Chapter Text
The moment they set foot on Xen, Benrey knew everything would go to shit.
He tried to warn the team, he really did, but putting important things into words was impossible as hell. He had no idea how the others did it. Sweet Voice was so much easier. He’d just barely learned how to apologize and had a tentative truce with Gordon for the first time after that disastrous ambush.
The alien had no idea that he could feel one emotion so strongly in that moment. Regret was one of the worst human emotions he’s felt by far. 0/10 would not recommend.
And Gordon thought he didn’t care. He cared an awful lot. So much that it scared him sometimes. This shitty little ragtag group of mostly human-adjacent people had become something that Benrey would willingly die for again and again. And he had.
Benrey never had a family, but he liked to think that the Science Team was the start of one. He felt at ease around them- felt like he could be himself. None of them batted an eye when he would do weird alien shit. It was so refreshing, so fun to be around them. He genuinely cared about their feelings and safety. Along the way he learned how to properly show that he liked them. It was touch and go for a while, especially with Gordon. Benrey regretted a lot of things when it came to that guy. It almost scared Benrey how quickly he formed a bond with the ragtag group.
But now that was out the fucking window.
The dumbasses just had to go to Xen. Yeah, the world was ending and all, Benrey knew that. He just didn’t understand why they had to go clean up Black Mesa’s mess. Why their little shitty family? He never wanted to go back to Xen, but of course Benrey had to follow them there. He had to keep them safe, even if it meant that they would hate him again.
He couldn’t stop himself from losing his admittedly weak grip on his human facade the moment he stepped foot in his home realm. It was instinctual. Xen was dangerous, and to survive you had to be the next biggest and strongest thing because literally everything was out to kill you in this shitty place.
And Benrey? He was the apex predator of Xen.
Or so he thought.
Mere moments after he was settled back into something closer to his true form, the euphoric feeling of being able to finally stretch was overshadowed by a strange tugging sensation. It was barely noticeable at first, just a little tingle at the base of his skull, but it quickly grew, causing Benrey’s head to feel fuzzy.
What the fuck was going on?
He distantly registered the sounds of the Science team shouting. They sounded scared, and angry. That was normal, though, and the pounding in his skull prevented Benrey from feeling concerned, let alone truly realizing that seeing him was the cause of their distress. The pulling was distracting as hell, and he didn’t even notice that he’d reverted back to old habits when he mustered up the thought process to respond to Gordon’s accusations. His mouth moved particularly slow, and the words he couldn’t even hear himself say were slurred.
A surge of something overtook what little coherence he had. Suddenly he could feel a presence, and panic began creeping up his spine.
It was becoming increasingly apparent that Benrey was no longer the most powerful thing on Xen in the way that mattered right now. Whatever the hell was trying to get into his head was succeeding. Benrey was metaphorically pushed to the back seat in his own mind, fully panicking but unable to express it. It was a bitter relief when Gordon and the others began backing away from him. He never wanted to see them scared of him again, but right now he couldn’t guarantee their safety, not with some asshole rooting around in his head.
Then, something Gordon said registered with alarming clarity.
“I feel like if we move he’s gonna- fuckin’- eat us or something!”
Oh. Oh no. That piqued the interest of the brain fucker. Why the hell would Gordon give it ideas?!
Benrey’s entire body went numb, and he could only watch helplessly through tunneled vision as he moved forward without permission. The science team all yelled in shock as he lunged, big hands with grasping claws bearing down on them. Despite their best efforts, they were no match for Benrey at his full size.
Broken fingers mended near instantly, faster than Coomer could punch, and Bubby’s flames merely licked at his skin harmlessly. They were fighting for their lives, just like they had been for the last few days, but Benrey was something that not even the Science Team could defeat. This was a fight they’d lose, and it was against someone they thought they could trust.
That might be the worst thing about this situation, Benrey decided. The fact that he couldn’t tell them that it wasn’t him. He would never do this. He didn’t want this! He desperately hoped that they knew that.
