Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rain in the Human Realm didn’t boil. It was so ridiculous that Hunter was almost tempted to laugh. Belos’s assertion that rain in the Human Realm didn’t boil had seemed extraordinarily suspect to Hunter at the time, and yet, ironically, it was one of the few things he had said that was actually true. Hunter wondered how he would have felt if Belos had been beside him right now, with the cool, refreshing rain beating down upon their heads. Scared? Proud? Happy?

It didn’t matter. Belos never would have brought Hunter to the Human Realm with him even if he’d succeeded in his plans. Hunter was disposable to him, a substitute to whoever he’d lost – Caleb, the original owner of Flapjack, maybe? – and as much as he yearned to think otherwise, it was time to face the truth. Belos never loved him, and Hunter was a moron, a total moron for ever thinking otherwise. Heck, Belos had never even said he loved Hunter. He’d just assumed.

It was time for him to put away his stupid childhood. He had responsibilities. As the oldest of the crew stuck in the Human Realm, it was his responsibility to keep them safe, especially his little brother friend Gus. He would not let any harm come to them. He’d kill and die to protect them.

“It’s funny,” Gus said, sounding somewhat numb, as they approached the house that Luz said belonged to her mother. “All my life, I wanted to visit the Human Realm, and here I am, and now I’d give anything to be back home. Dad…I don’t know what’ll happen to him.”

“We’ve all got loved ones back home, Gus,” Amity said, her voice gentle, but brisk. She cast a guilty look at Hunter. Hunter wasn’t sure why. He had people who mattered to him trapped on the Isles too: Darius, Skara, Viney. “And we’re going to get back and save them.”

“But there’s no magic in the Human Realm,” Gus lamented. “There’s no way to go back!”

Hunter wrapped his arm around Gus’s shoulder. “One thing at a time. For now, we need to get shelter, and food, and sleep.”

“Since when have you wanted sleep?” Luz asked. Hunter couldn’t tell if she was joking or not.

Hunter treated the comment with the dignity it deserved, also known as none, and proceeded to ignore it. “We need to marshal our forces and strengthen ourselves, both physically and mentally. Luz, are you certain your mother will provide us with hospitality?”

“Sure!” Luz said, sounding completely positive. “Oh, Mom’s the best. You’re all gonna love her.” Hunter had no idea what having a real mother was like. Neither did the rest of them, he knew. Mrs. Blight hardly counted, Gus’s mother had fallen victim to a painbow when he was three, and Willow didn’t have a mother.

After quite a few moments of hesitation, Luz knocked on the door of her home. A middle aged (probably) human woman with a distinct resemblance to Luz answered the door and let out a gasp, then put her hand over her mouth. “Hey, mom,” Luz said, her voice cracking with emotion. “I’m back.”

Luz’s mother took a step backwards. “Oh, Dios mío, what happened to you? Come in, come in, quickly! You’re soaking wet, you must be freezing!” She ushered them into the house.

Luz’s mother seemed surprisingly kind, but so did Belos, Hunter reminded himself forcefully. He would never be trusting anyone unconditionally ever again. Everyone who he trusted would have to prove their worth before he let them in. His teammates had done that. Flapjack had done that. Luz’s mother hadn’t done that yet. However, in the time after she let them into the house, she was doing her best to try, bringing them warm clothes from Luz’s closet which they changed into, one by one, in the bathroom. The clothes didn’t fit Hunter very well, but at least they were dry.

“Ma’am, we formally request the hospitality of your lodgings until such time as we can return to the Demon Realm,” Hunter said with a slight bowing of his head when they’d all finished changing. “My name is Hunter. These are my friends Willow Park and Gus Porter, and my associate Amity Blight.”

Luz’s mother blinked a couple of times. Oh, crap, had Hunter been too informal? Damn it. Adjusting to the customs of the Human Realm was going to be tough. “Well, it’s…it’s lovely to meet you. I’m Camila Noceda, but you can call me Camila.” A very large part of Hunter rebelled against calling Camila by her first name even inside his head, but he was a guest in her home, and as such, she was the one who made the rules. He would follow them, so long as she provided shelter, nourishment and protection.

Before anyone could say anything, a basilisk of all creatures slithered into the living room, looking petrified. “Mom…what’s going on?”

“Mom?” Luz said, sounding as if she was trying to decide how to feel about the basilisk using the term. “So…you decided she’s your daughter, then?”

“I have decided I have two children,” Camila said firmly, “both of whom I love equally and unconditionally.” Unconditional love. What a strange concept. Was that a human thing or just another thing Belos had denied him? “Everyone, I don’t know if Luz has mentioned Vee yet, but she’s a refugee from the Belos regime, where she was experimented on. She now lives here, and if you seek to take her back, we’re going to have a problem.”

Hunter felt sick to his stomach. He had no clue Belos had been experimenting on basilisks. There had been a basilisk attack on Hexside, but Belos had told him that it was an attack masterminded by wild witches, and Hunter had never questioned it until now. Would he have done something if he had known? It made him hurt to realize that the answer was no, but it could not be denied, either.

“It looks like you’ve had a very traumatizing experience,” Camila said, trying desperately to keep her voice even. It was a very convincing performance too. Hunter would not have realized it if he hadn’t had massive experience in controlling his affect. “So I won’t pry for the moment, but I really do need to know eventually what’s going on.”

Hunter steeled himself. It would cost him to recount the events of the Day of Unity, but it was a price that only he would have to pay. The innocent people of the Isles had suffered enough at Hunter’s direct and indirect hands because he was too foolish to see through Belos’s lies. If he could relieve the pain of any of the inhabitants of the Demon Realm, no matter how small, no matter how much it hurt, he would do it. “The Boiling Isles is now under the control of an insane god called the Collector. We’re trapped here with no way to go back to our home. And we all have loved ones who are trapped there. They could be dead. And that could be the best case scenario. Their condition could be much, much worse than that.”

Camila looked stunned, horrified, and frightened. “I…oh, dear. I knew it was bad, but I didn’t know it was that bad.”

“On the bright side,” Hunter said, making his voice artificially chirpy, “Belos is dead! Yeah! Good riddance to bad rubbish, right?” He gave a laugh that sounded horribly fake to his ears. “No one’s gonna miss him, right?”

Camila narrowed her eyes. “Hunter…you seem to be rather conflicted about Belos’s death. I mean, it’s not my place to pry, but…maybe it’d help if you talked about it?”

“I…” He didn’t want to tell the whole truth. Vee would try to kill him, and then he wouldn’t be able to protect Gus anymore if he was dead. And him versus a basilisk…yeah, he was going to put money on the basilisk. “I thought he loved me. Turns out he only loved himself.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Gus murmured. “It’s gonna be okay, Hunter.”

Hunter cleared his throat and drew himself up. “Camila, if we could possibly return to my request for hospitality, that would be appreciated. If at all possible, I’d like an answer presently, so I can start brainstorming alternative lodgings if you refuse.”

Camila blinked. “Why, of course you can stay here. Did you really think I’d let a couple of teenagers out on the street?”

“I didn’t know if you would,” Hunter pointed out patiently. “That’s why I had to ask.”

Camila looked as if she was pitying him. Titan, Hunter was really starting to hate that look. He was getting it all the time. He got it, he really did. He was screwed up and deprived of a normal childhood. He understood that. People didn’t have to rub it in his face every two seconds! “Okay,” she said. “Is anyone in need of immediate medical attention?” Everyone shook their heads. “Then I’m going to brew you some hot chocolate.”

She went into the kitchen and there was a heavy silence that descended upon the room. “Do you think we’ll know if they die?” Willow whispered. Hunter was pretty sure the answer was no, but he didn’t want to burst the captain’s bubble like that.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” Amity assured everyone, no doubt lying through her teeth. “We’ve all done the impossible. We can do this. Heck, between Eda and my dad, they’ll have the Collector defeated by tomorrow, and then we can all go back home!” Hunter had been lied to by the best, and that wasn’t anywhere vaguely approaching the best. Yet everyone chose to believe it anyway.

“So, Vee, how have you been adjusting to the Human Realm?” Luz asked after yet another void of suffocating silence ensued.

Vee’s eyes lit up (metaphorically) as she rocked back and forth. “It’s going amazing! I mean, people here can be kind of nasty. You…you have a bit of a reputation, Luz. But it sure beats the Demon Realm, hands down. It’s nice to lead a peaceful life.” A huge smile formed on her face. “Oh my gosh, I forgot to tell you, I have a girlfriend now!”

Luz smacked her hand against Vee’s. “All right! Way to go, sis! I got one too! Did I tell you that? I can’t remember. And we’ve had our first kiss! I was all suave and cool, and totally didn’t say anything dumb, nope!” She chewed on her nails nervously. “Oh! I know what’ll take our mind off things! We could watch a movie!”

“What’s that?” Hunter asked. He sighed. “This is one of those things I should know, isn’t it?”

Luz shook her head. “No, no, it’s a human thing! You know what a play is, right?” Hunter nodded. “Well, it’s like a play, except it’s been recorded and we watch it on a screen.” She grabbed a rectangular device with buttons with it and a picture appeared on the box on the other side of the room. Hunter leaned back on his armchair, content to just turn off his brain for a few moments.

The movie was ridiculously confusing, what with all the human terms, some of which Hunter suspected were made up for the movie. But it was really nice to put all his worries away for once as he watched the Avengers fight the evil Loki and his alien army. Hunter’s favorite character was definitely Black Widow. What could he say, he liked women who could beat people up without breaking a sweat. (For some reason, he looked over at Willow when he thought this.) His least favorite character was definitely the Hulk, hands down – his condition of regularly turning into a monster when he was angry reminded him of Belos.

Camila brought them all hot chocolate which was both very warm and very sweet, and made him feel soft and warm and sleepy. But he would not fall asleep. He had to watch over Gus. That was his mission now.

He failed his mission, falling asleep not too long after the final battle in New York started. But as he drifted off to sleep, he realized that it didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would.

*****

The light of the dawn surged through the windows and Amity rubbed her eyes to get the sleep out of them. She’d had one hell of a weird dream. She’d dreamed she was trapped in the Human Realm with the Isles under the control of a crazed god. And then she looked around her and she realized it was no dream. Her father and siblings were out there, maybe dead, maybe worse, and she had no way to get back to them.

It was ironic. If you’d told her not all that long ago that she was going to be trapped in the Human Realm with her girlfriend, she could have thought of far worse fates. Now she couldn’t think of a single one. Amity didn’t know what to do. There was no magic in the Human Realm, and she was going to have to face the strong possibility that she’d never see her family again as long as she lived.

Amity was lying in the bottom bunk of a bed in what had to have been Luz’s bedroom. Oh, Titan! She was sleeping in her girlfriend’s bedroom! Where Luz slept! No, calm. Calm. Everything’s going to be fine. She calmly stepped out of bed and stretched to wake herself up further. She looked in the top bunk, expecting to see Luz, but Vee was there instead, still sleeping. Amity realized in that instant that Luz must have given up her bed so Amity could have a good night’s sleep. Wasn’t she just the most awesome girlfriend in the history of existence?

Amity walked downstairs. She appeared to be the first one up. Hunter was sleeping on the couch, Gus in his arms, held protectively as if unwilling to let go. Willow was sleeping on an armchair, and Luz slept on the carpet with a pillow and a blanket. She was snoring with an almost violent intensity and drool was pooled in the corner of her mouth. She looked absolutely perfect.

“Oh, good, you’re awake,” a voice said from behind her and Amity cried out in fright. It was a testament to how exhausting the previous day’s events had been that none of the sleepers so much as stirred for a single second. Amity looked into the amused face of Mrs. Noceda. No, Camila. She wanted them to call her Camila. “I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind accompanying me on an errand, Amity. I wanted to do some shopping – if I’m going to be taking care of six children, I’m going to need a hell of a lot more food.”

Amity nodded slowly. “Shouldn’t we wait until the others wake up? They’ll worry if they wake up and we’re gone.”

“Oh, I’ll leave a note,” Camila said with an airy wave of her hand. “Besides, by the looks of them, it’ll be quite some time before they wake up. I want them to get as much sleep as they can. We won’t be gone very long.”

“Okay,” Amity said. In truth, she was nervous about making her first foray into a human town without her girlfriend by her side, but Luz trusted Camila, so Amity was ready to extend her trust to her in turn.

Camila gave Amity a hat that covered her ears, then led Amity outside to the mechanical device she’d seen in front of the house earlier that day. Amity remembered seeing a lot of these devices moving through streets in the movie she’d watched the previous night. It was some sort of conveyance, she knew that much. Yet she still let out a yelp when Camila turned the key in the lock next to the wheel and it made a loud noise. “Oh, sorry! I should have warned you!”

“It’s okay,” Amity said with a nervous laugh. “I guess stuff in the Demon Realm would be just as scary to you, right?” Camila’s face went tight. Yeah, probably the wrong thing to say.

“I suppose so,” she said curtly, and then she relaxed. “This is a car. Humans can travel long distances with these, much faster than walking. They can be very dangerous too when not used properly, so I don’t ever want to see you using one of these, am I understood?” Amity nodded. “Excellent.”

Camila moved the car away from the street and started driving through the neighborhood. “So when the portal opened, the videos that Luz made went through. I watched them all last night.”

Amity groaned. She wanted Luz to have the chance to tell Camila about her on her own terms. Well, technically speaking, she did by making those videos, but still, Amity was hoping Luz would have the chance to do it in person. And then a horrifying thought occurred to her. Gus had mentioned once that a lot of humans hated it when two people in the same gender were in a relationship with one another. Before, she’d dismissed it as just more of his preposterous notions, because it was silly. Even Mother didn’t have a problem with witches who were in a relationship with someone of the same gender. But what if it was true?

“So…you don’t mind?” she said with a nervous laugh.

Camila gave her a calming smile. “Of course not! In fact, I’m extremely happy. Luz had always been so lonely at school. So to find that not only she has friends, but also a girlfriend, well…it’s a dream come true for me. Especially since it’s clear you adore her.”

“So you’re completely okay with it?” Amity pressed her. “Even though she’s a human and I’m a witch? And…she’s a girl and I’m a girl?”

“Oh!” Camila said, as the light dawned. “Yes, yes, of course, Amity. I’m not a homophobe, I assure you. Many humans are, of course – not nearly as many as there used to be, but sadly still quite a lot. But this is a very friendly area to the LGBT community. You don’t need to worry about hiding your relationship here.” Amity made a mental note to ask Luz what the LGBT community was. Since she was apparently part of it, she’d probably know more than Camila.

Camila’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “Has…she told you about our last conversation?” Amity nodded. “I’ve regretted what I said to her every single instant since that day…and certainly since I watched her videos. I was…Amity, you have to understand that I was under a great deal of stress. My whole worldview was collapsing around me, and I was losing her…”

Amity gave Camila a gentle smile. “It’s okay, Mrs. Noceda, er, Camila. I understand. Luz is just lucky she has a mother who cares about her. My mother…well, the less said about her the better. My dad was pretty bad for a while, but he’s getting better, and so are my siblings. I miss them. I hope they’ll be okay.”

“I’m sure they will be,” Camila said, but she was only saying it to be polite, Amity could tell. “I don’t want to lose my daughter. But keeping her here, keeping her from you…well, there’s more than one way to lose someone. I’d have her here and she’d be safe, but I’d still lose her. Still…the thought of sending Luz back to the Demon Realm…with all that danger…it haunts me. How can I call myself a responsible mother by sending her to a place so dangerous?”

“Well, most of the danger came from Belos’s forces,” Amity pointed out. “And he’s dead. Once the Collector is defeated, the Isles should be safer than they’ve ever been. I mean, there’s still wild animals, and wild plants, and the Boiling Rain. And the occasional gorenado…” She really had to stop talking. Why wasn’t she stopping talking? “But I bet the Human Realm has its dangers too.”

Despite Amity’s fears to the contrary, Camila did look quite reassured by her monologue. “You’re quite right there, Amity,” she said, a dark note in her voice. “My fellow humans foremost among them. Speaking of which, I have some rules you need to follow and never, ever break. Humans cannot learn what you are. You must pretend like you are a normal human whenever you are in public. That means you do not use magic under any circumstances. If you do not agree to follow these rules, I cannot let you leave my house.”

Amity nodded hurriedly. It wasn’t as if she had any desire to make abominations right now. They would remind her too much of Dad. “People here are really that dangerous?”

It was a long time before Camila spoke again, and when she did, Amity could tell she was choosing her words carefully. “Humans have long feared what they do not understand. When humans are afraid, they are capable of great cruelties.” Like Belos, Amity realized. “I don’t know the consequences of them discovering who you are, but I cannot imagine they will be terribly positive.”

Amity started chewing her nails, a nervous habit that she’d never quite gotten out of the habit of doing, no matter how many times Mother tried to get her to stop. “But I don’t want you to panic, sweetie,” Camila said in a much gentler tone. “Humans are also very good at rationalizing, so as long as you don’t actually use magic, you should be okay, even if you say or do something strange.”

The two of them chattered about much more mundane things for the rest of the car ride. Amity told her about all the cool things she could do with abominations, which seemed to impress her girlfriend’s mother. Camila told her about her career as a veterinarian, which seemed to be a combination healer and beast keeper. Amity couldn’t help think of Viney, Emira’s not so secret crush (and, from Willow’s gossip, vice versa), and how both of them may never get a chance to tell each other their feelings.

Before long, they were at the store. A supermarket, she recalled Camila calling it. And it lived up to its name, that was for sure. Amity had never seen so much food in one place before. Humans lived so much more luxuriously than people in the Demon Realm. Amity couldn’t help but be jealous. She assisted Camila with finding the various items on her list, none of which Amity recognized in the slightest. A lot of them looked extremely tasty, though. Camila paid for them using a small rectangular object she called a credit card, though many others were using green paper and objects that looked like snails, but smaller and a silver color.

“I think I should warn you in advance that there’s a good chance I won’t be able to eat some human foods,” Amity said as they brought the last of the bags of groceries to the car. “Luz wasn’t able to eat some of the food in the Demon Realm.”

Camila nodded. “Thank you for telling me. I guess we’ll just have to use trial and error.” She gave a very fond smile at Amity. “And, Amity, thank you for being there for my lucecita when I couldn’t. I’m extremely pleased she has someone like you in her life.” She took a deep breath. “Did she…miss me? Do you know?”

Amity nodded fervently. It was true. Luz had told story after story of her wonderful mami and it was clearly tearing her apart to be separated from her for so long.  “She wouldn’t have ever tried to come back here if it wasn’t for you,” she said. “I know it for a fact.”

Camila’s expression was complicated, and Amity really couldn’t read it very well. She thought she detected both sadness and relief, though. “Okay. Thank you. Well, let’s get home before everyone wakes up, okay?”

*****

It was still jarring to wake up in the Human Realm. It had been many months since Luz had been living there, and so much had happened in that time that it felt like decades. There was a surreal feeling to being back in her house. It didn’t feel quite right, because, of course, the Owl House felt more like her home now. That was not a truth she liked facing, but it was one she had faced.

A part of her wished she’d gone with her spiteful desire to kick Vee out of her bedroom and take the top bunk, but she knew she’d done the right thing. Luz was still struggling with the idea that Vee had replaced her, despite Mami’s strong assertions to the contrary, but Luz was simply incapable of not being generous to those in need, replacer or not. It was hardwired into the core of who she was, the desire to help others. She was starting to realize that it was, occasionally, overwhelming her desire to help herself. She had to work on that, she knew, but now was not the time.

Mami had made pancakes for breakfast, or flapjacks as she called them, leading to Hunter nearly having a panic attack at the thought of his palisman Flapjack being cooked, but thankfully, Luz was able to show him that Flapjack was alive and well. Luz had stuffed her friends’ palismen and her own into her backpack at the last minute. It was a relief to everyone to have their palismen close at hand. Even Luz had hers, though it still hadn’t hatched, and Luz wasn’t sure if it could with no magic on Earth. She would just have to wait and see.

After breakfast, Mami asked for Luz’s help clearing up the attic to provide permanent, if cramped, sleeping quarters for their new guests. But Luz could tell it was really just an excuse to get the two of them alone. Luz didn’t object. It was time she faced the music.

“Luz, I’m sorry,” Mami said immediately as soon as the two of them were alone. “I am so sorry about everything. I never meant to…to push you away, like I said. And yet…by making you make that promise…I did that anyway, didn’t I?”

Luz’s eyes lit up. “So you’re not going to have me keep it?”

“I don’t think so,” Mami admitted. “In any case, with the situation so in flux, it’s really not possible to plan that far in advance.” She sighed. “Luz, you do have to live here and get a human education, even if you get back the portal. Whatever you’re learning in your magic school, it won’t do you any good here, and I need you to be prepared just in case you get trapped here again.”

She put up a finger. “But! It’s clear you’re very attached to your friends and family there. So, assuming the situation gets resolved in such a way that the Isles are relatively safe, I will permit you to stay over there on weekends, so long as you make sure all your homework gets done and you call me twice a day. And if you get hurt, I need to know right away.”

Wow! Even in her wildest dreams, Luz didn’t think she’d get Mami to agree to an arrangement that was that good. She thought, at best, she’d be able to go back on holidays and breaks, not every single week! “Okay, mami! I agree!”

“I was expecting more of an argument,” Mami admitted. “But then again…I think neither of us have had a really good idea of what to expect from one another recently, have we? Oh, Luz. When did it all go wrong?”

“When Dad died,” Luz said and let out a loud gasp. She had not meant to say those words at all. She must have been way more tired and upset than she thought. “I…no, Mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

Mami shook her head. “You did. And as blunt as it was, you are not wrong. I could never relate to you the way he could. You were always more his daughter than you were mine. I don’t like saying that, but it’s the truth.” She sat down on the floor, abandoning all pretense that they were there to clean up, and Luz sat next to her. “Luz, I never meant to hurt you when I sent you to the camp.”

Yet she had. It had hurt immensely. It had felt like her own mother, the one and only person Luz had in her life, had given up on her. That she was saying she’d reached her limit. It had made Luz worry that Mami’s unconditional love was more conditional than it had appeared. They were silly worries, like many of the ones she’d had, but she’d nonetheless had them.

“All I wanted was for you to make friends,” Mami went on. “That was it. Not for you to give up your imagination, not for you to become another cog in the machinery that is society. Just for you to make friends. I figured people like you would be there…people who you might share common interests with. Vee did.”

Luz felt an almost physical pain at the thought of the basilisk who had impersonated her. “Did…did you even suspect it wasn’t me? At all? Even the slightest suspicion, even if you just wrote it off in two seconds? ANYTHING?!”

Mami was silent for a few moments. It looked like she was trying to figure out how to spare Luz’s feelings, an expression Luz knew intimately well from having on her own face time and time again. But in the end, she gave a plain and simple, “No.” Luz hadn’t suspected otherwise. “Luz, if Vee had malevolent intentions, I’m sure I would have seen through it. But at the end of the day, for all the differences between you, you had one thing in common: You both love me. And that blinded me to everything else.”

Mami reached out and squeezed Luz’s hand. “Luz, I swear to you, I vow to you, I pledge it on your father’s grave: I have not replaced you. I love you and I love Vee. It is possible for a mother to have love in her heart for two daughters.”

Luz nodded slowly. “Did…you see my videos?” Mami nodded. That was a relief, in a way, and a disappointment in another. Luz had really been hoping she’d be able to tell Mami about Amity in person. But on the other hand, relaying the information she’d mentioned in the videos would be very emotionally taxing right now. “Do you think it’s possible for a daughter to have love in her heart for two mothers?”

Luz prayed silently under her breath after she asked the question, but her worries were for naught, because Mami just gave her a fond smile. “Oh, Luz. I know Eda is important to you. Of course you can think of her as your mother too. I would never take that away from you.”

“You’re an amazing mom,” Luz said, as she gave her mother the first hug they’d shared in months. It was a fresh start for the both of them, and she wasn’t going to squander it.

Mami clapped her hands. “All right! Let’s get started!” They started clearing boxes away, a lot of which hadn’t been moved likely since Papi’s funeral, they were that old and dusty. “Oh, look at this,” Mami said with a grin that Luz didn’t like one iota. She opened the box and found photo albums inside. “Here’s all your old baby pictures. Oh, I bet your novia would get a real kick out of seeing these!”

“You can’t!” Luz said, horror filling her voice.

“I can and I will,” Mami said with vicious satisfaction. “Oh, Luz, you didn’t think you could just get away scot free with running away and lying about your whereabouts for months. Oh, no, mija. There is much teasing in your future. I have many embarrassing stories about you, and Amity is going to learn them all.”

“I’m already starting to regret coming back,” Luz joked. But both of them knew otherwise. Luz may have missed the Demon Realm and her family there with all her heart, but right now, there was nowhere she’d rather be.  

Chapter Text

Camila had always considered herself to be an extremely pragmatic woman. She didn’t have time for wild flights of fancy like her daughter did. Imagination was a luxury she could not afford. She was rational and logical and thought inside the box. It had been that way her whole life. It had to be, because she had so much resting on her shoulders. Ever since her husband Antonio had died of cancer, Camila had to support her daughter as a single working mother, and it was a struggle. She had to balance her work and motherhood and it was not an easy thing to do. She tried to make time for Luz, to understand her, but she failed time and time again.

Antonio was not like her. Antonio had imagination in spades. He was an illustrator and graphic artist, specializing in drawing fantastical creatures and worlds. He illustrated the first Good Witch Azura novel and had introduced Luz to the series in the first place.  He was wild and impulsive and seemed willing to believe in absolutely anything. Camila knew that he’d be extraordinarily happy to have these otherworldly children living under his roof.

Luz had followed in Antonio’s footsteps, and it hurt Camila to see those echoes of Luz’s father in her. Camila had speculated, though could not be certain, that subconsciously, one of the reasons why she had cracked down so harshly on Luz’s obsession with fantasy was because she was jealous that Luz still had an effortless connection to her father, even so long after his death. Luz was, in some ways, the mirror image of her father: exuberant, flighty, and heedless of any and all consequences.

Well, now Antonio seemed to have the last laugh from beyond the grave, because the circumstances that Camila was finding herself in was anything but rational and normal. She had adopted a daughter of an entirely different species, and now was hosting four other teenagers of yet another different species under her roof. And yet, despite the bizarre nature of her circumstances, there were still practical considerations to take into account.

None of her otherworldly visitors had any identification or records in the system. They couldn’t be enrolled in school without very awkward questions being raised. And the neighbors may already have started questioning why there were suddenly four new teenagers around the neighborhood, and why they weren’t in school. Not to mention there was the open question of what would be done about Vee, now that Luz was ready to take back her identity. The whole thing was very vexing.

And, of course, there were financial considerations to take into account. Camila struggled to have enough money to raise Luz alone – having six children to take care of would bankrupt her very quickly. Yet there was no other choice. The children could not go into the system. So she somehow had to get her hands on a lot of money very quickly. But that was easier said than done. And it wasn’t as if the kids could help there – she’d asked Amity, jokingly, if she could use her magic to see what next week’s lottery numbers and the girl had reeled as if Camila had slapped her. Clearly, she’d broken some sort of taboo. She’d ask Luz later if she knew what it was.

It was going to be a rough…who knows how long. Months? Years? But it would be worth it. These kids needed her. It was obvious that they were desperately in need of affection and love and care, especially Amity and Hunter. The latter’s mental state was extremely concerning to Camila. The kids were very cagy about Hunter’s issues – as it should be, as it was his right to keep his secrets as he chose – but from the various hints Camila could gather, he seemed to have been some sort of a child soldier who served as the right hand of Belos, before realizing that he was evil and turning against him. And he still acted like that. He was keeping himself together with admirable skill, but only because he saw himself as having a mission to protect Gus. And it wouldn’t be enough, Camila knew. Eventually, he’d break, and it would be ugly.

That’s why Camila decided it was best that she help break him out of his shell. So she took him to the library. He looked astonished by it all. Gravesfield’s library wasn’t all that impressive by human standards, but clearly, by the standards of the Demon Realm, it must have been incredible. Or maybe it was just that way to Hunter. Camila was starting to realize that Hunter’s personal experiences were not representational of the average witch’s experience. So was Hunter, and it bothered him immensely.

“And humans can just…buy any book here?” he asked, trying his best to keep his jaw dropping open from astonishment.

“Oh, no, Hunter, that’s not how a library works. We borrow the books and then return them. And it’s free! There’s a limit on books you can check out and you have to return them by a certain date or you have to pay a fine. So we’re going to get you a library card, and you’ll be able to check out up to fifty books if you want!” She walked over to the information desk and then stopped. “Hunter, do you have a last name?”

“No,” he said, looking ashamed of himself for that. “Can I use yours?”

Camila felt a surge of pride that Hunter was willing to take on her last name, but unfortunately, it would have raised too many awkward questions. “I’m afraid not, though I appreciate the thought.”

“Okay, then I’ll use, uh, Gus’s last name,” Hunter suggested. “Porter. You don’t think he’d mind? Maybe it’s too presumptuous of me.”

Camila gave him a gentle smile. She yearned to give him physical affection, but that was almost certainly a bad idea until they were on much better terms. Hunter could be so jumpy. When she was washing the clothes he’d worn when he went through the portal, she asked him what the strange gunk on the shoulder of his shirt was, and he had let out a high pitched scream, ran into the nearest bathroom, and locked the door behind him. Luz had managed to coax him out eventually. Camila had ended up burning the shirt. If it had upset Hunter that much, it was worth it. “Cariño, I think he’d be most honored.”

So Camila had taken Hunter to the information desk and introduced him as her daughter’s friend Hunter Porter. Hunter’s smile had been so wide and brilliant when he’d heard those words said aloud. The librarian hadn’t asked a single awkward question and soon enough, Hunter had a library card.

“There’s so many books,” Hunter lamented. “How will I know what to read?”

“Well, what did you enjoy reading in the Demon Realm? Did you have books there?”

Hunter rolled his eyes. “Of course we had books. We’re not barbarians. Uh, I liked reading about the Savage Ages. The days when wild magic ran rampant and there was chaos and disorder in every corner of the land.” He sighed. “At least, I did before I realized that all of history was a lie.”

Camila decided not to get into that. “Well, if you enjoy reading about history, I’m sure we can find you some books about the history of the Human Realm you might enjoy. There’s quite a bit of it. Obviously, you don’t know what you’re looking for, so I’ll –”

“Actually, I think I might,” Hunter said. “Luz says Belos was from the 1600s and I know he hadn’t been back to Earth since then. So maybe some books about the time after then? It would be nice to know things Belos didn’t.”

Well, that didn’t narrow it down excessively, but it helped. So Camila led him to the nonfiction section of the library and just let him peruse the books to see if anything caught his eye while she sat in a nearby armchair. A few minutes, Hunter walked over to her with a book about the Revolutionary War in his hands. “Mrs. Noceda…I mean, Camila, what is this Revolutionary War?”

“Well, the country you’re living in right now is called the United States of America. It used to be ruled by a country called Britain, but we decided we didn’t want to be ruled by them anymore, so we fought a war to free ourselves.” Camila knew it was much, much more complex than that, but she wasn’t exactly a historian and she didn’t want to overwhelm Hunter.

Hunter looked like he’d just heard a hilarious joke. “Belos was British, according to Luz. So what you’re saying is, if he’d have returned home, he’d found that the whole country had rebelled against his people?!”

“Yep!” Camila said with a grin. “It probably would have sucked for him. They would have written him off as a lunatic.”

“That’s awesome.”

Hunter ended up borrowing at least two dozen books on the Revolutionary War. Camila insisted he also check out some fiction books. She steered him towards science fiction and realistic fiction, since Vee liked those genres and she surmised he didn’t want to be reminded of his home with fantasy novels. All in all, the whole trip had been a rousing success. She hadn’t seen him this excited since he arrived.

When they got home, Hunter grabbed a book and hurried into the attic. The quarters were cramped there, but Camila had done her level best to make them homely. She’d cleaned up the space extensively and made sure that not only each of her guests had a sleeping bag, but also stuffed animals from Luz’s vast collection and space to keep their palismen. Camila was glad Hunter was doing something as normal as reading. It would help him.

With that settled, it was time to begin Luz’s punishment. Vee was showing Willow and Gus around town, leaving just Luz and Amity around. So Camila made some snacks, set them down on the coffee table, and grabbed a photo album with pictures from Luz’s truly terrible twos. Camila was not a vindictive woman but damn it, she’d spent the last several weeks on the verge of a nervous breakdown, stopped only by the need to be there to support Vee, and it was time Luz suffered a little for the pain she’d put Camila through.

“Luz, Amity, come downstairs!” Camila called out. Shortly thereafter, Luz and Amity appeared. Amity’s familiar was at her feet, rubbing against her. She looked so cute. The familiar – Ghost, Camila was pretty sure its name was – hopped onto the couch. Camila couldn’t help but scratch its ears. A second later, she realized that was a mistake at the somewhat queasy expression on Amity’s face.

“Mom, uh, you don’t touch a witch’s palisman without their permission,” Luz said gently.

“The palisman’s or the witch?” Camila asked.

“Both, ideally,” Amity said, looking much more composed than before. “Since you’re Luz’s mom and she trusts you, I’ll give you permission. But don’t be offended if the others don’t let you. It’s a big deal.”

Camila nodded. “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.” She clapped her hands. “So it’s time for you to see Luz’s baby pictures!”

“Mom, do you have to?” Luz whined.

“I don’t want to see them if it makes Luz uncomfortable,” Amity said immediately. Camila couldn’t help but grin at the compassion and loyalty Amity had towards her girlfriend. Luz had clearly hit the jackpot.

“This is a time honored tradition in the Human Realm, sweetie,” Camila said, her tone making it clear that resistance was futile. “Parents always embarrass their children with showing their baby pictures to significant others. It’s part and parcel of being a teenager. And Luz was such a cute toddler! You can’t tell me you’re not a little curious.”

Amity looked over at Luz. “It’s up to you. If you really, really don’t want me to see them, I’ll respect that. But your mom is being so nice to us. I’d like to do something nice for her.”

Luz sulked and pouted in true teenage fashion. “I’ll survive,” she said in a more dramatic tone than was strictly necessary. Camila immediately opened the photo album and started showing pictures of Luz. They were all extremely embarrassing, and Amity was positively delighted by them all. Camila, for her part, reveled a little in the fact that Luz squirmed and twisted in her seat as if she wanted to head for the hills. Yes, it was very spiteful of her, but in her opinion, she had a right for some spite after what Luz put her through. What if Vee hadn’t impersonated Luz? She shuddered to think of what could have happened.

“So that’s your dad, Luz?” Amity said, pointing to one of the few pictures that featured Antonio. He was usually the photographer, as he didn’t think of himself as being photogenic, but on the day of their anniversary, when Luz was three, Camila had convinced him to let her take some pictures of him and Luz.

Luz nodded curtly. “Antonio was a great man,” Camila said, pain and pride echoing through her voice. “He had a very open mind. This situation would have made him the happiest man in creation – he always believed there was more out there than we could see. And he would have loved you, Amity. I know it for a fact.”

“If you don’t mind asking…uh, how did he die?”

“It was cancer,” Camila said, her voice soft. “A disease that attacked his body, caused it to break down on him. Losing him was not fair. It hurt us both. But he believed that after he died, he would still be looking after us, and I choose to believe that too.”

A somber silence formed in the room and didn’t break for some time. “So, Luz, I was wondering if you had any ideas about how to explain the kids, you know, documentation wise?”

Luz closed her eyes. She was clearly trying to remember something. A second later, she opened them up and snapped her fingers. “I know! Eda mentioned to me she used to be married to a human named Stan Pines. I mean, I know it’s a bit of a long shot, and I don’t have any more details, but I’m guessing if Eda married him, then, you know, he might have contacts on the other side of the law, if you know what I mean.”

“It’s worth a shot,” Camila said, and kissed Luz on the forehead. “Are you all right, mija? I didn’t go too far with the pictures, did I?”

“No, it’s okay, mom,” Luz assured her. “I deserved it, after all.”

Camila had thought she would have a lot of trouble finding the right Stan Pines, but it turned out to be shockingly easy. There was a Stan Pines who ran a place called the Mystery Shack in Gravity Falls, Oregon. From its website, she could tell that it was an obvious con job, filled with stuffed creatures that didn’t even look anywhere near convincing. In other words, exactly the sort of person Eda would have married. She called him and though he didn’t recognize the name Eda, he recognized the description. He was very reluctant to help her, but he’d eventually relented when she told him that kids were relying on her.

Pines put her in contact with a man named Mr. Jones in Hartford. Apparently, she was supposed to tell Mr. Jones that Pines was calling in the favor for the Spokane job. Hartford wasn’t too far away by car, thankfully. It was a risk she was taking, but if she wanted to prevent the government from becoming involved in her situation, it was a risk that needed to be taken.

“Luz, sweetie, I have to run an errand in Hartford,” Camila said after returning to the living room. “It’s best if you don’t know the details. How about you take the kids to the mall? I’m sure they’d love to see it.”

“What’s a mall?” Amity asked.

“Oh, sweet summer child,” Luz said with a cackle. “You’re going to find out.”

*****

Luz had thought a lot about what she’d do with her friends in the Human Realm before. Of course, back then, she’d been operating under the assumption it would be after they’d saved the day and be able to traverse the realms at their leisure. But still, taking them to the mall was at the top of her list, and it felt really good to actually be accomplishing what had long been something she’d worried would only just be an idle fantasy.

In terms of malls, Gravesfield Center was thoroughly average. Nothing to write home about, certainly nowhere as grandiose as the Mall of America or something like that. But her friends had never seen anything even vaguely like it. Their eyes were practically boggling out of their heads with shock and amazement. Even Hunter, who was practiced at looking stoic and unimpressed, couldn’t help but display a certain amount of enthusiasm.

“This is incredible!” Gus said, bouncing up and down on his feet. “I’ve never seen anything like this! It’s like the market, but so, so much bigger! I wanna see everything!”

“Well, we’ve got all afternoon!” Luz said. “So where to first?”

It was decided that they wanted to see what human clothing looked like. They weren’t going to buy anything. While Camila was going to buy them all clothing eventually, she’d probably end up buying something secondhand because it was cheaper. But still, they all got a kick out of trying on outfits. Luz and Amity competed to see who could look the coolest. In the end, they both lost because they ended up looking ridiculous, but in a sense, they also both won because they had a whole hell of a lot of fun.

Hunter walked out of the changing room wearing a very beautiful blue and white striped dress. Luz could not help but notice that the tips of Willow’s ears looked pink. She filed that in her mental Huntlow file. Of course, it wasn’t time to get the ship sailing yet, not while everyone was so upset. Hunter needed to be handled with delicacy. But there was no harm in collecting evidence. “How do I look?” Hunter asked. He looked around him. “And why is everyone staring at me?”

