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Atsushi’s ability gave him some advantages.
Everyone knew that given him being the tiger, he had some extremely bizarre, inhuman traits. Super speed, godly regeneration, immunity to bullets in his tiger form;
But what was a slightly less known fact was that in addition to all of these traits, his senses were greatly heightened. Atsushi himself wasn’t aware of this fact until a few months after he joined the ADA when he had a certain conversation with Kyouka about the smell of hibiscus tea, always assuming that the way he perceived the world was the same as everyone else, but it was something he accepted fairly quickly. It made sense after all; Atsushi, the tiger, had hyper-senses. The sky was blue, grass was green, Akutagawa was mean, Dazai-san liked women. (Wait, what?)
An even less known fact, and one that after realizing was something attributed to the tiger he had felt wary to share in fear of becoming someone people felt the need to be on edge around (although he was sure some knew anyways), was that he could smell feelings. It was one of the only parts of Atsushi’s ability that he had genuinely felt grateful to have, as it always made everyone feel so much closer to him, so much more human, and it softened his heart. There was something calming about being able to feel what other people felt, to be allowed to feel that much closer to everyone.
Ranpo-san’s unmistakable care for Yosano-sensei even through all his ego, Kyouka-chan and Kenji-kun’s bond, Kunikida-san’s well hidden appreciation and fondness of his partner, and even Tanizaki and Naomi’s questionable care for each other; it was heartwarming to feel it like they did.
Everyone had them, feelings. he was certain of this fact.
But there was one person he could never seem to smell anything on. (besides what seems to be the permanent smell of cheap sake, crab, and chemicals)
Dazai-san.
He had always theorized, chalked it up to Dazai-san’s ability somehow deflecting his own power to smell his feelings, turning off Dazai’s mind for inspection, being that it was an attribute Atsushi only has because of the tiger. It was in character, Atsushi thought, although he sometimes wished he could smell Dazai-san’s feelings too, if no reason but to understand him just a little better.
But right now, as they stood at the meeting place agreed upon by the president and the leader of the Port Mafia, he felt it.
At first Atsushi wrote it off, blamed it on Kunikida-san or Yosano-sensei or maybe even Ranpo-san because there was no way, but it was unmistakable. It couldn’t be theirs. The scent was faint as Ranpo-san’s emotions often were, but sharp like Yosano-sensei’s. It cut through the air like a knife but it was so faint that it seemed as if it wasn’t there at all.
If Atsushi was even a little less hyper-aware of the situation he was in right now, he might as well have missed it. But now that he’s noticed it, it feels like its the only thing he can pay attention to;
like an assassins knife, Atsushi thought.
Sharp and dangerous, but almost invisible. It was much like Yosano’s actually, but it wasn’t the same. Atsushi couldn’t seem to put his finger on it, but he knew it was different.
Then it hit him.
Unlike Yosano-sensei’s feelings, where they cut through the air in a clean and detached slide, almost with medical precision, this person’s emotions (or at least this one) were ragged and misplaced. It cut with unclean hands, and lingered. almost as if the knife was coated with poison. It sliced haphazardly, with little regard, and even after the initial slash, didn’t seem to leave, seeping into the air, an unpleasant addition, a new constant, similar to how blood can never truly be erased.
This, whatever it is, it was wrong. The emotion was all wrong and didn’t fit together, like the owner didn’t accept it as part of them, the raggedness showing that the owner was trying to fend it off, frustrated it wouldn’t go away. People could try to fend off a certain emotion consciously, but never unconsciously. The subconscious mind knew that the emotion belonged there, because no matter how negative the emotion was, it was theirs. It had been their whole life. But this, it was different. It was as if it was shoved there and was forced to live there against its recipient’s wishes. Even the unconscious mind fought for it to disappear, because it wasn’t theirs. It didn’t belong to the person that possessed it, hanging there like it was proving something to the person that was forced to feel it just by existing. What it proved, what it was a permanent marker of, was something Atsushi could not grasp. It wasn’t pure like the deep way the ADA felt emotion, it was filtered, shredded, molded and planted-
It was impossible to pay attention to the meeting and whatever sentences spouted from the president’s and the Port Mafia leader’s and whoever else was speaking’s lips as he quickly looked to the mafia members, thinking, no way, something like this, something this ugly, something this wrong, could only belong to someone who leads that life. but as he lifted his head, Atsushi was unsurprisingly met with nothing.
He tried to make out what it was they were feeling, to get away from this one, to focus on something new, anything new, but his brain couldn’t and it was hyper-focused on this smell that seemed so so close but it couldn’t be and he couldn’t smell anything else even though it was so faint, so faint but so strong and he knew who it was coming from but he couldn’t bring himself to look but he couldnt deny it any longer and so he moved his head with a shortened breath and let his eyes settle on his mentors still figure;
and Atsushi instantly regretted it;
because he knew Dazai-san knew he was looking at him, and he waited for the man to turn:
1….
2…
3..
4..
