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“Dream,” Sapnap says, stumbling through the door. He’s slightly out of breath. “Dream, I just met the most beautiful person ever.”
Dream raises an eyebrow, not looking away from his PC. “Is this another hallucination situation?”
“What— No, jackass. We don’t talk about the smoke-induced hallucinations. I only set the shed on fire once and you never stopped talking about it. Get new material.”
“I mean, you were the one who brought the fire up.”
“That’s not what I— Anyway. I’m calm. I’m very calm. Dream, my botany partner is literally so cute. I’m going to die.”
“Is this another—”
“If you say ‘George situation’ I will literally set this house on fire. It’s not my fault you’re fucking smitten.”
Dream shrugs, but the corner of his mouth twitches. He closes out of Minecraft and spins around in his chair to face Sapnap, raising an eyebrow. “So … your new botany partner is cute, and you’re having a breakdown over it?”
“No.” Dream’s eyebrow retreats even further into his hairline. “Sort of. But he’s not just cute, Dream, just—look at this!” He fumbles for his phone. “He said we should take a selfie to commemorate the occasion because we’re starting a month-long project and then he said I was ridiculously photogenic.” Sapnap flops dramatically onto Dream’s unmade bed. “I’m literally going to die.”
“You already said that.”
“I’ll say it again. He’s just …” Sapnap muffles a groan into the bedspread, which smells like lavender, which tells him that George has been over recently and Ew, gross, what the fuck, he doesn’t want to think about that. “Just look at him.”
Dream leans over to peer at the photo on Sapnap’s phone. He tilts his head. “He’s definitely your type.”
“C’mon, man, you’ve gotta give me more than that.”
“He’s cute, I guess?”
“Quit being so loyal to George. You lost your puppy love rights after you dated for three months.”
Dream snorts. “He’s cute,” he repeats. “What’s his name?”
“Karl.”
“Magic?”
“Yeah. Plant magic, too—this project is supposed to, like, teach us teambuilding skills and help the botany kids learn to work as a team and I’m gonna spend an hour with him every day, Dream, I literally—I can’t.”
“I think you can,” Dream says. “You’re just being dramatic about it.”
“You’re paying for my funeral.”
“Sure.” Sapnap levels a halfhearted glare at him, and Dream snorts. He flicks his wrist and his pillow levitates up and flops onto Sapnap’s face. “Cheer up, man. You’re charismatic enough. Just ask him out.”
“I don’t even know if he likes guys,” Sapnap says mournfully.
Dream steals Sapnap’s phone from his hand, twitching two fingers until the phone clicks and unlocks—and those damn magic wards are supposed to be stronger than some seventeen-year-old from Koll City, but then, Dream’s always been a weirdo.
“Well,” Dream says, now peering at the selfie Sapnap took with Karl. (Which Sapnap doesn’t want to think about, thank you very much, because while Karl beams at the camera and makes a finger-heart, Sapnap is smiling with too many teeth and blushing like a furnace.) “Good news.”
“Hmm?”
“He’s got a rainbow patch on his hoodie, idiot.” Dream tosses the phone back at Sapnap, hitting him square in the stomach, and grins. “Ask him out.”
⸻⸻⸻
Easier said than done.
Sapnap has several problems. Problem one: Karl is, as he’s mentioned earlier, unfairly cute. Like, he has freckles. His eyes crinkle when he smiles. Sapnap can’t decide whether to be smitten or to hide in a locker.
Problem two: How, exactly, does one ask someone out?
Sapnap’s not really had much experience with that so far.
“Oh, Sapnap, hey!” Karl waves with a dirt-smudged palm, beaming at him as Sapnap steps into the greenery, and Sapnap clears his throat nervously. “I was just getting started pruning the flowers. Do you mind holding the container so I can store the clippings?”
“Er,” Sapnap says. “No, of course not—I mean, I don’t mind.” He clears his throat again. Fuck off, brain. “Where’s the container?”
