Work Text:
“You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”
—Oscar Wilde
Poor little Akaashi didn’t know what to think. Here he was, a mere elementary student, opening his Pokéball-shaped Valentine’s Day box, fearing that the contents would be less—or worse—than he originally expected. He had even shaken the box (as quietly as possible) and found that there were indeed, a few Valentines stuffed inside. “A few” was more than Akaashi expected. His classmates didn’t seem to like him very much, even though he was quiet and easily approachable; maybe it rubbed people the wrong way, him being so shy, but Keiji couldn’t help if he was timid. Unfortunately, that was who he was.
What if they’re actually bombs? Akaashi worried, staring down at the oversized Pokéball. What if their mothers don’t like me either, and convinced them to kill me off? I don’t want to die on Valentine’s Day! Maybe it’s something worse. Maybe they’re all fakes, and everyone will laugh at me.
That’s true, he replied to his own worries grimly. None of the girls have ever had crushes on me—but I guess…I have nothing to lose…
Keiji opened the Pokéball, hoping to see Pikachu himself fall out, but there were only several Valentines, all with little candies attached. The third grader shakily selected one that seemed to be the least harmless. To Akaashi, from Ari: the pink card had a lame Valentine’s joke and a cute puppy printed on it. This was a relief to Akaashi, who exhaled deeply and shakily grabbed the next card, which had red candy hearts attached. To Akaashi, from Tito: he frowned internally at that one, recognizing that the names had been written in motherly handwriting.
Duh. Tito doesn’t like me, the dark haired boy thought sadly. He always looks at me weird when I sit alone at recess. His mom probably made him give one to everyone. If he had a choice, I know he wouldn’t have given me one…he’s probably mad because he thinks I’ll try to start some kind of friendship with him now, and that would be bad for his image.
Akaashi went through the others, injuring himself by wondering why he had only received seven Valentines, when there were over ten kids in his class—and none of them were from the lone individual he expected (or hoped) would get him one. All in all, this holiday wasn’t turning out to be very cheery, but that was nothing new to Akaashi, whose anxiety made it impossible for him to enjoy any holiday they celebrated at school…
Someone sat down in the empty desk in front of him. Thankfully, Keiji knew it was safe to look up, because he recognized the white, oversized t-shirt, beef-like smell and spikey gray and black hair. He especially recognized those golden, owlish eyes, the ones he had come to admire over the last few months. Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi’s only friend in the entire school was loudly ripping a hole into his baseball-themed box, since he had forgotten to make a place where he could empty the box, and apparently, had forgotten that he could have just tugged the entrance hole open in order to find his Valentines.
He didn’t say anything. Neither did Akaashi.
I hope he likes the Reese’s peanut butter cup, Keiji thought anxiously, watching his friend dump out over ten Valentines onto his lap. I gave everyone else smaller candies, because I know he only likes those, and nothing else. He’ll probably give the rest to me later. Well, maybe he won’t, even though the opportunity will come up…he might avoid the topic just because he doesn’t want me to have them. Or because he doesn’t want to bestow his kindness on someone as useless as me. Unless he wants to make me his slave. No, no, that’s ridiculous!
Unless…
Bokuto glanced over at Akaashi and grinned that childish grin of his, shoving the Reese’s peanut butter cup into his friend’s face.
“Ha!” The taller boy cheered triumphantly. “I knew someone would come through! Thanks, Kaashi-chan!”
It had taken some time to teach Bokuto how to say his name right, but Keiji didn’t mind all the strange nicknames he received as a result of his failure to teach Bokuto proper Japanese.
“S-Sure. You’re welcome.”
Bokuto basically gnawed his way through the wrapper and stuffed the chocolate/peanut butter combination into his mouth. Akaashi tried not to laugh too loudly—he didn’t want to attract the attention of his classmates. He looked back down at the battleground in front of him, seeing nothing special; no hidden love notes, no cramped comments, no Valentine different from the rest.
