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Raz still didn’t like the water, after everything that happened.
No, it doesn’t matter that none of it was real. Just because he was told it’s fake doesn’t fix everything, doesn’t make him normal again. Words can be anything. Perception is all that is real.
It was all “in his head”, he was told - the last week had proven that things in your head could be startlingly, horrifyingly real. And that wasn’t even the point. Raz just didn’t like water, never had, and he didn’t have to change now.
“That coach guy is going to be giving us swimming lessons!” Frazie cheered, and Raz had smiled weakly.
He was happy for his family, that they’d be able to heal, over there, away from him. To be able to actually soak in a bath after decades, rather than taking thin showers or rag rubdowns. Hadn’t connected the dots at the time - sue him, he’d just come off saving the world for a second time, you’re welcome - to realize he’d be dragged along too.
Raz squatted on the banks of the calm pond Coach Oleander had chosen for the family’s first foray into the deep. (“Rather not do it at Lake Oblongata, it gets too deep in parts there and there’s a lot of, er… trash you might accidentally step on. And the falls? are out too - if I lose track of one of you guppies and you get flung into the sky, Hollis will have my head!”) He stared into the water, and it stared back at him.
“Pootie, come on!” Mirtala whined, holding the edge of the short dock. Though the whole family was apprehensive, all of them were at least wading their toes in by now.
Donatella and Frazie were already fully in, nervously trying to tread water, holding hands. Queepie was sitting in a shallow part and gently patting the water with his hands, gaining the courage to start really splashing. Augustus was wading up to his knees, coaxing Dion a little deeper. Nona… was not present. They were all pretty sure she knew how to swim, and she was still resting up after recent events.
Raz glanced up at his sister, then back at the water. “I don’t really want to, Tala.”
“Come ooonnn,” she wheedled, pulling herself closer, hand over hand. “It’s not that bad! The water feels weird and cool on my skin… it’s like doing the high wire with weights on! Easy!”
“It’s not that,” he muttered, then spoke up. “Coach! May I be excused?”
Morry’s head whipped over to him, having been occupied making sure Frazie didn’t accidentally pull her mother down under the surface, almost in sync but just needing a bit more balance. “What?! Razputin, absolutely not! You can hold it for five more minutes, soldier, now march into that pond and give me 20 laps!”
“But - I don’t -” Razputin’s mouth clicked shut, hearing how whiny he sounded. The rest of his family were doing it, and they weren’t dying. (The rest of his family hadn’t pushed the Deluge of Grulovia into a yawning pit, or sat in the mouth of a lungfish, or felt the clawing Hand at their ankle, several times nearly pulling him down he knew it was malicious he knew it wanted him like a siren greedily kidnapping a sailor he knew he knew)
“O-okay… here I go.”
He pulled his goggles down, mostly a comfort but should be waterproof enough, and dipped one foot into the water.
It was… cold, and the mud smushed under his foot, silty and slippery. He steeled himself against his own quaking and put the other foot in. Two feet, in the water, standing mostly firm. Raz could feel a small current, mainly kicked up by his family’s antics, the waving of aquatic plants near his skin. Okay, maybe he could hold it together enough to fake through this lesson and get out of here. Just endure it, he’s good at that, right?
With a breath, he picked up his foot again to take another step in and - felt something brush against his ankle.
In terror, he tried to step back, failing his arms, and it shot out of the water at him - the Hand, it was still here. Snatching at his legs, Raz shrieked.
In hindsight, he’d be mortified over what an embarrassing sound it had been, but for now he was blind in terror, turning back to the banks as it tugged him down, scrabbling hands tugging grass and clods of dirt out from the Earth as he tried to escape. He could hear disjointed shouts and calls of his name, but they were all muted as it pulled him under, dragging him deep down to the bottom of the pond.
Forty-five minutes later, after being saved and fretted over, Raz managed to bargain his way into Milla’s office.
He wanted to feel safe, and as a bonus Milla had an open door policy, so people could come in and fret over him. Which, could be stifling… but he kind of wanted that right now. As long as they didn’t bring in any bottles of water or fish tanks or aquabeds. But for now, the fussing had hit a lull, and there was only Milla and Sasha here. Raz was sure they’d swarm him again soon.
He was sitting on one of her many cushions, with some multi-colored throw blanket she’d fished out of nowhere wrapped around his shoulders. It had a mandarin on it, maybe. Was that what it was called?
Sasha had come in, looked him over, glasses peering down his nose. “It seems to me that this is a blockage of your own mind, Razputin. You believe this ‘curse’ is still real, and so it is. Perhaps if I could take a look at -”
“I don’t think he needs a diagnostic right now, Sasha,” Milla scolded. “He was frightened! The boy needs some comfort, love, and a glass of chimarrão.” Which she was working on right now, having pulled the supplies from a cabinet. Milla’s room had far more surprises in it than Raz had thought at first blush.
“Chimarrão?” A small frown carved into Sasha’s face. “For a young boy? I don’t know if that will be appropriate right now, Milla.”
“I had it all the time when I was his age!” Milla retorted. “Maybe you’re right, though, something more soothing. How about vitamina instead, for our strong, sweet boy.”
Raz blushed, burrowing into the blanket farther. “I’m alright, Milla, you don’t need to worry about it. I - I just need to… sit for a bit.”
Even that confession struck him. What was he doing? Junior Agent Aquato, prodigy for his age, always moving and improving - taking a break? He needed to get up, get out there, do something impressive so everyone forgot how he wailed like a baby when they fished him out -
“Sit down, Razputin,” Sasha grumbled, putting a hand on his shoulder as he made to get up. “I can’t tell what you’re thinking but I can tell it’s far too much. You’re not leaving until we’re sure you’re alright… and Milla’s exhausted her motherly instincts.”
“Hey!” Milla huffed, turning on the blender and shouting over it. “I don’t want to hear that from you, mister wonder if I can ask Hollis about reassigning inte-”
“Aht aht-tah! Okay, cease fire.” Sasha chuckled, using telekinesis to pull another cushion next to Raz so he could sit. It was weird, seeing him sit. Raz had only seen him sit in the jet, and that was out of necessity - the man looked like he wasn’t made for it.
“Razputin… I am not so good with emotional talk. I prefer to just, go into the mind and fix it. But for you, I will do my best.”
Milla had finished with the blender, pouring the smoothie into a cup and sprucing it up. “It’s okay to feel stressed, but we can’t let it stop us from our lives. I think you just need to get over it, darling -”
“It happened yesterday, Milla!” Raz outburst, eyes swirling red with frustration, but he quickly deflated and calmed into embarrassment. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout…”
The two senior agents looked at him with, just, the saddest faces he’d seen on grown-ups, and that counted the one he’d seen on his dad’s in the Meat Circus. Then they exchanged a look, even though they didn’t need to with their telepathic link, they’d probably been having a secondary conversation this whole time, which seemed cool earlier but now it made him angry -
“Okay. Okay, we’ll work on it, minha estrela. One step at a time… and the first step is getting some calories in you!”
She handed him the cup, some yellowy-orange mush of fruits with a swirly straw. Raz sipped at it, and though he could tell she’d added sugar to it, he could still taste the bitterness underneath.