Chapter Text
Jean…
The voice saying her name. It’s Lisa’s; it’s always Lisa’s. She can always tell that it’s her voice. It’s light and melodic, and it occasionally sparks memories of Jean’s mother’s hushed voice telling her of the grand history of Mondstadt and the deeds of the Gunnhildr clan before tucking her into bed at night, though these memories are few and far between on top of being so difficult to remember that sometimes Jean wonders if they’re not memories at all, but dreams that the young girl wished were real so terribly that she convinced herself that that’s what they were. Real.
Growing up, Jean didn’t resent her strict upbringing nor her mother, even in the slightest. As a young lady, she holds no ill-will to her mother, and she never has, really. Shouldering the burden of the Gunnhildr name is something that has to be done, and doing so brings peace of mind to the people of Mondstadt. She doesn’t mind this work, but she sometimes looks longingly out the office window at her peers, or simply looks outside at a world that seems so much freer than hers, even today as a young adult. Her mind wanders during these times, imagining a life where she is not the Acting Grand Master nor the Dandelion Knight, but a normal girl living in Mondstadt.
She would stroll the peaceful streets of Mondstadt whenever she wanted to without the tall stacks of paperwork threatening to tip over when she returned to her office. She would go out drinking with her coworkers and friends from time to time at the Angel’s Share, and she wouldn’t feel so conflicted every time she saw Master Diluc wiping a wine glass clean when she dropped by. She would finally take up Lisa on her offers for afternoon tea, and they would chat without Jean feeling… tense. Perhaps she would even fall in love.
However, she always quickly dismisses these thoughts and returns to work. It’s no use pondering what-ifs and what-nots, Jean, or you’ll never get your work done by the end of the day. No matter how many times she tells herself that, she still thinks about it from time to time.
Jean.
It’s Lisa again. Jean comes to the realization that this is another dream. It’s the one where Lisa calls out to her, but this is the second time she’s called her name. Not only that, it’s much clearer than it usually is. She’s been having this dream more often; the one where Lisa calls out her name. She can’t see or hear anything else, and Lisa’s voice is difficult to hear, as if she’s speaking from behind several layers of glass. Jean looks around for her, searching almost frantically, but she’s never found her before she wakes up. So, she decides to try something new and clears her throat.
“Lisa?” Her voice echoes, but it travels slowly. Suddenly, she seems to… feel something. Cold, heavy. She’s moving in the direction she assumes to be down, but she’s not moving a muscle. Startled, she starts flailing and realizes: she’s underwater, and sinking. She tries to suck in a panicked breath and chokes on water, expelling what air she had left in her lungs. Air. She tilts her head so she can see where the air bubbles lead, which turns out to be a pinhole of light. It’s probably too far for her to swim, but it’s her only option. She claws herself up before her lungs and vision totally give. As the light grows bigger, a familiar silhouette blocks out part of it.
“Jean?”
Lisa. Lord Barbatos, it’s Lisa. With what energy she has left, she begins clambering faster. Her throat burns, and her lungs are screaming at her to take in a breath. She’s bordering on unconsciousness, and her vision is growing darker. But the details of the silhouette become clearer. Jean can see her rose hair tie holding her low ponytail together as it drapes over her shoulder, and her broad-brimmed hat sitting atop her head perfectly, even as she leans over to see into the water. Even as she thinks that she may not make it to the surface, Jean finds Lisa stunning nonetheless. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. I have to... make it to Lisa. Her muscles already start to give, and her body forces her to take in the water. Despite seemingly being regular freshwater, it tastes more bitter than it did before, and she has to force herself to keep it down. She forces her hands to reach up, but she’s sinking again. She’s taken in too much water.
“JEAN!”
She’s almost there. She’s so close. She’s close enough to see Lisa’s lovely jade eyes fill with panic and tears, but too far to make it to the surface. Lisa. I can’t… do this to her. I… But what could she do? I can’t believe you would cry over me. Thank… Her consciousness is slipping. She can’t move, and she doesn’t have the strength to keep her eyes open for much longer. Lisa thrusts her gloved hands underwater to Jean, but she’s already sunk too far for her reach and too weak to swim up to her. She finally decides to dive into the water to take Jean up. Through her minimal vision, she could see her, desperately swimming towards her with outstretched arms. Lisa’s hat remains on the surface and bobs up and down with the commotion her panicked swimming makes. Air escapes her mouth as she tries to yell Jean’s name again, and her hands are within reach of Jean’s.