I guess I should be thankful I got any, Akaashi thought, sneaking a glance upward. I wonder if Bokuto gave me one…
The smaller boy hesitantly picked up another Valentine while his friend investigated a temporary tattoo that had a kitten on it. To Akaashi, from Kaoru: another silent sigh. Kaoru’s mother had spelled his name wrong, and crossed out the entire thing before trying again—but it was fine. Keiji could just scribble out the names and pretend they were all from Bokuto. Pain shot through the student’s chest at the reminder that he would once again, have to pretend he was liked and wanted.
As little Akaashi moved his Pokéball aside, something rolled around inside; his desperate interest was caught. Keiji stopped what he was doing, cautiously glancing across the classroom—no one was watching. They were all preoccupied with their little social groups, giggling over secret love notes, sweet candies and cute cards. He wouldn’t be embarrassed if he reached in, expecting another Valentine, and came out with nothing. A similar situation happened during the Christmas party, right before Bokuto moved to Fukurodani—Akaashi never wanted that to happen ever again, so he waited exactly three minutes, just to make sure.
Bokuto turned to him during this time, dropping all of his excess candy onto his friend’s desk.
“How can you eat this junk, Kaashi-kun?” He questioned dramatically. “Don’t you have any meals? Real meals?”
“Candy fills me up,” Akaashi said quietly, shrugging.
Bokuto laughed a beaming laugh, unknowingly making his friend anxious, since the laugh had attracted people’s weary gazes.
“I hope it keeps snowing,” The wild haired boy said while standing up to throw his wrapper away. “Maybe then school will get cancelled and we can build snowmen together!”
Despite his innocent, clumsy appearance, Bokuto loved a good adrenaline rush. Akaashi, not so much. He had enough adrenaline from everyday life, such as when he walked into the classroom, sat down in his desk, got called on during class, got the answer right or wrong during class, or when he had to cough during class but didn’t want anyone to look or hear him so he just sat there choking on his own throat. In spite of this difference, their friendship, only a month or so old, was grounded—that was why Keiji shoved his arm into the box, searching around for the lost Valentine.
What if I gave Bokuto that Reese’s and he didn’t get me anything?! Have I been blinded by my only friend? Is this a sign? Bokuto…isn’t actually my friend? Am I an idiot? I was wrong the entire time…
Horrified beyond reason, Akaashi jerked his hand around inside the Pokéball frantically: it brushed against something, making a rustling noise. He froze for only a second before slowly retracting his trembling hand, as if his very life depended on it, revealing the final Valentine; Keiji stared down at the paper with wide blue eyes, reading quickly.
Akaashi blinked twice, re-reading the comment several times before slipping out the special edition, full size, dark chocolate Milky Way bar—it wasn’t coincidence that he had been given his favorite candy. Bokuto remembered. He actually remembered.
The thought of his only friend recalling that tiny, sidebar detail made Akaashi’s spirits soar. His heart sped-up with astonishment. Someone had remembered something about him. Him, Akaashi Keiji, the most unmemorable kid in the entire school! He silently realized that there had only been one occasion where he mentioned that this specific candy bar was his favorite, over three weeks ago. His anxiety was all but forgotten, if only for a brief moment as Akaashi continued to stare at the candy bar, trying to get a grip on the situation. This cherishing act of their short, yet close bond overwhelmed his fear of rejection, of humiliation, of every terrible thing his anxiety could conjure up to scare him. Being Akaashi Keiji, having a moment like this was nothing short of a miracle.
A voice over the intercom interrupted the third grader’s Valentine’s Day party.
“Due to worsening road conditions, school will be let out in twenty minutes, at one o’clock. Please make sure each student has their snow clothes on before leaving the premises.”
***
Akaashi and Bokuto stomped through the thick snow together while carrying their beat up Valentine’s boxes, other students driving by in their parents cars as everyone went home for the day. Akaashi’s confidence had been boosted significantly, now having his Pokéball stuffed with a combination of his and Bokuto’s candy. He didn’t feel popular, per say, but just a little bit better about himself, which was significant in his book. Keiji thought he wanted other people to like him too, not just Bokuto, but as they walked, and as the taller boy demanded that Akaashi tell him he had brought them good luck by wishing for it to keep snowing, Keiji didn’t feel an urge to have any more friends.
