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It was finally that day of the year, towards which various people had mixed feelings.
It was finally February fourteenth, which means it was Valentine's Day.
Now seriously, so many people had such different reactions to the day finally rolling around. Most of the single ones were always complaining about how they had nobody to spend the day with. Some of them didn't care at all, dubbing the day as just a scam created by chocolate and gift companies to boost their sales.
On the other hand, people in relationships had varying celebrations too. Some didn't celebrate it at all, either too busy to or just not interested. Others were rather extravagant about celebrating the day, making sure to get presents and flowers for their partners. After that, going on fancier dates than usual on Valentine's Day was also the normal.
This year at least, for the Armed Detective Agency, the employees had work even on the special day. It was a Monday after all, and there were a few stagnant cases to look into, and paperwork from the last week to file away, preparing for the upcoming week.
Hence, when Monday morning rolled around, all of the agency employees were gathered in their offices, somewhat ready to get started on their work day. Unsurprisingly, none of them had any complaints of being required to work on Valentine's Day.
After all, none of them had romantic partners; to public knowledge, at least.
This came to be a topic of discussion during the morning round of tea at the office. Before getting started on work (read: before Kunikida yelled at everyone), they were all gathered around Ranpo and Yosano's adjacent desks. Haruno had been kind enough to bring them all tea, and the group was more than happy to sit and talk.
Yosano pointed out, "You guys know it's Valentine's Day today, right?"
Already having started on paperwork, Kunikida muttered furiously, "Oh, I know. It was rather unpleasant to take the subway today. There were couples everywhere."
Ranpo waved a hand in commentary, "Eh, leave them be. It's a special day after all."
Kyouka looked up, "Is Valentine's Day really that important?"
The doctor shrugged, "I mean, yeah. It's considered special for couples."
Kenji, who clearly hadn't known about the concept of this day, nodded in aggressive excitement, "City people are really so cool!"
Indulging him as always, Atsushi smiled at him kindly, "Oh, was it not a thing in your village?"
While the two of them continued their conversation, Yosano turned to the group once again, "So, have any of you actually celebrated Valentine's Day? What do people even do?"
Having decided that it was his time to shine, Dazai spoke up, "They go on dates and such. I celebrated last year."
All eyes in the room turned to him, interests piqued with this new revelation. Dazai being the only one out of them all to have celebrated a lovers' holiday? Wasn't it strange? In all honesty, Dazai seemed like the last person to celebrate such a day, or even a lover.
Yosano snorted at him, "Let me guess, it was with a random beauty you picked off the streets? And after the date, you asked her to commit a double suicide with you. Then she threw her wine at you, and left after calling you a hypocritical imbecile."
Atsushi murmured under his breath, suddenly wary, "Isn't that really specific..."
As expected, he was ignored as Dazai replied with a secretive grin, "We went out for dinner, and no, I didn't ask for a double suicide. Besides, my partner would never throw wine at me. Knives are okay, but wine is definitely not on the table."
Joining the conversation even after realising that it would be less than ideal, Kunikida said, "Why, are you scared of ruining your shirt or something?"
His smile growing by the second, "It's not that. My partner just really likes wine."
Faking a sympathetic expression, Yosano sighed, "You say that like you're still together. She already dumped you, kid. Move on already."
Before anybody could say anything, the doors to the office suddenly swivelled open, revealing the Agency president, somebody else standing behind him. This new person was clearly of short stature, considering they were completely hidden from view just by standing a little behind the president.
Fukuzawa nodded at his employees, "Good morning. Nakahara-kun is here to fetch a few records. Please cooperate with him."
The announcement of the mafia executive's presence received intense reactions almost instantly; even before the President had completely disappeared into his office. Considering the two factions were on a truce, there was no hostility detected. However, there still were a lot of interesting reactions.
As Chuuya strolled in towards the group of people, Kenji yelled at him excitedly, raving about how glad he was to see the gravity manipulator again. Ranpo greeted him as well, talking about hats or something of the sort.
After greeting everyone, Chuuya turned to the idealist, "Kunikida-kun, you have the report for the joint mission from last week, right? I can't fucking find it anywhere in my records."
