Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first time it happened, they had all been shocked. Even Ranboo.

He was out shopping with Tommy and Tubbo at the time, the blond picking up a game he’d pre-ordered and the brunet wanting to grab some clothes. Everything had been great. Tommy had split off to meet a friend who worked at a nearby store, leaving himself and Tubbo to explore some pop culture shop. 

Maybe the first sign should have been how warm he started to feel. 

He had noticed it feeling hotter, but Tubbo had taken off his jacket too so it was easy to assume the store was just warm. It was rather small, after all, with times crammed just about everywhere. Not so much as to make it impossible to navigate, but definitely making it into more of a challenge. 

Besides, they’d done a lot of walking today, lapping the mall like four or five times simply because Tommy was telling stories and he had been leading the trio around. Sure, it had been a bit uncomfortable for Ranboo due to all of the people and how loud everything was, but it had been manageable. Tubbo had let him cling onto the sleeve of his jacket, checking in every now and then.

Oh. It was starting to feel really hot. Maybe he should slip out into the main area… but then he’d be alone. And that was far more terrifying than being a little warm. Besides, they were getting in line already!

Tubbo was holding a couple toys and smiled up at him before it dropped briefly into a frown. “Are you good, boss man? Lookin’ a little pale, which is saying something for you.”

Ranboo snorted, nodding. That turned out to be a bad idea, static dancing behind his eyes briefly as the edges of his vision seemed to fade to black for a moment after. 

“Yeah, ‘m fine. Just a bit warm.”

Tubbo let out a sympathetic hum, hooking the split dyed haired teen’s arm through his own. “We’re next, do you think you can hold out? I can set this shit down and help you go sit until Tommy comes back.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Tubbo nodded, stepping forward and talking to the person behind the register, doing his best to speed the process along while still being polite. 

Ranboo hardly noticed.

His heart had sped up some the moment they had gotten to the counter, his ears slowly unfocusing on everything. It felt as though the world were a radio, and someone had begun turning the volume down bit by bit. Barely noticeable at first, but soon the cashier was handing Tubbo his bag and Ranboo couldn’t hear anything .

Somehow it was more terrifying than hearing everything. Maybe it was because he was so used to the noise, the buzz of life that was a constant even if the most silent of spaces. It had been impossible to escape, his body all but feeling. 

Now there was nothing. 

Tubbo was pulling him along carefully, and Ranboo was clearly walking worse than normal too because Tubbo wrapped an arm around him and helped him to the front of the store. He became incredibly thankful for this when his vision fully failed him. All too quickly, he’d gone from the insufferable cling of static to complete darkness, unable to even tell how his head was oriented anymore. 

Ranboo was panicking , which only seemed to make things worse.

“Help…” He wasn’t sure how loud he spoke, but Tubbo was shifting to carry more of his weight and they were shuffling along just a bit faster. 

His sense of touch was fading fast, and while normally Ranboo wasn’t the most tactile person he found himself clinging to any proof that Tubbo was still there desperately , though his grip felt incredibly weak. 

“Help…” Ranboo rasped out desperately, trying to steady his breathing. The tears were forming, and his head was getting fuzzy. “Can’t- can’t see. Can’t hear. Hel- help …”

Ranboo found himself being sat down, something touching his ear that made him jolt away at first before he recognized the cold plastic of his earbuds. Whoever was helping him - god, he hoped it was still Tubbo - tried again, and he felt the familiar weight as though it were a dream. Distant, imaginative even, yet also painfully real. 

He couldn’t hear the music, but if he focused he could feel the way it moved, the vibrations cutting through his strange shut down like the moon finally shining through the darkest cloud. 

A hand grabbed his own, and he knew it was Tubbo. He could recognize the calloused, cracked skin of his best friend anywhere. Tubbo guided Ranboo’s hand up his arm, pausing in the crook of his elbow before slipping back to his palm. When Ranboo’s hand made it back down, he squeezed, causing Ranboo to inhale a bit in shock. 

And then it clicked.

Tubbo was trying to help him breathe, and if he weren’t already practically collapsing in on himself he would have thanked the brunet. 

