Work Text:
dear (brother) technoblade,
i'm sorry.
that feels like the right thing to start with, i guess. you deserve an apology, and i'm sorry for denying you one for so long. i won't bother with excuses, you've never liked those anyway. i can only apologise. i betrayed you, i know that, and it haunts me. i turned my back on you in favour of a country doomed to fail. i knew it would never work, and yet, i still turned my back. i hurt you, and i knew i hurt you. and for that, i'm sorry. you helped me the best you could, and i took it and left. i took you for granted. i know i used you as a weapon, not just in exile, but in pogtopia too. i'm sorry, that's my fault.
i'm sorry.
i feel stupid repeating that, but i heard you got trapped in the prison. i don't know who told me, i think i overheard it from bad, but no one deserves that. all i can really do is apologise, and hope you're okay. the prison ruins people, techno, don't let it ruin you. please.i know we've never been exactly close, or friendly, even, but i wouldn't wish the prison on my worst enemy. i know it's horrible in there, i won't go into details, i don't want you to have to remember. this is stupid. i know you won't even read this, but whatever. you never made it out of the prison, and i wish i could've said sorry while you were alive. that sounded dumb. i know you're alive, but you won't be the same sort of alive as you were before the prison. this is both to you now, and the person that the prison stripped you of being:
i'm sorry.
you were right, y'know? power corrupts, and i hate that it took me so long to realise. sam used to be nice, i swear, i'd know. he helped me build a shelter for those whose homes had been destroyed, and he even offered to adopt me too, (and he called me toms, just the way phil used to), but he's lost it, techno. i heard he was the one to lock you in there, it wasn't even a security error like it was with me. i'm so sorry, and i'm sorry that i keep repeating that but you know i've never been good with words. -not like you-. i should never have doubted you. you were right from the start, when you looked at wilbur tearing at the walls in the ravine and you quietly told me that government was never the answer. that government did that to him. i hate that you were right. i hate that you are right.
i'm sorry.
i heard you managed to escape. i know it means nothing, but you don't know how fucking happy i was when i heard. i'm proud, y'know? i don't know how you managed to tear your way out of there (kicking and screaming, i imagine), but i'm impressed. i'm not surprised, though. if there was one person to be smart enough to do that, it'd be you, of course.
i'm sorry.
before i'd heard you left, i truly believed you were dead. i know you can cheat death as easy as a breath comes to most people, but i think it was just too close to how it was with me. a shut prison, a trapped prisoner in dreams cell, and no outside information. it was too similar. i thought he'd taken your three lives. i think i cried when i found out you lived, i can't remember.
i'm sorry.
i heard the siren. you know my house is near the prison? there was a siren when you disappeared. apparently they thought dream escaped with you, so they set it off. it didn't turn off for a week. night and day, nonstop. ranboo offered for me to go and stay with them to get away from the sound, but i didn't mind. because the siren meant you'd escaped. the siren meant you weren't dead, that you were alive and okay enough to escape. and i know it means nothing, i'm not expecting it to mean anything, don't worry, but every single time i woke up in that crumbling dirt house and heard those nonstop sirens, i smiled, because it meant you were still out of the prison. when it stopped, i thought theyd caught you, and killed you. it wasn't until sam raided my house to see if you were there that i realised they'd simply had to turn it off.
i'm sorry.
i'm glad you got out of there. it sounds disgusting and selfish (classic me), but i needed to apologise. you've deserved an apology for so long. you...leaving without one seemed wrong, and i know i've been repeating it like a broken record, but honestly, i'm so genuinely fucking sorry. i can't say it enough, you deserve so many apologies, and i can only do so much, but i'm doing the most i can.
so i'm sorry, techno.
truly,
goodbye,
tommy,
i'll miss you.