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Toph was never fond of the idea of having a kid. The idea of bringing a child into such an uncertain world and her not being able to be what it needed to survive in it was much too daunting for her. Not only this but also the fear of not being a good mother haunted her every thought and emotion, making her become more and more distant from the idea.
But then she got pregnant, and she had her kid, and she was convinced that she had never known love like the love she felt when she first held Lin.
For nine months, she had carried this intangible thing within her, but with each milestone, she felt more and more attached. It was true that the pregnancy was not easy and she wished every day for it to be over, but she already wanted to meet the human being she was growing in her body. She imagined what she would do when she met her finally.
And when that day came, all Toph wanted to do was bite her little cheeks.
Maybe it was an intrinsic urge? An instinctive reaction? Or perhaps she was just reacting to their first live, physical interaction they were having in nine months after Toph told her to hurry up and develop so she could get the heck out of her body so she could meet her already.
But there she was. Her baby. A product of her pushing and sweating and screaming. A perfect little baby if she had ever held one – and she’d held many what with Suki and Katara’s children. But Spirits help her if any of the babies she held were as absolutely faultless as Lin Ju Beifong.
And her cheeks were right there . So precious and plump beneath her careful fingertips as she trailed her face. And she was real . So real that she could smell her and feel her and not feel so alone, despite the fact that she never really was.
So she gave her little cheek a nibble, and Lin cooed.
Then, she whimpered, and Toph told her, “I’ve got you. I’m right here.”
She felt like she was inclined to tell her – she had to – because Lin had to know that her momma was there for her no matter what happened to her.
But how? How do you tell a child that barely has a grasp on the real-life outside of a human body is? Not only was she completely unprepared for the reality of being a mother but she was also afraid of doing something to somehow screw up her daughter even now. So how would she make her Lin understand that though momma wasn’t perfect, she would be there for her all the same? Lin was unable to comprehend what was being spoken to her. Toph’s arms, fingers, and body paled in comparison to the comfort of her belly, didn’t they?
Despite this fear, though, Toph did her best. She took Lin home after some days of bed rest – the birth thing was no joke – and she did her best.
Her friends would come by to see the baby and sing her praises. They would shower her in compliments with accolades such as, “She’s such a calm baby!” and “She looks just like you!” – to which she would always say, “I wouldn’t know” – and her personal favorite: “Lin’s so lucky to have The Toph Beifong as her mom.”
This is true. Lin was lucky.
Toph was lucky to have Lin, though, too.
But one day, when Lin was starting her teething process and Toph wanted to all but pull her ears out of her head and get some sleep for the first time in months, Sokka popped in for a visit. It wasn’t the best day for him to do so because her hair was sticking up in places that probably made her look demented and she smelled like sweat and baby barf and desperation. And she tried to tell him, but he stuck around because he’d said he hadn’t seen them in too long.
Too long for Sokka was three days, apparently. But she just rolled her eyes at him and shrugged and let him in.
“Motherhood looks good on you, Toph.”
Her attention moved from Lin, who was loudly crying with her little hands tangled in and pulling at Toph’s hair, to Sokka without so much as moving her head to face him. She just froze.
She’d been receiving flattering remarks about her mothering for seven months already. And she had also become an expert at taking them – not that she ever wasn’t an expert at taking any kind of compliment, but she was an expert at it. But in comes Sokka and says something so stupid and she wanted to melt into a puddle.
Why did what he said to her mean so much?
Spirits, she was an idiot.
“How can motherhood look good on me when I am literally trying to keep myself from jumping out the window to remind myself of what silence sounds like, Snoozles?”
He crossed over to where she was in the nursery and tapped the back of her hand as a way to ask permission to hold Lin. Reluctantly, she let him. The only people she had let Lin be held by were him and Katara. Zuko still hasn’t been able to come around and Aang would have done that thing where he airbends his kids out of his arms and she couldn’t have that – not yet anyway. Lin was too young to have contact with the earth, still, and Aang wasn’t going to make that earth more out-of-her-reach than it was already. No sirree.
Sokka walked over to the small table by the crib and grabbed a teething toy to slip into Lin’s mouth. Her crying ceased immediately.
“I was- I was just about to do that.”
Sokka laughed quietly. He gave Lin a fond look that Toph would sadly never be able to see. “I have no doubt.”
“But as I was saying,” he spoke again. “Motherhood looks good on you. Beautiful, in fact.”
“It looks better on you, I think,”
“You think you’re funny,” he started bouncing Lin on his hip. She was making little rhythmic and happy noises as he did so and Toph smiled slightly. “But you’re not.”
“I actually am,” she said. “Just ask Lin. Isn’t momma just a hoot? Huh?”
Lin giggled, dribble cascading down her chin as she continued to bite into the soothing toy. Toph pressed a kiss to her head and lifted her shirt to blow a raspberry into her side, making her giggle even louder.
“This is what I mean,” Sokka said. Something in his tone was unidentifiable and it made Toph’s cheeks feel hot for some reason. Before he could see her, she made a beeline to the kitchen with him on his tail and Lin still cooing in his arms.
“What?”
“That you’re a damn good mom, Toph. And Lin is so lucky to have you, aren’t you Lin?”
As Lin gurgled in response, Toph felt tears prickling at her eyes and she turned away from him to wipe them away before they showed face. Damn hormones.
She had received accolade after accolade from everyone she cared about – even her parents, which was something she never expected – but no one had ever taken the chance to call her a good mother, or a damn good one, at that.
And she had been trying to be just that: a good mother. And the fact that someone recognized it or at least said so aloud was making her want to burst into tears of joy. She had been doubting her abilities as a mother, questioning them, and she hadn't realized it until the moment Sokka said what he said. The fear was so deeprooted that she never was able to put her finger on the fact that she felt this way.
She had no idea how to respond to him, so she said:
“Let’s hope she thinks so.”
Just then, she heard Lin’s teething toy hit the floor and Lin making the little noises Toph loved, her little, chubby arms extending toward her.
“Something tells me she already does,” Sokka said, handing Lin to Toph, their hands brushing slightly as he did.
A single tear slipped down her cheek as she held her daughter, his words echoing in her head. Toph lifted Lin up to her face and gave her a kiss. “Spirits, I do love you, kid.”
And then, Lin’s mouth went to Toph's cheek. She was nibbling on it. Toph laughed tearfully. Like mother, like daughter , she thought as she walked up to the couch and sat next to Sokka.
He switched on the radio and set a blanket atop the three of them, putting an arm around Toph’s shoulders as she leaned into his chest with Lin laying on hers. "She does, too, I'm sure. Maybe almost as much as I love you."
Toph squeezed her eyes shut at that and let a smile settle on her face for two reasons now:
1- She was a damn good mother.
2- And, shit, did he just say what she thought he said?