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It happened suddenly, one day. They were talking about the new Pavo Real store in Shibukyu Main, and whether or not they were developing a rivalry with Dragon Couture. Both of them agreed that they would certainly choose Dragon Couture, but Joshua argued on behalf of Pavo Real anyway, just to be difficult.
Then Joshua said, "Megumi was a Dragon Couture man, too, but his watches? He'd settle for nothing less than Pavo Real."
Megumi? Neku thought blankly, for a long moment just trying to reconcile the idea of a man with the name Megumi. Who did they know who had a girl's name? But then it came back to him in a rush: Of course. Megumi Kitaniji -- that was Joshua's Conductor in my Game, all those years ago.
"Yeah, well," he said, looking back at the road. "He seemed like a trend-setting kind of guy."
Joshua smiled a little to himself. "Ah, sorry," he said, insincerely. "I forgot you wouldn't have the same fond memories of him that I do."
Forgot, sure. Neku had no idea what this was supposed to insinuate, but Joshua seemed pleased with himself, and shifted into an argument about accessorizing instead of choosing sides that was way too fruity for Neku to contribute to.
But it wasn't the last time it happened. For the next few weeks, Joshua suddenly seemed to be thinking about Kitaniji all the time. Neku discovered what Kitaniji's favorite foods were, what he did for a living, what kind of music he listened to... and oddly, Kitaniji had enjoyed his coffee the same way Neku did, had liked all the same sorts of music Neku liked, and he had worked in the music industry. The similarities, all except that last semantic difference -- and oh how long Neku had thought about working in music, with only Mr. Hanekoma swaying him from that path -- were very unnerving, and Joshua smiled throughout as if he knew.
Neku leaned on one knee, very carefully etching detail in fine paint on Joshua's cell phone. ("I'd like a CAT original," he had said, smiling his predator's smile. "A non-original CAT original, of course. I can pay you." Neku had refused to accept his money.) Joshua was sitting in the chair across from him, talking about the art program at Neku's college, when the cell phone suddenly vibrated in Neku's hands, making him jump.
"I thought you said you'd turned this thing off," Neku said, annoyed. The neat, impeccable line of paint was jagged now. He'd have to work to make it look intentional, or wait and paint over it. "What the hell, Josh?"
"Yashiro must've sent me a text about today's Game results," Joshua said, unfazed. "A Reaper's message will go through regardless of whether the phone is on or off."
I didn't know that, Neku thought, frowning, and turned the phone over. Sure enough, Pinky's face was displayed on the screen, posing playfully for someone to the side of the camera, as if she hadn't noticed she was being photographed.
"Of course, only the Conductor is allowed to see me in person," Joshua said, lazily. "But since Megumi's death, I've had no one to filter for me, so I gave Yashiro my cell so that she could keep me up to date."
Neku slammed the phone down on the table and stared at him flatly. That's just -- that's just enough of that. "What do you want?" Joshua lifted his eyebrows, condescendingly inviting him to be more specific, and Neku obliged him by saying, "You've been bringing up this Conductor shit for weeks. I know you're doing it on purpose. Just tell me why."
The other man ran a hand through his hair, saying mildly, "You really think I have nothing better to do with my time than think of subtle ways to aggravate you?"
"Than think of subtle ways to get what you want. Why don't you just -- say it?" Neku said, trying to maintain his patience. The worst part wasn't the manipulation or the sly uses to which Joshua's intellect put itself; it was Joshua's insistence on pretending that Neku was too stupid to know he was doing it.
Joshua put his fingers to his lips and smiled a little. "...very well. I'll just say it." He tossed his hair back and said, like a prince issuing an imperial command, "Be my Conductor."
Neku sat back against the couch cushions. He had begun to suspect what Joshua was after, but it was still somewhat shocking to hear it out loud. "I'm alive," he pointed out.
"Lots of Reapers are alive. Being dead isn't a requirement of the job." Joshua shrugged, dismissing the objection as unimportant. "Megumi was alive."
Until you killed him. The reminder made Neku's eyes narrow, and he said pointedly, "That's a past tense because you two made a friendly bet and you offed him when he lost. And now you think I'm going to take his place?"
