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Chris was at the age where Eddie’s pretty sure that this is going to be the last Christmas that they go see Santa together but Eddie is ignoring that fact. Christopher is all bouncing with happiness when Eddie tells him that they’re going to see Santa that night and Eddie wants to bottle it up to keep forever. His son always has a way of making everything seem so much better, melting all of the tension with a single smile.
“Is Bucky coming?” Chris asks as he climbs into the backseat, buckling himself in with a smile as he bounces in his seat, the truck shaking with each bounce. Eddie glances up into the rearview mirror, smiling when he catches sight of the santa hat that Chris has secured to his head with the claim of ‘Santa will love it dad!’ and Eddie’s unable to deny him anything. He’s definitely going to have to figure out how to put up a strong front before Chris becomes a teenager but Eddie’s firmly, resolutely, not thinking about that.
“I-uh...I’m not sure bud. I can call to see if he’s free?” Eddie offers and smiles a bit when Chris excitedly shouts his agreement, “He might be busy though, so if he can’t come today, we’ll just have to make sure to get a picture for him yeah?” Chris sighs, shoulders drooping slightly at the thought of Buck not joining them, but he nods regardless even as he directs a pout up at the back mirror. The phone rings and rings, so long that Eddie’s kind of worried that Buck’s not going to pick up, but just before it defaults to the voicemail, it clicks.
“Hey.” Buck breathes out, voice rough as a cough tears out of him and Eddie’s immediately on edge, “Sorry, sorry. Just woke up, what’s up?” Eddie hears the sound of sheets rustling, the sound of Buck quietly pattering down the metal stairs and undoubtedly into the kitchen for water.
“Chris wants to go see Santa and wants you to come, you up for it? No pressure, I know last shift was rough on you.” Eddie hums into the phone, shoving it between his ear and shoulder as he flicks on the signal to take a left towards Buck’s apartment. Saying that last shift was rough was an understatement, Buck had gotten beat up during a rope rescue when the patient started to flail and sent him into the rock wall. The bruises were already turning blue when Eddie had shoved off Buck’s turnout coat before they’d even gotten onto the truck and he knows that Buck had probably passed out when he got him. Eddie’s chest constricts just a little with guilt, even as he turns down the street that leads to Buck’s apartment complex.
“Yeah, that sounds nice.” Buck hums into the phone, “I’ll change, how far out are you?” Eddie flicks the signal, the only sound for a moment the clicking of it as he checks both ways and smiles back up into the mirror at Chris, who is bouncing in his seat with excitement.
“We’re about to park, just meet us downstairs when you’re ready?” Eddie offers, finding a spot as close to the building as he can and puts the car in park and turns around to face his son. He bops the top of the hat that Chris is wearing, smiling when the kid devolves into peals of laughter and he can hear Buck do the same thing.
“Be down soon.” Buck promises, the sounds of him running back up the metal stairs the only sound before the line clicks again.
***
Eddie’s standing on top of the bricks surrounding the fountain near Santa’s village, peering over the crowd of people to spot where Buck and Christopher were pressed together in line with their masks on. He’d tried to go with but Chris had told him to wait at the end, that he wanted Santa to meet Buck. Buck cheeks had flared red, guilt-filled eyes landing on Eddie moments later with an apology already half out his mouth before Eddie even had a chance to blink. So, Eddie had ended up waiting for the two of them at the end of the line with an indescribable urge to watch the two of them together. From this far, if he didn’t know better, it’d look just like a father and son waiting in line together and if that didn’t drive something warm through his chest, Eddie doesn’t know what would.
“Hi.” An elf has a smile on her face and Eddie drops to the ground with a hop, feeling oddly chastised for such a simple word, “Oh, no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to get down.” She’s quick to explain, hands hovering in the air between them in a placating gesture as she stumbles over her words. She takes a half step, her hat jingling with the movement, and Eddie relaxes just enough to force a half-real grin onto his face. He squints at her name tag, the print far too small for him to read without getting too close and startles at the name. Blair. She’d been the elf here when they’d come three years ago, had stopped to talk with Buck but he’d been oddly close-lipped about what she had said and Eddie never bothered to push. Not when Buck was practically gleaming with happiness the whole way back to Eddie’s house.
“I’m sorry, I was just--” Eddie waves towards the line and trails off, figuring that it explains more than his words could and is proven correct when she nods her head, smiling growing slightly.
“Yeah, I figured. We have plenty of parents who do that, we just keep an eye out for the kids ya know?” She placatates before turning back around to look at where Chris is walking up to Santa with Buck trailing behind, “I know I told this to your boyfriend a couple years back, but you two really have an amazing son. And you have a beautiful family. I was worried when you came last year alone, I’m glad to see that everything’s okay with you guys.” She smiles, bright and sincere as if her words didn’t just cause Eddie’s brain to feel like it was shattering into too many parts at once. It’s not the first time that he and Buck had been mistaken as a couple, far from it really, but this is the first time that it’s happened since he had been shot in broad daylight. Since Buck had stood in his room and told him he loved him but wasn’t ready. Since Eddie agreed. Since they talked and pretended and loved without the title. Since they both went home to their respective girlfriends and ignored the growing distance between them.
