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Sometimes, it’s the little things that make you realize you’re in love. It’s seeing them make a silly face in the mirror at you, or seeing them treat someone with kindness, or them helping you out with a favor. Sometimes it’s big things, like some grand gesture or even a love declaration on their part.
Other times, it is the absolute worst thing you can think of that brings you to that awareness. It’s the world falling out from under your feet and you realizing that they were the one holding it up. It’s realizing the love is there while any chance of happiness being ripped away with the force of a hurricane.
Or in Eddie’s case, a tsunami.
Despite the natural disaster, the day had been alright. They had some losses, sure, but that was to be expected when a tsunami rips through a city this large. But for all intents and purposes, Eddie was doing okay. After the Ferris wheel rescue, he’d made it back to the VA hospital with Lena and was able to help out a lot there. It felt good to flex his “medic” muscles again. Though despite the good feeling of helping others, he couldn’t quite shake the nagging feeling that something was wrong. Buck still hadn’t called him to tell him how their day had been. He’d tried calling him hours ago, and again just twenty minutes prior, but no answer. He tried to reason that maybe there was no service where they were, because there were outages all across the city. Surely, there was a good reason he hadn’t reached out yet.
“Hey Diaz.” He looked up from the clipboard for Triage 2 he was looking at to find Lena standing in front of him. She wore a complicated expression on her face; her eyebrows were drawn together, her lips tight, and her eyes soft. “Your son’s name is Christopher, right?”
Just the mention of his name made his veins turn to ice. The bad feeling from earlier amped up to a thousand and it’s like he just knew that something wasn’t right.
“Yes, why?” The words came out even, perhaps even calm to someone who didn’t know him, but the tension was apparent in the way his jaw clenched and his hands gripped the clipboard.
“There’s a Christopher Diaz that was just brought in with a group, says his dad is a firefighter.” Lena spoke carefully, as if Eddie would break at the mere idea of Chris being in the middle of all this. “He’s okay though, just some bruises and dehydration.”
“Where?” Eddie could feel his heartbeat speed up, his hands shaking as he dropped the clipboard on to the counter next to him. “Where is he?”
Lena just motioned for him to follow, leading him out the open doorway of the hospital and toward one of the tents. His legs felt like they were going to fall out from under him as he walked, his brain screaming ‘don’t be him, please don’t be him’ with every step (maybe he would break). He rounded the corner of the plastic divider and felt all of the air punch out of his lungs as he saw his son lying on the cot. He was talking with a nurse, his small body covered in a thick blanket and an IV stuck in his hand. His tired face and wild hair were filthy, covered in dirt and grime, and his glasses were noticeably absent from his face as he was just barely squinting his eyes as he spoke to the woman at his bedside.
“Christopher,” Eddie choked out, falling to his knees beside the bed and scrambling for grip on Chris’ hand, “Mijo, what happened?”
“Dad!” Tears immediately filled his eyes and he lunged forward, throwing his arms around Eddie’s neck. “Dad, I was at the pier with Buck, we were having so much fun and then the water all went away and Buck picked me up and we ran and then the water came back-“ He was cut off by a hiccupping sob, tears falling down his face on to Eddie’s uniform. Eddie, for his part, was holding it mostly together externally. Internally, he was very acutely aware that Christopher was there, with him, seemingly okay physically.
Buck was not.
“Chris, where is Buck?”
“I don’t know!” Christopher leaned back now, rubbing his tearful, snotty face with his arm. “We were on top of the fire truck and then I fell in the water again and I couldn’t find him. I found Miss Maria and she kept me safe until we got here but I couldn’t find Buck.”
The fear creeping into his throat was almost too much to handle. He could feel his pulse everywhere in his body, reminding him of the blinding panic at the idea of Buck being out there alone, looking for Christopher, probably hurt.
“Chris, I’m going to go see if Buck was brought here, okay?” He stood and motioned for Lena, “my friend Lena is going to stay here with you, and I’ll be right back.”
Christopher just nodded, sniffling again as he settled against the pillow. Eddie mumbled a quick a ‘thanks’ to Bosko as he moved past her, going toward the counter just inside the entrance he had been at minutes earlier.
“Grace,” he breathed out the name, alerting the nurse behind the counter to his presence, “I need to know if anyone else did an intake on an Evan Buckley, or a John Doe.”
