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I
The road that was broken brought us together
—
Five minutes.
It has been exactly five minutes since they set their eyes on this unassuming stream by the edge of the forest. As if it’ll do him any protection from pursuers, the first thing Sunghoon did was to wash all stage paint off his face.
In such a dire situation, anyone would think he had a lot going on in his mind. Especially now that he was running for his life.
But he didn't. At least, not when the actual heir to the throne stood right beside him. Looking at him, only one word made its presence known in Sunghoon's mind.
Breathtaking.
Enamored as he is by the other's charm, he couldn't quite grasp the fact that the prince just verbalized his very thought, only that this time, it was directed to him.
"I never thought..." Sunghoon heard him hesitate. "You'd look anything near fetching."
A beat passed. One was debating whether to apologize for a possible unintended offense, while the other was mulling over the statement he hadn't even heard for half of his life.
What exactly do you say when someone, let alone a prince, flatters you out of the blue?
Sunghoon took his time thinking of a reply and in the meantime, looked around for any signs of trouble. In the end, he did what he never expected to do.
"Thank you. But I won't come close to someone like you, your highness." He told the truth. And to a royal at that.
Upon hearing his words, the prince's face turned into the pleasant shade of a ripe tomato. He stammered a few times— not quite princely, yet Sunghoon still found it endearing.
"Just— just call me Jaeyun."
Well, that is something. He thought himself to be more hostile to royalty than the average person, but Sunghoon couldn't do something as blatant as calling one with their given name right at their face.
"Your highness, I couldn't—"
"Please?"
The jester found himself nodding at the first implication of an order. "Alright, alright. J-Jaeyun."
The prince promptly sat down with a smile against the nearest tree stump, all while still admiring his subject's features without a word. Beneath the ever-present face paint were thick brows, a tall nose, and full lips that never would've reached Jaeyun's imagination. And yet, here was the court jester now, collecting twigs from the nearby riverbank while still clad in his multicolored motley.
"What's your name?"
Sunghoon paused from his mundane activity. When he turned to him, Jaeyun averted his gaze out of consciousness.
"Prince of Fools."
"That's not... I mean..." the prince hesitated. Sunghoon waited.
"What is your real name?
Jaeyun let out an undignified squeak when without warning, Sunghoon stood up and approached him, an armful of twigs held in his hands. As if to help, the prince spoke again.
"I just don't think you look anything like—"
"...A fool?"
The two looked each other in the eyes, both not quite finding the will to look away immediately. Only when Sunghoon was reminded of his brazenness did he break eye contact, and for the prince to finally react.
"W-well, yes. You really don't."
Sunghoon sat down with crossed legs in front of his companion. He took a moment to sigh before he answered.
"Park Sunghoon. My name is Park Sunghoon."
But before Jaeyun could even respond to his newfound information, Sunghoon dashed back into the stream, leaving the prince to instead keep whatever unsaid thoughts were in his mind.
.
It was Jaeyun who demanded that they both find a change of clothes at once, especially for Sunghoon. In his words, the ones they had on weren't “the best” ones for their situation.
It wasn't like Sunghoon was surprised—after all, he didn't expect someone as a future king to stand getting his clothes dirtied. But good for him too, because he knew he couldn't go any further in their escape with his brightly colored jester clothes—he'd be seen easily.
Currently, they were three days into their journey to the nearest kingdom to seek refuge. Twice already, they almost got caught by the same group of bandits that infiltrated the castle, right when everyone was in high spirits at the royal banquet.
At this point, it still feels unreal for Sunghoon to be in such proximity to the sole heir of his kingdom. Much more to be the one tasked to protect him.
To his right, Sunghoon noticed how Jaeyun paused from eating the grilled fish in his hands. He had his attention on the crackling firewood and seemed to be thinking deeply.
"What's the matter, your– I mean, Jaeyun?" he called.
When he realized that he was being called, Jaeyun started, almost dropping his meal in the process.
"Why?" The prince's wide eyes shone brightly from the fire and faintly from the pale moonlight. "Were you talking to me?"
Sunghoon stared at him for a while. For a royal like himself, Jaeyun sure didn't act like one. He was even more timid than any lower viscount Sunghoon had ever met.
He cleared his throat before he spoke. "You stopped eating. Is anything the matter?"
Jaeyun's brows rose in sheer surprise, not at all expecting his thoughts to be evident in his troubled expression.
"Well... Um, have you ever played jester for free?"
The whole time, Sunghoon waited for something as a complaint to escape the prince's lips. Or it could've been more for worry about the welfare of his family. But it was neither, and even more, it was about Sunghoon, of all things.
