Chapter Text
Buck doesn’t usually get to work early. He doesn’t like hanging around in the station while he waits for everyone else to get there, he doesn’t like making awkward small talk with the B shift and he always gets bored and distracted when he sits upstairs alone.
He leaves his place early enough that he knows he won’t be late, but he does everything he can to avoid being early. If he gets there too soon he’ll sit in his jeep and play a dumb game on his phone until it’s just before work starts and he’ll get inside just on time.
Today though, he showed up five minutes early. Only five, that shouldn’t make too much of a difference. He did dwell on it a bit while walking into the station. Would this day be completely different if he had shown up right on time like he usually does?
Eddie’s already in the locker room, sitting on a bench with his head in his hands.
“Hey Eds, you alright?” Buck asks, opening up his locker.
Eddie sighs, “Yeah, just didn’t get a lot of sleep.”
“What’s going on?”
“I’ve been thinking about that mom from the other day- Sheila. I think she’s poisoning her kid,” He says.
“You think she’s poisoning him? With what?” Buck asks. He knew Eddie had been thinking about this since the other day, that something has been bothering him. He didn’t expect him to get to this conclusion though, to accuse someone of poisoning their own child.
Eddie sighs and shakes his head, “I’m not sure. But something doesn’t add up…”
“Alright… Well, let’s figure it out then.” If Eddie thinks something’s going on Buck believes him, and if it’s bothering him this much Buck is determined to help him figure it out.
“I’m gonna go upstairs, just meet me up there after you get changed,” Eddie stands up, rubbing his eyes, then walks out of the locker room.
Buck changes quickly and shoves all of his stuff into his locker. He needs to help Eddie figure this out before their shift starts. He needs to know his partner is okay before they spend the day running into fires.
“So what are the symptoms of this mystery illness?” Buck asks as he runs up the stairs, sitting down next to Eddie on the couch.
“He’s weak, frail, constantly throwing up. His mom said he had an auto-immune disease but she wasn’t specific,” Eddie stares down at his lap, frowning.
“Do you have any evidence? At all?” Buck asks. He believes Eddie, of course he believes him. But if there’s no real evidence, what can they do? They’re not cops, they can’t investigate. All they can do is their jobs, and then call the police to do the rest.
“No…” He says, quietly. He seems upset that he hasn’t been able to find something, he wants to help but he can’t, “But something’s off, I just know it.”
“I believe you, but if there’s no evidence…”
“I already called social services. I’m hoping they’ll be able to find something,” Eddie says. There’s a pang of guilt in his voice like he feels bad for calling them.
“What else can you do then? You did your job, you did more than your job. It’s in their hands now,” Buck says, desperately trying to reassure him. There’s nothing else he can do, he shouldn’t feel bad about not being able to do more.
Eddie can’t move on. He feels like he needs to figure this out, like he needs to help this kid, “I just want to figure out what it is. What could she be using?”
He just wants to figure out what the poison is. It has to be something she could get her hands on and enough of it to always have some on hand. She would have to be able to give it to him without him noticing. If it was something in the air or somewhere in their apartment she would get sick too, she must be putting it in his food. But what is it?
“Maybe ask Hen and Chimney, I’m sure they see a lot more poisonings than us. They might be able to help,” Buck suggests.
“Yeah.”
“They’ll probably be here soon,” Buck says. Eddie looks worse for wear, Buck isn’t even certain he should be at work today, “Just hang on until then, maybe have some breakfast? Coffee?”
Eddie gets up from the couch and heads to the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee. Buck gets up and leans on the railing, watching the floor and waiting for Chimney or Hen to walk in. Eddie drinks his coffee quickly, and checks the fridge for something to eat, but doesn’t see anything he wants.
Buck spots Chimney walking in the doors and turns back to Eddie, “Hey, Chim’s here.”
Buck gestures towards the garage. Eddie puts his cup in the sink and they both run to get to Chimney before he goes into the locker room.
“Hey Chim,” Buck calls out as he and Eddie run down the stairs.
