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“What do you not understand Keith! I think my request for you stay A-fucking-live is pretty self-explanatory. The sentence includes the instructions!” Lance yelled, throwing his arms up exasperatingly. Tonight’s call is a bit more hostile than their others. If they're being honest with themselves; it's been building up to this since Keith officially left Voltron to join the Blade of Mamora.
Normally their calls are quiet, more intimate like everything they did that day was a secret for their ears only. The others don’t know that they talk some nights, it's hard to contact Keith as it is and Lance was not willing to share this time with them.
Tonight however, there was something different in the air. It was later than usual, probably, well at least according to the artificial moonlight the castle provides. Coran had set it up a while ago, but it never could live up to the real thing. It's pretty good for someone who's never seen Earth's moon though.
“No I understand, I don’t know if you cared to look around you for that past, I don’t know three fucking years, but this is a war, Lance” Keith grits his teeth gripping the arms of his chair so hard his knuckles turn white. “And unlike you guys, I’m actually out here doing something important. Not playing around on fucking ropes.” He glares into the camera cocking his head to the side as if asking for an explanation for their ‘unimportant’ behavior. Lance will never admit it but he agrees, honestly these shows felt ridiculous but they are important. Voltrons allies have skyrocketed. Not only does it spread the news of promised peace but it educates beings on the war and the importance of joining the fight.
Lance scoffed, “You have no right to reprimand us. You are not here, you don't get an opinion, Keith.” he spits out Keith's name as if it was an insult, “You would rather be out playing ‘self-sacrificing ninja’ than be here, with your family. Oh, but don’t worry, I totally get it, really, it’s so much easier to run away from your problems when you are fucking dead.” he sends a bitter smile at the camera, as if he just said a punchline to a sick joke. His hands rest calmly on his lap because he knows his lack of reaction pissed Keith off, but Keith can see the way his fingers twitch.
“Here we fucking go. You’d assume this is your favorite topic with how often you bring it up. This is war, Lance. Self-sacrifice is the only reason we have gotten this far. Countless lives have been lost for the sake of winning this war. I'm not going to ignore my duties as a soldier because it makes you upset. Not everything is about you, Lance.” Keith yells, sleeping crewmates be damned. Lance stands up pointing an acussing finger at Keiths image, “Oh my apologies ‘Team leader’, didn't know caring whether you lived or died was such an awful fucking thing. Let me take a step back for you oh so mighty Keith so I don’t step on your toes.” Lance can practically feel the heat of Keiths glare through the screen as he stands up as well.
With most of Keith's body now in frame, Lance can see he is still wearing his Blade Suit. The small glowing accents of purple cast an unflattering shadow on his face accentuating his anger. His hair is perfectly braided down his back, something Lance had taught him how to do. He almost smiles at the memory, almost.
Keith crosses his arms lifting one up to pinch the bridge of his nose, “I don’t know what you want from me Lance. We’ve talked about this over and over, my answer never changes. I’m going to do what I can to help win this war, if dying is the solution then that's fine. I've made my peace with it. So stop being a selfish fucking prick for once in your god damn life. This is war, you are not the only person affected.” Lance slams his hands down on the control panel, his eyes burned but he didn't even entertain the thought of crying. “Fine, go fucking die, be the ‘hero’ you so desperately need to be. God, this is so in character for you, insulting me because you don’t know how to handle yourself. Because you're scared. You are a coward and you are too afraid to admit it. Just like always, you’d rather shut everyone out than admit you are anything but ‘ the stoic mysterious fighter pilot Keith Kogane’. Fuck you Keith. Do us all a favor and don’t come back. It would really save us the heartbreak of your death if we hated you.”
Then silence. The two stare at each other for a while, chests heaving violently. If there's one thing that will always remain the same between the two men, it’s their inability to back down from a fight. Normally they would walk away and take some time to breathe and collect their thoughts before sitting down and talking. But there is nowhere for them to go this time, they are already too far away.
After what feels like hours Keith plops down in his chair leaning over to bury his face in his hands. His elbows dig painfully into his armor but he didn’t mind, it kept him grounded, reminded him he was alive. Lance stays standing, knees locked, he lets out a shaky breath leaning over the control panel staring at his hands, fingers spread across the flat surface, the only thing keeping him up.
No one speaks for a while, but the silence isn't as angry as it was a minute ago. It’s a sad silence, the type where with every passing second your heartaches grow rapidly, a painful silence with no words but so much to say.