Hunter was indeed attracting some disgusted stares from the more bigoted patrons, although Luz couldn’t help but notice a few teenage girls and guys were also looking appreciative of him. Willow also noticed this and gave them a ferocious glare. Luz cleared her throat. “So…you know how humans sometimes do a lot of stupid things that don’t make any sense?” Amity nodded fervently. “Well, one of those things is classifying clothes by gender. It’s…unusual for guys to be wearing dresses. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, but it won’t help us on the low profile front.”

Hunter cringed. "Belos always forbade me from wearing dresses, because he said it was for women, even though everyone wore them in the Isles. But...when I was a kid, I made myself an illusion of a dress Lilith wore, just because I thought I looked nice in it. I felt more like myself, even though I looked like a girl. Maybe...because..." He (?) shook his head as if to clear away errant thoughts. Luz arched an eyebrow. Did that mean what she thought it meant? "But when Belos found out..." He shuddered. "I've never seen him so angry before or since. It's...it's how I got the scar on my face." Everyone winced.

"Well...for the record, Hunter, I thought you looked nice in that dress," Willow said, and Hunter's ears flushed this time around.

Hunter reluctantly only modeled male clothes after that. He looked so downcast that Luz bought him some extra candy to cheer him up.

After that, they went to an Apple Store, where Luz showed them the computers and tablets, and the various functions they could accomplish. “So it’s like a mechanical scroll,” Willow concluded.

“Uh, yeah, actually,” Luz said. The thought was a weird one. Independently, the Demon Realm had invented social media and the equivalent of smartphones. It was one hell of a coincidence. Maybe elements of the Human Realm had leaked into the Demon Realm just as it was known to be the other way around? “I think my mom’s gonna get you some phones, but they’re probably going to be really cheap. They’ll probably just be able to make calls, maybe texts too.”

“What is this internet thing I’ve been hearing about?” Gus wondered.

Luz let out a nervous laugh. “It’s…a lot for you guys. I’m kind of trying to bring you into this slowly. I don’t want to throw you into the deep end of all of a sudden. So we’re gonna wait on the internet, okay?”

Thankfully, no one seemed willing to object to that. Luz led them over to the food court so they could have lunch. Everyone seemed overwhelmed by the vast array of choices available to them. Eventually, Luz decided to just order pizza for everyone. That seemed simple enough.

“This is absolutely disgusting,” Gus said once they’d all sat down and started eating the pizza. Luz had wanted to defend the honor of the glorious human invention that was pizza – one of the most important cultural achievements in the history of humanity – but she could not actually disagree with him. The pizza served in the food court tasted like cardboard.

“Hey, Luzer,” a grating, high pitched voice called out and Luz flinched at the sound of Rachel Abernathy, one of her most hated adversaries at school. Rachel and her friends despised Luz and made it their personal mission to make her life utterly miserable. They were homophobic, ableist, and racist, exemplars of the worst the Human Realm had to offer. “Oh my gosh, you have friends now? Or are they just with you cause they feel sorry for you?”

“Go away,” Amity hissed. “I won’t let you talk to my Luz like that.”

One of the girls at Rachel’s side – Luz could never remember their names, they were so interchangeable – laughed like a hyena. “Your Luz? I think you’re in for a bit of a surprise there!”

“I’ll give you some advice, blondie, cause you’re cute,” Rachel said to Hunter. Willow’s hands twitched and Luz thanked her lucky stars there wasn’t a plant in sight. “Luz is beyond bad news. She’s a freak, and you don’t want people to think you’re a freak, do you?”

Gus cast a small spell circle. Luz let out a squeak of fright and looked around her frantically to see if anyone had noticed it, but to her relief, no one did. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, a loud “HEY!” reverberated throughout the room, and Clara MacKinnon stormed over to them.

Clara was the most popular girl in school, by virtue of the fact that a) she was captain of the cheerleading squad and b) her father was the billionaire owner of MacKinnon Pharmaceuticals, the richest man in Connecticut. Even girls like Rachel gave her a wide berth. Life had gotten a lot better for Luz when Clara had started defending her.

Clara was a nice, friendly, generous person, and she was also drop dead gorgeous, and Luz had a gigantic, embarrassing crush on her for the better part of a year. But she never came anywhere close to working up the courage to ask her out, even after Clara had publicly come out as bi. Luz had tried to join the cheerleading squad to impress her, but it had been a rather spectacular failure, and after that, Luz had just given up hope.

“Stop pestering them,” Clara said, her voice as firm as iron. “I won’t tell you twice. Or should I tell my dad about how nasty my peers on the cheer squad are? He’s not gonna like that…and he’s a very generous donor to the school district.”

“They’re a bunch of freaks!” Rachel spat. “You’re a freak too!”

“Bold words coming from a girl who peed her pants,” Clara said with a laugh. Rachel looked down in horror at the dark stain on her pants – or rather the illusion that Gus had made of one. She let out a squeal of horror and ran off, her minions in tow. 

Clara walked over until she was standing in front of Luz. “Hi, Clara,” Luz said with a nervous laugh. Having her former crush so close to each other was causing her treasonous cheeks to heat up.

“You look so beautiful when you’re flustered,” Clara said in a sensuous tone and then she kissed Luz straight on the lips. Luz’s whole mind short-circuited for several seconds as she just leaned into the kiss. Of course under ordinary circumstances, she’d stop immediately, but this was Clara. Being kissed by Clara had once featured prominently in Luz’s dreams and it was almost as if she was in another one of them.

But then, she realized that she was, in fact, in reality and had the wonderful and extraordinarily territorial Amity as her girlfriend. But it was too late. Amity had not only seen the kiss, she’d seen that Luz had enjoyed it. Crap. “What. Are. You. Doing. With. My. Girlfriend?!” she snarled.

Luz had a feeling she knew what was happening right now. Vee had mentioned having a girlfriend, and it must have been Clara. And unless Luz missed her mark, Vee had not yet worked up the courage to reveal her true identity, and Clara thought she was dating the real Luz. How dreadfully ironic. There was a time when Luz would have killed to have Clara think she was dating Luz, and now she didn’t want anything less. Unfortunately, the knowledge of what was going on didn’t help Luz figure out how to get out of her present circumstances.

“YOU CHEATED ON ME?!” Clara screamed at Luz.

“No, she cheated on me!” Amity shot back. “Just now! Luz, why the hell didn’t you tell me you already have a girlfriend?”

“I don’t!” Luz said. Oh, God, this was an unmitigated disaster. She was about to screw up Vee’s relationship with Clara and there was a decent chance her own relationship with Amity was already screwed up. Why did fate hate her so much? Having two girls fight over her would have been a fantasy Luz could scarcely dream about once upon a time, and now, it was threatening to destroy everything.

Clara was practically vibrating from anger. “You don’t know what I gave up to date you, Luz. My status took a massive hit because I’m dating the school pariah. And I accepted that, because I love you, and I thought you love me! You said you did!” And yet Vee didn’t love Clara enough to tell her the truth, did she? “These last few weeks have been the best of my life, and –”

“Wait, did you say the last few weeks?” Amity said, confusion all over her face. “But that’s impossible. Luz has been –” Thankfully, Willow had the presence of mind to clap her hand over Amity’s mouth before she could say anything incriminating.

“Look, there’s kind of a misunderstanding here,” Luz began, and then Clara slapped her across the face.

“Oh, I understand perfectly,” Clara hissed. “I understand you’ve been laughing at me behind my back. This has all been some revenge kick for you, hasn’t it? String me along and break my heart, because I wouldn’t let you on the squad or something dumb like that?”

Luz shook her head frantically. “No, no, you’ve got it all wrong! It’s just…just…” But Luz, even with her legendary imagination, couldn’t think of a plausible explanation. And the truth was out of the question. If Vee wasn’t comfortable enough to reveal her true self to Clara, then Luz wasn’t going to out her.

“Yeah,” Clara said bitterly. “That’s what I thought.” She gave Luz the finger and walked away, struggling to keep the tears out of her eyes. Luz felt a spasm of guilt which quickly passed when she remembered that, for once, she actually didn’t have anything to feel guilty about.

Well, she may not have been able to clear things up with Clara, but at least she could clear things up with Amity. “That was Vee’s girlfriend.”

Amity looked stunned and disgusted with herself that she hadn’t figured that out on her own. “Oh, Luz, I’m so sorry…I should have realized.”

“No, it’s okay,” Luz said. “It’s kind of my fault…I shouldn’t have let the kiss go on so long. But I had a huge crush on her before I came to the Isles.” She stroked Amity’s face tenderly. “Before I met the love of my life. I’m so sorry. How can I make it up to you?”

“Eh, I think we’re even,” Amity said. Luz beamed at her. Her girlfriend was so forgiving! Just one of the many, many reasons why she was the best. “So what now?”

“We’ve got to get Vee to tell the truth,” Luz decided. “It’s the only way to salvage this. Not to mention, Clara’s dad is super rich; he could be a valuable ally if we get him on our side.”

“And a very, very dangerous enemy right now,” Gus pointed out. Luz couldn’t help but shudder.

*****

Clara’s father was an honest man. To the best of her knowledge, he had never told a lie in his life. He was honest, for example, about the fact that he did not love Clara. It was nothing personal, he informed her; he simply was not capable of loving her and did not wish to denigrate their relationship with pretenses to the contrary. Lionel MacKinnon did not love anyone. He rarely, if ever, felt even the slightest emotion, much less paternal love. He was as cold as ice, and rarely even pretended to feel emotion. His few attempts to do so in public were all disturbing in the extreme and Clara was glad he didn’t even try in front of her.

Father may not have loved Clara, but she did not believe he was abusive either, at least not in the classical sense. While he was pragmatic and icily logical in the extreme, he was not cruel or malicious. He never laid a hand on her and he never put her down either. While he did not love her, he respected her on her own merits as a person, though not his daughter, and saw her as a very important asset. While some people in his position would have tried to force their child into a mold where they wouldn’t fit, Father was always very adamant that Clara’s development not be stunted. She was a tool to him, but one didn’t use a hammer as a wrench. Clara was herself, not someone else, and he encouraged her to take pride in the person she was and to better herself socially, intellectually, and physically.

Besides, Father clearly liked having Clara around, even if he did not love her. He valued her opinion and treated her with the utmost in respect and dignity. Clara knew that she was missing out on having a loving father, but she also knew it could have been a lot worse. Anyway, Father and Mom were divorced and Mom had custody of her during the school year, and Mom was loving enough for the both of them.

In a strange way, Father’s dispassion made her feel more comfortable around him. A lot of people were governed by their emotions and it made them unpredictable. Father was eminently predictable, logical, and practical. When Clara had realized she was bi, she didn’t have the slightest fear of how he’d react. And she’d been quite right. He praised her for the immense valor she’d shown in telling him such a sensitive secret, and wasn’t bothered by it in the slightest. It was just another fact to put in her metaphorical personnel file to him.

When Clara had started dating Luz, the first time she had ever dated a girl, Father had been just as chill about her dating a girl as he had been when she had dated guys. Luz got the same shovel talk that all of Clara’s past boyfriends had gotten: at Clara’s command and if he deemed her request to be reasonable, he would have her vivisected without anesthesia. This had given Luz a massive panic attack, and Clara hadn’t spoken to him for two days after that. But Father was Father, in the end, and expecting him to be anything else was an exercise in futility.

When Luz cheated on Clara, her first reaction was to break up with her. But Clara’s gut was telling her that something was more than it seemed with the whole situation. Maybe the whole thing had been a misunderstanding. Perhaps the purple-haired girl had been a fling of Luz’s – perhaps at that camp she went to – and had misinterpreted their relationship as being more serious than it was. This sounded increasingly like she was grasping at straws, though. Father was fond of the maxim of Occam’s razor: the simplest explanation was usually the correct one. Clara had probably just gotten cheated on, pure and simple.

Either way, if there was one person who could be relied upon to help her make a decision with objectivity, it was unquestionably Father. Of course, Father didn’t have much experience in the romantic realm. His relationship with Mom had been not rooted in love, but rather mutual benefit. He had lifted her out of poverty, and in exchange, she’d given him a child. When Mom had asked for a divorce, Father had acceded to all of her conditions because he deemed it to be best for Clara, even though he could have had his lawyers squash her like a bug. 

As always, Clara knocked on the door of Father’s study before entering, and as almost always, he let her in. Father’s study was shockingly utilitarian. Father did not go for ornateness in his private spaces, though he bowed to the necessity of keeping up appearances in the more public areas of the manor, and also let Clara decorate her own room howsoever she chose. The room was lined with bookshelves covered in occult texts, some centuries old. Father was obsessed with the occult, a fixation Clara had never understood, given how at odds it was with the rest of his personality.

Father was imposing at the best of times, and this time was no different. Despite pushing seventy, he was still impressively muscular. He was capable of beating someone to a bloody pulp, which Clara had seen him do to an assassin once. The right side of his face had an expression that could best be described as stern, impassive, and indominable. He had eyes that were a stormy dark grey, short grey hair, and a perfectly trimmed grey beard. But it was the left side of his face that was more memorable: it was completely covered up with a black leather mask. It had always been that way. He had never once took off the mask in Clara’s presence. She did not know what was underneath it. Father refused to tell her and Mom didn’t know either. 

“You look troubled, Clara,” Father noted. Bad as he may have been with emotions himself, he had rarely failed to read Clara’s correctly.

“Luz is cheating on me,” Clara said without preamble, and proceeded to explain what had happened at the mall. Father did not react beyond a slight tightening of his face, which, for by his standards, was a ridiculously massive tell that he was extraordinarily upset. “What do you think I should do?”

“I presume we are still operating within standard operational parameters?” he said, his voice ever so slightly wry. Clara hesitated for just an instant, and then nodded. Father had absolutely no sense of morality whatsoever and his suggestions on how to solve Clara’s problems had sometimes involved murder or other hideous crimes before Clara had set up the standard operational parameters, namely excluding anything illegal.

Father picked up a pencil and snapped it in two at its exact center. “The solution is simple. You must end the relationship forthwith. Fidelity was an implicit and essential part of the relationship. If Luz treats that part of the relationship with contempt, you cannot trust her to treat any other part of the relationship any differently. She has deceived, betrayed, and publicly humiliated you. Were we operating outside of SOP, I would suggest you cut her chest open, remove her heart, and place it upon your shelves next to your cheerleading trophies.”

Clara cleared her throat. Father nodded. “I apologize, Clara. You are quite correct that I should not try to persuade you to deviate from SOP when it is clearly significant to you.” That wasn’t anywhere close to what she’d been trying to get at, but the end result was the same, so Clara didn’t make a fuss. She’d learned when and how to argue with Father, and this was not an argument that she would win. “End the relationship. It will hurt, I am given to understand, but in time, your heart will heal and you will find a more loyal consort. Accept no excuses.”

“Thank you, Father,” Clara said with a respectful bow of her head. “I guess you’re right. I just can’t help but wonder if there’s been a misunderstanding.”

“I do not see that as plausible,” Father retorted, and Clara couldn’t help but think he had a point. It had just been wishful thinking. Luz wasn’t loyal and so Clara just had to break things off. End of story.

And yet…she wished it was otherwise. She really, really liked Luz. In truth, Clara had always admired her thoroughly unconventional classmate, yet until Luz got back from that summer camp, she’d never had the courage to go against the massive tidal wave of hatred felt by most of Luz’s peers towards her. But then, the two of them had started working out at the gym at the same time. Not only were Luz’s arms surprisingly toned, but she’d soon revealed herself to be an extremely witty, charming individual, and Clara decided to just bite the bullet and ask her out. She should have known it would blow up in her face, but for all her life, she couldn’t imagine it would have happened this way.

*****

The Human Realm, in Vee’s opinion, was a strange and bewildering place, and she wouldn’t trade it for any other realm, including her home realm. There were so many bizarre unwritten rules. Fortunately, Reality Check Camp had done a good job of teaching them to her. They’d taught her how to act normal and be a functional member of society. Her cabinmates called it a thinly veiled conversion camp. Vee had no idea what that meant. Her friends didn’t seem to change during their time there, so whatever they were trying to convert the campers into, it didn’t work.

Vee’s friends hadn’t known who she was, but after her true identity had been exposed to Mami, Vee had bit the bullet and confessed to them. And then the most remarkable thing happened. They didn’t hate her. They didn’t fear her. They didn’t try to kill her. In fact, they thought it was awesome! They thought she was even cooler as a basilisk than she was as a human. And from that point on, Michael, Maria, and Linus became her steadfast allies in her quest to integrate into the Human Realm as much as possible.

They were certainly very helpful in figuring out why she felt so strange when talking to Luz’s classmate Clara. Clara always left her with a strange, fluttery sensation in her stomach and her cheeks felt so red whenever Clara laughed cutely or flipped her hair cutely or…well, did anything cute. And since Clara was very, very frequently cute, Vee was often left very disconcerted. At first, she worried Clara had poisoned her. But her friends informed her that, in fact, she had something called a crush, and that she was interested in Clara romantically.

When Clara asked her out, Vee was petrified. She was terrified she’d say or do something to blow her cover. But her friends had given her all sorts of tips and reassured her. And, sure enough, Vee rambled a lot during her date, sometimes about some very strange things. But Clara seemed to like that! Even when Vee slipped up and mentioned details of the Demon Realm, Clara just assumed it was an idea for some fanfiction, whatever that was, she was writing.

The last few weeks had been heavenly. With Clara as her girlfriend, her cabinmates now actually going to her school, and Mami in her corner, Vee felt so strong that she felt like she could tackle the whole world. She was the luckiest basilisk in the entire universe! (Okay, yes, technically she was also the only basilisk in the entire universe, but still.) But she should have known her luck was about to run out.

Luz returned with several of her friends in tow, and even though Mami had said, firmly and repeatedly, that she was not going to cast Vee aside or treat her as any less than a daughter, Vee constantly worried that Mami would get sick of her, that she’d decide that her real daughter and her friends were more important. Vee had, after all, deceived her. She’d tricked her into giving her love and affection under false pretenses. Surely no one, even Mami, could forgive that.

And now her idiotic sister had ruined Vee’s relationship with Clara! The first relationship she’d ever been in, with the most beautiful, magnificent girl on the entire planet, and it was in shards, with Clara thinking Vee was a cheater. And she couldn’t clear up the situation without revealing her true identity, and that would cause Clara to hate her even more because she’d been lying to her too! It was a truly a no-win situation Vee had found herself in.

But if she was going to lose either way, then she wanted to lose her for something she actually did rather than something she didn’t. Fortunately, Luz had a surefire plan to explain things without revealing Vee’s true identity. It would also set things up for the cover story they were going to be using in school now that Mami had procured documentation for everyone. Vee just hoped it would work. After all, one of Luz’s plans had left her stranded in the Demon Realm, hadn’t it?

“You’re sure she’s gonna believe you?” Vee worried. “I mean, it’s kind of a wild story you came up with.”

Luz looked at her as if she was crazy. “Of course she’s gonna believe me! Come on, what’s more implausible. My story or the truth?” Well, Vee did have to admit that Luz had a point there. “We look like twins, Vee, so she’s gonna assume we’re twins. She’s not going to leap to the conclusion that you’re a basilisk.”

Vee opened her mouth to say something, but then there was a knock on the door. She steeled herself. If this didn’t work, she was absolutely screwed. “Here goes nothing,” she said, and with Luz at her side, she opened the door.

Sure enough, Clara was on the other side and she did a double take and her mouth dropped open when she saw the identical Noceda sisters. “Hi, Clara!” Luz said with a wave. “Why don’t you come inside? We’ll explain everything.”

Vee and Luz sat down on the couch while Clara, looking dazed, led herself to an armchair. “So have you ever seen the movie The Parent Trap?” Clara nodded. “Well, it’s kind of like that! So I’m the real Luz and this is my twin sister Victoria or Vee as she likes to be called.”

Clara pointed at Vee. “So…you’re my girlfriend?” Vee nodded, a slight smile forming on her face. Clara still thought of her as her girlfriend! All hope wasn’t lost! “But it was you I kissed at the mall.”

“Yeah,” Luz said with a sheepish laugh. “Yeah, you did. Vee and I met at summer camp, and it was pretty much like in the movie! You know, Mom’s been so lonely, since my…uh, my stepdad passed.” She grimaced. Vee felt profoundly grateful that Luz was making such a big sacrifice by pretending that her father wasn’t her real father. “So we switched places. Except it turned out that our dad is a massive asshole and so now Mami’s raising us both. So…sorry about the confusion.”

There was dead silence from Clara for thirty seconds. “You’re lying. I believe you’re the real Luz and I kissed you, not Vee…in retrospect, yeah, you’re definitely the Luz I knew before I started dating Vee. Also, you have a scar she doesn't. But the rest of it? Yeah, total bullshit.”

Luz groaned. “Damn it! I really, really thought it’d work! It’s a time honored tale!”

Vee had hoped it would work too. But she should have known that nothing in life was that easy, especially not for her. “Okay, well…the truth is even stranger than that. But I can prove it. Just don’t freak out on me, okay?” Clara nodded, looking a little scared.

Vee changed into her basilisk form. Now she could do that at will without worrying about whether or not she could turn back because she was able to feed on illusions Gus made. Clara’s eyes widened in utter shock and she fainted. Crap.

“Oh, God, we killed her!” Luz said, clutching her heart in shock. “Oh, I am going to be in so much trouble for this.”

But before Vee could give what she was pretty sure what was going to be a pretty biting retort, Clara groaned and opened her eyes again. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I fainted. Fainted! Ugh, how lame could I be?” She peered at Vee, an analytical look in her eyes. “So you’re some sort of...what, naga?”

“No, I’m a basilisk,” Vee responded. “A shapeshifter from the Demon Realm. Luz’s girlfriend and the rest of her friends you met in the mall, they’re witches from there. They’re stuck here. So am I, technically, but I like living here, so it’s cool for me.”

Clara took several deep breaths. “Okay…okay, this is happening now. You…you’re some sort of giant snake creature. That’s…a thing. I kissed a snake and I liked it. Right.” She stood up. “You know what…this is a lot to process. So here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to pretend I believed your first explanation until I can wrap my head around all this. Can you…can you change back into your human form?”

Vee changed back into Luz’s form and then Clara walked up to her and kissed her on the cheek. Vee let out a soft giggle and gave a dopy grin. She’d kissed Clara on the lips already, but even a kiss on the cheek from her girlfriend had the power to turn her into an incoherent mess. “Hey, I’m not angry at you, sweetie,” she said softly. “I understand why you hid this from me. I’d have done the same thing. I need some time before I’m really comfortable with this, but you’re still my girlfriend, okay?”

“You mean it?” Vee said with a gasp. “You still want to date me? Even after I lied to you?”

Clara nodded. “But from here on out, no more secrets, all right?” Vee nodded frantically. Right now, she’d agree to anything if it meant keeping her relationship with Clara intact. “And I have one more condition: Both of you need to talk to my father before he does something stupid like put a hit out on you, Vee. And for God’s sake, come up with a better cover story. Do not tell him the truth, whatever you do.”

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” Vee said quietly. “You deserved the truth, and I should have told you, but I was afraid you’d leave me.”

“It’s gonna be fine,” Clara promised, and then turned her attention to Luz. “Are things squared away with you and Amity?” Luz nodded. “Good. Because I think one of these days, we’re gonna have to have a double date.”

“What’s a double date?” Vee asked, and Luz just gave a diabolical grin.

Chapter Text

It was strange how, despite the horrors no doubt occurring in the Demon Realm, life continued to tick on in the Human Realm. Luz was starting school and Willow and her friends would be attending alongside her. Camila had acquired identification and documents for them from Eda’s ex-husband’s associate. Their cover story was that they’d been the adopted children of Camila’s nonexistent sister, living in Gravity Falls, before she had passed away and left Camila custody. (Except for Amity, whose cover story was that she’d been raised by Mr. Pines himself, so her relationship with Luz wouldn’t come across as incestuous.) Mr. Pines had promised that the people of Gravity Falls would back up their story whenever necessary, since apparently he was a big hero of Weirdmageddon, whatever that was. They’d also claimed they were all the same age so they could be in the same grade together.

Luz had decided she’d take on a whole new identity as well, as Vee’s twin sister Lucia, while letting Vee take her place. Vee had protested, but Luz said she wanted a clean slate and didn’t want to make things complicated with her and Clara.

Willow was honestly very nervous about starting school. Sure, it probably wouldn’t be as dangerous as Hexside, but the bits and pieces Luz had let slip about her time at human school had not been positive. And Luz was human! How much more difficult would it be for someone who knew very little about human culture? Luz had tried to give her a crash course in human culture. It was bewildering and featured bizarre terms like vines, drip, and memes. It had all gone over Willow’s head and she was pretty sure no one understood it either.

“I am ready to rumble!” Luz said as breakfast was being served on the morning of their first day, sliding down the banister and then pantomiming playing some sort of musical instrument. She was dressed in a dark green jacket, very dark blue trousers, and a purple and white striped shirt. “Like the look? I’m edgy now!” Camila tried to stifle a giggle. “Hey! I’m a witch with a dark side over here!”

“Whoa…” Amity whispered. Willow gently closed Amity’s gaping mouth before she started drooling. It was the kind thing to do, as amusing as the thought of doing otherwise would have been. “Luz, you look phenomenal.”

Luz winked. “Aw, thanks, amor. But remember, at school, Vee is Luz and I’m Lucia.”

Vee looked awkward. “Are you sure about this, Luz? I don’t…I really never meant to steal your life for good. I don’t want you to think I’m pushing you aside.”

By the way Luz’s lips pursed, it was clear that some part of her, not the majority, but a part, did indeed think that. But Luz was not the sort of person to put her own needs ahead of others, which was one of her greatest strengths – and greatest weaknesses. “It’s fine, Luz. Besides, being Luz Noceda isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. This is my chance to start anew! A clean slate! You get to be the weird girl who thinks griffins breathe spiders.”

Gus frowned. “But griffins do breathe spiders. How does that make you weird?”

“Hmm,” Luz said with a meaningful look at Camila. “I guess it doesn’t, does it?”

Camila sighed. “All right, Luz. I get it.” She gave everyone reassuring smiles. “You’re all going to do super well. Don’t worry if you can’t make friends the first day – just try to blend in.” Luz’s eyes twitched. Willow wasn’t sure what that was about. “Gus, you’ve got your illusions ready?” 

Gus nodded. He twirled his finger and suddenly, Hunter, Amity, Gus, and presumably Willow looked like they had round ears. There was something about seeing Hunter with round ears that made her feel warm inside for some reason. She wasn’t sure what that was about, but she made a mental note of that for later, because it seemed important. “Rocking the look!” Luz said with a wink and finger guns. “Oh, you guys are gonna be awesome. And if you need any help, I can answer any questions you have.”

“Didn’t you have to go to a camp because you couldn’t blend in with your fellow humans?” Hunter pointed out. Luz glared ferociously at him. Willow winced. She knew that camp was a sore subject, even though Vee had enjoyed going, and mentioning it was a bad idea, lest it open wounds between Luz and Camila.

“My friends know about me,” Vee informed them. “With your okay, I’ll tell them about you so they can look after you.” No one objected to this, not even Hunter, though he did look somewhat uncomfortable with the idea. Maybe. Then again, looking somewhat uncomfortable was Hunter’s default state, so for all Willow knew, he could have been down with it. “It’s going to be fine. Humans see what they expect to see. I blended in seamlessly at camp and at home until Mom found out. If I can do it, you can too!”

Luz sat bolt upright in her chair. “Excuse me,” she said stiffly and then ran off.

Amity immediately got up, but Willow shoved her back in her chair. “No offense, Amity, but I think this is a job for me. I’ll let you know if I need you.” Luz wouldn’t be honest about her feelings with Amity. She’d hide them in out of a misguided sense of nobility. So Willow walked over to Luz’s bedroom and found Luz sitting on the bed, crying.

Willow sat down next to her and held her, not saying a single word. She wouldn’t speak until Luz was ready to talk. Luz would talk first. That was the best thing. “I…I’m sorry,” she said, wiping her tears away.

“Apology not accepted,” Willow said cheerfully. “I’m not going to accept your apology for getting out your emotions in a healthy way. Would talking about it help?”

“It’s about Vee,” Luz said after quite some time. “Well, sort of. It’s really about me when all is said and done. Vee was me for just a couple months and she got three friends and the most popular girl in school as her girlfriend! I was me for fourteen years…and I never even came close to being as normal as she is. Having to watch her run around as me with people liking her because they think she’s me…it’s really gonna hurt.”

“Well, I like you because you’re you,” Willow offered. “Vee’s nice and all, but Vee’s not my best friend. The one and only Luz Noceda is my best friend, and I don’t care that you’re not ‘normal,’ whatever that means. You’re the girl who offered to help me when no one else would. Who faced down the emperor. Who helped me be friends with Amity again. That’s way better than just being able to fit in. And you have friends and a girlfriend too, don’t forget!”

Only months of dealing with Luz’s surprise hugs managed to stop Willow from being knocked over by the intensity of the hug Luz gave her. “Thanks, Willow. You’re the best friend ever.”

The two of them went downstairs, much to the relief of everyone. “Are you okay, mija?” Camila asked, sounding very concerned. “I understand if maybe you’re not ready to go back yet…”

“No,” Luz said firmly. “I will not let my friends brave school without me.”

Camila frowned. Willow was pretty sure that the idea that Luz thought school was something to be braved was disturbing her. But she pressed on regardless. “Okay. Well, if any of you need advice, you can text me, and if you need help, give me a call. Try not to do it if it’s not urgent, though, cause I’ll be working.”

She nodded over at the palismen, who were assembled in the living room, presumably communicating with one another, or whatever palismen did when they were together. Clover, Flapjack, Ghost, and Gus’s newly rechristened palisman Houdini seemed to be as thick as thieves. Willow wondered if Luz’s new palisman, who remained unhatched, would get along with them just as well. “Thank you for allowing me to bring your palismen to work with me,” Camila said. “I think it’ll do them good to socialize with animals from this realm.”

“Don’t touch Flapjack,” Hunter said, sounding even more tense and uncomfortable than normal. “He’s mine.”

“I promise you, I will not,” Camila vowed. Willow believed her. “Luz, should I take the egg with me?”

Luz thought about it for a long while. “Yeah, but if it starts hatching, you have to make sure it doesn’t look at anyone! It’ll imprint itself on the first person it sees, and I’m gonna be really pissed if it imprints on some random dude.” Or Camila herself, Willow surmised. “All right, let’s dig in!”

A large variant of Camila’s car, which Luz called a bus, picked them up from the house soon after breakfast was done. Luz’s peers thankfully didn’t pay Willow any attention – they were too busy staring at the Noceda twins. Willow caught someone groaning “oh, great, now there’s two of them.” Willow had a feeling that Vee was in for a very long day.

Willow was surprised to see that Gravesfield Junior High was surprisingly similar to Hexside. In retrospect it probably should have come as that much of a surprise, given that Luz had near seamlessly adjusted to going to school in Hexside, but still, it was weird how many echoes of the Demon Realm – or perhaps vice versa – Willow was finding in the Human Realm. And one couldn’t even attribute that to Belos – Willow didn’t know much about human history, but it was a pretty safe assumption schools had changed in the last four hundred years.

The bells didn’t scream and the lockers didn’t try to eat them, but they existed nonetheless. There was a hierarchical structure of popularity with those at the top being usually rich and mean, with Clara being one of the few exceptions. Sports were still a huge deal, with a sport called football being regarded as extraordinarily important by Willow’s peers. There was even the equivalent of a fearleading team, called a cheerleading team, which Clara was the captain of.

For the first day of school, most of the teachers just went over the syllabus and expectations for the class. That was somewhat of a relief, but only somewhat, because while Willow was less at a loss than she otherwise would have been, it was still quite confusing. On her schedule, she had math, language arts, science, art history, social studies, and health class. Math was easy; numbers didn’t change between realms. For language arts, they were reading a several hundred year old play called Romeo and Juliet. Willow was worried she’d blow her cover when she found the language exceptionally confusing, but much to her relief, so did everyone else.

Social studies turned out to be the human equivalent of a history class, and Willow was worried that she wouldn’t be able to make hide nor hare of it. It turned out to be much, much worse than that. They were learning about local history…and the legend of the Wittebanes.  

“The legend of the two brothers is one of the most important aspects of local folklore,” Mrs. Myers lectured. She wrote the two names on the board: Philip and Caleb Wittebane. Willow looked over to Hunter, who was sitting rigidly in his seat, his face chalk white, the grip on his pencil so tight that it was leaving an impression on his hand. “They were among the founders of Gravesfield. In 1653, according to the legend, the two of them were lured by a witch into a magical land, never to return. This began our town’s role in the Connecticut witch trials.”

“THAT’S NOT TRUE!” Hunter shouted at the top of his lungs.

“Young man,” Mrs. Myers began, but trailed off when she saw the look on his face. “Hunter…is there something wrong?”

“The legend is a lie,” Hunter spat. “That’s not what happened to Philip.”

Mrs. Myers blinked. “Well, of course not. Everyone knows witches aren’t real. They almost certainly fell prey to hostile wildlife. Hunter, do you need to see the counselor?”

Hunter cleared his throat, looking incredibly embarrassed. “Uh, no. Sorry. I just…get really worked up about this stuff. Can’t stand historical inaccuracies, you know?”

“I see,” Mrs. Myers said, and went back to talking about the Connecticut witch trials, where hysteria claimed the lives of five innocent women, but Willow could tell Mrs. Myers had decided to keep a much closer eye on him. Not good news for them.

Willow gave him a reassuring smile, but Hunter, looking humiliated, wouldn’t meet her eyes. Mrs. Myers directed everyone to read from their textbooks, and Willow did a doubletake when she saw a picture of a painting of the Wittebanes, because Caleb looked so very similar to Hunter. When Hunter saw the painting, he looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die. To make matters much worse, a lot of the other students noticed the resemblance. Willow tried not to freak out about this. After all, no one believed in magic in the Human Realm. Why would they think of this as anything other than a coincidence?

But it wasn’t. For some reason, Hunter looked like Belos’s brother. And he knew why.

*****

Luz couldn’t believe her luck. She’d sailed through the day with no one whatsoever bullying her. No insults. No whispers behind her back. No one pushing or hitting her. Lucia Noceda was a blank slate, and Luz was eagerly filling it up with a feigned indifferent, emo attitude. Her friends saw through the act in seconds, but her peers were actually quite eager to learn more about the mysterious transfer student with a bad girl attitude. A guy on the football team actually flirted with her, though she made it quite clear she had a girlfriend to avoid a repeat of the mall incident.

In other words, Luz was on cloud nine for once. She had friends in school, a girlfriend in school, she had a reputation other than being a weirdo, and even the teachers treated her better now that someone else had taken on her reputation. She hadn’t stood for anyone slandering Vee, though. She made it crystal clear that while Vee was kind of odd, she was also family, and she’d rearrange the face of anyone who put her down.

“So how were your classes, cielo?” Luz asked Amity as they all reunited at lunch. Much to Luz’s displeasure, her only class with Amity was going to be health class, and the benefit of having her girlfriend there at her side was very offset by the fact that they’d find the topics discussed to be quite embarrassing.

Amity bounced in her chair. “Ooh, ooh, I learned this one in class today! That means sky or heaven!” Amity was taking a Spanish class so she could keep up with Luz. “And batata means sweet potato, right?” Luz nodded.

“Aw, look at you guys, blending in as if you were born here!” a voice called out, and Luz watched as Vee’s friends joined them at the table. Vee herself was not joining them. She was instead at the table with the popular kids, where Clara was holding court. The popular kids looked at her as if she was a piece of dirt on their shoes, but Clara wielded power they couldn’t hope to wield, so they kept their opinions to themselves. Luz refused to look at Vee, lest she be overwhelmed with jealousy.

Gus gave a slack-jawed grin. “Wow! That’s the best compliment I’ve ever gotten in my entire life!”

“I’m Maria, and this is Michael and Linus. Pronouns she/her, he/his, and they/them respectively,” she added. Michael gave a lazy wave and Linus an awkward smile. “So Vee filled us in, and oh my gosh, it must suck to be stuck here.”

“It’s not so bad,” Amity offered tentatively. “I mean, I have my awesome girlfriend at my side. But I miss my family.” Vee had left out the part where the Collector was running amok out of her explanation; no need to alarm her friends unnecessarily.

Michael reached out and squeezed Amity’s hand supportively. “Well, it’s gonna be fine. No one’s gonna learn your secret with us around.”

“Yeah, anything you need, we’re here for you,” Linus promised. Luz’s heart practically melted. Vee had the best friends ever. Would they have become her friends, she wondered, if she’d gone to Reality Check Camp? Would Clara be dating her now if that had happened? Luz couldn’t imagine that being the case. Well, more the second one than the first one. These people seemed chill. She could imagine them becoming her friends. Clara dating her…yeah, no.

“Anyone run into any problems?” Luz asked them. “Anything confusing you?”

Gus raised a hand. “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

“I’m…gonna get back to you on that,” Luz deflected. “Anyone else?”

Willow looked over to Hunter for some reason, but he just firmly shook his head. “Everything’s been perfectly great,” Hunter said, no room for doubt in his voice at all. “We’re blending in amazingly.” He pulled the school handbook out of his backpack. “I’m working on memorizing the rules in their entirety. I’ll probably have it handled by the end of the week.”

“Don’t go running too often to the teachers,” Michael warned him. “You don’t want a reputation as a teacher’s pet.”

Hunter shuddered. “That sounds horrible. Why would anyone want to become someone’s pet? That’s just degrading. I’ll keep that in mind.” Should Luz correct him? Nah. She had to get her kicks somehow.

Luz’s cell phone buzzed and her heart leapt as she saw it was Mami. Was it time? Was her palisman hatching? “Mami?”

“Luz, your egg is hatching!” Mami said, sounding panicked and awed at the same time. “I put it in a storage closet so no one would see it, but I don’t think we have much time before it’s hatched. I already called the office and told them you have to leave school because of a family emergency.”

“Thanks!” Luz said and quickly hung up the phone. “I need to go! My palisman is hatching!” She didn’t bother explaining what a palisman was to Vee’s friends; she just ran out the door and, at top speed, ran through the streets of Gravesfield to Mami’s veterinary practice. Mami had already closed the place, but she let Luz in as soon as she arrived.

“Oh, I’m so excited!” Luz said, bouncing on the heels of her feet. “I wonder what it’s gonna be! A phoenix? A snake? A bat? A razor-toothed flying fish?!” Mami looked thoroughly alarmed at this last possibility for some reason. “This is the best day ever!”

Mami went into her office while Luz opened the door to the storage closet, and then let out a huge gasp of awe when she saw what her palisman was. It was an animal about the size of a turkey, a bird-like creature, though not one capable of flight, covered in feathers and intelligence dancing in its eyes. Luz loved her as soon as she saw her.

It was a velociraptor.

Luz’s palisman was a frigging velociraptor!!!

“You’re a real beauty, aren’t you, little buddy?” Luz said, giving her best Steve Irwin impression. It was certainly much more appropriate to this situation than it had been to her first kiss. “I’m gonna call you Azura.”

