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A familiar voice sounding from afar brings Eddie out of his deep sleep. His face crumples as he tries to define whether he is dreaming or not.
"Dad? Dad!" says the voice, sounding closer and closer. As the sleep fades away he realizes it’s Christopher’s.
He pops one eye open to see it's still night. "Dad are you here?" Christopher sounds a little worried but not as much as he does when he is having a nightmare.
"I'm coming son, give me a second." he shouts, voice rough with sleep and makes a move to get up but something-someone is holding him in place. On instinct he nearly panics, but the moment a familiar scent hits his nostrils and his brain is awake enough to register the comforting warmth of the body wrapped around him, he instantly relaxed.
Buck...
His strong arms tighten even more around Eddie's torso and he lets himself cherish his presence. Buck is here... His hold is so strong Eddie’s lungs are a little constricted, yet he has never breathed easier in his life.
He stays still for a few seconds, memories from a few hours ago coming back one after the other and his chest fills with something that he hasn’t felt for so long he is not sure how to define it. Safety? Happiness? A bit of both? The one thing he is most definitely sure he is feeling is love. True and complete love.
He slowly turns around to face Buck, hoping his attempt to escape his comforting embrace won’t wake him. Buck doesn’t seem disturbed at all, his light snoring confirming he hadn’t heard Christopher’s calling. Eddie leaves a soft kiss on his shoulder before slowly lifting Buck’s arm off his torso so he could get up, but Buck immediately tightens his grip around him and subconsciously whines. Eddie chuckles, resting his head on Buck’s collarbone. He leaves a lingering kiss there and Buck’s grip magically loosens. He kisses his jaw then and he relaxes even more.
Then Eddie brushes his fingers through Buck’s hair and whispers to his ear “Buck...” he doesn’t open his eyes but let’s out a incoherent sleepy sound that makes Eddie smile even wider. “I’m not leaving okay? Just going to Christopher for a minute.” he reassures him and pecks the corner of his mouth. “okay?” Buck nods in his sleep and finally loosens his grip completely.
Eddie leaves one last tender kiss on the birthmark on his eyelid and carefully gets up.
He walks fast and pokes his head around to Christopher’s half open door. He finds him sitting half up against the bed head “Hey Chris. Everything okay buddy?”
“Yes dad.” he replies trying to sound extra calm but Eddie reads right through him. He walks to the bed and sits opposite him, gently combing his fingers through his messy curls. “You were calling for me, weren’t you? Did you have a bad dream?”
“No, it’s just that... I heard Buck’s snoring and wanted to make sure you were here.” Christopher says sleepily.
Eddie tilts his head in confusion. “Why would Buck being here mean I’m not?”
Christopher hesitates a little and stares at his palms when he finally speaks. “Last time Buck spent the night here, you were in the hospital.”
A familiar knot makes it’s way to Eddie’s throat, one that has been there through this whole Christmas. His son’s first thought when he found out his favorite person in the world was in their house was that his father may be in danger. Again. Guilt creeps up from his stomach to his heart and right up to his temples that are suddenly pounding. He takes a sharp breath in and scoops Christopher up into a tight hug.
The boy lets a heavy breath out against his dad’s shoulder. “I’m right here son. And I’m okay, see?”
Chris nods with relief. “Dad, why didn’t Buck say hi when he came over?” he asks after a yawn.
“It was very late and he didn’t want to disturb your sleep. He did give you a forehead kiss though.” Eddie grins fondly, giving him the same kiss and Chris smiles in contentment.
“And why did he come so late? Did something happen to him?”
“No no; no need to worry there bud. He is fine. Just wanted to talk about some stuff that couldn’t wait.” he rushes to reassure him again. “You know how impatient Buck can get when he really wants something, right?” Christopher giggles instead of answering. Eddie covers him with the blanket ready to say goodnight but questioning time isn’t over it seems.
“And how come Buck slept on your bed instead of the couch?” Eddie blinks a few times, a question written all over his face that Christopher immediately reads “His snoring was never that loud while he was sleeping in the living room.” Eddie’s bedroom is right next to Christopher’s, so his clever son put two and two together. Eddie isn’t sure what to say though. He is sure he doesn’t want to lie to his son.
But what would he say?
That two days after he announced he is living the 118, Buck turned up unannounced, banking on his door in the middle of the night, demanding answers? That Eddie listed all the reasons why he hadn’t talked to Buck about it prior to said announcement, except for the most important of them all: the fact that he realized he had feelings for him and it was so terrifying he had to push it away, pushing Buck along with it? That after much frustration and anger and tears, emotions raised, walls got teared down and love confessions were made, leading to more tears and hugs and kisses? That his dad found love again, in it’s ultimate form this time, since he fell in love with his best friend and his best friend fell in love with him?
He can’t throw all this information on his half asleep 11 year old son in the middle of the night . So he settles for something that was still true, yet much less intimidating.
“I guess he didn’t want to be alone.”
Christopher’s narrows his eyes at that. “Isn’t he living in the same house with Taylor?” Fair point Eddie thinks.
“I’m afraid they broke up...” Eddie presses his lips together, trying not to be too obvious about how happy he is for that matter. He and Buck haven’t talked about how and when they will talk to Christopher about their relationship. All this is new and exciting and scary all at once, but he is sure they both want share the news with Chris together.
“Really?” Christopher of course is as surprised as Eddie was when Buck told him about the break up last night. I couldn’t be with her when my heart belongs to someone else Buck had told him and Eddie can’t help but smile at the memory. “Buck will be sad now...” Christopher’s concerned voice brought him back to the present.
“Hmm I don’t think it’s that bad.” Eddie ruffles his hair. “But even if he is a little shaken up, he has you and me to take care of him, right?” he cups his son’s face and the boy nods with a sleepy grin.
