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Sapnap is lonely.
Like, really fucking lonely.
Living with Dream doesn’t exactly present many opportunities for physical touch and contact with other people, and while he doesn’t necessarily consider himself “touch-starved”, he’s getting really fucking sick of using Patches to sate his desires to cuddle. And while he’s joked about cuddling the blond multiple times, it almost doesn’t feel right to seriously ask, as if he’s going to be denied and tossed out onto the street. Which is, arguably, probably one of the stupidest things he’s thought about in a while, but rationalizing the situation doesn’t help.
But, damn, he’s starting to get really fucking desperate.
And so, under the guise of work, video production, and collaboration with other creators, he manages to slip away from Dream’s “cave” and buys a ticket to North Carolina. Obviously, he was spitting total bullshit then, and he doesn’t even have a place to stay, much less someone to cuddle with, but the worst case scenario is that he’s forced to run back to Florida, back to isolation and empty rooms.
Best case is that Karl lets him stay at his place, and then he’s showered with an abundance of physical contact.
He really, really hopes that the best case scenario wins out.
Although, in reality, what sort of crazy dumbass would let him just drop in, without any sort of warning or heads up, and then reward him with warm hugs and soft touches?
-
“Sapnap!” The word is practically yelled into the airport, and the raven visibly cringes at the volume before smiling, starting to relax into Karl’s level of energy without even having seen him yet, something he’s started to notice happening more and more often around a certain tall brunet.
“Karl!” He calls back happily, turning around hastily before coming face to face with a mop of dark hair and a smile as wide as his own. And, holy fucking shit, Karl looks amazing. He doesn’t even seem like he’s put much energy into outfit, but Sapnap’s mouth is still struggling to stay closed at the sight of a soft blue t-shirt and dark gray sweatpants, awe evident in every corner of his gaping face when he finally makes contact with multicolored eyes and dotted freckles. They’re both silent for a moment after, and it’s all he can do not to rush forward and hug the other man because it’s been so fucking long since he’s been able to truly embrace a person, but Karl is just standing there, smiling at him, so he stands just as still, almost afraid of what he’s going to say.
“We did the DNF thing,” is the second thing Karl says, giggling, and Sapnap can’t help but stare at him incredulously before laughing along, until they’re both quiet again.
“Yeah, we did,” he replies when the silence starts to get a little too loud, but the words are so painfully soft he almost gags, even though Karl doesn’t seem to notice, instead reaching forward and grabbing onto his hand.
And, yeah, maybe Sapnap was really looking forward to that hug, but this is almost just as good, having their hands intertwined as they exit the airport with his bags, smiling like fucking idiots until they finally reach the car. Now, thankfully, it’s clear that Karl isn’t going to make him turn back, but there’s still a tendril of dread weaving its way through his body, stark fear hiding under mountainous layers of fondness for the brunet in front of him.
“You could’ve given me a bit more warning than that.” There it is. The words he’s been waiting for, albeit a thousand times sweeter and softer than anything his brain conjured up. Because of course Karl is going to joke about the text he sent as soon as he landed, the pathetic “hey, I’m in ur city, pick me up pls”, that could possibly have been better phrased. But Karl is still smiling when he says them, practically splitting his face in half with a wide grin as Sapnap’s face turns an understandably shade of red, half due to embarrassment and half due to the overwhelming love he holds for the angel in front of him.
“Sorry,” he chokes out, Karl letting go of his hand and moving to put the medium-sized suitcase into the back of the car. And normally he would rush forward and demand that he put it up, so the brunet doesn’t have to strain himself, but he’s still recovering from actually holding Karl’s hand, if one could call it that. And one will call it that, Sapnap thinks to himself, despite it only really being the taller dragging him out to the car, rather than true hand-holding.
“Okay,” Karl pops back out of the car, closing it before gesturing grandly to the passenger side, “Shall we go home now, m’lady?” M’lady. What the fuck. Slash pos, Sapnap’s mind supplies, looping the same two parts of that sentence over and over again. Home. M’lady. Home.