Li… sa…
She shoots herself upright in a cold sweat, which is followed by a horrible screeching noise, and she almost falls over onto her back. Fortunately, she’s quick enough to catch herself. Jean is in her office at the Knights of Favonius headquarters, alone. The sun is peeking over the horizon; she must have fallen asleep while doing paperwork. Once she gets ahold of herself, she pulls her chair from under her back to its place at her desk with her clammy, gloved hands. She pulls off her gloves to wipe them off with a handkerchief and notices that her hands are quivering ever so slightly. Her dream, no matter how steeled her nerves are, was unsettling. After shaking off the rest of her unease, she searches her desk for her handkerchief to no avail. It’s possible that she may have knocked it off when jolting herself awake, and she finds it sitting next to a chair leg. When she bends down to pick it up, something else on the floor catches her attention: a blanket. It’s purple satin, with roses and the initials “L. M.” in graceful cursive embroidered with a lighter thread on one corner. A familiar flowery perfume wafts toward her from it. Even if she hadn’t caught Lisa sleeping on the clock with this blanket on her lap a couple times, it’s pretty obvious whose it is. Jean guesses that Lisa saw her napping in her office and wrapped it around her. How thoughtful, she thinks to herself, smiling and feeling the soft fabric of the librarian’s blanket between her thumb and index finger.
She’s incredibly perceptive to the needs of people around her, to the extent some find it strange. At a dinner with some of the higher ranking Knights of Favonius, the Cavalry Captain even said as a throwaway comment that while Lisa was attentive to everyone, she seemed especially aware of the Acting Grand Master’s needs. Jean quickly denied it, claiming that was just what Lisa was like with everyone, but the other captains nodded in agreement with him. Even Eula joined, despite how little time she spends at the Knights of Favonius headquarters. She even had something to add about their relationship, but Jean dismissed herself from the table to get some fresh air, to her confusion. Later that day, Kaeya teased her for her flushed cheeks when she returned to the table. Jean brushed him off, saying it was just because it was hot outside. Kaeya, too, is perceptive, but he usually uses his talents to tease or blackmail people into giving him information. As someone who holds the second highest position in the Knights of Favonius, she cannot officially endorse his actions. However, she does have to admit his ability to obtain intel (even if she has absolutely no idea where he could have gotten it from) is unparalleled, and his loyalty to Mondstadt and its people is unquestionable, which reassures her quite a bit.
While her mind wanders, her hands have folded Lisa’s blanket into a neat square with the embroidery facing up. Jean brushes the dust accumulated from dropping it on the floor and places it on a corner of her desk, making a mental note to return it to her after all of her work for today is done. Work. Jean fell asleep at her desk while working. She’s behind. She scrambles to find where she left off, quickly flipping through the stack to find blanks where there should be penwork. There are… none. She flips through again, this time more carefully. There’s no blanks, she confirms, but the handwriting does change part way through. She reasons that it has to be Kaeya’s. It’s neat and legible (ruling out Lisa’s rushed cursive), and the information that’s been filled in only Jean, he, or Grand Master Varka would know off the top of their head. The Grand Master has been on an expedition for months, so that rules him out. She would have to treat him to a drink at the tavern some time as thanks.
Speaking of him, she’s alerted by his relaxed footsteps tip-tapping in the halls. He hums a tune to himself, which would be normal from him if it wasn’t… Jean glances at her clock. Not even 6 a.m. Kaeya is far from a morning person, so to find him awake at this hour, let alone this content, is bizarre. Nonetheless, Jean decides to go out to thank him for his work. She sticks her head out from inside her room to confirm with her eyes that it is, in fact, the Cavalry Captain. His eyes are closed, but he cracks one open at the sound of the Grand Master’s office door opening. He grins slyly.
“Morning, Master Jean. Sleep well?”
“Oh. Yes, I did.” She steps outside. “I just wanted to thank you for completing the remainder of my paperwork while I dozed off. I could treat you to something at-”
Kaeya laughs and waves her off. “Don’t worry about that. I’ve already been compensated for my labor.”
“I… haven’t done anything though?”
“I was given a generous, unopened bottle of Dawn Winery’s own dandelion wine. I’ll be alright.” Guess that explains why he seems so upbeat this morning. He closes his eyes again, as if he was savoring the subtly sweet, refreshing flavor on his tongue more. “Of course, I know what you’re thinking,” He turns to Jean. A bit clumsily, one might add, considering his usual demeanor. “‘Cavalry Captain Kaeya Alberich, why in Teyvat would you of all people pass up on the opportunity for more liquor from one of Mondstadt’s finest taverns by telling me that you’ve already been reimbursed for my— your work?’” Jean is, in fact, not thinking that. At all, really. She does think, however, that he might be a bit tipsy, but she lets him finish anyways. “Well, someone told me not to demand anything of you in exchange for dandelion wine. She— they requested that I don’t tell you.” He not-so-subtly glances at the door to the library. He actually stares it down for a bit, but he doesn’t seem to realize it. After an uncomfortably long silence filled with him almost glaring at the door, he returns his gaze to Jean. “I’ve probably said too much, so I’ll get going before Lisa finds out.” Kaeya goes back on his way, casually waving and stumbling away as if he didn’t just blurt out the name he was very definitely trying to not.