Slowly, the world returned. His vision came first, each blink revealing just a tiny bit more each time. He was sitting near the food court, on one of the weird little plush benches just outside the store they’d been in. Tubbo was standing in front of him, alternating between checking how he was doing, glaring at any passerby whose eyes lingered too long for the teen’s liking and scanning the hall behind them like a hawk. 

Touch came back next, Ranboo slotting back into his body like a puzzle piece. The sensation came back far too quickly to be comfortable, but Tubbo seemed to notice the shift and threw on his jacket before guiding Ranboo’s hand back into the pattern. He’d cry if it wouldn’t hurt and scare his friend even more. 

Sound returned like a sucker punch, going from straining to pick up on the music playing in his ears to the usual over alertness. 

Tubbo looked ready to speak, but then his eyes landed on something and he relaxed. Ranboo turned to look and saw Tommy speed walking towards them, a taller brunet with curls hot in his heels holding a small thing of plain fries and a bottle of coke. 

“Ranboo!! Holy shit man, what happened to you? You look like a fuckin’ ghost!” Tommy came to a sliding halt beside him, practically throwing himself down on the strange bench next to the still recovering teen. 

Ranboo just shrugged, staring at the stranger. 

“Hi, sorry. You haven’t met me. I’m Wilbur.” The stranger passed him the fries and drink, smiling. “Tommy was ready to sprint back here to get you these, the gremlin.”

Ranboo nodded, carefully taking a fry and eating it slowly, before having a couple more. Conversation happened around him, but he was focused more on recuperating after whatever the heck that was. At some point he held his coke up without thinking, Tubbo taking it without so much as pausing in his sentence and opening it before handing it back to him.

And then attention was back on him, and he glanced around confused. 

“Doing better, Ran? You’ve got some colour back.” Tubbo pointed out, and he nodded back.

Words felt… really hard right now, but thankfully no one expected him to speak. 

Later, when it was just the trio once more - the other man, Wilbur , he’d learned, having to go back to work - Ranboo did his best to explain what happened. No one seemed to understand what triggered it. 

Tommy suggested it might have been a crash of sorts, that maybe his blood sugar had gotten too low or something. Ranboo just shrugged. There wasn’t much he could do about it now , so better not to dwell on it, right?

Wrong, apparently.

Trip after trip, he was fine. Then, months later, on an outing with Tommy, Wilbur and Wilbur’s adoptive father Phil, it happened again. 

They’d gone to some fancy store with lots of bubbles and hand sanitizers and candles . Wilbur was running in to grab something for his girlfriend, and the group had decided to stick together. 

Ranboo hadn’t minded, finding it strangely easy to talk to Phil despite this being the first time they’d met. Or at least, he’d found it easy until they walked into the store.

It stunk . 

There were so many smells all mixing together into a horrid stench that could only be summarized into suffocating. He went quiet instantly, the blond raising an eyebrow at him but shrugging it off fairly easily. Unfortunately, even with his mouth shut, he could still taste everything. 

He started absentmindedly rubbing his tongue on the roof of his mouth, as if he could scrape the taste away. 

No one seemed to notice anything was up, not even him, until Phil came back and hovered a little too close to be casual.

“Hey mate, I know I’m new and so if you’d rather me get Wil or Toms that’s fine, but are you doing alright?”

Ranboo’s eyebrows pinched together, and luckily that was enough to get Phil to elaborate. 

“You’re a bit more pale - which, granted, could just be because of the ridiculously bright lights they have in here - but you’re also trembling a bit.”

He looked down, holding his hands together and… Oh. He was. Rather than the usual twitch or barely perceptible shake, he was practically shivering, unable to make himself stop.

And then he noticed how warm it felt.

All at once it seemed to click, and Ranboo quickly shook his head no. Instead of freaking out, like he and Tubbo had done, Phil simply nodded. 

“Alright, I’m going to grab a hand for just a moment, is that okay?” 