Surely Karl wasn’t referring to his house as their home, their combined home, as in both of their homes. Surely not. But what if he was. And honestly, fuck his mind for coming up with these traitorous ideas, the ones he know won’t go away for the remainder of his entire fucking life. I’ll be your lady, Karl. I’m ready to go home.
Every stupid word thought out in his head double-takes, before each sentence is deemed to forward, or too close to home, so he just settles for what he hopes is a confident (but in reality is probably extremely awkward) “yeah”, opening the door and climbing into Karl’s fancy ass car. Not that he’s jealous, Dream could buy him any car he wants. Although, he’d rather it come from Karl, strangely. God, why is this so complicated?
Here he is, sitting in his crush and best friend’s car, hundreds of miles away from home, daydreaming about stupid things that’ll probably never fucking happen. But it’s fine, it’s all fine, and even as Sapnap hears the driver’s door open, and Karl clamber in with an almost endearing look on his face, it’s all going to be fine. Although, his mind, his stupid, traitorous mind, is whispering different words deep into his head, crevices of insecurity practically overflowing when Karl starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot, strings of vile words poisoning every thought he holds deep inside his mind.
To combat it, the stupid insecurities that prey upon him like wolves on deer, he slowly stretches out a hand and places it over the console, silently begging the other man to reciprocate the action. A few moments pass, nothing happens, save for the sounds of Karl driving, and Sapnap is about to pull his hand back when something warm and soft drapes across it gently, and Jesus, even his hand is pretty, soft and delicate in contrast to his own rough, calloused ones. Another second and Sapnap finally caves and intertwines their fingers, pressing warm palms together tightly and prays that his isn’t too sweaty.
Evidently, its not, or if it is, Karl doesn’t mention it, because they spend the rest of the ride in utter silence, Sapnap breathing as quietly as possible for fear of Karl letting go of his hand. God, it feels so good, finally being able to feel human touch against his own, even if it’s not the hug that he still so desperately wants. And, yes, he is being slightly dramatic over holding hands with someone, but this is progress, and not only that it’s human, and it’s real. He’s been missing feeling real, feeling human, and Karl is already bringing him back with just a simple touch.
It makes him curious, makes him hungry, makes him want to know what else Karl can do that will pull him back from the abyss of loneliness, makes him almost desperate to just get there already so he can feel soft lips pressed to his and-
Okay, perhaps he’s being slightly optimistic, especially with their current status as just friends , but flying over five hundred miles on an impulse has to count for something, right?
Right?
But thankfully, he doesn’t have time to finish that line of questioning, the car slowing down for the last time as Karl pulls into his driveway. Sapnap is almost sad that he’s been yanked out of the rabbit hole, but seeing Karl’s expectant smile is worth it.
“Ready?” Chocolate strawberries fall from sugar-tinted lips, every word sending a rush through the raven’s head, and he can only give a blank nod before Karl’s hand is sliding out of his grasp, opening the door and walking up the driveway, looking back for a second as if to say “hurry the fuck up”. Which he does, obviously, and thankfully remembers to grab his bag from the backseat before following the taller man to the front door. Karl’s house, he remembers, is beautiful, homely and messy in a way that reflects his personality perfectly, and this time visiting is no different, the door opening up to reveal a slight (cute) mess on the inside, random papers and t-shirts scattered across the table and couch.
This place, drenched in familiarity, seems like it could be his home one day, although any place is home, as long as it has Karl in it. God, if only Quackity could hear him right now, he’d probably die.
“So…” Karl draws out, glancing around the house nervously. “Takeout and a movie?” It’s funny, Sapnap notes, how quick the other man is to change up now that they're away from any prying eyes, awkward and hesitant whereas he’s the complete opposite, only gaining confidence now that they’re alone. Perhaps that’s the explanation as to why he’s not afraid to walk forward, giving Karl plenty of time to pull away, before wrapping strong arms around a tall frame.
Fucking finally. Karl goes stiff for a moment, frozen as Sapnap latches on tight, but he soon softens and reaches his own arms back behind the brunet before squeezing hard, practically suffocating the shorter man. Not that he minds, obviously, too focused on the warmth surrounding him to care that all the air in his lungs is being forcefully removed. It’s worth it, to be held tight in Karl’s arms, worth it to finally get the attention he’s been craving for weeks, worth it to finally feel physical contact, real physical contact again. Their embrace is warm, and soft, and so much better than anything Sapnap could have imagined, and this is so fucking worth it.