Mama? Azura’s voice echoed in her head, and a chill went down Luz’s spine. Her palisman had bonded with her! She liked her!

“Yes, sweetie,” she said, giving her a kiss on the forehead. “Mama’s here now. Mami, you can come in now!” Mami came in and let out a shriek of fright when she saw the dinosaur standing in front of her. “Oh, relax, Mami, Azura isn’t gonna hurt you! She’s the friendliest velociraptor in the universe!” Also, the only one, but Luz wasn’t going to mention that small detail.

“That…that’s a dinosaur,” Mami breathed. “How in God’s name did you get an extinct animal as your palisman?”

“That’s a good question,” Luz admitted. “Maybe they aren’t extinct! Maybe they went to the Demon Realm!” Really, that wasn’t outside the realm of possibility now that she thought about it. If the giraffes could go from the Demon Realm to the Human Realm, couldn’t it work the other way around? She’d have to show her friends pictures of dinosaurs to see if they recognized any of them. Just the thought of maybe being able to ride a triceratops one day made Luz practically salivate with excitement.

Mami looked almost paralyzed with fear. “But…but…I thought these things were bloodthirsty predators! I saw what they did in that movie! It’s one thing to have your friends in our house, but a wild and murderous animal…”

Luz’s face twisted in disgust. “Mami, those things they called velociraptors in the movie, those were a completely different genus of dinosaur. Real velociraptors are much smaller and more docile. Besides, what are you gonna do if you don’t have her in the house? Release her into the wild? Kind of think she might draw some attention. Besides, she’s my palisman. Belos separated witches from their palismen. Don’t be like him.”

Mami sat down on a chair and took quite a few deep breaths in an effort to calm herself down. It must have worked, because she seemed very composed when she asked, “How are we going to sneak her out of here?”

“Easy!” Luz said confidently. “We’ll have Gus swing by after school, cast an illusion, she’ll look like a dog, problem solved.”

“I’m just glad palismen don’t eat,” Mami said. She leaned down so she was at eye level with Azura. “Hola, cariño. Bienvenida a la familia. Can I touch her, Luz?” Luz nodded without a single instant of hesitation. Mami stroked the top of Azura’s head, and she purred with excitement. “She likes me, doesn’t she?”

“How can she not?” Luz said with a fond grin. “She’s got the best abuela in the world!”

“Ay, Luz, I know you’re joking, but I’m way too young to be an abuela,” Mami said. Then she frowned. “Is that a thing that can happen over there? Two women having kids?”

Luz nodded. “But not by accident. There’s a ritual. And believe me, Mom, Amity and I are so not ready for that. I, uh, got the witch version of the talk from Eda after we started dating.” She shuddered. That was an experience she would have been happy to wipe from her memory and probably would have if it hadn’t been so useful. Eda’s version of the talk was quite…thorough. Complete with diagrams and in depth discussion of techniques that Luz was pretty sure would make Amity very happy after they turned eighteen.

Mami seemed to know exactly what was going on in Luz’s head and couldn’t help but smirk. “Well, it’s a part of growing up, mija.” She clapped her hands. “So! Since we appear to be stuck here for the next few hours, I was wondering if you’d like to talk some more about your life in the Demon Realm.”

Mami must have seen the panicked look that formed over Luz’s face, because she put up a hand. “I’m not asking you to share anything that you’d feel uncomfortable with. In fact, let’s stay away from anything too upsetting. I just want to hear some, you know, fun stories, that’s all. Perhaps you could tell me how you and Amity first met…?”

Luz laughed nervously. “Uh, maybe I’ll tell you another story! Perhaps about Grom!” She smiled fondly at the mere memory of dancing at Grom with Amity and pulled up a chair. “Okay, so Grom is sort of like a prom, but the Grom Queen has to fight a giant fear monster.”

Mami put her hand on her face, looking shocked. “Dios mío. And they let kids fight this beast?”

“Yeah,” Luz said, her voice quiet. She’d never gotten that. But now she wondered if Belos had intentionally put the Isles at a disadvantage against Grom, because if Grom had been released, massacring the residents of the Demon Realm would have been much easier. “Uh, yeah, so Amity got chosen as Grom Queen, and she was freaking out! Because she had to face her worst fear, and that was really embarrassing. So I vowed I would be her fearless champion and defeat Grom in her stead!”

Mami let out a squeal of excitement. She was a bit of a sucker for chivalric style romance and Luz vowing to defend Amity like she was a knight in shining armor must have really appealed to her. “So what happened next?”

“Well, Grom night rolled around and…” Luz stopped in her tracks. Because she realized right then and there that she would have to reveal a secret she very much did not want to reveal: the fact that Grom had taken Mami’s form. Of course, she wasn’t really scared of Mami, per se. She hadn’t thought Mami was a threat to her. She was just scared of Mami getting upset she’d lied to her and taking the Isles away from her.

No, it was going to be kinder to lie. “…and I was doing so well and then Grom took the form of…” What was a plausible answer? Oh, that was right! Her original assumption would do the trick. “It took the form of Eda. Gromeda was telling me that I would never be a real witch, that I was just a weak human playing at something beyond my understanding. I’d never find a place where I’d belong…”

Azura sensed Luz’s distress and nuzzled against her leg. Maybe it was just psychosomatic or maybe it was a result of their link, but the movement calmed her down instantly. “Uh, yeah, so I ran for it. Not my finest moment. But Amity found me, and she faced her own fear. She was scared of being rejected by the girl she wanted to ask to Grom. Man, I feel sorry for that girl. She really missed out on having an awesome girlfriend.” 

For some reason, Mami was smirking. Odd. Luz wasn’t sure what that was about. “Anyway, so I decided to go with Amity instead, as friends! That’s what friends do, I told her!” Mami looked torn between looking amused and horrified. She was definitely missing something. “So we danced and together, we combined our magic and we defeated Grom!”

Mami’s smirk grew only more pronounced. “Hmm. And you’re sure it wasn’t you she wanted to ask to Grom?”

Luz laughed so hard she nearly fell out of her chair. Her! Amity’s Grom crush? The very idea was preposterous. “Why would she be nervous about asking me? She’s the most popular girl in school, from one of the wealthiest families in the Isles, and she’s nervous about asking me?”

“And why not?” Mami said, sounding stern. “You are a girl with much to offer, Luz. She dated you later on, did she not? Is it really so implausible that she had a crush on you back then?”

Luz shook her head. “It’s impossible, and I’m going to prove it.” She texted Amity and asked her if she had been her Grom crush. She received a single word back: “Duh.” Luz was just flabbergasted. She had been Amity’s Grom crush the whole time! “OH MY GOD, I FRIENDZONED HER!!!” she shrieked, her face flushing red with mortification.

Mami burst out laughing. “I thought you were supposed to be on my side!” Luz protested. She looked over at Azura, hoping for support from her palisman, but the treasonous velociraptor was sniggering at her! “I hate you all.”

*****

Hunter was having a very, very bad day. He’d had worse, obviously. It was hard to top the day when you learned your entire life was a lie and that the only person you’ve ever loved was evil and didn’t love you and that you’d been assisting him in a fiendish plan to commit genocide. Or the day when said person splattered all over him. But Hunter would easily put his current day within the top ten of worst days he’d had.

First off, he’d had the lovely experience of learning that his uncle – the emperor, that was to say – was one of the founding figures of the town. And that the mysterious Caleb was none other than Belos’s brother. Hunter was a grimwalker of Belos’s brother. No wonder Belos had referred to himself as Hunter’s uncle instead of his father. It was, from a certain point of view, the more accurate descriptor of their relationship. The people of the town venerated not only a genocidal monster, but also him. In fact, according to Linus, there was even a statue of the two of them in the town square! How, exactly, Luz had never made the connection, he’d never know.

But that wasn’t anywhere close to the indignities he’d had to suffer that day. He could not find any common ground with Luz’s peers at all. He thought he was going to be able to! But no one wanted to talk about the Revolutionary War with him. They had never even heard of the fiction books he’d been reading. In fact, they all thought he was a nerd, whatever that was, for being interested in that stuff.

He'd really thought he’d made a connection with one of the girls in his math class. But she seemed to be just as bewildering as the others, if not more so. She’d come so close to blowing his cover – she’d made mention of the fact that his body temperature was higher than the average human (because what else could she have been referring to when she called him hot?) And then, when he’d stammered out an explanation, she’d threatened to kill him! It sounded crazy, but she asked if he wanted to hang after school and what else could she have meant by that? Hunter had sternly reminded her of the rules of threatening bodily harm and she wouldn’t say another word to him after that.

He didn’t get a single thing any of the teachers were saying in science class. Nothing in the textbook made the slightest amount of sense to Hunter. It was abundantly clear that human science had advanced far beyond anything seen in the Demon Realm. Gus had told him once that humans had actually been to their moon, which Hunter had dismissed as yet another of his inaccurate human facts, but now he was starting to wonder if he was telling the truth. Hunter resigned himself to a bad grade there.

At least lunch had been easier on him. But he could hear people whispering about him behind his back. The weirdo. Just like Luz, two peas in a pod. He’d been respected. Feared! He had been one of the most influential people in the Demon Realm, and now everyone thought he was a loser. It was a huge, crushing blow to his ego, and it wasn’t as if his ego was very good to start with.

But lunch paled in comparison with physical education. The kids there didn’t bother picking on Hunter, but he would have much preferred that to what they ended up doing, which was picking on Gus. They called him names that Hunter didn’t even recognize. Some of them seemed to relate to the color of his skin, of all the inane and puzzling things. Gus bore the abuse with stoic acceptance. It was clear he’d heard much worse in his time. The smart thing to do, Hunter knew, would be to just follow Gus’s lead. They needed to blend in. Hunter had already created enough waves, and attracting more attention to him would just raise more questions that they didn’t want raised.

Hunter had never been noted for doing the smart thing.

So when Ian Whittaker and two of his interchangeable cronies started picking on Gus again in the locker room after class, Hunter snapped. “You step away from my little brother, if you know what’s good for you.” Huh. He’d meant to say best friend, and the words little brother slipped out. Well…there really wasn’t much point in denying it to himself now that he’d admitted it to everyone else, was there?

His brother looked at him in awe, which was a much more preferable emotion to how Ian and the other bullies were looking at him, namely that they wanted to strip the flesh from his bones. “Your brother? Wow, your mom must have really slept around.”

Hunter felt an instinctive urge to defend the honor of a woman he realized a second later did not, in fact, exist. That was a trifle embarrassing. “Gus’s mom is dead. Show some respect.”

“What, I’m gonna show some respect for some crack whore?” Ian said and shoved Hunter. “Dream on.”

Hunter did not know what those words meant, but they were surely a grievous insult. “I imagine your own mother isn’t much better. You know, I’ve been finding health class quite bewildering. Perhaps if I asked her for a hands-on demonstration…”

Ian punched Hunter in the face, and Hunter grinned diabolically at him, because now that Ian had thrown the first punch, Hunter could defend himself to his heart’s content. Killing him was probably out of the question. Even if he could claim self-defense, committing murder on the first day of school was probably a faux pas, right? But he could make Ian regret he was ever born.

Before he had time to deliver much more than a couple of incapacitating blows to the solar plexus towards them all, a teacher discovered them and sent them all to the office to see the principal. Hunter was pleased. Finally, someone would give Ian the punishment he deserved.

“I’M SUSPENDED?!” Hunter asked a few minutes later. Principal Hal just nodded. “That’s insanity. I was merely defending my brother from a vicious bully. I was struck first!”

Hal shook his head firmly. “Mr. Porter, we have a zero tolerance policy for fighting in this school. You were fighting, so you are being punished.”

Hunter goggled at him. Maybe this was something that made perfect sense for humans, but right now, to him, it was making no sense at all. “So you punish everyone involved in a fight? Even the victims?”

“Yes,” Hal said, his voice smug and sanctimonious. “It takes two to tango, Mr. Porter. The choice to use violence is wrong, no matter the context.”

Hunter was wondering if he had nodded off while waiting for the principal to call him in, because this really had the fuzzy logic of dreams to it. “So if I punched you in the face, would you have to suspend yourself if you fought back?”

“Don’t be absurd,” Hal said, his face reddening with anger.

“Then how is it a zero tolerance policy if it doesn’t apply equally to the staff?” Hal’s face twitched. “Look, I’m new to this…area and there’s a lot I don’t understand, but this is bonkers!”

Hal snarled at him. “I should have expected such behavior from a relative of that Noceda brat. Get out of my office now!” Well, as Belos was fond of saying, one couldn’t reason with crazy. Of course, he failed to realize that it applied to him more than anyone else, but the overall precept, in Hunter’s opinion, was sound, so he just left.

With Camila still unable to leave her workplace until school ended, Hunter decided to go to the town square, and there it was. A statue of Belos and Caleb. “Hey,” Hunter said, speaking to the statue of Caleb. “So…I guess I’m a copy of you? You must have been a good person if your nature kept on showing up in the Golden Guards over and over again. I…I don’t know if I am. I fell for Belos’s lies for so long…for Philip’s lies. Titan, I can’t even use his right name!”

He sank to his knees. “There’s so much pressure. I have to hold everything on my shoulders. I have to keep Gus safe. And I’m terrified I’ll start slipping. I don’t want to let him down. But I know I will. He’ll see I’m no better than my uncle in the end, and he’ll hate me. I know it.”

He looked in the stone, immobile face of Philip. Stone like the wild witches he’d petrified. Like the Owl Lady had almost been. Like Luz had almost been. “And as for you…”

Hunter hopped onto the pedestal, gave the statue a solid kick to the groin, and then he walked away.

Chapter Text

“WHOO!” Luz shouted as she slid down the banister into the living room where her friends were already waiting. “CAMPING! This is gonna be awesome!” Camila couldn’t help but grin at her daughter’s enthusiasm. It was nice seeing her excited at the thought of spending the weekend camping with her friends and sister. Before Luz went to the Isles, she’d hated the thought of spending time outside. Fresh air was overrated, she’d often said. But now, she either had appreciation for the wonders of nature or the thought of spending time with her friends was enough to override her distaste for outdoorsy activities. Either one warmed Camila’s heart.

“Are you sure it’s gonna be safe, Camila?” Amity asked, her face a mask of nervousness. “What if something happens to you while we’re gone?”

Camila gave her a reassuring smile. “Not to worry, sweetie. Nothing’s gonna happen to me with Hunter around to protect me.” Hunter just scowled. It was a very teenage reaction, and while that would have ordinarily annoyed her, under these circumstances, she viewed it as an encouraging sign.

After his disastrous first day at school, Camila came to realize that Hunter was something of a ticking time bomb in terms of his psyche. She was still fuzzy on the details, but she was pretty sure he was suffering from PTSD, being a former child soldier, and the repercussions of abuse. All in all, it was a wonder he was as functional as he was. Camila needed more information, and it would have to come from Hunter himself.

So she made arrangements with Vee’s friend Michael’s parents to take all the children except Hunter camping for the weekend. The Flemings immediately agreed – they were avid nature enthusiasts and also extremely curious to know more about Vee’s mysterious new siblings. Camila had forbidden Hunter from going with them, ostensibly as a punishment for getting suspended. It made her feel guilty to manipulate him in such a manner, but she was hoping the end results would make up for it.

It still made her blood boil that Hunter was suspended for merely defending himself. Ironically, despite the injustice of the punishment, it still was likely the best outcome. Hunter had military training and it was clear from the description of the bullies’ injuries that he was not holding himself back. He was not taught to disable an enemy, but rather to fight until their ultimate defeat. If Hunter had cut loose, which he was clearly planning on doing before he was discovered, he could have accidentally killed someone.

“Wouldn’t you agree, Mami?” Luz asked, and Camila realized to her embarrassment that she’d been so lost in thought that she hadn’t heard the original comment.

“Sorry, I was lost in thought,” Camila admitted with a sheepish grin.

“I was saying it’s really safe, nothing like camping in the Boiling Isles,” Luz said, her voice somewhat pointed. “I mean, you’d only do that if you had a death wish!” Camila tried her best to keep the deep discomfort that brought her off her face. She was going to have to feign a blasé attitude towards the danger the Boiling Isles fazed so Luz would be honest with her. She knew all too well Luz’s tendency to lie by omission if she thought it would spare someone’s feelings.

Amity kissed Luz on the cheek. “I trust you, Luz. After all, with my fearless champion beside me, I need not fear anything!” Vee groaned. “Oh, come on. Like you’re not just as sappy with Clara.”

There was the honk of a horn outside and all of the interdimensional visitors jumped in fright. “It’s gonna be a while before I get used to that,” Willow admitted. “Mr. Fleming says not to call unless there’s an emergency. Apparently, cell phones disturb the incomparable tranquility of the natural world, or whatever.”

Camila’s daughters gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Willow and Gus also hugged her, while Amity just gave an awkward wave. She wasn’t quite at the point where she was ready to just give casual hugs. Amity only meted out her affection to those who had thoroughly earned her trust, Camila was coming to realize, and Amity wasn’t quite there yet.

Once everyone but Hunter and Camila were gone, Hunter went into a rigid posture, almost standing at attention. No, scratch the almost part. That was precisely what he was doing. Camila wished Emperor Belos was still alive, solely so she could have the pleasure of killing him herself. She wasn’t too clear on the details of his death, but from what she understood, it had been very quick and messy. He deserved a much slower one, in her opinion.

“So…” Camila said, as the silence echoed in the room. “About your suspension. Look, Hunter, I think the whole zero tolerance policy is a bunch of crap. But you do have to learn to control your temper. Violence doesn’t always solve problems and it always creates new ones.”

Hunter nodded meekly. Ugh. This was going to be a tough nut to crack. “Yes, ma’am. May I please go to my room now?”

“So you can spend the day reading instead of socializing? I think not.” Camila opened a cabinet and took out some board games. “We’ve got all weekend to get to know each other. Hunter, I want you to feel comfortable around me. I want you to trust me.”

“So did my uncle,” Hunter grumbled so quietly Camila wasn’t certain he had intended to say it aloud. A chill went down Camila’s spine. So Belos was Hunter’s uncle. No wonder he was so conflicted about his death if he was family. And it just made Camila even angrier that Belos used his own nephew as a pawn. He peered at the board games. “What are these?”

“Do you not have games in the Demon Realm?” Camila asked.

Hunter shrugged. “We have sports like grudgby and flyer derby.” Camila recalled Amity mentioning she’d played grudgby in the past. It sounded not too unlike Quidditch, but even more dangerous. But her eagle eyes spotted a slightly fonder expression on Hunter’s face at the thought of flyer derby.

“Did you play flyer derby?” Camila asked as she set up the game Sorry!. It seemed to be simple enough that Hunter wouldn’t get overly confused by the rules.

“Yes!” Hunter said, and in that instant, he looked like a perfectly normal teenager. “I’m on a flyer derby team at Hexside.” That was Luz’s school, Camila recalled. “With Gus and Willow and Viney and Skara.” He shuddered minutely, no doubt at the thought of his teammates stuck in the Boiling Isles with the Collector. “We’re the Emerald Entrails!”

“How…lovely,” Camila said, trying to keep her voice bright. Emerald Entrails? Setting aside the spectacular dangers, the Demon Realm was just gross sometimes. “Well, a board game is like a sport in the sense that it’s a fun activity with rules and specific win conditions.” Hunter’s eyes lit up at that. Camila knew that would likely appeal to his very structure focused mind. “I’ll make you a deal. For every game you defeat me in, I’ll give you ten minutes to read in silence. But for every time I win, you’ll have to answer a question honestly about your past. If you don’t want to answer the question, you’ll say so and I’ll ask you a different one, but you’ll have to answer something eventually.”

Hunter readily agreed to the deal. Camila was certain her scheme would be an effective way of getting him to open up, but there was one key flaw in her plan that she had failed to see: Hunter’s strategic mind meant that he kept winning. Any game that she trotted out – and she had a considerable amount of them – he trounced her in them. At least Hunter seemed more relaxed the more they played. He even volunteered some information. Granted, it was fairly limited, but she did learn that Hunter had a friend or maybe a mentor named Darius, that he considered Gus to be his brother, and that he didn’t have any parents.

She also learned that a girl in Hunter’s math class had asked him out without him having the slightest clue. Hunter was mortified when he learned this. “I can’t believe I screwed up so badly,” he bemoaned. “I’m really failing this whole learning to act human thing, aren’t I?”

“No, Hunter!” Camila assured him. “So you missed a few social cues. That’s not the worst thing in the world. Luz, I assure you, has done much, much worse. Did you know she didn’t even know she was Amity’s Grom crush?” Camila was probably more satisfied with that piece of knowledge than she should have been. It was likely partly because her obliviousness, unlike many aspects of her personality, had been inherited from Camila, not Antonio. In fact, Camila had been on no fewer than four dates with Antonio before she realized they were dating, and only because he told her that point blank to her face.

Hunter rolled his eyes. “How could she not know that? Amity is a lot of things. Subtle is not one of them.”

“Well, sometimes, we don’t see things because we can’t imagine them being so,” Camila speculated. “When we think little of ourselves, the idea that someone thinks so much more doesn’t occur to us.” She coughed. She was probably revealing more of Luz’s past than Luz would like. Time to change the subject. “So what magic can you do, Hunter? I don’t think I’ve seen you use any since you got here.”

Hunter crossed his arms. “I…can’t do magic. My bile sac doesn’t work. I may not even have one.” Camila made a mental note to ask Luz what a bile sac was. She didn’t want to interrupt the flow while Hunter was on a roll. “I had a staff I used to do magic, but I left it in the Demon Realm. Even if I had it, I don’t think I’d use it. I’m just as powerless as you humans. Probably because…” He clamped his mouth down firmly. “I need to use your restroom,” he said in an extraordinarily stiff tone and he bolted before Camila could even so much as say a word. Well. So much for making progress.

Camila had been experimenting to see what foods the witches could handle. Vee’s experiences as a basilisk had given her a good sense of a few foods to be avoided, but at the end of the day, Camila was just doing trial and error. In fact, the foods Vee couldn’t handle could very well be perfectly acceptable to witches, since they were two entirely different species. Still, it would be a while before she introduced peanut butter to their diets, lest she risk a repeat of The Incident.

After the misunderstanding with the pancakes, Camila had thought Hunter would not want to eat them, ever, but he turned out to absolutely love them, though she was forbidden from ever calling them flapjacks again, a condition she happily agreed to. So Camila decided she would make blueberry pancakes for lunch. The palismen, which had been left at home, often gathered around her as she cooked, making her feel like a Disney princess. It was nice to have their company.

“Flapjack, dear, I don’t suppose you can communicate with me?” Camila said hopefully as she cooked away. The bird shook his head. Well, that did mean he could understand her, so that was a step in the right direction. “I just wish Hunter would open up more.” Flapjack gave a sound she thought might have been laughter. Yeah. He probably hoped for the same, didn’t he? “Can you tell him I can be trusted?” There was stoic silence from Flapjack. Camila’s heart sank. Clearly, she hadn’t earned Flapjack’s trust either.

Hunter was hiding secrets. Luz knew them, Camila knew, but she would never ask her daughter to betray Hunter’s trust like that, especially since Luz’s guilt and desperation to gain Camila’s approval might actually make her give answers. Camila had to get Hunter himself to divulge his secrets, and that would be a long process. She was starting to realize that it would not be a task she would fully accomplish over the weekend. But even incremental progress would be helpful.

Were the circumstances any different, Camila might have asked for help, tried to seek out a therapist for Hunter. But she couldn’t let outsiders know of their situation. Camila wished she could tell her own troubles to a therapist of her own as well. She was feeling overwhelmed having to look after everyone, to say nothing of the strain it was putting on her bank account. If things went on for too much longer, she’d have to start dipping into Luz’s college fund. Maybe it would have been better if Hunter had gone on the camping trip too so she could get a break.

But Camila pressed on. It was her way. Her response to difficult situations was always to take things one step at a time. If she had big problems she couldn’t solve, she solved a smaller one. And she distracted herself, with chores, with crossword puzzles, or, in this case, with cooking. Eventually, the pancakes were ready, and they looked damn good if she said so herself. Before he got cancer, Antonio had done the cooking in the household, which he enjoyed and was ridiculously good at. But she’d stepped up to the plate after that fateful diagnosis and while she’d never be in Antonio’s league, she had talent nonetheless.

“What are these things?” Hunter asked, poking at the blueberries with his fork.

“Blueberries, a type of fruit,” Camila responded. “It’s very good for you. It’ll make you healthy and strong.”

Hunter nodded and started eating. “I’m used to my cuisine having more eyes in it,” he commented as casually as commenting on the weather, and it took all of Camila’s self-control not to gag. “Still, this is very good.”

“So what kind of foods did you have back in the…Emperor’s Coven, I think Vee said it was?”

Hunter groaned. “Look, Mrs. Noceda, could you just get to the point here? These cat and echo mouse games, I just don’t have the patience for them. What do you want from me?”

Camila should have seen this coming. Hunter didn’t have any experience with adults who genuinely cared about him, only ones who wanted something from him. “Hunter…you’re broken,” she said bluntly. She sensed he would appreciate blunt speech. He flinched, but nodded. “I want you to get better. I want to know the things in your past that hurt you so I can help heal you.”

Hunter looked like he was understanding. “So you’re sensing that my psychological issues are inhibiting my performance in being an effective…whatever you want me to be…and are trying to ameliorate them so I can play my role better.” On the other hand, looks could be deceiving.

Camila reached out across the table and put her hand near Hunter’s, but not touching it, in the hopes he would take it. He did not. “You misunderstand me, Hunter. I don’t want anything from you. I just want you to be happy.” Hunter stared at her with total confusion in his eyes. The illusion Gus laid on them during school days was gone, leaving them that striking, otherworldly magenta color. “You’re a child, Hunter. You don’t need to be anything but yourself.”

“I was never a child,” Hunter said flatly.

“You never had a childhood,” Camila corrected him. “That is not the same thing as you not being a child. Your childhood was stolen from you. I want to give it back.”

Hunter was stubbornly silent for the rest of the meal. All of Camila’s attempts to make conversation with him failed. As the rest of the afternoon went on, Hunter’s mental state didn’t appear to get any better, but that wasn’t what was worrying Camila. It was his physical state. He looked pale, sweaty, and dazed as the afternoon went on. Hunter fervently and repeatedly denied that anything was wrong, and Camila didn’t want to push it.

But then two things happened to make her realize that something was wrong. The first one was when Hunter finally lost a game. And the second one happened while she was trying to figure out what question to finally ask him: he threw up all over her. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Noceda!” Hunter babbled. “Please don’t hurt me…I’ll make up for it!”

“Hunter, I want to make one thing absolutely clear right this second: I will never, ever hurt you,” Camila vowed. Hunter looked utterly befuddled at the thought of an adult not hurting him. “I’m going to feel your forehead to see if you have a temperature, with your permission.”

“Why bother asking?” Hunter asked bitterly. “You’re just going to do it anyway.”

“No, I will not,” Camila promised. “But I strongly recommend you give permission. I don’t want to have to take you to the hospital.” After a few seconds of silence, Hunter nodded. Camila felt his forehead and swore under her breath. Hunter was burning up. Were he human, she would have taken him to the emergency room immediately, but she knew witches had higher body temperatures than humans. Still, he was very sick. Camila made a mental note to take blueberries out of their diet for the foreseeable future.

Hunter looked at her as if expecting a blow to come. “Hunter, mijo, you’re sick.”

“Okay?” Hunter said. “What game are we going to play next?” Seriously? He was just going to power through everything? Wow. That was sad.

“No more games. You’re getting some sleep. You’ll sleep in Luz’s bed. I know your experiences in the Coven were…unpleasant, but surely they at least let you recuperate if you were sick?”

Hunter shook his head. “We had access to the best healing magic out there. If they couldn’t heal you, you were a goner anyway.” Okay, fair enough.

Camila helped him out of his chair and over to Luz’s room. It was only Hunter’s legendary stubbornness and his unwillingness to show weakness in front of Camila that even kept him vaguely upright and Camila still had to let him lean on her. Once he got into the bottom bunk of Luz’s bunk bed, he settled in without a word of protest.

“I bought Vee some stuffed animals,” Camila lied. They were actually Luz’s stuffed animals, but she was very embarrassed about them, and to the best of her knowledge, she hadn’t told any of her friends about them. She opened up the drawer. “Would you like one? I won’t tell anyone.”

Hunter pointed at a stuffed kitten and Camila put it in his arms. He cuddled it as if it was all that was giving him life. There was suddenly a knock on the door, though one that sounded different from usual, and Camila let out a yelp. How had someone gotten into her house?! But then a second later, she realized it was likely Flapjack trying to get in, so she opened the door and sure enough, the cardinal flew in and landed next to Hunter’s head.

“Thank you…” Hunter whispered. Camila decided to take a risk and kissed his forehead. He just smiled. In that instant, he looked like the child Belos had forced him to not be. Camila really hoped she see him look like that more in the future.

*****

Hunter didn’t dream. Not in the way everyone else did. When he slept, memories played in his head, as vivid as he had experienced them the first time around. They were always accurate. When Skara had told him about how normal people dreamed, he was flabbergasted. Their brains just showed them things that weren’t real? That didn’t make any sense at all!

Hunter had no control over what memories played as he slept. Sometimes, they were good memories, like the first time Belos had told him he’d done a good job or when Willow had smiled at him and he came to a sudden, blinding realization that she was the prettiest best teammate in the whole world. He liked those dreams. And contrary to what Mrs. Noceda probably thought, he had dreams with positive memories quite often.

But sometimes, there were dreams about negative memories. Like when Belos had carved a notch into his ear when he’d failed a mission, or when Belos had called him a waste of space who was dishonoring his parents’ memory, or when Belos had said he was disappointed in him. In retrospect, Hunter was coming to realize, the fact that so many of his negative memories involved Belos probably should have been something of a tip off.

Of course, these days, he had a lot worse memories for his stupid brain to choose from. Like learning his beloved uncle’s true identity. Or that Belos didn’t love him. Or that he was a genocidal monster. Or that lovely memory of getting the goop that once was Belos all over him. But all in all, his dreams had mostly been positive. The problems tended to start for Hunter when he woke up.

Naturally, because he was probably the unluckiest person in the entire multiverse, Hunter’s dreams while he was sick were always about terrible memories. Some of the worst. He floated in and out of consciousness and he dreamed about the worst moments in his life. Some of the memories he must have repressed, because they seemed new to him. Or maybe Belos had wiped his mind. But, no, Belos didn’t bother with those things; he just made a new grimwalker and moved on.

Hunter was eleven, and his heart pounded in his chest as he focused on conjuring the illusion magic with his staff that would give him what he wanted. He’d seen Mistress Clawthorne give a speech to the people of the Isles and he had felt a profound sense of jealousy. She was wearing the most incredible dress and she looked powerful and strong beyond belief. Hunter wanted that for himself. That strength. That power. That dress.

So he called to the staff’s power and waved it and the illusion manifested. Hunter looked at himself in the mirror and he let out a gasp. He looked…feminine. And beautiful. He couldn’t help but feel guilty. Belos had told him that men were men and women were women and that was the end of it. And the common people may have decided that dresses were unisex, but the Titan had told Belos otherwise. Hunter had wondered, for the first time in his life, if Belos had misunderstood the Titan when he said that.

“Huntress…” he whispered. She whispered? Her. She. The pronouns echoed in Hunter’s head, and they felt right for some reason, but even in his head, he still could not bring himself to think of himself as a herself. But still…the concept would echo in the back of his mind for some time.

The door to his quarters suddenly open, and then Belos was standing over him, a disturbingly blank look on his rotting face. “What. Are. You. Doing?”

“I was just…just messing around with illusions,” Hunter stammered.

Belos let out a bestial roar and Hunter lost his concentration and the illusion dissipated. “You are a boy!” he bellowed. “You are a Hunter! I won’t let her corrupt you!” There was a tense silence. “Not like she did to my brother.”

“My father…?” Hunter whispered. Belos never talked about Hunter’s parents.

“Your father was a great man…before she murdered him,” Belos said in a much calmer tone. “A wild witch possessed and murdered him. You wouldn’t dishonor his sacrifice by going against the Titan’s will, would you, boy?” Hunter quickly shook his head. “Good lad.” He gave a kind, caring smile. Hunter tentatively returned it. “And just to make sure you’ll never forget that lesson…”

The pain of the blow that followed awoke Hunter from his nightmare. Not that reality seemed all that much more real. Everything seemed very fuzzy, and he couldn’t stop shivering, while, paradoxically, he also felt very warm. Hunter had never missed magic more than he did now.

The door opened a few seconds later, and Mrs. Noceda walked in with a tray containing soup and water in her hands. “Antonio got bad nightmares when he got sick too,” she said, her voice infuriatingly gentle. He still had no clue what Mrs. Noceda wanted, and her blatant manipulations weren’t helping him figure it out any faster. “Of course, in the end, that meant he had them all the time. Oh, he would have loved you, Hunter. He’d have you adopted quicker than you could say ‘he’s mine now.’”

Was that Mrs. Noceda’s aim? To gain a son to carry on the family name? According to health class, only people of opposite genders could have children in the Human Realm. Perhaps she was unaware that Luz and Amity would indeed be able to sire children in the Demon Realm…or maybe she was just preparing for the possibility of them never returning. Hunter breathed a sigh of relief now that he had a plausible explanation for Mrs. Noceda’s bewildering actions. He was a means to an end, that was all. That was much more believable than the idea that Mrs. Noceda was just tossing her love out there at random.

And, of course, that would explain why Mrs. Noceda was trying to ameliorate Hunter’s psychological conditions – she couldn’t have him being a threat to her future grandchild. It wasn’t as if she was capable of caring about him. No one was, after all. He was just a grimwalker.

Mrs. Noceda put the tray on the table next to Hunter’s bed. “Now you don’t have to eat any soup if you’re not up to it, but I really must insist you have some water. You need fluids.”

“I’m fine,” Hunter lied and then his stomach gave a spasm and he threw up in the bucket Mrs. Noceda had placed in the bed.

“Yes, I can see that,” Mrs. Noceda said in a deadpan tone. Curses. She pulled up a chair. “Tell me something, Hunter, are all witches as bad at lying as you are?”

“I’m not a witch; I’m a grimwalker,” Hunter blurted, and then he slapped himself on the forehead for giving away something so important he hadn’t even told Gus or Willow.

Mrs. Noceda looked bewildered. “I don’t know what that is.”

Hunter just kept his mouth firmly closed. Mrs. Noceda just nodded. She left the room briefly and returned with a damp cloth. “This is going to be cold, sweetie,” she whispered. “We need to cool your temperature.” She pressed the cloth, which was indeed cold, on Hunter’s head. It felt nice. “I just want you to be safe and healthy.”

Hunter was twelve years old when he caught the common mold for the first time. Belos sat by his bedside constantly as Hunter rambled on in a delirious fashion. “I want you to get better, Hunter,” he said, stroking Hunter’s cheeks with a fraternal tenderness. “You will be safe and healthy under my care.”

Hunter opened his eyes and found, to his embarrassment, that he’d nodded off very briefly again. “Mrs. Noceda…I owe you an honest answer to a question,” he reminded her.

Mrs. Noceda nodded slowly. “What’s a grimwalker?”

“He’s a better version of an old friend,” Hunter remembered Belos saying when he and Luz were trapped in his mind. He shook his head to clear away those horrid memories. “A copy. Of his brother Caleb.”

Mrs. Noceda’s mouth dropped open in astonishment. Now that the dam inside his mind had been broken, Hunter could not help but spew out the truth anymore than he could stop spewing out the vomit earlier. “I wasn’t the first. There were at least a dozen before me. All told they were fulfilling the Titan’s will…all told Belos was their uncle…all told they were loved. And when they showed defiance…Belos killed them.”

Mrs. Noceda opened and closed her mouth repeatedly. “That fucker,” she snarled. She clasped her hand to her cheek looking mortified. “Please don’t use that word around anyone else. Especially Vee. I can’t believe he would do something so monstrous.”

Much to his horror, Hunter started crying. Ugh. Crying. How weak was that? Flapjack rested against his neck, sending a pulse of warmth and love through their bond. “I’m not a witch, I’m not a human, I’m just some sort of freak!”

Mrs. Noceda pulled up a chair and sat beside Hunter’s bed. “Well, I look at you and I don’t see a freak. What I see is a strong young man, a living creature with dignity and worth. One with the moral strength to defy the only person in your life you’ve ever loved, because you knew what he was doing was wrong.” She squeezed Hunter’s hand. Mrs. Noceda – Camila’s hand felt warm and soft. “Hunter, I’m so, so proud of you for making it through all this, and for having the strength and the courage to tell me.”  I’m proud of you for succeeding on this mission, Hunter, Belos whispered in his memories. And what’s more, you’ve made the Titan proud of you too.

“Thank you, ma’am,” Hunter whispered. “I mean, Mrs. Noceda…I mean, Camila.”

Camila ruffled his hair and gave him an affectionate smile. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be Camila’s son, even if she had ulterior motives, even if she didn’t want to do it truly out of love. It sure sounded like a better existence than being Belos’s nephew. At least he was pretty sure Camila wouldn’t hurt him. She wanted his loyalty and his love, not just his obedience. Treating him with kindness and respect seemed the better option for that.

Camila walked over to Luz’s closet and pulled out a paperback book. “Why don’t I read to you, dear? Would you like that?” Hunter didn’t have much more strength in him to muster much more than a nod. “‘Once there were four children whose names were Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy…”

Hunter fell asleep before Camila had finished even reading the chapter. He didn’t mind that. When he dreamed again, his dreams were more positive. He dreamed of hanging out with Steve, reading about wild magic, the moment when he first met Flapjack. The nightmares, if that was what one called them, didn’t menace him anymore.

His fever broke over the night and the next day, he was as right as rain. He must have had a fairly robust immune system, according to Camila. As if sensing she had pushed him too far, Camila didn’t try to get Hunter to open up about his past anymore. Instead, the two of them watched a series of movies called the Star Wars saga. Hunter found himself very unimpressed by Emperor Palpatine. What kind of self-respecting emperor couldn’t turn themselves into a slavering beast? Shooting lightning from one’s fingertips was so boring by comparison.

His friends (and wasn’t it strange how easy it was to call them that now?) returned in the evening, filled with exciting stories of the wild. Willow was filled with interesting facts about the trees she’d seen on her trip and even though that sort of thing bored Hunter to tears normally, he could not help but hang on her every word. Luz told a terrifying story of how she’d wrestled a bear. Thankfully for Camila’s heart, Vee promptly revealed the story to have been made up out of whole cloth.

“So did you and mom have a good time?” Gus asked. Hunter shrugged.

“Hunter had food poisoning,” Camila informed them. “No blueberries for any of you in the future. He was pretty delirious for a while though. Though he did tell me something very, very interesting…” Hunter went rigid with fear. Was this the betrayal he’d long feared? “He told me a girl in his math class tried to ask him out and he hadn’t a clue!”

