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Sizhui had never thought this would be a bad idea, but he should have. He should have known that there was a reason why his parents hadn't wanted him to do this. But, he was still a teenager and didn't his Baba say that teenagers were sometimes too naive? And, he was his Baba's son through and through, wasn't he? Always curious, always asking questions, just like everyone said his Baba had been as a child, and as he had seen, was even now. But, he'd never thought that his curiosity would ever take him down his path that ended in him reading porn. Erotica. More specifically, erotica written by his Baba. He never should've borrowed the book from Zizhen, but then again, he hadn't known!
Was it really his fault? Couldn't his parents have just told him what his Baba actually wrote? They should've! If they had, none of this would've ever happened. Yes, it would have been extremely embarrassing for all of them, but not as much as this. How was he ever supposed to look his Baba in the eye after this? Either of his fathers, for that matter. What had Zizhen said? Yes… It was a known fact that the Yiling Laozu wrote from personal experience about everything. Sizhui knew that his fathers had only ever been with each other, so did they have all this… This… filthy sex that his Baba had written about?
Sizhui had always known that his fathers were deeply in love with each other. For as long as he could remember, they had never been shy to ever show how much they loved each other, and him. They never shied away from public displays of affection, holding hands, giving hugs, exchanging kisses, but also, how his Baba would sit in A-Die's lap whenever he had the chance, the way A-Die would wrap his arm around Baba's waist, possessively, sometimes too possessively, and then travel lower to cup his Baba's bum… Sizhui had seen that happen once and immediately turned away, too embarrassed. He had sometimes come outside his room in the mornings earlier than usual to see them sharing obscene kisses that were clearly not meant for his eyes and had turned back inside.
His fathers had always been too deeply in love, and Sizhui had known that, and he had also been thankful that they had tried to not get too gross around his friends, apart from the few times they'd slipped. Or maybe it was that they’d just gotten used to it after a while, he realized. Sizhui had long since gotten accustomed to removing himself from their vicinity when they got particularly affectionate, something that happened entirely too often, but this… this was truly something else.
Sizhui had started reading the book thinking it to be a regular romance, not an erotica, and he'd been half-way thru the first explicit sex scene to realize what was going on… But even what little he'd read… it was too traumatizing. He finally understood why his parents had asked him to not read Baba's books. Sizhui's parents had never forbidden him from anything, always wanting his curiosity to blossom, but they had asked him not to read those books, and he should've known there was a reason. Before now, he'd thought it was simply because Baba felt embarrassed to have his son read the romance he'd written… but it wasn't just the romance, was it? It was, most importantly, the sex… The sex that his Baba was having with his A-Die, apparently.
Sizhui shuddered once more at thought and closed the book, stashing it deeply in his backpack to return to Zizhen the next day and then never think about it again. He needed to bleach this memory from his brain. He doubted he would ever be able to do it, but he had to try.
The next day, he gave the book back to Zizhen. "It's just not for me," Sizhui explained. "There was just too much…" He trailed off, not knowing what exactly to say.
"Smut?" Zizhen guessed.
"Yeah," Sizhui answered, grimacing. "That. A lot of that."
He repressed a shudder as he remembered just how that smut had come into existence. He really should not have gotten curious. His Baba should have kept this a secret from him forever.
Zizhen nodded in understanding, and started talking, completely unaware of Sizhui's turmoil. "I get it," he said. "I really do. Yiling Laozu is such a prolific author and while he does write great sex scenes, I know that not everyone is comfortable with that stuff. It's okay, Sizhui. You don't have to feel bad about not liking my favourite book."
How could Sizhui explain to Zizhen that the reason wasn't the smut, not exactly? So he didn't even try. He let Zizhen draw his own assumptions. His Baba would have laughed himself silly if he ever heard this conversation, but he wasn't here so it didn't matter.
