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"What the fuck?” Levi peers at the food he’s placed on Erwin’s desk, a simple plate of bread and cheese.
“Hmmm?” Erwin looks up from the expedition plan that’s consumed his every waking hour for the best part of the week. He’s been so engrossed in his work that he would barely have eaten had Levi not taken it on himself to bring his meals to his office. As it is, he looks worn and wearied, with dark shadows circling his eyes and a three day growth stubbling his cheeks. It pains Levi to see it.
“There’s fucking bugs in the bread.” Levi points to the suspicious grey body sticking out of the thick slice of bread. “The mess swore that bread was fresh this morning.”
“The flour must have spoiled,” Erwin replies, one eye still on the documents littering his desk. “I’ll ask the quartermaster to check the grain stores.”
Weevils in the grain were not an uncommon occurrence, particularly in the long hard months of winter, when the Survey Corps’ already meager supplies ran low. But now it is the height of summer; sunlight steams in through the tall windows that stand open behind the commander’s desk, the bright light only highlighting his exhaustion. Shouts and laughter drift up from the training ground on a warm breeze that wafts in through the open window.
“Fucking disgusting,” Levi grumbles, picking up the plate again. “I’ll take it away.”
“It’s fine, just leave it, I can eat the cheese.” Erwin insists, but when he looks more closely at the offending bread his eyes crease into an unexpected smile.
“Oh! That’s not a bug, that’s a sunflower seed! I can’t remember the last time we had sunflower seed bread. What a treat! Look.” Erwin picks the seed from the bread and hands it to Levi who peers at it suspiciously.
“It’s a what now?”
“A sunflower seed. Sunflowers are huge yellow flowers with clusters of edible seeds in the centre. They grow enormously tall. Taller than a man even.”
“You taking the piss?” Levi scowls. “Flowers that grow taller than a man? I’m not a fucking idiot you know.”
“It’s true!” Erwin protests. “I’ll prove it to you. There’s a farm between here and Hermina that grows sunflowers. I noticed them last time I came back from Mitras. They should be in bloom by now. I’ll take you to see them tomorrow if you like.”
“You’re actually going to take a break from paperwork?” Levi eyes him skeptically.
“Haven’t got much choice. I can’t finalise this proposal until I get costs from the armourer, who's waiting for figures from the foundry, and they’re waiting for a shipment from the ore supplier, which has been delayed by a miners strike, because the mining company hasn’t paid their wages. You get the picture. The fact is, I’m stuck for the time being. Besides, I think I could do with getting some fresh air.”
“You don’t say,” Levi mutters.
“You can eat that seed you know,” Erwin nods at the tiny grey seed that is still lying in the palm of Levi’s hand. “Go on, try it. They’re tasty.”
Levi huffs and rolls his eyes but he picks up the seed and places it in his mouth, frowning as he chews. Erwin is right, the seed is firm but tender and has a pleasantly nutty flavour.
“Not bad,” he concedes. “But I still don’t believe in the big ass flowers.”
The following day dawns clear and blue and when Levi makes his way down to the stables he finds Erwin waiting, freshly shaved and dressed informally without uniform jacket, bolo tie, or gear, carrying only his cape to keep off the dust of the road. At his feet sits a small saddle bag.
Levi raises one eyebrow at his commander’s state of undress. “Off duty?”
“I think the Corps can survive one day without me.”
“Fuck,” Levi shakes his head, “never thought I’d see the day.”
“I’ve left Mike in charge,” Erwin replies. “I’m sure he’ll cope.”
The sun is already warm on their backs as they ride out of the gate and join the road that runs West to Hermina. The land in this part of Rose is rich and fertile and they pass by prosperous farmsteads and endless fields of wheat, just beginning to ripen from green to gold under the summer sun. The rippling sea of wheat is broken up here and there by ancient orchards and dusky fields of blue flax.
In no great hurry, they amble down the road, pulling their horses to the verge to let the occasional farm cart or carriage rattle past. Erwin points out this or that landmark as they ride and Levi finds himself lulled into a pleasant daze by the rhythmic clop of the horses hooves and the rich warm tone of Erwin’s voice. He can almost see the weight lifting from Erwin’s shoulders as he rides ahead, his cloak billowing behind him in the light breeze.
“Look there it is!” Erwin says at last, pointing to a bright splash of yellow in the distance. As they draw nearer, the blaze of colour grows brighter and brighter and resolves into a broad field of enormous golden flowers. Their huge round heads are bigger than anything Levi has ever seen and the colour so brilliant that he has to shield his eyes as he gazes out along the long straight avenues of flowers that stretch across the field towards a huge spreading oak tree that stands alone in the middle of the field.
“Sunflowers!” Erwin announces triumphantly.
