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Custard Cookie lll sat outside, by the door to the infirmary, hearing the sounds of pure pain his friends were in. Custard wasn’t able to make strong enough shields, but surely it wasn’t his fault, right? He failed them all.
Surely it was because he was a beginner healer, after all he was pretty impressive at healing for his age, right? Yet- He was too weak.
His friends had gotten mauled by cake monsters, but he did the best he could, right? If he wasn’t so pathetic.
He remembered the hoard catching up to them, nearly snapping Strawberry Cookie’s lollipop. How Chili Pepper cookie had nearly stopped breathing, after she got charged at by a cake monster, and couldn’t defend herself with her knife. Perhaps- They’d be better off with an actually good healer, not whatever excuse for a healer he was.
He wandered outside to sit by the fountain, enjoying the calming aura of the water, despite like any other cookie, not liking to get soggy. Custard wondered if he deserved to be dipped in the fountain, wondered if he should stick his hand in, if it would help the world. He decided he would just dip his finger in to start, to feel the pain his friends did. After quickly dipping his finger in the fountain, he started to feel the pain, the pain he deserved to feel.
He decided to do that with the rest of his fingers, hand by hand. He deserved it after all.
Maybe it was why his dad died, to be away from him.
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Pure Vanilla Cookie was having a normal evening, as normal as his evenings could be anyways. After finishing his meal, a hearty rye with some toffee jelly on top, he decided to walk to the fountain, wanting to just sit and relax for a while.
Pure Vanilla stood still outside in the kingdom, basking in the cool breeze, before he started walking to the fountain.The fountain might have been one of Pure Vanilla’s favorite spots in the kingdom, as it reminded him of one of his friends, maybe more than friend, who wasn’t in the right headspace. Well he knew it was more than that.
At the fountain Pure Vanilla sat down beside it, looking at the coins, star jellies, and other goods that the kids had thrown into it. He then saw a rather huge ripple on the water, wondering what it could be, as the wind wasn’t heavy anymore, and there wasn’t anything else nearby that could have caused it.
Across the fountain he then saw a familiar cookie, a cookie that was almost like a son to him, dip his hand in the water, on purpose.
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Tears were falling down Custard’s face, as the pain from dipping his very dough into the water was extreme. He deserved it though. His friends were hurt.
His hands were falling apart, and he felt like he wanted to rip his fingers off, after all he deserved it.
He decided he should take a break with his hands, and maybe start dipping his legs in. After all, if he was too bruised he would be taken to the infirmary and healed, and he wasn’t worthy of that, not like his friends. After all he’d just be a burden to the healers.
As Custard was about to start dipping his legs in he noticed a cookie, a very familiar cookie, sitting across the fountain, Pure Vanilla Cookie, a cookie rumored to be one of the best healers. Custard considered leaving, not to give himself a break, but to dip his legs into the ocean instead, after all if Pure Vanilla saw him, then he’d heal him. He didn’t want to burden Pure Vanilla. He burdened him with talks about his father, not letting him leave and exclaiming that he should comfort Custard instead of anything else he had to do.
Custard started to rise, facing in the direction of the ocean, and maybe or maybe not taking a piece of glass from a jelly jar with him. He started to walk, gritting his teeth through it, having dried up a bit, yet still having trouble moving his hands much. However as he was only just a few steps through his descent, he felt somebody’s hand on his shoulder, and turned around to see somebody’s worried, yet caring face, but Custard knew, Custard knew Pure Vanilla thought of him as a burden.
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Pure Vanilla had no idea what to do, he had just witnessed perhaps the most cheerful kid in the kingdom, hurt himself on purpose. He saw Custard lift himself off the fountain and start heading towards the ocean. Pure Vanilla quietly stepped behind him and put a hand on his shoulder, heart breaking at the state Custard’s hands were in.
There were so many questions Pure Vanilla wanted to ask, what happened, why did you do this to yourself, and numerous more. His heart broke when he heard Custard whisper to him, “Sorry for burdening you.” What did Custard mean? Who installed those thoughts in his head?
“You can go now, I’m sorry for ruining your evening. I’m sorry for being a disgrace to this kingdom.” Custard continued saying things in that matter, continuing his race of self-hatred.
“What do you mean? You’ve never been a burden.”
Custard stifled a small laugh at this, “I know I’m a bad healer, I know I deserve to hurt, please stop sugarcoating your words.” He muttered, in a way that would have been cute if he had said different things.
Pure Vanilla decided for right now, the important thing would be healing Custard’s hand, and reached his own hand out to grab it. However Custard retracted his hand, almost as if he didn’t want to be healed.
“I- I don’t deserve to be healed. Don’t waste your energy.” Custard said, words which if it were any other cookie, wouldn’t be heard.
“Nonsense. You are such a-”
“Horrible, untalented cookie, who made his own dad die, BECAUSE HE DIDN’T WANT TO BE WITH HIM?”
Pure Vanilla’s heart broke even further if that was possible.
“Listen.”
Custard slightly flinched.
“You are an amazing cookie with amazing talents. Your dad was a great person, who loved you very much. Everything you’re saying? Nonsense. You must be one of the most capable child healers I’ve ever seen.”
“Then- then why wasn’t I able to help Chili Pepper, or GingerBrave, or Strawberry?”
“Because you are a child. You have much to learn and shouldn’t expect yourself to be perfect at healing. Cake monsters can be extremely difficult, and can cause some wounds that sometimes, even I can’t heal.”
Custard sniffled. Tears still streamed down his face.
“But- I got away unscathed, IT ISN’T FAIR TO THEM! I should hurt, because they had to.”
“Are you sad about your friends getting hurt?”
“Of course.”
“If you had gotten hurt, and the rest of them hadn’t, would you be happy for them?”
“Y- Yeah. I don’t want them to get hurt.”
“Now think of it from their view.”
A few tears fell down Custard’s face.
“B- But.. Now- Now don’t you hate me?”
“I could never hate you.”
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Pure Vanilla and Custard spent the next few days spending time together, reflecting on what had happened on that day. Pure Vanilla had learned about the thoughts Custard had and assured him that he did not deserve any pain.
One day they sat by the Tree of Wishes, a much safer spot, and Pure Vanilla decided he should tell Custard something.
“After I went to the Academy, I had thoughts like that too sometimes.”
Custard looked up at him in amazement.
“You did?”
“No one is perfect Custard.”
Custard frowned.
“I thought you were perfect?”
“I'm a cookie too. Anyways, if I were perfect could I do this?”
Pure Vanilla started tickling Custard, who in turn started giggling.
Custard muttered something, embarrassed.
“What was that?”
“I- I love you- dad.”