"Neku." Joshua was watching him, eyes half-lidded, but his expression was sober. "I'm not going to use your life as collateral again." He sighed. "It's practically gauche by now, anyway."
Great, Neku thought sourly. It's not that he has any particular objection to killing me, it's that it would be tacky to do it yet again.
It must've showed on his face, because Joshua sighed again, more irritable, and said, "You're putting too much emphasis on human definitions of 'life' and 'death'. Your perception of existence is very limited. Being dead is not the permanent, six-feet-under affair that you think it is. You'll learn in time, just -- allow me to assure you that Megumi was content with what happened, and more fulfilled now than he ever was in life as you knew him. His Soul was very refined when he died."
That all meant nothing to Neku, but he frowned. In time indicated that it would be part of the... learning process. "I have a job already," he said, coolly. "I do my work for CAT, and I do schoolwork on top of that. I'm not quitting anything to be your errand boy in the Game that tormented me."
"I'm not asking you to," Joshua pointed out, calm and ineffable as ever. He leaned forward, his shoulders curving in. Smiling. "All I'm asking is that you and I work together to guide the Game that nurtured you and brought you to a more enlightened existence. Hasn't that brief period of difficulty brought you years of happiness...?"
Neku glanced down at his hands, smudged with the traces of dried paint. It was true, of course. The Reaper's Game had been brutal to him -- a kind of brutal that he could never have imagined, and couldn't imagine happening to him again. It had strained him to his limits, physically and emotionally and spiritually.
But when the aches of that strain had faded, he had been a much... bigger person. And now he had friends, Shiki and Eri and Beat and Rhyme and even Joshua. And a wonderful career and money and acclaim pouring in from all sides. And he was happy.
Think about helping other people find those things, he thought, and then immediately told himself, and think about working with Joshua to do it. It was almost enough to turn him off the idea completely.
Still, it wouldn't hurt to ask more. "Were there any secrets between you and Shades?"
Joshua smiled more, and did an admirable job of seeming genuinely affectionate. "No, actually. Aside from the content of games played between us, I knew everything about Megumi, and I wouldn't have hesitated to tell him anything." Neku lifted his eyebrows skeptically, and Joshua chuckled. "I suppose if you take the position, I might even wind up talking to you," he added, teasing.
"What was -- Rhyme's entry fee?" Neku shot off quickly, hoping to surprise him into betraying himself.
Without turning a hair, Joshua said, "Her dreams."
--Oh my god, Neku thought, struck by those simple, frank words. As if it didn't mean anything. To lose her dreams... And she lost! That means Joshua never gave them back to her.
No wonder she had seemed so disconsolate, talking about Beat and the dreams he had pretended to have to comfort her--
"It's not permanent," Joshua assured him idly, kicking one leg. "Dreams aren't the same as the ability to have dreams. That wouldn't be a fair price. She has new dreams by now, I'm sure."
Neku leaned forward on his knees, thinking as that alarm receded. To be part of the Game... But to serve Joshua's interests in the game, just a mouthpiece.
...or would he?
"If I did it," he said, off-handed, "you'd have to swear you'd let everyone who lasted the week get reincarnated. None of this 'only one of you gets to come back' bullshit."
Joshua was still for a moment, looking politely disbelieving, and then finally hid a laugh behind his hand. "I don't think you understand how this works, Neku. As my Conductor, you enforce my will. You don't get to set terms."
He's getting way too old for that giggle. Although I suppose he was from the beginning, and he just happens to look it now. With a shrug, Neku said, "Then I guess it's a good thing I have the ability to reject the terms you set for me."
He got to his feet and left Joshua's cell phone on the table, grabbing his glass and moving into the kitchen to get himself more water.
As he expected, Joshua followed him. "That's such a straightforward dismissal."
"Hey, if there's nothing to negotiate, then all I can do is say yes or no," Neku told him, turning on the faucet. He glanced at the other young man, and found Joshua leaning against the doorway, frowning.
I've got him, he realized. I've actually got him. He wants something from me he can't just prod me into doing. I have all the power.
It was like a rush. Finally, the tables had turned. Neku tried not to grin at the clear trickle of water filling his glass.
