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Iruka was a touchy feely drunk and Kakashi was okay with that. He didn’t mind Iruka sliding next to him, hugging him, kissing his cheek, playing with his hair and generally touching him in some way all the time.
He quite enjoyed it, in fact. Sober Iruka was pretty proper, and their public displays of affection were limited to holding hands or quick hugs. Iruka said he didn’t want to make people around them uncomfortable and Kakashi understood that. However, he still enjoyed drunk Iruka and his shenanigans.
But right now he didn’t have time for that. Kotetsu had said something so unbelievably stupid and incorrect that Kakashi couldn’t take it. They had been arguing about the philosophy of economics and ethics for a good half an hour in Anko’s small balcony. They sipped their beers and smoked in a row, trying to get each other to understand their point of views.
Being tipsy helped neither of them.
Loud, sudden crash made them both jump. They looked inside through the window and saw Izumo and Iruka rolling on the floor, the first one holding his head in pain and the latter laughing his ass off. Kakashi didn't really want to know the source of the crashing sound.
“Truce and help them out?” Kotetsu asked and Kakashi nodded. He dumped his cigarette and followed Kotetsu back inside.
Anko had thrown a party for her friends just because she felt like it, so of course they went. They had been celebrating the upcoming summer holidays and the end of exam season with their friends.
Kakashi wasn’t much of a partygoer, but he had to admit it had been fun – at least until Kotetsu opened his mouth. Well, in hindsight it maybe wasn’t that bad. He chuckled as he looked around the living room.
While they had been doing their mental acrobatics over an irrelevant subject, others had gotten abso-fucking-lutely shitfaced.
Realizing the state of their friends, Kotetsu and Kakashi really called it a truce and decided to continue their philosophical ranting some other time. Everyone, including Gai, were more drunk than Kakashi had ever seen them.
Kakashi would have suspected this was one of Anko’s plots. She had such a clear crush on Gai it would have been sweet – but only if Gai wasn’t so goddamn oblivious to it all, and if Anko wasn’t so incapable of uttering the actual words of confession out from her mouth. For a second Kakashi thought Anko had gotten them all so fucked up while working up the courage to finally confess her crush to Gai.
But no. Seeing the state of her told Kakashi enough. Anko wasn’t going to confess anything to anyone anytime soon. She was happily snoring in one of her big armchairs, curled up in a ball. Her purple hair was all over her face, but she looked happy and content. That was a wonder too, as the music was blasting and people were yelling around her.
Gai looked like he was going to pass out on a sofa. His hair was a mess and he kept glancing at Anko and blinking slowly.
Maybe it was for the best, Kakashi thought. Perhaps leaving Gai here meant that he and Anko could sort something out. If not now, in the morning then. Gai could sleep on the sofa, as he'd probably pass out on it anyway.
Besides, it helped Kakashi, because it was clear Iruka needed help getting home as well, and dragging half unconscious Gai around wasn’t what Kakashi had planned. No, he’d definitely rather curl up next to Iruka, no matter how drunk anyone was.
“So the party’s over, huh?” Genma asked from the couch where he was seated next to almost passed out Gai, “Maybe I’ll head home too.”
Genma got up, walked surprisingly straight, turned off the music and started cleaning some of the bottles and other trash from the living room.
Kotetsu was pulling snickering Izumo up from the floor and Iruka was trying to pull him back down.
“Noooo, Izumo, don’t gooooo,” Iruka whined as Kotetsu tried to force Izumo up. It was difficult though, and not only because of Iruka: Izumo was laughing and going limp, and Kotetsu was groaning with irritation.
“Okay, I think we should head home as well,” Kakashi said and went to help Iruka up, earning a grateful look from Kotetsu.
“But we were having fun,” Iruka complained and Izumo burst out laughing again.
“Sure thing,” Kakashi chuckled and tried to pull Iruka up despite his whining.
“Thanks for the night,” Genma said and waved at them.
Kakashi quickly waved back. Genma seemed fine enough to survive home on his own.
Kakashi got Iruka on his feet, and Iruka instantly grabbed him in a hug.
“You’re cute,” Iruka told him quietly and kissed his nose.
Kakashi chuckled. He smoothed Iruka’s messy hair and moved it away from his face. Yeah, he liked drunk Iruka.
But this – he wasn’t sure what this was. This wasn’t just drunk Iruka, he realized on their way to Iruka’s place. They had been dating only six months, and Kakashi wasn’t that big of a partygoer. Iruka went out more with his friends, but Kakashi had rarely seen him this drunk.
He decided he should definitely up his party game if this was the reward. Drunk Iruka was cute and funny.
While drunk, Iruka was usually babbling about anything and everything, but tonight he was just way too hilarious with his drunken questioning.
It started off with an innocent ’Would you still think I look good if I cut my hair short’, then it moved to ’Would you date me if I was taller than you’. Then Iruka wanted to know if Kakashi would still like him if he bleached his hair to match Kakashi’s, and if Kakashi would date him if Iruka was allergic to dogs.
That last one was actually a tricky one, but Kakashi just assured Iruka that he would. Iruka could take some pills for it, right?
Because there was no way he could live without a dog forever. Pakkun would move in with him after he got a steady job, even if that meant negotiating the dog caring deal with his dad again. Seriously, the old man hadn’t even wanted a dog in the first place, and now he was hogging Pakkun! And that little traitor just ate the treats and wagged his tail.