"Never." Sunghoon dug into the dirt to bury his stick after eating up his fish. "If I were not to take a fee, I'd have to let dishonesty through my teeth to make it through every single day."
Jaeyun fell silent at his response. Of course. Sunghoon expected nothing more from someone as privileged.
A few more moments passed in silence with only the sound of crickets and burning wood accompanying it.
"Tell me," Sunghoon heard Jaeyun start again after a while. "Do you think these clothes are worthy of a prince?"
At the first mention of the question, Sunghoon already knew what to say. But in the course of his being with Jaeyun, he hadn't had this much issue with honesty, and this sends him on alert every single time.
"No, they aren't." He told the truth. Jaeyun nodded in understanding.
"I'd like to think so too. In such clothes, I am no prince." Jaeyun looked him straight in the eye, one thing he always avoided the whole time they were together. "So why are you still helping me? I've never done anything for you, nor can I even pay you now."
The forgotten piece of fish stuck on the stick was finally remembered as Sunghoon took a while to reply. Jaeyun put his attention back to finishing whatever food was given to him.
After his last bite from the flavorless dish, Jaeyun was surprised to see Sunghoon holding up a hand to take his scraps. As he made work to bury it in the ground as well, the jester eventually answered.
"Without the paint on my face, I am just Park Sunghoon. But whatever garment you wear, you're still Sim Jaeyun."
He gave it all his might to pack the soil with his bare hands, then turned back to his companion.
"I was not born a jester, but you, my liege, are born a prince. The world meant it to be this way."
Jaeyun looked nowhere near satisfied with the answer he got, and Sunghoon understood. Neither was he.
What exactly should he say when until today, he never bothered to do whatever this is anyway?
"Were you always a jester?" Jaeyun tried to steer the conversation off in a different direction. The jester entertained it, letting them both breathe out in relief.
"I meant to be in the army. But you know what they say," he cut himself off with a bitter chuckle. "Harlots give birth to buffoons."
When he looked back at Jaeyun, his wide eyes only blinked animatedly without so much as a hint of amusement.
"Jest or not, I cannot laugh at that." In Jaeyun's determined gaze, Sunghoon could see his own reflection: tainted with ridicule and insecurity.
And so, for the second time that night, the topic of their conversation was changed, but this time by the jester himself.
"I apologize for the lack of better-tasting food. That is if this even had any taste at all."
In the faint light of the moon, Sunghoon could see the very smile that captivated him. Jaeyun laughed, and for some reason, it was more than enough reassurance.
"The best food are the ones that keep you alive."
II
You think that what makes a king is gold
—
Two months.
It has been exactly two months since Jaeyun last saw Sunghoon. Until now, it feels so unreal.
How could someone whom he'd known only under the guise of pretense be the most genuine person Jaeyun has ever met?
He had no idea, but like what the jester said that he uses to comfort himself these days, just maybe, the world meant for it to be that way. For every question Jaeyun didn't know the answer to, that was the only answer he had. And though it was inadequate in every sense, it eventually grew to be acceptable.
While the mess back in his home is still being settled, in the meantime, he stays in the kingdom of his betrothed. Might as well spend the time to get to know each other more—whether he likes it or not, they'll end up together anyway.
He goes by the name Jisoo, and at first glance, it isn't hard to see how women dream to sweep him off his feet. He was tall, speaks with eloquence, and has a face that is easy on the eye.
But for whatever reason, Jaeyun couldn't fall in love with him. Maybe it's because he never bothers to look at him twice whenever they're together. Never bothers to ask if he was fine. Never bothers to make it a point that he was always entertained.
Jisoo had everything to offer: gold, a palace, diamond rings, all of which a lot of people could only dream of having. Yet somehow, having everything in this world still isn't enough for Jaeyun.
Why is it that someone who had nothing gave him something much more?
Just maybe, jesters could be better kings.
But there is no use lamenting over what is already gone. From here on, the only thing he could do is to move forward to an uncertain future, still with the same people who never quite knew him. It was understandable. It was never him, only his status and nothing more. He couldn't even remember anyone who has done anything for him without asking for something in return.
Except for Sunghoon. The moment he left, he took nothing with him from Jaeyun, other than a discreet piece of his heart. A thief indeed!
The prince stood up from his dressing table after fixing himself up. Today was the day he will meet with the younger allies of his future husband, and for that very reason, he had to look his best.
He clutched the soft object inside his pocket. A handkerchief, now washed, given to him by the jester when he cried on their first day together. It provided him the same comfort as it did the first time.
Jaeyun started to make his way to the nearby great hall where they were supposed to receive their guests. He wasn't expecting much for this encounter, even believing that the other prince himself wasn't there yet. And so, Jaeyun devised simple plans on what to do for the meantime should he be a little more punctual.
