Chapter Text
As it is, Shen Yuan wonders how his life came to this. Maybe it sounds ungrateful of him- to wonder how exactly he ended up here, in the lap of luxury. But the thought is inevitable- Shen Yuan doesn’t think he’s suited for this kind of life- It’s lonely and tiring (and it’s only the first time he’s done something like this, too!), in spite of how this very event was supposed to be one of the happiest of his life. And it would be, if Shen Yuan were anything but the ungrateful creature he is. Sure, Shen Yuan’s day to day life, which largely included reading shitty webnovels and allowing himself to be the true shut-in he is, was lonely too, but real. Not suffocating and tiring like this. He knows his habits are horrid to any normal person but he can’t help it, okay? Yet somehow, here he was! Surrounded by snotty rich people who avidly judge him for like, breathing too loudly. Yeah. Even what should be the reassuring weight of his fiance’s hand on his lower back doesn’t calm the roaring tides of unease within him like it usually did.
Glancing upwards, it seems said fiance does not outwardly share any of his disquiet. Though Yue Qingyuan is smiling placidly, the corners of his eyes wrinkle in what Shen Yuan recognizes as faux courtesy. The one standing before them does not beget any real deference- even with the limited knowledge of upper class circles Shen Yuan has, this he knows for a fact. Lao Gongzhu or the Old Palace Master, as he introduced himself to Shen Yuan- something about him strikes Shen Yuan as particularly slimy and that's coming from someone who met his fair share of rich and disgustingly slimy old men. Perhaps the way he’s caught the Old Palace Masters belligerent gaze lingering on him on one too many uncomfortable occasions, or the way Yue Qingyuan casually pulls him closer (which he never does)- Shen Yuan’s decided he hates being around him. Shen Yuan actively fights the urge to pull away from both his fiance and the Old Palace Master to flee somewhere more secluded where he won't be stared at like this.
The shining new engagement band weighing his hand down, though, gives him a pause before can do anything as cowardly (yet in character) as fleeing. Yue Qingyuan’s proposal had not come out of nowhere, no matter how stupefied Shen Yuan felt about it. They’d been dating for nearly half a decade- they’d met when Shen Yuan was freshly twenty one and Yue Qingyuan was nearing his thirties. As it was, it was due time they got married- Yue Qingyuan wasn’t getting any younger!
Their love story was the very common poster board for any queer romance- Shen Yuan following the lead of a much older, much wiser gay man, while still finding his own likes and dislikes. Yue Qingyuan was the safe choice. Shen Yuan had come out of the closet as a reluctant bisexual only a few months before meeting Yue Qingyuan and falling in love. It was perfect, if one looked at it simply from an outsider's point of view. Shen Yuan was spared the pain of a first heartbreak, because he was decidedly engaged to his first and only love. He has someone who treats him with love and care, who spoils him in fineries and regards him with only the gentlest of care. What more could he want?
And yet—-—-
Shen Yuan was really a piece of work, wasn't he? Entertaining contradicting feelings about his life choices so far into his adulthood. He was twenty six now- half a decade too old to think about such frivolities about what could have been. What he had here, now- a solid weight against his lower back, the gentle smile of a man who loved him- it was enough. More than he deserved, certainly.
He’s reminded of this when Yue Qingyuan’s hand slips from his lower back, to his waist, pulling him securely against his side. “Unfortunately our ceremony will be quite intimate and personal. Isn’t that right, Yuan’er?”
Shen Yuan quickly clicks back into place, turning and giving the Old Palace Master a faux smile. He lets himself lean into Yue Qingyuan’s side, his reassuring presence somehow still doing nothing to quell his anxiety. “Yes. We’re limiting it to immediate family and close friends.”
“Ah, that truly is unfortunate. I would have loved to attend.” The Old Palace Master laments, gazing thoughtfully at where Shen Yuan and Yue Qingyuan are joined. Something about the look he’s giving them makes Shen Yuan want to shudder. Gross.