The silence is broken by Keith, not with words but with a painful choked sob as if he's been crying this whole time but it finally became too hard to stay quiet. That's all it took for Lance to finally get feeling back in his legs, he drops into his chair painfully slamming onto the head of the chair. He doesn't move, instead, he keeps his head back staring absentmindedly at the roof, following the lines of blue light that decorate it.
They spend some time just crying. Somehow it hurts worse than the fighting. Apparently, he is not the only one who feels that way, because suddenly a painful wheeze ripped from Keith's throat. Lance's head snaps down to the screen, just the sight alone makes any lingering anger in Lance fade away; Keith's eyes are squeezed shut, both hands over his mouth leaning over to rest his forehead on his knees. Lance's heart squeezes brutally, he knows crying physically hurts for Keith, he tries so hard to keep quiet that it only comes out when it hurts.
Lance leans forward gripping the arms of his seat, “Keith, please breathe.” Keith shakes his head vigorously, Lance can hear his forehead hitting his armor. “Hey come on sweetheart you can do this, please breathe. Remember what we talked about?.” the half Galra nods his head slowly. “Good job, let's do it together okay Keith? Five seconds in, hold for Five, Five seconds out.” Lance’s hands shake but his voice stays steady.
Sometimes it’s hard to remember that before he was a trained soldier he was just a kid. Shot into space to fight a war he didn't know existed. Just a few months after his sixteenth birthday, he spent alone, in a shack in the desert because the only person he had in his life was ripped away from him. He grew up alone and even after all these years he still has a hard time understanding that people care for him.
He’s gotten better at recognizing the genuine concern in people's voices and actions. But the Blade doesn’t do ‘concern’, they have no regard for their own life, much less a socially inept 19 year old half-Galra. Lance can only imagine how isolated Keith has been.
There's no movie night where they cry over cheesy Alien plotlines or self-care nights where they learn how to braid hair. He got comfortable with a family he has always wanted only to have to push them away so it would be easier when they had to go back to being the war ridden kids. Keith would put his own life down to save Voltron because he loves them and doesn't know how else to keep them safe.
Sixteen year of neglect can't be fixed in three years.
It took a few minutes for Keith to finally calm down, his head was throbbing from the lack of air and crying. He took a few moments to himself before looking up at Lance who smiled softly though his concern was still apparent, “Hi Babe, i'm glad you are back.” His voice so full of love, Keith couldn't help the small smile that slipped onto his face, “Yeah, i'm back. Thank you.”
And for the upteenth time tonight they fall silent, collecting their thoughts. Keith took this opportunity to study Lance's face, his face red and puffy from crying, eyes were bloodshot, the frown on his face looked out of place. Keith's eyes meet Lance's before he breaks the silence, “Im sorry, you are right-” his eyes dart around the room nervously, “- i… I am scared. i dont wanna die.” his eyes meet Lances before he continues, “I thought it would make it less frightening if i just accepted it. But I don't want that, I miss you guys. I miss you. Lance, I wanna come home. But this is still war and sacrifices are necessary and unfortunately death is inevitable…I'd embrace it in a heartbeat if it meant you guys would be safe, so what if that’s my only option?”
Lance snickers alittle trying to hide it behind his hand. Keith raised an eyebrow, “Are you laughing right now, seriously Lance?” Lance dropped his hand exposing his bright smile. He rolled his eyes fondly, “Keith I love you with my whole soul but you are freaking yourself out over nothing. You won't have to make that sacrifice because, just like you, the rest of the team is also willing to make that sacrifice, and that's a double negative so I'm pretty sure that cancels it out.” Lance shrugged, “I thought I told you to leave the math to Pidge.” Keith added playfully. Lance stuck his tongue out at him before continuing, “I bet you ten Gac Pidge would back me up. Anyway, what I'm saying is, at the end of the day you are still our Keith, Voltron leader or Blade alike. Yeah, I may be upset because you are gone. But I'm not upset with you, I'm upset with the situation. We would never ask that of you just as you would not ask that of us. I mean come on, I took a bullet for you like one time-” “- twice.” ‘- two-ish times and you were on my ass for weeks. The point is Keith, there will be a life after this war and you don't have to worry if you will be able to come home because you will.” Lance smiles fondly at Keith which he returned, immediately regretting it as Lance continues, “I'm mostly sad because I don't get to see your cute butt.” he lays the back of his hand dramatically over his forehead leaning back
Keith scoffed, “Thats it, i’m leaving.” Lance whined, “Nooo Keithy you can’t leave me. We’re space husbands.” he said wiggling his naked ring finger in front of the camera. Keith snorted rolling his eyes, “That doesn’t count. There is no way I'm allowing our wedding to be officiated by a weird aura alien priest who we met in a creepy ass Alien bar. Besides Coran would be so upset if we let another weird alien marry us.” Lance thought about it for a second, “I guess that's a valid argument and I guessss I can wait till we get home. Only because I can't wait to see Veronica's face when I show up with ‘The Gerasons Famous Emo Fighter Pilot’ and plans to marry him. Seriously shes going to flip, especially with how grizzled you have become. I am one lucky lucky man.” he sighs fondly
Keith smiles crossing his arm and if he flexed a little bit thats no ones business, “I guess i’ll have start looking for rings.” lance beamed leaning closer to the camera, “Keith you could tie a piece grass around my finger and i’d cry and say yes. But i wouldn't be upset if you just so happen to find anything with a red crystal, I've been told I’ve look very good in red.” Lance wink. Keith gasped, “Lance, these are recorded.” He hissed. Lance shrugged nonchalantly, “I mean they know we fuck, don’t you Galra have that weird sent thing?” Keiths face felt like it was on fire, “No! Oh my fucking God, Pidge is rotting your brain. When you see them tell them I hate them.”