“I guess your yelling at the sky could have caused more snow to fall on the roads…if the clouds were cumulonimbus.”
Koutarou cocked a gray eyebrow at him playfully, almost disappearing underneath his owl-themed stocking cap, ears, beak and all.
“That’s a big word, Kaashi-chan! Where’d you learn that? Never mind, I know what you’ll answer—books, of course. You should play baseball with me this summer! If you do that, I’ll start reading more books, and learn big words like you.” Bokuto paused, kicking a snow chunk onto Akaashi’s path. “Hey—you’re the word expert, Kaashi: what’s the actual definition of love?”
“Love?” Akaashi repeated, getting anxious again as he pulled the Pokéball tighter to his chest. He had looked this word up several times before, trying to determine its meaning, how one could make themselves lovable, but his investigations always ended in failure. “Umm…in the Dictionary it says ‘an intense feeling of deep affection.’ But I think it also means ‘a great interest and pleasure in something.’”
Keiji looked away from the scene as an attempt to hide his embarrassment, thinking himself a liar for never having experienced said “love” before; despite the friendly gesture of candy on Valentine’s Day earlier, he felt that Bokuto would start interrogating him, asking who he had a crush on, tease him relentlessly, maybe even ask if he had ever loved anyone. Akaashi didn’t think anyone outside his family loved him. He didn’t understand love. This passiveness, constant confusion and misunderstanding was how he came to be so isolated, so lonely—after gradually entering the overwhelming society of school, Akaashi became more and more convinced that no one except his parents could ever love him.
He didn’t understand that this quiet, unsettled behavior was what drove the inexperienced, unsocialized children to create a dominant shadow over of his existence, preventing him from being bold and showing the world what he had to offer, thus, preventing Keiji from letting himself be loved and cherished by anyone.
Bokuto thought deeply about this definition as his weary friend went silent, watching his boots, being careful for ice patches below their feet.
Love…what things do I love? Well, I love baseball, and I love Reese’s, Koutarou thought casually. That’s pretty much it. Oh, and I love giving Akaashi stuff! His reactions are hilarious. I love watching his face change.
“Love, glove,” Bokuto rambled out loud. “I love my glove, I love my…ringdove. Hey, Kaashi! How come we don’t celebrate things we love on Valentine’s Day? How come we only celebrate with people? What if you don’t love anyone? What do you do then?”
Bokuto didn’t really love Akaashi’s obvious distress at being asked something so deep. He reacted that way often, and Bokuto noticed it almost instantly upon meeting the cute boy, despite being somewhat of an airhead himself. He always wondered what was so different about Akaashi’s life that made him so much wiser.
“I-I don’t know,” Keiji shrugged through his large winter scarf. His face was still pink from the cold wind, making him look like a cute, animated bunny rabbit. “I think there’s always someone you love…like your mom, and your pets.”
“I guess that’s true…but I don’t think I’ve ever given my pet something on Valentine’s Day. Have you?”
Akaashi shook his head, still staring at the ground anxiously.
“No,” He replied softly. “Maybe I should, when I get home…”
The boys were quiet for a moment, silently trying to figure out why there were so many unanswerable questions about love.
Even Akaashi, who’s super-duper smarty-pants doesn’t have an answer, Bokuto thought, holding his box on top of his head. Kaoru, Yuri and Haruka all gave me special Valentine’s. What does that mean? I forgot there were even girls in our class! Akaashi was a…what’s the word…“approachable” guy—that’s why on my first day here, I sat by him at recess while he was sitting by the wall, making a tiny snow mound with his boots!