Chimney frowns, confused by Buck being early and him and Eddie sprinting down the stairs towards him, “What’s up?”
“Need your help with something,” Eddie says.
“Alright,” Chimney still looks a little confused.
“That kid from the other day, the one with the autoimmune disease…” Eddie pauses, continuing when Chimney nods, “I think his mom is poisoning him.”
“Munchausen by proxy? That’s a pretty big accusation,” He says.
“But it makes sense. She wasn’t specific about the disease, they move a lot, they’re constantly changing doctors,” Buck says. Chimney nods along then turns back to Eddie.
“What do you think she’s using?”
“I don’t know…”
“Did you see anything out of the ordinary while you were there?”
Eddie stops, thinking. He stares across the room for a moment and then it hits him, “Eye drops. There were so many of them in the kitchen.”
“Tetrahydrozoline poisoning. Could cause nausea, headaches, weakness,” Chimney says, “Lethal if you ingest enough but in small doses it would just make someone really sick.”
“It all lines up.”
“But why is she doing it?” Chim asks.
“Ana found a bunch of fund-me pages. Maybe she’s doing it for profit,” Eddie says. All the pieces are falling into place, it’s all starting to make sense.
Eddie’s phone starts to ring in his pocket. It’s a number he doesn’t recognize.
—--
“Should’ve been here sooner,” Eddie says. If he had figured it out a little sooner he could’ve called the police, gotten that kid out of there before this all happened.
“That kid’s just lucky he met you,” Buck says.
“Diaz, you want to ride with the kid to the hospital?”
“Yeah,” Before Eddie can say another word he’s cut off by a deafening noise.
A gunshot.
Eddie feels something hit his face. Blood. But it’s not his blood, he hasn’t been shot. Nothing hit him.
Then he looks up.
Buck’s shoulder is soaked in blood. He’s frozen in place, stunned. He got shot.
Before Eddie can react Buck falls to the ground.
He quickly pulls himself back to reality and runs towards Buck just as another shot goes off. It flies past his head and he spins around to see where it came from but he can’t see anything.
Suddenly the streets of Los Angeles are a war zone, he feels like he’s back in Afghanistan.
“Diaz, get down!” Captain Mehta’s voice rings in his ears as he runs around the corner of the truck, just before another shot goes off. It hits the front of the truck, barely missing Eddie once again.
Another shot hits the captain’s truck parked behind the engine. It bursts into flames, and the firefighter who was crouched behind it runs for the shelter of the engine.
“Shots fired. Firefighter has been shot,” Mehta yells into his radio.
Eddie peers around the front of the truck, at Buck laying alone on the ground. There’s a pool of his blood on the pavement.
Three other firefighters are on the ground behind the truck, trying to shelter in place until the bullets stop. But someone needs to get Buck. He’s still out there alone.
Eddie looks around, he can’t see who’s shooting but he knows where the shots are coming from. It would be too far to run around the back of the truck to grab him, there would be too much risk of getting shot on the way back. He can’t run around the front, there have already been two shots hit near the front so there’s likely to be another. He has to crawl under the truck.
He drops to the ground and crawls under the truck, just trying to get to Buck. All he can think about is getting him back, he needs to save him. He needs him.
He grabs Buck’s wrist and starts to pull on him, dragging him across the pavement and under the truck. He can’t help but think about the fact that the last time Buck was under a firetruck he was being crushed, and now he’s being dragged under one after being shot.
Buck screams in pain as he drags him. He wishes he could stop, stop this from hurting, go back to just a minute ago before he got shot. But he tries his best to ignore his screams, he just has to keep him alive.
He pulls him out the other side and picks him up, throwing him over his shoulder so he can get him into the firetruck.
Someone opens the door to the truck and climbs in, helping Eddie to pull Buck onto the seat. Eddie climbs in behind them, as one of the other firefighters runs around to the driver's seat and Captain Mehta takes the other seat in the front.
Eddie grabs a bag of medical supplies off the ground, digging around for gauze. There isn’t much in here, they need to get to a hospital quickly if there’s any chance of keeping Buck alive.