Joshua said blandly, "It's not the normal procedure, you know. Megumi said he could only resurrect one of you because he knew Shiki would have the most points, and thus he could claim she was your entry fee for the next game, which would result in no resurrection. Without me, he couldn't actually resurrect anyone. In a typical game, I do send back whoever has an interest in it."
Neku turned around, lifting the glass to his lips. "You promise that'll always be the case, for as long as I'm the Conductor?" he asked casually.
Another beat, two, and then Joshua said, "Very well. I promise. No skin off my back."
I've got him!
Then Neku waited until Joshua had smiled, pleased with himself, before he said nonchalantly, "I'll think about it."
Like I'm letting you off that easily, you bastard.
So after that, it became his turn. He was the one with something to bring up at every meeting, a suggestive something to get Joshua's curiosity up without following through. He kept laying out the ground rules obliquely and then refusing to seal the bargain.
"Another thing I'd insist on," he said a week later (to Joshua's knowing sigh), "is that games and bets are strictly leisure time activities." He had to raise his voice somewhat to be heard over the driving rain. "Serious conflicts and disagreements will be worked out using our words, like adults."
"This arrangement is growing less attractive by the moment," Joshua observed, almost sullenly, as they entered the Wildkat. Mr. Hanekoma greeted them cheerily, overridden by Joshua's abrupt declaration, "I'm here for my cell phone. Is it in the back?"
Joshua dropped his umbrella and brushed past without waiting, and the tall man glanced after him, amused. "He's in a lousy mood," Mr. Hanekoma said, not halting in his steady polishing of a bowl behind the counter. "Could it be that he's the mouse for once, little CAT?"
"He wants me to be his Conductor," Neku explained to him in an undertone.
"I know," the barista said casually. "He told me."
Neku eyed him, thoughtful. If Joshua ever tells me half of what he tells Mr. H, I'll really be somewhere. He asked, "You think I should take him up on it?"
Mr. H smiled at him fleetingly. "Joshua isn't playing at what you think he is, but for what it's worth? I think you'll be a great Conductor. You love Shibuya, and you know how the Game goes, and you know your Composer." He set the bowl down. "Make him work for it, though."
Neku's lips quirked up in a small smile. "I will, don't worry about it."
"You're not like Megumi, after all." Mr. H chuckled. "You're something new. Joshua wants you."
The peculiar lilt on that word, not quite emphasis, made Neku's eyebrows shoot up. Joshua had alluded and teased about having a particular interest in Neku for the longest time, but it had always seemed like he was doing it just because he knew that it made Neku fidget.
"And if you become Conductor..." He held a glass up to the light, checking for dust. "Your Imagination will rival his."
Neku frowned slightly. "You mean," he said slowly, "I'll be as powerful as he is?"
Mr. Hanekoma smiled to himself and didn't answer the question. Joshua emerged from the other room, apparently in much better spirits. "I like this design, Mr. H, it's very classy, very trendy."
"I thought you didn't care for Mr. H's art," Neku said, leaning back on his stool. For a year or two he'd pretended that Joshua hadn't spoken such sacrilege aloud to him, but it had gradually become obvious that Mr. H was well aware of Joshua's opinions about his work.
Joshua smirked at him slightly, good humor evident in the sly quirk of his lips. "Just because it's bland doesn't mean it isn't pretty," he said, poisonously sweet.
Mr. H sighed, the picture of the misunderstood artist. "There's just no pleasing some people."
"Can we have coffees for the road?" Neku said hopefully as Joshua tugged on his sleeve.
"Six hundred eighty yen," Mr. H said without looking up.
Some mentor he is. Dispenses useless half-advice for free, robs you for a cup of coffee, the younger man thought, tossing his scarf over his shoulder and sighing as he headed out into the cold and the rain without coffee.
"I hope you and Mr. H enjoyed your chat," Joshua said blandly.
Neku had long ago ceased being surprised (and assuming it was true) when Joshua implied to have masterminded something that should have been outside his control. He just tilted his head back, looking up at the gray sky and rising towers. "Mr. H said that if I became Conductor, my abilities would be -- close to yours."
