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Immorality. Many wished to obtain it, but no one truly saw the flaws of its power. Living forever seemed like a dream, a happy paradise where death was never a fear. People shouldn’t fear death, for it was inevitable. A peaceful ending to their fulfilled life, but that ending would never come for some. Even if it did, they’d wake up and brush it all off their shoulders like it was dust.
Vox never wanted to live as long as he did. He wished he couldn’t. Standing on the road of hell, his punishment was to watch as the cars rapidly drive by, day turning into night, the crowd of people flurrying through the sidewalks. The rain that occasionally poured drowned out the noisy chatter, as loud as the heartbeat that thumped against his ears. How he hated the sounds. The sounds that reminded him of his family, the people he loved, and the friends he now mourned.
The view from where Vox sat granted him the beauty of the city below. A luxurious field of lights that illuminated the buildings clustered together, reminded him of the stars that danced in the night sky. The crowds of people down below him imitated that of ants. High above such people, Vox rightfully sat, next to the giant windows that covered much of the large dining area. The curtains were coloured a velvet red, which contrasted the beige walls. Sort of an old-fashioned style, which Vox appreciated, often dining there to admire the decor.
He tuned out the noise from the rest of the restaurant and focused on the jazzy music in the background. His mouth tasted dry, no matter how much he sipped on his beverage. He didn’t stop though, he loved the burn in his throat when it went down.
“What is this? A retirement home? ” A deep voice, a growl that shook the air. Vox could only smile, letting his head turn towards the young man with words so vulgar, he’d sometimes mistake his name for that word.
“Fulgur, pleased to see you as well.”
“Old man, still not dead?” The cyborg plopped himself down on the smooth velvet seat, metal parts of his limbs clinking together.
“Unfortunately not.” Vox huffed.
“So, what's your devil ass doing up here?”
If Vox could answer, he would, but the words refused to form. He simply loved the feeling of being so high above the ground, watching over the humans as he had always done. The idea of finally being so close to heaven gave him a feeling of euphoria. A demon such as him would never get to feel that absolute ecstasy.
“There isn’t a specific reason.”
Fulgur caressed the arms of the smooth velvet chair slowly, allowing the small fibres to flatten as he slid his hands up the threads. He wondered if the cyborg could feel anything at all under all those layers of machinery, the softness of the heavy treads against the hard metal.
“So, why are you here? There has to be a reason you’ve decided to personally find me.” Just another sip, just enough wine to sting.
“What? Can’t pay a visit to an old friend?” Both individuals knew that was a lie. Fulgur would never willingly seek out Vox unless he needed to. It was understandable why Vox was so suspicious of the other. Fulgur was no idiot, he could sense the stink eye a mile away. “Alright, fine. You got me.” He sighed, chuckling a few times under his breath.
“Tell me the truth, why are you here?”
“I’ll be honest with ya Voxxy, I came to say my goodbyes.”
“Excuse me?”
Fulgur looked almost comfortable, happy to have gotten that off his chest. “The higher-ups wanna send me on a defence mission. Didn’t give me shit to work with, but all I know is that I probably won’t be coming back.”
A splash of ice water fell onto the demon, making him shiver. His breath hitched but it was barely noticeable to the other. Fulgur’s job was no secret to Vox, he’d known for a while but never pushed the cyborg to share. He never had a problem with his work. As long as he was alive by the end of his missions, Vox wouldn’t complain. ”And you accepted it?”
“Was I supposed to refuse the mission?” He said sarcastically.
This idiot! “Of course, you should’ve refused.” He gripped the base of the glass tightly, only to loosen it a second later. Vox did not trust his strength and feared the fragile cup would crack within his grip. Downing the last few sips of the wine, he slammed the glass down. “It isn’t a game anymore. It’s life or death, Fulgur. Don’t be stupid, call off from the mission.” He hated yelling, hated the way his head ached whenever he raised his voice, something he hadn’t done in hundreds of years. He thought he would never have to do it again.
“You can’t stop me.”
Vox mentally flinched upon hearing those words. He shouldn’t have been surprised, considering how stubborn the cyborg was. He already felt delirious, mostly from the wine and aching in his head. “You’ll get seriously hurt.”
“So? It’s not the first time.”
“You might die.” His cloudy mind got worse.
“I took an oath, dying that way would be an honour.”
“For fuck’s sakes, why can’t you just listen to me for once?” The dam finally broke. He could barely control his breathing, let alone his mouth. “Why can’t you just stay alive, and stop going on these ridiculous jobs?” His hand clutched his forehead, staring down at the white pants he continued to wear for all those years, trying to keep whatever sanity he had left.
“Why do you care?” Vox swung his head back up, staring straight into the blank, cold eyes of the man in front of him. Scoffing, he turned his head away, hoping it wouldn’t agitate the pain anymore. Unfortunately for him, it did.