“Hang on, let me check.” She grabbed the clipboard from Triage 1, scanning through for a moment before looking up at him. “No Evan Buckley, I have a John Doe aged approximately 60?”
“No, that’s not him,” Eddie shook his head and blew out a breath, willing the panic in his throat back down.
“Have you checked the morgue?”
The words cut through Eddie like a knife. His eyes immediately snapped to the black tent at the back of the lot and he could feel the bile rising in his throat. The idea that Buck was gone, that he would never come back – he couldn’t fathom it. Couldn’t even begin to imagine a world without him. And suddenly it was like he was outside his body as his legs carried him outside the building and across the wet pavement. It’s like he could feel his heartbeat in his face and his throat was swelling closed – the world was both a million miles away and closing in on him at the same time and the floodlights overhead cast a glaring halo around the tent.
And Eddie walked.
And he kept walking, his only focus being the goddamn black tent.
Then suddenly a face appeared in front of him, a hand pressing into his chest to stop him. His vision tunneled for a moment before focusing on the concerned features less than a foot away from him.
“Bobby?” His voice came out strained, fractured.
“Eddie, what’s wrong?” Bobby’s brows were furrowed, lines creasing his forehead as he studied Eddie’s face.
“Buck…” He managed to get out, his gaze still latched on to the tent behind Bobby, “uhm, can’t find him. Chris is here, Buck was with him.”
Bobby watched him for another moment before turning and looking over his shoulder. When he saw what had Eddie’s attention he turned back around to face him, his jaw set and gaze firm.
“You were going to check the-“
“They said that he uh,” Eddie swallowed, his eyes finally snapping over to Bobby’s, “they said that there was no one matching Buck’s description brought in, and I need to check…”
He couldn’t even finish the sentence. He could still feel his heart thudding in his chest as he stared at Bobby with wide, desperate eyes.
“I’ll check, okay?” Bobby nodded at him, giving a gentle nudge with his hand that was still pressed against his chest. “Just… Just wait here, I’ll check.”
Eddie wanted to protest; tell him that he shouldn’t have to be the one to do it. That it was somehow his responsibility. That if Buck were dead, it would be his job to bear the brunt of the pain that would come with finding him.
But he let him go, turning his gaze away from his retreating back over to Hen and Chimney, who had been standing on the sidelines watching their interaction.
“Eddie,” Hen spoke gently, laying a comforting hand on his arm, “is Christopher okay?”
“Yeah,” he nodded, licking his lips as he opened and closed his fists at his sides, “some bruises and dehydration but he’s okay.” He paused, inhaling shakily before continuing, “I didn’t know they were out in this; I had no idea.”
“It’s okay,” Chimney spoke up, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. “There was no way you could have known, man. I’m sure Buck’s okay and he’s out there still looking for Christopher.”
Eddie wanted to believe him, but something in his gut was telling him that he was wrong. That whether Buck was in that black tent or not, he was gone. He felt like a piece of himself was gone. Like Buck was the light that illuminated all the dark and dusty corners of Eddie’s heart, and the bulb was just smashed. It was almost like the moment he saw Christopher without Buck he knew that nothing was going to be the same again.
Despite all of this, when Bobby approached them with a haunted look in his eyes and tears gathering on his eyelashes, Eddie nearly fell where he stood.
“Bobby, no…” His words barely came out, more of a breath than anything else. “Please.”
The captain stepped up to the three of them, his arms hanging limply at his side as he exhaled. His shoulders slumped and his chest caved in with the breath before he looked up to meet Eddie’s eyes.
“Buck-“ He choked out, his voice cracking on the name, “Buck didn’t make it. He was found about a mile from here. They think he may have had internal bleeding, based on bruising.”
Eddie just stared at him, the words tumbling around in his head as he catalogued away every single detail of Bobby’s horror-stricken face: The tears falling silently down his cheeks, the corners of his mouth turned down into a frown, the way his nostrils flared as he tried to stave off more tears. It was funny – the first thought he had was that he didn’t think he’d ever seen his captain cry.
Then he found himself nodding as tears welled in his own eyes. He looked from Bobby to Hen and Chimney, who wore equally-as-devastated expressions; Hen, with her hand covering her mouth and tears falling down her face and Chimney with his hands laced behind his head and his gaze upwards as tears pooled in his eyes.
