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It all had happened so fast. One minute it was a normal, if not tense and stressful mission. The robots were tearing down the city, and they had to stop it. The next minute-
"...Silver?"
Sonic had been brought down to the ground rather hard, taking a good while to get back up or even open his eyes. It startled Silver horribly at first, he had shook at his shoulder, silently praying that he was okay. He had wounds that were frightening. And then in that next minute-
"Hey, hey, wait! Calm down for a second."
Well, every instance of his friends getting hurt that he'd witnessed flashed in his mind at record speed. At the people in the future getting hurt. At himself getting hurt. And, well, it all led back to Eggman, hadn't it? All his other friends that had been there, they were on the ground now as well. Knuckles nearly knocked unconscious as he rubbed at his aching head. Amy struggling to get back up on her feet with a badly hurt leg. Shadow seemed disoriented in that moment, grabbing at a wound on his arm that was concerningly large. And with that fact aside, the buildings surrounding them, burning.
Burning. The city was burning. Fire, smoke, destruction. It was all too familiar. Everything was happening too fast. Flickering sparks of pure energy surrounded Silver's hands, wrists, and arms like a bad storm rolling in. And Eggman had been laughing. Were there people still in those buildings? Did they get out? They had to, but what if they didn't? Why was it so hard to breathe all of a sudden? Why wasn't Sonic standing up?!
So close to hyperventilating, his fury was burning away in him, and the power had taken over. Silver's heart raced with anger that brought his psychic abilities to a blinding glow as he shot up into the air.
"Silver?!"
At first it was the normal attacks. And there was the normal dodging. At first it was like battles had before. But his mind wouldn't stop the years worth of flashbacks. Of alternate timelines and every possible bad ending he was forced to witness and fix and see break to pieces and fix again and again and again. Every life lost throughout this. And his attacks grew stronger and stronger, faster and faster.
"Silver!"
He heard Sonic's voice shout. He heard his other friends shout. If he were to turn around he'd see Sonic was back on his feet again, but his mind was in too much of a daze, his powers were too strong now, flowing through him and burning with a rage that felt brighter than the sun. Brighter than whatever that creature of lava was that his mind kept vague distant memories of. That haunted his nightmares. This was it.
He'd hurt Sonic and his friends for the last time.
"Silver, stop! It's okay! That's enough!"
Like hell it is. He lifted an abandoned nearby vehicle and encased it in cyan, a bit too large, and before he could think clearly, threw it with all his might.
A loud crash and thud, and the world went quiet. Okay, maybe he threw that a bit too strongly. Maybe the smoke from the machine Eggman had been cowering in was enough of a sign to back down. His awareness of what he was doing came back to him with the sensation of vertigo, and oh, shit, what happened?
Amy shrieked, Sonic skidded to a halt and Silver landed to the ground again, frozen still.
"God, Silver..." Sonic finally started.
His heart stopped and sank to his stomach as the horrible silence began to set in, save for the crackling of the embers from the fire in the air, the dust settling to reveal the damage that had been caused. And Silver's mind was trying desperately to block out any instances of the color red he saw as his eyes struggled to focus on the pile of debris laying in front of him, struggling to process that not that long ago there was a man in his missile-launching machine there, and he was not fighting back anymore.
He turned back to the others, fear evident on his own face as he had to look at theirs, and he was almost pleading he didn't do what he thought he did. This was supposed to be the right thing to do, right? Then why was he hoping this wasn't happening? Amy held both hands over her mouth and looked as though she saw a ghost. Shadow looked somehow hurt, like he'd just been stabbed. Knuckles was in pure shock, and Sonic seemed to be in a similar enough state.
"What did you do?"
Back at the now-abandoned Resistance HQ, Silver sat frozen on a bench in a cold room, unsure if he'd fully processed what he had done just yet. What the barely conscious part of his brain was sure of was that he hated this sickening, haunted place with his whole heart, of which was racing beyond belief, though he still could not feel it.
Was that right? That was the right thing to do, wasn't it? It was to save the world. He's the 'bad guy.' So why do I feel like such a sick monster?
The others had stopped here, leaving Silver in the room until he left his zoned out state. They weren't so sure on what to do next, this was never planned or an idea in their minds. They'd seemed uneasy around Silver, and he couldn't remove the image of Sonic's scowl towards him. It squeezed at his heart. He thought he was only protecting him, his injuries were still obvious even. He took it too far, though, and he can't take it back, can he? Time traveling now was only to alleviate himself of the consequences.
And even then... didn't he make the right call if the future would now be safer...?
And with that question in his mind, he couldn't bear it if his actions still left no effect on the future, and all of that had been for nothing at all. His face contorted into pure fear with that thought and he pushed it back as far, far away as he could.
