Work Text:
Day after "GlomTales!"
McDuck Manor. Louie in bed at night scrolling on his phone when a WhatsQuack notification appears
[PRIVATE NUMBER HAS ADDED YOU TO A CHAT]
PRIVATE NUMBER: Do you know how long it took me to find this number?
Louie Duck: Way to make yourself not sound like a creep. Who is this?
PRIVATE NUMBER: A well-wisher. I heard about what you did yesterday. Congratulations.
Louie Duck: Oh yeah? Well ty I guess, but you're not getting any handouts.
PRIVATE NUMBER: Apple doesn't fall far huh?
Louie Duck: Look, I don't know what your game is but I don't want any of it. Just lay off me, I know some dangerous people, you don't wanna get on the wrong side of me man.
PRIVATE NUMBER: Well that's a bit sexist now isn't it?
Louie Duck: Man, lady, kid, whatever. You're the one who's being all weird here, quit bugging me!
PRIVATE NUMBER: Good instinct, with that kind of alertness you'll go far in your new life.
Louie Duck: That's it, I'm deleting this convo and blocking ur number
PRIVATE NUMBER: NO WAIT PLEASE! 🙏
Louie Duck: Gimme one good reason. 😠
PRIVATE NUMBER has changed Louie Duck's username to sharpie
sharpie: Wait, Goldie!?
PRIVATE NUMBER: Got it in one kid. 😉
PRIVATE NUMBER has changed username to glitteringgoldie
glitteringgoldie: So I was trying a nice simple scam on Glomgold Industries earlier but there were lawyers swarming the place dragging old Glommie out of the building, he was having quite the tantrum, something about cursing something green? You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
sharpie: I thought you said you already know.
glitteringgoldie: I did, but I wanted to hear it from your own beak. Or fingers. A good teacher has to check up on her student's progress y'know.
…
sharpie: What student? I was just a means to an end for you.
glitteringgoldie: No, you were both.
glitteringgoldie: I'm not gonna beat around the bush kid, my main motivation in dragging you to that party was getting some loot, but damn it if I haven't had that much fun on a job in ages.
sharpie: It's easy to say you had fun if you got away with all the loot. So much for no beating around the bush.
glitteringgoldie: Look, if you want me to say it I'll say it. I'm sorry, okay?
sharpie: Yeah, you should be, but real convenient how you apologise now. After you heard about my big news. That party was like a month ago, you didn't feel guilty at all since then?
glitteringgoldie: I'm not gonna pretend like what I did wasn't horrible Sharpie, I accepted that's just who I am decades ago. But I warned you, your uncle warned you, you get too close to me and your pocket's getting picked.
sharpie: I just wanna know why tho. Pickpocketing Uncle Scrooge I get it, it's like your weird gross old people romance thing, but why me? I mean I don't care any more but we coulda been a team, we were working so good together.
glitteringgoldie: I'm Goldie O'Gilt.
sharpie: Yeah, hi. You get amnesia or something, I asked why.
glitteringgoldie: And that was your answer smartass. It's not just students who have learning to do you know.
sharpie: What the heck's that supposed to mean?
glitteringgoldie: Good at twisting answers out aren't you? If you must know it means I know what I'm like, but I'm still open to trying things a new way, if there's enough value in it.
sharpie: I knew it, you're just after my money... AGAIN! I don't know how Uncle Scrooge has put up with this for so long. 😠
glitteringgoldie: Believe me, he gets his money's worth. 💋
sharpie: 🤮
glitteringgoldie: Besides, I never outright said I'm looking for your money... yet. I'll let you enjoy it for a little while first bigshot. But in the meantime it's up to you to figure out an angle in what I said a minute ago.
sharpie: Oh, so I'm supposed to look for angles while you keep getting to ignore what's right in front of you?
sharpie: Well?
glitteringgoldie: I've always thought looking right in front of you WAS an angle, but I'll indulge you for a second. Might help if you told me what's supposed to be there.
sharpie: I dunno, I'm not you. But if you want me to give it to you straight, I was there. That's 1 thing I know for sure was right in front of you.
glitteringgoldie: No kidding. We hung out all day right?
sharpie: I'm being serious. I layed it on a bit thick when you trapped me but you are someone I looked up to, you were my hero.
sharpie: Then at the party, I really thought we were connecting, like someone actually got me and encouraged what I'm good at or something. I don't even get that in my own family most of the time, Mom's starting to come around but I still feel like I'm hanging on the outside of everything.
