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As the sun failed to blanket their acacia bed in warmth that morning, Chongyun immediately knew it would be a bad day.
“Bad day.” It was pathetic, really. It could mean so many things, and yet was as vague as the feelings he felt stirring inside his core, pulsating throughout his entire body. It’s too much. It’s too loud. He wasn’t sure what time it was; it could of been midnight, the afternoon, heck, even 3 am. His mind was too preoccupied to care.
It all started when he couldn’t find his vision the day before, thus leading to him having to use his claymore knowledge alone rather than the cyro that greatly helped calm him down during battles. He had found it under his pillow when he got back, but he was worn, tired, disastrously overwhelmed. Everything was getting to be too much.
Tentitavely, Chongyun attempted to sit up, then winced and laid back down. Nothing physically hurt, but it was like his soul was dragging him back, straitjacketing him to the furniture. And, although the bedspread was admittedly comfortable, today it felt hot, hot, suffocating, asphyxiating, It’s so loud, shit, am I having a panic episode? No, nothing’s wrong. Everything’s fine! I think? Damn it, stop thinking.
He once against attempted to sit up, then fell back down. His Adam’s apple began to bob, tears almost magically conjured from deep within his chest. His throat felt like it was slowly constricting his breathing, and as he dug his nails into his clenched palms, more red hot pain radiated from his chest. He keeled down, trying not to submit to his own body, but it was too much, too long, torturous, clawing at his mentality and urging him to jump out of his own body and escape.
Although Chongyun wasn’t deathly allergic to anything (other than tiny dogs, and deathly was sort of an exaggeration; they just scared him,) he imagined this was like a toned down, non-life-threatening version of the feeling of someone going into anaphylactic shock. He tried to throw the covers over his head. No! They feel too smooth! When he tried to get the covering off, he began to shiver. And every time he attempted to move away from the bed, he immediately fell back down.
He cocked his head towards the window behind the bed, where thunder and heavy rain was roaring, booming, as if it had a heartbeat and had just come back from a battle, adrenaline still running throughout its veins and pumping imaginary blood at an alarming pace. As if to confirm, thunder struck the window. Thank Celestia they had strong windows, and if they didn’t…
Chongyun squeezed his eyes shut, hoping it would help.
It just made the feeling worse.
An embarrassing sound came from his mouth, sounding like a mixture between a sob and a scream. Unfortunately, that was also when Mrs. Electro Archon had another of her mood swings, and another flash of lightning boomed against the window, this time lighting up the entire sky before the family landscape of grey clouds and wilting flowers appeared again.
Chongyun shivered again, breath unsteady. He could feel his cardiovascular organs begin to speed up to accompany the closed throat. Time for a torture party for our human! Yay!
I can’t move WHYISEVERYTHINGSOLOUDSHUTUPTHUNDERPLEASE oh my gods I’m going to die today-
“Chongyun?”
Hesitantly, he turned his head, using the last of the dignity he had in him. A familiar image of short cerulean hair parted to the side, blue nimble fingers, and a slight frown graced the panicking exorcist’s presence.
Xingqiu looked like he had just come out from a shower. His damp hair was in a wrapped towel, and he was bare-chested with blue shorts. He was unconsciously rubbing the back of his wet neck.
The towel got removed immediately, and Xingqiu began to slowly approach him, as if he was a scared bird.
“H-hey. Are you okay?”
Chongyun wouldn’t talk. He physically couldn’t. A low whimper resounded from deep within his exhausted lungs.
“Oh, honey…” Trying not to make a sound, he took off his slippers as he sat on the bed, staring at Chongyun’s flushed face. He put a hand on Chongyun’s forehead.
MOVE GET OFF OH ARCHONS IT FEELS TOO ROUGHSMOOTHGETOFFGETOFFGETOFF
He retracted it quickly at Chongyun’s grimace. “No contact for now. Got it.” He scooted closer until he was parallel to Chongyun’s waist, legs in a criss-cross applesauce style.
“Is there anything I can do?” He whispered so low, Chongyun’s ears had to strain to hear him, especially with all the ringing.
Chongyun gulped again. He wrung his hands, bit his pinky nail, looked anywhere but Xingqiu’s concerned, disappointment-wrought expression he wore on his face.
