Work Text:
“Are you going out in that?”
Sabo looks up, and Ace is poking his head around the corner all dressed-up in his smartest hoodie and jeans, his idea of the perfect outfit for a date. Which is all fine anyway, for it’s not like they’re going anywhere fancy today.
“Why’re you asking me?”
Luffy pokes his head around the other corner, and he’s dressed the same way because hell would have frozen over if he ever willingly goes out in anything more than casual. “Aren’t you coming with us?”
Huh.
Sabo thinks his look of utter confusion must be bleeding out, and yet Ace and Luffy only look at him blankly. “You two…” he starts, so very slowly, “…are aware, that I am very single, right?”
“What’s the matter?” Ace says, and he has the nerve to look confused as well. “You two always came along on my dates before. Without permission the first time, might I add.”
“We,” Sabo says, “wanted to make sure Marco was the right guy for you.” There are a lot of layers to that statement, but they’ve had a huge argument about it already and everything’s turned out fine since.
“Yeah!”
“Even though I’m the oldest brother here,” Ace says. “But we’re getting off topic. What’s the difference between then and now?”
“The glaring difference is that I’m the only one who’s single this time. While before, half the group was single, if I were to go with this time, I’d be the only one single in a party of five.”
“Okay, skip the nerd talk.” Ace waves at nothing in particular. “That’s not a reason. You’re coming with us.”
“Do you not see the problem here?” Sabo asks, looking at him then Luffy, where his gaze lingers for longer because Ace can be stubborn as hell when he wants to.
“Nope,” Luffy says, then he grins, says, “You’re coming!” before disappearing again.
…He’s somehow also forgotten Luffy’s the same way.
“Five minutes,” are the only words Ace decides to grace him with before he disappears as well.
Sabo manages to get ready on time because he only has to change his sweatpants to his everyday pants and he doesn’t have pressure to be fully-dressed since Ace’s relationship with Marco has gone on for so long that he’s thinking the proposal’s any day now while Luffy’s boyfriend Zoro is a guy who’s as loyal as a dog and brains to match.
He’s squeezed in between Luffy and Zoro in the backseat because Luffy is an angel and doesn’t want to make him feel left out, even if it makes the situation even worse since it beats into him the sense that he’s interrupting something.
What the heck, it’s just these guys, I can just pretend it’s a friendly hangout.
“Come to my house tomorrow, yoi?” Marco whispers to Ace from the driver’s seat, like the whispering can even achieve its intended purpose since the car is so damn small.
“Yeah, we could do something then,” Ace says, and the tone of suggestion is impossible to miss even if he ripped out his ears beforehand.
Okay, never mind.
Luffy laughs. “See, Sabo? It’s not so bad!”
It actually fucking is!
Luffy, who’s probably the strongest empath in their trio, furrows his eyebrows and has leaned in to peck Sabo on the cheek before he knows it. “There! Now it’s like you’re doing the same thing.”
Sabo’s heart is melting. “Lu—”
“Hey, Zoro!” Luffy leans over to him. “You kiss Sabo on the cheek too!”
“Huh?!” Sabo says loudly.
“Are you out of your damn mind, no fucking way!” Zoro says, and he’s all shimmied against the door and Sabo can’t even blame him for it.
Then Luffy is all pouty and crossing his arms, and Sabo can’t even blame him either because his brother and boyfriend just rejected his idea so audibly. But he’s not going to comfort him this time, because he’s the reason the car ride is filled with awkward tension the rest of the way.
Although Ace and Marco seemingly feel none of it, the entitled bastards.
First stop’s at the amusement park, since Luffy specifically chose this date to be here first day at the grand opening of the newly-built rollercoaster. The new rollercoaster easily dwarfs the old one, and it’s easily the biggest Sabo’s seen in person. One of the major reasons for Sabo not wanting to come along on this date in the first place is because he’s been anticipating this, and it comes sadly at no surprise that the individual cars on each train are practically loveseats.
Everything’s a whirl of yelling and pushing since everyone in the city’s here with the same unique idea, and before he knows it, Sabo’s in between the two couples with another blond dude who’s amazingly even taller than Luffy’s grandfather.
“Fuffuffuffu, this is quite the advantageous position,” the blond mutters to himself, grinning in the direction of some random couple a train away.