“Right there, on the table.” Karl nods toward it; Sapnap’s eyes snap down to the container, and he fights the urge to throw himself out a window. (Or, like, through a wall, because greenhouse, but semantics.) “You okay? I mean, I don’t want to pry—you just seem off. Although I don’t really know about that either, ‘cause we just met— Sorry. I’ll shut up now.”
He’s blushing, the corner of his mouth tilted up, and Sapnap’s stomach flutters. There is no way that the gods actually, like, let this person exist. Maybe he has a dark secret? Maybe he’s secretly a vampire or something? That’s hot. No—
“No, uh, I’m—” Sapnap takes a breath. “Sorry. I’m good. Just tired, you know how it is.”
“Oh, yeah, I know.” Karl plucks up the shears again, leaning over the flowers, with a soft smile. “I can’t function without coffee in the morning, dude. I’m basically a zombie.”
Okay. Caffeine. This is common ground.
“Same.” Sapnap plucks up the container and holds it out; Karl deposits each clipping lovingly into the Tupperware. “It’s mostly Monster, though. My friend George works at the grocery store, so he hooks me up with discounts.” He considers it. “Although I’m pretty sure he’s also swindling me. He’s the type.”
“Oh, George? Like, astronomy-magic George?” Karl tilts his head. It’s unfairly adorable. “Yeah, he’s in my Bio class! Nice guy. Once the lecturer went on and on about sexual reproduction for no reason, and George leaned over and whispered, ‘Does he know about gay people?’”
Sapnap snorts. “Yeah, he’s the type.”
“Not my type,” Karl says easily, with a grin and those crinkly eyes, and then blinks. “Oh—hang on. Sorry. That joke’s usually reserved for people I’ve know longer than a day, I—well. This is a good introduction, then. I’m gay!”
He sets down the pliers to do jazz hands. Sapnap wonders why he always falls in love with adorable dumbasses.
“Hope you’re comfortable with that, ‘cause if not, well, this project won’t be fun.” It’s joking, but Sapnap senses the slight caution in his tone. He’s used the same tone himself.
“I mean, that would be awkward, considering that I’m gay too,” Sapnap says. He blinks. His face heats. “I mean—well, pansexual. Queer. Whatever you prefer.”
When he looks up, Karl is beaming. “That’s good,” he says. His ears turn red. “I mean—well. That’s good to hear.” He reaches out for a fist bump; Sapnap grins. “Well. I’ve just got to water this plant— Ugh, the hose is all the way across the campus. You can just wait here.”
“I’ll go with you,” Sapnap says, before he thinks better of it.
Karl grins. “Sounds good.” He retrieves the watering can from the corner and bumps open the door with his hip, tossing his head to get his hair out of his eyes. “Let’s go!”
⸻⸻⸻
Sapnap: dream
Sapnap: dream
Sapnap: dream
Dream: …
Sapnap: is it possible to brew a love potion
Dream: george can
Sapnap: is it illegal to brew love potions
Dream: yes
Sapnap: well is it imoral to brew love potions
Dream: i’m surprised you know that word
Dream: you spelled it wrong by the way
Sapnap: youre literally the worst person i know
Sapnap: anyway
Sapnap: Karl
Dream: can probably sense your crush from a mile away
Sapnap: is ridiculously adorable
Sapnap: oh fuck off
Sapnap: help meeeeee
Dream: what’s in it for me
Sapnap: absolutely nothing
Sapnap: and you went offline
Sapnap: my undying love and appreciation
Dream: what else
Sapnap: i’ll buy u and george a lovely candlelit dinner
Sapnap: just the 2 of u
Sapnap: shampain
Dream: i cannot put into words just how badly you spelled that
Dream: …okay i’ll help you
Sapnap: ur my best friend ever in the world
Dream: screenshotting that and posting it on facebook
Sapnap: so ur mom can see? loser
Dream: to show the world that you’re secretly a softie
Sapnap: i am NOT
Dream: uh-huh
Sapnap: u bastard
Sapnap: anyway
Sapnap: what r u going to do to help me
Dream: needly little gremlin
Dream: let me call George
⸻⸻⸻
“So.”