Luz gave an evil grin. “Oh, no! I wonder if the Noceda family obliviousness is spreading…”

“That goes down the Serrano bloodline, mija,” Camila reminded her, mock sternly. “Don’t attempt to bring your father into this.”

“I still can’t believe you completely failed to realize Amity wanted to ask you out,” Hunter shot back at Luz. “At least I had an excuse! But you must have seen how she could barely function around you.”

Willow let out a gasp and ran into the attic. When she returned, she was waving her scroll in the air. Hunter did a double take. He had no idea she had brought it with her. “I found this in one of the pockets of Luz’s bag during the trip. I forgot I stuffed it in there.”

“It’s…like your version of a cell phone?” Camila asked and Willow nodded. “Does it work?”

“It does!” Willow said. “I mean, there’s no Penstagram service here cause we’re in the Human Realm. But I have pictures from Grom!” Camila gave a huge grin. Luz went pale for some reason. Huh. What was that about?

Luz grabbed the scroll out of Willow’s hand and started frantically scrolling through all the pictures. Camila just looked confused. She deleted certain pictures. Hunter tried to get a better view of her so he could see what she was deleting. And then he saw and the bottom dropped out of his stomach.

It was a picture of Grom.

It was a picture of Grom manifesting as Mrs. Noceda.

Luz’s worst fear had been her mother. In a realm that had nearly killed her many times, where she’d been menaced by wild animals, faced down the Owl Beast, and started a jailbreak at the Conformatorium, nothing she had encountered had terrified her more than Mrs. Noceda. That was how bad she was.

And Hunter had been dumb enough to bring his little brother into the home of a monster. He’d once more fallen for the honeyed words of a manipulator. Oh, she fancied herself so clever. Poisoning him and then healing him to gain his trust? Sheer brilliance. She had probably even slipped truth potion or whatever the human equivalent was into his drink just so she could learn his secrets, so she could blackmail him with them later.

But this time, Hunter had the upper hand. Mrs. Noceda didn’t know he had figured out her true nature. Hunter had the advantage of surprise. This time, he would get his family safe. He would stop Mrs. Noceda’s nefarious schemes. And he would do it no matter the cost.

Chapter Text

The MacKinnon mansion loomed menacingly over the edge of town, as if it was looking down upon the rest of Gravesfield from its elevated location. Luz didn’t like the look of it one iota. It reminded her uncomfortably of Blight Manor. A house devoid of all personality but the one carefully placed to appeal to important people. It was a house Luz was thankful Clara was not forced to grow up in.

If Luz had her way, she wouldn’t be there at all. But Vee had insisted she accompany her to help appease Mr. MacKinnon’s anger. Mr. MacKinnon wouldn’t believe that Vee wasn’t cheating on Clara without the presence of her so-called twin there to back up their story. So Luz was dragooned into accompanying her and Clara to MacKinnon Manor. Still, a part of Luz was kind of excited to see what the place would look like on the inside. Lionel MacKinnon was, after all, the richest man in Connecticut, a man with a net worth said to be around twenty-five billion and that was likely a conservative estimate. His house had to be cool.

Clara pushed the button on the intercom and was buzzed in without a second’s hesitation. No doubt Mr. MacKinnon had surveillance cameras all around the property. They walked up to the door, and Clara knocked on it without the slightest amount of fear. Well, she wouldn’t have any, would she? Mr. MacKinnon was her father, after all. He probably wouldn’t have her killed if she didn’t like the way she spoke to him. Probably.

Much to Luz’s shock, Mr. MacKinnon himself answered the door. He was rarely photographed in public, but everyone knew about the mysterious mask he wore covering the left side of his head, and sure enough, there it was. But more than the mask, he simply radiated power. This was a man who could have ruled kingdoms in ancient times.

Luz walked into the foyer, marveling at the ludicrously ostentatious décor. “I kind of thought you’d have a butler answering the door,” she said, and then cursed herself for her bluntness.

Mr. MacKinnon didn’t appear to care. “I believe in being as self-reliant as possible,” he said in a resonant yet curiously monotone voice. “Others may think it is a sign of power to let others do things one could easily do oneself. I view it as a sign of weakness.”

“So I’m Luz, and this is my sister Vee,” Luz said, and Vee waved. “There’s been a big misunderstanding, and we’re here to clear it up.”

“Are you? Somehow I doubt it. Follow me, if you please.” It was clearly not a request. Luz followed Mr. MacKinnon through a dizzying array of hallways, each more palatially furnished than the rest, until they reached his office.

It was jarring how much more spartan the office was compared to the rest of the house. The furniture was sturdy, well made, and utterly plain. The walls were painted a uniform white. The desk was something one would find in just about any ordinary office. The only exceptions were the bookshelves lining the room, and the hundreds of occult books within. Did he have books about portals? She’d have to ask Clara that later.

Mr. MacKinnon sat down behind his desk. “Talk.”

“Okay, so it’s kind of a funny story!” Luz said cheerfully. “Turns out Vee’s been Clara’s girlfriend the whole time. We sort of switched lives when we met at summer camp. I was getting really sick of the bullying I faced here and she wanted to get out of the one horse town of Gravity Falls and go to the two horse town of Gravesfield!”  

“It’s true, father,” Clara said. “I know it sounds absurd, but it’s the truth. Luz came back to town, but before they could tell me the truth, I ran into her at the mall and kissed her. Turns out she already had a girlfriend. So, you see, the whole thing was just a huge misunderstanding.”

Mr. MacKinnon was silent for a very long time. By the panicked look on Clara’s face, Luz was guessing this was not a good sign. “Have you ever encountered the Hide Behind?” he said, ending the silence with a jarring suddenness, his tone brisk and clinical.

“Yes?” Vee guessed. Luz had no clue what the hell a Hide Behind was, and she had a hunch she didn’t want to find out either.

“Trick question,” Mr. MacKinnon said, a hint of smugness in his voice. “You can’t meet the Hide Behind because he’s always hiding behind you. Have you ever encountered gnomes? The Multibear?” Vee looked utterly panicked, desperately looking over at Luz for a hint. The trouble was, Luz didn’t have the slightest clue what Mr. MacKinnon was talking about. “What happened during Weirdmageddon?”

“I don’t know!” Vee shouted, sounding like she was near tears.

Mr. MacKinnon leaned forward. “You are old enough to remember Weirdmageddon. I assure you, it is not something you would not know about if you were from Gravity Falls. But you are not from Gravity Falls.” He gestured at the stacks of books. “It is ironic that out of all the small towns in America, you chose the one and only one that I would be able to instantly disprove your cover story with. The most occultly connected town in the United States.”

He took a file folder out of his desk and withdrew a very thick stack of paper. “The reports of my private investigators. One of them has gone undercover as a substitute teacher in your junior high.” Clara looked appalled. Luz just groaned. She knew there was something strange about Mrs. Woods. “Your friends, Vee, are quite curious individuals indeed. They appear to be traumatized. They seem to have grown up highly isolated from pop culture. Or any type of modern culture, in fact.”

Luz knew that coming to the mansion had been a mistake. But she’d never suspected that Mr. MacKinnon was on the threshold of blowing everyone’s cover! And why did he even care? “There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for all this.”

“I have heretofore been impressed with your intelligence, Luz. Please do not change that by lying more than you have already.” He cleared his throat. “My investigators came to the conclusion that you and your associates were escapees from a cult.” Actually, that was a really good cover story now that Luz thought about it. In Hunter’s case, it was even pretty much true. She should have thought of that herself. “But I came up with a more…interesting theory. A more farfetched one, to be sure. But if I am right…”

He opened another drawer and dug around in it. “Where is the damn thing?” he muttered. “It’s never around when you need it.” Luz sneaked a glance over at Vee and her heart practically stopped when she saw white dots appearing on Vee’s cheeks. She was losing control of her form.

“Well, this has been fun, but we really have to be going,” Luz said, trying to keep the nervousness out of her mouth.

“Ah, here we go,” Mr. MacKinnon said, his voice almost cheerful, and then he pulled a gun out of the drawer, aimed it at Vee’s head, and pulled the trigger. The gun went click. There were no bullets in it. But it didn’t need to be loaded. Mr. MacKinnon had already gotten what he wanted. The shock caused Vee to involuntarily turn into her full basilisk form.

Mr. MacKinnon set the gun gently down on the desk. “Extraordinary,” he breathed, his voice filled with awe. “Many was a time I have been mocked for my studies of the occult. And now, a real life creature not of this world stands before me. As always, I have proven myself to be right and my detractors wrong. What are you?”

“I…I’m a basilisk,” Vee admitted. Denial was pointless now, after all. “From another universe. But nothing’s really changed! I’m still your daughter’s girlfriend! I still love her!”

“It’s true, Father,” Clara said, her voice strong and clear. “I’m aware of Vee’s true nature. It hasn’t changed how I feel about her.”

Mr. MacKinnon nodded. There was respect in that gesture. “Such loyalty is commendable. I sincerely hope it is reciprocated.” He looked over at Luz. “The rest of your friends, they are basilisks as well?”

Luz hesitated. She really did not have the right to out her friends like that. But there were extenuating circumstances involved. As a scholar of the occult and a billionaire, Mr. MacKinnon could very well be the only person capable of making a portal. And he already knew about Vee. In for a penny, in for a pound, right? “They’re witches. From an alternate dimension called the Demon Realm. I’m just a human, though.”

Something Luz did not like in the slightest flickered in Mr. MacKinnon’s eyes upon her mentioning the Demon Realm. “And you came through the portal in the abandoned house in your neighborhood, yes?”

“How…how did you know about the portal?” Luz stammered.

“I own that house,” Mr. MacKinnon said as casually as if he was talking about the weather. “Of course, after the destruction of the portal to the Demon Realm, I stopped monitoring it – a mistake, I see quite clearly now.”

“Have you been to the Demon Realm?” Luz asked. She couldn’t believe it. What were the chances of running into someone else who’d been to the Demon Realm?

Mr. MacKinnon looked…wistful for a few seconds. “I am unable to, and I do not wish to discuss why.” Luz wondered if it had to do with whatever was behind his mask, and then wondered what had made such a thought occur to her. “Given the unusual extenuating circumstances, I will forgive you for your attempted deception of me. You will not gain any more forgiveness in the future.” Luz gulped.

He stood up and gestured at his bookshelves. “I will place you in contact with my archivist, who will give you access to whatever books you need from my collection. You may not peruse them on your own; there are many rare and delicate texts among them. My only condition is you will share your findings with me. If I find you are hiding something, you will not like the consequences.” 

This seemed extremely generous to Luz, and she couldn’t help but wonder exactly why Mr. MacKinnon was helping her. “What’s in it for you?”

“Simple,” Mr. MacKinnon said, sounding amused by the question. “I wish to exploit the Demon Realm’s resources to create new medicines for my company.” Luz raised an eyebrow at his bluntness. “If you can create a portal, then I may be able to use it, unlike the one that Marylin possesses.” Luz was confused for a second until she remembered that Marylin was Eda’s alias in the Human Realm.

Clara leaned forward. “Father, Vee won’t be returning to the Demon Realm. She’s going to be staying here on a permanent basis. If you’re seeking to get rid of her that way…”

Mr. MacKinnon rolled his eyes. Well, Luz assumed he did. The one she could see was rolling, at any rate. “You misjudge me, Clara. Vee makes you happy. The fact that she is not human is irrelevant to me. In fact, her shapeshifting powers could make it possible for her to impregnate you and thus continue the MacKinnon biological line. I reiterate that this is not a requirement in your partner, but I would be pleased if my genes continued to be propagated.”

“Eww!” Clara said, as Vee’s cheeks flushed a lavender color. “Father! Stop embarrassing me! It’s way too early to talk about that.”

“Indeed it is,” Mr. MacKinnon said. He looked over at Vee, who was practically squirming in her seat with embarrassment. “I must insist you use protection if you have intercourse with Clara in a male form.”

“What do you mean by protection?” Vee asked.

Luz banged her head against the table. “This isn’t happening,” she said fervently, hoping against hope that saying it would make it so. It did not. “This can’t be happening right now…”

“Has anyone given you any form of sexual education?” Mr. MacKinnon asked Vee. By the bewildered look on Vee’s face, it would appear that the answer was no. 

Luz grabbed a Hexes Hold ‘Em card out of her purse and practically shoved it down Vee’s throat, enabling her to change back into Luz’s form. “We have to go now!”

“But –”

“RIGHT NOW!” Luz shouted as she shoved her sister and Clara out of the room as quickly as possible.

*****

After Willow had realized that Amity had wanted to ask Luz to Grom, she had been utterly merciless. Not unkind, of course, but merciless. She was constantly ribbing Amity (in a gentle, friendly, teasing manner) about her crush on Luz and her inability to ask the human out, despite the fact that it was pretty damn obvious that Luz would have leapt at the chance to date her. Her motivations for this were twofold: first of all, she wanted revenge for the years of bullying Amity inflicted upon her while still maintaining the friendship they’d rebuilt. And second, Willow thought Luz and Amity would be a perfect couple. And like so many other times, she was proven right.

But now the tables had turned, because Amity had figured out that Willow had a crush, and she was being just as merciless, if not more so. Willow had tried her best to hide her feelings for Hunter, but Amity could read her like a book, and proceeded to give back what she got. It was perhaps just, but it was also damn annoying.

“You know what I think Hunter would love?” Amity said as the two of them walked towards the Gravesfield Historical Society. “Flowers.”

“Kind of unoriginal for a plant witch, don’t you think?” Willow pointed out.

“The classics are classics for a reason,” Amity said dismissively. “And he’s so head over heels with you that you could give him dirt and he’d love it.”

Willow doubted she was lucky enough that her feelings were reciprocated. And even if they were, Hunter was in such a bad emotional state right now that, really, he wasn’t in the right headspace for a relationship. He’d probably say no anyway. Hunter could snap his fingers and have any girl or guy crawling all over him if he wanted. He was attractive, sensitive, tough yet caring, the world’s biggest nerd but in an endearingly dorky way, so hot, and just an all out amazing person to be around.

Amity snapped her fingers in Willow’s face. “Isles to Willow! Come in, Willow!”

Willow gave a nervous laugh. “Sorry, did you say something?”

“Looks like I’m not the only one to make a fool of myself when I’ve got a crush, now am I?” Amity said teasingly. “Hey, you know, you’re probably overthinking this. You don’t have to make a huge deal of it. Just ask him on a date. See a movie! Have dinner! It’s not like you have to get married.”

Willow sighed. “If only it was that simple.” Hunter had been acting so weirdly lately. He was continuing to get in trouble in school, and not just for normal reasons either. He’d been asking his teachers to join him in overthrowing Hal and establishing a regime that was more equitable and didn’t tolerate bullying. Fortunately, when she was called down to the school in response to this, Camila had managed to convince them it was just an elaborate joke.

Hunter had also almost gotten arrested when he supposedly went to city hall and threatened to destroy the statue of the Wittebanes. That had actually been a misunderstanding, as it turned out. Hunter had actually wanted to get the city government’s approval for him destroying the statue, but they’d taken his request as a threat and called the police. Camila had once more talked them out of getting him in trouble, but Hunter was on the radar of law enforcement now, and that could not be a good thing.

“Well, all I know is that life is so much better for me now that I’m with Luz,” Amity said, total confidence in her voice. “Hunter needs something good in his life, and so do you, really.”

Willow nodded slowly, but she still wasn’t convinced. “I just feel awful about worrying about things as mundane as a crush when my dads are out there suffering who knows what.”

Amity smiled sympathetically at her. “Yeah. I felt the same way. But you know what? Right now, whatever your dads are going through, at least they have the satisfaction of knowing you’re not going through it. I bet if they knew you were happy, and wanted to do something that made you happy, even if it’s just going on a date with Hunter, they’d be happy too.”

Willow had never thought about it like that. She missed her dads so much. She knew they’d be impressed with the Human Realm. She hoped that when the Collector was defeated and they all went back home, she’d be able to spend more time in the Human Realm with Luz. Maybe they’d have sleepovers. Maybe she’d even be able to stay there for a while on holidays. Thinking about a bright future like that made her feel better, even if she wasn’t entirely convinced it was possible.

The two of them went into the society’s lobby. Apparently, this was the place to go to for information about the town’s history. Willow wanted to know more about the Wittebanes. She told herself that it was because she may get leads about how they managed to make it into the Demon Realm in the first place. But in truth, Willow wanted to understand how someone like Philip could live in the Demon Realm for centuries and still have such hatred that he was willing to commit genocide. It just didn’t make any sense. Also, she was hoping she could maybe convince them to get rid of the statue, or at least move it to a less prominent location, though she knew it was a pipe dream.

A brown-haired man wearing glasses stood behind the desk, muttering to himself. He looked…not all that sane. But then again, who was Willow to judge? It wasn’t as if she’d been a pinnacle of stability herself lately. “Hello?” Willow called out.

The man gave a smile. She did not the looks of it one iota. “Well, hello there,” the man said. “Welcome to the Gravesfield Historical Society. I’m Jacob Hopkins, the curator. Can I help you?”

“Yes, we’re looking for whatever information you have on the Wittebanes,” Amity said in the most professional tone she had available to her. “We’re doing a report on them in school.”

Hopkins peered at them. “Hmm. Interesting.” He looked Amity in the eyes and did a double take at the color. Camila had promised to get her colored contact lenses so she’d be able to blend in better, but with all the many things on her plate, she’d not yet gotten around to it. “You…you’re one of them!”

“One of whom?” Willow asked, trying to keep her voice casual. Had their cover already been blown?

“One of the lizard people!” Hopkins shrieked. “They’ve infiltrated our government. I captured one of them a few weeks ago, but a government agent hit me with her shoe and locked me in my own cage! Then another one broke into my office just yesterday and stole one of my weapons of righteousness!”

Willow and Amity started backing towards the door. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on here, but we’re just ordinary, run of the mill humans, like you!”

“They’re everywhere,” Hopkins ranted. “I saw one of them with my own eyes. It was impersonating one of our children! Who knows who could be taken over by now?” Wait, was he talking about Vee? “I’m going to kill you both. It’s the only way to be sure!”

The front door slammed open and a woman stormed into the room, fury all over her face. She was about Hopkins’s age with dark skin and long hair dyed an almost blinding cyan color. “HEY!” she shouted. “You have a restraining order! Get the hell out of here before I call the police!”

“You can’t do that! I’m the curator!”

“I’m the curator, you moron!” the woman screamed at him. “Remember? You got fired and the board hired me as your replacement!” The woman pulled out a cell phone. “You have until the count of ten. One. Two.”

Hopkins quickly bolted towards the door. “This isn’t over! The reptilian invasion will be stopped! So saith Jacob Hopkins!” He ran out of the door, looking back and shaking his fist menacingly at them as he did so, and then collided headfirst with a lamppost.

“I am so sorry you had to deal with him,” the woman said. “Marcia Waters, the real curator of this museum. Jacob got sacked after he got arrested for breaking into the mayor’s office and ranting about lizard people. Guy’s a real nutjob. Loves his conspiracy theories, Q-Anon and the like, know what I mean?” Willow did not, and she had hunch this was a good thing. “He keeps on coming back here when I’m out, trying to act like he still has his old job. Next time he comes here, I’m really calling the cops.”

Willow took a few deep breaths. “That was really scary,” she admitted. “I’m not used to people threatening to kill me.”

“He did what?!” Waters shouted. “Okay, I am definitely calling the cops as soon as we’re done here.”

“No, no, don’t!” Amity said. “I don’t want to have to deal with them. It’s really not a big deal.”

Waters nodded understandingly. “Okay, fair enough. So what brings you to our humble museum?”

“We’re looking for information about the Wittebanes. For a school project.”

“You and everyone else,” Waters muttered. “Founder’s Day is our busiest time of the year. I’ve been telling people for ages that it’s just not appropriate to continue to honor the Wittebanes. Well, Philip, specifically. Caleb was an all right sort, from what little I know about him. But Philip was a nasty piece of work. Treated the Native Americans around here like crap, even worse than a lot of his contemporaries.”

Amity tilted her head. “Founder’s Day? I’m sorry, I just moved here. There’s a lot that’s unfamiliar to me.”

Waters didn’t seem to be suspicious of this explanation at all, thank goodness. Willow had found that a lot of people were willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, more adults than their peers, but still. On the whole, more people were nice than not in the Human Realm, she’d found. “Well, every year, we celebrate the Wittebanes. It’s a big deal. There’s a big parade and everyone dresses up in awful cosplay that makes me want to start kicking people’s asses, it’s so historically inaccurate. On the bright side, you’ll have the day off from school.”

Willow groaned. That was just what Hunter needed right now: a whole town full of people celebrating his genocidal uncle. “Have you ever thought about getting rid of the statue in the town square?”

“Every single day, lady,” Waters said. “It’s disgusting that we honor such a terrible person. What kind of example does it set for our kids? A bad one, let me tell you that. But the Wittebanes and their role in the witch trials are sort of our one claim to fame, so that statue is going nowhere.” Willow hadn’t exactly been expecting a better outcome, but it was still a bit of a disappointment.

Waters gave them a list of books about the Wittebanes they could find in the library. She then proceeded to show them the various artifacts the museum had collected from that era, but none of them were particularly useful. Willow was sad to leave the museum emptyhanded, but at least she did have the satisfaction of knowing that not even in the Human Realm had everyone been taken in by Belos’s lies.

“You should ask Hunter out on a date on Founder’s Day,” Amity suggested as they walked away from the museum. “Take his mind off things.”

“Oh, I couldn’t do that,” Willow stammered. “He probably doesn’t like me…we’re teammates! It’d be weird…”

Amity smirked. “Oh, I’m going to have so much fun with this.” Willow gulped.

*****

Gus was having the time of his life. Sure, he did feel a little guilty for enjoying himself while his dad was stuck in the Demon Realm with the Collector. But Dad wouldn’t want him to sit around moping. He’d be happy that his son was not only safe, but pursuing his highest ambition, namely to experience everything the Human Realm had to offer. Gus was determined to enjoy himself, and so far, he’d achieved that goal with flying colors, whatever those were.

He'd long been mocked and derided for his love of the Human Realm. But Gus knew that humans were awesome, and he wasn’t going to let anyone dissuade him from that belief. Meeting a real life human had only cemented this opinion. Not only was Luz an incredible individual, but she’d quickly become one of his closest friends. She was willing to support him no matter what, never asking for anything in return. Actually, she was way too self-sacrificing in Gus’s opinion, but that was something Luz would have to deal with herself.

Now Gus was actually in the Human Realm, and all the wonder he’d felt at the strange alternate universe was now being eclipsed by the knowledge of what humanity was truly capable of. They used mechanical devices to make up for their lack of magic, and in so doing, had accomplished things those in the Demon Realm could scarcely dream of. They could fly thousands of miles in just a few hours in a mechanical tube called an airplane. They’d even set foot upon their planet’s moon!

Of course, there were downsides too. Learning about the vast array of prejudices humans possessed, including about things as ridiculous as one’s skin color or liking the same gender. Getting bullied without mercy or even the slightest amount of subtlety. Finally achieving his dream of owning a human bucket only to have it completely ruined when Hunter repeatedly threw up in it. But still, Gus was determined to focus on the positives.

And right now, there was a great positive on the horizon: they were going to experience a human beach for the first time! Camila had decided they would get out of town for Founder’s Day so Hunter wouldn’t have to endure seeing Belos honored. They were going to Charles Island, an island on the coast of Connecticut, a good hour or two away by car.

According to Luz, Charles Island was rumored to be a hiding spot for the buried treasure of Captain Kidd, a notorious pirate who lived around three hundred years ago. Luz was absolutely certain she would be able to locate the treasure and thus end their money problems. Camila, Gus could tell, did not believe this in the slightest and was just humoring her daughter. But Gus wasn’t so sure. If there was one thing Luz was good at, it was accomplishing the impossible. No one had thought humans could wield magic before her, after all.

Either way, they were in for a fun filled day. Certainly more fun than they would have had staying in town. “Okay, everyone has everything they need?” Camila asked as they were about to load up into the larger car Clara’s mother had generously loaned them. Clara was also accompanying the party. Vee’s girlfriend had made it clear to her friends that Gus and his friends were off limits. They hadn’t really been listening, but still, Clara was okay in Gus’s book.

“Yep!” Willow said. “Towels, our palismen, goggles, smelling salts, the works. And, yes, Luz, we also have shovels.”

“Smelling salts?” Camila asked, sounding bewildered. “Why would you need those?”

Willow smirked. “Oh, I don’t want to spoil the surprise.”

Gus eagerly soaked up every inch of the scenery on the hour and a half ride to Charles Island. Despite Luz’s assertions that Connecticut was as boring as hell, Gus was utterly enthralled by the wide variety of cars and buildings he could see. He didn’t know how anyone could ever get bored of the Human Realm. Though he supposed if he’d grown up there, maybe it would all seem normal to him. He felt a surge of pity for Luz for thinking that a world extraordinary as her own was dull.

Charles Island was connected to the mainland by a sandbar, which apparently got flooded over during high tides. Gus wasn’t sure whether or not they’d find treasure, but the beach looked like it was stunning enough to make up for it. Moreover, it was completely deserted. They were the only people on the island, it would seem, and that meant they could be themselves without having to worry about their disguises. Vee changed to her basilisk form. (Gus couldn’t help but notice Clara eyeing her with excitement in her eyes.) And Gus withdrew the illusion over his and his friends ears.

The palismen looked particularly pleased to be there, even more so than their symbionts. Gus had tried to take Houdini out for fresh air with an illusion that made him look like a dog, but people kept trying to pet him, which would have broken the illusion, so the poor chameleon had been stuck indoors all day. Gus was pleased to see them enjoying themselves, especially Azura, who looked to be as hyperactive as her own symbiont.

“Well, here we are!” Luz said, jumping up and down with excitement. “The thrice cursed Charles Island. Cursed in 1639 by the chief of the Paugasset Native Americans, in 1699 by Captain Kidd, and in 1721 indirectly by the Aztec emperor Guatmozin.” Camila looked incredibly skeptical, Gus couldn’t help but notice. “We’re gonna be rich soon!”

Camila cleared her throat. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed if you don’t find anything, mija,” she said gently. “Remember, we don’t need to be rich to be happy.”

“Yeah, but it’d help!” Luz said. Without a second’s hesitation, she took off the sundress she’d been wearing, revealing a two piece swimsuit which, in Gus’s opinion, seemed a bit too risqué for a girl her age. But it was apparently fine for the Human Realm, so he wasn’t going to say anything.

Amity let out a series of sounds that didn’t come anywhere close to resembling words, her face turned entirely red, and she promptly passed out, falling headfirst onto the pavement of the parking lot. Willow immediately took smelling salts out of her purse and put them over her nose until Amity regained consciousness. “Oh…thank you,” she said, sounding utterly mortified. She looked over at Luz, who looked not only amused, but flattered by the reaction. “You look beautiful…I didn’t know it was possible for a girl to look so beautiful…”

“Aw, you’re not half bad yourself there, Amity!” Luz said. Amity gave a dopy grin. She, like Willow, was wearing a more modest one piece swimsuit. On the subject of Willow, Gus couldn’t help but notice Hunter occasionally sneaking awed glimpses at Willow. Sure, she wasn’t showing as much skin as Luz, but to Hunter, that didn’t make the slightest amount of difference. Gus made a mental note to tease Hunter about that later.

The party walked over the sandbar onto the island proper. They were lucky it was unseasonably warm for the autumn; if it hadn’t been, Gus probably would have been miserable. But as it were, he was just savoring the feel of the sunshine on him. Coming to the island was definitely a good choice. He watched the palismen chase each other with a smile on his face. Azura and Ghost, as befitting their symbionts’ relationship, seemed to be getting along especially well.

Once arriving at the beach, they set up their materials near the ocean. They’d brought chairs and a cooler filled with cool drinks and tasty snacks with them. It was an absolutely beautiful day. The sky was a stunning blue color, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

“So what sort of things do people do at beaches?” Amity asked Luz. It wasn’t that the Boiling Realm didn’t have beaches – there were a few lakes at a comfortable enough temperature to safely swim in – but it still was very uncommon for people to just go there for fun.

“Well, we could build sand castles!” Luz suggested. “I brought sand castle building equipment with me, just in case.”

Vee looked at the water with a curious expression on her face that Gus couldn’t read very well. Human facial expressions were bewildering enough, but basilisk ones were on a whole different level. “I wonder what’s down there.” She looked over at Clara and grinned at her. “Wanna find out?”

“What do you mean?” Clara asked.

Vee hopped into the water and then transformed. Gus did a double take as Vee turned into a mermaid. He couldn’t help but shudder. Despite the human lore, merfolk were savage, bloodthirsty killers who were known for luring sailors into the water and then eating them in a horribly messy, gory fashion. But Vee wouldn’t do that, Gus knew.

Clara’s mouth dropped open. Gus could swear he spotted drool on the corner of her mouth. “Whoa…”

“There are chemicals in merfolk saliva that allow people to breathe underwater,” Vee explained. “I read it in a book. If I kiss you, we could go down to the ocean floor and see what’s there.”

Camila looked skeptical. “I don’t know, Vee…it sounds risky to me.”

“Well, we won’t go down to the ocean floor, then,” Clara suggested. “But I kind of want some alone time with my awesome girlfriend.” Amity looked indignant that Clara had stolen her line. “We won’t be gone for too long.”

Camila reluctantly waved her hand in a gesture of acquiescence. Clara leaped into the water and pulled Vee in for a passionate kiss. They slipped underneath the water and soon were gone from sight. “I just hope they won’t get up to too much down there,” she muttered. “Who knew my life would get this weird?”

Luz sent the palismen into the woods to search for the treasure. More specifically, she let them get the scent of Camila’s diamond wedding ring and then sent them in search of more diamond. Gus was certain they wouldn’t find anything, but if it made Luz happy, then Gus was happy too.  

Amity and Luz proceeded to start building sandcastles, one upping each other in pursuit of the best sandcastle. Neither one of them, Gus was pretty sure, was going to be seen as an architectural genius anytime soon. Meanwhile, Willow sat down on the sand, content to watch the waves in and out. Gus sat down on one of the folding chairs and watched with a smirk on his face as Hunter walked up to her and sat next to her.

He took a scrap of paper out of his pocket and cleared his throat. His cheeks were already bright red. “Are you French?” he stammered out, reading from the paper. “Because Eiffel for you.”

Willow blinked. “What?”

“Damn it,” Hunter muttered. “No, no, hang on. I must be in a museum, because you are truly a work of art.”

Willow looked concerned. “Hunter, you’re not in a museum, you’re on a beach. Are you okay? You’re not sick again, are you?”

“No! No, that’s not what I meant!” Gus couldn’t help himself. He burst out laughing at his brother’s total lack of flirting skills. “Shut up!”

“Excuse me?” Willow asked indignantly.

“No, not you!” Hunter said, and Gus laughed even harder. Maybe he shouldn’t have been laughing at his traumatized sibling, but teasing was a normal thing for brothers to do to one another, and Hunter really needed some normality in his life. “Ugh. I should have known this was stupid.” He stalked over to the folding chair where he’d already put his backpack and proceeded to pull out a thick book on the Battle of Lexington and tune everything else out.

Willow walked over to Gus and sat down in her own folding chair next to him. “Gus…was Hunter flirting with me just now?”

Gus’s mouth dropped open. “You knew he was flirting with you? Why didn’t you flirt back?! I know you have a crush on him!”

“He is really pretty,” Willow said in a tone of voice that sounded uncannily like Amity’s when she talked about Luz. “But he’s gone through so much…”

“So doesn’t he deserve something good?” Gus retorted. “Look, if you weren’t sure he was ready, then that’d be one thing. But he wants it, you want it, why not get your act together and ask him out already?!” What was it about dating that made people into idiots? Gus just thanked his lucky stars he wasn’t interested in that sort of thing.

Willow sneaked a look over at Hunter, and then she drew herself up. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right! I’m gonna march right up to him and ask him out on a date!”

“Yeah!” Gus shouted.

“Because I’m a total badass and we both deserve to be happy!”

“Preach it!”

Willow stood up and then she got knocked to the ground by Luz, who barreled straight into her and didn’t even seem to notice it as she ran past her. The palismen had returned, and Azura was holding a box in her mouth. “Oh my gosh!” Luz called out. “Guys, I think they found it!”

Luz led the palismen over to them and set the box on the sand, a look of pure and utter excitement on her face. Gus was no expert on antiquities, but the box did look extremely old. “This is it!” she shouted. “The treasure of Captain Kidd.”

She opened the box and let out a gasp. Inside were dozens of golden bars as well as a few diamonds and red gemstones for good measure. Gus was pretty sure Camila was going to be a very rich woman. “Madre de Dios,” she breathed. “I’ve never seen so much money in my life…”

“We’re gonna buy a mansion!” Luz crowed.

Hunter reached into his backpack and everyone took a step backwards in fright as he pulled out a gun and pointed it at Camila’s chest with a rock steady hand. “Give it to me now,” he said, his voice as hard as stone.

“Hunter, sweetie, what are you doing with that thing?” Camila asked, struggling to keep her voice even. “Put it down. It’s not safe. It’s not a toy.”

Hunter fired the gun into the sand. Amity let out a shriek. “You think I don’t know that?” he shouted. “You really think I’m stupid, don’t you? Oh, I saw through your kindness, your manipulations, your lies. I know you’re evil. I’m not going to let you hurt anyone anymore. I’m not going to let you hurt my brother.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Luz said. “Hunter, you’re acting crazy. Where did you even get a gun?”

“The office of the curator of the Gravesfield Historical Society,” Hunter responded. “I went there searching for information about Caleb. I found this instead, thought it could come in handy.” He gave a grin. “Looks like I was right. The box, now, or I’ll blow your mom’s head off!”

Luz reluctantly handed over the box to Hunter, who stuffed it into his backpack. “You’re wrong about mom. I know it’s difficult to trust people after what Belos did to you…”

“Luz, you don’t have to lie anymore,” Hunter said, his voice earnest. “You don’t have to be afraid of her anymore. I can protect you. I will protect you all. You’re safe now.”

“I’m not afraid of her,” Luz protested.

Hunter sighed. “Luz. I know it’s hard to admit your mom is evil. You know very well I’ve been there. But she is evil. And if she isn’t, then why was she your worst fear? Why did Grom take her form? Why would she be so nice to me, a child she doesn’t even know, if she didn’t have a sinister plot in mind?”

Camila looked shattered by Hunter’s revelation. “You…you lied to me, lucecita?” she whispered. “You feared me? I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean to make you scared of me. Just tell me what I did wrong!”

“I wasn’t scared of you…just what you’d do if you found out I’d been lying about the Isles,” Luz explained. This matched up with the explanation she’d given her friends after they’d confronted her about her worst fear in the post-Grom celebrations.

Hunter looked like he pitied her. “You sound just like I did, Luz, trying to come up with explanations about why my uncle hurt me. I can’t help you if you’re not willing to help yourself.” He aimed the gun at Camila’s head. “I ought to shoot you where you stand. But…I can’t.” He lowered the gun. “I’m done being a soldier. I’m a protector now.”

He turned towards Gus. “I’m leaving. Come with me.” Gus’s first reaction was to say no. But if Hunter was leaving anyway, was it truly better to leave him alone? “We’ll go to a human city, sell this treasure, live like kings! Doesn’t that sound better than going to school and being bullied? We’ll find experts in interdimensional physics, get a portal built. I’ll get you home to your dad, I promise.” Hunter held out the hand not holding the gun. “Please, Gus. Please, brother.”

Gus took a deep breath. He was probably going to regret this decision. He didn’t truly believe that running away was the best option. But he had to get Hunter to come to his senses, and to do that, he needed time, and he could only get that by coming along with him. “All right,” he said softly. “Just don’t hurt anyone, and I’ll go with you.”

Camila took a step forward. “Hunter, you’re making a mistake.”

“SHUT UP!” Hunter screamed. “I won’t let you hurt them anymore, uncle!” He winced. “Just…just don’t follow us.” He stuffed the gun into his pocket, put the backpack on his back, and ran towards the parking lot.

And after just an instant of hesitation, Gus followed him.

Chapter Text

Camila didn’t understand it. She really thought she’d formed a rapport with Hunter. He had told her all his deepest secrets, for pity’s sake. He’d told her he was a grimwalker, about how Belos had treated him, so much more. She really thought she’d gotten through to him. So to learn that not only had she failed to so, but had somehow managed to convince him that she was evil was a devastating blow. Not that she could terribly blame him. Most people would have leaped to that conclusion after seeing a photograph of her as a hideous fear monster.

“Mami…” Luz said, her voice very quiet. “I’m so sorry.”

“You should be,” Camila said, not bothering to soften her tone, despite how much she wanted to. Luz needed to learn the lesson she was about to teach, and it needed to sink in deeply. “You lied to me. You not only put yourself at an insane amount of risk, but you lied about it.”

Amity stepped forward, looking indignant. “Camila, she wasn’t comfortable talking about it. It’s her worst fear – a horribly intimate thing. Can’t you understand why she wouldn’t want you to know Grom took your form?”

Camila shook her head. “This is not about that, Amity. She did not just lie by omission. She outright told me she had a different fear.” She looked over at Luz with a more gentle expression. “I would have understood if you didn’t want to tell me. I never would have made you do it. But if I am to send you back to that dangerous place – and it is a big ask, lucecita – then you can’t lie about things like that.”

She leaned down and looked Luz in the eyes. “Whatever happens, I won’t deprive you of your friends and your family. No matter what, I will not sever you from them. But you need to understand, Luz, I can only let you go back there if I can be confident you can be trusted. And right now? I’m not sure I am.” Luz looked about to cry. “Oh, sweetie. I know you probably meant well. But you meant well when you ran away too. Meaning well is not enough. Not for me. Not when your welfare is at stake.”

Camila took a few deep breaths. “All right. Let’s not panic, everyone. Hunter and Gus are just children. They won’t get very far.” Much to her dismay, everyone looked profoundly skeptical. “I’m not going to like what you’re about to say, am I?”

Willow looked at her with a trace of pity in her eyes. “The thing is, Camila…everyone looks at Hunter and they think ‘child soldier.’ But he’s not. He’s a child general. He was the right hand man of the emperor. A skilled tactician. Thanks to Gus, he has access to magic that can hide his appearance. He has more money than you could probably ever make in your life. And if he thinks Gus is in danger, he’ll kill. And it won’t have been for the first time.”

Camila groaned. “How did I end up in this situation?” She could understand where Willow was coming from. The odds were better than normal that Willow was right, but there was still a very decent chance she was not. Hunter had tactical prowess, but he was in a foreign dimension. There was a lot of things he didn’t know. With her luck, he’d probably end up getting himself arrested trying to board a train with a gun in his pocket. Or maybe even try to drive a car and crashing it.