“Is it possible there was a mistake?” Chim spoke softly, “maybe they’re wrong-“
“No,” Bobby interrupted him, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed thickly, “I uhm, I saw him. I identified him.”
Suddenly, the bile that had been working its way up Eddie’s throat earlier made a reappearance in his esophagus; he darted over to one of the trash bins and ducked over it, gagging as he vomited up everything from his stomach. He threw up until there was nothing left, and then he dry heaved a few times before he rested his weight on his hands and hung his head between his shoulders. This couldn’t be happening, this couldn’t be real. Please don’t let this be real.
***
Eddie clutched Maddie’s hand in his as they stood outside the double doors that led into the morgue. He spared a glance down at her and saw the agony etched into her features – the puffy eyes, the worry lines that seemed to be permanently creased into her forehead, the distant gaze that illustrated the devastation she was feeling. He knew he probably didn’t look any better.
He gave her hand a small squeeze before pressing the door open and walking forward. The room was cold and dim, and in the middle of the floor was a table with a body covered in a white sheet. Eddie never thought he’d be here. Standing in a morgue identifying the body of a loved one.
Of someone he loved with all his heart.
“Are you ready?” The coroner approached the table, her hands resting on the edge. She watched them with a patient, comforting gaze; she must be used to this.
“Yes,” Maddie breathed out, while Eddie could only nod. The doctor reached up and grabbed the top of the sheet and slowly peeled it down, revealing the face inch by inch until it came to rest at the shoulders.
And the thing is, Bobby already confirmed it was Buck. He had seen him at the VA hospital, had informed the medical personnel there that it was him, gave them his information. But the coroner needed “official identification” by family, and Maddie had specifically asked Eddie to come with her. Maybe she knew that he felt a need to see Buck, just to confirm in his own head that it really was happening. Maybe she was privy to the love that Eddie was harboring for her brother and felt that the two of them would be the best ones to take on this task together. Either way, all of this led the two of them to that room, the air around them chilly, the fluorescent lights buzzing, and Buck’s lifeless body on the table in front of them.
“No,” Maddie’s cry came out as a whimper, “Evan, no, no, please.”
Tears poured down her cheeks as she released Eddie’s hand and reached forward to cradle Buck’s face, sobs wracking her body. Eddie, meanwhile, stood stock still, his eyes trained on the scrapes and cuts across Buck’s face, and he wondered how long he was out there. How long he was searching for Christopher not knowing if he was alive or dead. Not knowing that he was perfectly safe just a mile away at the emergency shelter.
“Goddamn it Evan.” Eddie stepped forward, placing a hand on Maddie’s back. He choked back the emotion creeping into his throat and looked up at the coroner, “did you identify cause of death?”
“It seems he was on blood thinning medication,” the doctor spoke softly, “and he suffered a laceration to his pancreas that caused substantial internal bleeding.”
“If he wasn’t on blood thinners,” Eddie began, coughing to clear his voice, “would he have died?”
She shook her head, “there’s no way for me to say definitively.”
Eddie just nodded, not entirely sure if that made him feel better or worse. Maddie rose, turning into Eddie and clutching on to his shirt, hiding her tear-stained face in his chest. He simply wrapped her in a hug, holding on tightly as he looked at Buck’s still features over her head. Even in death, he was the most beautiful man he’d ever seen.
He reached a shaking hand out to his face, rubbing a gentle finger across the birthmark that stood out so starkly against his ashen skin, and closed his eyes and just for a moment, tried to imagine that he was in a different place, a different time, fingers softly caressing Buck’s face for a different reason.
“We have his personal effects here.” The words cut through the relative silence, interrupting only Maddie’s shuddering breaths and Eddie’s sniffling. The two parted, turning to face the coroner that was holding large plastic bag in her hands. Maddie reached out to take it, looking up at Eddie as she noticed the item sitting on the top of the pile of items.
“Are these…?”
“They’re Christopher’s glasses.” Eddie put his hand on top of the bag, gently tracing the frames through the plastic. “why-” He cut himself off, looking up to the doctor expectantly.
“These were found around his neck,” she offered with a small shrug, and Eddie could only stare back down at the red-framed lenses, the tears that had yet to fall slipping past his eyelids and down his face. Buck had held on to this little piece of Chris all the way up until the end, and Eddie could only hope that somehow, before he died, he knew that Christopher was okay. That he had saved his life.
