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Kuchiki Byakuya has a problem.
He supposes he should have known this would happen. When you open your heart up to others it is never without an added hassle of being concerned about their wellbeing. He had never, however, estimated that the people he chose to love (it was an entirely voluntary decision, thank you very much, despite whatever nonsense Rukia liked spouting about her and Renji worming their ways into his heart) would be so infuriatingly dense, so mind-numbingly stupid, and so insufferably pathetic.
The moony sighs were more than irritating him. They were actively, for lack of a better term, pissing him off now especially considering how the enraging noises would leave him be, neither in office nor at home. The supposedly ‘discrete’ (though they shamed the word) glances sent each other’s way were getting on Byakuya’s nerves. There was indescribably maddening about it all.
All three worlds had clocked onto things already except for his two bumbling fools.
So, he decides to take things into his own hands.
Historically, such a decision on the part of Kuchiki Byakuya has never boded well for anyone.
…
It won’t in this instance either, is all Toshirou can think as he watches Byakuya calmly explain the situation to Soi Fon and himself. The woman barely looks interested, only a little amused. Toshirou shakes his head. This is a disaster in the making.
Byakuya has decided he is going to play matchmaker for his sister and his vice-captain. Hitsugaya isn’t even sure the man knows the first thing about romance, despite having been married once upon a time.
He quite likes the expensive tea Byakuya serves him and Soi Fon during their tea times together, however, so he doesn’t mention it.
“So? Do you want advice?” Soi Fon asks, lifting her brow a little.
Toshirou almost laughs out loud. For the person who spent upwards of decades pining to offer love advice…
He quite likes his head attached to his shoulders, too and so, he reminds himself of the last time he got involved with Yoruichi and Soi Fon, and ended up tied and gagged in his own quarters, and doesn’t mention that either.
Karin likes to show Toshirou funny pictorials called ‘memes’ from the human world. A lot of them reference ‘clown to clown communication’ and that is exactly what Hitsugaya is reminded of, watching Soi Fon and Byakuya at the moment.
“Essentially, yes.”
Soi Fon takes a sip of her tea and seems to consider Byakuya’s response. That is when Byakuya’s eyes dart towards Hitsugaya and a slight frown settles itself between his brows.
“Although I am not sure if it is proper to discuss,” he pauses for a fraction of a second and tries to find the right word. “ adult relations in front of Hitsugaya-Taichou.”
Soi Fon snorts, Toshirou gasps and Byakuya has the gall to look confused at the reaction.
“I am an adult!” Hitsugaya grits out. He can’t allow himself much of anything else… he doesn’t want another lecture on impulse control from his highness.
“Also you’re trying to set up your sister with a man she’s supposedly already in love with. On dates! There’s nothing adult about this!”
Soi Fon, the unhelpful twat, is still smirking. Sometimes Hitsugaya thinks she doesn’t actually like them and only hangs around to make fun of them to herself which is not very nice of her but perfectly in character regardless.
“What I seek to execute here is more complicated than mere dates, as we’ve taken to calling amorous meetings these days.”
Byakuya doesn’t seem to care enough about Toshirou’s perfectly logical replies to his insane and irrational insinuation regarding Toshirou’s mental maturity levels.
“Speak human,” Soi Fon mutters.
“We aren’t human.”
“Speak it, anyway.”
Hitsugaya had forgotten how annoying these two could get, frequently did get.
“Okay, then. What else are you trying to do here?”
“I will orchestrate such situations as are likely to help romantic intentions flourish and place Renji and Rukia in them. They will come to an understanding regarding their reciprocal of each other’s love and decide to be together.”
A handful of seconds pass, during which Toshirou and Soi Fon merely stare at Byakuya.
“You’re very creepy, have I ever told you that?” Is Soi Fon’s final input.
Byakuya, perfectly calm and entirely unfazed, turns to Toshirou for his reaction.
He hasn’t even figured it out for himself.