“It isn’t cause to offend, it is simply our preference…” Yue Qingyuan’s voice eventually drowns back out as Shen Yuan allows himself to become disconnected from the conversation again. Ah, truly- he wasn’t built for these kinds of events, was he? It felt like he’d been watching himself interact with all these strangers dissociatively for a good while now.
Sooner rather than later, Shen Yuan felt himself being led away from the Old Palace Masters lecherous gaze, towards a more secluded area of the ballroom they currently resided in. Truly glancing around for the first time in the few hours the party had started, Shen Yuan gaped a little. Yue Qingyuan had truly gone all out for their engagement party- the walls were quite literally gilded in gold, tables of high class affluent people surrounded by the most expensive of wines and champagnes. A quiet yet courteous show of power, a warning for those who threatened Cang Qiong- he knew. But still, it stirred a little something within him, to see someone go this far for him.
Just a little something.
“Yuan’er seems overwhelmed.” Yue Qingyuan whispers comfortingly, a hand coming to fidget with the ring he’d put on Shen Yuan’s finger only a few days ago. Yue Qingyuan, ever observant- of course he’d noticed Shen Yuan wasn’t exactly enjoying himself. Sometimes Shen Yuan thinks Yue Qingyuan knows him better than he knows himself. Always noticing what he’s feeling before he realizes it himself. It’s odd- it makes him feel uncomfortably vulnerable, but touched.
“Mn. Just a little.” He admits sheepishly, shifting his weight from foot to foot awkwardly. Shen Yuan did not come from a highly affluent family like Yue Qingyuan. Dating him had introduced him to the fineries of life, of course, but it didn’t mean Shen Yuan felt exactly at home in settings like this. He wondered if he ever would.
“Why doesn’t Yuan’er go take a breath on the balcony?” Yue Qingyuan suggests softly, affectionately running the pad of his thumb over Shen Yuan’s knuckles. The tenderness of it makes Shen Yuan shudder. “It’ll help you calm your nerves. We’ve got a long night ahead of us, afterall.” Right- this was their party. It wouldn’t be appropriate for Shen Yuan to show this anxious part of himself here, right? When he’s being microanalyzed by all these people- best not to show any signs of weakness. How careless of him.
“En. Qi-ge doesn’t mind if I leave him alone for a bit?” Shen Yuan finally glances up at him, eyes watching for any sign of discomfort. In that moment, Shen Yuan notices a lot of things- he looks tired, more than usual; the bags under eyes not giving him his usual wise yet handsome quirk. Though he’s as prim and proper as ever, to Shen Yuan’s trained eye, there's a bit of a disheveled look to him as well. It’s guilt wrenching how quickly Shen Yuan is overcome with relief- he isn’t the only one who’s felt uneasy at the prospect of this whole event. He isn’t alone.
“This Qi-ge doesn’t mind. Go.” Yue Qingyuan gives him one final smile, urging him towards a secluded balcony at the edge of the venue, facing a vast garden lit by the soft moonlight. Shen Yuan shoots Yue Qingyuan a genuine smile- probably his first of the night- before retreating into the moonlit shadows.
Here, Shen Yuan allows himself a moment to think, the muted sounds of the party behind him becoming distant. The cold winter air grounds him, filling his lungs with a sense of relief. It was so suffocating, to be in there with all those people. Would Yue Qingyuan excuse him from attending any more events like this? He indulged most of Shen Yuan’s whims on impulse… maybe he would let him get away with this too!
Yeah, no. Hopeful but foolish thinking. Yue Qingyuan was the owner and CEO of Cang Qiong Enterprises, a major and largely influential company among high class circles in Shanghai. Shen Yuan slumps over the edge of the balcony ungracefully, groaning out loud. As his fiance and more importantly, future husband, of course he had to be a present figure in any of these events. What kind of husband would he be if he wasn’t? People would start questioning Yue Qingyuan’s power if he did that kind of thing. It was Shen Yuan’s moral obligation, to be around and support him, in sickness and in health.
Yet, the thought of spending his life like this, it was—--
“Ah, it seems I’ve intruded. My sincerest apologies.”