“Eds… Are you okay?” Buck says, barely louder than a whisper. His face is pale, eyes barely staying open. Eddie grabs gauze from the bag and rips Buck’s shirt open to press it to the wound. It’s soaked in blood and he bleeds through the gauze right away. Is he even gonna make it to the hospital?
“I’m fine,” He says, grabbing more gauze from the bag, trying desperately to stop Buck from bleeding out in the back of the truck, “Just hang on.”
“Captain Mehta, 133. On route to Byrne Memorial hospital.”
Another firefighter in the back grabs another bag of medical supplies and starts passing more gauze to Eddie. He presses it to the wound, just trying to get the bleeding to slow down. If he loses too much blood…
“We’re almost there, just stay with me,” Eddie says. He’s pretty sure there are tears in his eyes, but his face is too covered in blood to know whether they’re falling down his face. He can’t lose Buck, he needs him to stay alive.
He drowns out the sound of the sirens, the other firefighters talking, the traffic on the road. He can’t focus on anything but Buck. He needs to save him.
He keeps pressing the gauze to Buck’s shoulder, staring at his blood-soaked shirt and his tired eyes. They were just working, trying to save a life, and now Buck is bleeding out in the back of a firetruck.
His best friend, his partner… He’s bleeding out in front of him.
Before he can think too hard about what life would be like without him the truck pulls up to the hospital. Doctors are rushing around, throwing Buck onto a gurney, and running into the hospital.
Eddie is left standing beside the engine alone, covered in blood and just trying to keep himself from collapsing.
---
Eddie stumbles out of the hospital, most of the blood scrubbed off his face and hands. His skin feels raw, but he just had to get it off. To get rid of the constant reminder of what he just saw.
He couldn’t get rid of the taste of blood in his mouth though, it lingers on his tongue even after his best attempts to wash it away or cover the taste with something else. It’s fading, maybe if he distracts himself he won’t notice it so much, but it’s still there.
He pulls off his mask as he walks out the hospital doors and grabs his phone from his pocket. He’s not sure how it didn’t fall out and get lost in the commotion but when he made it to the hospital it was still there.
He opens his phone, finger hovering over Buck’s number. He always calls him when he’s had a long day, when he needs to talk. But then he spots a bit of blood still under his fingernails and he remembers.
He tries to keep his composure, tries to keep from crying. He shed a few tears inside while he was trying to get the blood off his face but he doesn’t like to cry when there are people around. He was always taught that tears were a sign of weakness, and even though he doesn’t believe that anymore, he can’t help but try to hide his emotions from other people.
He looks around for a familiar face, anyone who hasn’t left the hospital yet, but everyone is gone. Every other firefighter who was there, who saw him get shot, has just moved on with their day like it didn’t happen.
He does spot one face he recognizes though, standing in a sea of reporters. It’s Taylor.
He’s never liked her much, not that he would ever admit that out loud. She’s friends with Buck, and if he likes her then Eddie will just have to go on pretending.
She spots him too and pushes her way through the crowd.
“Not right now,” He says, “No comment. I’m not talking about what happened.”
“I’m not here for work. I just heard a firefighter got shot and that it might’ve been someone from the 118 and I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t…” She says, trailing off when she looks at his face. He can’t bring himself to say out loud that it was him, that the one person she was hoping didn’t get shot did. He was the one person Eddie didn’t want anything to happen to too.
Eddie stares at the ground, trying to get his thoughts in order before he blurts out something stupid in front of someone he knows would take advantage of that. He’s always known she can’t be trusted. That she would turn on anyone just to get what she wants. He’s not going to let her have it, not going to help her create a twisted, dramatic story about the firefighter whose partner got shot in front of him.
“Is he…” She trails off again. She seems genuinely upset, or as genuinely upset as she’s capable of being.
“He’s alive.”
“Oh thank god,” She says. She cares about Buck, Eddie can tell. Which is new. She didn’t seem to care about him before when she used him or insulted him. Maybe she just has a weird way of caring about people, or a weird way of showing it.
