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Phoenix Wright doesn’t mean to find trouble, but it locates him regardless. Trucy once said drama and weird stuff are magnetized to him, and by this point in his career, he must agree. Still, whilst Phoenix may be unfortunately used to murders and betrayals and total chaos following him wherever he goes, that doesn’t make his current worry any less bizarre.
After all, murders are one thing, but adultery? How can he deal with the fact the prosecutor who indirectly got Phoenix disbarred might be cheating on three different people at once? And should he do anything about it?
Okay, he should start from the beginning. A few weeks ago, Phoenix learned from Apollo that Prosecutor Klavier Gavin is seeing someone. Apparently, Apollo and Trucy were walking back from one of her magic shows when they passed a restaurant. And when Apollo glanced through the window, he saw…
“It was Klavier and Prosecutor Blackquill, having a full-on candlelit meal.”
“Could you be mistaken?” Phoenix asked, not in the mood for office gossip. “For all you know it was totally platonic.”
“I know what you mean, Mr Wright, but Prosecutor Blackquill looks much happier lately and, well… Ema told me Klavier’s taken,” Apollo added, his cheeks flushing.
Not bothering to question any of that, Phoenix simply sighed and went back to sleeping face-down at his desk. He couldn’t care less who Klavier Gavin was dating.
At least, that is how he felt until the incident three days later. Said incident occurred in the men’s bathroom at the Courthouse; leaving Apollo and Athena to battle Blackquill by themselves, Phoenix slipped off to use the bathroom whilst the trial was still in session. And just as he was about to flush the toilet and leave, two sets of footsteps entered the empty bathrooms—and a voice made Phoenix freeze.
It was Klavier Gavin, saying something German in a soft, tender voice. The instant the door shut behind them, the other person broke their silence and burst into tears. And through the incomprehensible German, Phoenix heard Gavin say, “Sebastian.”
Carefully, Phoenix crept closer to the stall door, peering out through one of the far-too-big gaps. Only able to see a slither of the room, Phoenix angled his head until he caught a glimpse of two figures stood by the basins, and not only did he recognize them both, but…
Klavier had his arms around Prosecutor Sebastian Debeste, a man Phoenix knew of but had never spoken to, tugging Debeste into a hug. Now, that wasn’t inherently suspicious—Phoenix remembered hearing the pair went to Themis Legal Academy together, so they were probably close friends—but all ambiguity faded away when Klavier pressed a kiss to Debeste’s tearstained cheek.
Suddenly, Apollo’s stupid gossip didn’t bore him anymore. Because now Phoenix had reason to suspect Klavier was cheating on Blackquill with Debeste, and the thought that Klavier would cheat on his lover soured Phoenix’s image of him instantly.
He had wanted longer to observe them (spying sounds bad, so he prefers ‘observing’), but Phoenix’s phone chimed at the worst time—and loud enough to startle both cuddling prosecutors. So Phoenix had no choice but to flush the toilet and saunter out of the stall, amused by how quickly they sprang apart.
“Afternoon, Herr Wright,” Klavier said, nodding as he gave Debeste a much more platonic pat on the shoulder.
“H-Hello,” Debeste sniffed, turning his head to hide his tears.
“Are you okay, Prosecutor Debeste?” Phoenix asked as he washed his hands, wishing he was a better actor.
“You know my name?”
“Of course he does, Seb,” Klavier said, glancing at Phoenix for a second.
Neither said it, but Klavier clearly realized the only thing Phoenix really knew about Debeste was… the uncomfortable case in which the former Chief Prosecutor was arrested and the public humiliation Debeste faced. Momentarily distracted from the potential cheating, Phoenix added, “Yeah, Detective Skye’s told me about you. A-Anyway, are you okay?”
“J-Just… a bit upset,” Debeste mumbled.
“Sebastian lost his case against Herr Shields. Sometimes he needs time to process the trial and… he cries.”
Phoenix opened his mouth to reply, only for his phone to start ringing, blasting the bathroom with the Steel Samurai theme. Grimacing, he pulled out his phone and, upon reading Apollo’s name on the caller ID, he said, “Sorry, I need to get this. My junior lawyers are probably mad at me.”
And he walked away from Klavier before he had enough information to rule out cheating, and answered the call in time to hear Apollo saying, “Where have you been, Mr Wright? We’ve been looking everywhere for—”
“WE WON, BOSS!” Athena screamed in the background, and Phoenix laughed as Apollo yelped.
The next day, however, Phoenix found nothing to laugh about when yet more evidence stacked up against Klavier. He got into the elevator on the ground floor of the Prosecutors’ Office, and was about to close the doors when—
“Hi there.”
