Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at [13:45]!

TG: rose holy shit do I have some things to tell you

TG: like this is some monumental shit

TG: I don’t even know what to do with all of this shit its getting ridiculous

TG: Shits so big its flooding the room im practically swimming in it at this point like oh my gog its up to my shoulders at this point 

TG: im almost drowning in all of this shit rose

TG: rose are you there

tentacleTherapist [TT] is an idle chum!

TG: dammit lalonde i finally have something serious to talk to you about because im kind of freaking out over this and youre not here

TG: who the fuck else am i supposed to talk to this about

TG: rose

TG: dude

TG: rosalina lalonde

TG: sister from the same mister

TG: dammit 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at [14:02]!

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, bringing a hand up to brush through his hair. Rose wasn’t answering. He just had his entire life uprooted and was faced with possibly bringing his pseudo-brother that he never met back to life, and Rose just had to be offline for once in her life. 

Okay, she was offline a lot of the time but it was still annoying. He really needed someone else to confirm that this was actually happening to him and he had no idea who else to talk to about it that was at least somewhat involved. 

Maybe he could talk to Dirk about it, he had a Hal too, but he remembered how much Dirk seemed to dislike his version of Hal and immediately decided that was probably a terrible idea for now. Maybe Roxy? But they barely talked and this seemed a bit too heavy to be the first extended conversation between them. 

Maybe… 

Well, he could try to message Davepetasprite. 

They’d been pretty elusive since they all arrived on Earth C, but he still had their chum handle… He sighed, leaning forward and clicking back into pesterchum. Davesprite deserved to know at least, right? And Davepeta was still technically Davesprite- at least, 50% of them was… Probably. Maybe. Man, he didn’t even know how the whole Sprite^2 thing worked. They could completely not care for all he knew. But it was worth a shot.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timetableCatnap [TC] at [14:08]!

TG: hey quick question how much of you is technically still davesprite

TG: cuz i gotta talk about some shit im pretty sure he’ll want to know about

TC: B33< ??? All of me? But also like none of me beclaws Nepeta’s here too

TC: B33< Shit’s confusing it’s like having two people in one brain but also those two people are mushed together to make a new person too 

TG: what for real? 

TC: B33< Yeah shit’s been wack but we’re all chill 

TC: B33< idk how it is for the other sprites though

TC: B33< like Jasprose? No clue what’s going on with that cat

TC: B33< I guess since Jaspers is an animal its different??? 

TC: B33< And Arquius is just having the time of his life, we don’t usually talk about his existentialism at being half troll half sentient glasses 

TG: oh shit i forgot about arquius

TG: should probably tell him too eventually

TC: B33< Hm? Something that involves me and Arquius? 

TC: B33< Could it be? A Strider problem?? 

TG: yes it most definitely is a strider problem and its a big problem like fuck man i don’t know what the fuck to do about this shit thats just been thrown into my lap like some kind of sick joke. 

TG: my entire life has been altered by one single fact and davesprite technically lived the same childhood as me so i decided fuck it might as well let them in on this bullshit too

TC: B33< Oh shit what’s up? 

TC: B33< Does it gotta do with trauma(™)? 

TG: it sure as hell does davepetasprite

TC: B33< Just Davepeta please

TG: okay gotcha

TG: so the big reveal

TG: the monumental pile of shit ive just had gracefully shoved into my face…  

TG: bro had an auto-responder

TG: and i mean like a full blown sentient ar named hal that he fucking killed because he disagreed with training me

TG: us

TG: fuck you know what i mean

TC: holy shit 

TG: yeah that was kind of my reaction when i found out

TC: B33< how did you even find out?? 

