Work Text:
Ed sighs deeply as he watches the city blur pass through the tinted car window.
He glances again at the client's profile on the tablet. Stede: Middle-aged, newly divorced, and exploring his sexuality for the first time. It's not exactly the most common type of client he gets, but it's definitely not the first of its kind.
The thing that made him interested was the picture that Stede had provided. While most people -especially the older men who make up Ed's main client base- used an over-edited glamour shot from 15 years ago, Steve had put up a candid photo of himself laughing in the sunshine.
Most of the pictures people posted of themselves laughing ends up looking like a commercial for salads; clearly staged and phony as fuck, but not this one. In it Stede is wearing a plain white button-down shirt, his hair golden and fluffy, the sun illuminating it from behind, making it glow like a halo. There is uneven skin, wrinkles, laugh lines, all making him look so... himself. Ed found it refreshing.
This isn't the type of job Ed usually takes -more used to having orgies with billionaires on yachts- but when he read the request, he was filled with a sense of nostalgia.
His business partner Izzy had baulked at the idea, arguing that it should be assigned to one of the rookies, but Ed didn't start his own business just to be told what to do. He shot Izzy a glare and assigned his own name to Stede's file. Izzy wisely let it drop.
That was about a week ago and Ed is somewhat regretting his decision. What seemed at the time like a fun departure from the norm, is now feeling like too much.
He can't help the anxiety he feels building. The fear that this will end up being just like all the other clients he's taken recently makes him want to tell Fang to turn the car around and take him home.
It's not that he hates his job, he actually quite loves it. Well... at least he used to love it. Now he's just bored by it.
When he first started out, he was on top of the world. The idea that people would pay to sleep with a scrawny 23-year-old with no money or any marketable skills, was mind blowing.
He quickly went from posting to ads online to being referral only, carefully selecting each client based on their ability to provide him with a new thrill. And of course the money wasn't bad either. Now he runs his own agency and makes more money from the occasional client than he used to make in an entire year, and he's doing far less work than he did then.
He used to enjoy the lifestyle. The private jets, the expensive dinners, the excitement of being desired. All of it has now lost its shine.
When the car pulls up to the address Stede had provided, Ed's shocked to see that they're in a quaint residential neighbourhood. Although it seems quite mundane, Ed knows that the house is worth millions just given its size and relative location, but it's still a home, and Ed is much more accustomed to posh hotel rooms.
Christ, he hopes Stede doesn't want a boyfriend experience. Those gigs always leave Ed feeling tired and on edge. He has no problem giving rich pricks his body, but he absolutely draws the line at giving them his heart- even if it's just a fantasy.
He reads over the booking again just to confirm he didn't accidentally agree to something so horrible.
No, it's all laid out plainly. Stede had requested for someone to come over, perhaps drink some wine, then fuck him. Easy as pie.
"Uh, boss?" Fang asks for the front seat. "You going in, or...?" His bodyguard nervously meets his eyes in the rearview mirror.
Ed tosses the tablet onto the seat beside him slumping down dramatically. "You ever feel like you're stuck in a rut?"
"Oh! Uh..." Fang looks surprised at being addressed directly. Ed usually only communicated with grunts and large tips. "Can't say I have, Boss. Sorry."
Ed shakes his head and straightens up. "Forget I said anything. And do not mention this to Izzy."
While Ed was in charge of the people who did the actual sex work, Izzy was in charge of the security division that kept them safe. It's one of the things that their company is know for; they provided top-notch service, but if you fucked with one of their people you would probably end up eating one of your own toes regardless of your money or influence.
Fang nods like a bobble head, looking slightly insulted at the implication. "I would never betray the confidence of any of you!"
Ed can't help but smile. Izzy can be a real pain, but he does know how to pick 'em. Ed takes a few bills from his pocket and leans forward to give Fang a friendly pat on the shoulder, leaving the money behind.
"Oh, boss, you really don't have to," he says, same as always, but takes the tip anyway. Ed doesn't respond, just waves away the protest with a dismissive flick of his wrist.
Stepping out of the car, he gets a brilliant idea. Turning back to Fang he says, "why don't you take the rest of the night off."