Out of nowhere, a blur of a figure darted inside the elevator, and a young woman grinned up at him like scaring strangers was a totally normal activity. Her smile faded when she saw Phoenix slumped against the wall, heaving for breath and groaning in agony as his back ached.
“Shit, are you okay?” she said.
“U-Uh, yeah, sure, I’m fine,” Phoenix spluttered. “How did… you do that?”
The woman beamed and tapped the golden pin fastened to the lapel of her suit jacket. “Oh, I’m just always honing new skills for my work. Right now it’s stealth skills. If you were a guard in a stealth game, you’d be in a choke hold and shoved in a closet in no time.” Laughing, she added, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. But the sneaking really is for my job. I guess from your face that it worked.”
Managing to control his breathing, Phoenix rubbed his sore back with one hand and wiped sweat from his forehead with the other. After almost having a heart attack from watching the strange woman appear to teleport before his eyes, most of what she said went over his head. One part, however, stuck out. “What’s this job of yours about?”
“I’m a Great Thief!” she said with pride and too much volume.
Phoenix didn’t even blink at her words. It was then he realized just how correct Trucy had been: bullshit really did follow him everywhere he went. And after meeting prosecutors who whipped him and threw coffee in his face, and adopting a magician, and defending an orca, and gaining two junior lawyers with weird powers… meeting a self-proclaimed Great Thief wasn’t nearly the weirdest thing he’d experienced. So he didn’t bother inquiring further, instead smiling through a grimace and asking, “So, Miss Great Thief, what floor are you visiting? Better press the button or you’ll end up on the top floor like me.”
To make his point, Phoenix finally pressed the button for the floor Edgeworth worked on, the elevator doors sliding shut.
Nodding, the woman pressed a different button and said, “There we go. Sorry for wasting your time, Mr Attorney.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Phoenix said. “Hey, can I ask you something? Are you an attorney or a police officer?”
“Nope.”
“So… why are you here?” After all, the security guards usually kicked out anyone without a valid reason to visit a prosecutor.
Gesturing to her bag, the woman said, “My dumbass boyfriend left his wallet and cell phone at home, and I’m in the neighbourhood, so I thought I’d drop them off. Sorry, I should’ve said already—I’m Kay Faraday, and I’m Klavier Gavin’s girlfriend.”
Phoenix froze, his eyes widening. This woman—Kay—was dating Klavier? Then… that meant Blackquill was also an affair. Was Gavin really such an asshole to cheat on his girlfriend with two different co-workers?
The floor jolting beneath them, the elevator pinged, and the doors slid open. “Well, this is my stop. See ya, Mr Attorney.”
Too stunned to speak, Phoenix just stared at Kay as she darted out of the elevator. What the hell was going on? Had Phoenix really stumbled upon a massive scandal by total accident? And what the hell was he supposed to do with this knowledge?
And then it hit him. He was already on the way to see Edgeworth, so why not just put it out in the open? Why not tell Edgeworth that he had good reason to suspect one of Edgeworth’s men was a serial adulterer, and ask Edgeworth what he, as the boss, was going to do about it?
So that is exactly what he did. After all, subtlety has never been one of Phoenix’s strengths. Reaching the top floor, the elevator opened again, and a determined Phoenix Wright marched towards the Chief Prosecutor’s office, ready to tell someone else about the weirdness surrounding Klavier Gavin.
And that brings him back to now. Normally, Phoenix would think twice before barging into Edgeworth’s office, but with all the confusion surrounding Klavier swirling around his mind, the more logical part of Phoenix’s mind gets overridden. Explaining the rather stupid decision to stroll into the Chief Prosecutor’s office without knocking.
“Edgeworth,” he says as the door swings open, “we need to—oh shit, not again!”
To Phoenix’s horror, the instant he steps into the room, a familiar bird of prey divebombs him, claws dangerously close to his face and the whoosh of flapping wings ringing in his ears. Reminded too much of this same bird swooping at his face in court, Phoenix lets out a humiliating scream before he can stop himself, hands flying up to protect his face.
“Taka, stop that at once.” Over the terror, Phoenix manages to hear Blackquill speak, and the bird suddenly stops trying to murder him.
Once again panting for breath, Phoenix watches Taka fly across the room and perch on Blackquill’s shoulder. And he also notices Blackquill smirking and Edgeworth’s exasperated sigh as he stares at Phoenix over his glasses.
“Wright, what on earth possessed you to enter without knocking?!” Edgeworth says, reminding Phoenix far too much of a teacher scolding a naughty student.
