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Clink. “Thank you for completing your commissions. Here are your rewards,” Katheryne said in her monotone, handing Chongyun a small bag of Mora and two small flowers that supposedly increased his visions power.
“Thank you very much,” Chongyun said as politely as he could, bowing and taking the cash, then frowned and set it down when he thought of something. He ran up to where the gate that separated the stairs from the top stone area the Adventurers Guild building was situated on. The only thing he could hear was the usual bustle of Liyue, bargaining about deals for food or debts the Millileth had yet to pay back.
Chongyun felt his heart drop, almost immediately knowing what was wrong. Crap.
“Hey, you haven’t seen Xingqiu around, have you?” He mumbled, setting his elbow on top of the fence and resting his left hand under his chin.
Lan chimed in from behind him, making Chongyun slightly jump and turn around, claymore in between materializing and disappearing. He hid his hands as the weapon disappeared, laughing nervously. Lan raised an eyebrow, shrugged, and started to talk.
“The young master of the Feiyun Commerce Guild? Not today. He usually visits around here just to get some piece and quiet. We even used some of our budget to get a table in the back where he could read.” She jerked two times with her thumb over her shoulder at where Chongyun supposed the table was, and sighed.
“I’m a bit worried. If you see him, please do give him my regards.”
Chongyun nodded quickly, racing down the stairs so fast he almost tripped over his loose pants. He dusted his waist off, then continued, not stopping until he reached the Armanlothin apartment complex, where he and Xingqiu lived.
He slightly shivered when he entered the building through the automatic glass doors, the air conditioning extra strong.
“Excuse m-“ he coughed,” -me,” Chongyun said, running to the front receptionist office. It seemed there was a newbie at the station, as she was nervously studying the walls where the elevator directions were. She jumped when Chongyun began to ring the gold bell situated on the desk.
She turned around, bouncy hair and larger deer-like eyes staring back. A small pyro vision hung on the middle of her chest to a bow.
“H-hello. Um, my name is Amie. H-how can I-“
“Have you seen a boy with short blue hair and a hydro vision come down here?” Chongyun was still catching his breath, unknowingly interrupting the lady.
Amie frowned, adjusting her large brown glasses. “Not that I remember, no. Why? Is he important to you?”
“He’s my- you know what, I need to get to my apartment. Apologies f-for the inconvenience.”
“W-wait, where are you-“
Chongyun was already sprinting down the dark carpeted hallway directly across from the receptionist desk to get to the elevator.
If what he was almost one-hundred-percent sure that Xingqiu was experiencing was happening, he needed to get up as soon as possible before he fell even deeper into the abyss.
———————————————————————————
As soon as Chongyun stepped into their apartment, he knew something was wrong.
Clothes were thrown everywhere, the couch was littered with trash, and he could see (and winced) when he noticed one of their plates had fallen down from it’s spot on the top cabinet of their kitchen. One of the mirrors they had next to the mini fridge in the bottom left section of the room had been shattered too.
He took a deep breath, placing a hand on his chest, an attempt to calm his racing heart from all the running and the adrenaline. Once he was sure he was completely calm, he took off his shoes, cleaned up all the trash on the couch, and began to walk silently towards the back of the apartment, opposite of the kitchenette, where the bathroom door was closed (but apparently not locked) tightly.
“Xingqiu?” Chongyun whispered, knocking on the door. “It’s me.”
Nothing but whimpering came from the other side of the door.
Chongyun’s heart broke at the sound of Xingqiu’s suffering, and heard him mutter, “G-get the hell away from me. I don’t want to contaminate you too. I-I can handle this on my own.”
Chongyun’ s eyebrows furrowed even deeper, leaning his forehead against the doorframe. He attempted to push all sorrow out of his voice, trying to lay it thick with comfort. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
Not a peep came from the other side.
Chongyun swallowed thickly, walking into their shared room and opening his bedside drawer, pulling out the tool he had gotten specifically for these kind of episodes. Draping it around his shoulders, he snuck back to the bathroom, making sure to open the door with not as much as a squeak as he could.
Xingqiu was a disheveled mess. He was sitting in the empty bathtub, knee’s pulled against his chest as tears streamed down his silk-flower smooth cheeks. His hair was messy, and his hands were trembling so much Chongyun could barely catch a glimpse of them before they moved.
Quietly, Chongyun got into the bathtub across from him, grabbing his hands. Tentatively, Xingqiu looked up.
Chongyun fought the urge to gasp. He looks miserable. This is the worst episode he’s had yet.
“Hey,” Chongyun whispered, beginning to massage Xingqiu’s hands gently. In a blink, Chongyun felt Xingqiu squeeze even harder.
“P-please,” he gasped.
Chongyun understood. Unclipping his vision from his belt, he held it up in his hands until they were thoroughly cold. He took Xingqiu’s hands again, squeezing tightly.
“I-.. I-“ Xingqiu attempted to speak, but Chongyun held up a light finger to his lips with a sad smile. His other hand laid on Xingqiu’s chest, Xingqiu’s hand pressed against.
His breathing…and heart… It’s beating so fast.