His silent reflection was broken by the boisterous laughter echoing through the hallways. Among them was Jisoo's familiar voice booming inside the room.
As Jaeyun was about to enter the door, he was struck frozen by the words thrown into the air.
"It is never adultery when you don't get caught. We aren't even married yet!"
Just after Jaeyun did, the rest of their guests tensed up as well at the first sight of him. The only person who remained as relaxed as before was Jisoo, having his back to the entrance without a clue of his arrival. When he did turn around, confusion was evident on his face, probably from how his audience fell silent all of a sudden. Then it changed to comprehension.
"Jaeyun!" He stretched his arm out to Jaeyun and called for him.
"Come here, darling."
For lack of a better word, it was disgusting. Jaeyun felt humiliated. The first endearment he hears from his betrothed came from the same mouth that called him no differently than a concubine. One whom Jisoo found no reason to be with for life.
Jaeyun wonders. How would've Sunghoon felt?
Just like Sunghoon, Jaeyun did something he hadn't done before and hadn't imagined ever doing.
He walked away.
III
When I fold, you see the best in me
—
Three years.
It has been exactly three years since Sunghoon last stepped foot into this castle. Familiar as it was, it wasn’t the same as before.
Especially the person now sitting on the throne, the very seat of the former who received his entertainment.
But he wasn’t here to do that now, not anymore. And if he were being honest, he had no idea at all why he’d still be called to show up here.
Until the new king verbalized his very thought. Again.
“I’ve known your whereabouts for a while now. You don’t perform anymore, do you?”
It took everything in Sunghoon to keep himself from looking up. He reminded himself that nothing was the same anymore—whether he liked it or not, everything has changed.
“I don’t, your majesty.”
He heard the faint sound of footsteps approaching before he felt a hand on his jaw bring his face up.
“Please. Call me Jaeyun.”
Perhaps some things did remain unchanged. The hopeful glimmer on the then-prince’s eyes, that smile that lit up a room, the striking difference between both their statures.
Or the way Sunghoon once again felt the most at peace with himself.
Though he was already standing properly, Sunghoon still made it a point to avoid meeting the other’s gaze. It was almost comical, how someone as tall as him hunched at the sight of Jaeyun, who was shorter by almost a hand.
As he remembers his mischief against the nobility back then, Sunghoon knew it wasn't just about Jaeyun being king now. It's all because he was Jaeyun.
“ Jaeyun ,” he began solemnly, “Why did you call for me?”
At the question, Jaeyun remembered to put his hand down. His once-timid demeanor resurfaced for a moment, but he got over it immediately. His eyes showed the same determination Sunghoon saw in him years ago.
“I wish to be married to you.”
It was Sunghoon’s turn to falter. Had he been speaking, he already would’ve started to stutter a mess.
Thoughts stormed across his mind like a race of galloping horses. Some about how favored he must be to be bestowed upon such an opportunity, but most being that of all people, he certainly was the least deserving to do so.
While he might never bear to hear of his inferiority straight from Jaeyun’s lips, Sunghoon still wanted to know what prompted this offer.
“Why?”
A single word was all it took for Jaeyun’s brows to furrow. Sunghoon heard him let out a puff of breath before he felt hands rest on his shoulders.
“Because I wish to spend the rest of my life with you!”
It was getting convoluted. Being it out of a genuine desire for Sunghoon’s companionship was something far more twisted than just being betrothed. Sunghoon couldn’t even come up with a reason for a forced engagement, what more if it was solely from the king’s complete willingness?
There’s no way he was the one chosen solely to be a royal’s husband all for the sake of love. He was getting played. How humiliating.
Sunghoon used what was left of his respect to mutter, “Your majesty, please excuse me,” then bowed and started to walk away.
“Guards!”
That is, if he were even able to, with the number of guards suddenly coming up to block his way.
“Is that any way to respond to your king?” Jaeyun’s distinct voice resonated across the room. When Sunghoon turned around, the least of his expectations was to be greeted by the king now looking straight at him with eyes filled with tears.
As quickly as their eyes met, Sunghoon looked away from Jaeyun, whose gaze was still currently trained on him. He stared instead to the floor, believing he had no right to see the king in such a state.
“I beg your pardon.” Sunghoon sighed. “But I cannot take you up on that offer, your majesty.”
Amid the silent scrutiny of everyone in the room, Sunghoon went down on his knees and kept his head bowed, a show of his sincerest appeal.
“Please let me go.”
For a moment, the room was filled with pin-drop silence. Only until he heard hushed gasps did Sunghoon finally dare to look up to see what was happening.
Jaeyun also kneeled in front of him, and now, they were eye-to-eye.
