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Light footsteps were heard on the stairway of a very specific apartment building in Pasadena, as someone walked upstairs. His hands clutched bags of Chinese takeout. He couldn’t wait to see his friends again, it’s been a while since he last saw them. As Raj continued walking, he almost bumped into someone. She had quite long blonde hair and looked really nice, but the way she dressed wasn’t exactly the best if the Indian was being honest. Instead of just a quick apology however, she felt the need to strike up a conversation.
Rajesh was fucked.
,,Oh hi! I haven’t seen you around here, where are you heading?” she cheerfully asked, expecting an interesting answer that never came. The dark haired man was intensively staring at the floor, thinking of all the ways this could go wrong. He could feel himself starting to sweat and his heartbeat was raising as well. Come on Raj, you can somehow show her, think, think, thi-
He held up four fingers and pointed upwards with his other hand, trying to explain he was trying to get to apartment 4. Raj wasn’t sure how to specify that he meant 4A, but hoped it would not matter to her.
,,Oh! Apartment 4A, right? You must be a friend of Leonard’s or Sheldon’s!” the blonde kept talking and Raj just occasionally nodded, ,,I’m actually new here! I live at 4B and have already met them. What’s your name sweetie?” Uh oh. Not this, How does she not get it yet?
Awkward silence settled between the two. Penny was expecting an answer and Raj couldn’t talk right now. He fiddled with his fingers and tried really hard to say something, but nothing came out. When Penny finally realized he wouldn't say anything, she changed it up a little and asked about the food.
,,What do you have there? You think there's enough for me as well? The guys said I could come over anytime and I’d love to eat some nice dinner…” she was dozing off a bit, the food looked really nice. She silently watched as his dark eyes lit up for a bit. Then he just shrugged, but after some reconsideration he nodded in agreement.
,,Alright! Thanks! I’ll be there at eight!! Penny yelled, already making her way downstairs.
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,,Um, we have a problem...Your new neighbour is coming over for dinner.” Raj announced the moment he walked into the room.
,,You mean Penny? Also what??” the experimental physicist didn’t expect his night going this way, but he didn’t want to complain either. After all, he really liked her. Sheldon also felt the need to express his opinion:
,,I’m afraid that won’t work.”
,,Dude, what are you talking about?”
,,The food, obviously. We don’t have enough for all of us. Unless you bought extra food, which I highly doubt considering you probably met her in the hallway on your way here.”
,,Actually Sheldon, she’s just kinda lucky she’ll have food. Because a certain astrophysicist in this room is feeling nauseous and doesn’t wanna eat his food.” he lowered his voice when saying the last part, he didn’t want to admit it. Howard would make fun of him, Sheldon probably too and Leonard, Leonard would be nice.
,,What happened? You’re usually excited about food like this, I mean it is one of your favourites.” the dark haired man didn’t expect this concern, he was about to honestly answer Leonard, when Howard felt left out and of course he said some bullshit again:
,,Let him be, maybe he’s trying to starve himself, y’know, just like indian kids. He’s just trying to fit in!”
It was during times like this, when Raj wondered why he always said Howard was his best friend. He had to hear “jokes” like this from him practically every day, and it was never funny. He didn’t even talk to his so called friend about anything serious, knowing he’d just be made fun of. He didn’t even know how to respond to things like this, so he ignored it.
,,No, I just feel ovewhelmed from some dumb stuff that happened today, just couldn’t talk to someone, the usual. I’ve just been thinking about it a bit too deeply recently, nothing else really.” he hoped it sounded believable enough, though it wasn’t exactly a lie.
That’s when a knock on their door suddenly turned the attention away from the Indian, which he was very glad about.
,,Hey guys! Hope you don’t mind me coming over, your friend over here told me it’s okay.” the tension that was in the room faded and the guys all greeted her. It was nice until Howard ruined it. Again.
,,He “told” you? Oh I highly doubt that. He hasn’t said a word to you.”
Why did he have to say that, why why why wHY WHY WHY-
,,Also forgot to introduce myself, Howard Wolowitz and he’s Rajesh Koothrapali-” he paused himself seeing Raj run off and lock himself in the bathroom.
,,I wonder why’d he do that, anyways-” he was cut off by now practically enraged Leonard:
,,You can’t tell?! Have you been listening to the stuff you just said about Raj?!”