“You don’t need to explain anything, bǎobèi. What matters is that we’re both here. You’re here, I’m here. We’re both sitting in a small bathtub in the apartment we share in Liyue Harbor. I just came back from commissions.”
“I-…m msorry…” Xingqiu gasped out, squeezing Chongyun’s hands even tighter. “Idonftknow what causedthis…” His speech was slurred.
“It doesn’t matter right now. We’re here. You are here. I am here. We are safe, my beloved. You are real.”
Slowly, Xingqiu brought his head up a bit, then winced and put it back down. “B-but what if we a-ren’t? We-we’re both fake. You-you don’t really care about me. I’m not even human, I’m a monster-“
Chongyun shushed him by putting two little black knobs connected to the bottom of the stethoscope in his ears. Xingqiu blinked out more tears.
“What are you doing…?” He asked in a quiet voice.
“You’ll see,” Chongyun whispered. “It’s a technique Kazuha taught me about. He has nightmares sometimes, so he learned it from Beidou.”
“Is it going to hurt me?”
“Not at all. Just focus on me, okay? Squeeze my hands as tight as you need.”
Reluctantly, Xingqiu reached his hands out again, his loud, shallow breathing seeming to echo off the corners of the tub. In one of Chongyun’s hands, both his fingers weakly squeezed each of his individual fingers, again and again, faster and faster and slower and slower. In the other hand, Chongyun took the round part of the tool, and pressed it to his chest, making sure the knobs stayed in Xingqiu’s ears.
“What do you hear?” He asked gently.
Xingqiu’s eyes shot up. “W-what…?”
“What do you hear?” Chongyun repeated, holding the object exactly where he knew his heart was beating.
“I-I don’t know…” Xingqiu looked pale again. “I-I must be dreaming. I’m-I’m not alive. You aren’t. Shit, why am I in a bathtub? This is all a simulation. I’m going to die tonight. I’m already dead. Yeah. I’m dreaming-“
“Listen,” Chongyun said in a sharp tone, not enough to scare the boy, but to get his attention . Xingqiu tried not to speak after that. To follow the boys directions.
“I-A-all I hear his static a-and a white noise,” Xingqiu whimpered again, covering his face with his hands and letting the knobs fall down from his ears. “I can-can’t do anything right.”
Chongyun just sighed, returning him to their previous position.
“Can you try to breathe a little slower? You’re going to pass out.”
“I-I don’t know… how… what I’m doing.” Xingqiu’s hands shook as he feebly attempted to take a deep breath, which just led to him coughing up more saliva. He looked back up at Chongyun, sniffing and wiping at his nose. “W-what?”
“Trust me on this one, okay?” Chongyun wiped a tear that had appeared under his eye.
“In, and out. I know you feel scared right now; I’m trying to help that. Okay? Hey, don’t look away from me.” Chongyun slid a hand below Xingqiu’s chin and gently moved it to face him again. “Do you still hear the white noise?”
Xingqiu shook his head. “I-It’s tuned down a bit.”
“Alright.” Chongyun put the knobs back in Xingqiu’s ears and pressed it to his chest again. “Do you hear anything now?”
“I-I think so,” Xingqiu gulped, blinking rapidly. “I-I don’t recognize the sound. Are you hurt?”
Chongyun fought the urge to sob aswell. Xingqiu was ever the courteous gentlemen, even at his most vulnerable moments. “No. It’s my heartbeat.”
“H-heartbeat? I-I feel like I know what that is… I can’t remember…”
“You have one too. We all have one. I just need you to focus on it for now. Maybe try to tap it out or count it in your head. Can you do that for me?”
Xingqiu blinked, nodded, and the rest of the white noise dispersed. All that was left was a slow, steady, ba-bum, ba-bum, echoing loudly in his ears. He let out a slight gasp, but the beat continued, slightly picking up it’s pace at times and then returning to the steady rhythm.
One everlasting thing. Something that could… ground him.
Slowly, Chongyun could see Xingqiu’s pale face fill with some color again; could almost physically see him being pulled from the abyss back into the world. After about a millennia (or at least it felt like it) Xingqiu could finally look him in the eyes again. They looked glossy.
“U-uhm…” He looked away again, flustered, nervous. “I’m sor-“
“Don’t you dare apologize,” Chongyun said in a menacing tone, and Xingqiu shut up. “It’s not your fault your stupid brain decided to bully you. We don’t have to talk about what you think caused this. It could of been a bad day, or maybe you were just tired… I’m just so glad you’re okay.”
“I’m…” Xingqiu looked away, hands still trembling. Chongyun took the stethoscope out of his ears, placing it in between his arm and body. He squeezed Xingqiu’s hands tightly again.
“C’mon. Let’s go into the bedroom. Can you stand up?” Chongyuun said as he began to get out of the bathtub, then freezing when he saw how Xingqiu was still in a fetal position, his attempts at getting up futile.
Silently, Xingqiu shook his head. His breathing was still coming in short gasps. He clutched his chest, licking his lips.
“Can I carry you?” Chongyun bent down on one knee, moving a piece of hair out of his face.
