Chapter Text
Catra was scared. Scratch that, she was terrified. And she would rather lose everything all over again than tell anyone about it.
She thought things would be better for her now that the world was saved and she was finally, finally with Adora, the way she had always wanted to be. But in her bliss she had forgotten one important thing life had taught her: things just didn’t work out for Catra the way they did for other people. She didn’t get the happy ending, at least not without significant strings attached. Ropes. Chains. Problems that felt impossible to untangle, problems that stifled her and threatened to strangle the happiness out of her life entirely.
The day had started out beautifully, like so many other mornings at the Bright Moon palace in the month since Catra moved in. It was still a little strange to wake up there with Adora and not alone in her Force Captain’s quarters in the Fright Zone. She felt disoriented when she woke as her drowsy eyes took in the bright morning sun shining on the crystals and pinks and purples around her in Adora’s—no, their room. She uncurled herself lazily from her place at the foot of the bed (they had fallen back into old childhood patterns quickly once they had started sharing a bed again) and looked over at Adora. She was still asleep, her blonde hair fanned out over the pillow, a strand or two laying over her face. Catra smiled to herself as she watched her—friend? lover? Gross, Catra thought, cringing internally—her someone, anyway—snore softly in the morning quiet, fondness warming her as she took in the other girl’s face; soft, unguarded, beautiful. This was a rare treat, as it wasn’t like Adora to wake up after Catra. The years of strict routine growing up in the Horde had made a greater impact on Adora than Catra, who was very much not a morning person. But as much as Catra was enjoying watching Adora sleep, she knew there were other things they could do they would both enjoy more.
Catra made her way quietly to the head of the bed, pausing only briefly to take in Adora’s sleeping form for one last moment before lowering her face to meet her lips in a gentle kiss. It only took a few seconds for Adora to wake up and reciprocate enthusiastically.
Catra pulled away after a moment, unable to stifle the grin that spread across her face. “Hey, Adora,” she said softly.
Adora blinked sleepily and returned the smile. “Hey.” The fondness that had been building within Catra blossomed more deeply as Adora’s piercing gray eyes met hers. She couldn’t resist pouncing on her and peppering her cheeks, her mouth, her jaw, her forehead, with more kisses. Catra felt a wave of something she was only recently able to call love course through her as she heard Adora giggle and felt her smile widen in response to the barrage of affection she was receiving.
“Well good morning to you, too!” Adora laughed, putting her arms around Catra and rolling over so she was on top of the smaller girl. She planted a messy kiss in the middle of her forehead. Catra hummed in delight as she wrapped her arms around Adora’s neck, pulling Adora’s body against hers, their legs tangled in the blankets. Adora obliged and they kissed again, more deeply this time. Excitement began to flow through Catra and she was considering the possible consequences of biting Adora’s lip and intensifying what they had going until Adora gasped and pulled away.
Catra’s insides turned to stone. She must have done something wrong. “What?” she said. What did I do? was the real question, one she was too afraid to ask.
“What time is it?” Adora said brusquely, head whipping to look towards the morning light spilling through the window, not seeing the concern that Catra fought to hide from her face.
“Fuck if I know,” Catra replied lazily, though her heart was pounding. “Anyway, weren’t we—”
Suddenly Adora slapped her forehead. “Scorpia and Perfuma are visiting today! I forgot! We were going to have brunch and then run through some combat formations!”
Catra frowned. Either Adora had forgotten to tell her that people—friends— were visiting, or it had slipped Catra’s mind as well. Catra sat up and yawned. “Combat formations? Seriously? The war is over, Adora, why do you—”
“No time! We’re late! I bet Glimmer and Bow are already there,” Adora interrupted briskly, jumping out of bed and striding purposefully over to the dresser to grab some clean clothes. Annoyance began to prickle in Catra’s stomach.
“How do you know we’re late, you didn’t even look at a clock,” Catra pointed out.
“I can tell by looking at the sun,” Adora replied, pausing to turn and look at Catra as she brushed her hair into her signature ponytail. “Can’t you? They taught us that in the Horde when we were like, ten.”
Catra almost flinched at the mention of the Horde but managed to keep her expression neutral. “I guess I didn’t absorb all of the valuable teachings our superiors passed on to us like you did,” she said, trying to hide her discomfort with reflexive sarcasm.
Adora paused and turned around to face Catra. “Are you okay? Did I do something? I thought you’d be happy to see Scorpia again, at least. It’s been a while.”
Catra suddenly felt ill. She didn’t want to do this with Adora. Not now. “I’m fine.” She got up and pushed past Adora to the dresser she had taken for her own limited wardrobe when she arrived in Bright Moon. Despite her irritation, she smirked to herself when she saw Adora’s eyes follow her as she threw off her sleep shirt and shorts and pulled on her usual outfit. Adora blinked hard and shook her head. “Catra, you can tell me if—”
Catra turned away from Adora. “Let’s just do this,” she muttered, and headed toward the door. She paused, waiting for Adora to follow.
“Well?” she said expectantly, gesturing toward the open doorway. Adora was staring at her, arms crossed and eyes narrowed in concern. After a long moment, she sighed before following Catra out the door.
***
Brunch seemed to stretch on for an eternity. Adora and her friends—Catra’s friends too, now, she supposed— talked and laughed while Catra watched quietly, pushing half-eaten pancakes and eggs on her plate absently with her fork. Her morning was already ruined, and she didn’t have much of an appetite. Every now and then Adora would touch her foot to Catra’s under the table, or squeeze her knee with an encouraging look. The first couple of times Catra ignored her, but when Adora started to seem genuinely concerned Catra forced herself to reciprocate the surreptitious touches with a small smile.