Kunikida thought for a few seconds before successfully extracting a thin file from his drawers. Passing it on to the mafioso, he spoke, "This mission report, you mean?"
Chuuya quickly went through the file before nodding in satisfaction, "Ah, this is it! Thank you very much. Okay, I'll be on my way-"
He was cut off by his rival, "Eh?! Chuuya, you can't leave already~"
Gritting his teeth, Chuuya snapped at him, "The fuck do you want, shithead?"
It was incessantly amusing how Chuuya's way of speech changed completely when talking to Dazai. With Kunikida, he had just been so polite, thanking him for the proper paperwork. Meanwhile, now that Dazai had breathed around him a little too hard, he was already fired up and ready to go at a duel.
Dazai grinned, "Say Chuuya, did you know it's Valentine's Day today? We were just talking about how people might celebrate it."
Now that that the topic had been brought up, Yosano was suddenly curious about the dating history of mafia executives. If not detectives, did mafiosos at least have a decent enough romantic life? It was such a prevailing question!
The doctor questioned curiously, "Yeah. Do you celebrate Valentine's Day? Did you do something for it last year?"
Before he could answer however, Dazai laughed annoyingly, "Eh?! A chibi like him on a Valentine's date? Don't be silly, Yosano-sensei. That's impossible!"
He added a heartbeat later, "After all, Chuuya is too tiny to be seen by any potential partners."
Kicking the asshole detective in the shins, Chuuya glared at him, "You wanna die, asshole? Let's go right now; I'll put you out of your misery."
Dazai declared forlornly, "See, my ambitions have changed, Chuuya. My goal now is to commit a double suicide with a beautiful lady. Dying by your hands after such a decision; it'll be too embarrassing."
The mafioso scoffed, "Those bandages you wear are what's embarrassing, oi. I wouldn't wish the fate of being your suicide partner even on my worst enemy."
His rival gasped dramatically, "Eh?! But aren't I your worst enemy? Don't be mean, Chuuya; wish a happy double suicide for me already. Also, it's your hats that are tacky and embarrassing!"
Chuuya threw his knife at him at this point, "Whose hats are you calling tacky! You really wanna die that bad, huh?"
As expected, but also not by the other Agency members, Dazai dodged the knife effortlessly, "I don't see anybody else here wearing such a tacky hat. So it must be you, ne Chuuya?"
Chuuya huffed, kicking him again, "Shut the fuck you, you shitty piece of bandage."
Dazai turned his nose up at him as well, "Says you, shortie. When was the last time you saw the sun from down there?"
"Why you-!!"
"Eh, is Chuuya too dumb to come up with new insults?"
"Shut up, you useless fish."
"Chuuya is just a stupid slug anyway."
"Who're you calling a slug! You're the one who's a stinky mackerel."
"Ha, how immature of you!"
"Me?! I'm going to fucking you smack in the head with a fucking umbrella."
"Eh? Is Chuuya saying he can't reach my head without extra help?"
"You asshole! Get back here!"
Of course, this was followed by the sight of Chuuya chasing after Dazai, the two of them running around the Agency offices as the other employees there just stared at them. Some of them were too traumatised by experiencing Double Black interacting, whilst the others were having too much fun laughing at them. This definitely was free entertainment, after all.
Feeling a headache coming on, Kunikida was contemplating stopping the rival duo from causing more chaos, when suddenly, things went south out of nowhere. Something that looked like a paper butterfly fluttered in through the window.
For a few seconds, nothing happened as everyone stared at the thing, trying to figure out what it was. Then, it set off with a pop, smoke suddenly flooding the room. However, before panic could spread throughout the office, the smoke disappeared all at once.
While trying to comprehend the situation, everyone's eyes suddenly fell upon the one very interesting thing left behind by the butterfly smoke bomb. Strangely enough, Dazai and Chuuya were now toppled over on the floor together, limbs intertwining.