***
Eddie wasn’t sure how he was going to tell Christopher.
He was sitting in his truck outside his abuela’s house, hands laying limply in his lap, eyes staring blankly ahead at the dashboard. He felt a disconnection from his body, like it was stuck there, in the truck, and his mind was a million miles away. The anxiety, the dread, that had filled his body the moment Lena told him that Christopher was at the VA hospital hadn’t left, still thrumming under his skin with each beat of his heart. Now, he had to tell his son that his best friend, the man who saved him, was gone.
With an exhale, his awareness gradually came back to him. After a moment, he unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the door, letting himself stumble out onto the pavement of the driveway. Before he knew it, he was walking up the sidewalk to the front door, like he’d blinked and he was there.
“Dad!” The front door opened and Chris came out, stumbling a bit on his old crutches. “Did you find Buck?”
Eddie had decided that he was going to wait to tell Christopher until they had officially identified the body. He told his son that he was going to stay with his bisabuela while they looked, and that he would be back as soon as he had news.
“Christopher,” Eddie breathed the name out, stepping forward to wrap his son into a hug, kneeling down on the porch. Christopher threw his arms around his dad, tucking his head into his neck.
“Is Buck okay, Dad?” His words were muffled against Eddie’s skin, and the man shuddered, tears springing to his eyes. Chris leaned back, his hands coming to rest on his dad’s face before he spoke, “Dad?”
“Chris,” Eddie took Christopher’s little hands into his own and held them to his chest, “we did find him. He got very hurt.”
And Christopher knew what his dad was saying. He’d said nearly the same thing just four months ago when his mom died. But there was no way that Buck was gone. He couldn’t be. He promised they’d be okay, and Chris was okay, so Buck had to be too. He had to be.
“But he’s okay, right?” He backed away, pulling his hands away and shaking his head, “Daddy, he’s alright, isn’t he?”
“Christopher, I’m so sorry,” Eddie choked out, reaching back out only for him to stumble backwards, barely catching himself before he fell. “He died, Mijo.”
“No!” Christopher shook his head violently, sending his little body falling forward into his father’s arms. “No, he’s not dead! He promised we’d be okay!”
“Christopher, I’m sorry,” Eddie pulled Chris into his arms, enveloping him in a tight hug with one arm around his back and one on his head. “I’m so sorry.”
Chris tried to break free of Eddie’s hold for a moment before his body went lax and he broke down crying, wails escaping his mouth as his entire body shook uncontrollably. Eddie could only hold him as he cried.
***
Eddie always knew being a firefighter was dangerous, and that the time may come that they would have to bury one of their own. But there was always this kind of willful obliviousness to it. This avoidance of the idea that any one of them could die any day. So when the day finally reached them, no matter how much they tried to prepare, it still felt like a knife twisting in the gut.
Buck was getting a full formal service with all the honors: bell ringing, last call, flag folding ceremony, and firing party. Eddie, Chimney, Hen, and Bobby would serve as honorary pallbearers, walking in front of the casket, while the rest of A-shift were active pallbearers who actually carried it. Various members of the LAFD would act as the Honor Guard, standing vigil with the casket during the service and showing, as well as at the gravesite.
Eddie got through his morning on autopilot, helping Chris get dressed in his suit before dressing in his “class A” uniform, complete with the white gloves and his shrouded badge. Then before he knew it, almost with no memory of how he got from waking up that morning to there, Eddie was standing at order with Bobby by his side, marching down the street toward the burial site. As they approached, Eddie spotted Maddie at the front of the crowd, Christopher seated next to her. She had insisted that he stay with her while Eddie fulfilled his duties (“Christopher was one of the most important people in Evan’s life, of course he should be front and center.”).
“Attention!”
The officer-in-charge gave the piercing command, and everyone came to a halt in front of the gravesite. Eddie focused his gaze on the horizon in front of him, trying to think about anything besides the casket behind him as Bobby stepped out of their formation to approach the small pulpit.
“We are gathered today to honor a firefighter who has answered his final call.” The words that came out of Bobby’s mouth were measured, maybe even steady to someone who didn’t know him. “Evan Buckley was one of the finest young men I have ever had the privilege of knowing and working with.” More emotion escaped this time, his voice wavering slightly as he continued, “Buck was like a son to me, and I will miss him always.”
