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It was a quite shittily kept secret that almost the entirety of the 212th had, at some point or another, taken to making jokes about its general’s testicles. It was a normal thing for young men to do when confined to the same people for weeks or even months on end. A joke here and there to keep spirits high(er) was needed, and where there were close people, there were inside jokes.
Specifically: the Kenobis.
Now, if you asked any of the 212th about the long-running Kenobis bit, you wouldn’t be able to get a definitive answer. Some would say that it came from a time its famed general got kicked in the testicles, others would joke that it was probably just a way to haze the shinies. Both of these are technically true.
Obi-Wan Kenobi, famed subject of the Kenobis bit, had heard the joke in passing, but when questioned, it seemed any trooper he came across was dead-set on convincing him that he had, in fact, misheard them. It was like it was a mass-gaslighting campaign. Even Cody had been in on it once, doggedly insisting that he had, in fact, said testicles when Obi-Wan was damn near certain he almost heard “Kenobis” roll right out of the man’s mouth.
Now, Obi-Wan bore witness to the aftermath of the first annual mass-Kenobis hazing.
“Twenty-Seven just today, sir,” Helix said, shaking his head. “Kicked in the Kenobis.”
“You mean testicles?”
“I said what I said.” Helix paused and looked up from his datapad. “Sir.
Obi-Wan blinked. So he wasn’t going crazy. They really were calling them Kenobis.
“Helix, may I ask you something?” Obi-Wan watched as two clones limped into the medbay, leaning on one another. The clone medic, who had gone back to his datapad, merely inclined his head with a quiet absentminded hum.
“Why…” he was at a loss for words. “What started this?”
Helix took a deep breath, closing his eyes as if he were bracing for something, or trying to find patience. He had once seen that same expression on Cody many-a-time for many varying reasons. Helix’s eyes opened, and he scratched at his eyebrow with his index finger in what was a signature tell that he was irritated.
“Hard to say, sir. My only comment on it is that the sex ed the longnecks give is… dismal at best, nonexistent at worse. Someone must have made a joke and enough of the vod’e genuinely believed it.”
“Yes, but why that ?”
“You are our general, sir.”
“I know for a fact that the five-oh-first does not use,” Obi-Wan sighed. “ Skywalkers in place of testicles, so--”
“No, they use Kenobis, too,” Helix interrupted, scowling. “Believe you me, Kix has bitched about it to me enough. Rolls right off the tongue is what they like to say.”
Obi-Wan could feel a tension headache come on. He could feel the pressure building up behind his forehead. Surely it couldn’t get worse than this. It couldn’t. He rubbed his forehead. Force forbid anyone in the council caught wind of this. It was bad enough that there was a chance Anakin had heard of this as well. The fact that his former padawan hadn’t been using this information for evil was a miracle in and of itself. Unless he was just saving it.
The wearist of sighs escaped him.