Kakashi was drawn from his musings by Iruka again.
”Would you still date me if I was a woman in my fifties and I had an enormous bust?” Iruka slurred as they reached the front door.
Kakashi did his best to suppress his laughter.
”Babe, you know I’m like 99,99 percent gay. But if it was you, sure,” Kakashi said, not thinking about it too much, fishing Iruka’s key out of his pocket and opening the door for them.
He made sure Iruka drank water, washed his teeth and combed his hair before he ushered him into bed. Iruka rented the tiniest apartment in a sketchy area, but it was all his. Kakashi liked to stay there – even if the small place was quite rundown, he never had the same kind of peace. Gai was his roommate and he had the bad habit of being home or coming home at the wrong time. That man did not understand the meaning of sock on the door.
Kakashi helped Iruka with his clothes. Iruka was complaining that his t-shirt was trying to attack him, and Kakashi helped said clothing off before Iruka managed to strangle himself with it.
”What did you drink tonight? I mean yeah, I was there too, but babe, you’re so drunk,” Kakashi chuckled as Iruka lulled to the bed.
Iruka rolled so he could see Kakashi and laughed with a mischievous face.
”I drank with Genma,” he whispered like it was a big secret, as if someone in the empty room might hear him.
”What did he give you?” Kakashi asked, and knew it wasn’t anything good even before Iruka answered. With Genma it never was. Maybe he shouldn’t have been arguing with Kotetsu. After all, they were the reasonable ones of the group.
”Dunno, something homemade,” Iruka said with a yawn.
Jesus Christ. Knowing Genma Kakashi was just happy Iruka was alive. Genma was… Experimental with his beverages. One time Kakashi tried his liquids and he threw up everything he put in his mouth for the next 12 hours straight.
He didn’t have time to assess the situation more as Iruka continued his questioning.
”Would you like me if I was a bear?” Iruka asked and looked at him intently.
How and why did he look so cute asking such a ridiculous question?
”An actual bear? The animal? Why would you– Nevermind. No, I wouldn’t like you sexually,” Kakashi said and for reasons Kakashi didn’t want to know, Iruka’s face fell, ”But I’d tame you to be my companion.”
”And you’d take care of me?” Iruka asked with a smile back on his face, and Kakashi nodded.
”Of course I would,” Kakashi said and slid next to Iruka, adjusting himself in the tiny bed, “Just like I’m doing now, when you’re drunk and out of your mind.”
Iruka laughed at him, but then he frowned.
”Would you date me if I was a pea?” Iruka asked quietly.
”A what?” Kakashi must have heard this one wrong.
”A pea”, Iruka repeated louder.
”I– How could I date a pea? And why?” Kakashi asked, lips twitching to smile.
”So you wouldn’t?” Iruka said, and his tone was now accusing.
”Babe, I honestly don’t know how that would work,” Kakashi chuckled, but Iruka looked grim.
”Even if I was a really good pea?” he insisted.
”So good that I’d eat you? I don’t want to eat you, not like that anyway,” Kakashi smirked, but his words didn’t distract Iruka from the subject.
”Wouldn’t you recognise me from a sea of peas so you wouldn’t eat me?”
Kakashi was stunned. He wanted to howl with laughter but he didn’t dare to, not with Iruka’s face so serious.
”I don’t know. Would you have long hair so I’d recognise you?” he asked.
Clearly a mistake.
”I’m a pea, Kakashi! How the fuck would I have hair!” Iruka raised his voice and almost showed Kakashi off the bed. He looked angry, but Kakashi wasn’t worried about a fight.
”You tell me. I don’t know how to spot differences in peas,” he simply said with a smile forcing it's way on his face.
Iruka drew in a sharp breath.
”So you would choose any pea. You could be with anyone. I’m nothing special. I’m not a special pea.”
Were those tears in his eyes? Oh no, this was fun, but Kakashi couldn’t have Iruka drunk crying on him.
Especially about something like this.
”No, babe, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just having a hard time imagining dating a pea. Of course you’re a special pea,” he said quickly, hoping it would resolve things.
Iruka gave him a stern look and poked his chest.
”So would you, or would you not, date me, if I was a pea? Honest answer, Kakashi,” Iruka said firmly and looked at him with such seriousness it took every ounce of willpower for Kakashi not to burst out laughing.
”Tell you what. I would. I would turn myself into a pea as well and move into the same pod with you. Just so I could be with you all the time,” Kakashi promised.
”You would?” Iruka asked and visibly melted as the anger and tension left his body.
”Definitely,” Kakashi answered.
“Two peas in a pod,” Iruka said, “Like we’re now.”
“Yeah, exactly like that,” Kakashi complied with the absurd statement and wrapped the blanket around them tighter, “But peas or not, I think you should sleep now.”
Iruka was already breathing steadily.
“Sweet dreams, sweet pea,” Kakashi chuckled and pushed some stray hair out of Iruka’s face.
He smirked. He was never going to let Iruka live this down.
13 years later
“Would you date me if I was a pea, Iruka?” Kakashi asked.
Iruka groaned.
“For the love of God, Kakashi, you’re never going to let that one go, are you?”
“Never. So, would you?" Kakashi insisted.
"I'm tempted to answer no," Iruka sighed, "But yeah, why the hell not. I'd still date you."