Jean absentmindedly waves him off. Lisa. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. The more she repeats this name in her mind, the more noticeably her heart palpitates. It seems that’s today’s theme. Lisa. She can barely look at the library door without feeling tense. It’s because she can’t think of a way to repay her, of course. That must be it. No other reason for her strange blush when she thinks of seeing Lisa today. Jean pivots and walks back to her office, but just before her hand reaches the handle, she hesitates. She sneaks a look at the library doors, as if she’s expecting the woman of the hour to be standing outside its doors. Of course, she isn’t. However, Jean reasons she might be inside. She quite likes spending time in the library, evidenced by the books scattered behind the librarian’s desk, among personal belongings that should probably not be in a library. If she is, isn’t it better to thank her sooner than later?
As she makes her way to the library doors, she feels unsettled. Uncomfortable. Maybe she would be bothering Lisa. Even if she’s in the library, it’s unlikely she’s awake at this hour of the day; she treasures her beauty sleep. Sure, the librarian is forgiving toward her, but waking her just to say thanks for getting Kaeya to do her work and giving her a blanket might irritate her. Jean goes back to her office, but not without stealing a glance at the library doors one more time. Despite how awkward she felt being near the library, an equal, opposite feeling seemed to entice her. She should see Lisa. Yes. That is her final decision. Or is it?
After some more ridiculous back and forth, she finally does, actually, commit to seeing Lisa. Her purple blanket is tucked under one of her arms. Cautiously, her fingers brush the metal of the handle, and she flinches. Despite wearing gloves, the contact startles her. Inhale… hold… exhale. This time, she opts to a gentle knock on the door. Her breath catches in her throat. She feels incredibly embarrassed. There’s no reason for her to feel or act this way. Her mother’s stern voice echoes in her mind, “You’re a Gunnhildr. Get it together.” That’s the voice she always hears: reprimanding, but not sharp. Not to the point it hurt, anyway. The look Frederica Gunnhildr paired with these words wasn’t abrasive, but it wasn’t warm either. She could never get a read on her mother, not as a child, not as an adult woman.
There’s no response. Perhaps she didn’t knock loud enough. She raps on the wood again. Her arms cross across her chest, not out of frustrated impatience, but rather a futile attempt to soothe herself. She gripped her arms with such intensity that the next day, she would find that her upper arms were spotted blue and violet. However, that would be an issue for tomorrow’s Jean. Today’s Jean stands in front of the library door that towers over her, shaking in her boots waiting for the brunette library to give any sign that she’s inside. And so she waits. And so she receives another ambiguously unresponsive response. The normal next step would be to return to her office and visit at a later time. Jean, however, feels that it would be a waste. A waste of what, she doesn't know. Maybe the energy she needed to collect herself just to even approach the door, her time and brainpower contemplating whether to talk to Lisa now or later, or something else entirely. Maybe it was a little bit of all of that.
She makes big decision number two of today: open the door to see if Lisa's inside. The tense woman could barely hear the door creak open over her heart threatening to ba-dump loudly enough to tear her eardrums. Uncharacteristically, she timidly pokes her head through the opening. She stiffens, catching sight of the Knights of Favonius' Librarian sitting at her desk with reading glasses, deep in another heavily annotated book.
Her eyes don't change their course of quick darting back and forth while reading as she addresses the presumed regular patron. "Sorry, the library isn't open at the mo-" She briefly looks up out of curiosity, and her eyes settle on Jean's. Her warm jade eyes force her to recall the image of Lisa crying and frantically reaching out to her. Jean shakes it off. The feeling, however, lingers. She gives a small wave, and Lisa closes her book, placing it on her cluttered desk. "Oh. Morning, Jean."
"Good morning, Lisa." She hides how Lisa's melodic voice saying her name triggers a strange, but not foreign, fluttery feeling in her heart. Her feet wobbily carry her to the librarian’s desk. "I came to return- um- your blanket." The blonde knight fumbles with the blanket as she says it, face growing warm with embarrassment. She presents it with two hands.
Lisa accepts it with two hands and stows it away in a desk compartment. "Thank you, dear. How did you sleep last night?"
"I slept well. Thank you for lending me your blanket; it definitely helped." Jean rubs the back of her neck. "Oh, and thank you for getting Kaeya to finish up my paperwork for yesterday."
