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“So, Heather, how was Friday?” Veronica sat opposite Heather, attempting to make eye contact as she gave her question.
“It was fine,” the girl in red said, avoiding said gaze.
Veronica sighed, then said, “How about you, Heather?”
“I had a nice time!” Mac grinned, “Ram and Kurt made us watch a horror movie, which I didn’t like, but me and Heather-”
“-Heather and I,” Duke said, not looking up from her book.
“Sorry, Heather and I went back to her house after and we danced-” Mac tried to continue, but was cut off.
“It doesn’t matter,” Chandler said sharply, “We had the date, and it was fine.”
Mac’s smile faltered, then she cleared her throat, “Anyway, what did you and Heather do? I assumed you two hung out while we were out.”
“We watched Ghostbusters,” Veronica said, “and Heather fell asleep.”
“I was tired!” Duke barked, “it wasn’t even that good.”
“Excuse you, it was so,” Veronica retaliated.
“Hey!” Mac cut in, “Did you do anything else?”
“We started croquet-ing but it was kinda boring without you- you two,” Duke quickly corrected herself.
Chandler huffed, and the table went silent from then on. The cafeteria buzzed with conversation but none came from the four girls sitting around the table no one else could sit at. Duke sat back in her seat, pulling her legs up to rest her book on her thighs. Mac’s eyes widened and she hurriedly looked down, a slight pink tinge colouring her cheeks. Chandler evidently noticed her reaction, then looked across to Duke and quipped, “Heather, you’re flashing Heather.”
“Oh,” Duke’s blush matched Mac’s, “Sorry, Heather.”
“It’s okay,” Mac squeaked, “Just wasn’t expecting.”
An awkward silence followed.
“Um, so, Ghostbusters II is out soon,” Veronica began cautiously, “Would anyone wanna come with me to see it when it is?”
“I would!” Mac smiled.
“Same,” Duke followed.
“Heather?” Veronica asked gently.
Chandler pursed her lips, “Sure.”
“Yes!” Veronica pumped her fist, causing Mac to giggle. Chandler gritted her teeth to stop herself from smiling. Fuck Veronica for being cute. Wait. No. She’s not cute. Don’t be weird, you asshat. No wonder everyone thinks you’re a dyke.
“Veronica!” a voice called from across the cafeteria, “Veronica!”
Veronica turned her head and a grin spread across her face, “Martha! Hey, long time no see!”
“Oh my gosh, I know, how have you been? What have you been doing? You must’ve been so busy!” Martha exclaimed, “Betty, JD and I have missed you heaps!”
“Aha, yeah, I’m so sorry, I haven't had time to think, really,” Veronica said guiltily, “I’ll make it up to you soon, I promise. In fact, I’ll come sit with you guys now, for the rest of this lunch.”
“Veronica-” Heather began angrily.
“Let her go, Heather,” Mac put a hand on the girl’s shoulder.
“Yeah, you don’t seem to even like her at the moment,” Duke raised an eyebrow.
“Shut up, Heather,” Heather hissed.
Martha stood next to Veronica, fiddling with her hands nervously as the green girl apologised grudgingly.
“Okay, I’m coming now,” Veronica stood up, nodded awkwardly at the Heathers, then linked her arm with Martha’s as they sauntered off to the table belonging to the so-called ‘Loser Crew’.
“Veronica!” Betty stood up from her seat as Martha and Veronica came into view.
“Betty Finn, it’s nice to see you,” Veronica beamed, “‘Sup, JD, how’s it going?”
“Good as it can, ‘Ronica,” JD winked, “How’s it been in Heatherville?”
“God, you have no idea how busy I’ve been,” Veronica groaned, sitting down next to him while Martha sat next to Betty, “They go to so many goddamn parties. I nearly figuratively ended myself by puking on Heather Chandler’s heels at a Remington party- that’s really prestigious apparently, by the way- but I somehow managed to make her forgive me.”
“Chandler?” JD’s face was blank, “I still can’t remember which is which and I’ve been here for like a month already.”
“She’s the red one. The bitchy one,” Veronica fought a smirk as she remembered that night, “She’s top dog, according to her.”
JD scoffed, “I’d say the green one- Duke, right?- I’d say she’s pretty bitchy too.”
Martha, Betty and Veronica all looked at each other.
“Speaking of Heather,” Martha lowered her voice, “How is she?”
“She’s doing okay, I think,” Veronica looked over to the Heathers’ table, “We had a sleepover on Friday because Heather and Heather were out on a double date.”
“How did the sleepover go?” Betty pushed her glasses back up her nose, as they were falling down.
“It was nice, actually,” Veronica simpered, “We watched Ghostbusters and she fell asleep on me.”