After that incident, which was only an incident for Sizhui and no one else in his life, things were mostly normal. His friends never suspected anything was wrong and things were smooth with them, but Sizhui had never been good at pretending in front of his parents. Wanting to save himself the embarrassment, he'd tried to spend less and less time in their presence, coming home late from school, excuses always at the tip of his tongue - a project, a presentation, revisions, exams, hanging out with his friends, sometimes even a sleepover - and they let him have his delusions, at least for a while.
Three weeks after the Sex Scandal, as Sizhui had started to refer to the incident in his head (nobody could ever accuse him of not being Wei Wuxian's son, that's for sure), was when things got really messy. Apparently, his Baba had had enough of Sizhui avoiding them.
“A-Yuan,” he started, in that ominous tone of his, and Sizhui knew. He absolutely knew he would not like what was coming, but what choice did he have other than to sit there and listen?
“Yes, Baba?” He asked.
“Is something the matter?” Baba questioned.
“Whatever do you mean? Everything is awesome! Super cool. Cool, cool, cool!” Sizhui cried, and then cringed. Way to go. This would convince his parents that things were fine.
“Riiiiiiiight,” his Baba replied, looking very much like he would like to open Sizhui’s brain to see exactly what was going on inside.
“What Wei Ying means,” his A-Die cut in, “is that if there is anything that is troubling you, please come to us. You know we are always here for you, don’t you, Sizhui-er?”
“Yes,” his Baba agreed. “That. A-Yuan, you’ve been very flighty these past few days, baobei. Do you really have so much going on at school or are you trying to avoid us?”
“Sizhui is not avoiding us,” A-Die said defiantly. “He would not.”
“Oh, yes, Lan Zhan!” His Baba screeched. “He’s not avoiding us! That's why he’s not spent one single evening with us in the past few weeks, why he has a sleepover every weekend, why he always needs to rush to school in the morning, not even eating his breakfast properly. Because he wants to spend all his time with his dads. Right?
My little radish! My own flesh and blood! Doing this to his poor, fragile Baba when I need him the most! We agreed this would never happen, Lan Zhan! We always did. We agreed we would be the cool parents who A-Yuan would never be embarrassed by! I AM THE COOL DAD! EVERYONE AT SCHOOL THINKS SO TOO! I will not let anyone take this away from me!”
“WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU WROTE PORN FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO READ!” Sizhui cried out, almost out of instinct, getting worked up by his Baba’s hysteria. They did this a lot. It was like they fed off of each other’s panic to escalate the situation to a point of no return.
Suddenly, there was pin drop silence in the room. It was the most silence Sizhui had ever known in his entire life. Living with a person like his Baba… it was inevitable. He was too energetic, too restless, to ever be quiet. There would always be some sort of movement from him, some noise he would be inevitably making. But now? Now he was standing still as if he was a statue. And truly, Sizhui felt for his Baba. He could sympathise and empathise. This was exactly how he felt when he’d found out his Baba wrote porn as well. And that was the entire problem. He had found out.
“H — how — how do — do you know… know that?” Baba finally asked, his voice a soft whisper.
“I was… curious,” Sizhui admitted. And he had been. He knew his Baba was a great storyteller, having grown up listening to countless stories from him. He was also a successful one, if what Zizhen said was any indication. And, he wanted to be aware of this part of his Baba’s life too. Which is why, when Zizhen had offered to lend him a copy of his Baba’s book, he had immediately agreed.
“Sizhui, did you look your Baba up on the internet?” A-Die asked. “We all agreed it was forbidden.”
“NO! I didn’t!” Sizhui cried out. He knew The Rule. It was the most stringent rule with which their household functioned. He would never ever break it. “I didn’t!” He repeated. “I… borrowed a book. From Zizhen. Written by Yiling Laozu. I just… I wanted to know what sort of stories you wrote, Baba. We never talk about it and I was so curious! And Zizhen is such a big fan, he absolutely couldn’t stop talking about how good you are so I borrowed it from him. But then… he never… he never said anything and I didn’t ask… It was erotica, Baba! Erotica!”