Silver only half acknowledged the click of the door closing and the slow footsteps approaching after a hesitant sigh, leaving a familiar metal clank on the ground with each step. He took a quick and silent deep breath to stop the nervous turning of his stomach and shot a quick glance upwards and away from his fidgeting hands, his eyes meeting the hedgehog he had expected to see.
Shadow's face had the same neutral frown it usually did, but something seemed a bit different. His arms were crossed a bit tighter, his eyes were hiding something hard to see. Something of a mix of sympathy and disdain. The corners of his mouth occasionally twitching but not too obviously.
Guilt wrung at Silver's insides like a towel as he sent his gaze back down to the cold, dusty, stone floor, unable to even get a word out his throat, his voice refusing to make a single sound. Shadow didn't say anything either. Silver could feel the burning stare on him. The silence hanging in the air was agonizing before Silver finally broke it with a louder breath, keeping his head resting against his knees and refusing to look up.
"D'you want something?" His voice was hoarse and quiet. Shadow seemed a bit surprised to hear it, inhaling with obvious anxiety that made Silver's stomach feel vaguely sick.
Am I the bad guy? Should they be afraid of me?
"I suppose I thought I'd check on you."
A bit more of quiet filled the room. Silver managed to lift his heavy head after a few seconds, looking Shadow in the eye, getting the subtlest tense from the other hedgehog. The exhausted, dull, and almost lifeless eyes of Silver's being enough to make anyone uneasy.
"That's not really why you came in, is it?"
Shadow blinked, then averted his gaze, eyebrows furrowing. Exhaling the breath he was holding in, he looked back at him, his typical neutral face changing slightly to reveal a more on edge one.
"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure why I did." He shifted his weight, and Silver couldn't stop focusing on that expression, wondering why it was there, overthinking it all as he began to fidget with his hands even more.
"Do you hate me?"
Shadow was quiet for a few seconds, seemingly caught off guard by the question while Silver's heart took off the moment it left his mouth, dread rising strongly within him as he awaited the answer.
"I don't know how I feel about you."
Silver's mouth went dry but his face remained blank. Shadow pointed to an empty spot on the bench, the previous expression replaced by his usual stoic one.
"May I sit down?"
"Sure." God, no.
There was a good bit of distance between them, and Silver dared not lift his head back up again, nor leave the little hunched over ball he was in, arms wrapped around himself in an attempt to keep him from having some anxiety attack then and there. Shadow blankly stared at the ground as well, going over all his noisy and jumbled thoughts over and over again and again, trying to make sense of it all.
"It's strange," Shadow finally said. "I don't know how to feel about what you did. I think it angers and sickens me a bit, though at the same time, I understand why you did it." He tightly held his hands together, anger boiling in him for a brief moment, but who it was directed towards, he wasn't sure. "Had I no relation to the Doctor, I'd probably be tempted to do the same."
There was a slight strain to Shadow's voice in his last sentence that made Silver's heart jump. He hadn't heard Shadow's voice do that before. It almost made him want to break then and there and apologize for what he did—yet at the same time, he was stubborn enough to still felt like he did the right thing in the end.
"I was just trying to save the world," Silver's voice nearly broke it's steadiness. He bit his tongue and swallowed the painful lump growing in his throat as he glanced up and through the sound-proof window on the other side of the room that looked out into the main room of the building where they'd have team meetings not too long ago. Sonic was pacing with a hand on his head, clearly disoriented and confused, while Amy was staring off into the distance, hand over her mouth in frozen disbelief, Knuckles talking to Sonic with an unreadable look in his eyes. Tails wasn't there when the incident happened. In fact, he was still at his workshop analyzing some of Eggman's weapons, unaware of what was happening. Sonic refused to let him know just yet.
"I think I just ruined everything," he hid his head again in his arms, shutting his stinging eyes.
Silence. It made Silver's throat feel like it was tightening more and his eyes began to water, the dams holding it all back losing their strength, and there was a slight tremble to him as he fought back all of his emotions. He really messed up. Least he can do is not cry about it. He especially didn't deserve comfort over it. Why was he even so emotional?
"Ca-can-" Silver inhaled sharply. "Can you- I just-" a sigh, "I don't think I fully understand why it was wrong."
"Well, killing is typically seen as being a bad thing most of the time," Shadow said monotonically and matter-of-factly, yet it seemed to be in a slightly sarcastic kind of way. Silver's head was too loud and dizzy to decipher if it was or not.
"I know that. I guess what I mean is..." He paused, thinking over his next words. They brought a strangely familiar solemn feeling to his chest. "To kill someone to save the world..." I've said this before... "If it's for that reason, is it really so bad?"