Sapnap shrieks and falls out of his chair.
George snorts, rolling his eyes, as he slips through Sapnap’s window. “I heard you needed help?”
“You are literally the worst person. Ever. In the history of the world.”
“Yeah, well, my boyfriend’s the best person ever, according to you, so it evens out.”
“I hate you.” George crouches beside Sapnap and pokes him in the forehead; Sapnap jolts as electricity runs down his spine. A moment later, he feels the corner of his mouth twitch. “Oh, fuck off,” he says, fighting a grin. “Quit it with the cheering-up spell.”
“No, I like you better when you’re nice to me.”
“I feel like it’s immoral to play with my emotions.”
“Mm-hm.”
“So, uh.” Sapnap pushes himself to a sitting position, throwing his legs out in front of him and leaning back on his hands. “Did you bring the super epic romance magic?”
George snorts. He roots around in his bag for a moment, eyebrows raised. “Let me just …” He pulls out a middle finger and, beaming, offers it to Sapnap. “I’ve got an idea, but you might not like it.”
Sapnap groans. “So I’m gonna hate it?”
“Probably.” George fishes around in his bag for real this time. “You remember how Dream and I got together?”
“Didn’t he ask you out in a Denny’s parking lot?”
“Exactly. If that worked out, you’ll do fine.”
“Gee, thanks. That really gives me a lot of confidence.”
George snorts and hands Sapnap a bag of candy hearts. “They’re charmed,” he says. “With messages. Good luck!”
And with that, he stands and clambers back out Sapnap’s window. “Dream!” he shouts down. “Catch me!”
Dream, who has apparently been standing on Sapnap’s lawn this whole time, catches a toppling George like it’s nothing and sets him gently on the ground.
“You’ll do great, Sapnap!” he says, giving him two thumbs-up.
Sapnap lovingly flips both of them off.
⸻⸻⸻
“Sapnap!” Karl turns around and beams as Sapnap steps through the greenhouse door. “You’re here early!”
“Uh,” Sapnap says. “Yeah.” He takes a deep breath. Quit being anxious. “I brought you some candy.”
“Oh, really?” Karl grins and takes the bag that Sapnap hands him. “Aww, these are the little candy hearts. For Valentine’s Day, I guess. I wonder what they say.”
George, if you’ve just written ‘nice ass’ on every single one of those hearts, I will hunt you down and strangle you.
Karl blinks down at the heart. He flushes suddenly; the pointed tips of his ears turn bright red. He coughs.
Shit.
“This says …” Karl looks up at Sapnap. “You’re really cute.”
Sapnap clears his throat. “I … uh. Yes. It does.”
“Is this some sort of prank?”
“No, it’s not—” Sapnap panics. “No, it’s not a prank! I promise, it’s— Well, I asked my friend George—wait, you know him—I asked him to help me ask you out because you’re really cute—shit, it says that on the candy heart—and I … I’m going to shut up now. Sorry. You don’t have to—I mean, no pressure—”
Karl makes a squeaking noise. “I … I mean …”
Why does God hate me? Sapnap wonders.
“This is actually really convenient, because I was trying to figure out how to ask you.” Karl is blushing furiously. He tucks a strand of hair behind his ear and beams. “So, uh, yes.”
God? Are you up there?
“We can get coffee?” Sapnap offers. “I know a great coffee shop over by the corner, if you want to …”
“Yeah,” Karl says. “That would be great.”
They smile awkwardly at each other for one, two, three more seconds, and then Karl ducks his head to look at the bag again. “These are sweet,” he says. “Well—literally, too, but also the phrases.”
He plucks another one from the bag. Sapnap’s heart skips a beat as Karl raises an eyebrow.
“Nice ass,” Karl reads, biting back a giggle.
Sapnap buries his face in his hands. “I’m literally going to kill George.”