Why the fuck does this guy laugh like he’s the main villain of a Disney movie, and why the fuck does he sound like he’s about to commit a crime.
“Zoro, you can see the hot dog stand from here!”
“I wonder how fast this thing’s gonna go.”
“Shishishishi! Mach 10 or go home!”
“Idiot, that speed’s only achievable for planes…”
“Hey, Ace, look this way, yoi.”
“Wha— The fuck, Marco! At least give a warning…!”
“It’s better candid, see, you’re not as awkward…”
On second thought, please keep talking, I’d much prefer death from actual murderer than death from supreme awkwardness.
“Sabo?” Ace is turning around with the camera now. “Luffy? Greenhead?”
“Who are you calling Greenhead!”
“Ready?” Ace lifts the camera to the air— “Cheese!”
Sabo adjusts the polaroid out of the sunlight, and in the photo, Marco has an arm around Ace, Luffy is kissing Zoro on the cheek, freaky blond guy is grinning at the camera, while Sabo himself is almost pressing himself into the side of the car with a painfully-fake grin.
“Well, this is the worst photo I’ve ever been in,” Sabo mumbles.
“Really?” Ace leans in. “It’s not so bad.” Leaning away again, he points towards a photo booth. “You could join Marco and I in there if you want to try for a better one.”
“Don’t try to beat the record!”
Ace is shaking his head, and he slaps a hand onto Sabo’s shoulder. “Come on, Sabo, you’re making a big deal out of this.”
“Am I though?”
“We’re all friends—”
“And boyfriends.”
“And us three are brothers.”
Sabo sighs. “This is a date. You’d be doing me a favour not inviting me.”
Ace whirls around to fully face him then with a serious expression. “And you gotta know that we’d never leave you out. Even if my time’s more divided now, you’ve still got space in there just as much as Luffy does, and you don’t have to be attached either to earn that.”
“Well,” Sabo says, scratching his cheek, “…yeah.” He shrugs, giving up. “I know that.” It’s almost embarrassing that Ace is the one who tells him this, and it feels like he only loses this one harder if he continues talking.
“Any awkwardness you feel is all in your head.”
Sabo mutters, “Yes, that is normally how that works.”
“Ace! Sabo!” Luffy runs up to them, and, with an adorable grin, hands out two cones with three scoops of ice cream each. “Brother Ice Cream!”
“Oh, my favourite!” Ace takes one with a sunny grin of his own. “Mint, too.”
“Zoro and Pineapple’s got the Outsider Ice Cream,” Luffy explains, handing Sabo the other one. “They’ve got only two scoops!”
“Stop calling me Pineapple,” comes Marco’s defeated protest in the distance.
“Pineapple!” Ace says without hesitation.
And then Sabo’s two brothers are repeating Pineapple like the parrots they are, and Sabo can only shake his head with a smile.
Sabo is sitting on a bench in the dimly-lit arcade, and he’s worn out after being dragged along with Luffy. It wasn’t exactly a terrible experience but it for sure wasn’t perfect.
Maybe Luffy doesn’t know this, but being the third wheel is only a smidgen better than being the fifth.
Theoretically, with how much attention the four of them are not paying him currently, Sabo could just sneak out and go home, maybe throw in a text on top of it. But Sabo’s not a coward and actually the bigger point here is that the day is more than halfway over anyway with the worst already being done and over with. There’s actually no point in backing out now—
“Oh, look at him, he’s third-wheeling someone, the poor couple…”
“I wonder who the unlucky couple is.”
The fuck! This is an arcade, not the fucking Eiffel Tower!
Sabo jams his carton of juice to his lips and aggressively drinks it for all of two seconds before Marco surprises him by walking over.
“Yo, what’s it like to be the fifth wheel, yoi?”
I should’ve torn your relationship apart.
“Keep your claws in, brother, it’s just a joke.”
Sabo relaxes his fingers and tries to pretend like he hasn’t been looking like he wanted to crush someone’s skull. “Why are you here? Did you leave Ace on his own?”
Marco gets the hidden message loud and clear. “He’s with Luffy, actually. Maybe we should be more worried about Zoro, considering his track record, yoi.”