glitteringgoldie: Sharpie, I can only speak from how much I know Scroogie and what I've seen of you, but that family loves you, I'm sure of it. It's a family built on love, they just have a crappy way to show it, and that's coming from me.
sharpie: That's different.
sharpie: I know they care about me, it goes both ways, but it never feels like they SUPPORT me, like I've always gotta fit in with them and not the other way around.
sharpie: There was like one time where Uncle Scrooge said it was cool how I see the angles, and my brothers like it when I can plan out our pranks and stuff, but anything else and I'm just the lazy evil triplet
sharpie: I mean I'm totally fine with that stuff, but it shouldn't be all they see in me. U no what I mean?
glitteringgoldie: WOW. That is a LOT to unpack there kiddo.
sharpie: I mean I just pulled off my best scheme ever yesterday, to HELP THEM, and 10 mins later it's like it's just another Monday or something!
glitteringgoldie: Again, this is Scrooge McDuck's family. For you guys that IS a normal Monday.
sharpie: But that's not right right? I just beat a bunch of dangerous villains AND got all their money AND all Uncle Scrooge's money all in one hit. That at least deserves a well done dude or something right?
glitteringgoldie: You know you could be less obvious when you're fishing for a compliment Sharpie. 🎣
sharpie: Fine you caught me 😒. What did you think tho?
glitteringgoldie: I mean, you're the richest duck in the world now, no-one can argue with the results. But if I'm being honest, it sounds like it was a really well-executed scheme, you should be very proud of it if what I've heard is true. Guess I taught you well then. 💚😉
sharpie: Thx. That means like a lot coming from you, really 💛😒. Just wish my family saw it that way.
glitteringgoldie: Nuts to them then, if they can't appreciate it that's their loss. That's always been how I operate. Us con artists have always had to take satisfaction for ourselves, so just keep the whole richest duck topic away from them if they don't care, otherwise you just look needy. Let everyone get jealous. 😉
glitteringgoldie: But still don't go pushing away that family of yours if you love them like you say you do.
sharpie: Wasn't planning to, I'm just annoyed okay? But that other thing doesn't sound like a bad idea, if they wanna act like all this is no big deal then fine, I'll just b the richest duck in the world without em. And don't worry, I have plans to flex on them hardcore.
glitteringgoldie: Ignoring... whatever that means. Just at least tell me you got a picture of the old miser's face when you told him you were keeping his money. 😂
sharpie: ☹
glitteringgoldie: Was that his face, or is that just a no?
sharpie: He laughed at me.
glitteringgoldie: Sorry, he did WHAT?!
glitteringgoldie: I think you just cracked the old coot.
sharpie: He doesn't think I can do it, said he'll be waiting for me to hand his company back when I've 'had enough'. Which is never, btw
glitteringgoldie: Ooh, yeah, maybe he has a point there Sharpie.
sharpie: Whos side are you even on?!
glitteringgoldie: Sorry, that's just something I didn't think of right away. I usually just go after physical loot kiddo, forgot how sourdough's wealth has 'responsibility' attached to it.
sharpie: 🤷 how hard can it be? I'm the richest duck in the world! And I've also got Glomgold's assistant now, she can handle all the boring stuff.
glitteringgoldie: If you say so.
sharpie: What's that supposed 2 mean?
glitteringgoldie: Nothing. But keep in mind that you just took a rocket to Neverrest Sharpie, make sure you don't get a nosebleed up there.
sharpie: Rocket, really? You realize that's a pretty sore spot for me right?
glitteringgoldie: Crap, I'm sorry, really. It's just an expression, didn't mean it.
sharpie: Really? Make it up to me then.
glitteringgoldie: HOW?! You're literally worth more than anyone else in history now, what can I possibly offer that has any value?
sharpie: Change your handle. 😈
glitteringgoldie: My what now?
sharpie:🤦♂️Your username?
sharpie: You know what, just for that I've already decided. You're changing it to grandma.
sharpie: I'm waiting...
sharpie: Still waiting...
sharpie: Do I need to tell Uncle Donald about that time you locked me in a toy chest and stole my stuff?
sharpie: Well...?
glitteringgoldie has changed username to grandma
sharpie: Aaah, much better. How's it feel?
grandma: Like the prison sentence for child murder is looking pretty good right now.