Both of them had bright pink, glowing strings tied to one of their wrists, and it was definitely a single string that was connecting them. Tied together for some reason, the two of were just sitting on the floor, collapsed against each other, and staring at each other in bewilderment.
Helping his partner up from the floor, Chuuya wrinkled his nose in obvious distaste, "Uh, what the fuck is going on?"
Trying to free himself from the pink string, Dazai yanked his hand away, "These won't come off!"
His partner glared at him at once, "Can you stop fucking yanking me? This is not a regular string; it obviously won't come out just like that."
Yosano inched closer to the duo, bending down to inspect the bright pink strings, "What is this thing anyway? And how did it get here?"
This time, Ranpo stepped forward, "You guys haven't heard of the pink strings of doom? There was a whole report on this ability last year."
Kunikida seemed to be the only one who knew what the genius was talking about. He nodded, "Ah, I remember about this ability. It hit Yokohama on a small scale last year, but it was still very troublesome."
Dazai asked somewhat impatiently, "Well? What does this ability do?"
Ranpo swept his arms open, "Let me, the great detective, explain. This ability user activates their ability on lovers' holidays such as Valentine's Day and Christmas. Nobody knows who they are exactly, but the ability is basically meant to tie couples together for a whole day. This way, they were sure to fight and end up hating each other, leading to a break up by the time their strings are broken."
Kunikida added, "Also, apparently only ability users can see those strings. As for regular civilians, the strings affect them emotionally, urging them to stay with their partners at all times. For ability users, the strings physically restrain them to each other."
Exhaling deeply, an obvious attempt to calm himself down, Chuuya spoke up, "So, what I'm hearing is, I'm tied to this shitty Dazai over here for a whole day. On a Monday. As in, on a work day."
Ranpo just tipped his hat, "Exactly so. I'm sure it won't be that bad."
Dazai huffed, "Being tied to a slug doesn't sound fun at all. What if I get infected with chibi germs?!"
Beside him, his partner kicked him, "Shut the fuck up, bastard. How am I supposed to get any work done with you fucking leeching onto my arm?"
Before the two of them could dive into another session of endless bickering, the doctor in the room brought everyone's attention to a very important detail.
Yosano pointed out, "Didn't Ranpo-san just say that this ability ties couples together? Are none of you going to question why Dazai is tied to the mafia executive."
Silence was quick to envelope the whole office instantly.
Apparently, none of them had realised that little fact. If Ranpo was right, and this ability affected couples only, exactly why were the two infamous rivals tied together? Wasn't this new situation really bad?
Kunikida froze when he finally realised the implications of this whole thing, "Oi, Yosano-sensei is right. This ability definitely affects couples only. So why are you two..."
It was very obvious that Yokohama's Deadliest Duo were having a silent conversation between themselves, by the way they were intently staring at each other. Their expressions did not change at all, betraying none of their emotions. Nevertheless, their eyes shifted quite often, and it was freakishly obvious that the pair were conversing.
Finally, Chuuya sighed aloud in resignation, "Whatever. So I have the misfortune of being tied to this bastard. What about it?"
Dazai repeated, "Being tied to a chibi doesn't sound fun at all."
Next to him, his partner scoffed, "You say that like you don't cling to me ninety percent of the time."
"Fufufu, Chuuya is using such big words. Are you compensating for your lack of height here?"
"Your brain is clearly close to being dead if you think 'percent' is a big word, idiot."
"Ehh, that's no way to talk to your loving spouse, Chuuya. People will think you don't love me at all, you know?"
For a second, Chuuya blushed just a little, before going back to maintaining his pissed-off face. He scoffed incredulously, "Well then, they'd be right! Who loves you, oi?"
Dazai frowned dramatically, "Eh?! Isn't this rude? You love me, of course!"
"Uh huh. Say that when you call me short again. Nobody loves someone who insults them, you know?"
As usual, the two of them were oblivious to the numerous headaches they were already causing everyone around them. Half of Dazai's co-workers looked rather scared for their lives, while the other half were either curious, amused, or a mixture of both.
Other than these reactions, Atsushi was the only one who was concerned. He hesitantly spoke, "Don't fight, guys! You're already affected by the ability. If you continue to fight, then..."