A chirping sound interrupted her spiraling thoughts and she did a doubletake to find Flapjack flying around in front of her. “He left his palisman behind,” Amity said darkly. “That’s not a good sign.”

“Will he die if he goes too far from him?” Camila worried. She recalled that being the case with the daemons in the His Dark Materials novels, which were among Antonio’s favorites.

Amity shook her head. “I just meant, it’s bad that he’s in a mental state where he just forgot his palisman.”

Camila looked over at Flapjack. “Flapjack, dear, I know this is scary. But I don’t mean Hunter any harm. I just want to help him. Do you believe me?” The bird actually shrugged. “Do you have any idea where he’s gone?” Flapjack shook his head. “Or where he might be going?” The bird rolled his eyes. Right. He couldn’t respond. Unless…

Camila knelt down on the sand and set her cell phone down on it. She pulled up a notes app and showed Flapjack how to use the keyboard. She wasn’t sure it would work, but then Flapjack started typing. It was extraordinarily slow going, because Flapjack was literally hunting and pecking at the keys, but he was indeed able to communicate with it.

city, Flapjack reminded them. biggest he can find, blend in with crowds

“New York,” Luz said, no doubt in her voice at all. “He’ll be going to New York. It’s the only city in the Human Realm he knows – he saw it in The Avengers, remember?”

It was a good choice too, unfortunately for them. The two of them could blend in effortlessly there. Hell, they wouldn’t even need illusions there; in a big city like New York, no one would give a second glance to what they thought were two teenage cosplayers. Of course, that didn’t mean they were safe. They might get run over by a taxi, shot by a mugger, shot by a cop, who even knew what horrible fates could await them? And having the treasure chest on them wouldn’t do them any favors either. Camila had no clue how to sell the treasure, much less Hunter. All it did was put a target on their backs.

hes a soldier, has missions, Flapjack typed. mission: protect gus. problem: gus protected.

Yeah. Camila understood that. The mandate to protect Gus was probably the only thing that was preventing Hunter from breaking down completely. He compartmentalized. It was what he did. That had definitely worked for him with the Day of Unity looming on the horizon. But now that Belos was dead and the Collector was a dimension away and Gus was safe, Hunter had two choices available to him: face his emotions or invent a threat out of whole cloth. Well, partial cloth (thanks for that, Luz).

“Flapjack, do you believe I am a threat? Honestly?”

There was silence from Flapjack for quite some time, then he furiously started typing. He was getting the hang of it. charlotte thought philip wasnt a threat. she was wrong!!!

“Charlotte? Luz, who is Charlotte?” Luz shrugged. She seemed to have no clue. Camila believed her. Her lies about Grom notwithstanding, Camila knew her daughter didn’t make a regular habit of outright lying to her.

“Caleb’s wife, maybe? I guess that’d make her Hunter’s mother in a way…”

Willow looked befuddled. “What? What are you talking about, Luz? In a way? How would that not make her Hunter’s mother?”

Camila bit her lip. If Hunter hadn’t told Willow he was a grimwalker, then her telling Willow could be taken by him as a grievous breach of trust if – no, make that when – he found out. On the other hand, this could be vital information needed to talk him down. “It’s complicated,” she finally said. “Hunter told me that secret in confidence. Right now, we’re not at a point where I can see any advantage to telling you.”

Willow looked like she respected that answer. “I just want to help him. He’s so important to me.” It was a testament to the gravity of the situation that no one bothered teasing her about her ridiculously transparent crush on Hunter. “Just the thought of him all alone with Gus in a strange, unfamiliar world…”

“We are going to find him,” Camila vowed. “I’ll see if Clara’s father is willing to pitch in his resources. Maybe we could convince him Hunter going rogue would expose Vee?”

Luz shook her head frantically. “Only as the absolute last resort. I don’t want to owe him anything. He gives me a bad feeling.” Camila would trust Luz’s judgment. For now. “Mami, this is all my fault.”

“She does this all the time,” Amity said, rolling her eyes. “Blaming herself for everything. I like you a lot, Luz, but it’s kind of annoying.”

“You should listen to your very wise girlfriend, Luz,” Camila said. “If there is anyone who can be blamed for this debacle, then it is most definitely Belos. He abused Hunter. He systematically ripped away all trust Hunter felt he could place in adults. He’s the one to blame, not you.”

thank you, Flapjack typed. It took all of Camila’s willpower to not reach out and cuddle the poor palisman, who looked like he was about to burst into tears at the thought of his symbiont out there in a frenzied state. But, of course, she would not do that.

Camila picked up her cell phone and gave him a gentle smile. And then she looked at the phone and an idea leapt up into her head. A smile formed on her face. “Hunter is a very smart person, as you said, Willow. But he’s still a stranger to this realm. He doesn’t know many things…such as the fact that cell phones can be tracked.”

There was a splashing sound and a suspiciously disheveled Clara and Vee emerged from the surface of the ocean and walked back onto the beach, with Vee changing back into Luz’s form midway there. “Hi!” Clara said, her cheeks blushing a furious pink. “Did we miss anything?”

*****

Not for one second did Gus believe Camila was evil. She’d taken them in with no reward, even though it was a significant strain on her resources, simply because it was the right thing to do. But he did understand why Hunter had leapt to that conclusion, knowing his past. Altruism was most likely a foreign concept to him. And Camila had been so amazing to them while they adjusted to the Human Realm. Of course to a teen who’d only known conditional love, she would have come across as way too good to be true.

So now, Gus was faced with the extremely delicate task of trying to talk Hunter down without persuading him that he was against him too. He didn’t believe Hunter would hurt him, but that might be a moot point in the end depending on how deeply he started spiraling. Already, he’d held Camila at gunpoint, shot out her car’s tires, and nearly gotten hit by a car when he stepped out into the road to draw its attention after they’d spent several hours walking.

“What do you think you’re doing?” the driver said, getting out of the car with a furious expression on her face. Her expression immediately softened when she saw they were just children. “You have to be more careful. You could have gotten hurt.”

Hunter reached into his pocket. Thank the Titan, Gus managed to persuade him to hold back from pulling out the gun using nothing more than nonverbal communication. “We’re trying to get to New York,” Hunter said, after giving a glare to Gus. “Can you drive us there?”

“Uh, no,” the woman said, looking bewildered. “That’s, like, a hundred miles away. Why are you going there anyway? Do you have family there?”

“We’re running away from our aunt,” Gus said, hating himself for badmouthing Camila in such a manner. But it was a necessary step for gaining Hunter’s confidence. “Our dad lives in New York.”

“Maybe I should call the cops,” the woman suggested.

“NO!” Gus shouted. “There is no need for anyone – and I mean anyone, Hunter! – to do anything drastic like that.”

The woman sighed. “Okay, well…I’m on my way to New Haven anyway. I can drop you off at the train station there. From there you’re on your own.”

“What’s a –” Hunter pressed his hand over Gus’s mouth before he could say what, in retrospect, probably would have been a very incriminating sentence. “Thank you, ma’am. We won’t require anything more of you.”

So the woman let Hunter and Gus into the backseat. The woman tried to make conversation, but Hunter just gave noncommittal answers and Gus just stared out the window. Maybe this was a mistake, he worried. Maybe he should have already tried to convince Hunter that he had things wrong. Hunter may have spun a yarn of how they’d use the treasure to build a life for themselves in New York, but Gus really wasn’t sure how they’d do that. He didn’t even know where to start selling the treasure, and he knew enough about human money to know that they needed those green paper scraps, a lot of them, to start making the purchases Hunter was talking about.

Hunter had been very excited about creating a new life. No more rules, he vowed. They’d buy a house. They’d sleep in until 7:00 AM if they wanted! Maybe even have dessert once a week. Maybe even twice a week if he had the courage to be that debauched, though he warned Gus it would probably take some time before he was comfortable with the idea. And a part of Gus wanted it. He really was sick of being bullied. If it was just Gus and Hunter, if he had the slightest doubt of Camila’s integrity, maybe he’d have gone for it too. But Gus knew Hunter’s glorious new life wasn’t going to work out.

So for now, Gus was going to bide his time, build up his trust with Hunter, and, if necessary, beg on hands and knees to return. At least for the sake of…

His eyes widened in horror. “Hunter, where is Flapjack?” How did Hunter not even realize his palisman wasn’t with him? Gus had been feeling the absence of Houdini very keenly since they’d gotten separated.

“Shit,” Hunter swore. “She has him. Okay, we’re not going to panic. I’d know if he was hurt. He’s probably being used as a hostage.”

“Hostage?!” the driver said, her eyes widening in shock. “Okay, that’s it.” She pulled over on the side of the road. “I’m calling the cops.”

Hunter pulled out his gun and the bottom dropped out of Gus’s stomach as Hunter pressed the gun against his own temple. “You’re going to do no such thing,” he said, his voice utterly even and toneless. “You’re going to drive us to the train station as you originally promised. My only priority now is keeping my brother safe, not myself. If the police become involved, he won’t be.”

The woman stared at him with horror. Gus imagined his own face wasn’t looking all that more composed right now. “You…you wouldn’t.”

“He would!” Gus shouted. “This is not a joke, okay? He’s not joking. I wish he was joking. I wish that more than anything else in the world right now. But he’s not.” What was Hunter even thinking?! As much as Gus would like to think Hunter wouldn’t pull the trigger…he knew otherwise. Hunter was willing to die for his friends, and especially for Gus.

The woman reluctantly continued to drive the car into the city of New Haven. Hunter’s grip on the gun didn’t waver for a second. The buildings there were taller and the streets far more busy than Gravesfield had been. Yet if the movie they’d watched was any indication – and Gus freely admitted it could be wildly inaccurate – it paled in comparison to New York.

“Thank you so much for your help, miss,” Hunter said perkily as they pulled up in front of the train station. “I’m sorry you had to go out of your way on our account. Have a nice day!” He stuffed the gun back into his pocket and got out of the car. Gus followed him and intercepted him before he could enter the building.

“What the fuck was that about, Hunter?!” Gus snarled at him.

“Language, Gus,” Hunter said, looking shocked. “You’re twelve. You shouldn’t even know those words.”

Gus just gaped at him. “Are you…are you serious, Hunter? You threatened to kill yourself! Do you not see why that’s not freaking me out?”

Hunter looked bewildered. “Not really? I mean, I’m alive. You’re alive. We accomplished our objective. Of course I would have pulled the trigger if necessary, but it wasn’t in the end.” Gus didn’t know whether to shake Hunter or give him a hug.

Logic. He had to use logic. Right now, he didn’t want to get emotional and maybe set off Hunter. “Hunter. We want to be inconspicuous. Waving guns around isn’t inconspicuous. Right now, you know what that lady’s doing? She’s calling the police and telling her about the kids who pretty much hijacked her car and brought a gun to a major transportation hub!”

Hunter shook his head. “You’re thinking about this wrong, Gus. She’s a total stranger. Why would she care about what I did? She was going somewhere else – even if I shot up the place, she wouldn’t be affected. And now that she doesn’t have to worry about my blood getting all over her seats, it’s not her problem.”

Wow. Wow. It was hard to even begin to list all the things that were ridiculously wrong with that statement. It wasn’t just Camila’s altruism that Hunter was suspicious of. He did not genuinely believe people were capable of altruism at all. Belos had left him so cynical that he saw ulterior motives and callousness everywhere to the point where he thought a total stranger wouldn’t be bothered if he killed himself right in front of her.

“Hunter…I don’t want to lie to you,” Gus said gently. “You’re freaking me out. Look, I’m with you on this. But if I’m going to go any further with you, you need to ditch that gun. Otherwise, I’m turning around and going back to Mrs. Noceda’s house.”

Hunter pulled the gun out of his pocket and Gus couldn’t help but flinch. But Hunter just tossed it underneath a car, where it was hidden from sight. A much more sympathetic expression appeared on Hunter’s face. “Gus…I’m sorry I scared you. I really am. From now on, I’ll do my best to avoid taking any unnecessary risks, okay?”

Gus supposed that was the best he was going to get. “Okay. Hunter…I love you. You know that, right? I know you think of me as your little brother…I think of you as my big brother too.”

Hunter goggled at him. “No one’s ever said that to me before,” he muttered, and then without saying another word, he walked into the station, muttering under his breath.

Once they got inside, Gus realized that they had a slight problem: they didn’t have any money. Well, not the kind of money that would get them train tickets. It was possible they had enough treasure to buy the train station itself, but it’s not like it would do them much good right now. They’d have to sneak in. To make matters worse, the cops did indeed show up. On the bright side, Hunter saw with his own eyes that his theory had been disproven. On the not so bright side, the cops showed up.

Gus thankfully had the foresight to use illusions to make them look like employees, and adults at that, just as the cops entered the building. He would not have liked the consequences of being arrested. Camila would never forgive him, for starters. The two of them went onto the platform. The trains turned out to be rectangular metal tubes that went on tracks, presumably powered by the same things cars were.

In the end, it proved to be rather simple to get on the train. No one paid them a second glance. The two of them found empty seats, dropped their illusions, and they were off and running. It was pretty cool to watch the scenery at first, but it got boring fast. When the employees came around to check people’s tickets, Hunter and Gus sneaked off to the bathroom and then emerged with their illusions back. They started checking other people’s tickets and then when they were confident they were clear, repeated the process to change back to their normal form.

“I have to admit, I’m a little excited,” Gus said, as the train went through the outskirts of New York, and then through Manhattan island itself. “I wonder if we can see where they filmed Stark Tower! That sounds awesome!”

“You name it, we can do it, Gus,” Hunter said, leaning back in his seat, his face exuding total confidence. “Everything we’ve ever wanted, it’s within reach. No one’s gonna tie us down anymore. We’re free.”

“I wanna go home,” Gus admitted. “I mean, I miss my dad. I know you don’t understand what it’s like to have family who loves you…”

Gus winced, but Hunter didn’t look especially bothered. “Yeah. It must be nice,” he said, his tone wistful. He looked Gus straight in the eyes. “You saw his memories. Belos.”

Gus had. It was the worst experience he’d ever had in his life. The sheer unyielding hatred, the unhinged fanaticism, the complete unwillingness of Belos to consider for a single second that he was in the wrong about anything, it made Gus want to take a shower even thinking about it. And he’d seen things no one should see. Manipulations. Murders. So much more. He expected Hunter to ask if Belos loved him. But instead, he asked, “Did he kill him?”

Gus nodded. “He was out of his mind. He kept on ranting about how Caleb was being possessed by someone named Charlotte. An evil spirit of some kind, Philip thought. Philip, he pretended he was persuaded by Caleb’s pleas, and then he stabbed him in the back.” Hunter just looked like he had expected this. “He thought he was doing his brother a favor. Sending his soul to heaven. How messed up is that? Don’t…don’t let him get to you, Hunter. Please.”

Hunter just gave a noncommittal humming sound and proceeded to stare out the window. Gus followed suit. “He didn’t love you,” Gus said, after several very awkward minutes had passed. “At least not from the memories I saw. He thought you’d be Caleb. But you’re not. You’re Hunter. I’m sorry.”

“I loved him,” Hunter said, his voice quiet and ashamed. “I still do. How messed up is that? Huh? There’s something seriously wrong with me that I love a man who tried to commit genocide.”

“He was your only family,” Gus said gently. “He isn’t anymore. You have a family who loves you now. Don’t forget that.”

Hunter gave a smile at that. “We’re going to save them,” he decided. “Once we’re set up here, we’ll assemble evidence, get Mrs. Noceda tossed in jail. And then once we return to the Boiling Isles, she’ll never get anywhere near us again.” He peered at Gus. “You still don’t believe me, do you?”

Gus shook his head. Why lie? “But I’m here anyway, because I care about you.” Hunter turned his head abruptly. Gus thought he spotted tears at the corner of Hunter’s eyes. “I’m gonna be honest: I think you’re being super paranoid. And you’re kind of spiraling out of control, and it’s scaring me. But, Hunter, I’m here. I’m not going back. If you don’t feel safe going back, then we’re not going back.”

“Thanks, man,” Hunter said. “I know I can always rely on you to have my back.”

*****

Hunter was not truly expecting very much from New York. Yes, he’d seen it to be a magnificent city, far beyond the scope of anything anyone in the Boiling Isles could ever envision, in that movie. But that had been a work of fiction. Aliens weren’t real. (Well, technically speaking, he kind of was one, but that wasn’t the point.) The Tesseract wasn’t real. The Hulk wasn’t real. And he wasn’t expecting the magnificent wonders of New York to be real either.

But the instant he stepped off the train and into Grand Central Station, he realized he’d been wrong, and for once, the truth was stranger than fiction. Grand Central lived up to its name. Hunter couldn’t help but just gape at the vast columns, at the ceiling painted to look like the night sky, at the huge clock atop the information desk. He knew it made him look conspicuous, but he couldn’t help it to save his life. Gus, at his side as always, wasn’t much better.

“So what’s the plan, Hunter?” Gus asked. Hunter’s heart melted a little at the utterly trusting look on Gus’s face. Yes, Gus thought he was out of his mind, but he still was loyal to his big brother. That was not something Hunter was going to treat cavalierly. He would be the multiverse’s best brother. Even better than Caleb ever was, that’s for sure.

“The plan is simple,” Hunter extemporized. “So simple, its obviousness makes it unobvious.”

“You don’t have one, do you?”

Hunter shook his head. “Well, not a detailed one, anyway. Our first order of business has to be selling these objects. For now, they’re just a security risk. The last thing we need right now is to be robbed. There must be museums around here. It’s such a huge city.”

Gus pointed at the information desk. “Well, that sounds like a good place to start.”

After asking the worker at the information desk, the two of them found out about a museum called the Metropolitan Museum of Art, about two miles to the north, near a huge park. That was a long way away, but Hunter had gone through much worse in his time than a two mile walk with his brother at his side.

The streets of New York were positively incredible. The buildings all around Hunter stretched up into the sky, as if they were scraping it. These skyscrapers, as Hunter termed them in his head, were absolutely enthralling to Gus. Hunter had to drag him away multiple times from a particularly fascinating looking building. Time was of the essence. No doubt New York had its fair share of rapscallions lurking about. The more time he spent with the treasure in his backpack, the greater the chance he had of losing it to some scoundrel.

Hunter noticed people looking at them occasionally as they walked past. They didn’t attract too much attention, but even a little bit of attention wasn’t good, especially if the cops in New Haven were in contact with the ones in New York. Once he noticed a policeman looking at him as if he was trying to figure out if he recognized him, Hunter decided that new security measures needed to be taken, so he took Gus into an alleyway.

“We need disguises,” he said. “Adult humans, preferably, so no one wonders what a bunch of kids are doing wandering around the streets.”

Gus raised his hand, but then Hunter grabbed it. He had no idea what possessed him to say what he said next, but he said it anyway. Perhaps, in a way, he’d always wanted to say it. “Wait. For an extra layer of security, you should make me look like a woman. They’re looking for two boys, not a man and a woman.”

Gus gave him a curious expression. “You sure that’s all it is?”

“Yes,” Hunter lied, shifting uncomfortably. Gus nodded, though Hunter wasn’t sure whether or not he believed him. He cast the spell. Gus looked just like Mr. Porter with round ears. Hunter walked over to a window where he could see his reflection and let out a gasp.

She he looked absolutely amazing. A stunning, muscular blond woman who looked like she could crush any enemy in her path. A warrior. A huntress. And looking at that woman, Hunter realized in a panic that he wanted to be her. He wanted that more than anything else in the entire world.

“Hunter,” Gus said urgently. “Are you okay, bro?” Hunter shrugged. “…Sis?”

It was like there was a burning sensation in Hunter’s mind. The word felt so attractive, in the sense that it was drawing Hunter towards it, yet each time he reached out for it, it was like it burned his metaphorical hand. “I…don’t know,” he whispered. “Not now. Not here. Not yet.”

Gus looked like he knew exactly what was going on in Hunter’s head. “Okay. There’s no rush. Just know, whatever you end up as, I’ll support you one hundred percent. Whether you’re my brother or my sister. You’re still Hunter. I mean, unless you want a different name, of course.”

Hunter didn’t know what he’d ever done to deserve such an amazing brother as Gus, and he meant that quite literally. Sure, he’d turned against Belos in the end, but only after many years of total, unquestioning obedience. He’d killed dozens of people personally, been directly responsible for quite a bit more, and indirectly responsible for who knows how much more than that. He’d merrily assisted Belos on his quest to kill everyone. It was only thanks to King, not Hunter, that Belos failed.

“Do you think it’s possible to just…become a woman? Just like that?” Hunter said, his voice nearly a whisper.

“Sure,” Gus said, blinking. “It’s totally a thing in the Demon Realm. It just takes some potions to change, perfectly normal. He told you it wasn’t, didn’t he?” Hunter just nodded. “I don’t know if that’s a thing in the Human Realm, but I guarantee you, even if it isn’t, Luz will be totally chill with it.”

“I can’t make this decision right now,” Hunter decided. “It’s just too much to handle.”

“Hey, no, I get that,” Gus said with a thumb’s up. “But if I said this is Huntress, my awesome sister, how would that make you feel?”

Hunter shuddered. “No,” he said. “But to the Huntress part. It just feels like…a title. Hunter’s a normal name, even if it kind of was a title. But Huntress? No.”

“Oh, okay. So this is…Natasha, my awesome sister, then. She’s the most awesome sister a guy can have. How does that make you feel?”

It felt awesome, if Hunter was going to be perfectly honest. Natasha was definitely not the right name for him, but just hearing those different pronouns and Gus referring to him as his sister just felt right. “Not too bad,” he admitted. “But I’m still not ready, Gus. Maybe later. But not now.”

“I’ll be here whenever you are,” Gus promised, and the two of them started walking again.

A couple blocks in, the two of them spotted a building that was very different in style to the buildings around it. It bore a greater resemblance to the emperor’s castle than any of the buildings Hunter had seen in New York so far, though the resemblance wasn’t anywhere close to exact. A sign said it was St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Hunter didn’t have the slightest clue what a cathedral was. “Can we check that place out?” Gus asked, giving his best puppy Cerberus eyes. “Please? It looks interesting!”

Hunter’s first instinct was to say no, but Gus had been so helpful in helping Hunter through the strange and unfamiliar new feelings he was feeling about his female disguise. A little bit of sightseeing wouldn’t exactly kill them, would it? It wasn’t as if people were actively hunting them that Hunter knew of. Anyway, how could he say no to that face?

So the two of them went in the building. A cathedral turned out to be a religious building, like the churches set up to worship the Titan in Bonesborough. (The churches that, in retrospect, had been nothing more than tools to further Belos’s cult.) It certainly was an extraordinary building, much more ornate than the churches back at Bonesborough.

While Gus gaped in awe at the surroundings, going all around the main hall and goggling at every single sight, Hunter sat down on a bench and read through a book with the title of the Bible, which appeared to be some sort of religious text. He looked at random pages. There were tons of names he didn’t recognize and the whole book appeared to be quite disorganized. And then he looked at a sentence that made him almost throw up.

Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

This was the book that made Belos think he had to kill everyone in the Demon Realm, Hunter realized a second later. Belos was a fanatic, and he thought he was acting on behalf of the god the people in this building worshipped! The thought almost made Hunter scream and run out of the building, but he steadied his breathing.

He wasn’t in danger, and he only had to read a few verses onwards to realize why. The verse read Ye shall not afflict any widow, or fatherless child. How many widows and fatherless children had Belos hurt? Tried to kill? Actually killed? Thousands, maybe even much more. He certainly hurt the fatherless child that was Hunter. Belos had just been carefully picking verses from the Bible to justify his hatred, ignoring anything that could have told him he was wrong.

Belos was no more a true disciple of the god these people worshipped than he was of the Titan.

Hunter was left with a bone wearying tiredness deep in his soul. All Belos had to do was read a few more lines, and he would never have become the man he was. He never would have hurt Hunter. He never would have made Hunter, either, but still. Hunter stood up and put a hand on Gus’s shoulder. “Let’s go,” he said softly.

The two of them continued walking for a long while. Eventually, they reached the massive park called Central Park and started walking through it. Willow would have adored it. The amount of flora around was just incredible. There was a huge diversity of plant species. She would have been in paradise.

“Ooh, look, it’s a zoo!” Gus said, bouncing up and down on his feet. “Hunter, we could see a giraffe!”

Hunter shuddered instinctively. Everything he’d heard about the giraffes had indicated that they were a race of bloodthirsty, soul sucking creatures with powers scarcely imaginable. Granted, this had come from Belos approved texts, so it could all be just a gigantic lie like so much of history was. But Hunter wasn’t ready to take any chances yet. “Another time. We don’t want to see everything right away, do we?” Gus sulked for a while, but it was clear he could see the wisdom of Hunter’s argument.  

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of walking, they reached the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It certainly lived up to its reputation, in Hunter’s opinion, judging by the phenomenally elegant exterior. They used the same technique they used to sneak onto the train to get into the museum proper. This time around, Gus used an illusion of a male adult on Hunter, and Hunter tried his best, but failed, to ignore the profound sense of disappointment he felt at the loss of his female form.

Inside, the building was just as palatial, if not more so, than the cathedral had been. After stepping into a restroom to get rid of their disguises, Hunter and Gus approached the front desk. Hunter summoned all the confidence he was able to have with his mask on and nodded at the receptionist. “Good afternoon,” he said politely. “We have a cache of treasure we wish to sell to the museum. It belonged to a pirate named Captain Kidd. We found it buried on Charles Island, Connecticut.”

The receptionist blinked. “Is this a prank?”

Hunter furrowed his brow. “If it was, do you think we’d tell you? I mean, would we have gone to all this trouble just to abandon our deception at the first post? It would be a pretty poor prank if that was the case, in my opinion.”

Gus cleared his throat. “It’s not a prank.” He opened up Hunter’s backpack and put the treasure chest on the counter. The receptionist blinked repeatedly. Hunter didn’t expect her to be an expert in antiquities, but clearly, she could tell that the box was very old.

“Where are your parents?” the receptionist demanded.

“Is that germane?” Hunter responded coolly. “We are negotiating in good faith, and I want the money to be paid directly to me, in paper.”

“You’re just kids,” the receptionist protested. “We can’t just hand over…” She opened the chest and let out a squeak. “Millions of dollars! We can’t hand over that much money to you just like that. Not without your parents.”

Hunter shook his head sadly and put the box back in his backpack. “Very disappointing. I expected better from such a highly regarded museum. Good day to you, madam.”

He turned around, leaving the receptionist to splutter ineffectually, and he walked over to the doors and they opened, and Luz was standing in front of him. She put up her hands in a gesture of surrender. “Hi, Hunter,” she said. “Don’t shoot me. I just want to talk.”

Hunter sighed. He should have known he could never escape. “Okay, Luz. Let’s talk.”

*****

Despite everyone’s protestations to the contrary, Luz knew that Hunter’s actions were all her fault. If she’d been honest with her mami, if she hadn’t deleted those photos in a panic, if she’d even tried to explain them to Hunter after she deleted them, he wouldn’t have run off and put Gus at risk.

And the situation was getting pretty grave. The police in New Haven were looking for an armed blond teenager who hijacked someone’s car and if that wasn’t Hunter, then Luz was a monkey’s uncle. Thank God they didn’t have anything more than a vague description to go on.

At least Mami had been able to track Hunter and Gus’s phones. Hunter may have been paranoid to a fault, but he couldn’t try to act against something he didn’t even know about. Luz knew that scroll technology wasn’t sophisticated enough for the government to track them, so there was no doubt having his phone tracked wouldn’t have occurred to him.

They ended up having to call Mr. MacKinnon and get a ride in what turned out to be an armored van. Luz wasn’t sure what the van usually carried and she didn’t want to know. Mr. MacKinnon’s driver drove like a total maniac, going at absurd speeds, and the one time they were stopped by a cop, he just gave a business card to him, the cop called the number, and then he practically tripped over his own feet to let them go.

The end result was that they ended up in New York in record time. And once they got there, they found they had an advantage over Hunter and Gus: Luz knew about public transit and the subway, but Hunter and Gus were walking. As a result, they were able to effortlessly beat them to their destination, which Luz surmised was going to be the Met. If she had a treasure chest full of historical artifacts, she’d go to a history museum to sell them.

And now she was here, with Hunter looking as if Luz was going to kill him and he’d totally resigned himself to that fate. It was a sadly common expression on her friend’s face. She was glad she had the foresight to make sure her family stayed behind while she went to talk to Hunter alone. She led the two of them into a less traveled exhibit and they all sat down on a bench.

“I’ve been so worried about you guys!” Luz said.

“We’ve been perfectly safe,” Hunter assured her, his voice calm and steady. Luz looked over at Gus to see if he was telling the truth. Gus gave a so-so gesture. Well, the two of them looked uninjured, so Luz wouldn’t press Hunter for the whole truth for now. “If anything, I should be worried about you.” He sighed. “Luz, I’m so sorry.”

Luz brightened. Hunter had come to his senses all on his own! “I just ran away in a blind panic, and I left you, my own friend, who helped me break from Belos’s thrall, in the hands of her abuser.” Or maybe he’d just gone to a whole new level of crazy. “That was a craven, dishonorable move on my part, and I hope one day, you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Luz closed her eyes. How on earth was she ever going to break through to him? The only thing to be done was to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, and hope against hope it would work. “Hunter, do you know what coming out means?”

Hunter shook his head. Gus looked equally confused. “Well, I’m bisexual. It means I like two or more genders.”

“Wait, you have a name for that?” Hunter said. “That’s just…normal. It’d be like having a name for having brown eyes or gold eyes.”

“And you are 100% right, my friend,” Luz said fervently. “But unfortunately, here in the Human Realm, people are illogical dickheads, and a lot of times, people like me are hurt or even killed because of who they like.”

“What does this have to do with anything?” Hunter wondered.

“I’m getting there,” Luz promised. “Coming out is telling the people in your life you have a different sexuality or gender identity or whatever.” Hunter’s head tilted a little. “It’s insanely terrifying, because you never know how someone’s gonna react. People you thought were good might turn against you. So about two years ago, I was getting ready to come out to my mom. And Hunter, I was petrified. My mind kept on making up horrible worst case scenarios! Things like getting kicked out of the house, her trying to kill me, stuff like that.”

Gus shuddered. “I guarantee you,” Luz went on, “that if I’d fought Grom right that moment, it’d turn into Mami as the world’s biggest homophobe. I knew it wasn’t based on reality. I knew Mami loved me. But I was still petrified. You know what happened, though? I told her, and she was okay with it. She swore to me she’d love me no matter what and she told me how proud she was of me for having the courage to come out to her.”

“You still haven’t said why this is relevant,” Hunter reminded her.

“Fear, Hunter, doesn’t always have anything to do with reality,” Luz explained. “When Grom turned into Mami, it wasn’t because I knew she’d hate me for not telling her about the Isles. It was because I feared she would…and because I thought I deserved it.” She looked him in the eyes. “Mami is not a bad person. She’s not a monster. She loves me. And, Hunter, she loves you too.”

“But why?!” Hunter shouted so loudly that they got disapproving glares from the patrons around them. “I don’t understand it,” he said much more quietly. “I’m not even real.”

Luz smacked him across the face. Hunter looked at a loss for words. “Don’t you ever say that again,” she hissed. “You are real. You are a living, breathing person with a consciousness and a will. You are alive, you are ridiculously annoying, and you are Hunter Porter. Don’t you forget that.” She squeezed Hunter’s hand. “I know this is scary. I know it’s hard to believe someone can care about you. But Mami isn’t a bad person. She’s not. She could have kicked me out when I came back after I hurt her so much – hell, a part of me wouldn’t blame her – but she didn’t.”

She took out her cell phone. “I want to call her, bring her and the rest of your family in here. But I’ll only do that if you’re comfortable, Hunter. I’m not going to force you to do anything. If you want to make your new life with Gus, then…then I won’t stop you if it’s what you really want. But you need someone who loves you. You need Mami.”

Hunter looked over at Gus frantically. “What do I do?” he said softly.

“Luz is right,” Gus said immediately. “And you know it. You’ve known it all along.”

Hunter sighed. “Make the call. Before I change my mind.”

Luz made the call, and a few minutes later, Mami, Willow, Vee, and Clara walked into the room. Hunter looked particularly ashamed to see Willow, but Willow just gave him a gentle, forgiving smile. No one was angry at him. They just wanted him to be safe. “Hunter, I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression you were anything less than perfectly safe at my house,” Mami said. “If you have any concerns, you can talk to me about them in the future, and I’ll listen.”

“How do I know I can trust you?” Hunter asked desperately. “How do I know you’re not like Belos?!”

“Because I’m going to do something that Belos never did, Hunter,” Mami said immediately. “I’m going to give you a choice. You can go back with me. Or I can call Mr. Pines and have you set up with a foster family in Gravity Falls, all the way on the other side of the country, far away from me. We’ll contact you when we make contact with the Demon Realm. It’s your decision.”

Hunter was silent for a long while. Then he looked over at Gus. “You still have Adrian’s mirror?” he asked. Gus nodded. “If you use it to look through Mrs. Noceda’s memories and make sure there’s nothing malevolent in there, I’ll go back with her. Otherwise, I’m going to Gravity Falls.”

Gus looked over at Mami. “It’s not going to take too long. I’ll be gentle. But it’s totally your choice.”

Mami didn’t hesitate for a single second. “Do it.”

Gus activated the mirror and his eyes glowed light blue. Thank God, no one saw anything, but Luz realized a few seconds in that if they had, it would have been very hard to explain away. About a minute later, his eyes returned to his normal color. “She’s clean, Hunter. She just wants you to be happy.”

Hunter’s face was utterly impassive for about fifteen seconds, and then he burst into tears. “I’m sorry,” he said between tears. “I’m so sorry. You must hate me.”

“Never,” Mami vowed. “Are you in major trouble for running away, shooting my tires, and taking a woman hostage? Oh, yeah.”

“I never took her hostage,” Hunter argued. “I took myself hostage. That was a misinterpretation on her part.”

Mami’s eyes widened. “That’s…really not that much better, Hunter. It’s actually worse in a few ways. We’re going to talk about that later, I assure you. But as I was saying, you are in major trouble. You’re grounded, we’re going to have you do some of the dirtier chores around the house, and you’re going to write an essay on what you’ve done and why it was wrong. But I don’t hate you for it, because I know you had good intentions and were just scared.”

Hunter looked as if the idea of not being hated for screwing up wasn’t computing. Luz felt terrible for him. But she knew that would change in time. He’d get used to having a family who loved him. She knew he would. “Thanks for coming after me,” Hunter said finally. “I missed you.”

“Well, we missed you too,” Mami said. “And we’re not the only ones!” She opened up her purse and Flapjack flew out. Hunter’s grin looked so wide Luz feared for a few seconds it would split his face open. “He loves you a lot, Hunter. So do we all. Don’t ever forget that.”

“I don’t think I will,” Hunter said, and he looked happier than Luz had seen him in…ever. She knew that wouldn’t last – in time, there’d be more happy expressions on his face than the one he was wearing. Luz would make sure of that.

Chapter Text

Since they’d returned from New York, things had been blessedly quiet. Too quiet, in Amity’s opinion. She kept on waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it would seem that wasn’t going to happen. Hunter had apologized over and over again for going off the deep end and thrown himself into doing all sorts of chores around the house (after Camila had flat out forbidden him from using corporal punishment on himself). 

Camila didn’t end up grounding Hunter after all, after realizing that keeping him cooped up inside the house was just causing his mental state to deteriorate further. Instead, she was ensuring he would keep busy experiencing the Human Realm and the various things it had to offer, to familiarize himself further with what might be his new home. Vee’s friends had been superbly helpful in that respect. They’d given him a crash course on all sorts of human things. Even Luz’s lessons paled in comparison to theirs. They may not have liked Reality Check Camp very much, but as Vee had proved amply, it had sure given a good idea of what one needed to do to be seen as a normal human.

As for herself, Amity decided to get more involved in extracurriculars at her school. She’d been involved in several back at Hexside. Granted, they’d all been at the order of Mother, and Amity didn’t exactly enjoy her time there, but it was something familiar to her, and she had a yearning for familiar things after so much time trapped in a familiar land. So Amity joined the Gay Straight Alliance. She liked math, after all, and she was curious about this club that, by the sound of its name, encouraged enthusiasm (gay meant happy, right?) about geometry, though she hoped they’d be working with other angles than 180 degree ones.

Amity tried her best to make sense of what was going on in the first meeting, but everything sailed over her head. She didn’t understand what terms like transgender or demiromantic, for example, had to do with math. Where were the obtuse angles? The cosines? The geometric means? Had Amity just gotten suckered? Was this all some sort of elaborate prank?

Amity had really wanted to keep her head down and not ask any questions, in the hope that things would start making more sense soon, but as she got more and more bewildered, she realized that she’d have to try to figure out what was going on, or she’d end up making a fool of herself.

“Excuse me,” Amity said, her voice sounding much more timid than she was used to. You are a Blight! Act like one! a voice that sounded uncomfortably like Mother echoed in her head. “I…I’m really sorry, but I don’t understand what’s happening here? It’s probably my fault. We probably do things differently in Gravity Falls. But…nothing you’ve said makes any sense at all.” She floundered for an example. “Like…what’s a Florida and why would they have outlawed people talking about being happy in school?”

Everyone stared at her as if she’d grown a second hand. “I don’t know what’s more disturbing – if you think that’s funny or if you’re serious,” Eddie, the leader of the club, said eventually.

Amity put up her hands in a defensive motion. “I’m serious! Nothing you’ve said makes any sense at all! I thought this was a math club, but there’s all this obtuse language – pun unintended – and, uh, I just don’t get it!”

Now everyone was looking at her with pity and no small manner of alarm. “You…no one told you what being gay means? Or the states?”

“Like the United States!” Amity shouted, relieved to finally have something that made sense that she could latch onto. “A state must be a subdivision, like a province, right? So Florida is one of them….and Connecticut is another!” Amity was so proud of herself for having figured this out. By the looks on everyone’s faces, this wasn’t as impressive of an achievement as Amity had thought it was.

“Amity,” a girl said, her voice very gentle yet somewhat panicked, as if Amity might explode if handled the wrong way, “how exactly were you raised?”

Amity scowled. She had no desire to talk about her childhood with these complete strangers, even if doing so hadn’t run a risk of blowing her cover. “I’m not stupid, you know. I’m not! I’m doing very well in my classes and getting good grades!”

“No one’s saying you were,” Eddie said firmly. “Amity, you know how a lot of girls like guys, you know, romantically?” Amity rolled her eyes. As previously stated, she wasn’t stupid. “Well, sometimes girls like other girls that way. Or guys like other guys that way. Or people like more than one gender. Or nobody at all.”

Amity blinked a couple of times. “Oh. Yeah, I know that. I just like girls myself. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Lucia Noceda is my girlfriend.” Amity couldn’t help but grin a little at saying that. She’d been keeping her relationship with Luz somewhat on the down low at Hexside so word wouldn’t leak back to Mother.

This only seemed to deepen the confusion. “So…you weren’t taught that homosexuality is a sin?”