Why don’t the girls love Akaashi? Koutarou wondered finally, glancing down at his little buddy. Akaashi happened to be thinking the same thing, but the idea wasn’t as amusing, coming from his mind…
How do I answer Bokuto? Keiji thought grimly, gripping his Pokéball tighter and tighter. He’s the only one who talks to me. Everyone else is afraid to, and even when they do, it’s awkward, and they always rush away. Sometimes I hear them talking about the me to their friends—once I even heard Yuri tell Bokuto that she thought I was a freak. I’m glad I ran away before I could hear his response…
Their candy clunked around in their boxes as the boys walked, reminding Akaashi of something.
But…
Keiji dared to glance over at Bokuto, who was already looking at him. He cracked a grin and shoved Akaashi’s stocking cap down over his eyes, getting a small smile from the boy. Bokuto fixed it for him the next second, only to shove it back down once more. That got a real giggle out of Akaashi.
“You can’t be mean to me,” The dark haired boy accused, fixing his hat. “It’s Valentine’s Day.”
“Pf. Love schmuv!”
“That isn’t a word. It can’t be a rhyme if it isn’t a word.”
Despite his playful conversation, Akaashi was still thinking deeply on the subject of love.
The candy bar. Bokuto had given him a dark chocolate Milky Way for Valentine’s Day. He apologized for the “pick up line,” whatever that was, and told him Happy Valentine’s Day. Happy VALENTINE’S day. The day of love. And they were walking home together, like they always did, ever since they met. And Koutarou hadn’t teased Akaashi about how many candies he had gotten, and he didn’t call him a pig for gladly accepting the ones Bokuto gave him so graciously.
Does that mean…Bokuto loves me? No, no, that can’t be it, Keiji shook his head. We’re opposites. He likes sports, I don’t really know what sports are. He doesn’t like candy, I live off it. More importantly…the other kids don’t avoid him as much as the avoid me. They think he’s funny. Some of them think he’s weird, but not as weird as me. The amount of Valentine’s he received shows that.
Akaashi was starting to feel sick.
They may not love Bokuto…but they would rather give him Valentine’s than me. Anyone, as long as it wasn’t me.
“Valentine’s Day is weird,” Bokuto commented, although his voice was becoming distant to Akaashi. “Whoever thought of it must’ve had like, six wives or something—but I loooove the candy part, as long as I get lots of Reese’s! Don’t you like the candy part, Kaashi-kun?”
Akaashi’s face was hidden beneath his scarf again, eyes pointed at the ground. He spoke in a whisper when he finally replied.
“You don’t even like candy.”
“Well, yeah,” Koutarou laughed. “But the whole party thing is cool, and you get more candy because I don’t like most candies, so it all works out in the end.” There was something else Bokuto wanted to say, but he wasn’t sure how to word it. They were coming up on a long ice patch, and had to be careful where they walked. “I guess we’re kind of doing it right.”
“Doing what right?” Akaashi asked, voice even quieter than before.
“Valentine’s Day!” Bokuto explained excitedly. “You showed me ‘affection’ and ‘great interest in something’ by giving me Reese’s, and I showed you ‘affection’ and ‘great interest’ because you’re my best friend, and I gave you a cool sticker and a Milky Way.” The taller boy paused briefly, thinking over what he discovered. “That counts as love, right, Akaashi?”
Keiji’s Pokéball box tumbled into the snow below.
“Kaash—?!”
Bokuto stumbled backwards suddenly, dropping his own box as Akaashi threw his arms around the other’s torso, hugging him urgently. The crying noises were muffled into Bokuto’s big winter jacket, but he still heard them, and became very concerned.
What did I say?!
“You’re my best friend, Bokuto-kun!” Akaashi wailed, barely able to breathe from how frantic his little heart was. “You’re so nice to me, a-and you gave me my favorite candy bar on Valentine’s Day!”
Keiji’s sobs increased, and the passion, the years of pent up emotion were right there, at the peak of his cries, on a cold winter day in February. Bokuto was so stunned at how expressive his friend was being that he forgot to hug back right away.
