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Chongyun was terrified.
It wasn’t because of Xingqiu, but this was a surprise.
As much as he loved the Guhua clans heir, one false move could cause him to have Jueyun Chilis in his breakfast, lunch, dinner, and if Xingqiu had his ways, some would even have been snuck into his hair.
Of course, these days Chongyun didn’t remember well, since his congenital positivity was always taking over, but he was glad. Well, most of the time.
—
According to Xinyan, Xiangling, and basically anyone who was dining near Wanwen Restaurant that horrid day, Chongyun had (embarrassingly?) proposed to Xingqiu, the only thing in his hand being a stray Glaze Lily he had picked up. After that, of course, Xingqiu said yes.
Later, when his positivity had calmed down and they were back in their shared apartment, they were kissing.
This part, Chongyun did remember.
“The way he parts his hair…” is all he remembered thinking.
Xingqiu a constant repeating thought in his mind. He felt as Xingqiu gently caressed away his ice-colored bangs, his blue nail polish shining against the sun. Chongyun had been waiting, craving the feeling of his hand, which was smooth. Whenever they were together, it was almost on natural instinct that he held his right pointer finger at Xingqiu’s wrist whenever the two would latch on to one another, where his pulse resounded deeply. He didn’t know why.
It was always at exactly one-hundred-and-two beats per minute. Why Chongyun had memorized this? He didn’t know either.
Back at their house, Xingqiu made the first move. A cool breath escaped his silk-flower like lips, sending a shiver down Chongyun’s spine. “May I?” He whispered, ever the courteous gentlemen. Chongyun made a small nod that could of gone unnoticed, but it didn’t, and suddenly Xingqiu’s lips were devouring his.
His heart was pounding, but in the first time in a while, it wasn’t because of his yang energy or his adrenaline. It was because of his pure love, his devotion to this boy. Xingqiu slipped a hand onto his chest, pushing back for a small breath before diving back in.
“D-does this mean we’re dating?” Chongyun had said breathlessly when they finally broke apart, both of them panting fast.
Xingqiu had just laughed.
Oh, Archons of Celestia, his laugh.
It rung like a tinker bell (no pun intended), and also had sort of a rasp. Every time, Xingqiu had to wipe away happy tears, and right then wasn’t an exception.
“Of course, you dumb*ss. I love you.”
—
Why this exact scene was running through his mind?
He didn’t know.
And right now, he was occupied with something else. Something else much more scary.
He was being asked on a date.
To go to their favorite spot, and watch as the sun rose at the new year. “There might even be fireworks!” Xingqiu had said excitedly, waving his hands around with a bright smile.
Of course, he couldn’t kill the mood, so he managed a polite smile. “Sounds… fun.”
“I know right?!” Xingqiu’s eyes were sparkling, like whenever he was hyperfocusing on something, whether it be a ship in one of his books or the plot. “Let’s even bring a picnic!”
Now, as Chongyun slipped on his jacket, he felt his hands begin to shake.
He hated loud noises.
He didn’t know why.
Gods, what did he know?
With a slow, deep breath to calm his rising yang energy, he finished buttoning his sweater, slipped on his shoes, grabbed a couple popsicles and stuck them in the small backpack he was bringing (full of food and a rose bouquet Hu-Tao had helped him pick out) and stepped out the door.
“There you are!” A familiar voice rung from across the street.
Oh.
Oh.
Xingqiu was wearing a dress.
Xingqiu was wearing a freaking dress.
It was blue, with little hydro, dark blue symbol imprints plastered all around, along with a small heart pin they both brought with them with a pride flag on top attached to his vision, which was limply hanging on the side. He was wearing a floppy yellow sun hat, which had a few Qixing attached to the rim.
Noticing Chongyun’s staring, Xingqiu smirked, moving his hat and shielding his eyes from the blinding sun as they gained eye contact. “I know. I look fabulous.”