“What is homosexuality and why would it be a sin?” Amity asked. “And you haven’t answered the question of exactly what this club is about.”

Eddie cleared his throat. “Well, this club is a place where people of minority sexualities and gender orientations – as well as their straight allies; people who like those of the opposite gender – can have a safe space to get together, discuss LGBT issues, and try to increase awareness.”

Amity tilted her head. “Why wouldn’t other spaces be safe?”

“Because…of homophobia?” a boy said. “I really find it difficult to believe you aren’t pranking us.”

Homophobia. Yes, Amity recalled Camila mentioning that word before, as well as Gus’s mention of people hating humans who dated those of the same gender. “No, I know that word! It’s when people fear people who are with those of the same gender.” She felt very proud of herself for remembering that. She was getting somewhere. “Well, people can have some irrational fears. My girlfriend is afraid of human souls trapped in cat bodies. And no, it makes no sense to me either.”

“Homophobia isn’t about people fearing LGBT people,” the boy responded. “It’s about them hating us.”

In all honesty, Luz’s decision to abandon the Human Realm, maybe even temporarily, was starting to make a lot more sense now. Mother may well have been prejudiced in a wide variety of ways, but neither she nor anyone else Amity knew of in the Demon Realm had a problem with people in same sex relationships. Indeed, while Amity had feared being forced into a marriage with someone she didn’t love, the idea it wouldn’t be with a woman had never occurred to her. Why would it? The gender of her partner was irrelevant to bearing an heir to the Blight name.

If Luz had thought she’d become an outcast (or more of one) because people knew she liked boys and girls, then it was no wonder the Boiling Isles, where there was none of this homophobia, would appeal to her. And, Amity realized in a flash of insight, Luz had probably faced homophobia herself! Hadn’t she said she might be made fun of again when they’d ridden in the tunnel of love together?

“Well, I think that’s a silly thing to hate someone for,” Amity responded to the boy’s earlier comment. “People can’t help how they’re made.” There was an array of approving nods. “So if this is a club to educate people…can you start by educating me?”

The next hour or so was extremely enlightening. Amity learned all about all manner of terms. She herself was apparently something called a lesbian, whereas Luz was likely something called bisexual (or possibly pansexual; Amity would have to ask her girlfriend later). Gus, who had expressed discomfort with the idea of dating anyone, was likely asexual. And according to Gus’s accounts of his trip to New York and how Hunter reacted to the female disguise Gus placed on him, Hunter could very well have been transgender. Though Amity knew now was not a good time to bring that up.

Amity also learned a lot about homophobia and how it had made the lives of members of the LGBT community a living hell, and sometimes flat out resulted in their deaths. It was a chilling thing to realize that even in different parts of the United States, she could put herself seriously at risk by openly advertising her lesbian status.

By the end of the meeting, the suspicion that the club members felt that Amity was tricking them seemed to have dissipated completely. Indeed, they felt a certain protectiveness (perhaps overprotectiveness) towards her, calling her a precious cinnamon roll, whatever that meant. It felt nice. Amity could see herself becoming friends with some of these people.

When Amity returned home, bearing a T-shirt with a flag that represented lesbians, she had rarely seen Luz look more excited. “OH MY GOSH!” she shouted. “YOU LOOK SO AMAZING! Way to embrace your identity!”

“Thanks,” Amity said. In truth, she really didn’t feel much connection to the idea of being lesbian as a part of her identity. To her, it was just something that was perfectly normal. But if Luz liked it, then Amity was happy. “How’s things been going with your storytelling?”

As a condition of allowing Luz to return to the Isles, Camila had ordered her to tell the whole story of her time there. Luz was allowed to avoid telling Camila things, if she was forthright about not wanting to talk about them, but if she was caught in even one outright lie again, she would be forbidden from returning.

Camila had probably thought it would be a punishment, but if so, that was a very naïve viewpoint, because if there was one thing Luz had loved, it was telling stories. So far, she had invoked her right to not speak of only her first visit to Hexside and the duel between her and Amity, and only because they painted Amity in a bad light. Amity had privately told Camila those stories, unbeknownst to Luz, afterwards. For the crimes of almost getting Luz dissected and trying to force her to give up magic, Amity had gotten hit in the face with a kind of a shoe called a chancla. In her opinion, that punishment was more than fair.

“I’m just about to talk about that grudgby match we had with Boscha!” Luz responded to Amity’s earlier question. “You can sit in!”

Amity gave a nervous laugh. The idea of her embarrassing behavior being exposed to Camila wasn’t exactly one she was comfortable with, to say the least. But she was willing to do a lot worse in order to ensure Luz could return to the Boiling Isles. At any rate, it wasn’t much worse than a lot of other people would have done in her shoes. It wasn’t anywhere near as bad as nearly getting Luz dissected.

It was just Luz, Amity, and Camila in the house right now. Vee and Clara were out on a date, Willow was still at school at a chess club, and Gus and Hunter were at the library. It was really a relief. The house was very cramped, and Amity was looking forward to moving into a new one. While Hunter’s actions could be charitably described as deranged, his decision to try to sell the treasure to the Met had actually been a good one, in Camila’s opinion. She was now negotiating with the museum personally and she was confident they’d reach an agreement soon. When they did, she intended to sell her house and move to a bigger one.

Amity had felt guilty for forcing Camila to move into a new house, but Camila had assured her she’d always wanted to move into a more spacious house, but her finances had never permitted it. She was looking for a four bedroom home: one for Camila, one for Luz and Vee, one for Gus and Hunter, and one for Willow and Amity. When they returned home (or if, a traitorous voice whispered in Amity’s head), Luz and Vee would take separate bedrooms and the fourth bedroom would be used as a guest room.

Amity followed Luz into her bedroom, where she promptly proceeded to sit on a chair. Camila was already there, lying on the top bunk. Amity stood awkwardly for a few seconds, before climbing into the bottom bunk.

“So I like to call this episode of my life ‘Wing It Like Witches!’” Luz said. She’d divided her storytelling segments into “episodes” bearing names like “I Was a Teenage Abomination” or “Hooty’s Moving Hassle.” Amity took some solace in the fact that Camila was just as bewildered as she was. “Now this, this episode is where Amity really starts to shine!”

Huh? Was Luz remembering the same sequence of events she was? “I really made a fool of myself,” she said. “You don’t need to embellish to make me look good.”

“Mija,” Camila said warningly. “Remember what I told you about lying. I know you want to make Amity shine, but if it’s not an accurate representation of events…”

Luz waved her hands around frantically. “No, no, no! Amity was awesome! She stood up to her former friends to protect Willow! I remember her words exactly. ‘You know, I used to be like you, Boscha, obsessed with status, challenging my competition. But I grew up. When will you?’”

Amity gave a fond smile, but she also felt a bit sad. She hadn’t liked Boscha too much, but the triclops had been a part of her life for years. And she wasn’t entirely bad. She hoped one day, Boscha would change. She’d like to be a real friend with Boscha one day. But that would only happen after Boscha changed her bullying ways. “Yes, that happened,” Amity confirmed. “Luz and I were thinking of different incidents.”

“And Amity helped me take down Boscha in a grudgby match!” Luz went on. “And she was sick the whole time!”

Amity blinked a couple of times. She most certainly had not been. “Luz, that’s a lie,” she said sternly. “I wasn’t sick.”

Luz looked befuddled. “But…but your cheeks…you kept on blushing? And you looked really frantic. And when I picked you up after you broke your leg, you were so delirious you didn’t even know your own name!”

Amity groaned. On the bright side, by the snickers she was struggling to suppress, Camila seemed to have divined the true cause of Amity’s “condition.” On the not so bright side, she suspected there was much teasing in her future.

“Why don’t you tell the whole story, sweetie, and we’ll see if we can clear things up?” Camila said in a tone of voice that could only be called diabolical.

Luz launched into a play by play account of the events. While scrupulously accurate, at least with regard to the parts Amity had been present for, it was definitely done in a uniquely Luzian fashion. She’d even written her own theme song for her storytelling and hummed it after Amity had delivered that sick burn, Amity was pretty sure the parlance went, to Boscha. It also included something called a training montage, which made absolutely no sense to Amity.

“And then Amity went ‘oh, wow, sports,’” Luz finished. “And we did another training montage, and we all had a post game party in the Owl House! And that’s the end of that episode. So, you see, she was totally sick and she’s just saying otherwise because she’s embarrassed.”

Camila had been struggling to hold back laughter for a while, but now she lost the battle and broke out into full blown guffaws. Amity scowled. Was it too much to ask to give her a little dignity? “I think…I think you’re half-right, Luz,” she said after she’d finally gotten back her composure. “I think she was sick. Lovesick, to be precise!”

Luz’s mouth dropped open. “What…what do you mean?”

“Well, you know she had a crush on you then, right?” Camila went on. Luz looked like she still had difficulty comprehending this concept, but she nodded. “Well, think about how she reacted. You, her crush, picked her up and carried her in a bridal style fashion. No wonder she lost her composure!”

“On a team with me…running around in cute uniforms…sweating,” Luz muttered, and then her eyes widened. “OH MY GOD. That’s exactly how I was acting around Clara last year!” Amity’s fists clenched instinctively at the mention of Luz’s former crush. “I’m so dumb for not seeing that!”

“You’re not dumb!” Amity shouted. “I won’t let you put yourself down like that. Remember, I was the one trying to hide my crush. I should have told you! It’s my fault you didn’t know, because I never told you, not yours.” Luz looked skeptical. “Luz, it’s okay you didn’t get it. It really is. And…to be honest with you, it was probably for the best. Mother tried to kill you because we were friends – what do you think she’d have done if we were girlfriends?”

Camila let out a gasp. “What?! Amity’s mother tried to kill you?! Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

“We’re doing this chronologically, remember?” Luz reminded her. “That’s the second episode of the second season of my story, ‘Escaping Expulsion.’ We still have the two part season finale to get through. And another time, too…I’m gonna need everyone here to help support me for that.”

Camila couldn’t help but shudder. She climbed down from the bunk bed and put a hand on Luz’s shoulder. “Well, thank you once again for telling your story to me. I know it’s not easy, especially since not all of it puts the Isles in a good light.” She clapped her hands. “So! I was thinking the two of us could go out to get some ice cream, just a mother daughter thing. Can you look after the house while we’re gone, Amity?”

Amity nodded. “I won’t let you down, Camila.”

Once Luz and Camila were out of the house, Amity went downstairs and did her homework on the couch, a luxury she was unused to back at home. She was never allowed to use the couches for anything less than proper social occasions. The doorbell rang, and Amity ignored it. The others had keys and it was probably just someone selling potions or the human equivalent door to door.

But then it rang again, several times, and Amity was so annoyed that she walked over to the door and peered through the keyhole. A woman of around Camila’s age with frizzy red hair wearing a professional looking outfit was standing on the doorstep. “Mrs. Noceda?” the woman called out. “Delilah Kearney, Department of Children and Families. I’d like to talk to you about the children you’ve been looking after.”

“As one of the children she’s been looking after, I don’t want you to talk to her,” Amity responded. “Please go away.”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible,” Kearney said, her voice friendly but firm. “Please let me in.”

“I will do no such thing,” Amity said. “Mrs. Noceda is unavailable. I shouldn’t even be talking to you. I’ve been given instructions to avoid talking to strangers, and certainly to avoid letting them into our home.” A sense of melancholy accompanied that last sentence. Amity didn’t mind thinking of the Noceda residence as home, but she’d rather it had be because she wanted to be living there, not because she had no other choice.

Kearney took a deep breath. “I’m not a stranger, sweetie, I’m with the government.” How precisely did that make her any less of a stranger? “There have been some concerns about your guardian’s behavior, especially with regards to how she’s been handling Hunter Porter. You can let me in now, or I’ll come back with a warrant.”

Amity’s hackles went up. “Look, lady, if you’re going to threaten me, I suggest you use words I recognize. I don’t know what a warrant is, but I presume it’s some sort of weapon. If you use it to hurt her, you will gravely regret it.”

Kearney looked alarmed for a few seconds. “You…you don’t know what a warrant is? Right. Okay. I will be back. You tell Mrs. Noceda that I will be back.”

Amity gave a snarl and Kearney took a few steps backwards. “Your threats are meaningless. We’ve faced down much scarier people than you. If you want to hurt my future mother-in-law, you can do it over my dead body!”

She stalked away from the door and went back on the couch. Situation handled. Amity eagerly awaited the praise she’d get from Camila for scaring away Kearney so effectively. It was sure to be a doozy.

*****

When Camila returned home to Amity proudly informing her that she’d scared away a government agent, her response had, of course, been no small manner of alarm. One of her greatest fears was the government discovering her wards’ true identity. Especially Vee. There would be no end to the things they would do to her in order to discover how to duplicate her shapeshifting powers. She’d been very firm that if any government agents approached them, they were to defer all inquiries to Camila, give away as little information as possible, and not give them any excuses to arrest them.

Camila, however, much would rather have had to deal with a power-hungry paranormal investigator than the actual government agent who had shown up at her doorstep: a social worker who was just doing her job. And there was a lot to be concerned about, she freely admitted it. Camila was, in her own opinion, grossly inadequate for the task of looking after Luz’s friends. They were of an entirely different species, dealing with absurd amounts of trauma, and they needed someone who understood their needs. Unfortunately, no such person existed, so Camila would have to do.  

Camila could see very well how her situation would look absurdly suspicious to an outsider. She, a single mother with a modest income, was suddenly looking after five additional children, including what appeared to be her daughter’s heretofore unknown twin sister, who had just randomly appeared. The records Mr. Jones had forged would, she hope, suffice on the paperwork front, but she knew that if the state launched a thorough investigation, things would collapse like a house of cards.

Were Luz’s friends ordinary humans, that would, perhaps, be the best option for them, but without Camila to reel them in and teach them how to blend in amongst humanity, they’d blow their cover in mere days. Especially Hunter. Hunter was doing better since his return from New York – he certainly didn’t suspect Camila of being evil anymore, which was a relief – but if he got moved to a new environment, his condition would deteriorate, especially if it involved being separated from Gus.

So Camila had no choice but to go down to the DCF offices in Hartford to smooth things over. She just prayed she’d be able to avoid arousing further suspicion. Quite unlike Luz, Camila was terrible at making things up under pressure. Luz most certainly got her imagination from Antonio.

“I’m terribly sorry about the misunderstanding,” she began as soon as she walked into Kearney’s office. “My ward has had some…bad experiences with government agents who overstepped their authority before. It’s been hard to convince her otherwise.”

Kearney looked earnest and open. Camila had worried she’d have to deal with some sort of stubborn bureaucrat with no empathy whatsoever, but the reality was a thousand times worse: this was a woman who cared. She was in it to help people, and her desire to do could very well ruin everything. “Mrs. Noceda, I was contacted by the police department in New Haven.” Oh, boy. “Hunter Porter hijacked a car and threatened to kill himself. The woman who was the victim of the hijacking has decided not to press charges, but you can see why this concerns me nonetheless.”

Camila gave a nervous laugh. Clearly the wrong move, given the glare Kearney was directing at her. “Look, Hunter’s…had a rough time of things lately. He grew up in a cult led by his abusive uncle. He…perceived a threat to his brother – a threat that didn’t exist – and ran away in a blind panic. Did he make a mistake? Certainly. But I’m the closest thing he’s ever known to a loving parent. Taking him away from me will set back his progress. He’s not a violent man – his threat was directed against himself, after all.”

Kearney nodded slowly. “I see. Perhaps it would be possible for me to speak to his therapist about this.”

Shit. Shit! Of course Hunter should have had a therapist under normal circumstances, and the fact that he didn’t was extraordinarily damning. “I…” Camila wracked her brain for a plausible excuse, but she kept on coming up blank.

Kearney let out a soft gasp. “He doesn’t have a therapist?” Camila shrank in her seat. Was this how Luz felt during her many meetings with Principal Hal? It was definitely a highly unpleasant experience. “Mrs. Noceda…this is very concerning. What you’re describing is a victim of child abuse with PTSD. And you haven’t made a move to get him any mental healthcare? Hunter was waving a gun around. For all I know, his next move could be to shoot up his school! Where did he get that gun?”

“I don’t know,” Camila floundered. The last thing she wanted was for Kearney to interview that curator psychopath.

“You don’t know,” Kearney repeated. “I see.”

“You’re being unfair,” Camila said, hoping that going on the offense might help. “The situation I’ve found myself in is unusual, but I am really trying my best, Ms. Kearney. The children in my care know Lu…cia and they trust her. And, by extension, they trust me. I guarantee you, they won’t be stepping a toe out of line again!” She really hoped they’d be able to keep this promise. “Please, Ms. Kearney. You don’t know how vital it is that I look after these children.”

Kearney sighed. “Mrs. Noceda, I’ll be blunt with you. I’ve seen many parents just like you. They bite off more than they can chew, and their pride refuses to allow them to admit it. Right now, you’re not really in a good position to be raising six children. It’s my understanding you had enough difficulties with the one.”

“No more than any other parent has,” Camila argued.

“Really?” Kearney said. She took out a file folder and looked at a sheet of paper within. “I have an affidavit here from Luz’s principal who described her as disturbed and dangerous. She brought fireworks and snakes to a book report. The same affidavit accuses Hunter of having viciously attacked one of his peers, unprovoked. I’m sensing a pattern here, and the pattern is you.”

Camila clenched her fists in anger. Kearney meant well, of course, but she was doing an extraordinarily good job of pushing Camila’s buttons. “First of all, in direct response to those incidents, I sent Luz to a camp that would teach her how to use her creativity in a responsible fashion, and it was a success. She has been a model student since her return.” Of course, that was actually Vee, but Luz hadn’t gotten in trouble either, and Camila was hoping that would continue. “Second of all, Hunter was provoked and he was defending himself. I have told him, quite clearly, that violence is wrong and during his…breakdown, he never hurt or threatened anyone other than himself.”

She mentally groaned the minute those words had come out of her mouth. Why hadn’t she come with a lawyer? She really should have done that. It would have been expensive, but every penny would have been worth it. Now there was a good chance she’d lose not just custody of her wards, but her children too!

Kearney crossed her arms. “Mrs. Noceda…seriously?” Camila winced. “I’ve spoken to my Oregonian counterparts. Do you know what they’ve found on Lucia and your wards? Nothing. It’s like they don’t exist. The same can be said of this supposed sister of yours. What’s her name?”

“Carmela,” Camila said, remembering the cover story they’d come up with.

“What’s her favorite color?” Kearney said. “The name of her first pet? What subjects was she best in at school?” Curse her wretched lack of imagination! “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

Kearney drew herself up, looking sad. “It gives me no pleasure to say this, but I have told my superiors I consider you to be an unfit guardian, and I am recommending they file a motion to take temporary custody of your wards and children. I sincerely hope this arrangement is not going to become permanent. Good day.”

“But…”

“I said, good day, ma’am,” Kearney said frostily, and Camila quickly backed out of the office.

This was a disaster. An unmitigated disaster. Part of her wanted to take off and flee, maybe to Gravity Falls, but that was unacceptable. If a portal opened up, it would do so in Gravesfield. Camila would not be allowed to contact her wards and children if it did with them in the custody of the state. She needed to find a lawyer. Surely something could be done! She couldn’t just lose everyone!

But a lawyer – especially one good enough to go against the state and win in a case like this that, to the uninitiated, looked pretty damn bad – was going to be very, very expensive, and Camila wasn’t anywhere close to finishing negotiations on selling the treasure to the Met. If she’d been rich, she’d be able to evade these charges as quickly as snapping her fingers.

And then it came to her like a bolt from the blue. She may not have been rich. But she knew someone who was.

It was definitely surreal knocking on the door of the house of the richest man in Connecticut. She’d met Clara’s father before, actually. When Vee had started dating Clara, MacKinnon had met with her in person to take her measure. Camila had found him extraordinarily unnerving and that was a charitable way of describing him. It was as if he wasn’t even human, and not in the way her nonhuman guests acted. There was something deeply wrong with the man. Camila just thanked her lucky stars Clara’s mother was looking after her. She never would have approved of Vee dating Clara otherwise.

“Mrs. Noceda,” MacKinnon said with a respectful nod. MacKinnon may have made a very bad impression on Camila, but the reverse was not the case. In fact, MacKinnon seemed to respect her for her persistence and refusal to give up on Luz even after her behavior got out of hand. “The message Clara gave me indicated this was a matter of some urgency.”

“Yes, thank you,” Camila said, as MacKinnon led her to his office. She explained the situation to MacKinnon, who, as always, did not give any indication of how he felt from his facial expressions. He would probably clean out the poker tables in Vegas.

The two of them took their seats in MacKinnon’s office, and MacKinnon steepled his fingers. Camila couldn’t stop herself from smiling a bit. He was really leaning into the image a bit, wasn’t he? “Mrs. Noceda, you’ve not yet said why I should care about this matter or why you are in the right. In my opinion, the state has made quite a few legitimate arguments. Nor do I quite understand what you want from me. Do you wish for me to hire an attorney for you?”

Camila shifted uncomfortably in her chair. “I know you’re rich and well-connected.” MacKinnon was a leading donor in Connecticut politics and was believed to be the largest donor of the governor. “Can’t you make this case…go away?”

MacKinnon scowled slightly. “In the movies, billionaires such as I can snap their fingers and the world moves around them. Yet in real life, interfering with governmental operations carries significant risk – and I see no reward in any way whatsoever.”

“If Vee is removed from my custody, Clara won’t be happy,” Camila reminded him. “Not to mention, there is a risk of her true identity being exposed in state custody.”

MacKinnon tapped his fingers on his desk, lost in thought for a few moments. “If I am to help you, then I will require a commensurate favor in return. It will be substantial, it could go against your conscience, it may well be illegal, and you will not be able to refuse it. Am I understood?”

Camila nodded eagerly. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

MacKinnon opened his drawer and put a golden bracelet on the desk. Camila let out a gasp. The bracelet was ancient Egyptian in style, and Camila could very well have been wrong, but her gut was telling her that it was indeed from the days of ancient Egypt. It was emblazoned with the drawing of an animal that seemed to resemble a jackal, but not quite. “Put this around your wrist.”

Camila gulped, and put the bracelet around her wrist. “Do you agree to the terms we have mutually set forth?”

“Yes,” Camila said, a note of fear creeping into her voice.

“Then the Everlasting Oath is bound,” MacKinnon said, and Camila nearly fell out of her chair in shock as she felt a buzzing in her arm which crept across the entirety of her body. An Everlasting Oath?! She’d made an Everlasting Oath, just like her daughter had made to Amity? How was that possible in a realm with no magic? “I see you recognize the term. The Wittebanes were not the first contact mankind has had with the Demon Realm. There are magical artifacts everywhere, if one knows where to look. This one was used during the Old Kingdom by priests of the god of the desert, storms, and disorder. He was called evil by some.”

“Set,” Camila remembered from the infodumps Luz had given her about mythology.

A look of fury briefly crossed MacKinnon’s face. “Sutekh. He was called Sutekh. Sutekh was associated with foreigners and when foreign invasions threatened Egypt, he fell out of favor. Yet Sutekh was a warrior for existence as well. He fought against the serpent of…chaos is a translation often used, but I would prefer entropy. And his priests had their methods to ensure oaths were kept. You will fulfill the favor I will request of you. It is not possible for you to disobey. Nor is it possible for me to not keep up my end of the deal. This matter will be dealt with, I assure you.”

Camila stood up, trying her best to ignore the churning pit her stomach had become. She had made a deal with the devil…and she shuddered to think of what that devil might ask of her in the future.

*****

Delilah Kearney was a woman who trusted her gut. It was a necessary skill in her field. Parents were constantly trying to deceive her, make her look better, cloak their dark deeds behind a façade of responsibility and goodness. Not once in her career had Delilah ever been taken in. She had an unfailing instinct when it came to whether or not parents and guardians were suitable. It was easy to look good on paper, but Delilah was an expert at sniffing out parents who looked good on paper but were terrible in reality.

She’d encountered many of those in her career, but now she was dealing with something entirely unique, and that was the exact opposite. Every piece of evidence she had available to her pointed to one unavoidable point: Camila Noceda was an unfit guardian. Possibly even an unfit mother in general. Delilah had gone along with protocol, looked at the facts of the case, and recommended to her colleagues that a temporary custody order was necessary. And her meeting with Noceda had, on the surface, according to every reasonable metric, only confirmed the necessity of that order.

And yet…and yet the more Delilah thought about it, the more she listened to her gut, the more she came to realize that she – and the large preponderance of evidence – was wrong. That it was necessary for the welfare of Noceda’s wards that they stayed with her. Noceda loved them and they were clearly devoted to her in turn. Perhaps Delilah was losing her mind. Perhaps she was just being taken in by the wily words of a con artist. But she strongly suspected she was not. So she reversed her recommendation and rescinded the motion to take temporary custody.

And then something very unexpected happened. She got summoned into her boss’s office and informed that Lionel MacKinnon, of all people, wanted to speak to her. Apparently, Luz Noceda’s girlfriend was MacKinnon’s daughter and MacKinnon had vital information that would help Delilah make a decision regarding Luz’s suitability to remaining in her mother’s custody.

Right up until the moment MacKinnon himself answered the door, Delilah believed she was being pranked. Billionaires, after all, did not just call out of the blue and demand to speak to one, especially when one was an unimportant cog in the machinery that was the government. But sure enough, Connecticut’s most powerful and mysterious businessman was standing right in front of her. “Thank you for meeting me, Ms. Kearney,” MacKinnon said with a powerful handshake. “I won’t take up much of your time.”

MacKinnon led Delilah to his curiously plain office. It definitely wasn’t what she expected when she thought of the lair of a billionaire. She felt disappointed, almost cheated. At the very least, she’d hoped she’d be offered expensive liquor. Not that she would ever be swayed by luxuries, but she wasn’t above making people think she was to get a taste of the finer things in life.

“I would like you to please drop the custody case against Camila Noceda,” MacKinnon said without preamble. “I have investigated the situation thoroughly – as any responsible parent should do when it comes to the living situation of one’s daughter’s paramour – and I have found no evidence of Mrs. Noceda’s unsuitability for looking after her wards or children.”

Delilah nodded slowly. “In all honesty, I’m starting to agree with you, which is why I’m going to be recommending soon that my superiors drop the case.”

Delilah had expected MacKinnon to be delighted at this news, but instead, it just seemed to make him angry. “You mean to say that this was happening before my interference?” he said, something dark and ominous in his voice. “In other words, I had nothing to do with it.” Delilah nodded, unsure where he was going with this. “So I am not owed a favor…this is not good. Of course, Noceda thinks she owes me the favor. I can work with that. But not if you are around to contradict me when I tell her I was responsible for the settlement of this matter.”

Delilah took several steps backwards in fright. He couldn’t be saying what he thought he was saying, was he? “There are people who know where I am if anything happens to me,” she lied.

“They always say that,” MacKinnon said, a hint of amusement in his voice. “And do you know what I’ve found? They’re always lying.” He opened the drawer and took out a pair of handcuffs. Much to Delilah’s bewilderment, he proceeded to handcuff his own hand to the desk.

And then with the other, he took off his mask.

Delilah let out a scream of horror. She couldn’t help herself. The face behind the mask MacKinnon wore wasn’t that of a human. It was that of a giraffe, of all the absurd things. But not a normal looking giraffe. Its face was pitch, night black with glowing light blue spots, as if under ultraviolet light. That would have been terrifying enough.

But then before her very eyes, the giraffe flesh melted and flowed away in a viscous ooze away from MacKinnon’s face. Behind it was absolutely nothing. He was just missing half his head, brain, flesh, eyeball, and all.

“RUN!” MacKinnon shouted, in a raspy voice that sounded quite unlike his own as he thrashed against his bonds. “SAVE YOURSELF! BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!”

But it already was. Delilah barely even had time to scream again before the ooze climbed into every orifice in her face and started devouring her body from the inside. Her last thought was one of pure, endless agony. She died before the ooze had even reached her heart. She certainly died before her body just exploded into a mess of gore and viscera, which was quickly mopped up by the ooze until, soon enough, there was no trace of her remaining.

“No, no, not again,” MacKinnon pleaded. “Don’t! You’re going to be free soon! Please! Just let me tell my daughter I love her just once!”

But the ooze inexorably returned to MacKinnon’s head, reformed into the giraffe form, and MacKinnon’s struggling, externally, came to an abrupt halt. The thing that was pretending to be Lionel MacKinnon put his mask back on with a slight grin of satisfaction on the lips that had never been his own, and went back to work.

Chapter Text

Hunter did not like uncertainty. Throughout his life, he’d known his purpose. Granted, he’d been horribly, dreadfully wrong about that purpose, but he had still believed he’d known it. After he’d learned Belos’s true nature, he’d shifted that purpose to stopping him. And after coming to the Human Realm, he’d shifted his purpose again to protecting Gus. But Gus didn’t need his protection. Not even from bullies anymore; Hunter’s demonstration to Ian of his martial prowess had caused the bullies to shift their attention to less risky targets.

Hunter had no purpose anymore. Camila had suggested he just try to learn how to be a normal teenager, but that goal seemed very nebulous. There were a lot of opinions about what exactly was typical teenage behavior. Teenagers, for example, were noted for their recklessness – did that mean Hunter was supposed to do more risky stunts like running away to New York? They were notorious for rebelling against their loved ones – but that created a paradox: if rebelling was normal, and Camila wanted him to be normal, then his act of rebellion would not, in fact, be one, because he was doing what she wanted.

In any event, the typical teenage rebellion activities were uninterested to Hunter. Drinking, smoking, taking drugs – all of that sounded not at all fun and quite dangerous. So what exactly made one a typical teenager? There didn’t seem to be a good answer. Luz had laughed for two minutes straight at the thought that she could give him tips on being a normal teenager. Vee had suggested that he just relax and take life as it came and not stress so much.

But Hunter needed to be doing something. He needed to figure out what he was going to do with his life. There was a gaping void where his future should have been. The odds were looking very good that he’d be stuck in the Human Realm permanently. As such, he was going to have to live a human life, go to a human college, have a human career.

That was why he had gone to the school’s college and career fair. He knew he wouldn’t have to make a decision yet – nor could he so early – but it would be nice to learn what his options were nonetheless. Vee was also there, but none of the others wanted to go. They all were still clinging to the idea that their time in the Human Realm would be temporary, and Luz was clinging to the idea that she’d have her career in the Demon Realm. As Hunter perused material provided by the various companies, Vee chattered away about various topics. She seemed rather upbeat for someone whose childhood had been so crappy – even worse than his.

“Vee, are you seriously not bothered by me?” he said, unable to keep it in any longer. “I mean…I was the Golden Guard. The top enforcer in the Emperor’s Coven. I was responsible for your torment!”

“That’s silly,” Vee said dismissively. “You didn’t even know I existed. Stop blaming yourself for everything, Hunter.” Hah! Easier said than done. “Look, we have a lot in common. We were both hurt by Belos…but he also made us both. Without him, we wouldn’t be alive.” Hunter had never thought of it that way.

“I’m not going to be grateful to him,” Hunter vowed.

Vee shook her head. “Me neither. I hate him so much, and I really wish I’d been there to watch him die.” She said that last sentence with a serene smile on her face. Hunter shuddered a little. Vee was so, well, adorable was the only proper word, that it was easy to forget that she was, in fact, a highly dangerous predator by nature and in a fight between her and him, she would trounce him. There was a reason he waited until she was underwater before taking Camila hostage.

“The point is, I’m not angry at you because I know you’re a victim like me. You didn’t have another option, and when you got one, you took it.” Hunter looked down at the floor, ashamed. He hadn’t. Amity had offered him another option, and he’d spurned it, because he’d still been naïve enough to believe in his uncle. “Being human’s really not as hard as it looks, Hunter. You’ll get the hang of it!”

That was what Hunter was afraid of. He didn’t want to be Caleb. He didn’t want Belos to get what he wanted. Yet if he had nightmares as others did, they would definitely be about that, about Caleb overwriting him and taking away everything that made him Hunter. “Thanks, Vee. So got any big plans for that double date of yours?”

Since things had calmed down, Luz and Amity had decided that the time was ripe to have a double date with Clara and Vee. Hunter was just glad that the threat of being taken away from Camila was gone. According to Clara, her father had gotten the social worker responsible for launching a case against Camila hired by his company, and then transferred to the other side of the country.

“Nah, Clara and Amity are handling all the details. They don’t trust Luz to not go overboard.” Hunter’s opinion of the Nocedas’ girlfriends went up a couple of notches. “I still can’t believe Clara is my girlfriend! I’m the luckiest girl in the world!” She nudged Hunter. “So how are things going between you and Willow?”

Hunter could feel his cheeks getting warm. It was quite annoying how that happened so often when he thought of Willow. “There is no me and Willow. There’s simply no chance that someone as amazing as her would ever be interested in someone as broken as me.”

“I’m really not sure about that, Hunter,” Vee said, a trifle disapprovingly. “How would you really know unless you ask?”

“You saw how she reacted to the pickup lines I used on her,” Hunter pointed out. “She didn’t even comprehend I was flirting with her! Ergo, she’s not interested.”

“Or maybe, just maybe, the problem was you were using human pickup lines on a witch?” Vee suggested. “Try using some witch pickup lines. Or, you know, just ask her on a date, Hunter. The worst thing that’ll happen is she’ll say no.”

Hunter scowled. “It’ll make things awkward! It’ll effect our unit cohesion if we return to the Isles – our team unity could be at stake!” Vee rolled her eyes. “I saw that! You mark my words, Vee. There’s no way Willow could ever be interested in me.”

Hunter stormed off before Vee could offer yet another well-meant but utterly inaccurate platitude. She’d been spending too much time around her doppelganger, in Hunter’s opinion. Luz’s optimism was infectious, and Hunter suspected that wasn’t as much of a metaphor as it appeared at first glance.

“Hey,” a voice called out and Hunter turned to look over at a boy from his history class, Eddie Falconer. Hunter and Eddie sat next to each other and frequently worked together on group activities. Hunter wasn’t sure he would classify Eddie as a friend, per se, but they were certainly friendly. Eddie never made fun of him for not knowing things. “I thought it was you, Hunt. How’s it going, man?”

“Um, pretty good, I suppose,” Hunter said, shifting nervously. It was embarrassing to admit to himself, but he may have had a slight crush on Eddie. Not a huge one, like the one he had on Willow, which made him feel like it took incredible amounts of effort to get coherent sentences out around her. But he was handsome and nice, and that was enough to make Hunter somewhat tongue tied around him. “There’s all these options available to me…it’s kind of overwhelming.”

He'd at least decided to stay well away from the booths that advertised the American military. Hunter had no desire to join an army after his time in the Emperor’s Coven…even if their weapons did seem pretty damn cool. He would use his warrior skills in defense of his friends, and nothing else.

“I know what you mean,” Eddie said. “I’m just glad I don’t have to decide right now. So…your friend Amity joined the GSA. I was wondering if you’re interested?” Hunter was glad he remembered some things from Amity’s ramblings about the various and puzzling ways humans classified gender and sexuality, including the meaning of the GSA club itself. It was really a mystery to him why they cared about this stuff so much. Hunter was into hot people, regardless of gender. End of story. 

“She’s not my friend,” Hunter said, in an effort to stall. “She’s my associate. I’d like to be her friend, but after I tried to kill her and threatened her girlfriend, I think it’ll be a long time before we’re there.”

Eddie gaped at him. Crap. That was one of those things Hunter should have kept to himself, wasn’t it? That was another problem with his crushes. While often, it meant he had trouble speaking, sometimes he also had problems shutting up. “You know, every time I learn a detail about you guys, it just gets more puzzling and disturbing.”

“In my defense, she was trying to kill me too,” Hunter offered. “We were fighting, it wasn’t as if I attacked her unprovoked. Well…now that I think about it…”

Eddie put his hands up. “Stop. I don’t want to know. You hear me? Whatever crazy, twisted things happened to you in the past, please keep them there.” That was music to Hunter’s ears. “So the GSA club…?”

Hunter took a deep breath. “I need to ask you some questions, but it has to be done in private. It’s just…I can’t do it when other people are around. Can we go outside?”

Eddie shrugged. “Sure. I can use some fresh air.”

The two of them walked outside the school. Vee, obviously misinterpreting what was going on, gave a thumbs up to him. He’d have to figure out how to get revenge on her later. Luz would no doubt help. She still had lingering resentment towards the basilisk who had stolen her life, even if she was doing a superbly good job of hiding it these days.

Flapjack flew over to Hunter and landed on his shoulder. Hunter wasn’t allowed to have him in school, but Flapjack had taken to resting on the trees outside the classroom, allowing him to communicate with Hunter telepathically and calm him down when needed. He’s cute, Flapjack teased. You should ask him on a date! It’ll be good practice for when you date Willow. Flapjack believed that Huntlow, as Luz had termed it, was inevitable and wouldn’t listen to Hunter’s protestations to the contrary.

As appealing as the idea of asking Eddie out on a date was starting to sound, Hunter had serious questions to ask, and it was simply not the right time. “So Amity mentioned that some hu – people…transition into other genders? Transgender? Is that the word?” Eddie nodded. “How do you know if…if you’re like that? Not that I’m saying I’m like that! I’m just…curious?”

If Eddie saw through his appalling lies (Hunter was notoriously bad at deception), he gave no indication of it. “Well, have you ever been uncomfortable with people calling you a guy or a man or a boy? Or with he/his pronouns?”

“My entire life is an endless litany of discomfort,” Hunter intoned. “This stuff would probably just blend in with the rest.”

“Okay…I’m going to choose to believe that’s just hyperbole for the sake of my sanity,” Eddie decided. “Maybe you find yourself drawn to a look that our society has deemed to be feminine?”

Hunter gave a wistful smile as he remembered how he looked in that dress he’d tried on at the mall. “Maybe…” he muttered. “Like, hypothetically, if you had a…dream of yourself as a woman and liked the way you looked, that could be a sign, right?” There. That was a pretty decent lie. Maybe Hunter wasn’t completely hopeless.

“Possibly, but dreams are odd, so I wouldn’t hang your hat entirely on them.” Hunter didn’t understand what that meant; he wasn’t even wearing a hat. “Hunter, in truth, there really isn’t one way of knowing. Maybe try out she/her pronouns or another name for a while, just for your loved ones?”

“I tried that with Gus,” Hunter said, abandoning all pretenses that this was a hypothetical situation. “I…I liked it. But…but still, it seems so enormous. Like, what if I’m wrong! I can’t just take this stuff back! I’ll make a fool of myself!”

Eddie put a hand on Hunter’s shoulder. It felt warm and comforting. “Calm down, buddy,” he said with a smile that did anything but calm Hunter. “You don’t need to decide now. No deadlines or anything. I’m guessing Luz’s mom would be chill with you transitioning? I know Luz is openly bi.”