You would think he asked the man to shoot his own dog based on the horrified look Fang gives him through the half opened window. "I could never do-"
Ed cuts him off. Putting some steel into his voice -not dissimilar to what he does when doming-, "That was an order." Then he adds more softly, "Seriously, man. It's a Friday night, go get pissed with your mates. I'm going to go fuck Mr. Roger's and probably be in bed before 10."
Fang looks like he's working hard to choke back his disagreement, but has no choice but to nod, it's only a quick jerk of his chin, but Ed smiles and shoots him an encouraging grin. "I'll see you in the office tomorrow morning."
He doesn't wait for a response. He jogs up the paved walkway, past the well manicured lawn, to the door and rings the unnecessarily ornate doorbell.
He looks over his shoulder to give Fang a sloppy salute as the driver slowly pulls away. Ed turns back around when he hears the door open. He's fully prepared to slip into character, a sly smirk here, a wink there, but when he takes in the man in front of him, he's left gaping.
Stede is dressed head to toe in full 1700's getup. Frilly shirt, bright blue trousers with matching waistcoat, and fucking stockings. Ed's mouth is hanging open in a very unattractive way, but he can't help it.
"Oh," Sted says, bafflingly seeming to be surprised by Ed, whos outfit of black jeans, purple shirt and leather jacket, is inarguably much less shocking. "You're not the regular pizza chap."
"Pizza chap." Ed repeats the words, hoping that they'll make more sense if he hears them again.
"No worries!" Stede carries on. "One moment while I grab my wallet. These do have cleverly hidden pockets, but carrying a wallet would ruin the lines. Not to mention how historically inaccurate it would be," he says, gesturing to his trousers with a chuckle. "Come on in. You can rest the box on-" Stede cuts himself off, seaming to only just realize that Ed isn't carrying any fucking pizza. "Did you leave it in the car?" He asks, craning his neck to see the empty street behind Ed. "Ah," he mutters, turning red. "You're not the pizza person ... are you?"
Ed, still gaping, shakes his head.
"Sorry about that," Stede says, nervously fiddling with his sleeve, "what can I do for you this fine evening?"
Shaking his head, Ed reminds himself that he is at work. Taking a step forward into Stede's personal space, he says in a low sultry tone. "I think the question is what can I do for you?"
Stede's eyes widen like a cartoon deer. "Oh my! I - I. I wasn't aware that, uh that was something people sold door to door..."
Now Ed's just fucking confused.
"You are Stede Bonnet, right?"
"I am..." Stede replies, seemingly unsure of his own name. "And you are?"
Ed huffs and rolls his eyes, losing his patience with whatever game Stede is playing. "I'm the whore you pair to come to your house and fuck you."
If Ed thought Stede looked like a cartoon before, it's nothing compared to the way Stede's eyes seem to bulge from his eyes, his jaw dropping open comedicaly. "You're what!?!"
"Good evening Stede," comes a friendly call from behind Ed. They both turn to see a middle-aged man strolling casually down the street.
Stede looks panicked for a moment, then shoves Ed into the house, attempting to hide the taller man behind him. "Ah, hello there Doug!" Stede's voice break at the end of his sentence, but he covers it with a cough. "Out for your evening walk I see. Mary and the children in bed?"
The guy, Doug apparently, stops at the end of the cobblestone walkway leading to Stede's front door. The path is quite long, given the size of Stede's lawn, but it's not far enough away for him not to notice the stranger in all black, half-hidden behind Stede.
"Yup," Doug says, looking between Stede and Ed, questions obvious on his face. "The children were really cross with me about the bedtime story. I'm told I 'don't do the voices right.'"
At that Stede's face goes soft and pleased, but his shoulders are still stiff and tense though. "Oh that's, that's good to hear- well, sorry, not good but-"
Doug chuckles and waves away Stede's apology. "It's alright, I know what you mean." His eyes dart to Ed again. "Hey, everything okay, or...?"
Ed rolls his eyes. "I'm not a bloody burglar!", he says, offended. His jacket alone probably costs more than everything Doug is wearing. Posh wankers, nothing Ed does ever seems to be good enough to impress them. It's like they can smell the council housing on him still after all these years.
Doug looks taken aback. "I meant no offence, mate. It's just that Stede doesn't usually have guests." He says, holding his hands up placatingly. "No offence Stede."