“And what will such situations be, pray tell?”
Toshirou gestures at Soi Fon to cut it out. She looks way too invested now, however, and with a starting clarity, Toshirou knows she won’t let him talk Byakuya out of this absolutely insane idea.
“That is where I find myself… stumped.” Toshirou’s brows shoot to his hairline and he exchanges a look with Soi Fon. Byakuya’s vocabulary at least is benefitting from his increased interaction with actual humans these days.
“I would appreciate any suggestions you two might have.”
Toshirou is about to suggest Byakuya leave them the fuck alone when Soi Fon interrupts. Toshirou catches sight of the almost-serious frown on her face and hopes she isn’t starting to take this seriously too.
“The moment I realised I was in love with Yoruichi-sama was when she beat the shit out of me and a bunch of other new squad recruits during training and then walked away like it was nothing.”
Suddenly, so many things about those two make sense and entirely against Toshirou’s will, too because he never wants to think about them after what he witnessed that day he was bound and gagged.
“Worthy submission but I believe you have wrongfully assumed that my sister and my vice-captain are bloodthirsty lesbians. Although, I can see where the confusion arises.”
Byakuya’s tone is entirely dry and yet, Toshirou can’t help himself.
“I mean, with that haircut on Kuchiki…”
Byakuya turns to him so quickly, Toshirou is reminded of a pigeon.
“There is nothing,” -and Toshirou hates how commanding and deep and powerful his voice can get- “wrong with my sister’s hair. It does not look like a lesbian’s.”
At least he was taking his self-assigned ‘be a nice brother’ task seriously.
“Are you implying there is something wrong with mine?” Soi Fon narrows her eyes.
Byakuya lifts a brow.
“Have you ever looked in a mirror?”
It hits Toshirou then, that once again, he has botched his ‘whom to interact with in social settings’ choices.
…
It takes Soi Fon something nearing an hour to extract a semi-apology from Byakuya which isn’t so much an apology as a general ‘it was a joke, relax.’ She decides she is content with that as it’s now nearly time to go.
Not that she has any helpful solutions. Neither she nor Yoruichi is particularly romantic. Toshirou just looks incredibly put off by the entire idea.
“You should ask someone closer to their age group about this,” She finally settles on.
“I was hoping Hitsugaya-Taichou would provide that insight but I see now I was wrong.”
“I am staying out of this.” -is all he has to say.
Byakuya’s brow twitches.
“Well, if that is all.”
He doesn’t sigh because Kuchikis don’t express emotions of any kind whatsoever if they vary too much from condescension but Soi Fon can tell he is disappointed. She makes a mental note to ask Yoruichi for pointers and come back to him.
Somehow, without moving a single muscle on his face, Byakuya is still the worst person to feel like you’ve let down in the entire world.
That is when the reiatsu hits them and all at once, they turn in the direction of the outer gates of the Kuchiki manor. Though it isn’t foreign, the intensity of it still catches people off-guard especially three captain-level Shinigami who are all highly attuned to changes in reiatsu around them.
“I believe Zaraki-taichou is here.” Byakuya gets to his feet and Soi Fon and Toshirou, who look obscenely relieved, follow.
“So do you do this on the daily, the walks?”
Soi Fon has never been the type to be interested in someone else’s life but she quickly found out that once she made actual friends, it became a lot easier to dredge up cursory concern about their affairs.
… and an affair with Kenpachi was a concerning thing, alright.
“About,” and it was a testament to his improved social skills that Byakuya continued without being prompted to. “He insisted we met every day and threatened to come and disrupt my work if I did not agree so I stipulated I will choose what we do together. Walking me home every evening is the activity and he agreed very willingly.”
There is a lilt to his tone, now building to a joke. Soi Fon frowns and Toshirou rolls his eyes.
“But you’re already home every time he comes to get you,” he said.
Miraculously, the very corner of Byakuya’s mouth lifts in the slightest of smirks.