He almost wants to blurt out that god didn’t do any of this, that he’s the one who dragged Buck under the truck and kept him from bleeding out on the way to the hospital. God had no hand in this, and if he did he was cruel. To put someone like Buck through this, someone as good and special as Buck through something like this is just wrong and unfair.
A little part of Eddie thinks he deserved to get shot instead. He was a bad husband, a bad father. He left a part of himself in the desert and as hard as he tried, as many people as he saved, he could never seem to make himself feel whole again.
Buck had every reason to be broken, to be only a torn-up piece of a person. His parents didn’t want him and everyone seems to leave him. But he has never been anything less than good. He fixes people, he saves people. And this is what he gets.
Eddie gives Taylor a nod as he walks across the parking lot. He hadn’t thought this through, where he’s going to go, how he’s getting back to the station. The other stations just left him here and now he’s alone.
And standing there in the middle of the parking lot it hits him, if Buck doesn’t pull through, he’s going to be alone. He doesn’t have anyone else like him, someone he can count on, he can depend on. He doesn’t have anyone else who makes him laugh like Buck does, who can always make him smile on a rainy day.
He loves his family, his blood relatives, and the 118, but he doesn’t need them like he needs Buck. Aside from Christopher, he’s the only person Eddie’s ever truly needed.
Christopher.
Eddie’s heart sinks when he realizes. He has to tell Chris what happened. That Buck, the man who’s basically his second dad, got shot and he might not survive. How is he supposed to do that?
He already had to tell Chris he was never going to see his mom again. He had to watch him lose her twice. And then he let another person into Christopher’s life and he might die too.
Letting Shannon back into his life shouldn’t have ended like this. She wanted to be there for him, be a parent. He chose to let her back in.
He never chose to let Buck into his kid’s life. It just happened. He fit so perfectly into their little family. It all just fell into place before Eddie had too much of a chance to think about it.
He fit in more perfectly than Shannon did, more perfectly than Ana does. They never had to try, it just worked.
—-
Eddie only had to stand in the parking lot alone for about 15 minutes before Bobby showed up. He heard a firefighter got shot, someone from his station, and he dropped everything to run to the hospital. He loves everyone at the station like they’re his own kids, he would do anything for them.
He has a bit of a special soft spot for Buck though, everyone could see it. Buck used to be some immature, crazy kid, and since joining the 118 he grew up. He saw Bobby a bit like a father figure, the person who helped make him into the man he is today, and Bobby saw Buck like a son.
So when Bobby pulled into the parking lot and saw Eddie standing there alone, and he knew it was Buck, Eddie thought he would break down on the spot. He kept his composure though, got out of the truck to make sure Eddie was alright and offered to drive him back to the station.
The ride back was fairly quiet. Bobby wanted to know what happened, but Eddie didn’t want to talk much about it. He tried to talk about it, to turn everything he saw and everything he felt into words, to let them out of his brain.
The rest of the day went by in a blur. He got his truck from the station and drove home. He tried to sit down and watch TV but his mind started to wander and he had to get up. He thought about getting Chris early, taking him for ice cream and trying to find anything to do that didn’t involve sitting at home, but he figured his crisis is no excuse to disrupt his son's education.
So he cleaned the whole house, rearranged the furniture, went through some old boxes of stuff he shoved into the attic after moving in. Anything to keep himself from thinking about Buck, in the hospital, unable to breathe on his own, and the fact that he wasn’t expecting to see another person get shot in front of him, ever.
The streets of LA don’t have a reputation for being particularly safe, but they’ve never been dangerous enough to make Eddie feel like he was back in Afghanistan again. He thought he was done looking over his shoulder, being ready to run for cover at any moment. He thought he was done worrying that the people he works with could die at any minute.
But he didn’t want to think about it. Not today. So he pushed his thoughts down and focused on his housework until he could finally go pick up Chris.
Somehow, despite having a whole day to think about it, he never figured out how he was going to tell Christopher. So he picked him up from school and just started driving, around in circles, anywhere but home. He has to tell his son something that will hurt him and he just doesn’t know how to do that.