“Is nobody gonna mention the bird trying to eat me?!” Phoenix cries, stroking his spiky hair back into place with sweaty hands.
“Nonsense, Wright-dono. Taka would never eat you—you simply aren’t tasty enough,” Blackquill says, still smirking like he can barely hold back laughter.
Rising to his feet, Edgeworth slams a hand against his desk. “Enough, both of you! Wright, I thought I told you not to turn up unannounced—I’m very busy, and I’m supposed to be having a meeting with Prosecutor Blackquill at this moment in time. So, unless someone you know has been kidnapped again, please wait outside.”
Phoenix sighs, about to turn and leave when he glances at Blackquill again. It’s only a coincidence, but one of the victims of Klavier’s cheating ways is in front of him, and perhaps he can get some answers out of Blackquill. So Phoenix smooths down his blazer and says, “No, it’s urgent. And related to Prosecutor Blackquill.”
“What the bloody hell are you on about, Wright-dono?” Blackquill says.
But Edgeworth… Finally, Edgeworth’s exasperated expression fades, replaced with one of genuine curiosity. “Very well. Please explain what has you so het up.”
Swallowing hard, Phoenix stares at Blackquill before looking straight at Edgeworth. And before he can think twice, he blurts out, “I just thought you should know ‘cause he works for you, but Prosecutor Gavin is cheating on his girlfriend.”
Blackquill flinches like Phoenix slapped him, but Edgeworth just sighs and adjusts his glasses.
“Wright, do you have any evidence to back up such a serious accusation?”
“Besides, what does Kl- Gavin’s private life have to do with you, you nosy git?” Blackquill snaps, and Phoenix has never seen him so flustered.
Ignoring Blackquill, Phoenix continues speaking to Edgeworth. “I met Miss Faraday and she said she’s dating Gavin, but I also saw Gavin and Prosecutor Debeste cuddling in the bathrooms.” As Blackquill began to laugh, Phoenix points a finger at his face and adds, “And stop laughing right now, Blackquill, because Apollo saw you on a date with Gavin, which means you’re—Edgeworth, why the hell are you laughing too?” Phoenix cries when Miles fucking Edgeworth starts chuckling, so confused he could scream.
“Jesus Christ, Wright, you have so much wrong I don’t know where to begin,” Edgeworth says, trying and failing to stifle his laughter.
“Well you better explain, because I’m so damn confused,” Phoenix retorts, already sick of standing in a room with two prosecutors laughing at him.
Edgeworth makes brief eye contact with Blackquill, who nods like Edgeworth spoke. “Very well. Wright, it seems you have been operating based on a huge misunderstanding. Prosecutor Gavin is not cheating on Kay with Sebastian and Prosecutor Blackquill here. In fact, the four are in a committed relationship.”
Phoenix blinks, struggling to take that in. “Huh?”
“Have you ever heard of polyamory?” Edgeworth asks.
“Um…” Phoenix sighs. “Sorry. Doesn’t ring any bells.”
Blackquill snorts. “Why does that not surprise me?”
“Please, Prosecutor Blackquill, that attitude isn’t helping,” Edgeworth says, still sounding like a teacher. “Polyamory, Wright, is the term describing a relationship between three or more people. There are many variations, but for simplicity’s sake, all you need to know is all four mentioned people are romantically involved with each other.”
“Exactly,” Blackquill says. “So Klavier can’t be having an affair with Sebastian and I, as he is already seeing us both. Do you understand yet, or must I keep explaining my personal life to a man who gate-crashed a meeting with my boss?”
Slowly, it begins to make sense to Phoenix. He had never heard of polyamory before, but the concept of several people all dating makes a lot of sense. But then it hits him, and Phoenix groans. “I’m so sorry, Prosecutor Blackquill. I made out like Prosecutor Gavin is a massive jerk and—wait, did I just force you to out yourself?!” He cries, feeling more and more idiotic with every passing second.
“No, nothing like that, Wright-dono,” Blackquill says, nuzzling Taka’s chin with his finger. “Whilst we don’t broadcast it, all four of us are out and open about our relationship. But I must say…” He grins, clearly relishing in Phoenix’s discomfort. “I never expected someone to get their wires crossed quite so spectacularly.”
Edgeworth chuckles, eyebrows raised. “Indeed. Is the interrogation over for now, Wright?”
“I, uh, I guess so,” Phoenix says, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry again.”
“We can talk more later. Goodbye, Wright,” Edgeworth says, and his piercing stare sends Phoenix hurtling out of the room.