,,Calm down, he knows I’m just joking around…”
,,Joking?! You’re mocking him! You constantly feel the need to mention that he’s a foreigner and I don’t want to start on you mocking his selective mutism!”
Howard seemed a bit disturbed and also offended. Like had had anything to feel insulted about. He definitely wasn’t the victim here. Their conversation would probably escalate, if it wasn’t for Penny mixing into it:
,,This doesn't seem like the right time to ask this question, but what exactly is selective mutism?” it surely wasn’t the right time, but she was curious. Obviously she knew what normal mutism was, but she never heard about this.
,,Yeah, not the right time to ask,” Leonard answered right away, ,,but I’ll tell you anyway. I’m just saying what I know from knowing him, if he could he’d probably explain it better than me. For Raj, he’s unable to speak to women outside of his family members. Also, it’s not that he doesn’t want to, he’s unable to in certain situations. That’s all I can tell you for now, why don’t we eat now?”
,,I guess we could.”
It would have been a nice dinner with the guys but the tension in the room was very obvious. It was uncomfortable for everyone but Sheldon, who was absolutely clueless.
,,This is so weird, you usually talk so much. I’m not complaining, but I’ve grown used to it. Why exactly aren’t you communicating like usual?” but no one answered him.
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As if all the awkward encounters weren’t enough, now this as well? Why is all of this happening?! Can’t it just stop? Why does everyone do this to me, can’t they just leave me alone? It’s not my fault, I don’t wanna be like this! I don’t want anymore weird stares and I get them enough as it is just for living here!! Why why why wHYWHYWHYWHYW̶͓̝̠̐̉͒͊̀H̶̛͍̪̮͑́́Ỵ̵̙̪̙͚̘̩̽̂̓͒̅̌͜W̵̰̬͚̲̠͂̿͊͝H̶̨̥̠̬̟̱̓̽͜Ÿ̷̹͕̳͉̖͇̮̆̆͜W̴̲̳͓̬̳͋H̸̺͙͖̱͉̘̮̹͛̈́̀͐Y̸̙̱̔̂͗̈̍̇W̷̟͓͖̫̉Ĥ̸̪͕̣̺͙̦Ŷ̶̩̼̋̆̄͋̓-
*knock knock* ,,Raj, you doing alright there buddy? I’ll come in just to check in on you, can you unlock the door?” Leonard, he came here. Why?
Raj slowly got up without saying a single word and did what he was told to. The moment the door opened he was greeted with Leonards concerned face. He looked truly worried, but in that moment Raj was convinced he was here to get him out and maybe get the others to laugh at what a mess he is.
,,What Howard said was stupid and he should be ashamed. I know it’s hard not to take insults like that to heart, but you should know by now that he doesn’t mean it. Do you want to talk about anything? “ he looked at the astrophysicist with kindness in his eyes, who seemed to hesitate, but then sighed.
,,I think…..my condition might be getting worse…” he practically whispered looking at the ground ,,I started having trouble speaking in public overall no matter who I talk to… I was at the store and I couldn't talk to the cashier, he even asked me if I understand English...And this happened so many times I’m just getting tired of it. It feels horrible and I want it to stop...I just want to be able to talk to everyone!”
His eyes started to water as he almost yelled out the last part. In that moment Leonard hugged one of his best friends and comforted him, until a smile crept back onto the Indian’s face as Leonard said:
,,Listen, even if you won’t be able to talk to us anymore, we’ll find a way. After all, we’re your friends, right? We’re not gonna leave you, no matter what.” they both grinned at each other ,,I’ll go back and you can take your time. Come back when you feel like it.”
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It wasn’t that long until Raj came back into the room and all eyes were immediately on him as the atmosphere in the room tensed. He and Howard looked each other dead in the eyes, but then Howards face softened and he got up.
,,Listen I’m really sorry….I didn’t know it bothered you that much… I-I just-” he was at loss for words se he just hugged Raj as tightly as possible a whispered:
,,I promise it won’t happen again, cause you’re my best friend and I love you. I promise:”
I promise.
In that moment those two words meant the world to Raj, he was finally able to open up to the people he loved the most. If only he wouldn’t put so much trust in that simple statement. Maybe he should have known this would never last. After all, why would it? A simple promise cannot fix everything, especially not if it’s forgotten about. Just like this night. No one mentioned it and everyone pretended all was good. All was normal. Why?
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And all he had to ask himself was, why?