sharpie: Aww, what's a grandma gonna do, kill me with cookies? 💀🍪
sharpie: Wait actually don't answer that 😗☠
grandma: 🤣
grandma: Smart boy.
sharpie: What's that Neverrest saying mean tho anyway?
grandma: It means you took a fast-track to the very top. You should be pleased for yourself, really, just on results it's probably one of the best cons of all-time. But because you got up there so fast you didn't see what's going to be trying to knock you off the mountain. Spoiler alert, I'm gonna be one of them.
sharpie: 🤨 Is that just another way of Uncle Scrooge giving his whole 'hard work' speech?
grandma: Oh god no. I am a strong advocate of smart work though. No matter where you are on the mountain you can't get caught slipping.
sharpie: Uh-huh, but remind me who's @ the top rn? 😏🗻👑🤑⬆️💎
grandma: Keep that up, the ego makes it even more delicious when I take you down.
sharpie: Hey, another chat just pinged, you wanna see the first thing I got with my new money?
grandma: I'm bored enough to say yes. Try me.
sharpie shared newswimshortsgreenone.jpg
grandma: Okay...
sharpie: 🩳😎 Pretty cool right? Know what they're made out of?
grandma: 😒 Emeralds, obviously.
sharpie: Well yeah, but how the heck did you know? These are the only pair on the PLANET! I got them custom-made from Gyro, literally today!
grandma: Well for starters I'm Goldie O'Gilt, you could stick some emeralds in a dung pile and I'd still know what it was.
grandma: And second, my bank account thanks you for that emerald money. 😏
sharpie: Wait what? YOU run the Souk of Sparkle site?
grandma: Of course, you think I just hoard all the treasure I find?
grandma: Okay I keep a lot but that doesn't keep the lights on. And unlike sourdough I actually work in the 21st century sometimes.
grandma: Also the idea of a souk is to HAGGLE, Sharpie, I play by full traditional Arabic rules on here so paying advertised price like that you must have more dollars than sense. I noticed you also have some rubies and sapphires on your wishlist if you wanted to go for round 2?
sharpie: I was just looking.
grandma: Something for your brothers, I'm assuming? 🔴🔵
sharpie: I don't know
sharpie: Maybe
sharpie: Like when I'm less mad at them or something, buzz off
grandma: Not a bad opening play.
sharpie: I'm being serious. I can buy this stuff whenever now.
grandma: Maybe, maybe not. Remember Neverrest, Sharpie. Another nugget of free advice - strike while the iron's hot. If there's something you want and you can afford it, go for it. I used to be terrible at this, I missed out on so many luxurious things and experiences that I could've easily paid for, but my indecision meant they sold out by the time I was ready.
sharpie: Kinda convenient how you're giving me these tips that you're hoping can make me buy something off you right?.
grandma: Well it certainly wouldn't be a bad side effect. 😉 But I do mean it, I don't dish out stupid advice kiddo, a smart person would take it.
sharpie: Doublespeak double-bluff huh?
grandma: Not everything has to be some kind of scam Sharpie. And yes, that may or may not be part of the bluff if I'm bluffing, if you want to stay on your toes...
sharpie: Actually I'm chilling in bed rn. 🙆
grandma: I meant metaphorically smartass.
sharpie: I know. 🙃
grandma: So you know, if you were looking to get the pink one a gift too I have a few options.
sharpie: Will you stop with the sales pitch already? Is this what richest duck life is gonna be like now?
grandma: Pretty much. More I think about it maybe I'm the lucky one slotting in at... somewhere lower on the Boarbes list. Not that they'd officially have me on there of course.
sharpie: Tax fraud?
grandma: A lady never tells. So, what, you don't like pinkie that much then?
sharpie: What?! Where did you get that idea? I like Webby loads, she's like a sister to me.
grandma: But not enough to buy her a present with your now endless supply of cash?
sharpie: I said like a sister. Huey & Dewey are my brothers. They've been there my whole life, that's not Webby's fault.
sharpie: & since when do you care about other ppl?
grandma: Watch it sharpie, you don't know know me anywhere as much as you think you do. That's what a little chat like this is for though right?
sharpie: I guess but you're making it kinda weird. I haven't even got my brothers a thing yet and you're on me to get Webby something too.
grandma: I just don't wanna see a girl get left behind, that's all. ♀️✊
sharpie: Yeah well, I wasn't even thinking like that okay? Getting Huey & Dewey the same thing I have is easy, I don't even have to ask Gyro to take their measurements.
grandma: Ah, I see.