5..
but he didn’t. Nothing of what the smell indicated was even evident in his stance. He seemed relaxed, content and collected as Dazai-san always was. Almost too relaxed.
Atsushi allowed himself to calm down a fraction, preparing for Dazai to look at him, but he still didn’t do anything. The man didn’t move, not an inch, not even there. Invisible. Now that Atsushi was looking more closely, it was almost as if he wasn’t breathing.
As if he wasn’t at the meeting at all, but somewhere else;
and Atsushi didn’t want to follow that thought and still couldn’t figure out what it really was that this emotion was or why on earth he could smell Dazai-san’s emotions now of all times or why this smell was even coming from someone like Dazai-san at all and nothing was making sense and he couldn’t focus any longer because someone was calling his name but-
“Brat?” it was Kunikida-san. Atsushi turned his head to look up at the man beside him, who was eyeing him through his glasses, hiding concern.
“Kunikida-san?”
“I know that this meeting must be anxiety inducing, considering its your first time accompanying, but please refrain from looking so panicky. People are looking at you. If you are not feeling up to it, I can lead you outside.”
Atsushi suddenly felt aware of just how much he was shaking and looked to the Port Mafia members to confirm Kunikida’s words, unsurprisingly finding that several of them, including the boss himself, were staring at him. The meeting had paused. Dazai was still.
The boy took a deep breath and swallowed, getting ready to tell Kunikida he couldn’t stay here anymore, but he couldn’t say it. Silence hung in the air as everyone waited for him to respond, to leave, but Atsushi couldn’t. He had to stay. He knew meetings like these were going to happen more often and if he wanted to be useful he would have to get used to it; to whatever this is; and so he found himself saying:
“No, no, Kunikida-san. It’s ok; uh, I’m sorry for interrupting, please continue..”
It was the right thing to do, Atsushi thought. He stared at the ground looking at no one in particular, scared to look up at all the people staring at him, and did a small bow. The weretiger could feel Akutagawa roll his eyes at him. He looked up when he felt Kunikida nodding to him sympathetically, smiling awkwardly.
“Ok. Let me know if it becomes too much. My apologies as well for the interruption. Let us continue,”
Kunikida looked back at the Port Mafia’s leader with eyes of steel and Atsushi fleetingly thought that he wished he could be as steady and in control of himself as Kunikida-san. The meeting resumed. Dazai was still.
-
As they continued on, Atsushi forced himself to focus. This was the first Port Mafia and ADA meeting he had been told to come along for, and he did not want to make bad first impressions, considering the ADA and the Port Mafia were working together more and more in recent times. He did not want to be seen as weak by the people who were deemed important enough to attend the meeting on the Port Mafia’s side, so he tried to listen, tried to force the smell into the background of his mind as he listened intently. The meeting droned on. Dazai was still.
“Then we are agreed? We will meet at one of the Port Mafia’s front businesses in a month’s time to avoid any tails and surveillance to discuss this and the expected new information in further detail, correct?”
“We are, Fukuzawa-dono. Im glad we are on the same page. Unfortunately, tails will be unavoidable for now but we will try our best to minimize. Regarding the favor we had negotiated-“
“Do not continue, Mori-sensei. The conflict with the Decay of Angels is far from over.”
Mori clicked his tongue, “Ah, if you say so. A shame really, I was hoping to set some expectations beforehand so the Agency know what to expect when the time comes, now that Dazai-kun is finally here to join us. Speaking of such, tell me Dazai-kun, how did prison treat you?”
Dazai’s head snapped up at the sound of his name. Atsushi twitched.
He watched as Dazai’s breath forced itself back into his body and as after what seemed to be centuries from the time the meeting started, his mouth finally opened. The rest of his body stayed still. The emotion bristled.
“Better than the Port Mafia ever did,” was the response. It seemed mechanical, like Dazai didn’t say it himself, but his mouth still moved as if on autopilot. Atsushi bit his lip.
“Ah, you wound me. I do miss you nowadays, you know?”
“Know the feeling is not mutual. Maybe you should have considered that before you drove me out, Mori-san.”
“I thought I taught you not to lie to yourself. There will always be a place for you by my side, Dazai-kun.”
“There will always be a place for you in hell.”
“Likewise. You know you belong to me.”
No response. Dazai was still. The emotion was too. Mori smiled.
Dazai’s breath disappeared from his body before it could even truly make a difference. He was gone again.
Still.
The silence was palpable, so much so that Atsushi almost forgot entirely about the smell. It seemed as if time had stopped and Atsushi thought he caught a glimpse of rage in the executive with orange hair’s eyes before Fukuzawa moved to cut through the tension, distaste clear in his voice.
“I believe this meeting has gone on too long. Goodbye, Mori-sensei. We have no further business with you.”
Mori hummed in amusement. “Until next time, Fukuzawa-dono. It was lovely seeing you again, Dazai-kun.”
Dazai was still.
-
As they walked back to the agency, Atsushi finally realized.
The emotion was fear.
His breath never came back.