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Neil couldn't believe it at first.
That he would be here, sweet tea on his hand, now placed on the table side, it’s too hot, he’ll drink it later once it has cooled down.
The dog days are here, the greens turned out healthier than they expected, there are some deer running in the woods with strong legs, he has seen it, he’s pretty sure. Todd said it’s an old joke, then wrapped his arms around Todd only for him to tickle the other down on the bed.
Jotting down some small notes with his dark inked pen, he skims through the page once more. The book is good, great even, with the prospects and wise words stated. Mr Keating said it changed his life when he finished reading it, swearing that it would likewise to others.
Neil wishes it would.
Graduation closed its curtains, all broad and long a few years ago.
Mr Nolan said he hasn’t seen Welton to be that gracefully merry, sparked with happiness all over again in centuries.
The food on the table was delicious, that’s what Steven blurred out, chunks of sausages full in his mouth. Knox stood on a chair, yelling about his engagement with Chris, inviting almost everyone in Welton to his wedding soon. Neil has never seen him smile that wide, other than when he got a B plus for Chemistry, all hail Dr Hager!
Gerard mentioned his trip to Southern Europe, and said something about rolling on a discovery ride with his uncle. His postcard arrived yesterday, all nice and wrapped lovingly with some dried flowers. Neil will read it later and maybe write to him as well. And for Charlie, well, he promised his mother a degree, and he did, finished in first class, he came home with the warmest hug and probably settling down, taking care of her.
The year passed, Neil signed into countless contracts, promising him a prominent role featured in a film.
His name rose, all on billboards and papers, he was baffled at first, to have pressure built on his shoulders this heavy. But, a hand so warm, and a smile that he is very much fond of looking at him, it’ll be okay, I promise . He made it regardless, all roses and red carpets, a kiss on his hand as he walked onto it.
The cameras were flashing here and there, he was bound to get blind anytime soon but thank God, it ended. The film was flawless, the people had said, his father clapped, even stood once it ended, but Neil being Neil, he wished he would have done better then Todd took his arms in his, and leaned into him, whispered, you did so damn well. I’m so proud of you, Neil.
And he smiled in their kiss
“What are you thinking?” hand on his shoulders, a peck on his fringe, and he leans into his touch “Mmm?”
“Nothing” he takes his glasses off
Todd lands a seat beside him, the chairs are heavenly comfortable, his mother took him for a quick shop by the streets as they decided to move in together.
Their house is bought off through an old couple who left nothing but card boxes covering the furniture with the white coloured walls. Todd thought of them as charming—the quaint living room, the windows and the kitchen facing the small garden. It reminded Neil how he had the best of his younger times when he ran in the muds, barefoot, with dirt staining his jumpers rather than actually lending his mother the towel she asked for.
All of these things being put together, planting seeds, washing dirty dishes in the sink, building a mini fort like a child and filling the space with anything that is adorable. On that day, he didn’t want to have the porcelain and chairs, which were quite pricey in his opinion but his mother insisted, i
t’s all for the both of you, take it
.
He took a look at Todd as he fiddled with the fabric at the market. Then, the chairs were bought with a single reckoning.
Because Todd made it so easy.
So, he did.
Neil keeps on sparing his glance at Todd, and the other makes a weird expression
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Todd giggles, embarrassed and so did he
“Nothing, I just,” a pause
“What is it?”
“Was thinking about all of the things that happened through these years, you know? Graduation, Knox’s engagement, Gerard’s postcards, just everything”
“Yeah?”
“Mhm-hm,” he nods with his eyes closed then views the house porch
“How’s the book?” Todd questions
“What, this?” he points to the book, raising eyebrows. Todd nods
“It’s alright, I guess. I mean, Mr. Keating suggested it, it must be good” he reasons
“That reminds me” Todd smoothens his trousers.
“Mr. Keating had said something about, well, pursuing my studies into higher levels, and, maybe, just maybe, there is an empty spot for me,” he ends his words in sotto voice but it’s loud for Neil to hear.
“You’re joking” he straightens his back quicker than ever
Todd shook his head
“You must be!” he grabs Todd’s hands, all warm and firm “Holy Crap, Todd, this is amazing, you should definitely go for it, it's a once in a lifetime chance..”
“No, listen, I could go for next year’s application and enroll in the autumn programme, so that we can spend more time together at least before I head into the campus,”
“What are you saying?” his thumb on Todd’s finger, reassurance swept in “ Take that offer, don’t mind me, I can’t be the one who’s stopping you from achieving and doing things you’ve been dreaming for”
They have talked about this before, Todd has always been a keen scholar, graduated with celestial scores, even higher than himself, not that he cares. Quoting things out of nowhere, eyes always sparkling upon hearing new things to explore.
All his life, he has been living in the fragments and shadows behind his brother’s achievement thus for once and for all, he wants to try. It’s going to be effortful, he knows that for sure but it’ll flourish into something that is worth everything.
“Take that offer” Neil states, steady
“You really think so?”
Hand on his cheek, thumb brushing his cheek, so soft, so delicate
“A hundred times yes, I mean, it’s everything you’ve ever wanted, right?”
“Well, not exactly” he whispers “But, yeah, you could say it like that although we haven’t been on our summer trip this year”
Neil giggles and so did Todd
“Tell you what,” his hand on Todd’s palm, drawing circles
“Take a few days in deciding this, whether you’d take the offer or not because whatever it is, I’ll be there, supporting you”
“Alright, deal” Todd smiles in his words
Neil whispers great and looks at Todd again.
He couldn’t vividly capture the first moment when he realized he was deep, like deeply in love with his own roommate.
Was it the first day of the new semester when Todd introduced himself? Was it at the study hall, whilst everyone else were doing calculus, solving whatsoever, and there they were, Neil’s eyes begging for him to join the meeting. Or was it, in their room when he received his first ever script, and practiced the lines with Todd, jumping on beds, running towards the lakes and once it’s quiet, safe and sound, his eyes lingered over him?
Whenever it was, he keeps on falling deep deep for Todd, once and for all
“Why do you keep looking at me like that, Neil Perry?”
He smiles then comes closer, hands cupping Todd’s cheeks
“I just can’t believe you’re my boyfriend”
“Boyfriend? Honey, we are married”
“Married? That’s even better!” he exclaims
Todd rolls his eyes, affectionately and Neil seals their lips
Todd sighs into the kiss as the other moves his firm fingers from his cheek to his neck then his collarbones. He rejoiced his butterflies in his stomach, all his worries and thoughts, condensed into the moment.
In the kiss, Neil is home.
They smile together after they pull away, then stand in their home slippers
“I’m starving by the way,” Neil touches his stomach.
He had scones, topped with freshly whipped cream bought from the shop near their house, and some berries they plucked from their farm visit last week. Hours passed and the evening washes over them, feeling the cool accompanied with the little starlight sprawled on the sky.
“Of course you are,” a pause “Dinner’s at 8, it’s almost done, I just need to prepare the egg salad”
“I’ll help you, just let me finish a few of these last lines then I’ll come”
“Sure thing” Todd walks away after brushing his fingers through his hair
“Hey, Todd?” Neil calls him loud, causing his steps to stop
He turns, facing his husband “Yeah?”
Neil heaves in and out, and says “I love you”
Todd smiles with his eyes. God, Neil is so fucking cheesy and he’s so in love with him
“I love you too,” he beams. He then continues making his way to the kitchen
The summer is long and packed, they’ve got a lot of things to do.
His finger tracing the page, he breaks into a smile.
Neil believes it, he believes it now .