Work Text:
Scene: A high-end dim sum restaurant, eerily empty despite its usual hour-long queues.
A-Huan (sipping chrysanthemum tea): "Tell us about your newest story, A-Sang."
Nie Mingjue (glaring): "Don’t encourage him, A-Huan."
A-Huan (smiling serenely): "A gege should always support his didi’s passion, A-Jue."
Mingjue (grumbling): "Writing fanfiction on some website isn’t a career."
A-Huan (side-eyeing him sharply).
Mingjue (dramatic sigh): "Fine. Please, A-Sang, we’re dying to hear your latest masterpiece." (Sarcasm thick enough to choke on.)
Huaisang (smirking, relishing Mingjue’s suffering): "It’s a regular slow-burn romance between a nerd and a class clown. The catch is the nerd is bitchy as hell and the clown is super sexy. Five years of mutual pining since junior high."
A-Huan (winces): "Please do tell me it’s not based on real people."
Huaisang (grinning): "Oh, it’s RPF."
Mingjue (clueless): "RP-what?"
A-Huan (pinching Mingjue’s thigh under the table): "Real Person Fiction."
Mingjue (internally): Note to self: Google "fanfic terms" later to make A-Huan happy.
Huaisang (bragging): "As of this second, my fic has gathered 1,823 kudos. That’s 1,823 people fed up with the MCs’ obliviousness."
Mingjue (muttering): What the hell is an MC? (Decides not to ask.)
The Plot Thickens (Along with the Sexual Tension)
Huaisang (between bites of char-siu-bao): "Bitchy Nerd is the Head Prefect; Sexy Clown is the rule-breaking athlete. They spent years in detention together—glaring, bickering, and not making out."
Smiley Waiter (suddenly choking on air).
A-Huan (delicately eating xiao-long-bao): "They never talked about their feelings?"
Huaisang (laughing): "Sexy Clown never shuts up—except about his crush. And Bitchy Nerd? His idea of flirting is stalking."
Mingjue (snorting): "And the clown didn’t notice?"
Huaisang (leaning in): "Oh, he noticed. He just thought Bitchy Nerd was mad at him for being shirtless after basketball practice."
A-Huan (eyebrow raised): "How do you know what Sexy Nerd was thinking?"
Huaisang (grinning): "Because he hid the evidence in his sling bag."
Mingjue (suddenly invested): "Damn, A-Sang. I need to read this."
A-Huan (glaring): "You what?"
Huaisang (innocently): "Don’t worry, Ge. It’s rated G."
The Reveal (And the Shameless Make-Out Session)
Huaisang (casually): "Oh, their names in the fic? Lan-Er-Gege and Wei-Xiong."
A-Huan (freezing mid-bite): "…You’re writing about A-Zhan?"
Bitchy Nerd (Lan Zhan) (calmly sipping tea): "I am not a nerd." (Does not deny "bitchy.")
Lan Zhan (suddenly locking eyes with Smiley Waiter): "MianMian isn’t your girlfriend?"
Sexy Clown (Wei Ying) (tea spluttering everywhere): "You don’t have a crush on her?"
Mingjue (observing the chaos): Ah. So that’s why the restaurant’s empty.
Then—BAM. They’re kissing. Sloppy, desperate, embarrassingly bad kissing.
Cashier Lady (yelling): "Our service doesn’t include kissing!"
Grumpy Waiter (scowling): "And we don’t pay for laundry!"
Lan Zhan (already groping Wei Ying’s ass): "Ge. Tip my boyfriend well."
Wei Ying (swooning): "My room’s upstairs. Keep kissing until we get there, then… whatever."
They proceed to badly navigate their way out, knocking over chairs.
Mingjue (watching in horror): "They’re idiots."
The Aftermath (And the Real Mastermind)
A-Huan (high-fiving Huaisang): "Mission accomplished!"
Mingjue (realizing): "This was a set-up?!"
Grumpy Waiter (muttering): "Thank god. No more listening to Wei Ying whine about Lan Zhan."
Cashier Lady (Yanli) (smiling): "Dessert’s on us. Celebrate the end of pining."
Mingjue (narrowing eyes at A-Huan): "You recruited A-Sang?"
A-Huan (whispering seductively): "He reads all my fics. Especially the Alpha/Omega ones."
Mingjue (immediately reaching for his wallet): "We’re leaving. Now."
A-Huan (smug): "Tip’s 31%."
Mingjue (grumbling as he signs the bill): "This better be worth it."
A-Huan (wicked grin): "Oh, it will be."
Bonus Scene (Post-Credits Shamelessness)
Wei Ying (post-make-out session): "When did you know Huaisang was writing about us?"
Lan Zhan (smug): "He said ‘super sexy.’ Only you."
Wei Ying (laughing): "I figured it out at ‘detention.’ Only I got punished that much."
Lan Zhan (grabbing his ass): "Wei Ying is very naughty."
Wei Ying (grinning): "And you love it."
(Cue shameless Wangxian activities. Rating: Explicit.)