As the door shuts behind him, Phoenix laughs weakly and rubs his hands across his face. Well, that went disastrously wrong.
He’s never going to live this down, is he?
---
“What’s got you in such a good mood, Birdman?” Kay says as Simon slides into the backseat of the car, staring at his smirking face in the rear-view mirror.
With her final passenger in the car, Kay starts the engine and reverses out of the parking spot, beginning the complex three-point-turn to get out of the underground parking lot without crashing their expensive new car. In the passenger seat, Klavier turns to stare at Simon, who continues to barely hold back laughter, and a glance in the mirror shows Sebastian, sat beside Simon, watching in curiosity.
“Uh, did you hear me, Simon?” she says.
“Ja, are you gonna answer her, or just keep smiling like a dummkopf?” Klavier adds.
“Oh, apologies,” Simon says, chuckling to himself. “Something amusing happened today, and it continues to tickle me even now.”
“Something funny?” Sebastian says. “Can you tell us? O-Only if you want to, of course.”
As Kay avoids crashing into parked cars and drives past the open barriers, she sees Simon’s reflection cover Sebastian’s gloved hand with his own.
“Of course I want to tell you,” he says. “I just… Where do I begin? Right, you remember my scheduled meeting with the Chief Prosecutor?”
“Uh-huh,” Kay says, momentarily dazzled when she drives out into the natural light—and she catches a glimpse of Taka soaring through the sky in the near distance.
“Well, a certain defence attorney decided to crash the meeting.”
“An attorney?” Sebastian says.
“Oh, I bumped into an attorney on my way to bring Klav his stuff,” Kay says. “Blue blazer, spiky hair…?”
“You mean Herr Wright?” Klavier says.
“Yes, you have the right man,” Simon says, snickering at his (probably) unintended pun. “It was indeed Phoenix Wright who stormed in and insisted on talking to the Chief Prosecutor. That must be who you met, Kay.”
“Was Mr Edgeworth mad at him?” Sebastian asks.
“More exasperated than angry, I would say. Although he did become amused when Wright revealed the reason for him being there.”
Simon laughs again and Klavier sighs.
“Get on with it already, Simon,” he says, impatient.
Kay giggles. “Yeah, tell us, Simon.”
“You two are insufferable,” Simon mutters. “Unlike Sebastian. Hey, Sebastian, are those two infuriating or what?”
“U-Uh, I don’t think Kay and Klav are insulated—I mean, insufferable, but… Oh…” The nerves fade from Sebastian’s voice as he realises Simon was only joking, and he laughs.
“Oh just get on with it, Blackquill!” Kay cries, laughing.
Simon rolls his eyes, smirking as he shakes his head. “Honestly. But if you’re that desperate to know… Wright-dono came to tell on you, Klavier.”
“Tell on me?” Klavier says, puzzled. “What could’ve I done to offend Herr Wright?”
“Oh, it was nothing to do with him,” Simon says. “He simply wanted to inform the Chief Prosecutor that you are cheating on Kay.”
For a long moment, the car falls silent.
“Wait, what?” Kay eventually says, giggling awkwardly.
“I know how you feel, trust me.” His voice trembling with effort, Simon continues, “He says Justice-dono saw Klavier and I on a date, but then Wright-dono saw Klavier and Sebastian embracing in the toilets. Finally, he spoke to Kay and then he panicked, storming into the room and insisting the Chief Prosecutor do something about Klavier being such an arsehole that he would cheat on his girlfriend with two different men. A-And the Chief Prosecutor w-was…” Simon trails off, his giggles overwhelming him, and dissolves into an intense laughing fit.
Klavier breaks next, mumbling something rude in German as he howls with laughter, and even Sebastian is chuckling behind the hand pressed to his face. And finally Kay loses it, unable to believe Mr Wright got confused enough to embarrass himself in front of Mr Edgeworth, and only wishing she could have seen Mr Edgeworth’s face. She laughs so hard the car swerves dangerously, so Kay pulls over before they crash.
Finally, they manage to stop giggling, and Kay wipes tears from her eyes. She looks at her boyfriends and smirks as she says, “Okay, should we blackmail him or—”
“Kay!” Simon snaps, but he can’t stop a smile twitching on his lips.
“I was joking!” she cries. “Mostly.”
“For crying out loud…” Klavier says, and Sebastian chuckles.
Kay grins at her three boyfriends as they bicker and laugh, loving them so much it hurts. Even if it does occasionally mean people think they’re cheating on each other, Kay wouldn’t change their relationship for the world.