“I don’t.”
“You do.” Fulgur insisted. Unbeknownst to Vox, Fulgur had yet to pry his eyes away from him.
Struggling to keep himself from screaming, he smiled, “So tell me then, tell me why the fuck I would care about you?” He didn’t mean to say it that way. He never meant to say it at all.
“Because if I die you’ll be alone again.” The words numbed him, he felt as if he were back on that road again. That highway of hell he wandered. A tortuous path he continued because he had no choice. He never had a choice. “You’re scared to be alone, aren’t ya?“
Fuck. His grip tightened, knuckles turning white with the pressure. The grinding of his teeth felt uncomfortable, but Fulgur took it as a sign that he won.
“You’re scared to lose me like you did your friends.”
“Shut the fuck up. You have no right to talk about them.”
Fulgur frowned, breathing out a slight sigh. “You’re right, I don’t.” He could’ve riled the other up more, but he chose to let it go. While he wanted to continue teasing him, he could see the other spiralling, noticed the way his fingers uncurled to hold onto the chair’s arm. The way his breathing would waver just a tad, but he forced himself to take heavy breaths. The way he’d shake his leg rapidly was something that only started happening two months ago. All to ground himself, stop him from losing his head. Fulgur was no idiot, he noted all those habits down. He knew them so well that he could recite every single stupid habit Vox had with his eyes closed.
Fulgur didn’t hate Vox, there were times he’d get frustrated with him, but he never truly hated the demon. Even their fights were purely for show. In truth, deep down he pitied him. A man who trapped himself in a never-ending hell.
“Tell me about them.”
Vox crossed his legs. He rubbed his knuckles in the hopes of keeping his anger in check. “Why?” He spat.
Fulgur chuckled, “Cause you mention them all the time, but I don’t know shit about them.”
Vox had no reason to give the cyborg bastard anything, let alone the precious memories of his friends. “You’re a piece of shit, you know?” He laughed, wondering how long it’d been since he last genuinely did that.
Fulgur only gave him a fond smile.
Vox took a second to recall everyone, their little hobbies, the way they talked, the way they tended to turn everything sexual. He only needed a second to remember it. Though, he wished it didn’t have to take him any time at all. “I don’t know what to say. They were my best friends. The people I spent the majority of my time with. The guys who I needed to teach cooking to because some of them were awful at it.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“You want to say more, don’t you?”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I want you to say what’s on your mind.”
He supposed the fuzziness in his head finally got to him.
He didn’t want to remember. The stains on the walls. The body, limp in a pool of his blood. His sharp fox-like eyes blurred, from their piercing cyan to white. He wore the red T-shirt that he’d always steal from Vox’s closet. Vox couldn’t bring himself to throw away the shirt, no matter how many times he tried to wash out the smell of blood. He kept it at the bottom of his closet, alongside other items that reminded him of the fox-boy.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He stated.
The alarms at the front of the house, flashes of red, blue, and white through the windows. Luca screamed, “This is a mistake!” as they pulled him into the cop car. The look of terror on his face, pleading for his friends to help him. Yet they could do nothing but watch. Vox felt useless. That feeling only grew more when he’d stood face to face with two policemen who silently handed him a small bent piece of paper. The pit in his stomach was nauseating. With trembling hands, he unfolded the sheet. “Don’t blame yourselves”.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
The rapid heartbeats as he rushed to the hospital, prayed to a God that he knew could do nothing. The moment he stepped through the door and took in Elira’s face, he knew he’d been too late. He didn’t run fast enough, he didn’t help Ike soon enough. He let him overwork himself. He let Ike grieve alone and push himself to exhaustion. Not only were they too late to save Luca, but he’d also been too late to save Ike. He did nothing but watched as his friends, the people he called his family, died when he could’ve done something. Anything.
“Don’t close up on me Voxxy, you can trust me.” Fulgur was the last person he’d trust with any of his memories.
Vox was never sure if Shu died a peaceful death. He hadn’t taken the time to ask Shu about his feelings, he’d been in too much grief to do so. On the bed, Shu lay, Vox tightly clutching his hand. Fearing what was to come. The smile he gave Vox right before he closed his eyes, the warmth that soon became cold. Vox couldn't bring himself to call for the nurse, he knew it was too late to apologize. Yet, he wanted to bask in the presence of his friend for just a bit longer. He still remembered the way Shu would help Vox clean every week for years, the comforting hugs he’d give Vox whenever the emotions became too much. The way he remembered lashing out in anger at Shu, but the sorcerer stood calmly, allowing Vox to let out everything he held inside. The way Shu had been there for Vox, but Vox was never there for Shu.
“They died, that’s all you need to know.”