Shen Yuan whips around with no sense of grace, large gold rimmed glasses nearly whipping off his face in the process. Before he can question whether the person before him saw him acting so uncouth, he’s overtaken by a raw sense of surprise so powerful it nearly crumples him.
The man standing before him is probably one of the prettiest people Shen Yuan’s ever seen, no questions asked. And that was saying something– Yue Qingyuan was pretty in his own right, and he was nearly 40 and graying! He, of course, had a more rugged wise look to him, that of an elder who’s learned much in his years. It was what had appealed to Shen Yuan originally, after all. Shen Yuan wasn’t engaged to some smuck- Yue Qingyuan was undeniably attractive!
But this… Shen Yuan feels eighteen again, going through his first sexuality crisis. Yeah, at his rather big age of eighteen, Shen Yuan had his first sexual crisis over one of his long time (and very heterosexual!) friends, Liu Qingge. Shen Yuan had been in denial his entire life, to the point he hadn’t really allowed himself to question until he was out of his parents home and in the world on his own. Liu Qingge had been that awakening for him, a rather rude awakening, post a shirtless workout session. Shen Yuan feels the same way he felt then- nervous, warm, and strangely sweaty- almost like a teenager again, so insanely gay, bluntly put.
Shen Yuan has never been the most articulate person to exist (though he’s admittedly quick to quip others for not being so either. One look at his weibo account and all his scalding reviews said enough!) but by gods, the poetry he could wax about how insanely beautiful this man is would likely win awards, just on the basis of how pretty he is! And Shen Yuan can’t even really see him all that well, there’s not much lighting out here other than the moonlight! But said moonlit sky cuts a perfect figure before him, drowned in soft white light and porcelain skin.
Shen Yuan is way too old and way too engaged to be having a crisis like this.
“Is this young master alright?” The man tries again. He’s giving him a concerned look, and Shen Yuan nearly balks. His voice is unfairly deep yet soft like velvet. All the while Shen Yuan feels like he’s having an aneurysm trying to come up with an excuse for why he’s not only out here, but visibly reddening under the man’s concerned stare.
“Y–Yes! I’m fine. Just taking a break from….” He gestures vaguely, towards the party taking place behind them, averting his eyes. This guy’s looks are too much, he can’t even think! “... all that.”
The man chuckles and Shen Yuan’s having literal heart palpitations. Great! “Understandable. Do you mind if I take a ‘break’ here, as well?” He shoots Shen Yuan a small smile and it makes him feel like his face might burst with how red it is. Why is he like this?!
“That’s acceptable.” He lands on lamely, turning back to face the garden before them. Feigning calmness is his expertise! Just stare at the flowers, Shen Yuan, not the insanely attractive man to your left!
“My name is Luo Binghe, by the way.” He says, totally ruining Shen Yuan’s plan of simply staring at the flowers and ignoring him. This Luo Binghe… Shen Yuan’s never heard of him. Must be no one of real importance then; otherwise Yue Qingyuan would have made Shen Yuan privy to his name in the least, as he did with all other relevant guests.
Shen Yuan gives his own reluctant smile. “I’m Shen Yuan.” Though you probably already know that, given this is my party, goes unsaid. Shen Yuan takes the hand extended to him, momentarily enraptured by how much larger Luo Binghe’s hand is than his own. The pads of his thick fingers are very calloused yet devastatingly gentle when they give Shen Yuan’s much smaller elegant hand a squeeze.
“The star of the night hides among the stars of the clear sky, I wonder why that is….” Luo Binghe offers, turning to face the sky with what looks like another small smile. Shen Yuan snorts quietly yet ungracefully, tearing Luo Binghe’s gaze away from the night sky. What an obnoxiously elegant way of asking why he’s out here.
“It’s…. a lot, in there.” He murmurs, unaware of why he’s even explaining himself to this man. Words come out before he can even stop them, though. “I needed a beat.”