“I-I know you’ve only been here a few months, but you’re my best friend, and I would cry if you stopped being my friend!!! I love you, Bokuto, please don’t stop being my friend, even though it’s Valentine’s Day, and lots of people break up on Valentine’s Day!” Akaashi whimpered aggressively, as if Koutarou were going to shove him away right then and there. “I’m sorry I didn’t get a lot of Valentine’s, please don’t stop loving me! No one else loves me! Please don’t hurt my f-feelings, Bokuto…p-please don’t…”
Keiji’s small arms hugged Bokuto even tighter as he was unable to continue talking, substituting words for sorrowful cries.
Koutarou was overwhelmed by all the complex phrases Akaashi used, but the point his friend was trying to get across struck him hard—in the mind of a child, things come together in one big moment. Akaashi’s came when Bokuto basically said he loved Akaashi in return. Bokuto’s came when he realized that his only friend didn’t think he had an ‘attraction’ or a ‘intense interest’ in him. Suddenly, everything made sense: his shyness, his passiveness, his anxiety, his stress…Akaashi didn’t think anyone loved him. He didn’t even care about romantic love. He flat-out, plainly, simply, did not think anyone found anything about him attractive or interesting.
Akaashi didn’t feel loved on Valentine’s Day.
Of course, Bokuto didn’t use that kind of wording to describe his friend’s anguish; in his childhood moment, he thought within an instant, and realized he needed to rid Akaashi’s anxiety, using his long, strong arms to squeeze Keiji just as hard as the smaller boy was doing to him.
“It’s okay, Kaashi-kun! I’m not going to hurt your feelings!” Bokuto soothed as his classmate hyperventilated into his blue jacket. “I don’t care if you didn’t get that many Valentines—you got mine, so that’s all I care about. Mine was the best, too, wasn’t it? The dark chocolate, special edition Milky Way?”
Akaashi’s sobs calmed a bit, allowing him to nod into Koutarou’s chest.
“I’m not gonna stop being your friend, ever! Besides, that would be a jerk thing to do on Valentine’s Day—I wouldn’t do it even if hell froze over!” He grinned proudly.
Akaashi leaned away slightly, sniffling harshly and still struggling to contain his sobs.
“You shouldn’t swear, Bokuto-kun,” Keiji whispered half-heartedly.
“Oh, I don’t even know what that means! I just heard my grandpa say it once. It’s kinda funny, isn’t it?”
The dark haired boy almost giggled, and looked at the snowy ground as he wiped away a hurricane of tears with his yellow mittens, the sobs making his chest heave every now and then, too many feelings for a young child to manage on his own. The boys stood there quietly for a second, letting the wind whip around them as clouds became darker overhead; having embarrassed himself enough already, Akaashi gave up on trying to maintain his façade and glanced towards his friend, eyes bloodshot and watery, but clearer than Bokuto had ever seen. His small figure, too, didn’t seem as fragile as before, causing Koutarou to give him a big, proud smile.
It was like the weight of the world had been lifted off Keiji’s shoulders when he saw that smile directed at him, even as he was in the midst of a panic-filled sobbing fit.
“T-Thanks, Bokuto-kun,” Akaashi said sincerely, wiping his nose softly. “You’re the b-best.”
“I know!” Bokuto smiled, ruffling Akaashi’s head through his cap. “And I’m about to be even greater.”
Keiji didn’t really have time to process what Koutarou was doing when he suddenly unzipped his jacket and began tugging the smaller student towards a long ice patch up ahead.
“W-What are we d-doing?”
“Ice skating! Duh!”
Akaashi watched, both in confusion and fascination, as the taller boy threw his coat down and laid on it, stomach to the ground; before Keiji could reply with words of caution, Bokuto launched himself down the ice patch, barreling across the downward slant in the road. He yelled cheerfully all the way, whooping and hollering as his body hurtled forward at lightning speed—when Bokuto made it to the bottom, body jolting with excitement, he hopped up and pointed directly at Akaashi.
“You’re next, Kaashi! It’s a total rush! Come on!”