"None taken," Stede says with a tight smile, obviously some offence taken. "He's...a- a friend...from my historical reenactment group! Yes! As you can see he's dressed as a pirate. Not a very historically accurate one obviously, which is why he's come over for some pointers."
At that clearly made up excuse, Doug smiles and relaxes, tucking his hands casually into his pockets. "Oh how wonderful! I'm glad Mary talked you into that. How lovely that you've made friends so quickly."
"Yup," Stede says nodding jerkily, "Mary is always right! Well I have some things to discuss with..."
He looks at Ed, begging with his eyes for him to play along, Ed smirks, helplessly amused by this strange man in front of him. "He throws his arm over Stede's shoulders, jostling him playfully. "Forgotten my name already, mate? Not a great way to start a friendship!"
Stede shoots him a glare, but given his dress and general demeanour, Ed isn't the least bit intimidated.
"It's Ed! Remember? I introduced myself and you said it'd be easy to remember because Ed rhymes with head, and given the compromising situation you found me in-"
"Yes!" Stede says, voice overly loud in the quiet street. He turns back to Doug, who looks utterly confused. "This is my new friend, Ed, and we were just about to have a very long and rousing discussion, so we best be going. Enjoy your evening walk, and give everyone my best wishes." With that he unceremoniously slams the door, locks it, and slumps against it like a marionette that's had its strings cut.
After several moments of deep breathing, he straightens up to glare at Ed. "You, Sir, are quite the menace," he says, pointing an accusing finger at Ed's chest.
Ed gives him his most charming grin. "It was pretty funny though, eh?"
Clearly Stede is fighting it, but after a moment he can't hold back his laughter. Ed joins him, giggling like a child.
It takes a while for the laughter to die down. Eventually Stede wipes away tears and says, "So this was all, what, some silly prank? Did the guys at the office put you up to this? I bet it was Lucius, that bugger!"
That brings them back to the situation at hand.
Clearly Stede wasn't the one who requested his services, but someone did. Actually, now that thinks about it, he remembers reading in Stede's profile that he was referred to the agency by a regular client of theirs named Lucius Spriggs. He's never personally done a job for him, but from what he knows, Lucius and his boyfriend often hire one of their men to spend the night with them. And since Lucius has a perfect record with the agency, they took his referral easily.
"Do you mean Lucius Spriggs?"
"Yes, he's my assistant."
Ed shakes his head. "I wasn't lying earlier, mate. I really did come here to fuck you," Ed says with a shrug. "I think your friend Lucius is trying to get you laid." He can't say he's ever been in a situation like this, his prices are usually too high for someone to hire him for a laugh.
Stede sobers quickly. "Wait... So you're really...?"
"Yup," Ed says, popping the 'p'. He's trying to appear casual, but he takes a step back, aware that rich pricks can be... well, pricks. Although he's sure he could take Stede in a fight, he's not really interested in testing that theory.
Stede's eyes widen. "I am so sorry!" He gushes, looking shattered. "Ju- just wait here! I'll get my wallet and pay you whatever I owe you. I'm terribly sorry about all this. I'll make sure to have a very long conversation with Lucius about boundaries and minding his damned business and- I'm not sure how much cash I have, but I can make a quick run to the ATM and-"
Ed cuts off Stede's rant by catching the man's arm as he tries to rush past, eyes already darting around in search of his wallet. "Take a breath," he says with an amused smile, it's only onces Stede's obeyed that he drops his arm. He doesn't miss the way Stede immediately reaches up and touches the spot where Ed's hand just left, cheeks going a lovely pink. "Don't worry about it. Okay? Your friend's already paid in full, generous tip and all."
"Oh," Stede says, releasing a relieved sigh. Then clears his throat, eyes not meeting Ed's. "Well good, I'd hate to think I'd wasted your time."
Ed takes in the way Stede blushed at just a friendly touch on the arm, and the way he's still absentmindedly rubbing at the spot as though he's trying to savour the feeling, and makes a calculated decision.
"The night has just begun, nothing wasted yet." He says in a suggestive tone, resting his hand gently on Stede's hips to drive his point home. It's only a casual touch, but it sends Ed's heart racing in the way it hasn't in years... maybe ever. He holds his breath, waiting for the other man's reaction.