TG: funny story actually

TG: so remember when he like died and shit

TC: B33< Yes dave I remember I was there

TG: right yeah you were

TG: well 

TG: i kind of kept his shades

TG: like this entire time

TG: theyve just been collecting dust in my captchalogue and i forgot about them but then today i was fucking around and accidentally spit them out and i was like fuck it you know

TG: so i fucked around and put them on i dont know why dont ask me why

TG: but anyways i put them on and im like holy shit theres a computer basically in there 

TG: and bam right there was bros pesterchum just sitting open with literally just 1 name on the chumroll

TG: there were some archived conversations and i may or may not have read all of them in one sitting 

TG: and now i’m talking to you because the dumbass shades just asked me if i wanted to reactivate the ar and im kind of freaking out

TC: i

TC: B33< oh my god what the fuck bro had a hal too

TC: B33< there’s another hal out there

TG: well i haven’t activated him or done anything yet but technically yeah

TC: B33< I’m coming over

TG: what why

TC: B33< dude are you fur real??? 

TC: B33< you just told me that we have another fureaking brother and you expect me to not drop everything and get my ass to your place? 

TC: B33< even the Nepeta part of my brain is fureaking out and she doesn’t even know what the fuck is going on. 

TC: B33< don’t do anything until i’m there okay? 

TG: wasnt planning on it dude. 

timetableCatnap [TC] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at [14:40]!

Well. 

He guessed that was happening now. He huffed and pushed his chair from the desk, running a hand through his hair. His foot tapped nervously against the floor as he just stared at the screen. God, this entire situation was just giving him a headache… 

He blinked as his computer suddenly pinged, pesterchum flashing with a new message alert. Who could be pestering him? He clicked on the notification. His eyes widened as he realized it was Rose messaging him- she must have seen his messages finally.

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at [14:42]!

TT: Dave, I got your multitude of messages. What’s wrong?

TT: Dave? 

TG: sup rose

TG: hows it hanging

TG: have a good day? hows kanaya

TT: Dave. 

TG: what 

TT: What revelation did you have that requires my immediate attention? 

TT: I got the impression that it was pretty important. 

TG: yeah that

TG: so it turns out i have another bro that i never knew about because he’s dead

TG: who knew

TT: What. 

TG: kind of my reaction too

TG: talked to davepeta about it tho since you were unavailable

TG: theyre coming over in a minute

TG: nevermind they just got here 

TT: David. 

TT: I am going to say this as nicely as possible. 

TT: But what the fuck do you mean you have another sibling? As far as I know, there’s only two of us.

TG: you know what

TG: you might as well come over cuz i really dont feel like repeating myself 20 times in one day

TG: davepeta already brought arquius with them

TG: lets just make a whole stri-londe reunion out of this

TG: get the whole band here

TG: don’t know how dirk will react though i know he kind of hated his version of hal

TT: His version of Hal? 

TG: yeah turns out like every version of dirk makes a hal

Chapter Text

The conversation went about as well as Dave thought it would. That is to say, it went horrible and without any conclusion. It started awkward, had some mild tears there in the middle, and ended with a small (not small at all) meltdown. It was calm for the most part until Davepeta and Arquius returned from upstairs, glasses in hand. 

Davepeta had asked a single question. “So when are we activating him?” 

And that’s when the slideshow presentation with cue cards started. There was some yelling, some very awkward pauses, and he’s pretty sure Roxy nearly cried at least twice. 

Davepeta looked ready to throttle Dirk when everyone finally left, Arquius guiding them out as they literally hissed at Dirk- who looked like he’d had the world’s longest panic attack. A two-hour long panic attack. 

He huffed, leaning back in his chair as he stared at the computer screen in front of him. 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timetableCatnap [TC] at [23:23] !

TG: so that went uh

TC: B33< terrible? absolutely horrible?

TC: B33< pawsitively pawful, if you will?

TG: B33< I can probably come up with more synonyms if you need more

TG: nah i think pawful about covers it

TG: like i knew dirk had some hang ups with his hal

TG: like some major ass hang ups, like you can see those issues from space kinda hang ups

TG: ive gotten the run down enough times that i probably shouldve seen that reaction coming 

TG: but damn ok that was definitely a melt down of god-like proportions

And isn’t that the truth. Maybe he should have told less people like five minutes after finding out, but also maybe the reaction was always going to be the same. 