He’s been pretty quiet for the drive, but Chris has been chatting away from the back seat. Talking about his day at school, and everything they’ve been learning. Eddie has been listening but not really hearing anything he says until…
“We were talking about heroes in class today. I said my dad and Buck are heroes, that you save lives,” He has the biggest smile on his face when he talks about them, and Eddie has to hold back tears.
Hearing Christopher call Buck a hero made Eddie’s heart feel like it was breaking in his chest. He loves him, idolizes him, and he might never see him again.
And he called Eddie a hero too, but Eddie was the guy who couldn’t stop him from getting shot, and who might not have gotten to him fast enough to save him. He doesn’t ever feel like a hero, but especially not today.
After driving around for nearly an hour and Christopher asking four times why they weren’t home yet Eddie finally pulls into their driveway. They get out of the car and he helps Chris take all his stuff into the house, before going to the kitchen to make him a snack.
Christopher sits at the table waiting, but his trademark smile isn’t on his face anymore. He knows something is wrong, Eddie knows he knows.
Eddie gets some cookies out of the top cupboard and puts them on a plate, then takes a second to compose himself before he goes to talk to Chris.
“Dad, what’s wrong?” He asks as Eddie sets the plate in front of him and sits down.
“Something happened at work today,” He says, feeling like he has to force the words out of his mouth. Like they’re too heavy to lift but he has to do it anyway, “Something happened to Buck.”
“What happened?” Christopher frowns.
“Someone hurt Buck. Really badly.” Eddie struggles with the words. There’s just something about saying it out loud. He hates crying in front of his son, he hates crying in front of anyone, so he tries to hold the tears in.
“Is he gonna be okay?” Chris seems sad, but he’s calm. Eddie wonders if he realizes how bad it really is, and if he should tell him.
“I don’t know,” Eddie walks around to sit on the ground in front of him, “We’re gonna get through this though. Me and you. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Eddie hugs Christopher, squeezing him tight and never wanting to let go. He starts to choke up again though so he gets up, and goes back to the kitchen so his kid doesn’t see him cry.
He stands there alone, leaning against the counter, tears streaming down his face. The overwhelming feeling that he’s alone keeps hitting him. He tries to tell himself that he’s not completely alone, that Buck is his best friend but he still has his son and his abuela, and the 118.
But Buck is more than his best friend. He has been for a long time. They’ve never talked about it but they both know. They’re less like best friends and more like partners. Not just in work but in life.
Seeing your best friend get shot would hurt, he has no doubt about that, but this is worse. This feels like someone ripped his beating heart out of his chest.
---
Being a firefighter is always stressful. Most of the station uses humour to cope, constantly joking around and trying to make each other laugh. It makes the long nights a little shorter, and the hard calls a little easier to cope with.
But not even humour could fix this, so no one even tries.
Everyone is on edge. One of their own getting shot, they’re all in danger, and they still have to do their jobs and save lives. The weight of the bulletproof vests on their chests make it hard to forget for even a second what’s going on. The constant police escort doesn’t help either.
Eddie gets to the station a few minutes early, yet again. Everyone was supposed to get in 20 minutes before their shift so Bobby could go over the new safety protocols again, but Eddie showed up a half-hour before that.
The station feels different when Buck isn’t around. Him just being there makes everything feel better, the air feels lighter and the sun coming through the windows feels bright. Today it feels like the garage is full of storm clouds.
Eddie doesn’t want to bother the B shift, so he just sits in the locker room. He gets out his phone and tries scrolling through Instagram to pass the time but the second he opens the app he’s reminded once again that Buck isn’t here. The most recent picture on his page is of them and Chris when they built him a skateboard.
He didn’t even have to ask for Buck’s help, he was just there. He was so excited to do something for Chris, he loves that kid so much.
So he puts his phone away and just sits there, staring at the wall of lockers in front of him and trying to tune out of the world around him, until he hears familiar footsteps behind him.