Eddie lowered his gaze, catching Maddie’s own. She was heartbroken, obviously, but it was apparent Bobby’s words meant a lot to her. Her and Buck’s own parents were not in attendance at the service, and after a late-night conversation with Maddie that included confessions of feelings and stories about Buck’s birth that left Eddie reeling a little bit, he wasn’t all that shocked.
“Throughout most of history, the life of a firefighter has been closely associated with the ringing of a bell.” Bobby turned and gave a slight gesture to the bell that Hen now stood beside, her hand holding the clapper waiting to ring it. “As Firefighter Buckley began his tour of duty, it was the bell that started the shift.”
Eddie had heard the words before, a few too many times, but they were so different now; made his heart twist in a way that left him breathless as he stood at attention.
“Throughout the night, each alarm was sounded with a bell that called him to duty. When the call ended, and the alarm was complete, it was the bell that rang 10 times to signal the end,” Bobby continued speaking and as his voice carried on, Eddie found it harder and harder to keep the tears at bay. The more Bobby spoke, the more it drilled home that Buck was really gone. “Now our brother Evan Buckley has completed his task.”
With a small nod, and her eyes shining, Hen snapped her wrist and rang the bell in even intervals. Ten rings - Eddie counted each one and felt the knife drive deeper and deeper in his gut each time the dull ring echoed out across the cemetery, the sound getting lost amongst the headstones.
“We do this in honor and tribute to the life and service,” Bobby paused, coughing away the lump in his throat, “of Evan Buckley.”
It was Maddie that ended up getting the flag following the folding ceremony, with Eddie presenting it to her on a bended knee. Christopher reached out a shaking hand to run his fingers along the cloth, tears pooling in his eyes. He was only eight, but he knew the significance. He knew Buck was a hero because he saw it first-hand, having told Eddie all about all the people he saved while they waited on top of that truck. Chris knew Buck was a hero because he had been a hero for him.
Before long, the ceremony was over and those that remained at the burial site were Eddie, Christopher, Maddie, Bobby, Athena, Hen, and Chimney. They sat in the white folding chairs scattered across the grass, the casket in front of them. Christopher sat in Eddie’s lap, something he had started to outgrow before all of this happened; now he took every chance he could to snuggle up to his dad. Chimney sat with Maddie, his arm tucked tightly around her as she laid her head on his shoulder, while Hen held Chim’s other hand in her own. Athena stood behind Bobby’s seat, her hands resting on his shoulders as they sat in reverent silence. It was Bobby that broke it, clearing his throat and patting Athena’s hand with his own.
“I have some paperwork I still have to get finished,” he said as he rose from his seat, “don’t want to put it off.” His words were lilted; emotional and tired in a way that betrayed his stoic features. With some thanks and a few hugs, he made his way back toward the parking lot. A few minutes later, after another stretch of silence, Maddie spoke up from her place across from Eddie,
“he was in love with you, you know.”
The man in question snapped his head up to her, feeling his heartbeat pick up in his chest.
“What?”
“Evan loved you,” she raised her head from Chim’s shoulder to level Eddie with a stern and sincere gaze, leaving no room for questioning. “He never told me explicitly, but I knew him, and I know that he loved you, fiercely and wholly. You were it for him, Eddie.”
And see, it’s not that Eddie was completely surprised. He had been aware of his own feelings for Buck for a while, having come to a few realizations around the time of the truck bombing. It wasn’t until Buck was gone that he realized he had more than feelings for him – he was the love of his life. At the beginning, he didn’t feel like he could do anything about it because Buck had been with Ali. After a while, it just felt safer to keep his feelings to himself. He didn’t want to risk the friendship they had, or the relationship Buck had with Christopher. A part of him kind of always felt that they were on their way there, though. That it would just be a matter of time, and things just had to get right in their lives first before they could take that next step. Buck had spent enough nights on his couch, had sent him enough lingering looks, and had loved his son in a strong enough way that made him slowly start to believe that maybe he felt the same.
And if all of that and Maddie’s statement hadn’t been enough, the attorney showing up at the station four weeks later would be.