He sucked in a breath at the sight that welcomed him. Now that they were much closer to each other, it was clear as day how Jaeyun’s eyes started to redden from his tears.
Yet still, like the first time Sunghoon set his eyes on him, Jaeyun looked breathtaking as ever.
“Is there really no chance?” Unlike his earlier tone, the king was again almost uncharacteristically fearful in his inquiry. He continued to whisper, going off on a tangent as if he was only talking to himself.
“Is there really no one to love me for my self? Not one who sees beyond my status?” he went on. Sunghoon felt so helpless, even when one of the king’s advisors reached for Jaeyun’s arm to hoist him up. But the smaller pulled back just so he could crash onto Sunghoon’s chest and clutch on his shirt.
“Sunghoon, please. I need you.”
To Sunghoon’s relief, the young advisor from earlier seemed to take a hint. He ordered everyone in the room to leave so as to not intrude on what appeared to be a private conversation.
Right when the last person left the throne room, Jaeyun finally broke down in sobs. Unworthy as he was as he believed, Sunghoon was not at all heartless to leave anyone forsaken. The absence of onlookers gave him the least bit of courage as well, making him feel like they were still back in the forest near the riverbank years ago.
Sunghoon caressed the back of Jaeyun’s head and then dared to tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear. As soon as he did, he leaned forward to whisper his answer back.
“No, Jaeyun. You don’t need me.”
The young king pulled away in protest of what he just heard. His brows were furrowed and he had just the same glare he had when Sunghoon once poked fun of his own adversity.
“Yes, I do. I know I do.”
“My king.” His hand went down to Jaeyun’s arm to gently caress it with his thumb instead.
“What could I still offer someone who already has everything?”
Jaeyun shook his head vehemently. “No, no. Not anything, just you. Nothing more, only you.”
The sight of his king morosely wiping his own tears and looking miserable sent a pang through Sunghoon’s heart. More than the misery of not having enough, he mulled over what it was like not being enough.
But can being inadequate for one make someone adequate for another?
As if burned by the touch after having such a thought, Sunghoon took his hand away. Just an unkind reminder to know his place.
He sighed, forlorn. “My whole life, I lived under a shroud of lies. I only valued people who were useful for my interests. I lived to lie, and I lied to live. Is this the person you’d wish to spend your life with?”
Glancing at the other, Sunghoon knew Jaeyun's dejected expression wasn’t from disappointment, but rather from the mere fact that he was turned down. He was heartbroken .
He took the king’s hand in his own larger ones.
“All my life, only one person ever saw through my pretenses. Made me feel valid. From then on, I couldn’t live a lie anymore, and now I have nothing.”
Jaeyun hid a sniffle with his other hand that wasn’t being held.
“W-Who?”
A smile bloomed on Sunghoon’s chapped lips. A genuine one, much unlike the ones he’d grown to give before ever meeting Jaeyun in his life.
“You.”
For a moment, neither of them spoke. Sunghoon didn’t even notice the tear falling from his eye if not for Jaeyun himself wiping it with his hand. Disconcerted by the gesture, it brought Sunghoon to initiate.
“So unless you could live with the thought of carrying a burden forever,” Sunghoon paused to smile as he brushed his fingers through Jaeyun’s hair, “While we both still can, please let me go.”
Even with the weight he felt was pulling him to the ground, Sunghoon quickly let go of his hold on the king and stood on his feet. However, before he could even turn around, arms wound themselves around his nape to pull him back down to face the king. Any closer and they could do something they might regret forever.
Jaeyun clutched at Sunghoon’s nape, tenderly playing with his hair. His eyes were trained on the other’s that were looking at him just the same.
“All my life, only one person ever saw me through my status. Made me feel my worth when I had nothing. From then on, I couldn’t live with the thought of losing him forever.”
Sunghoon felt the gentle prod of the king’s forehead against his. His eyes were closed, but for some reason, Sunghoon had never before felt as exposed as he did now.
“Tell me. Would you do that to your own king?”
Sunghoon moved, thus panic showed in Jaeyun’s eyes at the first thought of him leaving. But he didn’t—he merely moved to wrap an arm around Jaeyun’s waist and hold his face with the other.
Sunghoon wiped the remains of tears on the smaller’s face and the whole time, Jaeyun was only staring at him. Silence prevailed between the two of them until Sunghoon finally spoke.
“I wouldn’t.”
He came forward to plant the deepest kiss on the king’s lips, giving everything in him to make Jaeyun feel his yearning until they were both gasping for air.
When they pulled away, it was just so Sunghoon could hold him close and never let go.
“At least to you, Jaeyun, I wouldn’t dare.”