“Diaz?” Bobby asks and Eddie turns around, “How long have you been here?”
“Fifteen minutes… Maybe twenty,” He says.
“How are you holding up?” Bobby walks into the locker room and sits down next to him, setting his bag down on the floor beside the bench.
“I’m fine,” Eddie tries to put a neutral look on his face, trying to make it believable that he’s okay.
“Do you want to go home? You don’t have to work today,” Bobby says, giving him a sympathetic look. He’s worried, Eddie can tell, but he doesn’t want him to be. He’s a master at pushing his emotions down, pushing through, never letting anything get to him. And maybe this is different, maybe it is getting to him, but he’ll keep trying to tell himself it’s not until he feels fine again.
“I need to be here,” He says, “I need to keep my mind off of Buck in the hospital and I don’t have anywhere to go but here.”
“Be careful today. If you need to leave everyone would understand.”
“Thanks. But I’m okay,” Eddie hopes that if he says he’s okay enough times he’ll believe it. But whether he’s okay or not he needs to be here.
He can’t keep thinking about this, about Buck, he needs to move on. At least for now, while he doesn’t know how he’s doing or if he’s still alive. He can be sad later if Buck…
Bobby pats him on the shoulder before getting up and heading towards his office. Eddie checks his watch, Hen and Chimney should be showing up in about 5 minutes. He can pass the time by staring at the wall until then.
Before he knows it the commotion of the shifts changing over starts and everyone gathers upstairs so Bobby can go over the new safety protocols. They have to wear bulletproof vests on every call, the only time they can remove them is in the upstairs part of the station or when the garage doors are closed. They have to change into civilian clothes before leaving for the day. They will be accompanied by a police escort on every call. No one is allowed to be on their own, they have to stay with at least one other firefighter at all times.
The safety rules remind Eddie a bit of his time in the military. Everything was strict, precise. He followed all the rules because following all the rules is your best shot at staying alive. This is no different, the new protocols are there to keep them safe, so what happened to Buck doesn’t happen to anyone else.
“I know we’re all feeling shaken today, distracted, and this is going to be a long shift. Look out for each other, stay diligent, and we’re going to get through this together, as a team,” Bobby says, ending his safety speech on a bit of a high note. Everyone starts to wander off, and Bobby heads to the kitchen to get started on breakfast. Hen and Chimney stay sitting, looking at Eddie, then sharing a knowing look.
“What is it?” He asks, “I saw that look.”
“We just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” Hen says, getting up and sitting down next to Eddie.
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem fine. You look like you haven’t slept at all,” Chimney says.
“I’m fine, seriously. I just wanna get to work,” Eddie says. He gets up and walks away from them, heading to the kitchen. Maybe since Bobby has already asked if he’s okay he won’t ask again, and he can sit in the kitchen without being bothered.
He can hear Hen and Chimney talking behind him, but he doesn’t turn to look. He already knows what they’re saying.
He sits down at the counter and stares down while Bobby cooks. He can see his worried looks from the corner of his eye but figures if he doesn’t acknowledge them he won’t have to talk about whether or not he’s okay again.
---
Eddie was hoping for a busy day, to keep his mind off things, but of course he wasn’t that lucky. They’ve had two simple med calls, which were less simple than usual due to the extra safety measure, but still over pretty quickly. He’s tried to pretend he didn’t notice people staring at him in the engine or when he walks across the station, but he does. They all look worried, sad, almost like they pity him.
He’s spent the day trying to find places to hide, away from people’s prying eyes and obvious stares. Every time someone walks into a room he leaves, tries to find anywhere else to go so he doesn’t have to talk about it.
So he’s sitting in the locker room while everyone else hangs out upstairs, desperately hoping nobody will walk through the door. And then Hen does, with a sympathetic look on her face and a sad half-smile.
“Please stop asking if I’m okay,” Eddie says before she gets a chance to say anything.
“I wasn’t going to,” She shakes her head and sits down next to him on the bench, “I just wanted you to know that you can talk to me.”
“I don’t have anything to talk about,” He says, turning his face away from her.