Sabo sighs. “It’s alright, we’ll just have to check in at the information desk like we always do every time we bring him out. I swear, he’s even worse than Luffy, somehow.”
“Well, kudos to his swordsmanship, at the very least.”
“Is he really that good of a swordsman if he can still lose to my unarmed baby brother?”
Marco smiles wryly. “That’s just a testament to how strong your baby brother is, yoi. Anyway, I came over here to see if you want to test your mettle.”
Sabo regards him with suspicion. “In a game of…?”
“Dance Dance Revolution.”
“Wow, Marco, didn’t know you were so good at this!”
Sweat drips from Sabo’s forehead as his feet pound the ground to the timing of the arrows. There’s actually a bunch of people watching by this point, and a couple women blush and look away when he makes eye contact with them.
Marco’s smirking as well. “Same to you, yoi.”
Sabo’s beaten Marco in three games, but Marco’s won just as much. With all the people he’s challenged — Ace has two left feet, Luffy doesn’t even try, Koala soundly beats him, and he’s never lost against Betty — Marco’s the only one who’s ever come close to being his match, and Sabo wants to win.
“Ahh… is it just me, or is the sexual tension rising in here?!”
“They’re going through the enemies to lovers arc…!”
What the actual fuck!
Sabo slams the ground one final time, uncaring that he misses the final few arrows, and there’s no more sound coming from Marco’s direction either. Sabo surveys the area, intending on finding out just who ruined everything—
“What’s with this crowd?” Ace is pushing through them as they run away, and then he spots Sabo and Marco. “Hey! Uh… Code Straw! Code Straw!”
Code Straw: Luffy just caused a shitton of trouble.
“Blue or Red?” Sabo asks as he hurries over with Marco right behind him, anger evaporating quickly to make room for wondering just what sort of trouble Luffy got himself into this time.
Blue: Luffy is not in trouble.
Red: Luffy is in trouble.
“That’s the thing, I don’t know! I got separated from Luffy, then found Zoro, then he told me about how Luffy needed help, then I lost him!” Ace addresses Marco, “You know what I’m talking about, right?”
“Just about, yoi. Hey, Sabo?” Marco pats Sabo on the shoulder. “Let’s have a rematch some other time.”
Sounds like a great idea, with just one hang-up— “Sure. Just not during another double date.”
“Code Straw number… who’s keeping count anyway?” Ace throws his hands into the air.
“194,” Sabo answers.
“That,” Ace says, shooting him one of those looks, “was a rhetorical question.”
They’re outside the karaoke lounge now. They’ve managed to get here in time for dinner, miraculously — Sabo supposes he should have counted on Luffy’s ability to get everything short of a life-and-death situation done in time for any meal.
Zoro grins. “194? That’s nothing.”
“Shishishishi! They only started counting since I turned ten!”
“Don’t be so proud of it!” Ace gives Luffy a harmless karate chop to the head, yet Luffy rubs it with a pout. “Anyway, Code Straw #194 — apparently — resolved without getting the cops called. I call that a success.”
“I call that a failure,” Zoro says.
“Don’t enable my little brother!” Ace gives Zoro a punch that looks like it hurt. “Anyway, it’s finally dinnertime.”
“Yeah! Food!” Luffy runs inside, and Zoro follows immediately after.
“I’ll pay for everything,” Marco tells Ace before giving him a short kiss.
Sabo’s eyebrow twitches. “You’re going to regret that.”
Sabo covers his chuckle with a hand as Marco nearly empties his wallet for the waiter before turning to the food. It’s a glorious spread that would easily feed a party of ten but for them is just about enough for the occasion. Sabo hums as he breaks off a crab leg and chews on the meat contained within.
God, so worth it.
“Hey, Zoro, what’s Vivi’s group called again?”
“Something like VR.”
“Hm?” Ace looks up as he shoves a jalapeno popper into his mouth. “V.S.R.?”
“Yeah! That’s right!” It’s a moment later that Luffy puts on V.S.R., and the lounge is filled with the singing of the three girls.
“Right, Luffy’s met them, huh?” Marco asks.
Luffy nods with a smile. “They gave me food, so me and my friends beat up the dudes who were stopping them from forming their group!”
“Sounds about right…” Marco says.
“Amazing, isn’t he?” Ace grins. “Anyway, who’s up for singing first?”