A few minutes earlier, Keiji might have hesitated. He might have wussed out, found some excuse to leave and not have fun…but that was before Bokuto told him he loved him. Although there was still some evidence of sorrow on his tear-stained face, Akaashi’s anxiety had blown away with the winter wind, along with any fear he had of breaking his teeth on a slide of ice. Koutarou whooped with happiness as he watched Keiji lay his coat down, a thrilling smile lighting up his reddened features as he pushed himself down the ice patch.
As Akaashi’s small body slid at intense speed, crashing into a laughing Bokuto below, it began to snow.
After going down the ice patch countless times, the boys took their Valentine’s boxes home, slipped into new, dry coats and met up again in the street. Bokuto dragged his sled behind them, trying to remember where he had seen that huge hill while looking out the window of his grandfather’s car one day. Akaashi was in a much better mood now, only reverting back to his shy ways in posture—he spoke cheerfully, almost to the point where he was pestering Bokuto about where they were going.
It was quite the turn of events: Keiji was usually the one being pestered by his friend about anything and everything. He had never spoken loud or long enough to pester someone before. Still, Bokuto didn’t feel the slightest bit annoyed, as if he ever could be, entertained and overly excited, now that his friend had lightened up enough to have the time of his life.
“Here it is, Kaashi!”
The boys stood on top of a steep hill. The snow on the ground was still thick from the last snowfall, and the snow falling above was only adding to Bokuto’s thrill-seeking energy. Akaashi, on the other hand, became a little apprehensive at the sight; while Bokuto was crawling into the sled, bouncing and rambling, Akaashi stood there, as stiff as a log, contemplating the outcomes of this current predicament.
This hill is scary, he thought cautiously, starting to sweat underneath his winter layers. I think I might throw up if we gain speed on one of those jumps…Bokuto probably wouldn’t let me fly out of the sled—not on purpose, at least…but it still might happen. What then? Because of my critical, life threatening injuries, Bokuto would vow to never have fun again. I don’t want that…so should act like Bokuto and try to find the joy in speeding down an icy mountain at ninety miles per hour?
Bokuto looked up at Akaashi and grinned that wild grin of his, tugging his owl hat down further over his ears. Akaashi didn’t spot the childish evilness inside that grin—he was too busy panicking in silence, trying to come up with a suitable answer for Bokuto’s question, asking if he was ready to have fun.
Before Keiji could come up with a single excuse, Koutarou yanked him down into the sled.
“B-Bokuto-kun! Wait—“
“Hold on to the sides! We’re gonna go really fast!”
Bokuto launched them down the hill without another warning. Akaashi only had a split second to feel the falling sensation in his stomach, and then, they were flying.
Despite its glistening appearance, the snow was rough, sharp, and jerked the sled up and down, left and right. Keiji started screaming from the get-go, and after a particularly harsh bump, Bokuto joined in, though his was an excited scream. He kept trying to steer, but with Akaashi in front of him and the unpredictability of wet snow, this simple task suddenly became very difficult to maintain.
The sled gained speed, and the boys suddenly felt as if they were about to start a trail of sparks and fire behind them, like an asteroid. Akaashi screamed even louder, seeing a snow pile much too high for his liking—Bokuto saw it as well. His screaming was cut off when he realized how electrifying it would feel to be thrown into the crisp winter air, as if they were the most powerful birds in the world, refusing to be stopped by the cold and falling snowflakes. Without Keiji knowing what his friend was doing, Koutarou leaned forward, pushing them closer together and encouraging the sled to go even faster.
“BOKUTO!!!” Akaashi yelled, heart pounding, head spinning, eyes widened, blazing with both terror and eagerness.
“HOLD ON!!!” Koutarou cheered.
Keiji latched his mitten-covered fingers into the arms of his best friend, preparing for the worst, and yet, there was a special type of…anticipation bursting through his heart as they reached the curve of the jump. Both boys screamed, absolutely captivated by this moment as they flew into the air. Their hearts rose even higher, eyes losing sight of the ground completely, entirely air borne and vulnerable; their voices were caught by the snowflakes and wind, no one able to hear the shakes and joy in their tones. For a long moment, Akaashi felt everything in the world stop.
