Chapter Text
Laszlo and Nadja were sitting and talking in the living room when Nandor walked in.
“Where’s Gizmo?” Nadja asked.
“I sent him to go get some more Tide to go pens. Also he needed food to eat or something.”
“I say, that chap is more trouble than he’s worth. Why do you keep him around?”
“He’s my familiar.”
“And? We don’t have a familiar,” Nadja said.
“Yeah because they kept dying and you gave up trying to have one!”
“Alright, Nandor, calm down,” Laszlo said. “You can keep your little pet.”
Nandor noticed a letter on the table. “What’s that?”
“Oh! I forgot about that,” said Nadja. “It’s addressed to all of us, we were waiting to read it until you were here.”
Nandor opened the letter and read it aloud. “To the household of the Staten Island vampires- that’s us.”
Nadja rolled her eyes.
Nandor continued, “As you know, once every 100 years we have our Centenary Cemetery Celebration, where vampires from all over the world gather to celebrate another 100 years of being among the living dead.
Please remember that only one vampire from each household is allowed to attend, as we don’t have a big enough space for every single vampire in the world to gather without raising suspicions from humans.
Date and location are being decided by the Vampiric Council and will be confirmed shortly.”
“Has 100 years really gone by already?!” Nadja exclaimed. “Oh! I need to start looking for something to wear!”
“Now hold on, darling, who says you’re going?”
“Obviously I’m going because you went last time instead of me.”
“No, no, you didn’t go last time because you went to Jay Gatsby’s party instead.”
“Yes, because he wouldn’t be alive in 100 years to throw another party but the Vampiric Council would, so I said you can go this time and I’ll go next time.”
“No, you said you would turn Gatsby into a vampire so that you could keep going to his parties!”
“Well I couldn’t turn him into a vampire after he died, could I?”
“Guys!” Nandor interrupted their bickering. “I didn’t go last time because I was in a household with a very mean and scary vampire at the time who would’ve killed me if I even asked to go. So I think that if you guys can’t decided between you two who should go, then I should just go.”
Nadja and Laszlo shouted protests.
Then Colin Robinson walked in.
“Hey guys, heard some yelling, what’s-“
“NOT NOW COLIN ROBINSON!” The three yelled in unison.
“Wow, okay, I can take a hint. But you know who couldn’t take a hint-“
“GET OUT!” Nadja yelled.
“Fine.” Colin Robinson left.
“Look,” Nadja said. “We’re not going to get anywhere by yelling at each other. We have to think about this logically. How are we going to decide who’s going to go?”
“Maybe… we don’t decide,” Nandor said. “Maybe we get someone else to decide for us! Guillermo can decide.”
“Oh, fuck no,” Laszlo said. “He’ll just pick you because you’re his master and he has to pick you. But wait. That gives me an idea. Gizmo can be involved in the decision-“
“Laszlo!”
“Let me finish, darling. What say we make a deal? The first person to make Gizmo do something will win the invitation to the celebration.”
“Get him to do what?” Nandor asked.
Laszlo thought for a moment. “Whoever can get Gizmo to fuck them first wins.”
“Ew! What’s wrong with you?” Nadja yelled.
“That seems very extreme,” Nandor agreed.
“Fine. What about… kiss one of us?”
“Ugh. Fine. It should be easy enough… assuming he’s into women,” Nadja said.
“I don’t know… why do we have to get Guillermo involved in this at all? We can come up with something else.”
“You were the one who involved him in the first place!”
“Yeah, but-“
“What’s the matter, old chap? Think you can’t get Gizmo to kiss you?”
“N-no, I mean… it would be easy, obviously, but-“
“Then we have a deal! Have fun not going to the celebration, losers! For I have more charm in my pinky than every other vampire put together! No offense, darling.” Laszlo got up from the couch and left the room.
Nadja looked at Nandor. “Should I be concerned that my husband wants to fuck your familiar?”