Sabo and his brothers are busy gorging on food, so it appears to come down between Marco and Zoro. They look at each other.
“You want to go first?” Marco asks.
“I’m not singing.”
“What?!” Luffy whines, and he pulls Zoro’s arm. “C’mon, I really want to hear you sing!”
Zoro seems to feel the pressure of his boyfriend’s earnest desire, not to mention the silently cold looks that say I dare you to say no from both Sabo and Ace, so in the end, he says, “Alright. But I’m not going first.”
“That’s fine with me, yoi.” Marco pulls the screen over to himself without further prompting.
Marco chooses a slow song and dedicates it to Ace — and for all of those five minutes it’s Marco singing into a very red Ace’s eyes, Luffy and Zoro whispering to each other and Sabo feeling like he’s going to crawl into his skin.
“Fuck,” Zoro whispers. His booze hand had collided with Sabo and he’s checking to see if anything’s spilled. When he raises his eyes again, an eyebrow is raised in succession. “What’s up with you?”
“What do you fucking think?” Sabo whispers.
Luffy’s busy teasing Ace now, so Zoro only drinks from his bottle before continuing, “You’re acting like you’re stuck in a room listening to us fuck—”
“Do not. Give me. That mental image.”
Even though not wanting to think of pink elephants just makes them fucking jump across your mind anyway—
Zoro’s wild grin is annoying. “You go before me” —he points towards the stage— “and I’ll drop it.”
“Really? Blackmail, Roronoa?”
“I learn from the best.” Zoro manages to shrug his right shoulder in Luffy’s direction.
Sabo scoffs. “Coward.”
Turns out Marco’s up for two more songs, so it’s about half an hour of V.S.R. in the background in between songs while romantic tension builds towards the sky between Marco and Ace and Zoro makes every move under the sun on Luffy.
And Sabo? Sabo’s actually, maybe, starting to build immunity.
“Sabo? Really? How many drinks have you had?” Ace is loudly complaining with a glass of his own. “You were supposed to home us drive… Did I say that wrong?”
“You so did,” Marco fondly slurs in almost a mumble, and Sabo’s pleased to find out that he no longer cares.
“What are you fucking talking about? I had like two shots.”
“No, I can count like five glasses on your side, and Moss-Head’s the drunkard who takes it in whole bottles so the glasses are all yours, 100%.”
“Oh.” That explains why Sabo’s head feels like a mess.
Ace talks over Zoro’s protests in the background. “Plus you’ve already dropped an F-bomb — that’s like. The thing that gives you away.”
Zoro’s protests finally become audible. “I’m not even drunk!”
“We’re gonna have to call a Shubber now.” Ace rubs at his face.
“Am I going to have to leave my car here?” Marco asks.
“Yeah, I know, I know.” Ace groans. “We’ll pick it up tomorrow.”
“Why can’t I drive?” Zoro asks.
“You,” Sabo says, “have a deep-rooted denial of how fucking bad of a sense of direction you have. If you were to take the wheel, by the time we wake up sober, we’d be halfway across the other fucking side of the world.”
“See,” Ace says, like he needs to point it out again.
Luffy says, “I can drive, you know. I only drank a shot.”
“No way,” everyone save for Zoro choruses in unison.
“More like half a shot,” Zoro grumbles, picking it up and giving it a judgmental look, not like anyone else cares.
Ace points towards Luffy. “I am not trusting you, under any scenario, to drive.”
“Then what did I get my license for?!” Luffy protests.
Ace ignores him. “Hey, someone sing. I think it was Zoro up next. I still gotta finish this crab.” He’s back to stuffing his mouth.
Zoro’s shooting Sabo a look, and he rolls his eyes before standing up. “Actually, I’m going next.”
“Woo, Sabo!” Ace cheers in a muted voice as he claps his hands like a baby seal while Luffy’s slapping together the glowsticks the karaoke lounge provides as props.
“Thank you, all two of my adoring fans,” Sabo says as he chooses a song and moves towards the stage. “This, along with all the other songs I sing tonight, goes out to my faveting— …favourite fucking brother-in-law, Roronoa Zoro.”
“Zoro, that’s you!” Luffy nudges into him with a grin.
Sabo smirks at Zoro’s hanging mouth.