Amongst his fear, his anxiety, amongst the sharp air and limp feeling as their bodies were lifted inches off of the sled…all Keiji’s thoughts slowed down.
Is this how Bokuto feels all the time? For this split second…am I really this free? Akaashi wondered. Can that be true?
The white ground was coming back into sight, rough and hard, sharp snow chunks hidden beneath softer snow that had just fallen.
Is this how Bokuto wants me to feel, too?
The sled slammed into the ground, both boys feeling their tailbones shatter (theoretically speaking, in the minds of third graders) on impact, and Akaashi would have flown out after the initial bounce, had he not been latched onto Bokuto for dear life, and had Bokuto not been doing the same. They weren’t so much afraid of falling off as they were of the adventure coming to an end.
“Ow!” They laughed in pain, only to lose their voices when they realized the sled hadn’t tipped over onto its side yet. Everything started to move even faster, Akaashi and his friend zipping down the remainder of the snowy hill, hitting every edge and bump possible, yet somehow never losing their footing, nor their speed. Only when the previous snow trails begin to vanish did the sled finally start to lose momentum; Bokuto had planned on sticking his feet out, once the speed came to a bearable amount where it wouldn’t rip his legs off at the knee, but just as he thought up this plan, a large mound of dirt suddenly became visible to both of the boys. A mound of dirt that just happened to be directly in their path.
The sled smashed into it, and the boys flew off.
Everything slipped out from underneath Bokuto, who found the back of his coat riding upwards, revealing his skin to the sharp sting of ice sitting on the top layer of each snowbank; he bounced three hops before catching up to Akaashi’s flying body, which was in the process of coming back down to earth. Bokuto thought he was going to hurl from his gut being checked so abruptly by his classmate’s torso, but luckily, Akaashi had lost weight in the fall from all the stress-induced sweating, and the pain wasn’t as severe as Koutarou expected. Gravity finally, finally stopped their harsh movements, bringing Keiji to a stop as he laid on top of Bokuto.
For a long moment, the boys laid in the cold snow, panting, heaving, hearts racing out of their chests like an owl racing another sky predator. Every organ in their little bodies pounded from adrenaline, snow still falling from the gray clouds above. Bokuto was certain his butt was bleeding, and he could feel scratches forming on his back already, not to mention, his gloves had been lost somewhere along the way, leaving his hands to twitch coldly against the winter air.
Akaashi broke the silence with a giggle.
Koutarou started laughing the second he heard that his friend was okay, body not so mangled that he was unable to show how much fun he was having—laughter turned into cheers of triumphant joy, all while retaining their limp poses on the hard ground. Keiji was sure he had never felt so exhausted, so stress-free, so happy in his entire life, the fun kind of bruises already starting to form on most of his limbs, bruises that would match Koutarou’s come Friday morning.
If any of their classmates asked, Akaashi wouldn’t shy away from telling them all about the adventure he and Koutarou had on Valentine’s Day.
“Bokuto!” Keiji screeched, patting his friend while still laughing, turning over so he was lying across the taller boy’s chest, revealing his illuminated smile that only looked cuter as snowflakes brushed against it. “Let’s go again!”
Bokuto took only a split second to realize what a rare, wondrous scene he was witnessing before answering with an equally enthusiastic shout.
“Okay! Let’s go!”
***
Later that night, after five hours of making snowmen and sliding down snowy hills on their sled, the boys finally began to walk home. Akaashi was feeling like a regular kid at this point, brave enough to reach his cold little arm up and wrap it around Bokuto’s shoulder; his friend did the same in return, ignoring his own shock and letting jubilant relief take over. Snow was still falling from the now-dark night sky, as it had been since one in the afternoon, and would continue to do well into the night.
Akaashi’s only ever acted this way once before, Bokuto realized, listening happily at his small friend rambled on about all the fun they’d had. The day we met, when we played at recess together, and then played after school. It snowed for the first time of the winter that day, I think.