Coomer and Bubby were wrapped up in Benrey’s fists in mere minutes, snarling and swearing at him. The mind hacker turned their gaze to Gordon and Tommy, who were huddled behind a stalagmite. Tommy stood in front of the trembling human, yellow eyes blazing.
“Benrey!” Tommy shouted up at him, sounding confused and angry. “What are you doing?!”
Benrey didn’t respond. He couldn’t. The bastard using his body like a puppet didn’t respond either.
There was the sickening sound of tearing flesh, and Benrey saw rather than felt the new set of arms that sprouted from his back. They were twisted and inhuman, barely functional. They performed well enough for the asshole in his brain, as they reached to snatch up Gordon and Tommy. The two tried to make a run for it, but Benrey’s mouth opened wide in a horrific shriek that shook the very ground, causing his friends to stumble and giving the new arms ample time to grab them.
Benrey couldn’t feel Gordon’s shaking through the numb hand, but he could plainly see it. He was shouting something, but like Benrey’s other senses, hearing had been eventually stripped from him. His heart ached at the sight of the man, struggling frantically in the too-tight grip, eyes wide and scared. Scared of Benrey. Again.
Benrey threw everything he had at the force, trying to get it to budge, to regain control. He refused to just watch as his friends were murdered by his own hands. His vision was going dark, his final sense slipping from his grasp, but he could still see the four hands holding his family raise up toward his face. Their struggles became even more frantic as the puppeteer opened his mouth wide. Benrey’s heart practically stopped.
No no no no! Not like this! Please, don’t hurt them! Don’t hurt them!
He chanted over and over again, pushing and clawing against the wall keeping him from regaining control. Nothing he did slowed it. Benrey was helpless to watch as his shitty little family was going to be taken from him. He screamed in his mind prison as what little vision he had of the outside world faded to black.
And he was left to drift.
—
It was impossible to tell how much time had passed before Benrey’s consciousness returned. The first thing he became aware of was a deep, all-over ache. As great as it was to feel his body again, the pain sucked ass. Hearing came next, the sound of dripping water was loud and echoey in his ears. Then came taste with the overpowering metallic tang of blood on his tongue. Confused, Benrey pried open his eyes and watched as his surroundings gradually came into focus.
He was in some dark cave, spires of rock stretching up toward the ceiling like talons. Clear water dripped down into a shallow pool that Benrey was currently laying in. The water in the pool was a sickly red color. It didn't take long to realize why.
Several yards away was a bleeding corpse, big enough to rival Benrey’s massive size. The thing was absolutely mangled, to the point where it was near unrecognizable. ‘Near’ being the keyword. Benrey recognized it. That bulbous head was hard to miss.
The Nihilanth.
Ages ago when Benrey still lived on Xen, this fucker was the closest to matching Benrey when it came to the pecking order in this godforsaken realm. Even then it was no match for him, despite its penchant for mind fuckery. Looks like little Nihi filled the spot Benrey left when he decided to go to Earth. Must’ve learned a few new tricks if it was able to get into Benrey’s head-
Oh. Oh fuck. It got into Benrey’s head.
And just like that, the alien’s still-fuzzy brain kicked back into high gear. Blissful ignorance gone, the last memories Benrey had before waking up returned, and with them came a horrible pain in his chest.
His friends- his family!
Benrey gasped and scrambled up on shaky limbs to kneel in the bloody water. He had to brace himself against one of the spires of rock as his head began to spin from the sharp movement. He felt nauseous in more ways than one.
The Nihilanth made him fucking eat his friends, but that wasn’t what was making Benrey spiral at the moment.
It was the worrying lack of weight in his core.
There should be four pissed as hell humans in there, tearing up his organs with flames and punches and bullets, but-
He couldn’t feel them.
He couldn’t feel them.
Benrey’s heart dropped to his feet at that realization. He couldn’t taste human blood in his mouth, he knew that he didn't bite them, that was all he could prevent under the Nihilanth’s control. He’d thought that he stalled his digestive system, too. He was sure he did!
