Work Text:
“One date,” Shego said. “That’s all I’m asking for. It’s not a big ask, Kim.”
“I don’t go on dates. That was the deal. No strings attached.”
Shego sat up in bed, looking down at her. Kim felt threatened by the height difference, so she sat up too. “I know. But I know you’re feeling this too. It’s not just sex.”
“Then we should stop.” Those words hurt; she didn’t want to stop being with Shego, but even the thought of a relationship scared her. It was one of the consequences of her parents’ divorce; they’d always been her ideal of what a couple should be, but so much of it had just been a show for her and her brothers. After learning the truth, she’d been lost, and it had been so hard to stay in a relationship. She’d broken up with Ron — who had fortunately taken it well — because she didn’t believe in happy endings anymore. She couldn’t. They weren’t real. It was better to keep everything casual, she told herself, so no one got hurt when it ended.
There had already been so much tension between her and Shego, so much banter and flirting and suggestion, and Kim had pushed harder, and Shego had pushed back, and they’d eventually ended up naked in a bed. The sex was, well, incredible. Shego was flexible, talented, and wore Kim out better than anyone, fulfilling fantasies that she hadn’t even known she’d had. But somewhere along the line, it had started to become a little more than sex. They cuddled after, and they talked. The first time Kim had woken up in Shego’s bed, she’d immediately fled the house. One morning, Kim had woken up in her own bed and Shego had been making breakfast in the kitchen, and Kim hadn’t asked her to leave.
She’d tried to write it off as a weird type of friendship, where most of the friendship involved sex. But sometimes, on the mornings when Shego was holding her, she’d started to feel something different. Something that scared her.
“You know I don’t go on dates.”
“Then what the hell are we doing?”
Kim shrugged. “Having sex? Talking? Being friends?”
“Look me in the eye and tell me you do any of this with your other hookups.” Kim glanced down at the bedspread. In reality, there hadn’t been anyone else recently. She’d tried with other people, but she kept imagining that she was with Shego instead. And when she was by herself, she could only picture Shego’s hands on her body. But back when she’d still been able to sleep with other people…she’d only fallen asleep a few times, and those had been accidents with hasty escapes in the morning. She hadn’t deliberately curled up with someone, intending to sleep with them, in their bed. She’d never expected anyone to still be there in the morning, and she’d never wanted it either.
Maybe she’d let this go on too long.
“I don’t. But—”
She was cut off when Shego kissed her. Shego’s hands curled in her hair, preventing her from escaping, but Kim wasn’t going anywhere. She rested her hands on Shego’s shoulders, and almost subconsciously started to lay back on the bed. This kiss felt different than their normal ones. It didn’t feel like a prelude to sex, or a way of saying goodbye in the morning. This kiss…it stood on its own. It was intense and passionate, and it felt like the entire world had paused, waiting for them to break apart. Kim couldn’t bring herself to stop, not until she was desperate for air.
Shego’s face was only inches above hers now. “Tell me you didn’t feel anything just now.”
She’d definitely let this go on too long.
“I need to go,” she whispered. Shego’s face fell, and Kim pretended that it didn’t hurt her chest. When she got home, she was crying. She wasn’t sure why.
Kim’s house smelled good when she got home from work. It smelled really good. Much better than it normally did, unless Ron was cooking for her. But Ron was still in Japan, and no one else had a key to her house. Curious and more than a little apprehensive, she walked to her kitchen…and found Shego. Cooking dinner. In her house.
Her table was already set, with empty plates and bowls and wine glasses. “What the hell is going on?”
Shego turned away from the stove, smirking. “A date.”
“I told you I don’t date.”
Shego checked on one of the pots, then sauntered over to Kim. “I know. But I remembered that I’m evil, and I don’t listen to heroes.”
“A date requires two people.”
“Then it’s a good thing that there are two people in this kitchen.”
“I already told you—” Shego silenced her with a kiss. It wasn’t quite as amazing as that last kiss in Shego’s house, but Kim still felt like the entire world was slowing down.
“We’re having a date. Now go get changed. And if you’re nice, you might even get to see what I’m wearing under my dress.”
“We could skip straight to that part.”
Shego didn’t even appear tempted by Kim’s seductive tone. “Not a chance, Cupcake. Dinner will be ready in ten.”
Kim was stunned by Shego’s presumptuousness. She was even more stunned by the fact that she went upstairs, put on a dress, and sat down for dinner. She shouldn’t have eaten, but she was hungry and the food was delicious.
“This isn’t a date,” she insisted. “This is two friends having dinner.”
“Why are you so against this, Kim?”
Kim shook her head. “You know why. I just…relationships don’t end well.” Her parents had seemed so perfect, and she’d wanted that. She’d wanted perfection and a loving partner, and it was all so pointless. It had been nothing more than a lie.
“Forget your parents,” Shego snapped. She reached across the table and took Kim’s hand. Kim immediately tried to pull away, but Shego didn’t let go. “Forget about them,” she repeated, softer this time. She squeezed Kim’s hand. “Is this okay?”
Kim opened her mouth to answer, but suddenly she was crying. Shego released her hand and was at her side in a second. “Kimmie, are you okay? I didn’t—”
Kim wasn’t sure why she kissed her. It just felt right. When she pulled away, she felt so young and so small. Scared. Forget your parents. She didn’t even know how to start. “Can you, um…” She couldn’t even look Shego in the eye. “Can you hold me for a little while?”
“Sure.”
Shego followed Kim to her bedroom and got in bed with her. They were both wearing clothes. It felt weird. Foreign. Even though she’d asked for this, Kim wanted to throw up. Then Shego moved closer and pulled Kim into her arms, and her entire body went tense. “We’ve cuddled before,” Shego murmured into her ear. “Just breathe.”
“Okay.” Kim tried to take Shego’s advice, tried to focus on her breathing. Tried to forget about her parents and focus on how right this felt. Being here, in her bed with Shego holding her…it felt perfect, and that terrified her. Things weren’t supposed to be perfect. Perfect was stupid, and it didn’t last.
This thing right now, between her and Shego, it wouldn’t work. It couldn’t last. But if it could…
Forget your parents. “Shego?” She didn’t get an answer, and after a moment, she realized that the other woman had fallen asleep. For some reason, that made something in her chest soften. “I love you,” she whispered. There it was, the truth that had been trapped inside her, all those mornings in bed. Now, it had escaped into the silence of her bedroom.
Shego shifted, pulling Kim closer in her sleep. Kim closed her eyes. “I love you.” She wanted this to last.