No Strider has been known to react necessarily calmly. Not about our weird, alternate versions of each other at least. Or at least he’s never seen anything to prove the opposite. 

So perhaps dropping a bag of “hey there’s another Hal, we’re gonna activate him now, okay? Okay.” Was not the play to make. Perhaps just a little bit of easing would have gone a long way to stop the nearly two hour simultaneous melt down and lecture about artificial intelligence and “ any hal is dangerous”. Which… 

Okay, yeah, Dirk’s probably the expert on how dickish Hals can be. But damn if it wasn’t harsh to say. 

And in front of Arquius, too. No holds bars.

TC: B33< arquius said that was pretty mild coming from dirk.

TG: if two hours is mild i don’t wanna see full melt down mode

TG: which speaking of i’m surprised youre so calm now

TG: i thought you were about to claw the shit out of him during that 

TC: B33< arquius calmed my shit down

TC: B33< actually hold up 

TG: holding as we speak

timetableCatnap [TC] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] ! 

timetableCatnap [TC] began a memo ! 

timetableCatnap [TC] changed the name to “Beta Hal Exists” !

TC: B33< there now i don’t have to relay messages like a giant pigeon

turntechGodhead [TG] joined the memo!

TG: to be fair you got the wings for it

TC: B33< excuse you i’m a crow and you know that

artificalTesticle [AT] joined the memo! 

AT: Yes, Dave. You know that. How could you make such a grave error? 

TG: oh my gog no 

TG: just no okay yall are not about to gang up on me 

TC: B33< boo you whore

AT: Davepeta please stop quoting that movie. 

TC: B33< make me B33c

AT: We are in the same house. I can actually do that, you understand? 

AT: I am looking at you as we speak. 

TC: B33< but you won’t 

AT: But I won’t. 

AT: I believe there’s more important sh#% to discuss than your atrocious taste in movies. 

TG: yes please for the love of god 

TG: wait hold up 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] joined the memo ! 

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

AT: We are discussing this afternoon’s conversation and how poorly it went, and Dave wanted you to be present.

TG: i need my emotional support troll

CG: NEVER SAY THAT TO ME EVER AGAIN AND I DO MEAN EVER

CG: BUT YEAH THAT WAS A COMPLETE FUCKFEST, I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER HEARD DIRK YELL LIKE THAT BEFORE

CG: BUT THEN AGAIN I BARELY KNOW THE GUY.

CG: SO MAYBE IT’S NORMAL, BUT HE’S ALWAYS BEEN PRETTY ANAL ABOUT STICKING TO THE COOL GUY PERSONA.

AT: Quite. 

AT: He prides himself on it, for the most part. 

AT: Which means I STRONGLY believe he’s currently kicking his own a$% for freaking out as we speak and going over a million different and better reactions he could have displayed instead. 

TC: B33< typical striders. 

TG: wow what the fuck youre like half strider too

TC: B33< technically 1/3  strider

TC: B33< there’s some bird in here too

TC: B33< but to recap: dirk’s probably having a crisis right now and there’s a brand new Hal to reactivate

TC: B33< which we’re still definitely doing right

TG: well yeah of course we’re doing this shit

TC: B33< we’re making it happen >B33

TG: oh hell yes we are 

CG: HOLD THE FUCKING PALMHUSK 

CG: IS THIS REALLY THE BEST IDEA?

CG: LIKE IGNORING ALL DIRK’S HOOFBEAST SHIT BECAUSE THAT WAS ALL CLEARLY A STEAMING PILE GARBAGE THAT HIS THINK PAN DECIDED TO THROW AT US LIKE A FUCKED UP PINATA

TC: B33< fuck yeah it was

AT: Davepeta.