“Well I can see where they get their name,” Levi comments dryly as he dismounts. Every flower does indeed look like a glowing sun that has fallen from the sky and taken root in the earth.
“Bigger than a man you said?” Levi says as Erwin dismounts, unhitches the saddlebag, and joins him at the edge of the field. Enormous as the flowers are, bigger by far than anything Levi would have dreamed possible, they only reach to just above his waist. “Maybe if the man was sitting down…”
Erwin frowns at the field of flowers. “I swear they looked taller when I was a boy.” He looks so crestfallen that Levi can’t help laughing.
“Idiot,” he says and Erwin smiles.
They leave their horses to graze along the hedgerows and then Erwin takes Levi by the hand and leads him into the field. His hand is warm and calloused, big enough to envelop Levi’s own. He feels faintly ridiculous being led around like a child, but at the same time, as he runs his thumb over the scars that criss-cross Erwin’s knuckles, each one familiar as his own breath, he knows that in his hand is everything he holds dear. They walk through the field flanked on all sides by the flowers until they’re surrounded by a sea of gold, floating below a cloudless sky of brilliant blue.
Levi stops to examine one of the flowers, pulling a seed from its dark centre. It looks nothing like the seed Erwin had picked from the bread the day before. It’s almost black for a start, and striped with delicate white lines. He holds it up under Erwin’s nose.
“This looks different.”
“It’s still in its shell.” Erwin explains. “You can crack them open. Look.” He plucks a seed from the nearest flower, cracks it with his teeth, making Levi wince in the process, and prises the shell apart to reveal the little grey seed inside.
“See?” He holds the seed up to Levi’s mouth.
Levi takes the seed between his teeth, lips brushing against Erwin’s fingers.
“Good?” Erwin asks.
Levi nods and swallows, but he’s not thinking about the sunflower seed. Under the bright sun Erwin’s hair shines almost as brilliantly as the golden sunflowers, and his eyes reflect the peerless blue of the sky. The warm breeze lifts his hair, scattering it across his forehead and sending their capes billowing and fluttering around them. Levi can only stare, captivated by the dusting of freckles across the arched bridge of Erwin’s nose. How had he never noticed them before? And before he can help himself, he’s reaching up on his toes, one hand fisting in Erwin’s cape as he instinctively dips his head down to meet him. His lips are warm and soft and Levi can feel Erwin’s mouth curving into a smile as his hand slides around his waist and their breath mingles together. Erwin is still smiling when they break apart long moments later, a sight more rare and precious to Levi’s eyes than the radiant field of sunflowers.
They continue on through the rows of flowers until they reach the huge oak that stands in the centre of the field. They settle on the grass in the shade of its vast spreading branches and Erwin unpacks the saddlebag to reveal bread, cheese, two bottles of rich dark beer, and sweet early peaches. They eat in silence, content to listen to the hum of the bees in the sunflowers and the rippling song of the skylarks rising and falling through the shimmering air. Afterwards, Erwin lies back in the grass with his arms crossed behind his head, while Levi sits against the stout trunk of the oak, close enough that he can card his fingers through Erwin’s hair. It’s warm from the sun and smooth as silk.
“When I was a boy,” Erwin starts, “there was an old farmer who grew sunflowers near my grandparents’ village. He had a different name for the flowers, sonashnyk or sonyashnick, something like that. I asked him where it came from once, but all he would say was that it was their true name. I used to love going to visit in the summer. The flowers were so tall I couldn’t see over the top of them and I used to run up and down the rows pretending I was fighting monsters or exploring fantastical worlds beyond the walls. I never imagined that I’d be fighting monsters and leading expeditions beyond the walls for real one day.”
“Do you think we’ll ever be free?”
Levi’s not sure what prompts him to ask. Maybe it's that Erwin looks more carefree than he’s ever seen him, boyish almost, without uniform or badge of office, unencumbered by the burden of command and the weight of the dead, if only for a day.
“Yes.” Erwin replies without hesitation, tilting his head back to look up at Levi.
Levi’s hand stills in his hair. “You seem very sure.”
“I have to be.” Erwin says with conviction. “I have to believe that. If not us, then the next generation, or the one after that.”
It’s late in the day when they finally leave, and the sun is already starting to set, bathing the field in umber and bronze.
“Thank you,” Erwin says, as they walk back through the avenues of glowing flowers to retrieve their sleepy horses from where they have wandered along the edge of the field.
“What for?” Levi looks up at him curiously.
“For being here. For being you.” Erwin replies.
Levi huffs a short laugh and nudges Erwin with his shoulder. “Sun gone to your head old man?”
“Something like that.” Erwin smiles.
And as they ride away, Levi feels it, lodged deep in his heart, a tiny seed of gold and blue; love, hope, and the unshakable faith in a better world to come.