“So, Catra,” Perfuma started cheerfully, taking Catra’s attention away from the remnants of her brunch with a jolt. “What’s it like to live in Bright Moon? Scorpia’s told me a lot about living the Fright Zone and—”
“It’s fine,” she said stiffly, avoiding the princess’s eyes. There was an awkward pause. She looked around the table and swallowed. Everyone was staring at her. Worse, Adora looked—angry? Worried? She wasn’t sure.
“I mean, it’s—good. It’s just. I’m still getting used to it. Very pink. And purple,” she tried to joke.
“Yeah, it really is different, isn’t it?” Scorpia exclaimed. “I’ve been staying in Plumeria while we rebuild my family’s kingdom and seeing PLANTS everywhere is so WILD after living around so much METAL! Plumeria’s great though,” she said, looking at Perfuma.
“I’m glad you think so,” Perfuma said sweetly, and conjured a small red flower. She put it behind Scorpia’s ear gently. Both princesses blushed. It seemed to Catra that the rumors about them were true: she and Adora weren’t the only new couple. Looking over at Bow and Glimmer holding hands, she realized belatedly that this was sort of a triple date. She felt vaguely nauseated. She wished she had never woken Adora up.
Adora cleared her throat. “So Scorpia! Are you still practicing your magic? I was thinking we could do some target practice and then run through strategy. But we can do whatever you feel like.”
Scorpia finally tore her eyes away from Perfuma. “Oh that sounds GREAT! Yeah, I’m still getting used to the whole magic powers thing, so target practice would probably do me some good.”
“Great!” Adora said cheerfully. “If everyone’s done we can— Oh, Catra, are you still eating?”
Catra looked at Adora, then down at her unfinished food. “Uh, no, it’s fine, I’m good,” she said awkwardly.
Adora frowned slightly, then turned to the rest of the group. “Okay, let’s get going!”
A few minutes later, the six of them were gathered in the palace courtyard. Perfuma had conjured three large flowers spaced several feet apart, apparently to serve as targets for Scorpia. “Okay dear,” Perfuma said, clapping her hands together, “try and hit these flowers and I’ll see if I can move them out of the way.”
“Great! Let’s do it!” Scorpia said happily, never one to lack enthusiasm. She adopted a fighting stance facing the plants—and that’s when Catra’s world stopped.
She had seen Scorpia use magic before, so she didn’t understand why it happened at first. But as soon as Catra saw the red crackling energy form around Scorpia’s pincers, she was gone. She was in the Fright Zone, and she was small, and she was in danger. Part of her knew she was in Bright Moon, but most of her was in the Black Garnet chamber, being tortured by the red Runestone’s magic. By Shadow Weaver.
A memory, unbidden: …or I will dispose of you myself! Shadow Weaver’s threat from years ago (or was it from just now?) rang in her ears and electrified her body. She couldn’t breathe. She didn’t know what to do. She ran.
Part of her heard Adora and the others calling after her as she turned and sprinted back into the palace, but most of her wasn’t really there. Every part of her screamed danger, danger, run, run and she didn’t realize she was crying until she made it back to her room and felt the wetness of her tears against the pillow she had shoved her face into. She was shaking and breathing hard and couldn’t calm her racing heart. She curled up in a tight ball on the bed, hiding under the blanket like the scared child she was. She was a mess. No wonder Adora doesn’t really want you. The word distraction rose in her mind in Shadow Weaver’s voice. She sobbed harder.
She didn’t know how long it had been when Adora came for her. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours. The wounded animal she had become, the one she always had been, the one she couldn’t let Adora tame, hissed in surprise when the door creaked open.
Adora flinched at the sound, but regained her composure quickly. “Catra?” She stepped forward into the room slowly. “Catra, are you all right?” She was in protector mode, hero mode, Catra realized, with a wave of annoyance through her terror. Always playing the hero, Catra wanted to say, but she was in no state for sarcasm.
Adora stepped closer. “Catra?” she said quietly, more cautiously. Catra sniffed and rolled over, her back to Adora. She hated crying, hated the inevitably faucet-like runny nose it always gave her almost more than the weakness it betrayed.
There was silence for a moment, then soft footsteps. Catra felt Adora’s weight sink into the firm mattress next to her. She felt something on her back and startled, causing Adora to gasp. Her hand, Catra realized belatedly. She still wasn’t able to think clearly but she knew she didn’t want Adora to go away, not really, not when she couldn’t handle being alone with her dark, horrible thoughts. She took a deep breath and rolled over to face Adora, eyes squeezed shut. She grabbed Adora’s shirt and buried her face in it, body wracked with sobs.
“I’m here, it’s okay, Catra. It’s okay.” She heard Adora’s voice dimly, felt her tentatively and then more firmly petting her hair. The world was starting to come back to her. Slowly, she loosened her grip on Adora’s shirt, realizing with a pang of guilt that her claws had probably ruined it.
She opened her eyes tentatively, afraid of what they might show her. A part of her, smaller now, thought she might see a red and black mask looking back. But for once she was glad to see pinks and purples, and gladder still to see Adora peering cautiously down at her.
Adora almost looked as terrified as Catra had felt. “Catra? What happened?” she asked quietly. “Everyone’s really worried.”
Catra knew that it wasn’t fair, but she felt like she had been slapped. Everyone? Not you? she wanted to say. But she swallowed hard and looked up at Adora again and saw that her eyes carried nothing but love—she just barely allowed herself to think the word.
“I—” Catra tried. She took a deep, ragged breath and tried again, but all she could choke out was “I can’t—”
Suddenly the wind was knocked out of her. Adora had her in a bone-squeezing embrace. “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.” She seemed to be trying to convince herself as much as Catra. “I’ll stay with you until you can.” Catra didn’t know what she meant by that; didn’t know if Adora knew either, but she didn’t care. Adora had said the magic word: stay. For the moment, it was enough.