The alien frantically tore open his bullet vest and groped at his middle, clenching muscles and pressing claws into his skin, uncaring of the blood welling in their wake.
This wasn’t happening- this can’t be happening.
“F-Feetman?” He tentatively called. Silence. “Tommy! Bubby! Coomer! P-please, say something!” Benrey began to shout. He knew he wouldn't receive an answer, he knew there was nothing left of them.
He felt sick, but desperately choked back the urge to vomit. He didn’t want to see what remained of his friends. Just the thought made him dizzy with despair. The pain in Benrey’s chest rose to an unbearable burning.
He’d thought that regret was the worst emotion he would ever feel. He was wrong. Grief was like a white-hot knife in his heart, digging deeper and deeper with every gasping breath he took.
With an inhuman keening, Benrey collapsed into the shallow pool of brackish water. His mournful wail echoed within the chamber and out into the void of Xen, startling any living creature for miles around into hiding.
Benrey wasn’t one to show much emotion. He was good at keeping them under control. There was no need to emote beyond Sweet Voice in Xen, and on earth he never quite had a good grasp on human emotions, not until recently. People often had the impression that Benrey was emotionless. That couldn’t be further from the truth. He just didn’t emote like humans did.
Now though, for the first time in his life, Benrey cried out loud, like a human would. He cried big, faintly glowing tears, whole body convulsing with sobs as he mourned the loss of his obnoxious little family. He’d never had anything close to one before, at least not one he could remember.
But now- now his friends were gone. Because Benrey killed them. It didn't matter that it wasn’t his choice. He could have worked harder to keep them from coming to Xen, fought harder against the Nihilanth’s control. It was still by his hands that the team died. They died horrifically within someone they thought they could trust, scared out of their minds. They probably hated Benrey in their last moments.
Benrey definitely hated himself.
The giant alien lost himself in his spiral of self-loathing and grief, trembling alone in the pool of red water. He was so overwhelmed by the onslaught of emotions he rarely ever let himself express that he almost didn’t hear the rapid footsteps approaching.
“Benrey!”
The alien’s eyes snapped open at the familiar distant shout. He scrambled up so he could turn clumsily toward the cavern exit, sending red water flying in every direction. He stared with bated breath at the dark opening. He could hear the running footsteps, gradually getting louder. They sounded like human feet- but he couldn’t bring himself to believe. To hope …
But no- there they were in all their bedraggled glory, running full tilt into the cavern, determined and raring for a fight. Though it was a familiar sight, at that moment it was the most beautiful thing that Benrey had ever seen.
The realization that his friends were whole and alive sent Benrey right back into his sobbing fit. He didn’t care that he now had an audience, not when said audience was the science team. He lunged at them, and though they startled and scattered, Gordon stood at the front- always in front, always leading- and stood his ground. He barely even squirmed when Benrey’s hands desperately- gently gently - snatched him up.
Gordon was then subjected to being pressed against a hysterical alien’s wet cheek, much to his vocal displeasure.
They were here, they were safe! Gordon was right there in his hands, warm with blood being pumped by a heart Benrey could feel fluttering under his fingers. He had to keep reminding himself to be gentle despite the yearning to press the human so far into himself that he’d stay there forever.
Benrey’s words were unintelligible, too choked up to form proper sentences, but the bright, relieved colors of Sweet Voice practically pouring from his babbling mouth were telling enough.
Once Gordon had been thoroughly nuzzled half to death, Benrey turned his sight to the rest of the team. Despite their best efforts, they were snatched up one by one and each given much the same treatment.
It took his hair being nearly set on fire by an irate Bubby for Benrey to snap out of his aggressive cuddling of the Science Team. His words became something easier to understand, and he stopped trying to bury his face into the four human-adjacent people and instead held them close to his chest.
“-Sorry, ‘m so sorry,” Benrey mumbled, breath hitching. “Wasn’t me- promise that wasn’t me. Never wanted to hurt you guys…”
As soon as it became apparent that the giant alien was calmer, Gordon spoke up from where he was squished against Benrey’s shirt next to Tommy.