“I am waiting to see how long he will take to notice.”
…
His friends prove to be useless, though he thinks he should have seen that coming, and he spares himself the hassle of asking Kenpachi. It isn’t until two days later when he runs into Inoue Orihime from the human world because Rukia insists on hosting her in the manor whenever she comes to visit, that he gets any sort of an idea.
Rukia is running late and Orihime looks bored. Byakuya, as a responsible brother, decides it falls to him to entertain his sister’s guest in her absence and make it known to her that it wasn’t intentional, and that Rukia is just a very busy person owing to her importance and skill. She just can not be replaced.
Orihime doesn’t seem to mind the delay all too much, smiling at Byakuya and then complimenting his koi before nodding in agreement. She is a delightful girl, he soon finds out, when she is not surrounded by her idiotic male acquaintances though she does seem to make something of a hobby out of collecting them.
Out of politeness, Byakuya comments on the shortness of her stay. Her answer opens many doors to him.
“Oh I would like to stay but I can’t! I am not on vacation and…” she blushes. “Valentine’s Day is coming up. I couldn’t possibly leave Tatsuki-chan alone for that!”
Byakuya has heard of Valentine’s Day and agreed with Rukia that humans are stupid, but that is not what concerns him.
Surely, a girl like Orihime who appears to have a partner and a good head on her shoulders will have advice for Byakuya.
Her enthusiasm for his proposal is admittedly, what he had looked for in Toshirou and Soi Fon. He realises his folly only now when it is too late.
“That is such a great idea!” Her eyes have expanded into saucers. “I am sure Rukia and Renji would make the cutest couple ever! You’re such a good brother, Kuchiki-san.”
Byakuya preens, but only inwardly.
“I might require some assistance from you,” he admits. It comes very easily, though it won’t have if it were anyone but her.
Inoue Orihime is truly the sweetest person he has ever met.
“Sure! Whatever it is you can tell me! I will be a willing soldier, Taichou!”
She strikes a truly ridiculous pose at that and Byakuya wishes to take back all his (unvoiced) compliments. His heart is doing a weird thing, however, feeling warm and squiggly all over. He decides he will spend more time talking to her when she visits from now on.
“You see…”
…
Broccolis are the crux of Orihime’s idea.
Byakuya doesn’t understand it but blames it on being, not old, but significantly less young than her. Rukia and Renji, who seem well-acquainted with the human world, would undoubtedly recognise and appreciate the gesture for what it is.
“Tatsuki-chan was telling me about broccolis and what they mean and she was so worked up about it. It was so adorable and that’s when it hit me that I had feelings for her, too!” - Inoue Orihime had said when Byakuya asked her what moment in time made her realise her true feelings for her partner.
(She had taken the time to explain the history of broccolis and what they had meant to lesbians of a certain time and age in the human world but Byakuya conveniently skipped over that part, way too caught up in trying to puzzle out the charm of the disturbing looking vegetable.)
It is of no matter, he decides! If broccolis are romantic, Byakuya will make sure Rukia is overwhelmed by them and then pin the blame for the gesture on Renji. She will realise his feelings and confront him. They will get together. His plan will be a success.
When he inquires with his gardeners he finds out broccoli can indeed be grown in colder weather and so, he has a patch of it planted outside her room.
It will look ugly but he will bear it in the name of love.
The garden, however, entirely escapes Rukia’s notice. It’s as if she has no sympathy in her heart to spare for the ruins of his perfectly ordered lawns! She doesn’t once comment on the brutally ugly patch.
Byakuya, who can scarcely tolerate the sight, orders for it to be removed, half pissed and half pleased about it.
At night, he thinks maybe he was too vague. Rukia has never had any comments to make about his gardens and lawns and beautiful koi ponds. He… was foolish to expect she would notice.
He decides his next approach will be more in her face.
… and it is.