He waited until Ranboo hesitantly nodded and still made sure to clearly show his intent the entire time, barely slipping his own hand under the teen’s trembling one. Ranboo was confused, and it was hot, and now that he’d noticed it was really clear something was wrong. The lights were bright, and lights like that were usually impossibly loud for some ungodly reason, the constant hum of electricity enough to make his teeth grind a bit on a good day.

But he couldn’t hear it. He could barely even hear the pop music that had been blasting since they entered.

“Okay, we’re going to get you out of here. Would you rather I help you out and then run back in quickly to tell the boys what's happened, or would you like to come along while I explain and then we can sit together? One squeeze for leaving now and two for tagging along for a moment. You can tap, too, if squeezing is too difficult.”

Ranboo blinked owlishly down at Phil for a moment, trying to process everything before looking down to the floor. He really didn’t want to be alone, last time this happened he almost passed out and the idea of fainting while alone - even if it would just be for a moment - was scary. Yet he wasn’t sure that staying while Phil tried to explain to Wilbur and Tommy was the best move either. 

The last time he tested his luck like that, he’d almost collapsed in the store. He wasn’t sure how he held on the first time, or if he would be able to do it again. He really didn’t want to make poor Phil drag him out…

But being alone was. Hm. He also really didn’t want that. At least with someone where he felt a bit more safe.

He did his best to squeeze his hand shut around Phil’s, and then opened it and stared at him slightly. Not making eye contact, of course. Never. But still doing his best to stare at his face and read the emotions happening there.

Only, there didn’t seem to be a whole lot of anything happening. Phil simply smiled at him, nodding, and offered the sleeve of the sweater he was wearing - which Ranboo latched onto almost immediately - before heading over to some corner full of scrubs and soaps that housed Wilbur and Tommy.

“Ayup, Phil! How’s it hangin’ big m- Woah . Ran, my buddy. My pal. Are you good?”

Ranboo was about to shake his head, but Phil spoke up.

“Nah. He’s feelin’ a bit shit, so we’re gonna go hang outside. I’ll text you lot if we wander off somewhere.”

And then they were just… leaving. Like that. As if it was that easy. Which, admittedly, it probably was.

Phil was pretty obviously watching him from the corner of his eye, but he made no move to grab Ranboo, and the teen didn’t really feel judged. Just seen . That was weird, admittedly. No one really cared to look at him. He was just that tall, lanky, kind of emo looking kid who hung out with everyone. There was no real reason to pay attention to him - thank god for that, attention did nothing with helping keep his nerves under control - so this was… strange. Not in a bad way, but… new.

Phil was a stranger. Strangers weren’t supposed to notice him. That was just how it worked. Tommy was loud, Tubbo was sassy, and Ranboo existed sometimes. Wilbur talked enough for the both of them, that was how he fit. But Phil… Phil was different.

Oh.

They were sitting.

Phil had brought him over to one of the back hallways, sitting across from him. He had taken out his phone, and was just sort of… scrolling. He was still paying attention, but the eyes were off him and Ranboo could breathe. 

“Thanks…” His voice was a bit tight, making him wince. It didn’t sound right . There wasn’t enough sorry in it, not nearly enough thankfulness. It didn’t sound normal .

But Phil just smiled at him, waving a hand through the air with a small chuckle. “No problem, mate. That was a lot even for me . If anything, thank you for getting us out of there.”

Ranboo smiled - or at least he tried to, he wasn’t sure how well his mask was passing - and rested his head against the wall, staring up at the ceiling.

“Doing a bit better, then?”

He just hummed. Why did words always have to be so hard, after these? It really wasn’t fair. Whoever rolling his dice for this weird game of life needed to stop getting Nat Ones for him, it was mean.

Only, again, Phil lived to confuse him. Because he just… smiled. Accepted the answer, the noise of a text being sent briefly filling the air before silence settled once more. 

The rest of the trip was fairly uneventful. Ranboo had a chance to settle, the worst of his “symptoms” as he’d taken to calling them - despite this only being the second time they’d reared their ugly head -  having been the tiniest bit of fuzzy eyes and cotton ears. Tommy came back with Wil, a small can of coke in hand. 