“You don’t have to be okay, you know? You saw your best friend-”
“He’s not just my best friend, okay?” He blurts out. He’s been thinking about it a lot, how Buck isn’t just his best friend, but he hasn’t said it out loud before, “He’s not. And I don’t know what to do without him.”
Hen moves down the bench so she can turn to face him, “Do you… Do you have feelings for him?”
Eddie doesn’t know how to respond so he just sits there. Hen stays quiet, giving him time to figure out what to say. He wishes he knew what to say but he doesn’t have an answer. Does he have feelings for Buck?
“I don’t know.”
Eddie can feel tears stinging in his eyes once again, but he tries to hold them in. Crying in front of someone on his team would make him seem weak.
But he can’t hold back anymore, tears start rolling down his face and she sees them before he can wipe them away.
“Buck is still alive. He isn’t gone,” Hen moves back to sit beside him on the bench and wraps an arm around his shoulders.
“What if he doesn’t wake up?” Eddie stares at the ground, tears falling from his face onto his legs, “What am I supposed to do without him?”
“I don’t know, but you’re tough. You’ll figure it out,” Hen squeezes his shoulder. It’s comforting, just her presence in the room is, but nothing is enough to make him feel better right now. All he can think about is Buck, alone in the hospital, fighting for his life.
“I need him. I love him,” Eddie says, barely louder than a whisper.
“I know, I know,” Hen whispers, rubbing his arm with her hand, “It’s gonna be okay.”
“What if it’s not?” He rubs one arm with his other hand, hoping it will calm him down and keep him from getting more upset.
“Then we’re all gonna be here for you until you feel okay again,” She says, “We’re a family here, we’re your family. We’re gonna help you through this.”
“I don’t know if you can. I need him, I really need him,” His voice cracks and he struggles to get all the words out through sobs.
“I know,” She says. He starts to pull away from her, turning on the bench to face her.
He sighs and tries to look up at Hen but his eyes flutter back to the ground after only a second, “What if something happens to me?”
“What do you mean?” She asks, turning to sit facing him.
“I uh…” Eddie lets out a sad chuckle. This isn’t funny, it shouldn’t be, but with all the emotions he can’t help but laugh a little, “I changed my will. Last year. If I die, Buck becomes Christopher’s legal guardian. Or at least he’s supposed to be if he…”
Eddie was worried about what would happen to Christopher if something happened to him. So, after his last near-death experience, he made sure there was a plan.
When Shannon died, he started thinking about what he should do, who he should put in his will, just in case the unthinkable happened. And there Buck was, always fighting for Chris, doing everything he could for him. It never mattered that he’s not his kid, that they aren’t even technically family. Buck has always treated him like a son.
Eddie thought it was crazy when the thought first popped into his head. Leaving his entire heart in the care of a man with such a habit of recklessness seemed like it should be a bad idea. But he always knew that nobody would fight harder for his son than Buck. That’s what he wants for him.
His lawyer did think it was a bad idea, but that didn’t stop him from making the change. He assumed his family would disagree with his choice too, so he never told them. None of them truly know what would be best for Christopher, even though they think they do.
“If he survives.”
Hen lets the silence linger for a moment before she answers, “Wow.”
“I never told him,” Eddie says, “I never found the right time. I thought I had time.”
“Is there a right time to tell someone something like that?” She asks. Eddie slowly shakes his head, “Tell him when he wakes up.”
“If.”
“I’m trying to be positive. Someone has to,” She says, with a warm smile.
“Thank you,” He says. For the first time since he’s been here today he doesn’t feel judged, just supported, “For this.”
He knows everyone would be there for him if he gave them the chance, but it’s hard to open up to people. He doesn’t want to turn to anyone, because he doesn’t want to have to. He’s always felt a need to handle everything on his own, and he was planning on being that way forever until he met Buck. He didn’t even ask Eddie if he needed help, if he wanted it, he just knew when he did and he stepped up. They barely even knew each other when Buck introduced him to Carla, he didn’t ask him to do that but he just did.