It comes in the form of a bouquet of broccoli. Byakuya takes the time to fake Renji’s improving handwriting and sign his name on a card and attach it to the bouquet before he hands it over to a subordinate one morning and asks her to deliver it straight to his sister.
Byakuya feels extremely pleased with his intelligence for the rest of the day.
Till he sits down to dinner with Rukia and habitually inquires about her day and she tells him a supposedly hilarious story about how Renji, who must have been wanting to send broccoli to Ukitake-taichou since he has been advised to eat more of it and Rukia told that to Renji, addressed it to her instead.
His eye twitches. He can’t stomach any more food so he lifts his chin, sniffs once, and then excuses himself.
…
For his next attempt, he decides to lean on an idea he can somewhat attest to the success of. Meditation.
It was more than a concentration technique, a hobby, if you may, that Byakuya and Hisana both shared. They had really bonded over it. They had found contentment just existing in each other’s company like that, their little sliver of heaven, a respite from the politics of Byakuya’s family and the struggles of Hisana’s illness. They could just be in those moments and while Byakuya knows Rukia is startlingly different from her older sister, he hopes she can benefit from some peace and quiet just as she had.
So, he arranges a meditation ‘seminar’ but invites only his lieutenant and sister. They show up on time and blink in tandem because they sometimes are scarily coordinated like that. Byakuya lowers his eyelids and prays that the special perfume he ordered to really sell the serenity here works as well as he had been told it would.
“Nii-sama?”
Rukia sounds confused. Renji remains entirely still, staring at Byakuya with a hint of (unfounded) suspicion in his eyes.
“Rukia, Renji,” he gestures for them to take a seat on the mats he has had set in front of his own, facing each other. Dutifully, both of them obey.
“Recently, I have found myself quite devoted to mental wellbeing and I would like to introduce the two of you to an activity I think is quite effective in affording me clarity in all matters of the heart and flesh.”
They both have that look in their eyes though that they think Byakuya doesn’t understand but he does. They get it every time they are confused but still think that whatever Byakuya is about to say is going to be monumentally stupid. It is very rich, coming from the two densest people he has ever known in his life, Zaraki Kenpachi included.
“Meditation,” he decides to speak peasant. “We will meditate.”
“Oh! Should’ve said that then, taichou!”
Byakuya almost feels his brow itch. Hadn’t he?!
He clears his throat.
“I have arranged for music that helps one centre their minds but I usually prefer to meditate without it.”
Sensing they were being offered a choice, they exchanged a glance before Rukia plastered a smile on her face and said,
“Whatever you deem fit will work perfectly for us, Nii-sama.”
Carefully, he shifts so he is no longer on his knees but his legs are folded underneath him. Rukia and Renji follow and when Byakuya demonstrates the way they are supposed to press the tips of their middle fingers to the tip of their thumb, they clumsily imitate the gesture.
“You may place your zanpakuto aside.”
They scramble to unhook the scabbards and return to their positions.
“Now, we close our eyes and attempt to focus solely on our breathing till we reach such a point where we are simultaneously aware and blissfully unaware of our physical self so that we may achieve unity with our higher senses.”
He doesn’t know what he is saying, really. He has never done this before.
Rukia’s lips twitch but she resists laughing and her eyes remain closed. Byakuya decides not to lose his composure at her childishness and take the win for what it is.
Satisfied, Byakuya tries to recall what else his instructor when he was first learning to meditate used to say when he realises he will not be giving them any breathing space, as it can be called, to realise their affections if he keeps interrupting the flow of their thoughts with dumb shit he is having to make up as he goes because seriously, his brain is empty at this moment. Maybe it would be for the best to let them be, let their minds find their own trajectories, and reach the destination of mutual realisation. His words are unneeded, surely and…
He frowns.
Wait, isn’t he unneeded here?! Why is he here, he almost frowns as he flies into a mini-panic trying to remember at which idiotic moment he decided he should be here between the two of them. Really, isn’t he just another hurdle? What if they feel too (rightly) captured by his god-likeness and are unable to think of anything but him in his presence when they are supposed to be thinking of each other?