He claimed that two came out of the vending machine instead of one, and Ranboo smiled at his friend’s inability to admit how concerned he was.

It wasn’t so bad.

Then the most recent time happened, and Ranboo was borderline ready to bury himself under a rock and never return.

He’d been out shopping with Technoblade, the man buying some Christmas gifts for Wilbur, Tommy and Phil. It worked out really well, as he’d needed to grab something for Tubbo too. 

Ranboo was actually kind of excited, which was extremely rare when it came to going out - let alone going out shopping - but this was something to be excited about. He’d been working on speaking more just so he could talk to Techno some. 

Ranboo practically ran off the bus, launching himself into the warm arms and nestling his head next to the pink hair of home. 

Techno huffed a laugh, wrapping the teen in his embrace and patting his back gently. 

Ranboo liked Techno’s touch, most days. He didn’t know why Techno was safe , or why the rest of his friends weren’t, but it was nice to indulge himself a little. Besides, the man never seemed to mind, he was more than willing to snuggle back.

“Miss me or somethin’, kid?”

Ranboo huffed, holding a bit of air in his cheeks as he leaned back and glared playfully at his elder.

“No.”

Techno smirked, raising an eyebrow while nodding slowly. “Riiiight. Okay well, I don’t think you wanna be in there any longer than me so how about we speedrun this ‘nd then get some McDonalds?”

Ranboo nodded frantically, and they set off. 

A quick stop in the book shop to grab something Techno had ordered. A random purchase of something in a tech store that just screamed Tubbo to him. A short wander around a clothes store before Techno settled on a gift for Wilbur, and then a sprint to a toy store when Ranboo pointed out something to Technoblade that had been deemed perfect for Phil.

They’d decided to check out the jewelry shop before grabbing food, Techno looking for some new earrings and Ranboo checking the phone cases they had. Everything was fine! 

Everything was fine.

Only, halfway through checking out, Ranboo blinked as Techno was pulling out his card and suddenly it was black. An all too familiar heat settled onto the back of his neck, and his breathing must have picked up because he could feel Techno’s eyes on him. 

“Kid?”

Ranboo tried to speak, honest he did, but all that came out was a pitiful whine. Techno pulled him close, rubbing soothing stripes on his side.

“Shhh, okay. It’s okay. Another few seconds and we’re outta here, okay kid? You’re okay. Try to keep breathin’.”

Ranboo wanted to nod, but his whole body felt horrible . He wasn’t ready for it this time at all, everything had been fine . He was fine, it wasn’t loud or smelly, Technoblade had been right there, he didn’t even feel scared! 

At least, he didn’t think he had. 

Actually… he can’t remember how he had been feeling. He’d been so wrapped up in the fact he was having a good time with Techno that he hadn’t taken any time to do self check ins.

Whoops.

He heard the crinkle of the bag being passed, and then Techno was supporting most of his weight which was great because he felt ready to drop. Oh, and his hearing was gone. Great. No, yeah, that was exactly what he’d wanted.

Ranboo felt his phone slip from his hand, making a small panicked noise that was followed by a rumble next to him. They paused, and then were moving again. 

Techno tried to help him out, but his legs started to give. He felt Technoblade readjust once more, almost carrying Ranboo at this point and then they stopped. 

Ranboo couldn’t help it, he was shaking like a leaf, leaning as far into Techno as he could as he tried to keep his breathing under control. He could feel his own throat vibrating, probably making more sounds like a kicked puppy, but he couldn’t be bothered to put energy into stopping them right now. His body needed to make the noises, and he didn’t have the strength to slip his normal person mask back into place.

He could feel Technoblade shushing him, eyes shutting - at least he thought, god he couldn’t even tell when they were open anymore - in contentedness. 

Time passed. How much? God if he knows, it only felt like a minute or two but it could have been a lot longer. He managed to push himself away, legs unsteady but able to carry his weight.

“We-... -alk…. Outside.” Ranboo could hear most of that, but he nodded. 

Outside sounded lovely right now. He was so hot, and although it was a bit of a trip to make it to the next exit - realistically only a couple stores and a short hallway thing away, figuratively a hike and a half in his current state - he really didn’t want to be in the mall.