“Tell me yourself, Space cat.” Lance -who definitely let out a very manly yell- grasps his chest, “Quiznak Pidge, you scared the bejesus out of me.” he squawked. Pidge ignored him in favor of leaning way too close to the camera. Keith narrowed his eyes, “I hate you, stop plaguing my husband’s mind with your filthy lies.” Laughed leaning away from the camera to look at Lance who stared dreamily at Keith. Pidge rolled their eyes fondly at the two, “Don’t let your hubby lie to you. He definitely started the joke by asking if Galra is like an Omegaverse society.” Keith gasped looking at Lance, “What, it's a genuine question!? I’m a curious boy!! Just be glad I didn't ask Kolivan because I seriously considered it.” Lance shrugged noncommittally with a teasing smile .
Lance's smile falls looking back up to Keith with a serious expression, “Seriously though, Keith I love you so much, we all do. What I said earlier was unnecessary and vulgar. I didn't mean a word but that doesn't change what I said. But please understand we could never hate you, ever. You mean the world to us. No matter where you are in the universe you can always count on us to be here for you. We are your family. We are your home.”
Pidge nodded so vigorously that Lance hear their neck crack, “You can home a hundred years from now and we would still welcome you with open arms. But if you take that long I’ll sell your knife colection that you, stupidly by the way, left here.” Keith ignored the last bit for the sake of his sanity and smiles at Pidge, “Thank you guys, I know I haven't been the easiest to get ahold of. I'll talk to Kolivan and see what I can do.” Keith looks at Lance smiling sadly, “I know you didn’t mean it. You have a right to be upset, I mean, I basically told you I'd run straight into danger and that I didn’t care how’d it affect you. I told you that you were being selfish, but I was. This isn't just about just me, I'm not alone anymore. I have people who care about me now. I can’t promise you I won't get hurt. But I can promise I’ll aways try my hardest to get home. I love you ” Keiths eyes burn as he watches Lance wipe his wet eyes with the sleeve of his jacket, “I love you too Keith and that's all I ask for. I was promised a wedding so You better try your hardest.” Lance smiles sweetly at Keith who snorts fondly.
Theres a loud sniff from behind Lance. The three snap their eyes over to the sound to find the rest of the palidans and Coran standing a few feet away. Other than Hunk and Coran the group smiled silently as to not interrupt their conversation. Lance looks wide eyed at the group than back to Keith whos already looking at him with the same expression, “What time is it?” Shiro smirks and points to the clock on the wall above the screen, “6:00 am.” he says amused. Keith sighs, raising a hand to rub his forehead as if nursing a headache. Lance smirks and then shrugs, “I don’t see the problem. This isn’t the first time I've kept you up all night.” Everyone groaned, according to Allura even the mice. “Okay, okay, seriously Keith I love you get some sleep and kick some ass.” Keith smiles for what feels like the millionth time tonight, “I love you too.” Then the call cuts out.
Lance stands up and stretches walking over to his friends. Throwing an arm over Corans shoulder he smirks at him, “Coran, I have a request that I think you might like.”
Not too long after the call Keith gets a text;
Shiro: I lOvE yOu ToO
Keith: Die.