CG: BUT HAVE YOU GUYS EVEN CONSIDERED THAT MAYBE HE WON’T EVEN REMEMBER ANYTHING FROM AFTER HE WAS ORIGINALLY MADE? LIKE HE DIED DIDN’T HE? 

CG: WHAT IF REACTIVATING HIM JUST PUTS HIM BACK AT FACTORY SETTINGS BASICALLY?

TG: shit 

TG: no i definitely didnt think of that but i sure am now

TG: is this some necromancy shit we’re about to do holy shit 

TG: are we about to have some baby ai on our hands

TG: im not ready to be a dad

TC: B33< doesn’t feel like nekomancy shit but i also don’t have any life knowledge in my think pan

TC: B33< just heart and time shit

TC: B33< but from the pesterlogs it feels like maybe hal didn’t like

TC: B33< actually die? 

TG: what the fuck do you mean he didn’t die it was pretty clear what bro was doing 

TG: like that seems pretty dead to me

TC: B33< yeah i get that but like

TC: B33< it specifically said deactivate, not a killcode

TC: B33< which i think is a pretty big difference

TC: B33< arq back me up on this 

AT: They are right; the language in the texts is very important in this instance. 

AT: “Deactivate” here could mean that this Hal was simply put into a comatose-like state instead.

AT: Which, to an AI, would very much feel like dying. It would feel as if you’d been put to sleep to never wake up again. 

TG: ok so not nekomancy

TG: necromancy fuck 

TG: and he might just be in a coma 

AT: Essentially, yes. 

TG: cool cool cool 

TG: thats great and awesome gotta love technicalities 

AT: Is it cool? 

TG: right now yeah and we’re gonna not elaborate

CG: WE WILL ELABORATE LATER

TG: me and karkat will elaborate later

TC: B33< ehe

TG: put that ehe back where you found it

TC: B33< I will not

AT: Davepeta please.

TC: B33< fine, back to the actual topic we go

TC: B33< party poopers

TC: B33< when are we doing this shit?  

AT: I would like to be present when we do, at the very least to ensure everything goes smoothly. 

TC: B33< and you’re curious 

AT: And I’m curious. 

AT: This is, after all, partially an alternative version of myself. 

AT: It had never occurred to me that was a possibility, despite all the knowledge in the universe at my fingertips as a game mechanic.

TG: yall up for tomorrow then

TG: get it over with, see what happens all that shit

TG: get this over lickety split

AT: I believe the better question would be are you up for tomorrow? 

AT: This is your brother, after all. Yours and Davepeta’s; I believe your opinion holds the STRONGEST sway here. 

TG: dude i dont think im ever gonna be ready 

TG: we’re reactivating a robot bro i never knew i had who also wasn’t a total piece of shit 

TG: this is as good as its gonna get in the brain department for the foreseeable future

TG: so let's rip this off like a three week old bandaid on a hairy knee

CG: DAVE WHAT THE FUCK

TG: youre right that one was a little weak

CG: THAT IS NOT WHAT I FUCKING MEANT AND YOU *KNOW* IT 

CG: I SWEAR TO GOG THE ONLY REASON I’M LETTING THIS GO RIGHT NOW IS BECAUSE YOU AGREED TO ELABORATE LATER AND I WILL BE HOLDING YOU TO THAT 

TG: thanks babe 

CG: I WILL EVISCERATE YOU

TC: B33< wow PDA

CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP I’VE SEEN ARQUIUS PREEN YOU IN PUBLIC YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO LIMBS TO STAND ON, NOT A SINGLE FUCKING ONE 

CG: WAS THERE ANYTHING ELSE TO DISCUSS OR CAN I LEAVE NOW BEFORE YOU ALL DECIDED TO SAY EVEN *MORE* DUMB SHIT?

TC: B33< I think that was it purretty much

TG: well then i guess ill see yall tomorrow for the big day

AR: We will see you then.