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Kokichi frowned as he stared at Shuichi, his blue hair hiding a little slim portion of his face. There were the things Kokichi liked noticing about him, and the things he didn't. Shuichi was tired, it was evident in his features even if they were covered, he was exhausted from god knows what.
"Shuichi?" He asked quietly as he walked deeper inside their home after closing the door, sitting down next to the slumped posture of his boyfriend, "You 'kay?"
"Fine. Welcome home." Shuichi smiled at him, however didn't move from his slumped position, instead his eyes falling closed, "Just tired."
"Why don't you go to bed? Instead of taking up the whole couch." Kokichi sighed in fake exasperation, and yet even if he said it himself he cringed inside when Shuichi sat up with a worried look on his face, "S-Sorry!"
"I was kidding." Kokichi sighed, "What's up?"
Shuichi stared at him, his face blank and considering for a few seconds before he began slowly standing up from the couch, "It's nothing, I'll go lay in bed for a while."
Kokichi, despite the signal Shuichi was giving him, sat up from the couch and followed Shuichi down the hallway. Kokichi had just returned from work, and he expected to be able to cuddle his boyfriend, instead he was being slapped in the face with responsibility.
Shuichi must be worn down about something quite a lot to not even try talking it out, which worried him, because Shuichi was the only reason they did talk things out.
After a pathetic game of chase they entered the dark bedroom, Kokichi barely a foot or two behind the other. Shuichi sighed as he didn't even turn on the light before hobbling to the bed, which was still messy, "Is there something you'd like?"
Kokichi was a little worried to figure out what the issue was if it demanded such an aggressive question.
"What's wrong? I don't like secretive people, and I hate, hate, HATE liars." Kokichi complained half heartedly as he crossed his arms, standing in front of his boyfriend who was adjusting himself on the bed. It was weak, he simply crawled under the covers and wiggled.
"It has to be something bothering you."
Shuichi finally met his stare when the detective settled down with a blanket to his chest, "You aren't gonna like what I tell you."
"And? This is our relationship, not a me relationship. What is it?"
Shuichi frowned at him, his features still illumined from the light flooding in from the hallway. They didn't look good when they were tired. "It's about last night."
Kokichis lips went into a thin line.
"...Our argument?"
"Yeah."
"What's bothering you?" Kokichi asked hesitantly, "I thought we figured things out...?"
"...I'm sorry, we didn't." Shuichi frowned at him, a gentle downturn of his lips, "I really don't like it when you steal the blanket. I'm not over it."
"Shuichi...I do it in my sleep, I really can't help it." He frowned back, and Shuichi rolled his eyes, "Not with that attitude. You can't even stop disrespecting me in your sleep."
"Shu–"
"After all I've done for you, I can't even have half the blanket? My feet freeze you know." Shuichi said with a firm tone, "It's really uncomfortable. I'm gonna sleep on the couch."
"Just get another blanket."
"You steal that one too!" The detective shouted suddenly as Kokichi flinched, guilt covering his face, "I am going to sleep on the couch when it's bedtime. I can't sleep at night if I'm freezing."
"Babe it's the middle spring, you shouldn't be freezing." Kokichi huffed as he looked away, and Shuichi just got more aggravated at his response, "I get cold easily! We've been dating for god knows how long and yet YOU don't even have the compassion to leave your hard working boyfriend enough blanket for his toes."
"I'm a deep sleeper!" Kokichi cried as his arms flew to his sides, his stomach churning at his boyfriend's anger at him, "I'll try to stop but there's really nothing I can do!"
"There's nothing you can ever do." Shuichi groaned weakly as he whipped over in the bed to face his back to Kokichi in a stance of disrespect, "I'm done with this, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight."
"I'll be lonely!" Kokichi whined as he leaned over his boyfriend's laying body, "Don't leave me!"
"Too bad. Go away."
Kokichi giggled at the childishness, before his voice fell silent as he stared at the turned back of his boyfriend. There was something wrong with this.
He stared for a little while longer, memorizing the outline of him. His back was hunched more than usual, he was trying to conceal his chest more, his legs were probably curled up to his stomach and a hand was gripping the blanket that covered him. He was trying to hide, not sleep.
He wasn't good with this stuff, but after everything Shuichis done for him...Does he have to try? He figured he does, after all, Shuichi would have long gotten a response out of him by now.
"..Shuichi?" He asked again hesitantly, getting no reply as he went to the edge of the bed, slowly sitting down since there was enough space. His boyfriend always seemed to leave him enough space even if he was mad.
"Is there something that's actually bothering you?" Kokichi asked as he laid a hand on his bestfriends hip, well what he thinks is his hip at least, "You know I hate liars, you can tell me what's wrong."
Still he received no reply. Kokichi sighed softly, reaching a hand up to brush some of his own hair out of the way as he thought of the next course of action. He had no idea honestly, usually Shuichi told him everything, because he never really needed anything to begin with. What did he want, or need?
"..I don't know if it's about me, about work, or about someone else, but this is really out of character for you. You can tell me what's wrong later, if that would be better?"
There was a huff. At least he replied...but what did the huff even mean?
"Yes? No? I just wanna know how to help."
There was another huff, louder, and he wondered what it meant. Was he angry? Upset? Disappointed? He had no idea.
Shuichi eventually, and lazily, rolled back over on his other side, and his face looked worn again as they faced each other.
"It's my uncle." Shuichi finally admitted, his voice weak, "He's dying."
Kokichi's breath hiccuped in his throat before he finally took it in. Shuichi's Uncle was a huge part of his life...well, mostly half of his life in hindsight, that must really suck.
"..Aren't we all?"
"I mean, quickly. He's sick and they don't know what it is."