“How many snowmen did we end up making again?!”
“Thirty-two,” Bokuto answered proudly, sticking his chest out. “That’s gotta be some kind of world record, right?!”
“Well, if it isn’t, we can just pretend,” Akaashi agreed, smiling at him with aching cheeks. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed and grinned so much, silently wondering how Koutarou managed the pain. Maybe the joy balanced it out after a while.
The boy’s laughs died out a little as they began to reflect on their fun, which was now a memory implanted into their brains forever. They were soaked head to toe, might have lost a few mittens and socks today, but only now did Akaashi and Bokuto start to realize that; they didn’t know what time it was, how long they had really been playing, but that was the least of their concerns. In fact, the two friends didn’t really have any concerns at all.
Well…Akaashi might have had a few.
In the midst of his reflection, Keiji remembered, or rather, tried to understand, what events had led to him having so much fun. When he recalled how earlier how he had sobbed into Bokuto’s arms, terrified of being rejected, especially because of what he was doing while asking Bokuto to continue being his friend, a shiver unrelated to the winter snow went through his body.
He glanced over at Bokuto, then looked back at the ground.
“Bokuto-kun?”
“Yeah?”
Akaashi hesitated, biting his cold lip harshly.
“Are you…are you only being friends with me…out of pity?”
Bokuto’s hesitance made Keiji more anxious than his own hesitance. He waited nervously, thinking a longer amount of time had passed than it actually had, believing that if it took Koutarou this long to answer, it didn’t mean anything good for him.
Finally, Bokuto looked down at the dark haired boy and blinked.
“What’s ‘pity’ mean?” He asked.
“When you do something for someone not because you like them, but because you feel sorry for them.”
Koutarou wondered why Akaashi didn’t just say that the first time, answering quickly after getting an explanation.
“No way! Why would you think that? I was having just as much fun as you were today!”
Akaashi blushed darkly, but tried to disguise it as the cold wind blowing against his cheeks.
“I-I don’t know…”
“No,” Bokuto repeated, a complete thought forming in his rapidly moving mind. “You’re my friend. I like you. And today, on Valentine’s Day, you give people you love even more…rek…recognition than usual,” He said, glancing over at Akaashi for confirmation. “Right?”
Keiji stared at Bokuto as the snow fell around them, not thinking, just feeling, before nodding eagerly. The spark in his bluish green eyes, seldom seen by anyone, suddenly returned, the same spark Bokuto had seen all evening, and hoped to see more in the future.
“Race ya home!” Keiji squealed.
The boys sprinted as fast as their numb legs could carry them, the sled noisily trailing behind Bokuto, bouncing off the pavement with each hurried step. Akaashi was overwhelmed with fatigued ecstasy—he didn’t understand what was still holding him upright. Talking made him exhausted enough…how was he still able to run after several hours of social interaction with Bokuto? For once, Keiji didn’t think too hard about it. They were nearing their houses, now, using the streetlights and white moon as their guide, breath was visible in the night. After huffing and puffing for a few minutes, only now falling a little further down their fantasy world, back to reality, Akaashi and Bokuto stopped running in the middle of the street and turned to each other.
Akaashi Keiji never really liked eye contact, but he didn’t seem to have an issue with looking into Bokuto’s electric, golden, owlish eyes glimmering back at him with pure enthusiasm. Not that day…not the next…or the next…
“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?!” Bokuto grinned certainly.
Instead of answering in that polite, well-meaning way he always did, Akaashi surprised his friend by hugging him tightly. Thankfully, he wasn’t sobbing about candy this time around, using the rest of his energy to convey how much today meant to him, how much Koutarou meant to him.
“See you tomorrow, Bokuto-kun!” Akaashi yelled at the top of his lungs. “I love you! Happy Valentine’s Day!”
Bokuto cackled happily, squeezing Keiji back just as tightly and hollering into the winter night for Akaashi’s ears only, and for anyone else who wanted to listen.
“I love YOU, Akaashi!!! Happy Valentine’s Day!!!”