Stede meets his eyes then, seemingly unable to look away. They stand there staring at eachother like for god knows how long before Stede finally whispers, "I couldn't..." But there's no conviction there. Ed's been doing this a long time, he knows when to push, he's also shockingly afraid of pushing too much- of being rejected. And isn't that a fucking joke? Being rejected by a client. Ha.
Actually... that gives him an idea.
He carefully takes a step back and reaches for his phone, a little pleased by the way Stede's face drops in disappointment.
"Well then," Stede says, voice trembling. "I suppose that's that then!" He's clearly trying to force lightness into his voice, and failing miserably. "I assume you're calling for a ride home, yes? Well, feel free to wait in here until it arrives! Oh my, how rude of me! I haven't even offered you a drink-"
Ed cuts off Stede's rambling by holding up a finger as he puts the phone to his ear.
"Hey, Iz, you know that job I had tonight? Yeah, the rich twat." He gives Stede a wink, receiving a confused frown in return.
"Well it fell through. No, nothing bad, just you were right, it wasn't a good fit for me."
Ed rolls his eyes as Izzy blabbers on. "For fucks sake, man, I already said 'you're right', take the win. No you don't have to send anyone else, guy changed his mind. Just send him a refund. Uh huh."
Ed half listens as Izzy goes off about reputation, commitment, blah blah blah, not really paying any attention. Instead, Ed focuses on Stede, he hooks a finger into the waistband of Stede's ridiculous trousers, and pulls him closer, earning him a quiet gasp.
"Uh huh," he says absently, leaning forward to run his lips against Stede's warm and lovely smelling neck. The sound Stede makes in response will live with Ed forever; a low, punched out, needy whine. Christ, he can't wait to be off this damned call.
"-ward. Edward! Are you even listening!?"
Izzy's high pitched screeching breaks his focus.
"Fuck. Yes, I heard you. Look, I gotta go, I'll talk to you tomorrow." With that, he unceremoniously ends the call and puts his phone on DND, fully expecting that Izzy will call him back several more times.
Now that both of his hands are free, he's able to properly take hold of Stede's hips, pressing their bodies together.
"There," he breathes, right into Stede's ear, thrilled by the way it makes Stede shiver, "now you're not my client. You're just Stede," he brushes a soft kiss to Stede's neck, "and I'm just Ed." Another kiss, this time adding a teasing scrape of teeth.
Stede melts against him.
"Jesus Christ." Stede curses, hand coming to tentatively rest on Ed's waist.
Ed pulls back a bit and smirks, "I'm flattered, but I did say you can just call me Ed."
Stede pinches him playfully on the side causing Ed to squirm away, laughing uncontrollably. He tries to play it off, but clearly Stede noticed because there's a glint in his eyes that promises trouble.
"Ticklish?" He asks, head tilting to the side innocently, while the grin that spreads across his face is anything but innocent.
"No! Shut up." Ed's loud and rapid denial is far too telling. "I'll have you know I'm a goddamn professional. I'm fully in control of my body at all times!"
Stede's eyes go soft. "I'm sure that's true when you're working, but right now you're not Ed the Professional, you're just Ed."
The way he says it, all soft and sweet, without judgement, makes Ed's heart race.
Stede doesn't allow him to dwell on it though, he takes a playfully menacing step towards Ed, hands raised, ready to attack.
Ed's eyes go wide. He takes a step back, further into the house, and lifting his hands up defensively. "Now hold on one minute there, let's talk this through!" He can barely keep the grin from his face.
Stede dramatically taps his chin, pretending to think it over. "Hmm, let's see. You've had several laughs at my expense tonight, not to mention the thing with Doug. Don't laugh! I'm never going to hear the end of that, you know? Mary's going to go on and on about her genius. I'm probably going to have to buy her a gift!"
Ed is doubled over in laughter. "That was all you, mate. You could have just told him you picked me up at a bar."
Stede growls playfully and attacks. He almost grabs Ed by the waist, but he misses when Ed makes the unexpected decision to jump over the back of the couch.
Ed stands on the other side, panting slightly. He hasn't had this much fun in years!
Leaning forward to prop himself up on the back of the couch, Ed grins. "You're going to have to work a little harder than if you want to get me." He raises a brow teasingly.
Stede's eyes promise the best kind of trouble. "I may come from money, but I'm not opposed to hard work, especially when the reward is well worth it."
Then he gives chase.