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Shego knew how Kim felt about rings and marriage and the word forever. She still remembered how nervous Kim had been at Ron’s wedding, how she’d spent the entire next day crying because she’d been so sure that her best friend was setting himself up to get hurt. She’d refused to talk to Shego all day, but that night, she’d shown up at Shego’s house and crawled into her bed, still without saying a word.
She remembered meeting Kim’s parents, one after the other. At Christmas, Kim’s father had threatened to shoot her into a black hole if she ever hurt his Kimmie-cub. At New Year’s, Kim’s mother had reminded her that neurosurgeons know a lot of ways to cause pain. Kim had glared at both of them, and had never once let go of Shego’s hand. To Shego, it had been a message: Kim was choosing her. Even when her parents talked about their divorce, even when things were messy, even when Kim wanted to run, she was choosing to stay with Shego. She was choosing to believe that relationships didn’t have to end in heartbreak. That, maybe, they didn’t have to end at all.
But even after six years of this, Shego still wasn’t sure if Kim was ready to talk about marriage. She’d never thought she would care about some stupid legal ceremony and a piece of paper with her name on it. But she’d also never thought she would feel like this about anyone, let alone Kim.
Now, for whatever reason, she wanted that stupid piece of paper, with her name next to Kim’s. She wanted to call Kim her wife. She wanted it more than she’d ever wanted anything, but she still didn’t know what Kim would say if she asked. It was one thing to say they would be different from her parents; it was another thing to take this step.
But for all her uncertainty, she was still out with Monique, looking at rings. “Are you sure you’ll find something to hold up with her missions?” Monique asked skeptically.
“She can wear it on a necklace for all I care.” Shego just wanted a physical symbol of their relationship. She wanted to be able to point to something and say, See? Kimmie is mine. She chose me. “If she says yes,” she added belatedly.
“Listen girl,” Monique gripped Shego’s shoulders, and the casual touch rattled her. “Kim is in love with you. No matter what, she’s not gonna say no. She may need more time, but it’s not gonna be a no.” Shego shrugged off Monique’s hands; she didn’t like being touched. Unless Kim was the one touching her, of course.
Maybe Monique had a point. After all, Kim had stayed with her for all these years, and Shego didn’t have a single doubt that her girlfriend loved her. But Monique probably hadn’t heard even half of what Kim had said about relationships and marriage. She didn’t know how much effort it had taken for Kim to take every single step. Their first anniversary had been nothing short of a disaster. Kim had insisted they still own separate houses for two years after moving in together. It was insane, sometimes, how hesitant Kim was. And because of that, it was even more special that she was still with Shego, and that she trusted the other woman not to leave.
But, in spite of everything, there was a definite possibility of Kim saying no.
“Let’s just look at rings, okay?” Shego said. “Find the perfect ring for her to say ‘not now.’”
Monique winced. “Yeah, doesn’t sound great when you say it like that. But DW, WFSP.”
“Can you say that again? In English.” Shego still wasn’t used to ‘Monique speak,’ as Kim called it.
“Don’t worry, we’ll find something perfect.”
“Yeah, we will.” Because Kim deserved nothing less.
Shego didn’t really get nervous. After everything she’d been through as a hero and a villain, there wasn’t much that scared her anymore. But the box in her pocket definitely scared her. She’d been carrying it around for two weeks now, but she wasn’t any closer to asking the question; she was worried that, if she pushed too hard, Kim would run.
“Hey, is everything okay?” her girlfriend asked, joining her on the couch. Kim tucked her feet up under her and leaned into Shego’s side. God, she was perfect, and Shego wanted to be with her forever.
“Yeah, I’m just thinking.”
“Ron says that can be dangerous.”
“Well, I never liked him anyway.” That wasn’t strictly true anymore; they’d agreed to tolerate each other for Kim’s sake. They both wanted Kim to be happy, and they were both a part of that happiness. And Shego genuinely liked his wife. After all, it couldn’t be easy to keep that man in line, but Yori somehow made it work.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Us.”
Kim’s body stiffened a bit, but she didn’t move away. That was progress, and Shego was so proud of her. “What about us?” Her voice was cautious, not panicked.
“Just…the future.”
Kim drew away this time. “Are you saying…” Oh shit, that had been the worst way to start this conversation. She was playing right into Kim’s insecurities.
“No, Kimmie, I’m not breaking up with you.”
“Oh. Okay.” And as much as Kim had made progress, she still sometimes thought this was too good to be true. Shego felt the same way, but unlike Kim, she didn’t think that meant it had to end.
Maybe talking about marriage would assuage some of those fears. “Actually…” Might as well say it. “I was thinking about getting married.”
“Oh. Like, to me?”
“I swear to god, you are the most insufferable woman I have ever met. Yes, to you. Who else would I be marrying?”
“Oh,” Kim repeated.