Sabo sings every love song he finds in the karaoke library and does not break eye contact with Zoro as much as possible as he revels in his mortification — all the while Luffy takes it all in good spirit though at some point Ace and Marco have left the room—
“They long to be,” Sabo sings louder to try to drown out the image from his mind, “close to you!” He’s almost shouting it—
“Sabo! My ears!” Luffy’s got his ears covered.
Sabo throws the mic onto the floor and then slumps over. “Lollo—” He vaguely points in Zoro’s direction. “You get what I’m trying to say. Get me another shot.”
Zoro’s eyebrow looks a little twitchy, but he complies and Sabo’s happy to consider his revenge completed once he has the sweet drink of forget juice in his hand.
“You know,” Zoro says as Sabo gulps it down, “this won’t be the last time.”
“It fucking will be.”
“Jesus fuck, dude, that look could scare off bears,” Zoro says, and Sabo smirks at his defensive position, but drops it upon seeing Luffy marginally scared.
If Luffy looks even the teensiest bit scared…
“Lollo” —Sabo runs a hand down his face— “you sing, right fucking now.”
Zoro’s back to scowling at him. “Aye, big brother.”
Zoro acts dramatic about having to go and pick the song, while Sabo takes the opportunity to crash back onto the couch and pull Luffy to him so he can drop his head onto his.
“What should I even fucking sing?”
“Sabo?” Luffy’s softly addressing him. “Did you not enjoy our double date?”
Zoro’s been taking such a long time picking that the screen’s begun to automatically play some upbeat boyband song. “Hey, hurry it up.”
“I got it already!” Zoro says.
Sabo takes Luffy’s hand in his. “No, it’s been… okay.”
Luffy’s looking up at him, big eyes furrowed in concern. “Maybe we shouldn’t have forced—”
Sabo shakes his head. “No, you guys didn’t. Technically, I still came of my own volition. And hey, maybe you guys are right, I have been overreacting…”
Luffy’s sitting up and shaking his head too. “No, Sabo, it’s not your fault—”
“And it’s not yours either,” Sabo says, and he’s smiling. “Really. You guys have done everything and more for me, when it was supposed to be your date. It’s… it’s a personal problem I have to overcome, anyhow. Thank you for thinking about me.”
“’Cause we’re living in a world of fools…” Zoro’s almost mumbling up on stage.
Sabo cups a hand over his mouth and says, “Turn it up!”
“You want me to sing to the entire fucking building, you bastard?!”
Sabo snickers while Luffy laughs. “Yeah, keep up that volume.”
“Zoro,” Luffy whines. “I can barely hear you!”
Zoro exhales a deep sigh. “Alright, alright…”
“From the top!” Sabo orders.
“Fucking—”
“Yeah! Do it, Zoro!” Luffy cheers.
Zoro gives up at that, and the song restarts as Luffy settles into Sabo again, his grip tighter. Zoro’s barely into the first verse when the door opens and Ace is almost hauling Marco in.
“What’s up with him?” Sabo asks almost nonchalantly.
Ace pulls Marco onto the couch before grimacing in their direction. “He’s been puking up a fucking storm in the last hour. I think we should go.”
“What? We haven’t all had our turn yet.” Zoro’s stopped singing by this point. “And you haven’t heard him sing yet either.” Zoro throws him a look that he doesn’t need to see to know.
“I think I can live without hearing him sing,” Ace says before he smirks. “What, did you enjoy today this much?”
Sabo sighs. “It wasn’t terrible, alright.”
“You still want to stay?” Ace asks. “There’s kinda no point in me singing if Marco’s not awake…”
“What?” Sabo and Luffy whine in unison. Sabo adds, “You were only going to sing for him?”
“What?” Ace echoes, his face turning red. “’C-course not…”
“I wanna hear you sing!” Luffy pouts. “Well, I wanna hear Zoro sing too…”
“Make up your damn mind!” Zoro shouts.
“I wanna hear you both sing!” Luffy yells.
“What time is it?” Ace lifts his watch and taps it so it lights up. “Nine, huh… eh, we can still stick around a little longer.” He flops down on Sabo’s other side. “Zoro, sing something upbeat for once.”
“What, am I your damn jukebox?!”
“Yeah, if that’s what you wanna call it,” Ace says. “I’m not stopping you.”