Shadow's eyes widened, and Silver shrunk back, looking away. Maybe that was a stupid thing to say. No, it was beyond stupid. There's no 'right' when it comes to the concept of killing, is there? It felt as though his heart was beating against his chest and trying to find its way up his throat, his hands shaking as he balled them into fists. Oh no, he was going to start panicking soon enough.
"I wouldn't know," Shadow said, looking out the window. Somehow, for some reason, it seemed like Sonic was near crying. "I've never really followed any sort of moral system. There are things I consider reprehensible and wrong, and there are things I don't exactly care about either way. I've never seen myself as a sort of hero like Sonic and the others and I don't consider most things I do to be right or whatever. There are things I've done some would consider bad. Most things are different with every person, really, and when it comes to what's 'right' or 'wrong' with death is very complicated."
"Do you think what I did was wrong?"
"No."
Silver's head jolted up in surprise, looking back over at him. Shadow continued to have a distant look, not acknowledging Silver's complete bewilderment.
"I don't know if it's necessarily right, either. But again, if I were to remove the fact I am..." A pause, and a flash of a distraught expression that faded as quickly as it appeared. "Was... related to him, I'd probably not care that you did what you did. Maybe I'd even be glad you did it. Maybe some part of me still is."
Silver's surprise slowly faded long enough for him to speak again, and he did so hesitantly. "So... you're upset because he's family, right?" His voice was full with guilt he didn't want to have. He did the right thing as far as he was concerned, and yet...
"He was my last living family," Shadow sighed a bit heavily, looking away from the window but keeping from looking at Silver, watching the dust dance around the room. "That's why I don't know how to feel about it."
"Oh," Silver only said. It was finally clicking. Right. That's so obvious, and Silver didn't consider it. He was so angry and resentful, being driven to a point where he couldn't bear to wake up one more day in a ruined future when there was one person it all kept pointing back to. A person that refused to change. It was either going to be him or Eggman. But now... he felt awful. The guilt and shame were overtaking his anger, and he bowed his head, truly sorrowful for the first time since he'd done it.
"I'm sorry."
"You're not."
"I am!" Silver's voice strained and cracked, enough to get Shadow to look back at him and see the glassy eyes barely holding back tears. "I think I am... I'm..." Silver shot a quick look at the window to see the other three, still looking confused and dazed. "I don't know if I'm sorry for what I did, completely. What I am sorry for is hurting you. For hurting you and the others. I thought... I - I thought-"
His voice broke, his ability to hold it together broke like a decades old load-bearing beam breaking away and bringing a building down with it. His eyes overflowed bringing streaming tears, sobs were finding their way out when he didn't want them to. He tried his best to wipe away at his face to no avail. Humiliating.
"I thought I was doing something good! Or... or maybe I wasn't thinking of that. I - I was just so frustrated and- and annoyed. I can't even bother to consider anything I'm doing anymore! I was so angry and I-" he put his head in his hands, clutching at some of his quills, desperately trying to calm down, to stop the words that wouldn't stop spilling out. "M-Maybe it wasn't about saving the world this time. I think it... it wasn't on my mind when I - I did it. I think part of it was selfishly... thinking of myself, and how- how angry I was. How unfair it all felt... And now I'm crying! Th-this is so stupid." He attempted to catch his breath, and his tone became more defeated. "And with Sonic-! I got scared. I thought it'd... I just wanted to keep you guys safe."
Silver tried with everything in him to stop his breakdown, to hold it all back, and it was physically paining him. Shadow only watched, frozen as he was unsure what to do. This continued on for what felt like hours, but was only a minute or so before Shadow sighed, looking away briefly, then shortened the distance between the two, only a little, resting a hand on Silver's shoulder and making him startle and freeze up, tears still streaming without any chance of stopping.
"I..." Shadow hesitated, thinking over his words. "I think... you don't have to be sorry."
"Huh?"
"You're right, it was unfair to you, but..." Shadow trailed off, sighing as his hand left Silver's shoulder and he stared at the ground with a face of concentration. An attempt to once more slowly untangle the thoughts in his head. "I wonder if there was another way. Probably not. It was always him causing the world to nearly end practically every month. His plans have costed lives. I remember multiple times I'd feel annoyance over Sonic's forgiveness towards him time and time again, despite how worn out he'd began to look as time went on. I couldn't understand that forgiveness. I remember feeling hatred towards the Doctor over his lies and manipulation back when I had my memory loss, any help he offered only ever being to save his own skin. Rouge, Omega and I would always set out to find out what his next plan was and shut it down before it happened, and that was exhausting too, though I never wanted to admit that."