“Ahhh,” Baba nodded in understanding. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding us? Me?”
Sizhui nodded reluctantly.
“Well, I guess it can be awkward after you realise something like this about your Baba… but Lan Zhan didn’t do anything! Why were you avoiding him too?” Baba asked.
“Because, the book is about A-Die!” Sizhui cried.
“How do you know?” Baba questioned. “It could be about anybody!”
Twin stares of complete deadpan greeted Baba’s pronouncement. “It could be!” Baba defended himself. “It could be about anyone!”
“But it’s not,” Sizhui replied.
“You’re right,” Baba sighed. “It’s not. I’m sorry, A-Yuan. I should have told you. Only I was… well, I was afraid that you would… you know… be ashamed of me. Or that you won’t want to talk to me anymore. Which I guess… I was right, wasn’t I? But still, I should have told you.”
“Wei Ying, your profession is nothing to be ashamed of,” A-Die stated, at the same time that A-Yuan exclaimed, “I’m not ashamed of you!”
“What is it, then?” Baba asked. “Why won’t you talk to me? If you’re not ashamed?”
“Babaaaaaa,” Sizhui whined. “I just found out you write porn about you and A-Die… can’t I be embarrassed? I have the right to find it very awkward, don’t I? I read it, Baba. I officially know more about my parents’ sex life than any child ever wants to know! It’s just very awkward to look at you and Diedie after that!”
“Did you read the whole book?” Baba questioned.
“NO!” He cried out, horrified. “I didn’t even get past the first chapter because it was just there. 5 pages in!”
“Ohhh,” his Baba looked really relieved at that, almost as much as Sizhui had been mortified when he’d found out the truth. “That’s fine, then.”
“But, A-Yuan,” he added, “that’s very normal, you know that, right? Your Diedie and I… engage in… carnal activities.”
It was official. This was the worst day of Sizhui’s life. “Please stop talking right now!” He exclaimed, his head in his hands already. “I don’t want to know more than I already do. And, of course I know, Baba. It’s hard not to, when I live with you. You two might want to be a little more discreet if you don’t want me to know.”
At his words, A-Die pointedly wrapped an arm around Baba’s waist and pulled him close. Sizhui got the message. His parents would continue to indulge in their public displays of affection. Well, as long as they didn’t get too gross, like they sometimes did.
“Fine, fine,” Baba sighed. “But, just to make sure… it’s okay if I write such stuff, right?”
“Of course it is, Baba! You should write what makes you happy. If that’s erotica, then it is. I’m sure Sang-shushu is very proud of you,” he replied. Nie Huaisang, his Sang-shushu, definitely had to be the one who introduced his Baba to erotica. He knew. There could be no one else.
“He is,” his Baba agreed, confirming his suspicions.
“But, Baba… you can’t ever keep a secret like this from me again. I get there was a point when I was too young to know, but you should have told me. I’m almost eighteen now and I still didn’t know!” Sizhui complained.
“You’re right,” Baba replied. “We should have told you. But you know you’ll always be my baby. And I was so mortified at the thought of this conversation, so I didn’t. I’m sorry it all got out of control, baobei. What do you say we call a truce?”
Sizhui wordlessly stepped into his Baba’s arms for a hug which he promptly received. It had been so long since he’d hugged his Baba. He missed it. He vowed to never go so long again. It hadn’t even been a month, but to him, it felt like an eternity.
“Ahhh, what do you say about having a family day today?” Baba murmured into his hair. “We’ll all take the day off, watch some Ghibli movies, and order ramen.”
“Yes! I would love that very much,” Sizhui agreed.
“Mn,” A-Die seconded.
“Ahhh, I love you,” Baba cried, pullin A-Die into the circle of his arms as well. “I have the best husband and the best son!”
Sizhui smiled into his Baba’s chest. He would be just fine, as long as he had his dads.