No, he desperately thinks, this can’t be. Maybe he can sneak away! Then when they open their eyes with their greater clarity and find only each other, they are bound to have a heart-to-heart!
He shuffles a little as he considers that. It sounds perfect. He cracks one eye open. If theirs are closed, sneaking away wouldn’t be difficult at all.
The problem is, their eyes are not closed. They are very openly staring at each other.
Byakuya blinks.
Oh, he really shouldn’t be here. The intensity of their gazes, ah, admirable! They are surely on the brink of a realisation here! It happened quicker than he was expecting but that just goes to show what a stroke of pure, unadulterated genius this idea is! He should still be able to sneak out, he realises, for they are way too taken with each other.
Then, he watches a tear trickle out of Renji’s eye.
Byakuya’s own widen. Rukia doesn’t even flinch which is truly heartless and he decides he is going to have a conversation with her about how she treats her to-be husband once this is over. He has known all this time that their pasts have been painful and a good part of that can be blamed on his own influence but to think Renji would cry like this! And Rukia not care at all!
Byakuya’s heart aches. He has never once in his life entertained the thought of Rukia being undeserving of something but in the face of such unreserved coldness to one who might as well be family to Byakuya, he reconsiders.
It is then that Renji blinks and Rukia lets out a triumphant whoop.
“Ha! I win! Suck on that, pineapple!”
Renji hits the floorboards with a balled fist and curses.
“Oh, man! I was so close, too! How did your eyes not even water?!”
... a staring competition?
A staring competition?!
Never, not even in his darkest moments, has Byakuya been suicidal but he damn near throttles himself right there and then.
…
“He’s a man of the 11th,” Kenpachi drawls, resting his unnamed, unsheathed sword on his shoulder as he stares down at Byakuya. “And your sister has a sound warrior’s head on her shoulders, too. I am telling ya the best way to get through to fighters is with a fight. Make them spar!”
Yes, he had decided not to consult Kenpachi but he was getting frustrated and Kenpachi is a surprisingly good listener.
“I do not see how a sparring match with spark any sort of romance.”
“I mean,” Kenpachi pauses to give him a look over that doesn’t not make him feel flattered. “It worked for me.”
Byakuya crosses his arms over his chest. When Kenpachi offers him the rag he had used to wipe his sword with before replacing it in its sheath, he takes it with a slight nod of his chest.
“That is because you are a heathen. It is different.”
“Just try it. You placed your bets on broccoli once.”
Byakuya knew he was going to regret telling Kenpachi about that one.
…
Their swords are unsheathed, held right. Rukia’s stance makes Byakuya proud and so does Renji’s. Neither of them seems to be willing to go easy on each other, which Byakuya thinks is great! It displays their trust in each other’s capabilities.
“You are really fucking creepy, you know?” Kenpachi is eating an apple and quite noisily. If something is to give their positions away, it will be his loud chewing. “Why are we spying on kids again?!”
“We are not spying. We are supervising.”
He doesn’t want to admit that he thinks Kenpachi’s plan might be working but it seems like it is. They are looking very intently at each other again and this time, they are blinking too so Byakuya knows it can’t be a staring competition.
“I kinda wanna spar now,” Kenpachi remarks. Byakuya considers the wide array of kidou at his disposal to land on the one spell that would most effectively shut Kenpachi’s mouth.
Something shifts and Byakuya squints. Renji is grinning but only slightly.
“If you say please all cutely like Hanatarou does, I’ll consider going easy on you, shorty.”
Byakuya stares.
Rukia flicks her sword around so she is holding it like a dagger instead which is so incredibly not functional that he wants to grab her shoulders and shake them.
“Say goodbye to your kneecaps, asshole.”