Shadow rubbed at his eyes with his palms, realizing then how tired they felt, also trying to ignore the headache that felt like it was squeezing at his skull. Silver watched with sympathy, the tears having slowed down and only the occasional sniffle replacing the sobs.
Shadow leaned back against the bench, only looking straight ahead at nothing but the cracked and rusted wall.
He'd hated this place as well.
"The truth is that Eggman had constantly tired us all out without a care in the world for his own selfish reasons. He'd put all of our lives at risk. He wanted us gone, he could've cared less if Sonic had died. And as much as I'd hate to admit this fact—" he scowled for a moment with a quick roll of his eyes, "We're all just... kids," he said with a hiss of bitterness to it. Rouge would never stop teasing him if she knew what he'd finally admitted to. "Most of us are, anyway. It's hard to remember sometimes, but we're a few years away from being adults. And hell, Tails and Amy aren't even teenagers. It's not fair to any of us to be considered the heroes of the planet or whatever. Especially not Sonic who's been doing this for who knows how long. Yet nobody else really steps in, do they?"
He shook his head, noticing his quick ramble. "I guess my point is," he looked back over at Silver, "I think it was only a matter of time before one of us snapped. He probably knew that too."
Silver's eyes widened, then he looked back to the ground, noticing his shoes still faintly stained a red that twisted his stomach. He swallowed down what felt like bile rising up.
"I'm a murderer now, aren't I?" Silver's voice didn't waver this time, it was said dully, emptily. "That's not a 'hero', right? It's no wonder the others aren't talking to me. I don't deserve any friends for this."
Seconds ticked on, but this time, Silver felt numb about it. No anxiety, no fear, no guilt. Just hollow.
"Everyone's just in shock. And for the record, I don't hate you," Shadow broke the short quiet. "I shouldn't have implied the possibility. My family and how I feel about it all is... complicated, but at the end of the day..." he lightly put his hand on Silver's forearm, enough to get his attention. Still, Silver avoided looking at him, his eyes only glancing at where Shadow's hand was. "I do care about you more than I ever could've cared about Eggman."
Silver stayed silent, turning his head the opposite direction from Shadow, clenching his hands into fists. Shadow frowned, then, carefully, moved his hand down and over one of Silver's. He didn't object, opening his hand as Shadow held it, though Silver didn't fully hold it back. The gentle and kind action, however, made him hold his breath when he felt emotions once again rising in his chest and threatening to make him break and let everything out.
I don't deserve this. He couldn't speak. At the same time, he didn't move his hand away. He didn't want to.
"Do you think you did the right thing?" Shadow asked carefully, in a softer tone than the one he had before.
Silver looked over his shoulder, revealing his red and tearful eyes to Shadow and pausing on his answer. The smallest squeeze to his hand didn't go unnoticed.
"I - I don't..." Silver's voice made practically no sound. His eyes darted quickly between Shadow and the window, watching the other three talk to each other. At one point, Sonic glanced over at Silver, making him freeze for a second. Sonic smiled a little, but it faded quickly as he turned away. Silver winced. He didn't realize he had held Shadow's hand back.
He was then interrupted by the cries he tried to hold in. He kept his gaze downward, and Shadow let go of his hand.
Good.
But then he instead wrapped his arm around Silver's shoulders, quietly mumbling a "Here." He tensed at first, and though Silver's mind was arguing with him loudly over this, over the concept of being comforted, he immediately leaned into it, resting his head against Shadow's shoulder as he started breaking down completely.
"Why isn't it that simple?!" Silver choked out mid-cry.
"I don't know," Shadow said. "But I think maybe in the end, you were right."
Silver didn't know how to talk anymore, every word was drowned out with a sob, but there were no more words to be said. Many questions still were left in everyone's minds, of course, and no one knew what came next, but there was no pure hatred towards each other, Silver had to accept that. He wasn't used to crying, much less in front of anyone, and he couldn't understand why he was. Maybe it was the fear and uncertainty of it all. Maybe it was because he'd never been the one to directly take a life before, as far as he could remember. Maybe it was the kindness he was being given and felt underserving of. Shadow gently rubbed his shoulder.
"We'll figure it out, Silver," he looked at the window, Sonic was watching with a small, sympathetic smile, despite it all. Shadow noticed the shine in his eyes indicating tears. It was then that Shadow realized he'd, embarrassingly to him, begun to tear up as well, just a little.
It was odd, how the death of someone hurtful can affect you.
"I think it'll be okay." Neither were sure of it, but Silver accepted it for now as he eventually gave into his exhaustion and drifted off in the warm hold.