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It was so dark, it was so cold, it had been so long, so long...
The screaming wouldn’t stop. The blood dripping and the yells and the torments, repeating his failings over and over again, dying screams blaming him for their deaths, because he wasn’t strong enough, he wasn’t fast enough, he wasn’t good enough, he was a failure, and then…
“Fox’ika, you need to hold on for me.”
“P’nds?”
“Lek, Fox’ika. It's me.”
“Am... am I hallucinating? You're not here.”
“I am Fox’ika.”
He cracked his unswollen eye open, and sure enough, his big brother was crammed in here with him. It was weird, there wasn’t really enough space for two in here, and you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face, but he could see Ponds, he was almost glowing in the darkness.
“Missed you.”
“You have to hold on. I know it’s hard. But you can’t join me yet.”
“M’cold Ponds. And m’tired”
“I know little brother. You’re cold and you’re tired and you’re sore.”
“Why did you stop coming?
“You know why, vod’ika.”
He knew why? Did he...? Was it not just because he was unlovable, because he was broken, worthless? Wasn't that why people always left, why he was in here, for so long his stomach had gone numb and his body with it? He didn’t want to be here anymore.
“Can... can I come with you… please?”
“Fox, what? No, you need...”
“Please Ponds, m’so tired. It hurts so much but it's not hurting now, it doesn’t hurt anymore and you’re here. I don’t want to be alone anymore, please take me away from this. Please, let me come with you.”
Fox dropped his head from where he’d raised it to look at Ponds, his eyes falling closed again. His strength gone.
There were a few awful seconds before a familiar hand ghosted through his hair.
“Yes, vod’ika. You can come with me. Lie your head down. I’ve got you. Let your eyes close, vod’ika. I’ve got you. It’ll be over soon.”
It had been so long since Ponds had visited him, he’d missed it, missed his brother. He couldn’t remember why Ponds had stopped coming. Ponds had always come, even when the others had stopped. Ponds had come now, he always came.
“Why... why did you stop?”
“I died, Fox’ika. I died.”
“But you’re here now?”
“Lek, Fox’ika, I'm here now. I'm here, I've got you.”
His head was settled on a lap, no armour, fabric like when they were cadets. Pond’s hand was stroking through his hair, gentle, soft.
He'd missed it so much.
The icebox was always cold, always too much and always hurting. But Ponds was warm, Ponds was warm where his hand brushed through Fox’s hair, where his knees cushioned his head, and they grew warmer, more solid. The ghosting hand became touches, became nails softly scraping his scalp.
Nothing hurt anymore.
His head lolled.
“Sleep, Fox’ika. I’ve got you, I'll be here when you wake up.”
Fox knew it was true. Ponds always kept his promises.
Warm and safe, he slipped to sleep in his brother's solid hold.
.
Cody had never moved faster as he flew through the base, past vode, down the stairs, the medics and his other brothers barely keeping up, and he wrenched the door open.
Please don’t let it be too late please. Please please let him still be here. Let him be ok.
There were 8 doors on the walls, all sealed shut and he didn’t know which one had Fox and he didn’t know how to open it and it had been 68 hours and he needed to get to Fox he needed Fox to be ok he needed the Jedi to hurry up and take the damned doors off the damned walls.
Metal screeched and groaned and sparked as it was pulled from is fixtures and a wave of icy cold washed over him, and darkness washed through the room and Cody’s eyes locked onto his worst nightmare.
Fox’s lips were blue.
Cody dropped to his knees with a scream.
His eyes weren’t closed, but they weren’t open either. Just empty. His chest wasn’t rising. Wasn’t falling.
Fox wasn’t breathing.
His baby brother wasn’t breathing.
He hooked his hands under Fox’s armpits and dragged him out of that cell, so small and dark and cold and wrong. He dragged Fox free.
He was too light.
Too small.
Too cold.
Too blue.
Too stiff.
“Please, please Fox no please.”
He dropped his forehead down, pressed it against his baby brother’s and shudders ran through him.
Cody was too late.
He was a failure, a failure of a solider, a failure of a brother.
And Fox’ika was gone.