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Waking to birds chirping and a soft mattress was not the worst thing Merlin had ever done. In fact, it ranked pretty low on his list of worst things. Maybe number 547. Maybe 548. He couldn’t be sure yet, and numbers tended to change every day.
Anyway, the point was, he was comfortable and filled with joyous anticipation for the day ahead. That was until he looked in the mirror.
The first thing Merlin realised was that he didn’t have a mirror. The only people he knew with one were Arthur and Morgana, so the presence of this one in his room was rather distressing. The second thing he realised was that this was not his room. Far from it. It was large, well-lit with large windows and a four poster bed. It was very much not his tiny room at the back of Gaius’ chambers.
After realising it was not his room and there was a mirror in front of him, Merlin found the third and most upsetting aspect of his distress. The face staring incredulously back at him from the mirror was not his own. It wasn’t even a nice face. It was Uther Pendragon’s.
This really was very distressing.
Merlin didn’t usually make a habit of taking on the face of the man who was hell bent on murdering his kind. Perhaps he had got drunk the night before? But no, that wouldn’t explain why he was currently in the king’s chambers.
Gosh. He was in the king’s chambers. He’d never been there before.
He decided to take a break from wondering why he was currently Uther pendragon, instead deigning to peer around his room, admiring the rich tapestries on the wall, woven with red and gold silk as if to scream ‘look how rich I am!’. Merlin hummed as he inspected every corner of the room. Nice bed – nicer cover than Arthur’s. lovely ornate chair sitting in front of the desk which was piled high with paperwork.
Oh. That would be inconvenient. Never mind.
As he went around, it occurred to Merlin that he should probably find the whereabouts of the real Uther Pendragon, who was likely to be rather livid about the whole situation. Hopefully he was currently a spirit in some shadow realm, bodiless and therefore powerless. More likely however, and more annoyingly, he was in Merlin’s own body.
Merlin really hoped he could get there before Uther discovered magic. That would really not be good.
He could feel his own magic thrumming beneath Uther’s old wrinkled skin, not as powerful as it would normally be, but still more powerful than the average sorcerer. He lifted his hand experimentally.
“forbearnan.” He whispered, watching in awe as a small fire flickered to life in Uther’s hand.
This was unreal.
“leoc morla” all the torches in the room lit at once, roaring with the intensity of the fire.
This was… actually really fun.
He grinned. “Hoppath nu swycle swa ligfleogan!” the flames from the torches floated slowly up, rising into a circle and dancing up and down, mirroring the glee Merlin felt as he watched them and cackled. He was doing magic in Uther pendragon’s chambers, in Uther Pendragon’s body. This was absolutely incredible.
“Sire?” came a voice from outside. “Ss everything alright?”
Oops. Merlin quickly put out the fires. “Yep! Yes. Everything is fandabbydosy. Absolutely nothing going on. No body swaps, no magic, no nothing.”
“Are you sure sire?” the voice, who Merlin could now identify as Leon, said. “You seem flustered.”
“I’m fine, Leon. Go and train or something. Do something knighty.”
There were footsteps, and Merlin prayed that Leon had accepted that answer and moved on. Alas, he hardly had time to think that thought before the door was promptly slammed open and Leon was there with his sword drawn. He narrowed his eyes.
“Who are you?”
“Uh…” Merlin glanced around, hoping there would be an answer on the walls. “Uther?”
Leon growled. “You’re not the king. He doesn’t know my name.”
“Really?” Merlin’s brows raised in surprise. “That’s rough. You’re the first knight and he can’t be bothered to learn your name?”
The knight’s sword dropped to his side, and he frowned. “The king is busy.”
“And that’s an excuse to neglect his knights?”
“Well really we’re Arthur’s…”
“No.” Merlin insisted. “It’s not on. Someone should teach Uther some people skills. Then maybe he wouldn’t try to accuse someone of sorcery when they have emotions.”
“Look,” Leon said, shrugging his shoulders and sighing deeply. “I’m all for teaching the king how to interact and getting some better treatment from him, but I really do have to arrest you. You are impersonating a member of the royal family, you’re in the king’s private chambers without permission, and you’re almost certainly using magic. Sorry.”
“Now that’s just unfair! How do you know I’m using magic? Maybe I was just an innocent… baker… who woke up in the kings body? Or manservant. Yeah. I'm an innocent and rather handsome manservant.”
Leon the long suffering stopped. He frowned again. He leant forward.
“Merlin?” he said.
Merlin, who was absolutely not expecting Leon’s superb observational skills, leapt backwards and immediately denied knowing anyone called Merlin.
“Although,” he added as he was backed up against the wall, “I’m sure this Merlin is an absolutely amazing guy. Top notch. And very attractive.”
“It is you, isn’t it.” Leon muttered. “How on earth did you manage to do this, Merlin? And if you’re here, then where’s…”
At that very convenient moment, the door was banged open again. This time, a very, very attractive man came storming through, seeping handsomeness and awesomeness from every pore of his body.