How long had he held those emotions in? He had no idea. He wanted to tell the world how he hated himself, hated how useless he was. How even with his demonic immortality, he could do nothing but watch from the sidelines. How he still felt the ghost stings of his sore throat. The nightmares of his friends’ demises replaying over and over in his head. The more he hated himself, the more he asked ‘what if?’. What if he’d been fast enough? What if he’d intervened? What if he had been there for them instead of sitting on his ass?
While Fulgur did feel sympathy for the other, he couldn’t stop the voices in the back of his head shouting ‘pathetic’ in his ears. “You cared about them, didn’t ya?”
Vox leaned his head back against the chair. The aching got worse. He supposed it was because of the sudden flashbacks or the stupid wine he’d drank. All he wanted to do was sleep, stumble back into his hotel room and pass out for the next several weeks. Alcohol never affected him this way before, he wondered why it did now. “I just miss them.” He confessed. “But that’s not going to bring them back.”
“You’re acting like you’re all alone in this world. What about that fox chick you used to talk about?” Fulgur waved to the waiter passing by, pointing at the empty wine cup. The server rushed to fill it up again. It was unusually kind of Fulgur.
Once the cup had been more than halfway filled, Vox leaned over to hold the cold glass in his hands. He swirled the liquid around as he stared. “You mean Nina?”
“Whatever the fuck her name was.”
He wanted the pain to stop, and hearing the blatant disrespect coming from the cyborg did not help. “Nina left for heaven after her group passed. I haven’t seen her in centuries.” The wine tasted sweeter than before.
Fulgur let out a slight chuckle, leaning back to make himself feel comfortable on the thick chair. “You’re kinda pitiful. All alone. Hell, I don’t even know why you can’t let go of the dead and just move on.” If Vox had the energy, he’d scream. He’d disregard any pain that might be caused by it, and scream as loud as he could at Fulgur’s face.
“You don’t get to say that. Not when you don’t have anyone you can call your family.”
“I have you, don’t I?”
“You’ve never even considered me a friend, don’t lie to me.”
“Fine, I won’t.” Fulgur didn’t need to hear anymore. He’d done what he came to do, and no longer needed to stay. He still didn’t get why Vox persisted in staying in his depressive state when he had the time to move on from it all. He could’ve accepted the death of his friends and gotten along with his life. “I’m leaving.” He said, pushing off the chair, letting out a small groan. The feeling came back to his legs.
“You’re going on that mission.” Vox didn’t care to move his head even slightly, but Fulgur could hear a slight hitch of his breath.
Fulgur didn’t respond, but Vox already knew the answer. The moment he took a step away from the table, a hand gripped his metallic wrist. It was a looser grip than Vox intended, but he had no strength in his hand.
“I can’t let you go.” Beads of sweat dripped from his forehead, his breathing shallow and heavy. He felt feverish all of a sudden, even though he was fine just a while ago.
“You can barely hold my arm. You think you can stop me?” The smug look on his face gave everything away. The wine tasted sweeter than before. The realization hit Vox far too late, especially when his limbs began to weaken to the point of losing control over them. He felt faint, staring at the victorious expression adorning Fulgur's face. “It’ll wear off soon, but I’ll be gone before you have the chance to catch up.” Vox should’ve been mad, should’ve hated Fulgur, but he saw the regret behind his eyes. He couldn’t hate him. “Move on, Voxxy.”
Off he went, leaving the man that stood alone for so long, alone again. To fend for himself in a hell that he created. The demon, who once cared so much for his voice, ruined it through the ghosts of his agonized screams. The man that held himself with such a calm demeanour was reduced to an angry alcoholic. The hatred he felt could only be directed at himself. Again, he was on the path that could allow him a glimpse of heaven’s gates but could not let him through even though he’d tried so many times.
“Fufu-chan?” A gentle voice knocked him back to the present.
“Yes, Uki?” He smiled. It’d been quite a chill day, with the snow piled high outside the shared house. He, alongside the rest of his roommates, spent their time huddled within the sanctuary of their home and covered in layers of blankets.
“Sorry to bother you while you’re reading, but I think Yugo messed up their computer setup again.”
Fulgur sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, as he could feel the spark of annoyance. “Yep, just give me one second, and I’ll come over to help.”
Uki had a bright smile, a smile that rivalled even the gods, and Fulgur was a witness to it. “Thank you, Fufu-chan!”
He couldn’t say no to them, the people he now lived with. The ones that he could call family. The word that was so foreign to him before was now something he used constantly. He understood why Vox couldn’t just let go. Couldn’t move on from them. Fulgur wouldn’t be able to either. He’d do anything for his group, even sacrifice his own life if needed. It would’ve sounded illogical before, but now it was different. He had people to care for, and he wasn’t willing to let them slip away. He refused to make the same mistake Vox did.