“Hold up, I think I’m missing something,” JD held his hand up, “Were you guys- sorry- were you girls friends with Heather Duke?”
Martha nodded, “Until middle school, then she got invited to sit with Chandler and Duke because of her name.”
“Did she go to a different school before?”
“No,” Betty said.
JD looked confused, “Then why’d they only invite her in middle school.”
“Her name wasn’t Heather before middle school,” Martha explained.
JD nodded, “Oh,” then his eyes widened, “Oh!”
“Is that a problem?” Veronica eyed him.
“Does she know?” He looked at Betty and Martha, chuckling.
“Veronica, out of all people, JD would never judge Heather, or me for that fact,” Betty explained, trying to avoid saying directly what she meant in case there were eavesdroppers.
“Ohhhhh, I get it now. That’s cool, I had no idea,” Veronica said.
“Fuck yeah. That means I pass as a cis dude,” JD grinned, “Means that hopefully people don’t clock me anytime soon, preferably ever. They already suspect I’m not completely- what’s the word- oppositely-attracted.”
“Not completely? Can you be that?” Veronica’s ears pricked up.
“I don’t think it’s wise to talk about it here with these assholes hanging about, but yes, you can,” JD leant in to whisper in her ear, “Got your eye on a pretty girl or three?”
“Jason!” Betty reached across the table and swatted him, “As if she would stoop that low!”
“Pfft, yeah,” Veronica hid her expression, avoiding the others’ eyes, “Plus they’re totally all straight, have you seen how Chandler latches on to men?”
“True,” Betty acknowledged.
“Maybe that’s what she wants you to think,” JD conspired, his eyebrows raised and his head tilted.
Veronica coughed loudly, “Anyway. Moving on from discussing the Heathers’ private lives, what’re you all doing this afternoon?”
“Dog-walking,” Betty said, “Gotta earn money somehow, hey?”
“Martha?”
“Sorry, Ronnie, I promised my mom I’d do crocheting with her,” Martha gave an apologetic look.
JD spoke before Veronica could ask him, “I’ve got nothing on. Wanna go to Seven Eleven?”
“Oh my God, what is with you and slushies, man?” Betty shook her head.
“Hey,” JD frowned, “Slushies are great, you ass.”
***
Heather slumped her head on the arms resting on her desk, listening to the teacher drone on about what-the-fuck-ever. Mac sat next to her, sitting upright, but Heather could tell she wasn’t listening either. As her mind ran through multitudes of thoughts and sounds, some song she’d heard today and thinking about lunch and how she’d been left alone when Mac had followed Duke to the bathroom, as per their awful routine, she finally landed on Veronica. Veronica fucking Sawyer. Why could that girl, that irritatingly smart and witty girl, never leave her head? It was incredibly annoying. She’s annoying me in person and now in my thoughts too , Heather thought bitterly, why can’t I escape the intriguing mess that she is? It’s not as if she’s particularly special. She may be funny, sometimes, sure, she’s not scared of me like most people, sure, why does my fucking thought process always involve her? God, Heather, you sound like a broken record.
“Heather, are you paying attention?” a voice jolted her out of her intense thinking.
“Sorry, I wasn’t aware there was something interesting being said,” Heather drawled, her blue eyes piercing the teacher’s.
“I don’t appreciate your tone, Heather,” the teacher said, “Just try to focus, please.”
Oh wow, never thought of that, you’ve solved my issues! Fuck-waffle.
Anyway, back to Veronica. What is it with me and her? It’s like my mind is a fishing rod and the hook is stuck in the river rocks of Veronica Sawyer. How the fuck did she turn me into such a pillowcase?!
“Do you wanna come to the study session with me and- Heather and I this afternoon?”
“Huh?” Heather faced Mac, who was oblivious to her Veronica-pondering.
“I know the way this class is taught makes it super hard for you to actually learn, so, do you wanna study with Heather and I after school?” Mac explained.
“Is that why you two are never free Monday afternoon?” Heather was indignant.
“Well, yes, I have told you before,” Mac frowned.
Heather rolled her eyes, “You know I have a shit memory, Thea. It’s not my fault.”
“I’m not blaming you. So, wanna come?”
Heather pretended to think to make her seem like she wasn’t so eager as to make her look silly, then said nonchalantly, “Sure.”
“Great!” Mac clapped her hands together, “We should get some snacks too.”
“Heather’ll just throw them back up, you know,” Heather sat back in her chair, crossing her arms.
Mac’s smile dropped, “Don’t be mean, it’s not her fault. If she doesn’t want any, we can have hers.”
***
“So, ‘Ronica, tell me more about the high and almighty Heathers,” JD said as they walked along the path, the sun peeking through the clouds.