Hunter shrugged. “I don’t know…even if I was comfortable admitting it to myself, and I am so not right now, it’d take me some time to want to admit it to her. Not that she has anything against that sort of thing! I think? But it’s just…it’s…I don’t know her too well…”

Eddie put up a hand and Hunter felt relief that he’d put a stop to his rambling. “It’s okay, Hunt. I understand. Well, you know, gal or guy, you’re still my friend.”

“We’re friends?” Hunter asked, taking a step backwards in surprise.

“We can be…if you want,” Eddie said with a slight smile. Hunter nodded frantically. He very much wanted that. “Great. And you know what? I swing both ways…just throwing that out there.” Swing? What? What did that mean?

You’re hopeless, Flapjack said with a long suffering sigh. Eddie started walking away. Ask him to see a movie with you!

“Eddie!” Hunter called out.

Eddie turned around and gave a grin that made Hunter nearly lose his balance for a second. “Yeah?”

Hunter tried to do as Flapjack suggested, but he couldn’t make his lips move to form the words he wanted to say. Eventually, he just settled for saying “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, princess,” Eddie said with a wink and walked off. Hunter sat down on the ground and put his hands over his head with a groan. He would never get the hang of this stuff.

I retract my earlier comment, Flapjack snarked. You’re not hopeless. You’re utterly hopeless. Charlotte had so much more game than you do.

“Well, Eddie’s not Charlotte and I’m not Caleb,” Hunter snapped. “I won’t ever be Caleb. And for the record, Eddie and I are just friends.” By the sounds of the laughter in Hunter’s head, Hunter’s blatant deception didn’t fool his palisman for an instant.

*****

Willow looked like she was barely restraining herself from laughing her ass off as Amity paced around the attic that she was still sharing with Gus, Willow, and Hunter. “Amity, it’s going to be fine,” she said. “Luz is gonna love spending time with you, no matter what you do on this date.”

“You don’t understand, Willow,” Amity said. By the look on Willow’s face, Willow seemed to think she understood Amity perfectly, though she was, of course, wrong. “I have to show Luz that I’m the best girlfriend. I have to do a better job than Clara. I just have to! Because…if I don’t…”

Amity couldn’t even bring herself to say it. Clara was a clear and present danger to her relationship. She was rich, and Amity would probably no longer be wealthy when the dust settled. She was pretty, smart, and sweet. Luz had a crush on her for a year before she came to the Isles. She had enjoyed kissing her. And, of course, Clara didn’t try to get Luz dissected. She didn’t try to force her to give up magic. Her parents hadn’t tried to kill her – indeed, Mr. MacKinnon had saved them. Clara, too, clearly had a thing for Luz, since she thought for weeks she’d been dating her! What chance did Amity have against that?

“Hey, Amity,” Willow said in a soft, kind tone, clearly sensing that Amity was actually upset about this instead of just being her usual worrying self. “It’s okay. There are three things you have to remember here. First off, Clara’s already in a relationship with Vee, and humans are strictly monogamous. Second, Clara loves Vee and Luz loves you, and that’s not likely to change.”

“But…okay. I guess. What’s the third thing?”

Willow looked Amity straight in the eyes. “You, Amity Blight, are an awesome girlfriend. And you’re an awesome best friend too.”

Amity couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah. I guess I am.”

“Now you go out there and have a fun time!” Willow said, leaning back in her sleeping bag with a smirk on her face. “But not too fun a time. After all, you don’t want to get the talk like Vee did!” Amity shuddered at the very thought.

She took a deep breath and went downstairs, where Luz and Vee were already waiting for her. Camila was also nearby. She held up her phone and took some photographs of Amity. She looked like she might burst into tears at any second. “Look at this! My two daughters off on a date. Luz’s first ever, I might add!”

“Mom,” Luz said, her voice annoyed. Amity still found it bewildering that no one had ever been romantically interested in Luz before her. How could they not admire that kind heart? That brilliant smile? Those gorgeous chocolate brown eyes that Amity could get lost in for days and days on end, which just seemed to suck her in like they were slowsand? The beautiful curve of her face? Her kind, loving, selfless nature? Her –

Camila waved a hand in front of Amity’s face. “Cariño! Are you all right?”

Amity gave a nervous laugh. “I’m fine! Just fine. Zoned out there for a while, that’s all.”

“Thanks for doing this, Amity,” Vee said, looking extremely nervous. “I’m just so scared…I don’t want her to break up with me.”

Amity was relieved that, for once, she wasn’t the only one who didn’t understand what was going on. “Why on earth would Clara want to break up with you, Vee?” Camila asked. “The girl is crazy about you! She’s…what’s the word you used earlier, Luz? A simp! She’s a simp for you.”

Vee twisted her hands nervously. “I don’t know…it’s just…I’m not human, you know? Maybe Clara would want to spend her life with someone human. Someone she doesn’t have to be afraid of…someone who didn’t lie to her. To everyone.”

Camila moved so swiftly Amity thought for a second she might have mastered Hunter’s teleportation spell and swept Vee into a hug. “Oh, sweetie, are you still feeling bad about that? I told you, I’ve forgiven you. Luz has forgiven you too, right?” Luz gave a nervous laugh and a nod. She had not forgiven her. But thankfully, no one else seemed to notice. “You may have lied about your name and your origins, but you never lied about who you truly are, Vee. It was not Luz she fell in love with. It was you.”

Amity nodded firmly. Camila was right, of course. Clara was never going to dump Vee in favor of Luz, and the very idea she would have was preposterous. “You’re going to do fine! We’re going to have a lot of fun, I promise. We’ll be able to forget our troubles for the evening and have a good time!”

The doorbell rang. Vee let out a yelp and started chewing on her nails. “This is it…” she muttered. Luz put an arm around her shoulder. “It’s gonna be fine, sis! And if Clara does something as stupid as breaking up with you, I’ll teach her a lesson she’ll never forget!”

Amity charged over to the door and opened it. Clara took a step backwards, looking somewhat alarmed when she saw her. Amity rearranged her facial expression into a friendlier one. She supposed she wasn’t quite over her earlier fears. “Hi! Nice to see you again!” she said in a tone that really could only be described as Emira-esque. Okay, so it would take her time to be comfortable around Clara, but for now, she could fake her enthusiasm.

“Nice to see you too, Amity,” Clara said, sounding utterly sincere. She walked into the house, grabbed Vee, and twirled her around, looking absolutely amazed. “Holy smokes, you look awesome!” Vee blushed. She gave a friendly smile at Luz. “Hey, how’s it going?”

“Pretty good!” Luz said. “I’m really looking forward to tonight.” She planted a kiss on Amity’s cheek. “After all, I’ve got my batata beside me.”

Camila scratched her head. “Maybe I’m a bit rustier in my Spanish than I thought because I could have sworn you just called her a sweet potato.”

“Long story, gotta run!” Amity said, and practically shoved everyone out of the door in her haste to avoid yet another embarrassing tale being told about her.

Mrs. MacKinnon drove them to the mall. Actually, she was going by the name Ms. Hall, since part of the terms of the divorce were that she was no longer allowed to use the MacKinnon name. And she also wanted to be called by her first name Lisa. But the point was, she drove them to the mall, and Amity was shocked at how friendly and open she seemed. She hadn’t yet met Mr. MacKinnon in person, but Luz, Vee, and Camila had all related tales of how incredibly creepy and cold he was. Clara definitely took after her mother.

Going to the mall was Amity’s idea. She wanted to make better memories of the place for everyone after the misunderstanding that had almost wrecked both of their relationships. And she rather liked the mall. Willow, Gus, and especially Hunter may not have been big fans of crowds, but Amity was comfortable in them. The four of them had dinner at a place that sold hamburgers and French fries. Amity was expecting the burgers to be like the handburgers of the Isles, but to her disappointment, they didn’t look like limbs at all. Pity.

“I want to hear more about the Boiling Isles!” Clara said eagerly, as they were all chowing down their burgers. “I mean, Vee doesn’t talk about it because…well, she doesn’t talk about why she doesn’t talk about it either.”

“I’m sorry,” Vee mumbled.

Clara shook her head. “No, no, sweetie, it’s fine. I’m not gonna force you. But maybe the two of you could give me some idea of what it’s like there.”

Amity shuddered. She didn’t want to think of what it was currently like under the Collector’s immature and omnipotent thumb. “Well…as its name suggests, the rain boils. Most of the freshwater does. There are witches and demons and other creatures. And all witches can do magic using their bile sac. Including me! Maybe once we’re in a more private location, I can show you what I can do with abominations.”

“Awesome!” Clara said, her eyes shining brightly. “You must have felt a bit left out, though, Luz, not being able to do magic.”

Luz leaned back in her chair and smirked. “Well, actually, I can do magic. Well, there I could. It doesn’t work here, though.” She scowled. Amity knew it was a sore spot for her. To go back to a powerless individual had been a huge disappointment. But Luz’s true strength wasn’t in her skill in glyphs. It was in her gigantic heart and clever mind, her willingness to push the boundaries of what people thought could be done, her determination to offer forgiveness when she saw something good in people. Even people like Amity who couldn’t see it in themselves.

“We have complicated emotions about the Demon Realm,” Amity explained. “We all left people behind there. My siblings and my dad. Luz left behind her little brother and second mom. Vee…” She flinched upon realizing that Vee, in fact, did not have anyone in her life to leave behind when she left the Demon Realm. “Well…anyway, it’s a bit of a touchy subject right now.”

“Sure,” Clara said, and then, mercifully, she changed the subject.

After the dinner was over, the four of them went to try on clothes at some of the fancier stores in the mall. Of course, they couldn’t afford to buy any of it. But Vee had an advantage – she could simply shapeshift the clothes in question, which Amity knew she’d be doing later. Not that night, of course, lest people think they stole them. And then they all went to see a horror movie which was being reshown for reasons that were still unclear to Amity.

“Titan, that movie was terrifying,” Amity said as they were all walking out of the movie theater and back into the mall. “I didn’t know you humans were capable of inventing a movie that was so spine-chillingly horrifying!”

“…It was Ratatouille, Amity,” Vee said flatly. 

Amity shuddered. “And that scene when they tossed the poor innocent sous chef into the freezer…”

“He was a bad guy, Amity. He was going to have Remy killed!”

“IT WOULD BE LESS THAN HE DESERVED!” Amity charged ahead back into the mall proper, trying her best to keep the movie out of her mind. She’d be having nightmares about that evil rat tonight, she just knew it.

The four of them went over to Cinnabon and purchased cinnamon rolls there. Amity recalled the GSA members saying she was like a cinnamon roll, and for the life of her Amity couldn’t understand why. There appeared to be no resemblance between the two of them in any way whatsoever. Amity took one bite and then she ran over to the nearest trash can and threw up in it. So far, there hadn’t been many foods that she couldn’t eat, but this was definitely one of them.

“Sorry…I guess I’m less like a cinnamon roll than my friends thought,” Amity said with a self-deprecating grin when she came back to the table. “They say you eat what you are, right?”

“Close enough,” Clara said. “So, Luz, you were talking about the magic you were being able to do? How’d you pull that off without…whatever witches use to do magic?”

Luz gave a huge grin. Amity knew that one of her favorite things to infodump about was glyphs, so she just tuned her out mostly and let her rant. That was okay; she wasn’t the one being infodumped upon. Amity did take a certain amount of satisfaction to see that Clara’s attention was also wandering. There was no way anyone without the patience to listen to Luz’s infodumps could ever have been a good girlfriend for her.

“So they’re just simple geometric shapes, honestly,” Luz said after quite a few minutes. “Let me draw a few just to show you!” She grabbed a notebook out of her purse; she never went anywhere without it. “This one,” she said, while drawing a construction glyph, “would split the table in half if I activated it and there was magic here. But since there isn’t, I can activate it and…”

She activated the glyph, there was a flash of light, and the table split in half.

*****

Hunter was looking forward to a relaxing evening of watching television. There was a documentary about the Revolutionary War on PBS, and Hunter was eager to see his favorite historical topic depicted onscreen. Without the chaos that was Luz and to a lesser extent Vee and Amity, it was sure to be a quiet, peaceful evening with no drama in any way whatsoever.

Of course, since fate hated him, nothing of the kind ended up occurring.

What happened instead was that the doorbell rang just minutes after the gang left on their double date and Hunter walked over to the door and opened it. Eddie was on the doorstep. He gave one of those charming grins (it should be illegal to have a grin so charming, in Hunter’s opinion) and then his face turned to utter shock. “You…you…”

Hunter’s brow furrowed in confusion and then horror swept through him as he realized that he had forgotten to get Gus to cast an illusion on his ears. “There’s a perfectly logical explanation for all this,” Hunter said with a laugh that sounded horribly fake to his ears.

“You’re an alien, aren’t you?!” Eddie shouted. He walked inside the house and Hunter was so disoriented by this sudden and unwelcome turn of events that he didn’t make a move to stop him. “I knew it! I knew something was off with you all.”

“No!” Hunter said. “I’m a perfectly normal human being. Yep, that’s me, totally normal Hunter Porter!”

Eddie groaned. “Seeing you lie is just physically painful, you know that?”

Flapjack flew into the room and looked extremely smug at seeing the two of them together. I told you he likes you.

“He does not,” Hunter responded reflexively.

“Are you…talking to that bird?”

“…No?”

Eddie just put his hands on his hips and waited expectantly. “Fine!” Hunter said, amazed at how easily he’d given in. If Belos could see him now…well, he wasn’t going to get into that. “I’m a witch, okay? And Flapjack is my familiar. But you can’t tell anyone! Or I’ll have to kill you.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “That’s…not hyperbole, is it?” Hunter shook his head. “Does Mrs. Noceda know?”

“Yeah,” Hunter admitted. “Obviously, I can’t out any of my friends who may or may not be witches, but I think you’re probably able to connect the dots at this point. So what are you doing here in the first place?”

Eddie laughed. “Well, you may find this a bit difficult to believe, but I actually came here to ask you out on a date!” Hunter gaped at him. How was that even possible? Eddie barely even knew him! They’d just established their friendship recently. And now he was interested in courting him? “It was a spur of the moment thing. I wanted to do it before I chickened out.”

Hunter opened his mouth to speak, but Eddie put up a hand. “I…I can’t right now. Maybe another time, maybe not. But not now.”

There was a flushing of a toilet from upstairs and Camila walked down the staircase. She immediately took in the situation before her. Unlike her daughter, she was able to see what was in front of her face. “Well. It looks like the cat’s out of the bag. I hope I can rely on your discretion, Mr. Falconer?”

“Yeah, no problem,” Eddie reassured her. “Hunter and his friends are all really nice. I’d be a real dick if I told everyone their secret.” He moved his finger across his lips. Hunter didn’t know what that gesture meant and he was in too much shock to ask. “So…I guess I’ll just be going. See you in class tomorrow, Hunt.” He walked over to the door and then turned around. He looked like he was about to say something, but instead, he just gave an awkward wave and hurried off.

“You’ve got to be more careful when answering the door, Hunter,” Camila chastised him. “This time, it was your friend, but next time, it could be a police officer or that madman from the history museum!”

Hunter sat down on the sofa and put his head in his hands. “Sorry, Mrs. Noceda.”

Camila sat down next to him and gave him an affectionate smile. “Well, I’m sure you’ve learned your lesson. Remember, these rules aren’t there for no reason. It is vital people don’t learn of your true identity. Not everyone is as trustworthy as Eddie.” She nudged him. “Say, unless I miss my guess, perhaps there may be something other than friendship between the two of you?”

Hunter shrugged. “Right now, that remains to be seen. I like Willow a lot, but there’s no way we’d ever be a thing. And Eddie’s cute. I like him. Not as much as I like Willow, but still.”

Camila looked contemplative. “Well, niño, I wouldn’t just rule Willow out if I were you.”

“She hasn’t said anything about having a crush on me, has she?” Hunter asked hopefully.

“Now, now, Hunter, you know if she said such a thing, it would have been said in confidence,” Camila reminded him. “But I know for a fact that if you did ask her, even if she said no, she wouldn’t stop being your friend. Still, you could certainly do worse than Eddie, I’ll tell you that much.”

“Thanks, Camila,” Hunter said. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.” Camila wandered off in the direction of the kitchen to make dinner.

Flapjack flew over to his shoulder. Maybe you could date them both! I know a lot of witches do that sort of thing. Of course, humans didn’t do that, and Flapjack knew it. He was just teasing him, but Hunter had really had enough of getting teased. An atypical spike of frustration at his palisman swept through him.

“Maybe instead of making fun of me, you could start giving me some answers,” he snapped. “About Caleb, you know? You knew him. You must have! You gave me his name as an alias back when I was infiltrating Hexside. What was he like? Was he like me? What sort of man was the emperor’s brother?”

There was a very long silence. Flapjack seemed to be debating something within himself. The emperor didn’t have a brother.

Well…that was odd. The people of this town clearly venerated Philip and Caleb as brothers. Maybe the two of them were as close as brothers and history had gotten things mixed up. They’d certainly missed out on the part where Philip was a genocidal monster, after all. And Belos had referred to Hunter as the better version of an old friend, not a brother.

“His friend, whatever,” Hunter said. “What was he like?”

More and more silence. It seemed to drag on endlessly. The emperor didn’t have a brother, Flapjack repeated. He had a sister. He had Charlotte.

And then the bottom dropped out of Hunter’s stomach as the words sank in. “Charlotte…was Caleb, wasn’t she?”

No. Caleb was Charlotte. That’s how it works. She discovered her true self in the Demon Realm. Philip couldn’t understand. And like everything he didn’t understand…he eventually destroyed her.

“No, no, no, no,” Hunter muttered and started rocking in place.

Caleb wasn’t possessed by an evil spirit or a wild witch. Caleb was trans. And that meant that the only reason Hunter was also trans was because he’d been made to be, entirely accidentally on Belos’s part. Hunter had never had a choice in the matter. It was just one more thing Charlotte had left him. A part of her soul lived within him and that was why he was starting to think of himself as a woman. He’d been a fool to think there was anything unique about him.

He was just a copy. Just a grimwalker. Not a better version of the emperor’s sister. The exact same version of her.

And he had never had a chance of becoming anything else.

“Camila…” he croaked out. Camila poked her head out of the kitchen and let out a yelp when she saw the condition he was in. Hunter felt dizzy. He was worried he might pass out. “Hunter, mijo, what happened?”

“I don’t…I don’t want to talk about it now,” Hunter mumbled. “I don’t…know what to do.”

“What do you need?”

“Can you just…hug me?” Hunter said, hating how small and weak his voice sounded. He’d never really felt the need for a mother until now, but he had a sudden, burning urge for it. Was Camila anything like Charlotte’s mother, he wondered? What sort of a mother could have raised someone as monstrous as Belos?

Camila instantly sat down on the sofa. “Of course, Hunter,” she said, and wrapped her arms around him. “You only need to ask.”

The two of them sat in silence for a long while, and then, haltingly, stumbling a lot, Hunter explained what Flapjack had revealed to him. “Yikes,” Camila said after a while. “I really don’t even know where to begin with that. Hunter…I had no idea you were questioning your gender identity. I don’t know how much it helps, but I want you to know that whatever decision you make, I will be behind you 500%.”

That actually helped a lot. Hunter was surprised about how much it helped. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to make a decision tonight,” she pointed out. “I know it’s a lot to process, but we’re here to help you every step of the way. Now what can I do to make things easier?”

“I just…I don’t want to think about this right now,” Hunter admitted. “Can you watch TV with me? There’s a documentary on the Battle of Yorktown I was gonna watch.”

“It would be my pleasure,” Camila assured him and turned the television on.

Hunter wracked his brain for the appropriate phrase, one that he’d heard Luz use in the past. One that a child would say to his mother. “Uh, gracias…mami?”

“De nada, mijo,” Camila said, and kissed him on the forehead.

*****

The glyphs didn’t work in the Human Realm. Ever since her return, Luz had lamented that fact over and over again, but she’d never had cause to doubt it before. Luz desperately wanted them to work. She wanted to show Mami just what she was capable of. If Mami saw her skill at magic, maybe it’d ease her mind about her returning to the Isles. But, no, Luz remained stubbornly nonmagical as long as she remained in the Human Realm.

Until now.

“What just happened?” Luz said, gazing at the broken table from a respectable distance away. After the table had broken, they’d quickly walked away before anyone could connect them to the mysterious light that had appeared just before it broke. Thankfully, the Cinnabon staff all seemed to be assuming it broke on its own. “I mean…magic shouldn’t work here. It hasn’t worked here. So what changed…?”

An idea suddenly occurred to her. It was far-fetched, but then again, what wasn’t these days? “Clara, can you step outside the mall for a few seconds? I want to test something.”

Clara shrugged and obligingly walked out of the mall. Luz tried to activate a glyph, this one a bard glyph that would just boost people’s mood slightly if activated. But it wouldn’t activate it. Luz gestured for Clara to come back in and once she was nearby, she tried to activate it again, and this time it worked. She could feel joy surging through her.

“It’s you,” Luz realized. “You’re the one making the glyphs work, Clara.”

Clara’s mouth dropped open. “How is that possible? I don’t have any magic. I’m just an ordinary human!”

“Extraordinary,” Vee corrected her. “You’re an extraordinary human. But, no, I’m pretty sure I would have sensed it if she had magic…”

Amity looked irritated for some reason, and she put her hands up. “No, no, no.” She pointed at Luz. “Remember what you promised me? No mysteries! This is a mystery!”

Damn it! She had promised a slice of life, mundane date with no mysteries. Hoist by her own petard! Curse her tendency to be bizarrely specific at times. “All right, you’re right, but we’re going to come back to this, Clara. You can bet the farm on it.” She gasped. “Oh my gosh, you can help me show the glyphs to my mom!”

“Sure, but Amity’s right. This is a conversation best saved for another time.”

Vee changed the subject to TV shows they’d watched as they walked over to the parking garage where Lisa was going to be picking them up. Luz had tried to introduce Amity to Avatar: The Last Airbender, but she couldn’t even make it through the first episode because she found Katara’s voice to be phenomenally annoying. Vee suggested they watch a show she’d heard a lot about called Stranger Things, and Clara and Luz both worked frantically to dissuade her from watching it. Then Luz talked about some of the animated shows she’d watched.

“…and that stupid Mouse canceled Milo Murphy’s Law after just two seasons!” Luz ranted as they got into Lisa’s minivan. “With Zalissa becoming canon literally in the last seconds of the episode! Phineas & Ferb got four whole seasons, but could Disney give a third season to its best show ever? No, of course not!”

“Did you four have a good time?” Lisa asked them. They all nodded eagerly. Luz had a spectacular time. She’d been worrying a lot that it would be awkward to go on a date alongside her doppelganger and ex-crush, but much to her surprise and happiness, being around them felt perfectly natural. It was honestly nice to interact with Clara as friends without having her stupid crush getting in the way. “Well, that’s good, because Clara has one last surprise planned for you all!”

Ooh! Luz loved surprises! Well, except for the ironic style surprise that involved her getting put into all sorts of danger, but Clara wouldn’t get them involved in that. Luz’s brain went into overtime wondering what the surprise was, so much so that she barely realized that they were driving a fair distance away from the city. Lisa parked the car in a parking lot of a park a ways away from Gravesfield. The four teenagers got out of the car and Clara led them into a meadow, where a picnic basket and a blanket was waiting for them.

Clara opened the picnic basket, revealing several cartons of ice cream in several different flavors, as well as bowls and spoons for them to eat with. “I thought we could have some dessert and admire the stars.”

Amity looked up at the night sky and did a double take. “HOLY MOTHER OF TITAN!”

“Yeah, Eda would like to be here too,” she joked. Amity gave her a look of professional disapproval while Vee and Clara just got confused.

“I…I didn’t even know you had stars in the Human Realm!” Amity said. “I haven’t seen them before here. I just assumed they were a Demon Realm thing. And there’s so many of them too…I can’t even count them all! There are a lot fewer in the Demon Realm.”

“Yeah, you can’t see them in the urban areas,” Luz explained, a tinge of sadness coloring her voice. “Too much light pollution. Thanks for this, Clara.”

Vee changed into her basilisk form and let Clara serve the ice cream. Thankfully, Amity was able to eat it just fine. The four of them leaned back on the blanket, the two couples cuddling with one another. “So you’re fine kissing a snake now, Clara?” Luz teased.

Clara planted a kiss on Vee’s lips without an ounce of hesitation or shame. “More than fine,” she said confidently. “I love Vee in her natural form. I was a little worried she’d be…uh, well, gross and slimy, but she’s so warm and soft and comfortable…”

The word love reminded Luz of something she wanted to do with Amity back when she was just planning out a mundane, slice of life date for one couple instead of two. “Uh, guys, can you give me and Amity a moment?”

Vee looked worried. “Luz, I really think the two of you should be taking things slowly…Mami told me that it may seem like rushing is a good idea in the moment, but you’ll probably end up regretting it later.”

Luz could feel her cheeks blushing so red she probably looked like a tomato. “No! No, I just want us to have a conversation in private, that’s all.”

Clara nodded sagely, seeming to get instantly what Luz was getting at. “Come on, Vee. Let’s give the lovebirds some privacy.”

“Don’t joke about lovebirds, Clara,” Vee warned her. “They’re highly dangerous animals!” The two of them walked (or, in Vee’s case, slithered) away, leaving Luz alone with her girlfriend.

Luz cleared her throat. This was going to be difficult. But it needed to be done. “Amity, you’ve brought so much joy to my life. I, uh, I have to admit, some days I struggle to see what you see in me. But whatever it is, I’m glad you saw it. I’m glad you’re my girlfriend. But there’s something I need to say to you, something I should have said a long time ago…”

Amity let out a yelp of fright and tears started streaming down her face. Huh? “Luz, don’t! Don’t break up with me! I promise, whatever it was, I can do better! I can –” Luz interrupted her highly inaccurate rambling by giving her a passionate kiss on the mouth.

“You’ve got it all wrong, mi amor,” Luz assured her. “I’m not going to break up with you. That’s not what I want to say to you at all. What I want to say to you is this: I love you, Amity Blight.”

Amity’s mouth dropped open. And then shut. And then open again. “I…you…what?”

“I love you,” Luz repeated. “I love you so much, Amity. Te amo. I want to be with you forever, because I love you more than anything.” She put a tender hand on Amity’s face. “You don’t have to say it back yet if you’re not ready.”

“Well…I think I am ready. I love you too, Luz.”

Chapter Text

Alice Starnes loved mysteries. She had read every book by Agatha Christie, played every one of the Nancy Drew video games. There was no better genre, in her opinion. To watch the mystery unfold itself before her very eyes – and, in many cases, for her to be able to use the clues presented to her to figure out the solution before it was revealed – was one of her favorite pastimes.

Nonetheless, all those years of experiencing fictional mysteries did not prepare her for becoming enmeshed in a real life one. The mystery didn’t center around her, but rather around the newest and strangest member of the GSA, Amity Blight and Amity’s new friends, including Luz’s heretofore unmentioned twin Lucia. They were all exceptionally, extraordinarily odd. With the notable exception of Lucia, not a single one of them had the slightest clue about anything even vaguely pertaining to pop culture, history, or colloquialisms. It was like they were raised on another planet.

At first, everyone assumed they’d been raised in one of those survivalist cults that hated the government. And gays. And just about everyone really. But the lack of knowledge they possessed was beyond that. They didn’t even understand what a federal government was, much less have an obsessive hatred for it. And, ridiculously puzzlingly, they didn’t seem to know what homophobia or racism even was. Amity spoke of being a lesbian as if it was entirely natural and seem bewildered by the concept anyone would think otherwise. Naturally, she was right, but that wasn’t a viewpoint she’d have picked up in a survivalist cult.

A number of Alice’s peers were avoiding the new students like the plague, especially when Hunter had beaten up Ian (a smile came across Alice’s face at the thought of that horrid bully getting what he deserved) and threatened to do much worse to anyone who threatened Gus. But Alice wasn’t scared of any of them. She was just intensely curious.

“Okay. I’ve figured out their deal,” a kid said at the next GSA meeting. Ostensibly, they were supposed to be discussing a bake sale to raise funds for PFLAG Hartford. But with Amity excusing herself from the meeting to work on a particularly vexing homework assignment, all anyone could talk about was the mystery that was Amity and her friends. “Mrs. Noceda is an alien –”

“Wow, way to be racist, Eleanor.”

Eleanor rolled their eyes. “From outer space, Jackie! An extraterrestrial alien, thank you very much! Right, so Mrs. Noceda is an alien, maybe Luz too, and the others are kids they’ve abducted and raised on their home planet from different times.”

“Luz being an alien would explain a lot,” someone muttered.

Alice glared at him. It wasn’t that she necessarily disagreed with the content of the statement, so much as the mocking tone it was delivered in. “Go on, Eleanor.”

“Well, first of all, Hunter is obviously Caleb Wittebane.” Alice definitely could not deny that there was an uncanny resemblance between the two. “I think Gus, Amity, and maybe Willow come from the far future, from a time where there isn’t any racism or homophobia.”

Alice was skeptical of the idea that humanity could ever abandon some of its most shameful habits, but then again, the future was a big place. Maybe in thousands of years, people would finally have their act together. “So where does Lucia fit into all this?”

Eleanor looked a little nervous. “Well, this is where things get a little…conspiratorial.”

“This is where they get there?!”

Eleanor rolled their eyes. “Okay, so, you know how Luz is…well, she’s Luz, right?” Alice nodded tentatively. Luz was famous for her grandiose displays of weirdness. A part of Alice was jealous of her for being unapologetically herself. The larger part of her still remembered the terror she felt when Luz pulled that snake out of her backpack. “Well, she’s been different since she came back this year.”

“Are you sure this isn’t just jealousy that she got her hands on Clara?” Alice teased.

“Like anyone who likes girls isn’t at least a little jealous of Luz right now, yourself included,” Eleanor shot back. A legitimate point. Clara was very hot. “The point is, I’ve been studying Luz carefully.” A number of raised eyebrows. “Not like that, people! Jeez, get your minds out of the gutter. She’s not been acting like herself. She’s not stimming. She carries herself differently. She talks differently. It’s like she’s an entirely different person.”

Eleanor stood up from their seat and started pacing around the room. “But you know who does act like Luz? Lucia! Sure, she tries to cover it up with a swagger and a feigned attitude, but she’s Luz from head to toe. I think the fake Luz is their alien handler, and the real Luz is pretending to be her own twin sister!”

It was a testament to the extraordinary oddness of the situation that Alice did not immediately dismiss this theory out of hand. But it didn’t take long for her to dismiss it anyway. People changed, and besides, Alice had heard rumors that Luz had been sent to some camp specifically designed to change her into something more normal. That sounded like Alice’s idea of hell. She was glad she hadn’t gone.

Alice turned to face Eddie, who’d been uncharacteristically quiet and withdrawn throughout the entire conversation, as if he was trying to get everyone to ignore him. “I know you’re close to Hunter, Eddie.” Some quiet snickers could be heard. It was an open secret that Eddie wanted to be very close to Hunter. “What do you think? You think he’s Caleb?”

Eddie squirmed in his seat a little. Oh. Oh! Oh, wow. Did this mean what Alice thought it meant? “You know something!” she shouted, and pointed her finger accusingly at him. “You know what their deal is! You know we’re on the right track! Something otherworldly is happening here!”

Eddie sighed. “Look…I was sworn to secrecy, okay? All I can say is they’re not dangerous, and they’ll tell you more in their own time. Please don’t push them, okay? We’ve got a bake sale to plan. Can we go back to that?”

After some good natured ribbing about Eddie’s transparent crush on Hunter and another round of speculation about the identity of the new students, the GSA members finally went back to the business that they were actually supposed to be doing. Alice could understand why Eddie didn’t want them to push, but damn it, Alice wanted to know. The idea of not trying to solve a real life mystery when it was presented in front of her was ridiculous. She would follow in the footsteps of fictional detectives like Nancy Drew and Miss Marple and find out the truth.

She would start with the weakest link: Gus Porter. Hunter was too paranoid to let something slip (especially since he’d likely slipped already with Eddie), Willow was too composed, Amity would suspect something, and Lucia would probably manage to evade interrogation. Fortunately for Alice, she had a golden opportunity to ask Gus questions, since she was tutoring him in history already. Gus needed all the help he could get there. He clearly had no knowledge of history beyond what he’d learned in class.

“So…I hear you’re from Oregon?” Alice asked in a lull in their tutoring session. “What’s it like there?”

Gus did a deer in the headlights impression, which was pretty damn suspicious in itself. “Rainy?” he said, sounding more like he was asking than answering a question. “And…cold?”

“Hmm,” Alice said neutrally. “Look, I want you to know that whatever’s going on with you and your friends, the GSA has your backs.” That was quite true. It was the general consensus of the GSA members that Gus and his friends were precious cinnamon rolls who needed to be protected at all costs.

“Going on?” Gus asked, his voice squeaking from fright. “There’s nothing going on!”

Alice could have pushed harder. She could probably have broken him at this stage and extracted his secrets. But she couldn’t. Guilt suddenly surged through her. Whatever was going on, Gus was obviously frightened of her figuring it out. This wasn’t a game to him, but she’d been treating it like one. Eddie was a friend of hers and she trusted his judgment. If he said they weren’t dangerous, she believed him. Pushing would just lose her a potential friend.

“Hey, there’s nothing to worry about,” Alice said reassuringly. “I’m just trying to be friendly, that’s all. If you’ve got secrets, I’ll let you keep them. Now…is there anything more I can do to help?”

Gus looked embarrassed. “Well…uh, back in, um, Oregon, we didn’t really have social media. Could you maybe…give me a crash course?” He looked petrified for a moment, no doubt worried that his cover – whatever it was – had been blown.

But Alice just acted as if he’d asked a perfectly legitimate question and proceeded to give him a crash course on the various social media networks, such as Twitter, Facebook, Tik-Tok, and Tumblr, as well as the dangers thereof. The last thing Alice wanted Gus doing was falling down a conspiracy rabbit hole.

“So on some sites like Tumblr and Twitter,” Alice said, “you can figure out what’s popular right now by looking at the trending topics.” She showed Gus the trending topics on Tumblr as an example. “They’re not always comprehensible at first glance. Like, I have no clue what the Boiling Isles is…”

She trailed off as she noticed the dumbstruck look on Gus’s face. He looked almost ready to collapse from shock. “Gus…are you okay? Can I, like, get you a glass of water or something?”

“Why…why are the Boiling Isles trending, Alice?” he managed to get out, his voice shaking from nervousness and maybe fear.

Alice had no idea what about that place caused him so much distress – she’d never heard of it before – but she knew how to get more information, so she clicked on the link and eventually, it led her to a Tumblr site entitled A Witch Among Humans.

So let me introduce myself, read the description. My name is Astrid Clawthorne, daughter of the most wanted criminal in the Boiling Isles. I was born and raised as a wild witch, and have become a master of all kinds of magic. My mission? Keeping our people out of harm’s way and taking back what was taken from us. During a quest that went terribly wrong, I was sent to another realm, to here, a place called Earth. For the past few months, I’ve been trying to fit in, meeting new people, saving the city, and also…falling in love? But I don’t belong here. Eventually, I’m going to leave this world behind. I will find my way home, whatever it takes. My name is Astrid Clawthorne. I’m a witch among humans, and this is my story.

Gus looked absolutely gobsmacked as he looked down the page on Alice’s phone. “She knows the glyphs,” he muttered. “She’s searching for more information on how to build a portal…I have to find her!”

Alice put up her hands. “Whoa there, buddy! You can’t just meet up with random strangers you meet on the internet. That’s a great way to get yourself killed!”

Gus laughed. “Come on, look at these entries! She’s a superhero! Protecting the good people of Hartford from evildoers. Besides, I know her mom.”

Alice blinked. “Wait a second. You’re telling me this is real. You really think it’s real? Like, magic and demons and all that, it’s real?”

“Yeah,” Gus said. “I mean, this site is legit. She knows details that only someone who knows of the Demon Realm would know.” This was just getting stranger and stranger. “So come on, Alice, help me find her.”

“There is…no! No, I’m not going to help you find her. Magic isn’t real. Everyone knows that, Gus.”

Gus twirled his finger, a ring of blue light appeared out of nowhere, and his ears suddenly turned pointy. Alice’s jaw dropped. “You…how…what?”

“Astrid’s not the only witch among humans,” Gus admitted. “I trust you. Are you in or out?”

Alice took a few deep breaths. In truth, she really hadn’t expected there to be a supernatural explanation. Her working theory was starting to be that Gus and his friends were raised in isolation as part of some bizarre social experiment. But Alice wasn’t exactly one to ignore the evidence of her own eyes. “I guess I’m in…but only if you give me a full explanation.”

Gus proceeded to tell his story. It lasted quite some time. Were it not for the fact that he could clearly do magic, Alice would have pronounced him in serious need of mental help. As it were, Alice thought it was just the coolest thing ever. And she had to admit, it made a lot more sense than Eleanor’s ridiculous alien theory. Alice had always hoped there was more to the dull, humdrum world than there appeared at first glance, and to learn she was right was immensely satisfying.

“So is Hunter really Caleb Wittebane, then?” Alice asked after he was finished telling her everything.

“He’s not,” Gus said flatly. There was more to it than he was saying, she could tell, but she knew that the absolute worst thing she could do right now was to ask further questions on this topic. “You believe me, then?”

Alice nodded, surprising herself with her eagerness. “I can’t imagine what it’s like to be stuck in an entirely different world. I don’t think I’d be adjusting to it half as well as you did.”

Gus looked genuinely flattered by that. “Well, thanks! So how are we going to track her down?”

Alice shrugged. What did she know about magic? Nothing, really. Just what she’d read in Harry Potter, and since Luz – no, Vee, her name was Vee, and Lucia was Luz – wasn’t going around turning people to stone or killing them at a glance, she was pretty sure the rest of it probably wasn’t accurate either. “What about your friends? Can they help?”

“Yeah,” Gus said with a nervous laugh. “Kind of think I might be in some trouble for telling you everything, though.” And with good reason. Gus knew nothing about Alice; there was no way Alice would have done the same in his shoes. Had Mrs. Noceda not impressed upon them the importance of confidentiality?

“Well, we’ll work that out together,” Alice promised him.

Alice let Gus take her to Mrs. Noceda’s house. It seemed rather small a place for seven people to be staying, in Alice’s opinion. At first, she’d thought that maybe they used magic to make it bigger on the inside like the TARDIS, but, nope, as she discovered when she went into the house, it was exactly as small as it looked on the outside.

But when she stepped into the house, her speculation over its size quickly came to an end as a freaking velociraptor came out of nowhere and growled in her face. An actual, living dinosaur! If Alice had any doubt about the magical origins of Gus and his friends, it was certainly dispelled in that instance.

“Hi, I’m Alice!” Alice said perkily, not letting her voice betray any of the immense fear she was feeling inside. Humans may never have encountered dinosaurs before, but they were still huge frigging reptiles and Alice had watched every single Jurassic Park film, so to say Alice was freaked out was a massive understatement. “What’s your name?”