With that said, she launches herself at him. Renji, not expecting such an unnatural attack, almost yelps before jumping up so high she skids out from under him and falls flat on her face. He gets a second to laugh at her before he lands stupidly and, Byakuya suspects, injures his ankle.
He can’t believe they are both A-class warriors, vice-captain level, his pride and joy. He can’t believe it.
“Yeah I see what you mean,” another loud bite “They are really meant for each other.”
He turns around to defend them but realises Kenpachi is being serious.
Byakuya puts his head in his hands.
“Kenpachi, take me home,” he orders. Kenpachi looks confused for a second before he obliges.
Byakuya curses the two idiots the entire way home.
…
“Taking a new hobby class can do wonders for a budding romance.” Byakuya can’t let it be so that it is obvious Kurosaki Ichigo thought of something he didn’t so he settles his expression and says,
“I am embarrassed for the sorry state of your intelligence if you truly believed that was such an innovative idea that it had not occurred to me already.”
Ichigo smirks.
“Oh? What class did you plan to send them to?”
Byakuya panics.
“Knitting.”
…
Renji and Rukia stare at the lady sitting in front of them. She is old, wrinkly, and with an expression that spells such ardent disapproval that they almost run away.
It is a knitting class. Arranged and paid for by Byakuya.
Because the man insists on getting weirder day by day.
“So, his birthday is coming up,” Renji notes. “Do you think this is like, a hint?”
Rukia lifts a brow.
“He wants a handmade scarf?”
Renji shrugs.
“Why else would he put us here?”
Rukia groans.
“Ughhh that means I gotta pay attention now!”
…
On his birthday, Byakuya is presented with the ugliest scarf this entire universe has ever had the misfortune of producing. It comes along with a note that says- ‘From Rukia and Renji to the best brother and captain in the WHOLE world :) Happy birthday!’
He knows he is going to treasure it for as long as he breathes.
…
Byakuya refuses to count the last attempt because it had been panic-induced and thoughtless. Neither Renji nor Rukia seem to be knitters and Byakuya really shouldn’t have made them go to that class.
The hobby he picks next is still ill-suited to both of them but a skill relatively easier to master and a requirement for a decent life and success, in Byakuya’s own not-so-humble opinion.
Calligraphy
This one doesn’t even have a thrilling if failed conclusion to it. It brings… no results whatsoever. They take the class, improve their handwritings, thank him for his generosity and go about their ways.
Still very much not boning.
Byakuya isn’t even angry anymore. He is just disappointed, so very disappointed in the workings of a peasant mind, no matter how refined it otherwise might be.
…
“There’s something wrong with your brother, don’t you think?”
Renji has food in his mouth and he would usually swallow before he spoke but he keeps forgetting to bring the topic up so he doesn’t wait before blurting his question out.
Rukia shrugs.
“Yeah, he is trying to set us up.”
Immediately, Renji begins coughing, more importantly, choking. Rukia thwacks his back till he gets his breathing all nice and regulated again and then, refusing to look him in the eye, asks,
“So, what do you think? Would you want to be set up with me?”
Renji can do nothing but stare at her for a handful of seconds before a smile breaks across his lips. He shakes his head and scoffs.
“I can’t believe that’s still a question.”
Rukia climbs in his lap and he lets her. They share their first kiss in the very next room from the one Byakuya is angrily pacing in, trying to figure out how to make them kiss.
…
“Have you ever considered just sending them on a date? To a nice restaurant?”
The last person Byakuya had expected to be the voice of reason was Shihouin Yoruichi but here they are.
“They seem like the sort of couple who just gotta find their own timing, you know. The only way you can accelerate that is by giving them time together so they grow closer. You know, without distractions like needles and paperwork and the sort of handwriting you’d expect from them for future paperwork.”
A nice evening in an establishment of taste and repute. It is brilliant! Simple but clever! It is a surprise in and of itself that the werecat hasn’t seized the moment to play another series of childish pranks and ruin everything but she has also come up with good advice! He can scarcely believe it but is eager to exploit the opportunity.