Chuuya actually laughed now, "Don't worry about that, kid. There's no way I can hate this fucker any more than I already do."
Wrapping an arm around his partner's shoulders, Dazai nodded in agreement, "Chuuya can't break up with me anyway. We'll be fine."
Yosano noted, "You two already seemed to be fighting, according to the aim of this ability. But then again, don't you guys just sound like you usually do?"
Chuuya grinned in response, "Exactly. I already hate him as much as possible. Besides, after having been annoyed by this bastard here for seven years continuously, my bullshit tolerance has spiked immensely."
Dazai hummed, looking at him with surprisingly gentle eyes, "That's mean, you know? You aren't supposed to call your husband an annoyance. Especially not on Valentine's Day, Chuuya!"
The mafioso rested his head against his partner's shoulder, "Shut up already. You're a fucking annoyance and you know it."
While Dazai huffed some more, Kunikida deadpanned aloud, "So, are we just not going to question this marriage?"
Ranpo brushed him off with a wave of his hand, "Nah, it was obvious anyway."
Yosano's fist landed on her other palm, "Yeah. Now that I think about it, they were really obvious. Fine line between love and hate and whatnot."
Interrupting his mentor's bickering session, Atsushi asked curiously, "Have you been married long, Dazai-san?"
The detective nodded, "I suppose so. It's been four years now."
Yosano nodded wisely, "That's long, especially for twenty two year olds like you guys."
Chuuya laughed, "Isn't it? It's already been way too long in my opinion. Anyway, shall we get out of here already? It's not like we'll be able to get anything done with our hands tied together."
The rest of the Agency members seemed to agree to that. Including Kunikida, even though he seemed a little reluctant to let Dazai go. Either way, after bidding their goodbyes, the duo took their leave from the Agency offices, walking out to the street together.
As they started walking towards their home, Chuuya scoffed, "You know, we just had a nice dinner on the agenda for today. Getting tied to you was not in the plan, damn it!"
Putting on an innocent expression, Dazai smiled, "Aren't you tied to me for life anyway?"
The mafioso ribbed him hard, "Shut the fuck with that disgusting bullshit. And that's different! Physically being attached to you sounds very unpleasant."
Because Dazai's sole purpose for existing was to be an annoyance to Chuuya, he just laughed, "It's fine, it's fine. It's just for a day anyway. It's not like we haven't been handcuffed together before."
The mafioso sighed, "That was on a stupid fucking mission like six years ago."
Dazai nodded wisely, "Ah yes, I was closer to Chuuya's height back then. I've grown now, but Chuuya is still a little chibi."
Chuuya let out an exasperated sigh, "Shut the fuck up with that already! Anyway, what should we do now, oi?"
Pulling ahead, Dazai waved his free hand, "Go home and binge watch a whole season of Two Broke Girls or something. What else?"
Falling into step with him, Chuuya hummed thoughtfully, "You wanna watch that? Weren't we supposed to watch Black Clover though?"
Dazai looked surprised for a second, "Oh, I forgot about that. Yeah, let's do that."
Chuuya grinned, "Sounds like a plan. Say, what about the Valentine's Day dinner though?"
His partner brushed him off, "Fuck that. Unless Chuuya wants to go?"
The mafioso insisted, "The restaurant I made a reservation at has a five page long wine menu. We have to go; they have long waiting lists you know?"
Dazai rolled his eyes before cracking a grin as well, "Fine, fine."
Chuuya offered him a fond smile as the two of them kept walking, hands joined together by a pink string still.
A few seconds later, Dazai suddenly spoke up to declare, "Being tied to a tiny chibi still doesn't sound fun at all."
Chuuya sighed in annoyance, "Oh my god. Shut the fuck up before I go to that dinner by myself."
Dazai just laughed, knowing fully well that Chuuya's words held no weight at all, considering he didn't enjoy going to meals by himself. It was only fun if Dazai was there to annoy him, as very eloquently put by the wine connoisseur himself.
Besides, Valentine's Day dates were kind of overrated anyway.