Joshua was silent for a block or so, with only the drops of rain on his parasol audible between them. Then he murmured, "Not all Conductors are created equal. When someone becomes the Conductor, a certain amount of power is simply accessible to them, in addition to their previous power. Megumi was a gifted Reaper, but gifted in intelligence more than Imagination. Your strengths... Well. It is very possible that you may become transcendent, as I am, if you took up the position."
So it wouldn't really be service, if I'm his equal, Neku thought, and then, Wait. But doesn't that mean--
He said quietly, "You don't think I might become a threat?"
Joshua shrugged, exaggerated distance on his face. "You could never be that many steps ahead of me."
Neku shook his head, mute. Of course. A joke. He'd rather make fun of me than admit to something that might potentially expose a weakness. Insulting, to not only be talked around as if he wouldn't notice Joshua avoiding the subject, but to be frankly treated like a child.
And he expects me to believe he'll treat me any differently if I go work for him. What bullshit.
"Nothing to say?" Joshua asked, innocently.
"There's nothing to say," Neku said, coolly. "You make it very clear when you don't care to continue a discussion."
Joshua stopped walking. Neku continued a few steps further before it became clear that Joshua wasn't going to follow, and then he slowly turned around so that they faced each other in the rain. The occasional person scurried around them.
"You're right," Joshua admitted, which was -- possibly the first time he had ever said anything like that. Oh my god, he's been replaced by a kitsune. "That does... sort of defeat the point, if I don't tell you things. I'm just so used to not telling you anything."
...awesome.
Joshua ran a gloved hand through his hair distractedly. "I was willing to make all sorts of sacrifices, if you insisted," he said conversationally. "It didn't feel like losing, because you had no idea what I was really after."
"What?" Neku said, scowling now. Is this what Mr. H was talking about? He has an ulterior motive for wanting me to be the Conductor?
"But I suppose that I still wasn't... really ready to offer you a bridge to my world." Joshua mulled that over, as if fascinated by the idea, and he lowered the umbrella to spin it whimsically on the sidewalk. His hair grew damp and glistening from the rain.
Neku waited for him to start making some sort of goddamn sense, but since he didn't seem about to, he started to say, "And that's exactly why I can't do this. You say you'll tell me--"
"I trust you," Joshua said softly.
"What?"
Joshua looked up at him and smiled, a little twisted at the edges. "Trust your partner... right? I trust you. ...that's why."
They stood in the rain while Neku thought about that -- he trusted Joshua, of course. He always had. But he had come to accept that Joshua had never trusted him. It just... wasn't in his nature. He was an innately solitary and private creature, and although Neku had once thought that he was the same way, he'd grown out of it. And Joshua had shrugged off Neku's every attempt to coax him down that same path.
It was a very small confession, very insignificant. From anyone else it would've merited a shrug and a nod. But from Joshua --
Well. Joshua was different.
"Oh," Neku said, quiet. "...never done that before, I bet."
Joshua said ruefully, "No. This is... very nearly the first time. Even-- Well."
Somehow things had grown very awkward. Neku rubbed the back of his neck and Joshua flipped his wet hair back and lifted his umbrella. It was as if he'd confessed to something much larger.
Maybe he did. Neku turned and took a step back, tentatively, encouraging Joshua to resume movement. "So, is 'I trust you' some sort of Joshuaism for 'I love you'?"
Joshua drew up beside him, eyes wide and innocent, and didn't stop, taking long quick strides so that he pulled ahead a few paces. "Do you want it to be?" he drawled, and then twirled the frilly umbrella mischievously. Neku pointed out that that wasn't an answer, but Joshua kept talking, as if he hadn't heard; "Although, as I mentioned, you're not quite the first person that I trusted -- there have been others. Whereas if I said something like that, it would be the first time."
So it was a confession. That... almost sounds straightforward, for Joshua. Neku trailed in his wake, looking at his straight back, and finally said, "Nothing wrong with trying something new."
It couldn't hurt to be one step behind him -- if they both chose to be in those places. Joshua wouldn't race ahead, and Neku wouldn't want to drag him back.
They could work like this.
And relationships had been started on far worse terms: working, and otherwise.