He knows the rest of the team would do anything for him, but nobody has ever walked into his life and just started fixing things the way Buck did. He’s pretty certain nobody else ever will, at least not like that.
“Don’t mention it. We’re family.” Hen says. Before either of them can say more, the bell rings.
“Duty calls” She stands up. Footsteps pound against the floor upstairs, shaking the roof of the locker room. Everyone is jumping to action, “Are you gonna be alright? I’m sure it would be fine for you to sit this one out.”
“I’m fine,” Eddie says. He gets up and they run out of the locker room, towards the engines. The whole room is in a state of organized chaos, it seems chaotic to an observer but everyone in it knows exactly what they’re doing, where they’re going. It’s a carefully choreographed routine, everyone doing their part so they can get to the call as quickly as possible.
Hen and Eddie climb into the engine where Chimney is already sitting, and as soon as Bobby jumps into the Captain’s seat they start to drive.
—-
The ride to a call always feels longer than it is. The engine moves quickly, but time goes slow. With all the nerves, and the not knowing what to expect, it feels like a short drive takes hours.
This one somehow feels longer than usual. Eddie’s eyes barely leave the empty seat across from him, the spot where Buck should be sitting.
He does spend just enough time looking up to notice the stares. There's not a moment the whole time they’re in the truck that someone’s eyes aren’t on him, Chimney’s especially. Him and Hen have been staring at him and sharing weird looks all day, that he assumes are saying “This guy does not seem okay.”
But in the engine, they share a look Eddie doesn’t recognize, and he’s not sure what it means but it does get Chimney to avert his gaze and spend the rest of the ride staring at his lap.
The call is a small house fire. They put it out pretty quickly and are back in the engine before they know it. Eddie silently wishes it took a long time to put out and it only felt fast, but when he checks the time he sees they’ve only been gone from the station for an hour.
“Hey guys check this out,” Chimney says, turning his phone to show Hen and Eddie. A nearby station responded to a call where a guy was trapped by a cable 30 stories up on a piece of scaffolding. Eddie is pretty certain if it was their call Buck would’ve been the first to volunteer to climb up there. He probably would’ve done it even if Bobby told him not to. That is if he wasn’t…
“Wow. And here we are getting simple med calls and house fires,” Hen says, as Chimney puts his phone away.
Everyone sits quietly until a ringing phone interrupts, it’s Eddie’s. He tries to ignore it, busy staring out the window as they drive back to the station.
Hen looks at him as the ringing continues, tapping her foot along to the annoying song. Chimney slowly turns his head to look at him, then he exchanges a look with Hen, before looking back at Eddie and his annoying, ringing phone.
Bobby sighs and looks back at Eddie in the mirror. Now the whole team is staring at Eddie, just waiting for him to pick up the phone.
“Are you gonna get that?” Hen asks, snapping Eddie back into reality. He heard his phone ringing, he totally did, but he was more focused on staring out the window and trying not to think about the fact that Buck isn’t in here.
He takes his phone out of his pocket, it’s an unknown number. He presses the accept button and slowly brings the phone to his ear, “Hello?”
“Is this Eddie Diaz?” The voice on the other end asks.
“It is.” He says.
“We have you listed as Evan Buckley’s primary contact,” It’s the hospital. He assumed it was, but didn’t want to get his hopes up that there was good news.
“Buck? Is he okay? Is he dead?” He tries to keep his composure, but fumbles over his words.
“He’s awake. He’s asking for you,” The other person says. Eddie nearly laughs, a weight flies off his chest. Buck is alive. He’s awake.
He’s asking for Eddie.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Eddie says, and hangs up the phone.
“Eddie?” Hen asks.
“Buck’s awake,” He says.
“Alright, turn around. We’re going to the hospital,” Bobby says.
“Bobby,” Eddie starts to protest. They’re at work, and he doesn’t want him visiting Buck to waste anyone else’s time.
“No. Go see him,” Bobby says, as the engine turns around.
The ride to the hospital is short and soon enough Eddie is standing in the hallway, staring at Buck through the window.