Chapter Text
"hey..."
there's a bit of shuffling from one side of the line. the voice is hesitant, definitely not the most comfortable with the arrangement. neither of the two speak, which makes the situation slightly more uncomfortable.
eventually, taehyun is the one to end the silence. "why are you calling me?"
"oh, ha, uhm. no reason," beomgyu obviously lies, "i actually meant to call my brother... i must've read the contact wrong. sorry for waking you so early."
"i'll hang up now then," taehyun says, not wanting the conversation to last any longer than it needed to.
"no!" beomgyu rejects loudly, stopping taehyun from hanging up. "uhm- since i accidentally called you, you wouldn't mind staying up to talk for a bit, right?"
taehyun knows that he shouldn't, but it's beomgyu. it's beomgyu. "i wouldn't be able to sleep anyways. why not?"
"great!" it comes out a little to excitedly, so beomgyu corrects himself, "i mean- cool. thats- uh- nice."
a giggle couldn't help but slip from taehyun's lips at that, which makes beomgyu let out a slight chuckle as well.
"its christmas," beomgyu points out.
"that it is."
"how are you celebrating this year?"
"yeonjun's gonna be over for lunch and we're exchanging gifts. it won't be for more than an hour or so, though- i'm probably just gonna spend the day with christmas movies." and after a second, he speaks again, "you're spending it with kai this year, aren't you?"
"oh- uhm- no." he says awkwardly, "well- maybe. probably. but- not, uhm- not like that."
"you guys broke up?" taehyun feels his heart relax slightly.
"well, we weren't really dating, so we didn't really break up. but uhm- basically yeah," there's a hint of guilt in his tone. "but we're still close friends! it was a mutual thing."
"you don't need to be so tense talking to me, beomgyu hyung," he hopes that his tone doesn't come out as awkward as beomgyus does.
"psh- i'm not tense. in fact, i'm as far from tense as possible. i'm literally taking soju shots as we speak."
taehyun frowns, "weren't you trying to stop drinking?"
"it's christmas- i can drink all i want today." there's two meanings to this, taehyun notes. maybe the other meaning is wishful thinking, but taehyun still feels his heart swell.
"it's three in the morning, hyung."
"i'm literally not even drunk. i just wanted to be a little tipsy," beomgyu then adds something under his breath that taehyun can't quite catch.
"okay, hyung," he acquiesces.
"you know, taehyun, neither of us seem awfully busy today..."
"yeah."
"maybe-" he takes a deep breath, "maybe we should hang out together. no one should be lonely on christmas, am i right?"
"are you sure, hyung?" taehyun asks hesitantly. his heart is going way too fast- he doesn't want to regret this, but he knows he will. "you have hundreds of friends that you can ask."
"hundreds of friends aren't you," beomgyu pouts. you can hear his tone deflate, even through the poor quality phone. while taehyun thinks to himself, beomgyu speaks again, quieter. "i shouldn't have asked, should i have?"
"beomgyu hyung..."
"no, no. you're right. forget i asked. it's just a bad idea-"
"don't get me wrong, hyung. i want to. i just... i don't want to get hurt."
a sniffle comes from the other line- somewhere in taehyun's head he processes that beomgyu is crying, but taehyun can't do anything about it. taehyun can't let himself get hurt by the same person again.
then he hears a sob, "you're right. i just hurt you- and you don't need to say anything denying it, we both know it's true. but... but you make me want to be better. and it's our first christmas apart as long as i can remember, and- and is it really christmas without you? god, taehyun, i miss you like crazy and it's our day today and i just- i needed to talk to you- at least hear your voice because god, it's been so long."
the words come out in chokes and sobs and taehyun knows that his heart is done for. taehyun can't let beomgyu take all the blame in their failed relationship and beomgyu just said all the words that taehyun had kept in his thoughts for the last two months. but he's frozen- he can't speak. everything feels so still in this moment. he feels a tear slide down his cheek and wonders when he started crying.
"with or without you, i am getting better. i promise you that, even if you don't believe it. but i wish that you could see me improve- as a friend or as more. preferably more," beomgyu lets out the smallest, fakest chuckle through his tears. "i understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore. if you want to block my number... that's fine too. i just really needed to hear your voice again. just know that i still love you- and i don't think i'll ever stop."
"hyung..."
"thank you for everything, tyunnie."
taehyun wants to respond, but his mouth is dry and his voice isn't working. he wants to scream that he feels the same. that he wants beomgyu back in his life more than anything. that these past two months have been the worst months he can remember. that he'd go through any amount of fighting just to have the sweet moments of love from before. that he believes that beomgyu is getting better.
in all truth, he knew beomgyu was getting better. soobin updated taehyun on beomgyu quite often, and beomgyu improved himself so much since their break up. taehyun wanted to see it for himself.
but nothing could come out of his mouth.
the line goes dead.
this is what taehyun is still up at five in the morning thinking about. he needs beomgyu back more than anything, but the only thing he can do is stare at his phone. is this a good idea?
to: my love <3
7:39 - december 25, 2021
are you free at five?
from: my love <3
7:41 - december 25, 2021
yeah
five works