“You…”
“Zoro!” Luffy calls with a grin. “Sing Vivi’s songs!”
“Huh?!” Zoro grumbles something unintelligible. “Fine…”
Ace mutters into Sabo’s ear, “Smitten.” Sabo chuckles.
The screen lights up with the start of a V.S.R. song and Zoro’s admittedly doing a great job in singing through his embarrassment even if the song’s originally sung by girls who hit a high D every chorus.
“So, Sabo?” Ace asks as Luffy’s leaning in too, and he’s grasping his other hand. “Just be honest with us.”
Sabo gives him a look. “I was honest with you this morning.”
“Obviously.” Ace rolls his eyes. “And we ignored you because we thought it’d be better if you saw for yourself what it’s like first. Like I said, all of us are friends and it’s just been the five of us. Nobody cares—”
Sabo doesn’t need to hear Ace finish to know what he’s going to say. “You know that’s a lie.”
“Alright, maybe, yeah.” Ace shares a smile with Luffy.
“So,” Luffy takes over, “if you didn’t like it then we won’t ask you to come with us again.”
“Really?” Sabo asks, a bit sceptical. Well-earned too, he thinks.
“Yeah! We’ll just go out more often together, just the three of us!” Luffy says with a grin.
“We can also stay in,” Ace suggests, squeezing his hand. “Whatever you wanna do.”
Sabo shakes his head with a smile. “And whatever you guys wanna do. You know what, just bring these two bastards over to our house the next time.”
Ace grins. “It’s a compromise.”
“We are pretty good at that, huh?” Sabo smiles widely at the both of them.
“Oi, Luffy, have you even been listening this entire time?!”
The three look over to Zoro, and he’s standing up and puffing hard for who even knows what reason.
“Nope!” Luffy laughs. “Can you sing that again?”
“Fuck that!” Zoro shouts, and he’s slumping back onto the stool as the next song, still by V.S.R., starts up again. “…Alright, I’ll sing this one. This is the last one.”
Luffy’s laughing as he claps. “Yeah!”
And Sabo feels content as the night comes to an end, with Zoro finishing his song with flushed cheeks the entire time, Luffy picking up after by singing other pop songs, and Ace finishing the night off by starting it calm but stuttering when Marco wakes up at the tail end.
Everyone needs to go to the washroom by the end of it all, and eventually Sabo has been waiting outside the building with Ace and Marco long enough to wonder just where Zoro has taken Luffy to.
“Why the fuck aren’t they picking up?” Ace is hissing at his phone.
“Ace, calm down…” Marco’s rubbing Ace’s back.
“It’s midnight and my little brother is missing. And his boyfriend…”
“Alright,” Sabo says, tucking his phone back into his pocket, “you two stay out here, I’ll go in. Marco, keep my brother safe.”
He’s hoping to God that this is just one Code Straw among all the others—
“Roger that, yoi.”
“Wait, Sabo…”
Sabo only makes it two steps forward before Zoro’s walking out, and he’s piggybacking Luffy. “Zoro?! Where the fuck— Did something happen to him?!”
“Uh, well, no…” Zoro’s awkwardly replying, but Sabo has stopped paying attention because he’s just realised Luffy’s still awake.
And he’s blushing. “Sa-Sabo… The car’s here already, right?”
“Roronoa…” Ace’s voice is right beside Sabo.
“I know, alright!” Zoro’s panicking. “Just leave it for tomorrow or something!”
Sabo has enough reason to keep his head down this time. “You… fucking… bastard…”
“Why are you two mad, yoi?” Marco’s asking from behind— “Ace and I did it in the bathroom earlier and nobody said a thing.”
Sabo’s mouth falls open.
“Oh wait, you guys didn’t know about that, huh…”
“It’s not that, Marco!” Ace is saying, “It’s about how he worried us all for nothing!”
“Sabo…?”
Sabo can only stand, right there on the pavement as the engine of their ride purrs away in the background, as Ace continues to prod Zoro for answers, Zoro tries to defend himself, Luffy tries to defend Zoro, and Marco slides back into his drunken haze.
In all of that, his mind only comes up with three words.
Fuck all this.
…And thus concludes the day Sabo had hence dubbed The Pentacycle Incident.