“Ugh, where do I start?” Veronica watched a black car drive past them, her distorted self reflected in the shiny doors.
“Tell me about ‘em. Individually. Are they as bitchy as they are on the surface?”
Veronica thought, “In some ways, yes. In some ways, no. Like, they’re assholes, but they can be nice occasionally. Oh my God though, I swear Heather Chandler is an enigma! She’s so goddamn confusing. One moment she’s letting me stay at her house, the next she’s being an absolute- forgive the profanity- cunt.”
“She’s interesting, that’s for sure. I wanna know how she got the entire student body under her control,” JD held the door open as they arrived at 7/11, “There must be something she has that others don’t.”
“It’s called being one: a little shit, two: a bitch and three: a brat,” Veronica laughed, “Seriously.”
“What flavour d’you want?” JD pointed to the slushie machines, “Cherry?”
“Hell no,” Veronica sighed, “I’ve had enough of the colour red for today.”
“That bad, huh? How ‘bout blue raspberry?”
“Sure.”
***
The red Porsche pulled up outside 7/11 with a screech, the tires skidding from how sudden the brake had been slammed.
“Damn!” Heather swore, then faced Mac, “Are you gonna get the stuff? I don’t really feel like running into that creep again. The freak’s always there, plus someone needs to look after my car.”
Mac looked at her blankly, then signed, ‘ I can’t right now. Can’t speak .’
“Oh, you’re non-verbal,” Heather sighed, “Right.”
Mac gave her an apologetic look, but Heather waved it away, “It’s not your fault, dumbass, don’t give me that look.” She slid out of the driver’s seat grudgingly, taking care to straighten her blazer and skirt before she entered the shop. The door beeped loudly as she came through, causing her to hiss in pain from the blaring noise.
“Okay. Corn nuts, ice-cream, what else? Ugh, I’ll figure it out,” she huffed, picking the barbecue corn nuts off their rack. As soon as she was about to turn the corner into the next aisle, she caught a glimpse of a blue blazer. Veronica .
“Shit!” Heather jumped back and quickly hid behind a shelf, her heart thumping rapidly. She’d expected that weird emo kid, sure, but Veronica? Shouldn’t she be home by now?
Regardless, now she was stuck. Stay here until they leave, or stop being a pussy and get on with it. I’m not being a pussy, you are. Shut up, dumbass. God, if people could read my thoughts, they’d think I’m insane. Just stop talking, Heather. I’m not talking, I’m thinking. Still, shut up.
“Oh, hey Heather!”
Shit .
“Veronica,” Heather smiled through gritted teeth, “and Jesse James, quelle surprise. Fancy seeing you here again.”
“All the pleasure of seeing you, Miss Chandler,” JD tipped a non-existent hat towards her.
“Whatcha doing here, Heather?” Veronica asked brightly, a hand on her hip.
“Heather and Heather are having a study session at her house and I was invited,” Heather said off-handedly.
“Cool.”
“And you? Having fun with your boy-toy?” Heather drew out those words in a tantalisingly annoying tone.
“Don’t be like that, Heather,” Veronica scolded, “We’re just hanging out.”
Heather stood up straight, “Anyway, I have to go. Mac’s waiting in the car.”
“Bye, Chandler,” Veronica gave a sly smirk that made Heather slightly flustered.
“See you tomorrow, Sawyer,” she huffed.
***
Dear Diary, Heather’s been insufferable as always. Can she go one day without being a skidmark in my underwear? Not saying I have skidmarks, I don’t, but I’m sure if I did they would give me the same sensation as Heather Chandler on my ass all the time. On my ass? I’m not going to think about that now, God. Also, I finally hung with Martha, Betty and JD. I can’t believe it’s been weeks since I last did, shit, I suck. I promised to sit with them more often, but I don’t know how Heather’ll feel about it. Fuck, why do I always come back to Heather? I’m almost constantly thinking about her.
Honestly, I just assumed I’m straight because I’ve had crushes on dudes before, including JD. Speaking of JD, he told me today that you don’t have to be completely straight, which really threw me off-track. So, I’m like 90% certain I have a crush on Heather Duke, because at the sleepover I felt the same way about her that I did about JD a few weeks ago, and I know that was a crush. Having a crush on her is two problems in itself, the first being she was my best friend when we were kids, and second because she’s a goddamn Heather, but fuck me I think I like Heather Chandler too? Can you even like multiple people at once? If you can’t, I’m very confused. Why does life have to be so complicated?
Veronica slumped back in her chair and groaned, her monocle falling from her eye.
“I am so done with Heather Chandler,” she grumbled, “I’m confronting her as soon as I can.”