“I-I---” Eddie stutters, swallows hard, and then forces another smile onto his face but is sure that it comes across as a grimace, “I do. Thank you.” Eddie doesn’t know how to respond beyond that, his lungs constricting until he can barely suck in a breath of air and he knows that he’s on the brink of another panic attack but Buck’s there. Not in front of him, but close, and it makes everything feel settled in his chest. That tells him more than he ever needed to know and as he catches Buck’s eyes as he comes down the walkway with Chris pressed to his side, no doubt regaling him with a story of what just happened, Eddie knows. He knows with startling certainty. He’s ready for this. Ready for them.
***
They’re sitting on the couch, pressed close together and Eddie is no longer sure if it’s him or Buck that’s shaking because they’re both moving. Chris is down for the count, out like a light after reading a few chapters of his book while Buck cleaned the kitchen, and the two had intended to drink some beer to unwind. Both bottles were still sitting on the coffee table, bottle caps still firmly in place.
“Eddie.” Buck whispers, soft and a little too broken for Eddie’s liking, but he doesn’t trn to look at him. He just keeps looking forward, at the coffee table as his knees bounce up and down in rhythm with Buck’s. This is a long overdue conversation, Eddie knows that better than anyone, and as ready as he is for this, he’s not sure he can handle it if Buck is not.
“I know. I know okay.” Eddie’s voice is shaking as he speaks and he tries to swallow around the lump in his throat as he recalls their conversation from a few weeks ago. Taylor had told Buck she loves him and now, of all times, is when Eddie is finally ready. He kind of hates himself for it.
“I know that you’re not ready, I know that I can’t expect you to just drop Taylor when you have a real relationship that’s important to you but I can’t just keep going without you knowing. I’m ready Buck. I’m really, truly ready.” Eddie stumbles over his words, in stops and starts as he tries to find the words to express what he’s thinking and fights back tears that are threatening to spill over, “This...all of this has gotten so messed up and I never wanted it to. I-I know you’re not ready and that’s okay. But when you are? I’m going to be right here Evan.” Eddie lets himself trail off and he laces his fingers together tightly enough that his fingers turn white as he feels Buck tense beside him. He’s called him Evan before, more and more frequently the longer that they’ve been doing this dance, but he’s never said it like this.
“I’m sorry Eddie.” Buck whispers, voice cracking with unshed tears and Eddie has a sudden urge to comfort the man but can’t bring himself to move, “I’m so sorry.” Eddie smiles a little sadly, finally turning to look at his best friend and waits until he looks over too. Buck’s eyes are bloodshot, red around the edges as he tries to fight back the tears that are filling up in his eyes and Eddie hates himself just a little for making Buck cry.
“Hey. Hey, no. Don’t.” Eddie murmurs and lets his hand hover between them for a moment, giving Buck a chance to pull back, before resting it against Buck’s cheek to brush away the tears, “I said it in the hospital, and I’ll say it again. You and me Buck? We’re inevitable. And no matter what we are, no matter who we are with, we’re always going to be a family and we’re always going to love each other. That’s the promise we made.” One of them makes a broken sound, Eddie’s not sure if it’s him or Buck because his vision is also starting to swim just barely. He’s never been a crier but his vision is too blurry to deny the fact that he is about to start. Buck smiles brokenly, half tilted up as he closes his eyes and leans into Eddie’s hand for a moment as tears spill down his cheeks. Eddie’s thumb is quick to wipe them away, never allowing them to hover for more than a moment before they’re being swiped away. It’s a bittersweet moment, the two of them sitting there in the light of Eddie’s Christmas tree that Buck decorated but Eddie knows that this isn’t anywhere near the end. If anything, it’s only the beginning.
***
Two years later, Chris has since grown out of the visiting Santa stage but they still go to the same shopping center for Christmas shopping yearly. Chris is wandering ahead, heading straight for the Lego store just behind where they’ve set up Santa’s workshop and Eddie hangs back. The weather is a little cold, just chilly enough that they’re wearing coats instead of normal jackets, and Chris has got a beanie covering his curls. Eddie can still see him from where he stands, just near the workshop as he watches Chris go through the Lego store by himself. He’s still young and Eddie is hesitant to let him go too far on his own but the kid’s been dying for some independence lately. Going into a store where Eddie can see him perfectly feels okay. Kids are screaming around them and tired parents trail after them in what Eddie remembers as a haze of excitement for their kid and the frustration of it being so crowded. He spots Blair standing by the exit, smiling as she waves kids off and when she spots him, her smile grows.
“He’s too old to be seeing Santa now?” She asks without greeting, glancing around as if looking for Chris and Eddie nods over to the Lego store. Chris is standing near one of the displays, visible through the glass walls, and talking with waving hands to one of the sales associates. Eddie figures that his Christmas list just grew by at least seven things.
“Yeah. Just a little.” Eddie mourns aloud, though there’s a small laugh to his voice that he’s unable to push away because as sad as he is that his son is growing up, Chris is really growing up to be an amazing person. Eddie’s so proud, though he’s not ashamed to admit that a majority of it probably comes from Buck’s influences as well.
“Is your boyfriend here?” Blair asks as she turns back to him, eyes crinkled in curiosity as her bell jingles and Eddie’s pretty sure he can feel his entire face lights up. He glances over to the kiosk that sells warm drinks and winter snacks, spotting Buck easily where he’s standing in line.
“Yeah. He is.” Eddie smiles and when Buck turns back to him, the ring around his neck glitters as the light hits it just right and Eddie’s unable to stop himself from continuing, “And...uh, he’s my fiance actually.”