It’s worth it in every way possible, and while he’s mildly upset that the other man pulls away to reiterate his previous question, pizza and a movie sounds fucking amazing.
“Yeah, you do that, I’ll go set up for the movie.” Sapnap doesn’t even bother asking about the spare room, or where he should put his stuff, because Karl is a weak man and Sapnap is almost a hundred percent sure he’ll be sleeping in the same bed as a fucking angel tonight.
“Alright,” comes the bubbly response, before Sapnap runs off to change and get comfy blankets and pillows for the couch.
He’s barely gotten everything set up when Karl returns from ordering and slipping into pajamas, rainbow unicorns dancing on fluffy clouds covering both the shirt and pants, yet another infuriatingly cute quirk that Sapnap absolutely adores.
“We-” Karl interrupts himself with a yawn, and the raven smiles to himself, knowing they won’t make it halfway through the movie without the taller man falling asleep. “We ready now?”
And fuck him, but even Karl’s voice sends butterflies racing down his spine.
“Uh, yeah. We’re ready,” he answers softly, going to sit down on top of the mound compiled of blankets and pillows.
Ding dong.
Sapnap wants to kiss the brunet for having a doorbell that sounds like it’s from the nineteen-seventies. Jesus, he’s so down bad.
“I’ll get it,” Karl rushes, racing to the door to grab their food as Sapnap makes himself comfortable. It’s warm, swaddled underneath his pile of blankets, but not as satisfying as cuddling would be, so he ends up squirming around impatiently, waiting for Karl to return.
And finally, after what feels like hours, he does, carrying a large pizza box in one hand and bowing down to place it on the coffee table, exaggerating every movement. Sapnap smiles, before reaching down to grab Karl’s hand, tugging on it lightly as if to tell the brunet to sit down. Which he does, after a confusing moment where Karl makes some sort of weird (endearing) noise in an attempt to distract him.
But thankfully, he caves, and Sapnap is rewarded with clothed warmth pressing into his chest and stomach while fluffy hair blocks his view of the screen, still frozen on the Netflix home screen.
“Whaddya wanna watch,” he whispers into the mop of hair in front of him, smiling when he feels a shudder go through the other man. Giving into one of his desires, he drapes a careful arm over Karl’s torso, breath hitching when he feels a soft hand intertwine them. Maybe he’s just the tiniest bit touch-starved, he thinks as Karl snuggles back against him.
“Just choose something funny,” is the only guiding hint he gets, before being completely ignored. Huffing, he shifts, pulling himself up so that he can see the screen.
“Don’t leave,” Karl whines, and Sapnap chuckles.
“I’m not, I’m not. Your big ass head of hair is blocking the damn screen is all.” He only laughs harder at Karl’s weak denials, scrolling through the comedy section before settling on one that’s hopefully half-decent.
The movie starts to play, finally, and even though his stomach is growling at the sight of food laid out in front of them, the position he’s currently in is far more appealing, pressed up in between the couch cushions and a pretty brunet.
“Our food is going to get cold,” Karl whispers during a lull in the show, and Sapnap shrugs.
“Worth it,” he replies, pulling the taller closer to his chest and tangling their legs together, trying to connect them in almost every way possible as the show continues. Sighing contentedly, he half-heartedly listens to the movie playing, more invested in the tiny little giggles Karl lets out, butterflies mixing with the vibrations that echo through his chest at the sound.
And yeah, maybe he is touch-starved, but after this, Sapnap has a sneaking suspicion that any loneliness he feels in the future will be quelled by a tall brunet with sparkling gray eyes.
“Love you, Karl,” he mumbles softly into fluffy hair, before closing his eyes. Just for a second, he thinks to himself.
And seven hours later, when they both wake, somehow even closer than before, Karl twists in his grasp, face pressed to his chest and soft little breaths muffled by colored cotton.
“Love you too, Sap,”