“Do you need DPT?” He asked softly. “I heard it helps. I can go get Xielan… she isn’t trained, but I’m sure we can get her to sit on you for a while…”
Xielan was their tabby cat they found the day before, in a box on the road right before the bridge that lead into Liyue Harbor. Of course, Xingqiu insisted they take her home.
She looked so hopeless! He said with a smile as Chongyun, still exhausted from the battles, simply gave a defeated sigh and a nod, not having the energy to return the grin.
Chongyun was sure he wore the same expression now. Hopeless.
He inhaled a sharp breath, grabbing onto Xingqiu’s wrist fervously. He blinked, turned his head sideways like a curious puppy, then face lit up with realization.
“Do you need me to change?”
Extremely slight shake of the head, which didn’t go unnoticed.
“Okay. Let me know if it gets to be too much for you.”
With a slight huff, Xingqiu moved until his legs bracketed Chongyun’s body. He slowly lowered down until his whole body weight was on top of the cyro boy, moving his head until it rested in the middle of his chest. He began rhythmically squeezing his hands, fingers roving over every little curve and dent his bones made. Chongyun felt his back pop as he got use to the weight, trembling hands roving over his back. He felt another beat echoing off of his chest with each intake of oxygen Xingqiu made, which seemed deliberately exaggerated.
He was still extremely sensitive to anything touching him, but this texture… It felt calming. Warm. Tepid enough to not cause any more discomfort, but also not algidity so that he would be shivering more.
He began to shake again, griping Xingqiu’s shoulders tighter. The chivalric prankster simply held him, slow, deep, chilly breaths dusting onto Chongyun’s exposed collarbone every second. Another sob erupted from Chongyun’s mouth, clawing it’s way up until he began coughing, saliva dripping off of his lips and phlegm continuously accumulating in his throat. He could feel his heart pounding in his ears, his hyperventilation, everything being too loud. The ringing of the lights, the sound of his fast breathing, Xingqiu’s pulse…
SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPLEAVEMEALONESTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP
And then, all at once, it ceased.
The ringing, the loudness, the bright lights.
Blearily, he looked up.
Oh.
Oh.
Xingqiu had not only turned off the lights completely, but had wrapped Chongyun in a weighted blanket, earmuffs covering the majority of his ears. He was staring at Chongyun with such intense eyes, he had to fight the urge to flinch back again.
“Hey,” Xingqiu whispered breathily, hand hovering over Chongyun’s cheek without touching it. It wasn’t until later that Chongyun realized a serene pool of water was being rhythmically washed against his cheeks with the simple flick of a wrist.
Chongyun’s throat began to seize up again, a few more tears slipping out. H-how do you-
I just do, Xingqiu’s soft smile seemed to say.
They stayed there for a while. Chongyun still didn’t feel normal (If what he was would be considered normal, anyways). His heart still unsteadily fluttered, and his breathing was coming in short gasps. Xingqiu simply stayed there, hand never wavering, gentle grin never fading. After about another minute, Chongyun felt movement slowly integrate itself back into his limbs. He fell forward, wincing when he heard the oooof that came from Xingqiu as he collapsed against his chest.
A slight chuckle came from the other boy.
“‘M sorry,” He muttered. “I’m… fine?” His voice wavered.
Xingqiu shook his head, sighing and looking his in the eyes with a raised eyebrow.
“Chongyun, you kept tossing and turning last night, didn’t want to get up, just had a really bad panic attack and you’re trying to convince me you’re okay?!”
Chongyun flinched and looked down, biting his lip. Xingqiu’s eyes widened, then softened as he took up his hands again, placing a finger on the pulse point of Chongyun’s wrist and rubbing comforting circle. “I’m sorry for raising my voice, my liege.”
“You need to stop apologizing so much. Everything is okay. Okay? You are not responsible for anyone’s happiness but your own, and the woes of the world do not need to fall on your shoulders without your consent.”
Those words were enough to make Chongyun start crying again. He wiped away the snot as he let out another sob, but he wasn’t exactly panic stricken anymore; at least, not as bad as the morning.
“Oh, my dear…” Xingqiu sighed, adjusting their position until his mouth was close to Chongyun’s right ear, where the earmuffs ended and his eardrum exposed.