grandma: You're too embarrassed to ask him to make a bikini.
grandma: That makes a lot more sense, forget I said anything. 😂
grandma: Sharpie?
grandma: Sharpie?
sharpie: Sorry, just had to go throw up.
grandma: That bad, huh?
sharpie: No, just like, have you even met Gyro b4? Even if it is embarrassing he'd just make it like a million times worse.
grandma: So you admit it is awkward for you? 😁
sharpie: Shut up. What's even the point in you saying all that? 😡
grandma: Best case I get another sale, worst case I get to embarass the richest duck in the world. 😉
sharpie: You didn't do that enough to the last one? 😡
grandma: New one's gotta be initiated right?
sharpie: Uh, no? How about a new tradition?
grandma: Too late, we've already started. Although I admit I never flustered Scroogie on the topic of girl's swimwear. So that's new I guess.
grandma: Women's swimwear on the other hand...
sharpie: 🤮
grandma: You know this would all be a lot less disgusting for you if the screen didn't say that 'grandma' was saying those things? Hint hint?
sharpie: Yeah, THAT'S the only thing making it gross 😒
sharpie: Trying to wiggle out of it already then huh? I thought u cared about me. 😿
grandma: Well I thought you said you looked up to me, I'd be a pretty crummy example if I wasn't trying to void this silly deal ASAP.
grandma: Sharpie?
sharpie: You have to be "auntieg" for a whole year and I want my idol back.
grandma: I'm flattered, but didn't your uncle ever tell you women aren't possessions?
sharpie: Not you, the gold head thingy you took from my room the day you came over?
sharpie: [MESSAGE DELETED]
grandma: Means a lot huh? Didn't have you down as the sentimental type kid. Well with that in mind I'll present my counter-offer: "scamauntist" for 2 years and I'll think about it with the idol.
sharpie: Okay, counter-counter-offer: "scamauntist" for 2 years, you think about giving back my idol, half off any price I ever agree on your website from now on, and a 10% cut of your next con.
grandma: 🤨 You're the richest duck in the world. Scratch the 10%, throw in a souvenir you think I might like from Scroogie's, sorry YOUR office at the bin, and you got yourself a deal.
sharpie: Yeah sure, I'm too tired, my permission is granted. 🤝
grandma has changed username to scamauntist
scamauntist: Now that, dear Sharpie, was some fine haggling.
scamauntist: At least until the end there.
sharpie: Glad to be of service, AUNT Goldie. 😼
scamauntist: I think this is the point where you go to sleep otherwise I come over to that mansion and PUT you to sleep. 🥊
sharpie: Really? Bc I can get Mrs Beakley guarding my door in like five minutes, especially if I tell her she'll get a round 2 vs you without the element of surprise?
scamauntist: Pinkie told you about that, huh? Go to bed, Sharpie. And you know what I mean before you try and get smart.
sharpie: Please? I'm not even tired, just stay on for 10 more mins?
scamauntist: You know I can screensave that message from a few lines up where you specifically said you are tired?
sharpie: You're bluffing, I nvr said thst
scamauntist: Okay either the lack of sleep has given you short-term memory loss or it's caused one of the sloppiest excuses for a scam I've ever seen. Whatever it is it's the same result. And you realize I'm not the person you need to be conning to stay up past your bedtime right?
sharpie: I'm the richest duck in the world, why would I need to con any1 now?
sharpie: Or need a bedtime?
scamauntist: You'd be surprised. G'night nosebleed.
sharpie: 😒 Fine. Night.
sharpie: Hey Aunt Goldie?
sharpie: Thx
scamauntist reacted to sharpie's message:👍
So yeah, hopefully fills in two gaps that were missing from the show, a) more Goldie & Louie content, and b) seriously, kid just went from zero to quadrillionaire in one move and no-one really cared. Not the worst feeling in the world but it still sucks, he deserved better.
Inspired by some other story on here that had the post-episode texting idea for those two, forgot the name but it's out there.
For the text speak, figured Goldie would be (mostly) formal and Louie would try to match that to impress her, fit his whole new 'richest duck' rep, and also he relies on predictive text because lazy, but gets sloppier the more relaxed/tired he is.
3 other text chat ideas in the maybe pile, Louie & Owlson from after Louie gives Scrooge his fortune back, Goldie & Louie from the same night, and Goldie & Louie post-finale talking about Doofus Drake (Goldie is a LOT less forgiving).