So he shuffled forward, Techno moving to help him. Slowly they made their way through the mall and to the food court doors.

Wait.

“Can see… O’ly lil bit.” 

Technoblade said something next to him, but it was completely lost to his frazzled brain. He assumed it was assurances that he would be okay.

They made it outside, Techno pulling Ranboo to the bench there and sitting him down. The teen took out his earbuds, fumbling with them for a few moments before Technoblade kindly took them and helped him sort them out, handing each one to him and letting him set them into place.

The music was a very dull hum, but it was grounding. 

It took a while, longer than either of the previous times, to come back to himself.

“Mmmm… Embarrassed.”

Technoblade snorted beside him, and oh thank god he could hear that. He missed Techno. The man hadn’t gone anywhere, but it felt like he was forever away when Ranboo couldn’t hear him.

“Yeah? Why’re you embarrassed?”

“C-Cause I caused truh-trouble.”

Technoblade’s neck twisted, the man just barely avoiding eye contact with the teen. “Ran, you’ve gotta be kiddin’ me. You- you shut down and you’re embarrassed because you think you caused a problem??”

He shrugged. It was true . He’d gone and made a big deal over nothing. There wasn’t even any real issue, he was just being a big baby. Man, Techno probably wasn’t going to want to hang out with him anymore. 

The thought brought tears to Ranboo’s eyes. It was selfish , but he liked being with Technoblade. Tubbo was great, Tommy was amazing. Wilbur and Phil were fantastic. But none of them were Technoblade . He didn’t want Techno to go.

“S-Sor-Sor-S-” He struggled, hiccupping slightly. It was so frustrating . One word was able to break him so easily. “ Sorry .”

Oh.

He was crying. Properly crying. He could feel the skin growing agitated but he couldn’t stop . 

He’d ruined the trip and now Techno was going to tell Phil. Phil would tell Wilbur who would tell Tommy who would tell Tubbo and then he’d be alone again. He didn’t want to be alone. Not again. Not anymore. He wanted to stay, he wanted Techno to stay.

“Sorry. I’m- I’m sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Please, I am.” 

Technoblade pulled him into a tight embrace, a hand on the back of his neck with fingers sorting through his hair as the other wrapped around him and held close. He was shushing Ranboo, rocking them back and forth slowly.

“No, hey. Com’ on boo. You’re okay. You’re alright. There’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s okay. Shhh.”

Ranboo hiccupped and sobbed, clinging desperately onto Techno. He cried, and he cried, and he cried some more.

And then he was too tired to cry anymore.

Techno pulled away first, brushing the remaining tear tracks away as best he could.

“There we go. There’s my little boo berry.”

Ranboo snorted at the pet name, briefly knocking his head against the pink haired man’s shoulder before pulling away again.

“Can you tell me what that last bit was about?”

Ranboo bit his lip gently, but nodded. It took a moment to find the words. It was like they all escaped the moment he thought he caught them.

“Don’t… Didn’t… You can’t leave.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t leave you here, Ranboo. Not like that. Never.”

Ranboo pouted, letting out a small noise of frustration. “No. Not now and not ever.”

Technoblade paused, and Ranboo ducked his head. But then Technoblade , the emotionless giant, made a pained noise and his neck practically snapped up. Techno held him closer, if that was at all possible.

“Ranboo, I won’t leave. Nothing you say or do could ever make me leave, Boo. It’s okay. I promise, I’m staying. Me, Phil, the boys. All of us. As long as you want us to be around, we will be.”

“But-”

“I promise .”

And Technoblade never made promises, he was careful to avoid them. He never wanted to break one, and as such he only made one when he knew he could keep it. He promised to stay. He promised , and Technoblade kept all his promises.

Ranboo smiled, hiding his face into Techno’s chest once more.

“No more mall visits for a little, alright? I think you need a break after that one.”

He giggled, and his laughter seemed to encourage Techno to make chuckles of his own.

Yeah, no more malls. He was going to make Tommy do all his shopping for him.