“I-“
Immediately, as if he had teleported, Xingqiu was leaning into Chongyun’s flustered face, lips forming an adorable pout, complete with hands on his hips. “What, am I not allowed to crossdress once in a while?”
“N-no, it-it’s not that. Um, you look really good.”
Xingqiu giggled, the bottom of his dress swaying in the night’s wind. Chongyun could swear his heart was trying to escape his chest with the way it was pounding.
“Thanks, my darling~ C’mon. Let’s get hiking if we want to get to said floating platform in time for sunset.” Xingqiu taped his watch, and his face slightly fell. “It’s already 8. It’s going to take 3 hours to walk there.”
“A-alright,” Chongyun sighed as the two began to walk (almost run) down the roads of Liyue Harbor, ignoring the strange looks everyone gave them.
—
As the floating stones leading up to the platform began to appear, Chongyun could feel a dread slowly creeping into his veins.
Not here, not now. No. I’m supposed to be enjoying this.
He desperately pushed these feelings away, clawing at his chest, trying hard to remain calm as Xingqiu helped him up onto the platform.
Xingqiu inhaled slowly, exhaled, and smiled at Chongyun. Then, he dropped his backpack, taking out the pink sakura-patterned blanket the Yae Publishing House had sent in thanks for his written work, and putting his hat down next to it.
Yawning, he sat down, patting the spot next to him. With a sigh, Chongyun followed suit, taking out his own supplies and food and handing Xingqiu the bouquet without a word.
His shocked face that slowly turned flushed was priceless.
“I-I’m… Thank you! I didn’t know you were such a romantic.” Xingqiu teased, laughing breezily as Chongyun laid his head on his beloved’s shoulder.
He was in such a good mood.
Why did the noise have to ruin it?
With a gasp, Xingqiu pointed upwards. “Look, dear Chongyun! I told you there would be fireworks!”
Unfortunately, Chongyun was too busy trembling to enjoy the show, as the loud booms echoed in the sky.
They seemed to amplify a hundred times over in his ears, the only other noise being his pulse pounding in his ears and his blood rushing to his brain in an attempt to calm him down, which only gave him a headache.
It got worse with the delighted squeals of Xingqiu harmonized with the booming of the sky. He pushed himself away from him, hugging himself tightly.
A couple stubborn tears sprung at the lower half of Chongyun’s eyes. He sniffled, and wiped them away, snot dripping off his finger. He quickly wiped it off on the back of his pants, trying to muster a smile.
Xingqiu clapped with delight, obviously not aware of his boyfriend’s current position. “Oh look! That one looks like a fish! And that one is a dolphin! Oh, Chongyun-“ Xingqiu turned around, then frowned when he saw Chongyun in a fetal position, legs bent and his arms wrapping them, pushing them to his chest so he resembled a ball.
Xingqiu slowly walked over, bending down on one leg and caressing Chongyun’s tear streaked cheeks, like he had so long ago. “What’s wrong, love?”
Those three, simple words were all it took for Chongyun to break down. He bit his lip, which only added to the pain and didn’t even delay the inevitable.
Tears began falling again, running down Xingqiu’s hand and arm as they ran down his cheek. He wiped them away, but they had already invited company. Everything began spiraling, until the expanse of Chongyun’s surroundings was a black tunnel. The sound of the echoing fireworks only made this worse. Every noise was blurred into a static.
Strangely, one voice seemed to stand out.
“Dear, you need to breathe. You’re going to hyperventilate.”
“Chongyun, look at me.”
“I’m here. I’m alive. We’re both fine. I’m real. See?” Chongyun could feel his hand being moved to rest on what he thinks was Xingqiu’s chest. “You can feel my heart beating, right? My breathing?”
No. I feel like I’m dying.
Suddenly, the only sound left was Xingqiu’s voice, which was quietly humming a tune into his ear.
Slowly, he opened his eyes.