“Don’t push yourself. It takes some getting used to.” Luo Binghe offers, leaning onto the railing and turning in his direction. Shen Yuan sighs, fiddling with the engagement ring on his finger and averting his gaze. It’s a simple golden wedding band, which is to be expected of Yue Qingyuan, who prefers simplicity when not forced to put out for others. He’s romantic, yet predictable- which is fine, because Shen Yuan doesn’t think he’d very well like a spontaneous lover. Inside the ring, there’s a personal engraving that states: “i promise myself to you, my beloved”; it makes Shen Yuan’s chest feel tight with something he can’t quite decipher.
After a long moment, Shen Yuan holds the ring in his palm, closing his fingers over the golden band. “Don’t know if I ever will– get used to this. Or enjoy it.” Why he’s saying this to a stranger is truly beyond him. Maybe he’s had one too many cups of expensive wine or Luo Binghe’s just so attractive Shen Yuan can’t help but want to spill all his secrets. Whatever it is, he’s tired and can’t find it within himself to care.
“It’s just … When I think of my life, this isn’t exactly what I imagined.”
Luo Binghe regards Shen Yuan quietly for a moment, his gaze intense in a way that makes Shen Yuan want to squirm. Instead, he quells his anxiety by slipping the engagement ring back on his finger, adjusting his large glasses awkwardly. “Sorry, you probably don’t care to hear—”
“There are many things we must compromise for in life.” Luo Binghe begins, stepping closer and thoroughly into Shen Yuan’s space. Maybe Luo Binghe didn’t notice what he was doing, but he’s cornered Shen Yuan, crowding him bodily into the balcony railing— “It is simply the way life works. Even the greatest emperors wrought success by compromising with those around them on occasion.” It feels like his voice has dropped an octave, soft and gravely as he leans ever closer, but Shen Yuan’s not really in his right mind right now so maybe he’s imagining it. And maybe, just maybe, the way his eyes are so intense draw Shen Yuan in just right; light a heat so intense within him Shen Yuan feels like he might suffocate if he doesn’t do something. He really just might, if Luo Binghe doesn’t back away right now, if he himself doesn’t back away right now— “But one’s happiness shouldn’t be up for compromise. Maybe Shen Yuan should consider—” His large arms cage Shen Yuan in against the balcony and now Luo Binghe is staring at his— oh, his lips — “A better option…”
“Bro— Shen Yuan….?!”
Shen Yuan startles so hard he nearly uppercuts Luo Binghe in the chin with the top of his head, whipping to slip from beneath Luo Binghe’s arms faster than he’s ever done anything. God– his heart’s racing so hard, is this what a heart attack feels like? He really feels like he’s having one– Oh my god. Oh my god, what was he about to do?
Luckily, Shang Qinghua wipes the shocked look off his face quickly. “—- Bro. Liu Qingge’s looking for you. Pretty sure Yue Qingyuan is too. Let’s— uh, let’s... go?” The last bit of his sentence comes out high pitched and awkward, in a very Shang Qinghua fashion. He’s not looking at Shen Yuan either. His eyes land somewhere to his left and the expression he’s making isn’t pleasant. Well, that’s also typical of Shang Qinghua since he tended not to be the most pleasant to begin with, but still, that look is a bit overboard. Shen Yuan turns back around on instinct and finds Luo Binghe staring back at him blankly, before a polite smile frames his perfect features.
“It was nice meeting you.” Luo Binghe states politely, with not an ounce under a courteous persona like before. Somehow, it still makes Shen Yuan shiver. He nods hastily, raising a hand to wave goodbye, not trusting his voice enough to speak. Quickly, he ushers towards Shang Qinghua, grabbing him by the arm and walking away.
As they walk away, Shen Yuan whispers furiously in his ear. “I’ll explain later. Not a word. Not a fucking word, Shang Qinghua.”
“Okay, okay! Got it. These lips are sealed.” Shang Qinghua reassures, eyes darting back towards the balcony behind them. Shen Yuan doesn’t look back, doesn’t dare. His heart cant deal with it.
What he misses and Shang Qinghua regrettably doesnt, is this: Luo Binghe, watching as they retreat, eyes enraptured with an intense focus on Shen Yuan and only Shen Yuan.