He relaxed into the hug again, the pair sitting awkwardly on a bench outside in the middle of winter.

“Oh!”

He pulled his phone out, checking it for damages. There didn’t seem to be any new scratches. Ranboo couldn’t help the small sigh of relief that escaped him.

“Oh, my gods. I was ready to fight that little-”

Ranboo furrowed his brow. “Wha… Huh?? Who?”

“The person who slammed into you!”

Ranboo looked to his phone, then back to Techno, repeating the process a couple times.

“Someone slammed into me…?”

Technoblade nodded slowly. “You were that gone, then? Couldn’t feel it?”

“No, I thought I just lost my grip.”

“Hardly, they slammed right into you and then had the absolute audacity to turn around and demand you apologize! I was just like- like bruh! There you are, pale as a sheet, shaking like a leaf caught in a storm and stumbling, yet this nerd tries to blame you.”

Ranboo… didn’t know. He hadn’t felt anyone touch him but Techno, he hadn’t noticed any changes in altitude. He really did think his phone had just slipped.

“They suck.”

Technoblade snorted. “Yeah, they do. I was ready to rip them a new one but you were leaning on me so heavily I was worried you’d pass out.”

Ranboo smiled at him, a little playful glint back in his eyes. “Papa bear.”

It was a tease, he was ready for it to be denied and the subject to move on, Instead, Techno looked down fondly at him. 

“Only for you, kid.”

Everything felt very real, as if the admission had startled him back into himself. The effects of the shut down were gone, washed away under the rising tsunami of embarrassment he felt.

Ranboo hid his face, blushing further when he heard the elder laughing.

He was okay. That was scary, but he was okay. They weren’t surprised anymore. They were ready. 

Ranboo thought that maybe, just maybe, it was worth it in the end. 

The Christmas present he’d bought for his so called papa bear felt ever so slightly lighter in his pocket.

Yeah, Ranboo was okay.

Chapter Text

Holy heck-

So as I'm writing this, this fic has 301 kudos which is by far the most I've ever gotten. As I said in the authors notes, I really didn't plan to make this or build off of it, but the support has been very positive and a little heartbreaking to see so many others with the same feelings as me. I'm basically doing this to I guess survey interest in me actually writing more spectrum Ranboo? It would be like a one shot book/series and just... normal everyday stuff and the often invisible challenges autistic people - especially those who mask well - are left to face. There would be lots of Peerpresure duo stuff with a sort of father/son dynamic, QPP emduo, benchtrio shenanigans... all that good stuff.

I don't want to annoy people with these fics or anything, so if it should just stay isolated to this fic, that's fine! I literally wrote this out of spite of how I saw autism and other neurodivergence types being treated in fics in this fandom, and then it got wayyy too much attention and I figured it was worth asking if there are people out there who want more?

Uhm, I think that's all so! Thank you all so very much for all the kudos, comments and bookmarks! It means the world to me. If people want more, you might see me again, otherwise o/ farewell, reader, and I wish you happy fic hunting!

Chapter Text

HELLO FRIENDS! So sorry for going MIA, this community gets a little draining at times. So. Good news, this will now be a series.

I was thinking of making a one shot book, but personally I don't like one shot books that much, especially since I struggle to remember which chapters/fics were the ones that I cared enough to read again. So it will be a series, for easy access to everyone.

It's called Rainbow Road, as you probably saw, and I'm sure you might be wondering why. 

Well. Simply put, I was thinking about the autism symbol (the rainbow infinity) and my brain said "rainbow road lol" and thus the series name was born. It can also kind of be read as Ranboo's Journey (Rainbow -> Ranboo and Road -> Journey) but yeah no it was mostly just silly brain being silly and thus. Name.

Oh, and the next fic is out! I'm not holding myself to any upload schedule for these, but trust me when I say I have enough experiences to turn into fics that a lack of ideas will never be the issue.

AND FINALLY!!! Thank you all so so much for the lovely comments, while I'm glad for the encouragement to continue it's a bit bittersweet to know people want it so much because just like me they've been stuck with poor representations of autism.