He was still at the platform, but fluffy, blue colored noise-canceling headphones were placed over his ear, Xingqiu hugging him tightly.
His breath and sobs caught in his throat. Xingqiu looked down at him sadly.
“Hey, Yun. Look at me,” Xingqiu commanded, bringing a gently hand to Chongyun’s chin and tilting it up.
“Look at me,” Chongyun parroted in a trance like voice, breath coming unnaturally fast.
“I need you to breathe.”
“I c-can’t-“
“I know you can do it. Breathe, Yun, deeply. In,” Xingqiu inhaled slowly, “and out,” with an exhale that could of revived the deceased adepti resting in the skies. “In, and out. You can do it, dearest. In, and out.”
“Is it alright that I’m touching you?” He asked with such tenderness, such… meaning. He continued to wipe tears as they fell down with the mischievous yet endearing smile that was his trademark.
A slight nod came from the grief stricken boy as he clutched his chest.
“Okay.” Xingqiu took his other hand, gently moved Chongyun’s hand away, and brought it to his chest, placing it firmly in the middle.
“Your heartbeat is way too fast,” Xingqiu said with a frown. It was true; Chongyun could feel it pounding against his chest, trying to escape in a rapid manner. Despite the earlier attempts to calm his breathing, it had already quickened again, Chongyun slightly gasping for air every few seconds.
Xingqiu brought his hand over to his cheek again, thumbing away any old droplets of water. “Would you like me to help you calm down?”
Another nod.
“Alright.” Xingqiu adjusted their position until Chongyun was laying in his lap, like he had so many times before. Chongyun felt Xingqiu’s breathing change until it was deep and slow.
“In, one, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Out, two, three, four.”
Xingqiu began to whisper in his ear, breathing in time to his commands.
He began playing with his beloved’s hair, twisting it around his finger, and then began to pepper his face with light kisses.
Slowly, Chongyun felt the tightness in his chest relax, the bliss of pure silence helping immensely.
Soon, he could almost smile a real smile, but the tightness in his chest remained.
“There you are,” Xingqiu whispered with a small smile.
Chongyun gulped. “I’m sorry. I-“
“No, I’m sorry. I knew you were very sensitive to loud noises but I still brought you here. I’m such a fool.” Xingqiu pinched his temples, then brought his hand to Chongyun’s back, drawing imaginary circles with such a slowness Chongyun could feel himself start to get sleepy. Xingqiu then pressed his forehead against his, and for a few moments, all their surroundings narrowed to be just the two of them. Chongyun could feel his yang energy rising again, but it was more like a small butterfly flutter resonating in his stomach.
Xingqiu laid his head on Chongyun’s chest again, and grinned. “Much better. Your heart is beating slowly again.”
He then shifted his position yet again to continue rubbing circles on the exorcists back.
“Would you like to go home?” He asked with a soft expression. Immediately, Chongyun shook his head, then turned red, picking at his nails.
“N-no. I’d like to stay like this, I-If you wouldn’t mind, of course,” Chongyun mumbled, flushing a dark crimson.
“Alright then.” Xingqiu smiled again, giggling a little and adjusting his pose so now they were laying down, Xingqiu’s head looking up from Chonyun’s chest and Chongyun staring at the sky along with him.
He began grinning when he realized could watch the fireworks without being scared, holding onto Xingqiu’s arms tightly.
“You are right. They are truly miraculous this year,” Chongyun said in a breathy tone.
“I agree,” Xingqiu said with a giggle.
Chongyun’s eyes were starting to get heavy, so he leaned against him. He could feel the tension in his shoulders start to dissipate as Xingqiu began to massage them, occasionally pressing a light kiss to the crown of his head behind his headphones.
Perhaps this event was planned by the archons, a scenario fated to happen. An exorcist and a bookworm, falling asleep in each other’s arms on New Year’s Eve.
Chongyun didn’t know.
But, perhaps, that was okay.