Another quiet nod. Chongyun internally noted that his entire body was shaking, not just his hands.
“Okay. When we get there, what would you like me to do?”
Xingqiu pointed to Chongyun’s hands, then his waist, then flushed and shook his head at the slight innuendo. He pressed down on Chongyun’s hands at the body of the tub.
“Pressure?”
A nod.
“Do you want me to lay on top of you?”
Tears started to sprout again.
“Whoa, whoa! Hey!” Chongyun laughed nervously, wiping them away. “It’s okay, it’s okay! I’m here. You’re here. Oh m-my love, your hands are shaking so badly. Did you take your meds this morning?”
“I…-“ Xingqiu looked away, biting his lip. “I- forgot too…”
“H-hey, it’s fine. You can take them tommorow. Is there anything I can do in the meantime to help?”
“C-can you use the tool again?”
Chongyun whipped out the stethoscope from under his arms, this time placing the knobs in his ears and pushing it to Xingqiu’s chest. He winced. It’s still racing.
“Do you want to hear it too?” He whispered, taking the knobs out. “I don’t know if it’ll help, but maybe at least until we get somewhere comfier.”
“S-sure.”
“Try to take deep breaths until we get to the room, then I’ll lay on top of you, okay?”
With a huff, Chongyun picked Xingqiu up bridal-style. He put the stethoscope in Xingqiu’s ears again, and then placed the circular object on his heaving chest. He clung tightly to Chongyun’s waist.
Xingqiu’s breath caught in his throat. “I- I don’t believe…” He gulped, letting out a breathy laugh. “T-that’s m-my heart?”
”Yeah.”
“I-um… It’s… beating really… fast… wow…” He inhaled a sharp breath.
“I know.”
“I-it’s usually never this bad-“
”You were probably stressed. It might have caused a panic attack to combine with the episode. It’s just some unnecessary adrenaline that was triggered. It’ll go away soon, I promise.”
”M-my chest… it really hurts. I-.”
Chongyun’s expression softened. “It was really bad this time, huh?”
Silence.
“Okay, we’ll leave the talking for the morning. Does that sound okay? Squeeze again if it does.”
Chongyun felt tears sliding down his front. He took that as a yes.
Gently, he began rubbing Xingqiu’s back as he padded towards their bedroom in silence. Thank goodness it was clean, the pillows fluffed and ready for them both to collapse onto.
He quietly set Xingqiu down, and began to walk towards the bedside counter. He felt Xingqiu aggressively grab his sleeve.
“Oh, darling… I just need to put this back in, then I’m coming, okay?”
He saw a pout form on Xingqiu’s face as he nodded. With a slight chuckle, he put the stethoscope back in the counter, and climbed into the bed, moving until he was hovering right over Xingqiu. He slowly lowered down until he was completely laying over him, Xingqiu’s ear at his chest and Chongyun’s hair carpeting their faces.
He felt Xingqiu let out a deep sigh, as if he had been holding his breath the entire time. Chongyun tried not to shiver as he felt Xingqiu’s cold breath begin to blow onto his exposed neck.
Chongyun put his hands around Xingqiu’s back, holding him tightly.
“T-thank you,” He heard a murmur on the nape of his neck.
“Anytime, my dear. Get some sleep. I’ll be here the entire time.”
Slowly but surely, the tension in Xingqiu’s shoulders began to dissipate (with the help of Chongyun’s gentle hands massaging at them) until he was limp, breathing changing into a deep rhythm as his eyes fluttered until they were closed.
Chongyun caressed Xingqiu’s cheeks. He kissed his forehead, then came up with something.
“Hey, are you still awake?”
”Mm?”
“Could I kiss you on the lips?”
Xingqiu’s eyes slightly widened. He nodded and flopped back onto the pillow, looking at him straight in the eyes without twitching; with slight curiosity.
Moving his bangs away from his face, Chongyun took a sharp intake of breath before diving in, hands around his neck and savoring the taste of Xingqiu’s sweet, cherry lip balm. When he finally came up for air, he and Xingqiu were both gasping, completely red, and grinning. (it was more of a slight upturn of the mouth for Xingqiu, but it was progress!) They kissed once more, this one being longer and more passionate than the last. When they finally let go of each other, they were both panting deeply with rosy-crimson cheeks.
After they were finally done, Chongyun was giddy, feeling his yang energy begin to rise. He took another deep breath, smiled again, and started to massage Xingqiu’s temples, cheeks, and all the pressure points on his face until he was asleep again, a slight grin finally appearing again on his beautiful face.
“Sleep safely, my dear, as you are in my arms. I won’t let harm get in your way on this journey, for as long as I breathe, as I can live; to protect.”
Placing a gentle finger on the pulse-point of Xingqiu’s neck, and with one last soft smile, Chongyun fell asleep too, to the rhythm of the other’s heartbeat, which had finally slowed down. It was… quite addicting to listen too, he internally noted.
The moonlight shining in from the window allowing a nice breeze to brush their hair, playing with it as the sun finally set over the glimmering horizon.