“Benrey, what the fuck happened?!”
“I got mind-jacked.” Benrey sniffled, “My brain got all fuzzy, an’ next thing I knew I was all big even though I didn’t want to be and then- then I was grabbin’ you guys and- and-“ the alien made a soft keening sound. The four humans in his arms could feel his trembling plainly.
Gordon patiently waited for Benrey to calm down again, and spoke when it was clear that the guy didn’t have more to say. “Do you remember anything else?”
Benrey shook his head. He honestly dreaded hearing about what happened while he wasn’t conscious.
Gordon reached up and patted Benrey’s neck- the only part he could reach that wasn’t under layers of Kevlar- in an attempt to soothe the alien’s shaking.
“Yeah, you uh- you kinda ate us,” Gordon began. Benrey made a wounded noise, but he didn’t interrupt. “It was scary as fuck, dude. I was ready to start shooting your insides full of holes but you were growling and talking to yourself in a language I couldn’t understand, but Tommy did-“
“I-It wasn’t a perfect unde- translation, Mister Freeman-“
“You got the gist, though.” Gordon objected. “Give yourself more credit, Tommy.”
Tommy smiled shyly and ducked his head.
“Anyway, apparently whatever had you couldn’t keep complete control for long, so it had you eat us and then made you like- uh, Tommy what did it say?”
“It was hard to understand, but I think it for- forced you into a state of base instinct, Benrey.” Tommy filled in. “You weren’t really conscious but you still- you could move and stuff.”
Gordon nodded, “yeah- and after that you were all quiet, but we waited for a while before trying anything, ‘cause we figured attacking you while like that might just kill us faster. we weren’t even in your stomach for very long before you barfed us up and ran off.” The man shuddered violently. “God, that was the grossest thing I have ever been through.”
Benrey’s eyes widened and his worried frown ticked up into a shocked grin. “Wait- so even though I wasn’t all there I… I still… I didn’t…” the alien’s eyes felt alarmingly wet and he blinked rapidly to keep himself from crying again.
Tommy smiled and patted the shirt he was being pressed against.
“Yeah. See, Benrey? You’d never hurt us on purpose. You did good.” The tall scientist leaned his head against Benrey’s collarbone and nuzzled him back as well as he could with the alien at such a massive size.
Gordon nodded in agreement, and gave Benrey another pat. “Yeah, man! No harm done. I mean- it looks like a lot of harm was done to whatever the fuck that thing is, but I assume it’s the bastard behind this whole thing, so I don’t really care.” The human eyed the Nihilanth’s corpse with a grimace.
Benrey didn’t really hear most of that, too busy trying and failing to hold back giddy, relieved sweet voice from spilling from his lips as the full realization of what Tommy and Gordon were telling him hit.
Even while running on Animal Brain™ software, he protected his friends. He didn’t hurt them. He let them out and went after the real threat. The Nihilanth probably thought that Benrey wouldn’t be a problem, being far too busy curled up somewhere sleeping off the meal of his friends he’d been force fed. Predator instinct after eating is to rest and avoid fighting, after all.
Joke’s on that fucker, pack instincts were powerful as shit, much stronger than post-snack naptime. There was no way that Benrey, even not fully aware, would just lay down and let himself kill the people he’d bonded with.
And those same people still went looking for him even after being eaten alive! They were worried about him. Who the fuck did that? The Science Team must care about him an awful lot…
Benrey felt a purr rumble from his chest, vibrating the four people still held against his front.
These reckless dumbasses cared about him enough to recognize that he wasn’t in his right mind, and avoided hurting him even in a life or death situation, and went in guns blazing after him despite it all. They trusted him to keep them safe even while compromised. What the hell.
Benrey tightened his hold on his friends and flopped backwards onto his back, sending waves of red water splashing against the cavern walls. Ignoring their squawks of protest, Benrey quickly subjected the ragtag group to another round of cuddling. His purrs formed ripples around him in the water with the intensity of the wonderful emotions he was feeling.
God, he loved these dumb motherfuckers.