“You know what, fuck it.” If Shego was doing this, she was going all in. She slipped off the couch and dropped down onto one knee, pulling the box out of her pocket. She suddenly had a lot of respect for anyone who did this in public, because it was fucking terrifying with just the two of them. The other woman stared at her like she’d grown a couple extra heads, which was entirely possible considering how much time she spent with Drakken. But Kim hadn’t run out of the room, which was definitely as a good sign. Or at least, she hadn’t run out yet. There was always time for that.
“Kimmie— Look, I’m not good at speeches, okay? But I love you. I love every single thing about you, from the fact that you never sleep in on weekends to the fact that you can’t even use a microwave sometimes. Everything, good and bad. I know you need time to think about big decisions like this and I’m springing it on you, but I want this. It’s been six years, and I’m trying to say that I’m not going anywhere. When I’m talking about the future, I’m not talking about leaving. I’m talking about this, okay? I’m talking about something permanent because I fucking love you. So if you’re not ready, just tell me, but if you are…Kimmie, will you marry me?”
Kim just stared at her. Not at the ring she was holding, at her. Which was kind of a shame, because the ring was really nice. Custom made, a gold band with a ruby and an emerald and the word ‘forever’ engraved on the inside. Which Kim would see if she actually took the ring.
Instead, she stood up and walked out of the room. Shego really should’ve seen that coming.
She closed the box and set it down on the coffee table, burying her head in her hands. What the hell had she been thinking, springing it on Kim like that? Would this happen on their wedding day too? Would Kim run away, second-guessing everything all over again? Shego didn’t think she could handle that.
Why was she even thinking about a wedding day when Kim clearly wasn’t ready to have a wedding? She slipped the box back into her pocket. It felt heavier than it had before. She’d just laid everything out in front of Kim. And it had scared her away.
Shego got up and went to the kitchen. She could bake something. Baking always made her feel better. Maybe some cookies, she decided, since Kim loved oatmeal raisin cookies. They could be a peace offering, like ‘Sorry I dug up your trauma about your parents by proposing out of the blue, but here are some cookies to make up for it.’ Shego shook her head; she was so whipped, and she was so okay with it.
She’d just put the first batch of cookies in the oven when she heard Kim walk into the kitchen. “I’m making oatmeal raisin cookies,” she informed her, maybe unnecessarily.
“I’ve been thinking about the future too.”
Oh. That was definitely not what Shego had expected. “Thinking as in you want to get married? Break up?” Now she was starting to sound a bit like Kim.
“Maybe the first one.”
Shego turned around to face her. “Is that a maybe to the proposal?”
“No. It’s not.”
“I’m gonna need something a little clearer, Kim.” Because Kim apparently had a real answer, and Shego really needed to know if it was a yes or no.
“Then listen to me. I’ve been thinking about it and then you got down on your knee and— Did you mean everything you said? About something permanent?”
“Yeah. I know you don’t believe good things can be permanent, but can you try? Just once?” Shego walked over to Kim and rested one hand on her waist. “I need you to know I’m not going anywhere,” she murmured.
Kim looked into her eyes for a long time, and Shego didn’t move. She could barely even breathe. “Do you still have the ring with you?” Kim asked quietly.
“It’s in my pocket.”
“Are you okay with not getting married right away? Like being engaged for a couple years first?”
“Yeah.” Shego’s throat felt tight. She’d probably agree to just about anything, if it meant that Kim would say yes. “I told you, Princess, I’m not going anywhere.”
Kim started to reply— and the timer for the cookies went off. Shego walked over to the oven and yanked it open, frustrated. Kim giggled at her. Shego set the tray down and walked back over to her girlfriend. “You were saying?”
“Shouldn’t you put the next batch in?”
“Not yet.” She looked directly into Kim’s eyes again, and she didn’t hesitate. “Will you marry me?”
“Yes.”
Shego’s heart was pounding. “Yes?” she confirmed, just to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.
“Yes.”
“Let me just get the ring—” She reached into her pocket, fumbling for the box.
“Wait.” Kim put a hand on her arm to slow her. “I want to give a fancy speech too. Because I don’t know if you know how much you mean to me. You’ve put up with so much from me, and I just, I need you to know. You make me feel loved, in a way that I didn’t think was possible anymore. And you showed me that good things don’t always need to end. Sometimes they can just…stay good. And I think that things can stay good with us. Which is why—”
Shego couldn’t stop herself anymore; she pulled out the ring box and held it out towards Kim. “It was custom made,” she said. “I just wanted it to be perfect because—”
She stopped rambling as Kim threw her arms around her. “I love you,” Kim told her.
“I love you too.”
The younger woman pulled away, and Shego slid the ring onto her finger, smiling even though her hands were shaking. “No more running?” Shego asked.
“No more running,” Kim promised. And Shego knew that, right now, they both believed in forever.