Kokichi frowned as he rubbed Shuichi's other hip. Sounds like just the thing Shuichi needed in his life, not.
"I'm sorry to hear that, it must be hard. I'm sure he'll get better, all unknown illnesses pass eventually."
"Yeah, it will if he dies." Shuichi grumbled under his breath, however he wasn't good at whispering.
"I'm just sad."
Kokichi swallowed. There was something off still, he wondered if Shuichi sucked at hiding it, or if he was even trying to hide it. Maybe he wasn't.
"That still wasn't what you're angry about, is it."
Shuichi glanced away without a word, but there was no crack in his expression, there was no change. He was completely and dead serious about whatever he was thinking.
"Is it about me?" He asked quietly, "I'm no good at this, I need you to talk to me."
Shuichi was completely frozen before he sighed heavily, his whole body moving and relaxing before tensing again. His eyes met Kokichis, and it left the leader breathless.
"You make me sad sometimes, Kokichi."
His eyes widened for a mere moment, "Huh?"
"You make me sad. Seeing what you do to yourself, what you do to others, it makes me sad. Angry, even." Shuichi mumbled, some of his words barely audible.
Kokichi's lips twitched as he tried to not interrupt.
"Seeing you how to live life, it makes me sad." He sighed, his eyes lowering to the bedsheets, like he was admitting to some dark, dirty secret that would ruin their relationship, "You have so much hatred and disgust for everything, I just wanna be good for you but it's hard when you seem so angry sometimes."
Kokichi stared at him. Shuichi didn't look broken, he looked tired. He was tired of having to put up with Kokichi's nonsense.
Shuichi was tired of him.
"I just...I don't know how to help you sometimes. Sometimes you don't want help. I know sometimes you get angry when I tell you I love you, and other times you'll kill someone to hear me say it." Shuichi's voice got a little louder, but not much, "Sometimes I don't know what to do. It makes me sad. I know you hate being alive, and I can't fault you, but seeing how you carry that with you every place you go makes me angry at myself and the world."
He shook his head, but Shuichi didn't bother.
"Seeing you alive anywhere other than my arms makes me exhausted and sickened. It's weird to say that, but it's honest, you look so angry anywhere that isn't our bed. I'm sorry Kokichi, it's tearing me down."
Kokichi attempted to breathe, and it was a horrible attempt, but it did the job. His throat was tight, constricting his own breathing, he felt like he was suffocating and Shuichi wasn't even looking at him.
"I...I don't know what to say." Kokichi murmured back, trying to be honest, "I don't know what to tell you. You make me happy, and you're maybe the only thing that makes me happy. Truly happy."
"I know. I wish I could keep you in bed forever."
"One day." Kokichi mumbled quietly, his hand moving to grab Shuichi's for a moment of mental support through the heavy topic, "I'm...Sorry I put you through that. I wish I could stop."
"Don't be." Shuichi sighed quietly, his eyes finally rising back up, "Maybe it's a bit selfish of me, I don't exactly want you to fake being happy. I love you whenever and wherever, okay?"
Kokichi blinked slowly.
"It's not selfish, it's probably normal to wish your boyfriend was happy. I wish I could be happy for you everywhere."
"Being happy when we're alone is enough. I shouldn't complain."
Kokichi, on impulse, leaned over and kissed Shuichi's forehead, brushing some loose hair out of his face. His boyfriend was always so pretty, that's one thing he liked noticing, he liked the way Shuichi's eyes were almost unchanging no matter whatever emotion he felt.
"Are you sure? I can try to work on stuff."
"It's fine, 'kichi." Shuichi smiled at him softly, "Just let me nap, wake me up and I'll make dinner."
Kokichi nodded despite himself and stood up from the bed, walking out to give his boyfriend some peace and quiet.
He closed the door behind himself as he exited, a gentle click to grant his boyfriend a while to cry, walking back down the hallway to their empty living room.
He wanted to vomit at the idea of Shuichi crying over him, but everyone needed to cry eventually.
One thing he hated noticing about Shuichi, was how his ability to lie has gotten better.
But that's a lie.
He walked into the kitchen to start preparing dinner, he'd make it tonight for the sake of his boyfriend. He needed to at least do something right, and surprising his boyfriend with food was maybe one of the ways to repay his debt.
One thing he truly hated noticing about Shuichi, was when he sugarcoated what he felt about him. Shuichi could be so angry with him, disgusted, on the verge of vomiting at the sight of him, and yet he smiled and kissed Kokichi like the world had never been ending. It was grounding, but it was also his least favorite kind of guilt tripping.
Which made him feel worse, because Shuichi would never seriously try to guilt trip him. Shuichi was all around the perfect boyfriend, he was understanding, he was caring, he did things no one else would for him. Shuichi wouldn't ever try to hurt him.
Deep down, he hated Shuichi so much for that. For being able to live like the world wasn't ending, he resented that, he wished he could be like that. He wished Shuichi acted like he was scum of the earth, just so he would feel less guilty about loving him, he would feel less like a huge asshole.
However, that was another half lie. He didn't know where he'd be if Shuichi didn't love him, probably nowhere, he would have made nothing of himself. At least he was given an opportunity.
He hated his contradicting feelings about his own boyfriend, but if his boyfriend wasn't quite tired of him yet, he'd lock them away until they could resurface for when it would hurt to think about them most. He would do whatever he could for Shuichi, if it was within his power, even if it meant getting rid of his own face entirely.
Shuichi couldn't be sad if he couldn't see that Kokichi was angry, right? Death would do it.
He dug through the cabinets. He wondered what they would eat tonight. Maybe spaghetti, Shuichi did like pasta. He likes that Shuichi likes pasta, because he likes pasta.