Chapter Text
The energy rush from the cold night air paired with the adrenaline didn’t last very long and by the time Diluc passed Windrise he already started to regret his decision of venturing out in the middle of the night. However going back now would make him feel even worse because not only would he have accomplished nothing, but wouldn’t have an outlet for his emotions which would only lead to his thoughts spiraling even more than he already did.
Diluc knew how unhealthy this behavior was but pretending like he doesn’t care and avoiding the act of thinking altogether was a lot easier than actually talking to Jean...and Varka…..and..Kaeya…...and fuck he was doing it again.
It was allowing himself to think and feel again. At this point Diluc could feel his eyes starting to tear up but instead of just wiping them away angrily and chastising himself for accidentally allowing this to happen like he would usually do in this situation, he let the tears fall silently for once.
The wet streaks on his cheeks became uncomfortably cold when light gusts of wind brushed over his face like a comforting caress. “Oh leave me alone Venti,” Diluc mumbled and quickly wiped the tears off his face.
But it was futile as he couldn’t stop more and more tears from falling and by the time he almost reached the Thousand Winds Temple he was sobbing loudly and ugly without restraint.
Diluc decided to take a break from walking and sat down atop the Temple of the Wolf to calm down before reaching his destination. The second he sat down he collapsed in on himself and couldn’t do much than to hold his face up in his trembling hands as the sobs shook his entire being. Everything felt like way too much and like the entire world would collapse on top of him. Or perhaps that's what he most wished at that moment.
As freeing and therapeutic crying for the first time in too long was, Diluc started to freeze from not moving so he used his claymore to heave himself up before he could even seriously consider falling asleep on the spot which would probably result in his death, considering the vicinity to several hillichurl camps. Before staring to walk again he wiped off his tears, straightening his clothes and trying a weak smile to convince himself he was alright.
Diluc gripped his weapon tighter as he approached the ruins of the Thousand Winds Temple to distract himself from the nervousness bubbling up inside of him. Defeating a ruin guard wasn’t something completely impossible to accomplish but Diluc knew that it was way out of his league in both his current mental and physical state.
When Diluc could see the broken gates to the temple rising in front of him, the sounds of the endlessly wandering started to fill the silent night and Diluc couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for the machine.
Maybe because he could relate to it in a sense. He knew exactly that he was one of the most privileged people in all of Mondstadt, both financially but also considering his chances in life but still everything felt like Diluc was walking in never-ending circles, just like the ruin guard did.
Diluc let his severely sick brain choose between attacking the machine which would most likely result in his death or leaving even the temple behind him and walking up to Starsnatch Cliff which could just as well result in Diluc’s death, considering the mental state he was in at that exact moment.