“I have an idea. We have a pool in our backyard, and it happens to have a very nice hot tub 10 feet away that we could sit in for as long as you need. The heat may help. We don’t have to do it if you don’t feel like walking right now. We don’t have to do anything. I just want you to feel as comfortable as you can while this monster of a mental attack passes.”
Chongyun shook his head, then immediately regretted it when his head began to throb. He groaned, pinching his temples with shaky hands.
Xingqiu’s hand raised again instinctively, then faltered. This time, Chongyun let him hold him, his cheek nuzzled up against his face.
Xingqiu smiled, caressing his cheeks and brushing a piece of hair out of his eyes. He pressed a chaste kiss to Chongyun’s forehead, then another, and another.
“Can I?” He mumbled, gesturing to Chongyun’s shirt. Chongyun simply squeezed Xingqiu’s hand, as a way to say yes.
“Alright. Are you able to walk enough to change into a swimsuit? Or do you want to just wear your pajamas?” Xingqiu slowly removed Chongyun’s shirt, and when it was off he pressed a warm hand to his chest. Chongyun knew he could feel how fast his heart was pounding against it when he frowned, his other hand rubbing slow, rhythmic circles on his back.
Chongyun still felt cold inside, but the other’s presence slowly warmed him up. He squeezed another time.
With a slight huff, Xingqiu slowly got off the bed, grabbing Chongyun gently and holding him bridal-style against his chest. He slowly walked towards the automatic glass door that led to the pool at the end of the room. With a screech-we seriously need to get those doors serviced, remarked Xingqiu-they walked outside, the cool air shocking them both. Without any time to make another decision, Xingqiu lowered them both into the hot tub, Chongyun slightly shivering from the heat. Due to his condition, it couldn’t really be considered a “hot tub”, but it was warm enough to be comfortable and not trigger his positivity.
Chongyun felt air rush out of his lungs. For the second time that hour, he finally got a genuine deep breath.
“Can you hear my heartbeat?” Xingqiu whispered in Chongyun’s ear, making his face bloom into a crimson red again. He felt the slimy consistency of the warm water washing over his ears, so he had to adjust his position again (which, coincidentally, brought him away from Xingqiu’s shoulder and onto the middle of his chest.) Indeed, when he placed his ear on the side of Xingqiu’s chest, he could feel an… abnormally fast pulse, sounding as if his heart was trying to break through Xingqiu’s rib cage and escape, rapidly beating against it like knocking at a door. Xingqiu’s chest’s cadencing quickened. Normally, this would have been overwhelming, but it was strangely calming, hearing someone else’s heart racing and not just his own in his ears.
Chongyun nodded, breathless from listening to the noise alone.
“See what you do to me?” Xingqiu let out a breathy laugh, heart pounding even more wildly under Chongyun’s ear. It felt violent. His face was flushed aswell.
Chongyun shakily took Xingqiu’s hand, squeezing it weakly. Xingqiu smiled, took a slow breath, exhaled, then giggled again. “I-I like the feeling. It makes me giddy. I’ve come to love… the feeling of it racing, especially if I’m around you.” Xingqiu blew out another breath, heartbeat slightly slowing under Chongyun’s ear. “I’m a bit lightheaded though…”
“Do you need to get out of the hot tub?” Chongyun mumbled in concern.
Immediately, Xingqiu shook his head.
“O-Oh no! I’m fine, my liege. You’re the one I’m taking care of, not the other way around, okay? It’ll go away in a bit.” He squeezed Chongyun’s hands back lightly, resting his head on the exorcists fluffy blue hair. Indeed, after a few minutes, his heart had slowed to a normal pace.
Chongyun could feel sleepiness crawling up his throat as he involuntarily let out a yawn. Xingqiu giggled
“Go to sleep.” Xingqiu rubbed his forefingers on Chongyun’s forehead, right in between his eyebrows. “I’ll carry you in in a bit.”
“But-“
“No buts.”
Chongyun simply sighed. Okay, I’m not one to decline. He fell asleep almost immediately.
—
“I TOLD YOU THEY WERE GAY!!!!!!!” Xiangling yelped from behind a bush. She let out a Yelp as Yanfei toppled over her, tripping over Kuki and then Hu-Tao.
“YOU BITCHES OWE ME 100 BUCKS!!!!!”