Work Text:
There it was.
There...it...was...
The goal. The dream. The ideal and the vision. The thing that XD had been searching for all this time. There, in front of them. Just waiting. Watching. Begging them to come and do what they must, what all men, women, and variations thereof must do.
There, in front of them, bathed in golden glory, was a single banana.
A rotating banana, to be exact.
XD drew a hasty breath and readied themself. They approached it slowly, careful not to scare it off. It spun around in a slow, predictable in its silent yet titillating dance. Its...display.
They reached out and stopped before their fingers could meet the yellow peel.
"Banana...ro-ta-te..." They spoke softly, the words coming out in a slow, tense whisper. Their wings trembled as they leaned down closer.
"Bana-na "
"Rotate faster."
The banana did as it was told. It began to spin faster, gaining traction yet not moving from its stationary position between their fingers. Their breath shuttered as they increased the intensity of their words. The banana would rotate. And it would do so faster.
"Banana go."
"gu-OH!"
"Can you feel it?"
"Can you feEL it, ban eh en ah?!"
Faster and faster it went, spiraling further and further into the depths of madness.
"yES FEEL THE SP ED!"
"WE HAVE REACHED MAXIMUIN VELCOITY-"
tommy popped up next to them, concerned as to what the everloving lord prime FYCK his dad was doing in the kitchen accosting a magically spinning banana at 3 AM. He was tired. He just woke up from a nightmare and came to get some water and also probably some parental comfort. But now this was a thing he was dealing with...whatever the hell it was. He didn't know. He didn't need to know. He just needed to know if his Dad was going to turn out like his brother and go bonkers koo koo mega nutso crazy pants so he could emotionally prepare himself ahead of time. That's all.
He asked a simple question. "are you okay?"
XD surged, wings flared and halo bright with crimson rage. They bellowed out in anger at the question, the gall, the nerve.
"WHO ARE YOU TO ACCUSE ME?!"
Tommy just stared. Blinked. Stared some more, turned and went back to bed.