Lisa's expression immediately sours at the mention of Kaeya but quickly returns to her pleasant, relaxed face. She seems a little bit irritated, though. Maybe a lot irritated. "Hm. Well, you weren’t exactly supposed to know that.” Jean winces for Kaeya. “Nonetheless, don’t think anything of it. Mondstadt’s precious Acting Grandmaster can’t be collapsing on us from overwork, now can she?” She practically purrs the last sentence, sending shivers up Jean’s spine. Without warning, her eyes rapidly, but thoroughly study the knight’s face. Jean stiffens. “Speaking of collapsing,” The librarian rolls out a cushioned stool from under her desk and taps its cushion with a gloved palm. “You look pale. Please, have a seat.” She sighs, delicately resting her cheek in her other hand.
Reluctantly, Jean settles herself on the library stool, stiffly putting her knees together with her hands in her lap. “Thank you for worrying about me, but really, it’s not that bad. It’s my duty as Acting Grandmaster anyways.” With an awkward half-laugh, she starts, “For Mondst-”
“For Mondstadt, as always.” Heavy sigh. Lisa’s concern touched the Acting Grandmaster, but it was fine, really. Working long nights with little break was what Jean was used to. The brunette bites her lip before chiming in again. “Anyway, was there something else you needed from me? While I’d love to have breakfast tea with you, I wouldn’t want to hinder your knightly duties and such.” Her smile is thin, and had it been someone else there, the fact that it was forced would have flown over their head. Jean picks up on it, and it piques her curiosity. She decides against asking about it, however.
“Spending time with you could hardly be considered a hindrance.” She freezes up at the frankness of her own language. “That… wasn’t what I wanted to say. N-not that I don’t enjoy being with you, but—” Her eyes lock with Lisa’s, and she catches an amused grin playing at her lips. She averts her eyes and clears her throat, face growing hot. “Um… what I was going to say was that I wanted to thank you for doing so much for me. I want to express how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Of course for today, but also since… I’ve known you.” Formally extending her thanks to those who have helped her is something Jean was taught as a young Gunnhildr. This time it feels strange. Raw. Vulnerable, even. Yet… freeing.
“There’s really no need, sweetheart. You already do so much for Mondst—”
Lisa reaches for her teacup to take a sip when Jean interrupts, “I want to do this for you , Lisa.”
“Hrk—” The normally elegant lady librarian chokes on her drink and starts pounding on her chest. Jean stands up quickly, knocking her stool back. With her free hand, Lisa waves her hand, communicating that there was no need to panic while sounding like she’s going to hack up a lung. After an uncharacteristically unsophisticated coughing fit, Lisa clears her throat. “When did Dandelion Knight Jean Gunnhildr get so bold? Where are you hiding the real Jean?” She coughs a few more times, hiding her red face behind her gloved hand.
Aforementioned Dandelion Knight slowly pulls the stool back to the desk and seats herself. “I mean it, Lisa. I want to do something for you. You—” This time, she catches herself before saying something else embarrassing. She takes a deep breath before starting again. “It’s the least I can do.”
Lisa is conscientious as she formulates a response. She leans over to pick up her now half-empty teacup and swirls the liquid for a moment. Jean wishes she chose not to wear gloves because Lord Barbatos, they are humid, and Lisa is taking her sweet time, staring into the cup of black tea, swirling it around. The witch takes a slow, contemplative sip before setting the teacup back on its saucer.
“Fine.”
Jean exhales her held breath.
The temptress rests her chin on her hands. “Let’s go out.”
Jean almost falls out of her chair. An amused giggle slips from Lisa’s lips.
“A week from today. You need a break, and I want to spend some time with you. How does that sound, Master Jean?” Her tone is teasing, especially as she says “Master Jean”. Strangely, Jean doesn’t mind as much as she thought she would.
She does mind something else though. “I-I can’t leave the Knights unattended!”
“Then leave them to Kaeya.”
“It wouldn’t be enough of a notice; it would be impolite.”
“Better let him know sooner than later, then. It’s only one day, anyway.” Her grin widens. “Though I certainly wouldn’t mind if you wanted to take a few more days off.”
The Acting Grand Master is at a loss for words. After a long moment of silence filled with the librarian gazing at her with a sly smile and raised eyebrows, she concedes. “I… suppose one day is fine. Thank you, Lisa.”
“Why are you thanking me?” She picks up her book from the desk and goes back to reading. “Didn’t you say that you’d be treating me, dear?”
Jean opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Anything she says would probably be quickly dismissed by the languid librarian since she has very obviously clocked out of this conversation. Not because she has lost interest, no, but she seems to have decided that any more words exchanged would have been wasted. Efficient, as always.
Perhaps a waste of words, but as Jean pushes the door open to leave, she turns back to Lisa. “Then… see you in a week.”
Lisa waves inattentively, not looking up from her book. “I look forward to it.”
As soon as the door is gently, but fully, closed, Jean collapses into the door with a heavy sigh.
“Lord Barbatos, what have I gotten myself into?”