“The king?” Leon finished as Merlin’s hand settled around the neck of Merlin’s current body.
“What have you done, boy?” the king growled. “Why am I in your hideous peasant body? Why is Gaius’ look of disappointment so harrowing?”
“Me?” exclaimed Merlin. “I didn’t do anything! I thought it was you!”
Uther in Merlin’s body glared, and it was extremely strange to see his own features twist into something quite so horrible. “Are you suggesting that I have used sorcery, boy?”
Merlin put his hands up. “Not at all.” He paused, pondering something for a second. “Although you should really learn to address your betters properly.”
“What?”
“You can’t just call the king of Camelot ‘boy’.” He pointed out. “you should learn a bit of respect.”
Uther spluttered and stammered as he searched for something to say. Leon, watching the whole affair and silently cheering Merlin on, noted that the king was having somewhat of a temper tantrum at the grand old age of fifty four.
“Anyway.” Merlin, as Uther, continued. “I’m off to change some laws. You should probably serve Arthur his breakfast – he’ll be getting annoyed, and he does like to throw things when I’m late.”
“But…”
“Bye!”
Leon sighed again and followed Merlin out of the door. Followed Uther? It was hard to keep track. Whatever the case, he wanted to see what Merlin would do.
That day was probably right up there on the best days of Merlin’s life list. He sauntered down the hall, curtseying to all the servants and humming a jolly tune to himself. He didn’t mind all the double takes he encountered on the way past – they were really very amusing.
When he went to supervise the knight’s training, he called all of them by name and told Arthur he was proud of him, which left the man gaping in shock. To Arthur’s side, Uther scowled and glared at him.
Later on, Merlin successfully told a few nobles to fuck off at the council meeting, and then rushed to help a certain helpless manservant as he choked.
Around lunch time, he decided he should probably cause a little more chaos for the fun of it, and so he started changing the colours of the Camelot banners and flicking the torches in the great hall on and off with his magic. Completely oblivious to the cries of ‘magic!’ ‘sorcery!’, he continued to put on a show and entertain timid children with magical butterflies.
It was a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon.
At one point, Gaius had requested an audience with the king, which Merlin graciously granted, and then immediately regretted as Gaius spent a good half hour telling him off and threatening to make him clean the leech tank when he was turned back.
Uther Pendragon was having a thoroughly miserable day. He’d woken up confused at the dingy peasantness of the room he was in, and then after getting a lecture from Gaius about some peasant matter and figuring out he was in the hideous body of some peasant serving boy, he had gone straight to his own chambers, planning on burning the boy as soon as possible.
What followed instead was a day of pure horror. He was forced to go to the kitchens and experience the horrific way the servants lived life. He had to use the servant’s corridor and staircases, and he was sure he stepped in a piece of excrement. It was simply disgusting.
To make matters worse, the boy had decided to spend his day flaunting Uther’s power and using evil sorcery to make evil butterflies for evil children. If Uther had known the boy was a sorcerer, he would have burned him years ago.
Now, in the mid afternoon, Uther followed his oblivious son to the great hall where the imposter king was making an announcement.
He gritted his teeth and moved to stand slightly behind Arthur as a good servant should, not that the boy usually bothered to.
“People of Camelot!” he began. “I have gathered you here to make an announcement. A very special announcement.”
Behind the imposter, the traitor knight… Lionel? Lion? Stood, beaming with pride. Huh. He would show him. As soon as he got his body back, Uther would have them both on the stake faster than you could say,
“Magic.”
What?
“I hereby declare magic legal in Camelot.” The serving boy said. “And here’s a demonstration!”
What?
“Why is no one saying anything?” he whispered frantically to Arthur, unable to bear it anymore. “He’s been using magic all day and now he’s legalised it. He’s obviously under a spell!”
His son, his beautiful, idiot of a son rolled his eyes and smiled. “I think it’s about time. I’m so proud of him for being able to show us who he truly is. Don’t you agree, Merlin?”
Uther would have answered, but the boy, Merlin apparently, chose that moment to announce that Arthur would be king from then, and Uther chose that moment to have a spontaneous screaming session.
Then Merlin called the dragon that was definitely dead, and Uther keeled over in horror. Would this nightmare never end?
In the end, Merlin and Gaius managed to find a way to switch them back, but Uther, so shaken by the ordeals he had suffered that day, decided to promptly retire to his country estate and live out his days cursing the unknown name of a servant boy, which was on the tip of his tongue. Melrin? Marvin? Uther never did remember Merlin’s name, and he died some years later still attempting to sentence the boy to death.
It was all very sad, and Arthur, now a mighty king with his very own court sorcerer, mourned his father for all of five minutes before turning back to his duties and forgetting the man had ever existed.
And so most of them lived happily ever after, except for Merlin when he lost everyone he ever cared about and had to live alone for thousands of years. But we don’t talk about that. As far as anyone is concerned, they all (with the exception of Uther) lived happily ever after until the end of time.