“K time to go back to sleep now.” he gets up and leans down to kiss his son’s head. “Sweet dreams buddy.”
“Good night dad.”
Eddie walks back into the bedroom, leaving the door half open so he can hear Christopher in case he asks for him again. He tiptoes around the bed, quiet as a cat careful not to wake Buck, but the moment he sneaks under the covers Buck’s eyes open. “Shit, sorry I woke you up...”
Buck smiles softly “You didn’t.” They are laid on their sides facing each other, suddenly hesitant to touch, as if they weren’t a tangled mess just five minutes ago. Old habits Eddie thinks. “Everything okay with Chris?”
“Yes, he is fine.” Eddie reassures him. “Your snoring just woke him up, that’s all.” he teases.
Buck buries his face on the pillow shyly which Eddie finds adorable. “I guess we got to do something about that...”
Eddie shakes his head. “That’s not really a problem. It’s just Christopher… He has been sleeping very lightly the past few days and wakes up extremely easily.” He breaks eye contact, a deep crease appearing between his brows as he gets sucked into his own thoughts.
Buck immediately attempts to erase that crease with the careful touch of his fingertips, runs then over Eddie’s brow, across the side of his face and down his neck. Eddie's eyes close and he leans into his touch. Buck's hand finally rests on the side of his neck, the skin hot and smooth under his palm. "I know you are worried. But everything is gonna be alright." Eddie lets his own palm rest on Buck's chest, his steady heartbeat grounding him. "We're gonna figure things out; together." Eddie's hand forms a fist gathering Buck’s t-shirt and pulls him closer until their foreheads touch. "You are not alone. Not anymore" Eddie takes a deep breath in, as if trying to inhale Buck’s words, keep them in his heart forever.
They stay close like that for what feels like hours, breathing out the old alone, breathing in the new together.
When he finally moves back to look at Buck again, he expects to find him sound asleep, but his eyes are still open, looking at him with a peace in them that hasn’t been there for a very long time. The light coming from the corridor through the half-open door is strong enough to bring out Buck’s long lushes, his sharp cheekbones and the perfect angle of his jawline, enhanced by a two-day stubble Buck didn’t bother to shave and Eddie thinks this has to be the most beautiful face he ever laid eyes on.
He is almost scared to touch in case he vanishes into thin air. It was just yesterday he was in this same bed, the weight of a thousand rocks on his chest as he stared at the empty space next to him; a painful reminder that there was only one person he wanted to lay there with him and that person would never want the same.
Yet that same person is there now, looking at him the same way he always has, like he hung the moon and stars. Eddie always admired that about Buck, the way he wears his heart on his sleeve, when Eddie struggles so much with expressing emotions; even experiencing them sometimes...
He runs the pad of his thumb delicately across Buck’s bottom lip and feels it stretching under his touch when he grins, as soft and warm as he remembers from kissing him last night. As if he can read his mind, Buck whispers “I’m here Eddie. I will be here, for as long as you want me.”
There it is again, the insecurity that has embedded so deeply in Buck’s heart that it looks like it may never come out, no matter how many times Eddie repeats how much he loves him and wants him in his life. But he doesn’t mind reminding him every hour of every day, if that is what Buck needs. He threads his finger through Buck’s hair and moves his body closer until every part of them is touching.
“What if I want you to be here forever?” he grins and Buck’s face lights up with that bright smile that makes that vein on his right temple pop and Eddie can't keep from stroking it.Buck’s large hand travels down Eddie’s torso and rests on the small of his back, pressing his firmly against him. “Then you bet your fine ass I’m not going anywhere.”
Eddie chuckles at that before he becomes all smirky and playful. “You find my ass fine Evan?”
Buck involuntarily shivers at the way his name sounds coming out of Eddie’s mouth. He hesitates to move his hand further down though, instead caresses the skin over Eddies tail bone when he says “Oh I have a lot of words to describe it and they all dance around the concept of perfection.”
Eddie giggles and pulls him close for a kiss that was meant to be quick and tender, but quickly becomes deep and long. Long enough to give Buck the courage to finally move his hand lower and squeeze Eddie’s butt cheek. Eddie smirks into the kiss and – not so subtly – rubs his pelvis against Buck once, drawing a struggled moan out of him. He cherishes the fire that forms in his lower belly, lets it travel through his entire body, remind him he is alive.
When he pulls back he leaves Buck breathless and a little helpless. “I would love to hear all of them one day...” he suggests, his voice at least an octave lower than before.
Buck chuckles, struggling to find his voice, still lost in the haze of the kiss.”You most definitely will.”
“I’ll take that as a promise.” Eddie leaves one last peck on Buck's puffy bottom lip. "Now close your eyes. You have two days of sleep to make up for."
Buck rolls his eyes "I told you I slept Eds
"Two hours Buck?" Eddie scolds "Really?"
"Well-"
"Don’t even try. "Eddie pinches him right under his ribs and Buck squirms under him. " because you have a fine ass too and I will kick it."
Buck muffles a high-pitched giggle in the side of his neck, one that Eddie instantly adds to the list of his favorite sounds in the world. "Okay okay, point taken. We sleep." Buck sighs and braces his arm around Eddie's back. He leaves a lingering kiss on his collarbone, a second one on his neck, a third on his jaw and he eventually nests his head in the crook of his neck.
Eddie exhales in contentment as they tangle their legs together. His lips brush over Buck's birthmark feeling him hum against his neck. He hugs him even tighter and starts drawing absentminded figures with his fingers on his back until Buck falls asleep in his arms.
As Eddie drifts off himself, Buck’s words replay in his mind Everything is gonna be alright and for the first time in forever, he believes it too.