Eddie had taken two weeks off, both to grieve and to help Christopher start to heal a little bit from the trauma of everything. Things still felt fresh and raw without Buck around. Before, his absence was temporary. They knew he’d be coming back. Having to be at work without his partner by his side and knowing he never would again be was torture. It was around three in the afternoon when a middle-aged woman in a smart suit came into the station asking for Bobby. After a few minutes behind the closed office door, the captain poked his head out and motioned for Eddie to join them.
“Everything okay?” He stepped into the room and shut the door behind him.
“Yes, this is Fiona James, she’s Buck’s attorney” Bobby motioned first to her before motioning toward Eddie, “This is Eddie Diaz.”
“Hi.” She reached a hand out for Eddie to shake. “Nice to meet you. I’m so sorry it’s under these circumstances.”
“What are the circumstances exactly?” Eddie frowned, looking between the two of them.
“Well, I needed to speak with your captain to wrap up some final issues regarding Mr. Buckley’s will,” she began, “and I figured I would speak to you while I was here.”
“I don’t know what I have to do with any of that.” Eddie was simply just confused at this point. What could he possibly have to do with Buck’s will?
“Mr. Buckley had a fairly substantial savings, as well as a $20,000 life insurance policy,” she told him, reaching into her bag to produce a manilla envelope, “and he named your son, Christopher, as the beneficiary.”
For what seemed like the tenth time in the last month, Eddie felt all the oxygen leave his lungs.
His knees felt weak and he had to stumble over to the chair to sit down, his mouth gaping as he stared at the envelope she’d placed in his hands. He opened it with shaking fingers and pulled the papers out, finding bank statements, the insurance policy, and a copy of the will.
“The money has been set up into a trust,” Fiona continued, but her words were muffled to Eddie’s ears, “you will receive monthly payments until Christopher’s 18th birthday, upon which he will receive full access to the account.”
Eddie didn’t realize tears had gathered in his eyes until he looked up at her and his vision was blurred. His heart was hammering in his chest and his head was spinning and all he could ask was,
“why?”
“I don’t know,” Fiona smiled gently and retrieved another, smaller, envelope from her bag, “but I think this will answer your question.”
This envelope had writing on the front – simply ‘Eddie’ in Buck’s handwriting. Eddie gripped it in his unsteady hands and drew a long, shaky breath. The only thing that he could think was it wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wasn’t supposed to be on the receiving end of his best friend’s, love of his life’s, will. They were supposed to fall in love, live happily ever after, and whatever other fairytale shit that came with it.
“We’ll let you have the office,” Bobby spoke up softly, resting a gentle hand on Eddie’s shoulder as he walked past him, “take your time, don’t worry if there’s call.”
Eddie just nodded, still staring at the envelope in his hands. After a moment, the door swung open before softly clicking shut behind them. And then he was alone.
So with a shuddering inhale, he straightened up, wiped the tears from his eyes, and opened the letter.
Eddie,
I’m sorry. I am so sorry you’re reading this. I’m so sorry I left you. Left Christopher. I would do anything to change it if I could. Whatever happened, I’m sorry I’m writing this letter to you instead of being able to tell you all these things in person. I’m just scared, Eds. Scared of what would happen if I told you I loved you. Told you that you’re the love of my life. Told you that I’d give anything to spend the rest of my life with you and Christopher.
I don’t have an exact moment when I first fell in love with you. It was like I woke up and there you were. You were my best friend and then one day, I looked at you and I saw the future. I saw us together, raising Christopher, being happy.
And if you’re reading this letter, it means we didn’t get that future.
And I don’t know if you feel the same way about me. I think you do. It feels like you do. But like I said, I’m scared of what would happen. I think I’m scared of what would happen if you didn’t love me, and what would happen if you did. Change is scary. Or maybe I’m just a coward. Either way, I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you.
I know you’re probably confused why I left everything to Chris. If you’re not confused, you’re at least feeling a little blindsided and probably a little prideful, because you’re you.
I love Christopher like my own Eddie. I would give my life for him. The least I can do is leave him something that could help him after I die. The payments can help with things like doctors and medical bills and stuff, and then when he turns 18, he can do what he wants. Whether that’s going to college to be a NASA engineer like he says he wants to do or something else, I’m just happy I’ll be able to play a small role in that.
Above everything else, know that meeting you and Chris was the best thing that ever happened to me. Simply knowing you has been my greatest treasure, and whether we grow old together or not, I had the best time falling in love with you.
Buck