The more he thinks about it the more it seems like a good idea. Byakuya can’t believe he had taken so long to come up with it. Not that he has come up with it but that one fact has conveniently been disposed of already.
…
“So, do you think this is a test? Is he vetting me?”
Rukia leans closer. She is wearing an expensive perfume tonight and a brand new kimono. It is less because of the endlessly fancy restaurant they are in and more because it is her first date with him.
“No, I think he just doesn’t know we are together yet.”
Renji’s mouth lapses into an ‘o’. He chews and swallows before he replies.
“He is really fucking dense, isn’t he?”
“I feel that’s a family trait.”
Renji nods his head as if that is not a joke and Rukia makes a note to correct him later. He does take every little bit of information relating to the Kuchikis extremely seriously.
“What do you think will come next?” He frowns. Rukia pats his arm and leaves her hand there, feeling up the long, thick fingers discretely.
“I doubt it’s anything to worry about. It’s not as if he will put one of us in mortal danger.”
…
“I am afraid I will have to put one of them in mortal danger.”
“Oh neat,” Soi Fon grins. “Can I be the mortal danger?”
…
She is not in fact the mortal danger because Byakuya doubts her self-restraint and her sadism is already legendary at this point. She might like him but that in no way guarantees the safety of the people he likes in turn.
That is what makes him stop and reconsider everything. If Soi Fon is this eager to come and help, keeping in mind that Soi Fon is never eager and rarely helpful, then it can’t mean anything good. He casts his sights back and thinks about all of the time and effort he has already wasted. He doesn’t like to admit defeat, however, so he has decided he is going to tell his friends (and whoever else has heard) that he is taking time to consider his next move carefully and not that he finds the enthusiasm with which his local sadist wants to be involved in his new plan a little off-putting.
Imagine his surprise then when he discovers two figures huddled together behind the bushes in one of his less favourite gardens that he doesn’t often walk in, lips locked and limbs entwined.
He stares. He is unable to not stare. He has no interest in watching his sister kiss someone but he is physically powerless to look away.
“What date was it?” He asks when they part. The two of them jump and clutch at each other as if surprised by how close he is standing. It is not his fault, he had needed to make sure his eyes weren’t deceiving and hence, the alarming proximity.
“What?!”
He notices their faces are very red. Children, he thinks. As if Byakuya is a stranger to the sweet giddiness of the first few weeks. As if he wouldn’t understand their passion for each other intimately…
He decides to cut off that line of thought right there and resists the need to gag. Perhaps, it just might be, that he has gotten too involved.
He has absolutely no need to understand their passion, not even remotely.
“I need the precise date of your confession or realisation whichever may have happened first and a detailed description of what events brought such feelings forth, causing you to acknowledge them.”
“I…” Renji squints his eyes. “Have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”
Rukia crosses her arms over her chest.
“It was none of your meddling, for sure.”
Byakuya’s eyes narrow at that, his heart deeply, deeply offended.
“I feel it is my duty to inform you, Rukia, that you look entirely too ridiculous with your hair in such disarray, kneeling amongst bushes. What has possessed you?”
“Love, Nii-sama,” she grins as if she knows exactly how her words are going to make him feel nauseous. He wonders what he has ever done to deserve such a brat of a sister. “And you should be the happiest about that!”
Byakuya never gets the chance to congratulate them because Renji begins apologising and makes Rukia say sorry for being rude too. Byakuya is too busy gloating to remember much else because the timing of this relationship is rather suspicious, isn’t it? Rukia’s haste in denying Byakuya’s efforts did bring this about is also very telling. Byakuya understands the intricacies of hearts, you see. He will not boast and he will not celebrate his victory (out loud) if this is the version of events Rukia wants to live in. He will know, however, and he will always remember that if he wants to, he can bring any two hearts together.
And he feels really happy about that.