“Her name’s Azura,” a voice called out and Luz – the real Luz – stepped out of the shadows dramatically. She held her hand out and Azura shrunk into a miniature version of herself atop a staff, which she leaned against a sofa. “And if you know what’s good for her, you won’t say anything about her.” Well, it wasn’t as if anyone would believe her, so Alice had no problem with giving a firm nod. “Good.”

Luz looked over at Gus disapprovingly. “Seriously? You told her? You really need to run these things past us first, Gus. First it’s Eddie, now Alice…we can’t just tell everyone.”

“Well, someone is,” Gus said. “That’s why we need her help.”

Gus explained everything to Luz, who looked devastated for some reason. “So…so Eda had a daughter in the Human Realm and she never told me? Was I…just a substitute for her all along?”

“That’s silly!” Gus said, not a note of doubt in his tone. “Eda cares about you because you’re you! Look, we don’t know if she’s really her biological daughter. She could be another surrogate daughter like you.”

Luz sat down on the couch and shook her head. “This just…it doesn’t make any sense. Eda had the portal. Apprentice, daughter, whatever – she could have rescued her.”

“Maybe someone made her forget her,” Alice suggested, not having any clue if what she was saying was anywhere close to possible. “We don’t know the full story.”

“We have to find out,” Gus announced. “We have to meet with Astrid and find out the truth. Alice, thanks for helping, but I think we’ve got it from here.”

Alice burst out laughing. Was he joking? Gus and his friends may have had access to powerful magic, but Alice knew about the Human Realm. By the entries on the website, Astrid had been in Hartford for some time and had clearly managed to blend in. Something that her contemporaries were failing rather epically in doing. “Look, you’re not meeting with this person without me. I can help protect you. I may not have magic, but I can borrow my mom’s taser, and I’ve taken martial arts lessons.” Not that she did very well in them, but they didn’t have to know that.

“Well…you’re involved in this already,” Luz admitted. “Thanks for that, by the way, Gus. Mami’s gonna love hearing there’s another security breach.” Gus gulped. “I just don’t understand why she’s made a Tumblr account. Why tell everyone the truth?”

“It’s not like anyone really believes in magic,” Alice reminded them. “The days of the witch hunts are long past.” Both of them winced. Maybe that had been insensitive. “I mean, everyone who reads this thinks she’s just roleplaying, nothing more. It’s actually the perfect disguise – hidden in plain sight.”

Luz sent a message asking to meet with Astrid at a restaurant in downtown Gravesfield the next day for lunch, saying only that she had vital information about Eda. Several minutes later, she got a reply asking to meet at the Gravesfield Historical Society instead. A grim expression came on Luz’s face when she read the reply. “So it’s a trap. I don’t know how that curator guy got his hands on all this information, but he’s obviously going after us.”

“Curator guy?” Alice asked. “Isn’t Michael’s aunt the curator?” Michael was in her history class, and she recalled he was a friend of Vee.

“Yeah, but her predecessor tried to have Vee dissected,” Luz said with a shudder. “He’s a huge conspiracy theorist. He thinks witches are demons are real, yeah, but he also thinks they’re from Mars and want to steal human teeth to harness their time machine.”

“And they don’t, right?” Alice said, just to be absolutely certain. Right now, after learning magic was real and encountering a real life dinosaur, she’d believe in pretty much anything. Luz just gave her a withering glare in response.

Gus looked contemplative. “Look, this may be a trap, but he’s got information we need. The glyphs listed are real. The descriptions of the Demon Realm are accurate. That means he has some source of information, maybe a book or something, that told him all that. We need to figure out what it is.”

Alice rolled her eyes. How the hell did these people survive so long? “Or, here’s a thought, we don’t walk into a trap set by the paranoid conspiracy theorist who might kill us all?”

“Nonsense!” Luz said, and Alice could sense instantly that she’d lost all hope of getting her to listen to reason. “I’ve faced down an evil witch hunting lich twice!”

“And, uh, you kind of lost twice, Luz,” Gus reminded her.

“TRIVIALITIES!” Luz said as melodramatically as possible. “We’re going to that meeting.”

The rest of the afternoon was spent with Alice quizzing the two of them on magic, the Demon Realm, and their own experiences. Alice was really glad to hear Luz had found a place that taught her to be herself but in a constructive fashion. It sounded like a much better fit for her than Camp Reality Check had ever been. Alice remembered what Luz had been like before she encountered the Demon Realm. She’d been a whirlwind of energy and just exhausting to keep up with. She seemed much more in control now.

The next day, which happened to be a Saturday, she rendezvoused with Gus and Luz in front of the historical society. Luz had her palisman in staff form in her hands. It attracted some rather strange looks, but no one suspected for a second it was secretly animate. True to her word, Alice had “borrowed” (read: stolen and prayed profusely that her mother wouldn’t notice) a taser and it was securely kept in her purse. She wasn’t going to let some whacko conspiracy theorist take her out. Not now that she knew magic was real.

“I can’t believe I may get to meet Eda’s daughter!” Luz said, bouncing on her feet with excitement. “I wonder what she’s like. Oh, gosh, what if she inherited the curse? Do you think she knows about King? She must have left a long time ago, because he would have mentioned her otherwise, but maybe she knew him as a baby?”

Gus put a hand on Luz’s shoulder to calm her down. “Relax, Luz. Remember, we could be walking into a combat situation here.” Luz took a few deep breaths and then put a determined expression on her face. It was almost jarring how serious she looked. Luz had told her that she’d faced monsters and an evil emperor, but Alice had never really thought of her as a warrior until that moment. It made Alice sad. Someone Luz’s age should not know what combat was like.

The three of them charged into the history museum. “Can I help you?” a cyan-haired woman asked. She must have been the new curator.

“We have an appointment…with Astrid Clawthorne,” Luz said, pausing dramatically in the middle of her sentence for no apparent reason.

Michael’s aunt – Marcia, by the nametag she was wearing – gave a nervous laugh. “Yeah…you got that she wasn’t real, right?”

“What?” Gus shouted.

“Look, I thought it was kind of obvious,” Marcia pointed out gently. “You know…witches, monsters, the Demon Realm, that stuff’s just fictional.”

“I don’t understand,” Luz said, her voice cracking slightly.

Marcia sighed. “I should have known people would believe this, but…kids?” She took a deep breath. “Sorry, but A Witch Among Humans is just an ARG.” Gus looked bewildered, unsurprisingly. “An alternate reality game. It’s an elaborate story I made up with the help of my nephew to draw visitors to the history museum. A new, modern twist on the legend of the Wittebanes. Look, I’m going to put a disclaimer on the site soon, make sure this won’t happen again.”

Luz found a nearby chair and sat down in it, looking devastated. “Michael told you about the Demon Realm, didn’t he? The glyphs, the details about the Demon Realm, you got it from him.” Marcia nodded. “There never was an Astrid Clawthorne. And we’re back to square one.”

“Not necessarily,” a voice called out, and Michael walked of a backroom to join them. “Aunt Marcia, don’t freak out, but the details I provided you…are real.” 

Marcia burst out laughing. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever…” Luz snapped her fingers and Azura turned to its full size. Marcia’s eyes went absurdly wide. “…heard. Holy shit!”

“Language!” Alice snapped. Gus may have been claiming that he was fourteen, but he was almost certainly younger. Gus just rolled his eyes at what must have been one of many attempts to shield him from profanity.

“I think you owe us an explanation about why you blew our cover!” Luz shouted at Michael. Azura let out a roar so loud that Alice lost her hearing for a few seconds.

Michael put up his hands placatingly. “Look, I know this looks bad. But I didn’t weaken your cover; I made it stronger!” Luz raised an eyebrow in skepticism. “I didn’t include any details about you all, I promise.  The only thing that’s true on that site is the setting and the lore. Now if someone hears you talking about the Demon Realm, you can just say you’re talking about the site!”

Alice did have to admit that what he was saying made sense. But Michael still should have gotten their approval beforehand, in her opinion. “So that’s why you did it, to give them cover?”

Michael shook his head. “What I wanted to do was crowdsource information that could help you rebuild the portal. Even people who don’t really believe in this stuff will be willing to help out if they think they’re playing a game. I’ve already gotten a couple of leads. I mean, none of them have panned out so far, but that’s not to say I won’t get more valid ones in the future!”

Gus looked over for Luz for insight; this was clearly outside of his wheelhouse. “Michael, I’m really disappointed in you,” Luz said quietly. “You should have told us. You…you made me think…” She let out a quiet sob. Alice could tell she was trying to hide it, so she pretended she didn’t notice. “I think it’s going to take a while for me to forgive you.”

Marcia still looked befuddled. “So…I’m sorry, but I’m still running behind here. The Demon Realm is real?” Everyone nodded. “The Wittebanes were really lured there by a witch?”

“No,” Luz growled. “That’s a lie. The Wittebanes just fell through a hole in dimensions. Caleb embraced the wonders of his new home. But Philip gave into his hatred and plotted to kill everyone there. When Caleb wouldn’t fall in line with him, Philip murdered him.” Marcia let out a soft gasp. “Philip used dark magic to prolong his life in an effort to destroy all magic. He became the evil Emperor Belos. My friends and I defeated him, but at a cost: my friends are stuck here, away from their families.”

Marcia tilted her head. “He used magic to try to destroy magic?”

“Yeah, trust me, that wasn’t the end of his hypocrisies,” Gus muttered. “The things he did to Hunter…” He cleared his throat, clearly having said too much. “We need you to keep this secret.”

“Absolutely,” Marcia said immediately. “And I’ll help in any way I can. I’ll start putting out feelers in the historical community to see if anyone knows anything more – don’t worry, I’ll be subtle. I’ll just say I’m looking for new material for the ARG.”

Luz abruptly stood up and charged out of the building. Alice held her hand up. “I’ll take care of this. And, Michael…you’d best pray this doesn’t backfire on you, because I will not defend you if Luz decides to feed you to her velociraptor.”

Alice walked out of the building and sat down next to Luz on the bench across the street. “I’m sorry this turned out to be a dead end.”

“I miss her so much,” Luz said, and then she burst into real, genuine tears. “I miss Eda. I thought…I thought I finally found someone here who knows her…that I can swap stories with…who could convince Mami that she’s a good person. I thought I had more family here.”

Alice didn’t know how to ease that pain for sure, but she thought she had a pretty good way to start. “You may not have more family than you knew, but you do have more friends. The GSA is behind you 100%. I mean, they think you’re, like, aliens. The outer space kind, I mean. And time travelers. And time traveling aliens. But we’re still behind you. We won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

“Thanks, Alice,” Luz said with a smile. It was a wan, shaky smile. But it was still a smile, and that was enough.

*****

Not for the first time that day – or even the tenth – Eddie wondered if he’d made a mistake asking out Hunter. Not because he thought for a second Hunter would treat him badly. But Eddie had never so much as asked out a guy since he realized he was bi, let alone a member of a whole other species. There were so many unknowns about witches. What if the flowers Eddie had brought were considered a deadly insult? What if they had sex on the first date? What if they ate their partners when they mated like praying mantises?

But Eddie had asked Hunter out nonetheless at lunch in school on Friday, and now it was Saturday, and Eddie had no choice but to work past his misgivings. After all, only an asshole of epic proportions would stand up someone. He tried to focus on the positives, on the things he knew about Hunter. He was sensitive yet strong. A person who cared with the entirety of his heart and no less. Someone who was just so frigging adorable when he infodumped about the Revolutionary War and various superhero comics, which apparently was a relatively new interest of Hunter’s.

And though Eddie was not a person who focused foremost on physical attractiveness when looking for a partner, he could not deny that Hunter was drop dead gorgeous.

So Eddie rang the doorbell, the flowers held awkwardly in his arms. Hunter answered the door, dressed in clothes that looked slightly upscale, but not to the point where they’d overly stand out in a more casual environment. Hunter’s gave a wide smile when he saw him. God, did he have any clue how cute he was, especially with that tooth gap of his? Probably not.

“Hi!” Eddie said, his voice sounding way more high pitched than he wanted. “I got these for you. Pretty flowers for a pretty witch.” Given that Hunter was questioning his gender identity, Eddie had decided to try to avoid using gendered terms whenever possible around him. “Do…do you like them?”

“I sure do!” Hunter said, and strode into the house to put them in a vase in the living room. Eddie walked into the house too and Mrs. Noceda stepped out from behind the door where she’d been hiding. Evidently, Luz had inherited at least some of her dramatic flair from her mother. Mrs. Noceda had Hunter step out for a little while so the two of them could have a talk.

“So, Eddie, we need to talk about your intentions with Hunter,” Mrs. Noceda said, and Eddie couldn’t help but shake a little in fear. “You may have notice that he’s had some…difficulties. It would probably be best if you didn’t try to touch him by surprise and let him initiate more intimate touch, like kisses. Of course, I’m just guessing here. If he tells you otherwise, go with that.”

Eddie nodded. “I’m not really interested in doing much with him like that, honestly, for the first date. I’m not even sure if I’m going to kiss him goodnight. I know moving slowly is best. Uh…witches don’t kill people when they mate like praying mantises, do they?” Eddie immediately winced at the insensitive comment the moment the words left his head.

Thankfully, Mrs. Noceda just laughed. “No, no, no! Though I could definitely see Amity’s mother, the perra, doing that…” She smiled warmly. “It’s going to be fine, Eddie. I know you’re a good person. But I warn you, if any harm comes to Hunter at your hand…la chancla awaits you.” Eddie had no clue what la chancla was and by the sounds of it, he really didn’t want to know either.

Mercifully, the shovel talk seemed to be over at that point. Hunter and Eddie left the house and got into Eddie’s dad’s car. Eddie had just gotten his driver’s license and was eager to show off his skills to Hunter. Hunter didn’t seem very impressed. Probably he didn’t even realize it was a big deal. Well, Eddie wasn’t one to brag.

Eddie drove them to the Gravesfield Mall. He was worried conversation would be awkward, given the fact they were from literally two different worlds. But it didn’t turn out that way. Hunter was eager to talk about his newfound love of Wonder Woman and shared stories about his time in the Boiling Isles. They were quite selective, Eddie realized, and he was kind of suspecting Hunter was embellishing them a little. But Eddie wouldn’t push.

Hunter especially liked talking about his time playing a sport called Flyer Derby with his team, the Emerald Entrails. And he talked about Willow a lot. Eddie wondered if Hunter realized how much he talked about Willow – about how strong she was, how fearless, how powerful. Eddie felt jealousy squirming in his stomach whenever Hunter told these stories and found himself changing the subject a lot.

“So…we’re going to go shopping?” Hunter asked, sounding a little lost as they walked into the mall. Had he ever actually been on a date before, Eddie wondered?

“Well, yeah, but not for what you might suspect,” Eddie said, a trace of smugness in his voice. The idea he’d come up with was either the best one or the worst one he’d come up with, with very little room in the middle. “You trust me?” Hunter looked as if he was genuinely pondering the answer to that question rather than taking it in the rhetorical spirit it was asked in. Eddie tried not to be offended.

He dragged Hunter over to his destination: the Build-A-Bear Workshop. True, some people would have considered it to be too childish – Eddie probably wouldn’t have taken a human there on a date out of fear of being made fun of – but Hunter didn’t understand or care about such things. Sure enough, Hunter looked in awe of the various stuffed animals lining the shelves.

He let out a gasp as he saw a plushie of a pink anthropomorphic frog. “Sprig,” Hunter whispered, and made a beeline for it. “I had a plush exactly like this one back home.” He gave a grimace. “I mean, in the castle. How did it get here?”

Eddie shrugged. By the attached label, it was a genuine Build-A-Bear product. Maybe Hunter’s plush had gotten to the Demon Realm from the Human Realm rather than the other way around? “Let me buy it for you,” he offered. “It’s the least I can do for you.”

Hunter looked about to protest, but he took one look at Eddie’s resolute face and gave in immediately. Eddie couldn’t help but feel exceptionally pleased as he paid for the plush. Hunter carried the plush with absolutely no shame or embarrassment on his face as they walked over to the pizza restaurant inside the mall where Eddie had decided they’d have dinner. Hunter’s first experience with pizza had been with the mall’s other, vastly inferior pizza restaurant. It was one thing for Hunter to not like pizza in general, but Eddie, in good conscience, could not allow him to give up on the magnificent food without getting an example of what real good pizza looked like.

“And so I said ‘have you ever seen her play flyer derby? There’s no way she’d ever be afraid of me!’” Hunter said, as he told his tale of how he’d helped beat back the Emperor’s Coven’s attempts to forcibly brand them with a coven sigil.

Eddie couldn’t help but let out a frown. “Hunter…do you have a thing for Willow? It’s just, you talk about her a lot, and…well, you talk about her the way I talk about you to other people…”

“WHAT?!” Hunter shouted so loudly people stared at him. “No! No, of course not! I’m here on a date with you, aren’t I?”

Eddie sighed. He wondered if Hunter understood just how badly he had it for Willow. Knowing Hunter, it was entirely possible he did not. “You’re right,” he lied. “Sorry I doubted you. Just a momentary crisis of confidence there.”

“I don’t know what you have to be unconfident about,” Hunter said, sounding genuinely bewildered. “I’m having an incredible time, and you’re a really handsome, funny, smart guy who’s just…really neat, you know?”

“Thanks, Hunter,” Eddie said, genuinely touched. Just in case, he steered the way to subjects of discussion that didn’t involve Willow. Somehow, and Eddie wasn’t entirely sure how it ended up happening, he ended up having to give Hunter a crash course on the political system and all its various weaknesses. Hunter found it to be exceptionally bewildering, as was to be expected from someone raised by an absolute monarch.

The conversation went back and forth and around in circles, and it was still ongoing by the time they reached the parking garage. “So what’s exactly to stop the president from just launching nuclear bombs and killing everyone?” Hunter asked.

“Uh…nothing?” Eddie said, and cringed. “I never said it didn’t have any flaws…”

“That’s a pretty damn big flaw!” Hunter pointed out as they approached Eddie’s car. Eddie groaned immediately upon looking at it. Of all the times when he could have gotten a flat tire!

Eddie called a towing service, and then his parents to pick him up. But he got a voicemail from his parents, so he reached out to his cousin Jake. Jake was a bit of a weirdo – okay, the biggest weirdo in the history of all weirdoes – but unlike most of Eddie’s extended family (with the very notable exception of his parents), he hadn’t cut Eddie out of his life when he came out as bi. Granted, Jake thought homophobia was a plot by the lizard people to divide humanity in preparation for their coming invasion, but still, it meant a lot to Eddie.

“Just wanna let you know, my cousin’s really weird,” Eddie warned Hunter after informing him that Jake was coming to pick them up. “He believes in all sorts of conspiracy theories, so…just humor him.”

Thankfully, Jake was already in the area so it only took a few minutes for him to pull up in the battered up car. He did a double take when he saw Hunter. Not that surprising, given his uncanny resemblance to Caleb. Hunter had told Eddie that he was Caleb’s descendant. There was more to it, Eddie could tell, but he knew asking more questions would be an extraordinarily bad idea.

“So I finally get to meet the boy who’s stolen my cousin’s heart,” Jake said a few seconds later as he gave Hunter a very vigorous handshake. “Jacob Hopkins’s the name, but you can call me Jake like Eddie does. Good of you for seeing him for the good guy he is. So many guys and girls have passed him up. Lucky for us you had the good sense they didn’t, eh?”

“Thanks so much for picking us up, Jake,” Eddie said.

Jake gave a wide smile that somehow made Eddie feel a bit uncomfortable. “You kidding me, cous? I wouldn’t have missed out on a chance to meet the legendary Hunter Porter for the world. Oh, man, I can hardly get him to shut up about you.”

Eddie was glad when they cut the conversation short and got into Jake’s car. Jake kept on sneaking glimpses over at Hunter, a glint in his eyes that Eddie did not like one iota, but for the life of him Eddie could not figure out what was going on inside his cousin’s head. And the unease Eddie was feeling certainly did not dissipate one iota when he realized that Jake wasn’t driving anywhere close to either Mrs. Noceda’s house or Eddie’s own. “Jake, where are you taking us?”

Jake smirked. “Just got to run a small errand first. You don’t mind, do you, Caleb?”

Hunter stiffened in his seat like someone had shocked him. “My name is Hunter…”

“My mistake,” Jake said, his smirk growing even wider.

Alarm bells started ringing inside Eddie’s head. Beside him, Hunter covertly took his phone out and dialed a number. “You know what, Jake, I’d like you to take us back now,” Eddie said. Jake just laughed. “Right now, you hear me?!”

“That’s not going to happen. Not before we’ve had a chat.” He drove the car towards a nearby forest and stopped just on the edge of it. He reached into the pocket of his glove compartment and came out with a gun.

“Eddie…” Hunter said, looking uncertain.

“I had no idea he’d do this!” Eddie said frantically. “I know he’s weird, but he’s never hurt anyone before! He’s a really smart guy, the conspiracy theories notwithstanding…he had a job at the history museum…”

Hunter let out a gasp. “You’re the curator! Those weapons, those cages, they were yours!”

“That’s right,” Jake said serenely. “I have a holy mission, and you’re going to help me complete it.” He got out of the car and gestured with the gun to get out. The two of them had no choice but to comply as Jake led them into the forest. “Don’t think badly of Eddie. He really was telling the truth. I had no idea you were who you are until I saw you.”

The three of them stopped in the middle of a clearing. “Eddie, I know you’ve doubted the wisdom of some of my beliefs, but I need you to believe me when I tell you this: Your boyfriend isn’t who you think he is. He’s one of the founders of this very town. He’s Caleb Wittebane. And he’s come back from the Demon Realm to lay waste to the monsters of this realm once and for all.”

Hunter just gaped at him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just a kid!”

Jake pointed the gun at Eddie’s head and it took all of Eddie’s willpower to not pee his pants in fright. He had never suspected Jake was capable of anything even vaguely resembling what he was doing now. “You want to try that again?”

“I…” Hunter sighed. “Okay, you’re…sort of right. I’m not Caleb Wittebane…I’m his clone.” Jake let out a gasp. He believed him. Eddie wasn’t sure what to believe. He sounded very sincere, but for all he knew, Hunter could have been just a very good actor. “Philip made me. He got corrupted by dark magic…it twisted his mind, Jake. It turned him from a good man into a monster. He wasn’t even human at the end…just a beast sometimes wearing human flesh.”

Jake’s gun shook in his hands. Eddie wondered if he should be running. For God’s sake, Jake’s finger was on the trigger. Had no one ever taught him about proper gun safety? “You’re lying!” he screamed. “Philip was a noble warrior in the fight against evil! He would never embrace the darkness!”

Eddie’s attention was drawn to a noise above him and his jaw dropped as Willow descended from the air, riding a staff with a bee at the end of it. Her familiar, just like Flapjack was Hunter’s. Willow jumped onto the ground and the staff retracted and her familiar grew until it was about the size of someone’s hand. It buzzed menacingly at Jake.

Jake tried to shoot the bee, but his bullet went wide. “That was a very bad choice you just made,” Willow hissed. Her eyes turned green and before Eddie’s eyes, the leaves of the plants around him lashed out, growing at Willow’s command. They wrapped themselves tightly around Jake’s hand until he dropped his gun. Eddie grabbed the gun and threw it as far as he could away from them. Willow twitched her finger and branches went off the forest floor and got rammed into Jake’s arms. She used the branches to slam him against a tree and used the leaves to wrap tightly around Jake, pinning him there.

And throughout this whole process, Hunter watched her, his mouth agape, drool slipping out of it, looking awed, as if he was watching a goddess.

Willow hovered a branch in front of Jake’s forehead. “Don’t!” Eddie called out frantically. “Willow, I know he’s an asshole, but he’s my family. Don’t kill him, please.”

“He tried to kill Clover,” Willow snarled. “He tried to kill Hunter!”

Hunter put a hand on Willow’s shoulder. “Willow…I know what it’s like to have killing on your conscience. It’s not something I want for you. Not for him.”

Willow let out a shout of frustration and then dropped the branch. She then proceeded to untie Jake from the tree.

Jake crawled over to where Hunter was. “Please, Caleb. Slay this witch. Fulfill your destiny!”

“My name is Diana Porter,” the girl who had once thought of herself as Hunter snarled and then she kicked him in the face so hard that she broke his jaw and knocked him unconscious. Eddie couldn’t help but feel a huge sense of joy that Diana had figured out who she truly was. He’d need to hold onto that…because the conversation that he needed to have next would make the two of them unhappy to say the least.

“Can you give us some space, Willow?”

“Sure,” Willow said, sounding like she had an inkling about what was coming next. “Oh, and Diana?” Diana flinched in anticipation of how Willow would react to her new name. “That’s an awesome name you picked.”

She strode away, leaving Eddie and Diana alone. Eddie took a deep breath. “Look, Diana, I’m not going to beat around the bush…this isn’t going to work out.”

Diana’s eyes widened in horror. “What? No! I…is this because I’m a girl now?”

Eddie very firmly shook his head. “It has absolutely nothing to do with that. I told you I swing both ways. Boy, girl, that doesn’t matter to me. What matters to me is how you were looking at Willow.”

Diana cringed. “I…I won’t deny I feel something for her…but that doesn’t matter! I’ll be faithful to you, I promise!”

“I believe you,” Eddie assured her. “And for a lot of people, that’d be enough. Not for me. I won’t be second in your heart, Diana. You love Willow. It’s obvious. And I’m not going to stand in the way of that. If you ask her out and she says no, then we’ll talk again. But she won’t. Whatever you think you’ve done to not deserve her love…it’s not true.”

Diana looked hopeless all of a sudden. “You don’t know me, Eddie,” she said gloomily. “You don’t know the things I’ve done. I’m a killer.”

“You’re right, Diana. I don’t know what you’ve done. But Willow does. Whatever it is, it hasn’t been enough to make her want to stop being your friend, and it’s not going to be enough to stop her from wanting to be your girlfriend.”

He kissed Diana on the cheek. “Don’t feel bad. I had fun tonight. You did everything right. You couldn’t help your heart from wanting what it wants, that’s all. I know a lot of people say this and don’t mean it, but I don’t want us to stop being friends. Right now, I have a hunch you need as many as you can get your hands on.”

“Okay,” Diana said, shakily. “I…I still can’t believe I actually had the courage to say that…” She cleared her throat. “Can you keep this between us for now? I want to come out at my own pace.”

“Of course, Diana,” Eddie assured her. He walked over to Willow and smiled at her. “She’s all yours now. Congratulations.” 

Chapter Text

When Luz had told her about how nerve-wracking coming out could be, Diana hadn’t really understood it. The concept of homophobia was still incomprehensible to her. It was complete madness, and she still couldn’t quite bring herself to believe it wasn’t some sort of elaborate prank. Diana certainly had no compunctions about shouting to the world that she didn’t care one iota about the gender of her partners. Some would attach the label pansexual to her, but labels seemed silly, pointless, and unnecessary to Diana.

But now…now that she was about to tell the only people she had in her life she was a she…yeah, she could definitely see where Luz had been coming from.

Eddie had left Hopkins unconscious in the forest and taken his car to drive Diana and Willow back to the Noceda residence. He’d decided not to go inside with them, just in case Camila decided to bring out her chancla for breaking up with her. Diana didn’t blame him for that. She had to admit, she probably had it coming for settling for Eddie when she believed, with all her heart, Willow would never think of her the way Diana thought of her.

Diana took a deep breath outside the door. Willow gave her an encouraging smile. And then she walked into the house.

“Oh, Hunter, gracias a Dios!” Camila said as soon as she saw her and immediately swept her up in a hug. Diana felt a vague sense of hopelessness go through her. How would these people ever think of her as anyone other than Hunter? “When Willow got that call, we all feared the very worst! You’re all right? Eddie’s all right?”

“Eddie’s fine,” Diana said. Gee. This was going to be harder than she thought. It was like the words were stuck inside of her, refusing to leave her mouth. “He broke up with me, though.”

“WHAT?!” Gus shouted. He shook his fist. “That bastard! I’m going to kick his ass!”

Diana waved her hands around frantically. “No, no, no! It’s not his fault. I don’t blame him. It’s just…” She knew, if she’d been as smooth an operator as Luz and Amity were, she’d come up with some suave, romantic gesture and sweep Willow off her feet then and there. But she’d just been in a fight. Clover could have been killed! It was not the right moment for that. “It’s just, he said he couldn’t handle being in danger.”

“But that’s half the fun of a relationship!” Luz protested. Camila looked at her with no small manner of alarm. Even Amity looked weirded out.

Diana shook her head. “First of all, there’s something very wrong with you.” Amity nodded fervently. Luz pouted. “Second, I don’t blame him. He was really nice about it. We’re used to danger, but he isn’t. We’re still friends. I don’t want anyone going after him, okay?” Diana looked straight at Gus, who sulked for a little while, then nodded.

“The curator guy attacked us,” Willow informed them. Vee let out a gasp and her basilisk ears spontaneously appeared on her face. “Turns out, he’s Eddie’s cousin.”

“Eddie did not know he was going to do that,” Diana stressed. She believed that entirely. Their encounter with Hopkins had been just a matter of very bad luck, not conspiracy on Eddie’s part. A part of her reflected that she was definitely making progress in the paranoia department.

Willow nodded. “Yeah, the curator took him hostage. I saved the day.” She gave a modest grin. “And here we are.” Diana noted that she left out the part where Diana embraced her true identity. Perfectly understandable, but a part of her had wanted Willow to do the heavy lifting for her.

Well, no time like the present. After all, Diana had faced a lot scarier things than telling everyone she was a girl…even if this felt a lot scarier than all of them put together in the moment. She took a deep breath. “I’m a girl,” she blurted out, and then cringed at the bluntness and abruptness with which she’d announced that.

“I’m a girl,” Diana repeated, “and my name is Diana.”

There was dead silence in the room for a few seconds. Then, moving so quickly Diana could barely track her movements, Luz jumped on her and put her in a hug so tight it almost cracked Diana’s spine. “OH MY GOD!!! I knew this was coming, but I’m still so happy right now!”

“That’s a very fitting name,” Camila said approvingly. “Named after the Roman goddess of the hunt, I presume?”

Diana took a step backwards. Of course she ended up picking a name that still harkened back to the one Belos gave her. “No…no, I named myself after Wonder Woman. I…I didn’t know about that…”

“You can pick a different name,” Amity suggested. She gave an encouraging smile at her. Diana was grateful. There was still lingering hostility between the two of them – at some point, she’d have to do something about that – so it was nice to see Amity had her back.

For a while, Diana contemplated the possibility of picking a different name. But she loved the name Diana. It felt right. It felt like her. It felt comfortable, and as she had told Eddie, discomfort had been a constant force in her life, so anything that felt comfortable was something that should not be set aside cavalierly. Besides, Diana had always liked her old name. Sure, Belos had given it to her, but that didn’t change the fact she liked it. Her clothes, her pronouns, even her body sometimes didn’t fit, but she’d never had any problems with the name. A new name was necessary to let go of her old life – even if Diana had stayed as a man, she’d probably have picked one eventually – but a part of her did like the fact it had a connection to her old one.

“No,” Diana said. “No, I like this name. It’s the name of a heroine. The kind of person I want to be.”

“Congratulations, Diana,” Vee said with a warm smile. “And don’t worry – if anyone gives you grief, I’ll just turn into a dragon and give them a scare they’ll never forget.”

“Vee!” Camila said, sounding scandalized. “Need I remind you all again of the importance of keeping your identities secret? Because it doesn’t seem to be sinking in these days.”

Vee rolled her eyes. “Relax, mami. It was just a joke. The point is, we’ve got your back, Diana. My friends, my family, we’ll protect you. At school, at home, wherever.”

Diana turned her head so no one would see anyone wiping a tear from her eyes. “Thank you.”

Gus walked over to her and gave her a hug. “I’m so proud of you,” he said earnestly. “I love my big sister so much!”

“Aw, love you too, Gus,” Diana said. Once upon a time, she would have felt saying that to anyone was a potential weakness that could be exploited. She would have been reluctant to tell Gus she loved him anywhere except in private, and even then, only sparingly. But those times were past. Diana was moving towards a sense of normality. It would be a long time before she reached it. But she was moving in the right direction.

“So you’re absolutely sure I don’t need to introduce Mr. Falconer to la chancla?” Camila asked.

“Absolutely not,” Diana stated, trying to put as much firmness and sincerity into her voice as possible. She completely understood where Eddie had been coming from. If Eddie spent the entire date unable to stop himself from blatantly crushing on a girl, Diana would have broken up with him too. “I had a lovely evening, Camila. He even kissed me.” She pointed at the cheek where she’d been kissed. “And he was totally cool about me being…you know. It had nothing to do with that.”

Suddenly, Diana was feeling absolutely exhausted. She was no stranger to people trying to kill her, but that, combined with getting broken up with and coming out to everyone had left her feeling drained. “I’m going to bed. Thanks, everyone, for your acceptance. You don’t know how much it means to me.”

“Diana, would you like me to call the school and have your paperwork changed?” Camila asked as Diana climbed the stairs. “I can’t promise it’ll happen right away, but I’m going to get the ball rolling if you want.” Diana nodded. 

As she lay down on the sleeping bag, thoughts went racing in her head with lightning quick speed. It was hard to calm down. As if drawn by that – and likely, he was – Flapjack flew over to her and nestled in Diana’s arms next to her new plushie. I’m so happy for you, Diana.

“Thanks,” she muttered. “I…hope I did the right thing. But still…what if this wasn’t my choice? What if I’m just like this because Charlotte was?”

You’re doing this because it makes you happy. Charlotte was my symbiont once upon a time, and she is not you. You’re not her. It wouldn’t be healthy for you to stay as a man when you’re clearly destined to be a woman. You made the right choice.

Diana did feel better hearing that, even if she wasn’t quite able to believe it in her heart yet. “Is there anything you can do to get me to sleep?” she asked pleadingly.

I can sing you a lullaby, Flapjack offered. Would you like that? Diana nodded. Golden slumbers kiss your eyes, her palisman chirped. His singing voice was melodious and beautiful. Smiles awake you when you rise. Sleep, pretty Diana, do not cry, and I will sing a lullaby. Rock them, rock them, lullaby.

Care is heavy, therefore sleep you. You are care, and care must keep you. Sleep, pretty Diana, do not cry, and I will sing a lullaby. Rock them, rock them, lullaby.

Diana drifted off to sleep with a contented smile on her face.

*****

Camila stared at her phone. A part of her still wondered if she was dreaming when she looked at her bank balance. But it was no dream. The sale of Kidd’s treasure had finally gone through, and there was now five million dollars in her bank account. She’d never thought for a second she’d be anywhere close to as rich as she was now. Not that she had minded that. She’d never exactly come anywhere close to poverty even if she had to refrain from having some luxuries in her life with the financial pressures of raising a child by herself. But still, it was an amazing change in her life, almost as unbelievable as the children she was now looking after.

Now that she was a millionaire – and what a foreign concept that was! – Camila’s life was about to change significantly for the better. First and foremost, she would find a new house quickly. The children under her care deserved much better quarters than sleeping bags in a cramped attic and she was more than happy to give it to them. And, frankly, it’d be nice to get away from the place that seemed haunted at times by memories of Antonio. They’d lived there for the entirety of their marriage, and anywhere Camila went, she was accosted by hundreds of different memories of the only man she’d ever loved.

She also resolved to get a new car, a minivan most likely, with room for everyone, quite unlike her current car, which was a tight squeeze to say the least. A significant chunk of the rest of the money would likely go into college funds for everyone. Camila hadn’t given up on the possibility of everyone returning to the Demon Realm but she was, above all else, a pragmatist and she had accepted the possibility that her daughter had not: that they could be stuck in the Human Realm for the rest of their lives.

But it wouldn’t just be necessities she’d spend it on. Camila was particularly looking forward to spending the money on vacations for her charges, to show them the wonders of the Human Realm. She was already composing itineraries in her head. The last vacation Luz and her had been on that wasn’t to visit family had been back when Antonio was still alive. Luz, Camila knew, always had a yearning to see new things (take, for example, just about everything she’d done in the Demon Realm), and it would make her so happy to provide that to her.

And Luz definitely needed a vacation, in Camila’s opinion. Luz had explained her story to Camila in great detail. The second “season” of events had been much more harrowing than the first. The Blights had tried to kill her! Belos had tried to kill her! She’d come within seconds of being turned to stone. And Camila had not helped in the slightest with her impulsive ultimatum. Camila just thanked her lucky stars Luz had such wonderful family and friends around to keep her safe, happy, and grounded.

Not that Eda wasn’t going to get quite an earful from Camila when she got her hands on her. She’d put Luz at risk and even held her hostage at the beginning. Of course, that wouldn’t come anywhere close to the wrath she’d be unleashing upon Mr. Blight for just sitting idly by and letting Mrs. Blight try to kill her lucecita! Amity may have been on better terms with her father, but Camila wasn’t about to forgive him anytime soon.

Every instinct in her was screaming at her not to let Luz go back to the Boiling Isles, but Camila was deliberately and painstakingly overriding them all. Luz would just sneak off to the Isles if Camila forbade her from going back, regardless of the danger, and then Camila wouldn’t be able to help her at all. Trusting Luz was the only way Luz could trust her in return and that trust would likely be necessary to save her life.

Besides, Camila could not deny that learning magic was pretty darn cool. Seeing the glyphs in action, thanks to the mysterious ability Clara possessed to activate them, was magnificent, but seeing Luz wield magic was nothing compared to the feeling of amazement and accomplishment Camila felt when she used the glyphs herself. Never in her wildest dreams did she ever suspect she’d ever be able to do magic, but now she could. Well, as long as Clara was around, anyway.

Still, Camila didn’t think she’d be particularly interested in pursuing the magical arts further. Mostly, it was because it just wasn’t practical for her. She’d always been terrible at drawing. Luz had inherited Antonio’s knack for artistry. It had been he who taught her how to draw perfect circles in the first place. He was directly responsible for her ability to wield magic, something that Antonio would no doubt be through the roof about if he was alive to see this.

Unfortunately, he was not and Luz had already gently confirmed to her that there was not enough magic in the Human Realm for him to have left behind a ghost, and that magic could not bring back the dead. Camila was at peace with that. She’d made her peace with the idea Antonio was forever gone from her a long time ago. Luz…well, Luz had been a different story. Camila’s heart practically broke in two upon hearing about the anguish Luz felt when she could not complete their yearly ritual.

Still, life went on and Camila felt that, for a single mother, she was doing a damn good job of raising her children and her wards (not that she really made much of a distinguishment between them inside her head). She was particularly pleased that Diana had embraced her true identity. Camila had explained all the various transition options available to Diana, but she’d decided to eschew all of them because of the interference they’d have on the Demon Realm’s much more effective transition potions.

Her mental monologue was abruptly interrupted by the clearing of a throat and she jumped a little at seeing that Lionel MacKinnon had entered her office without her even noticing. “Good afternoon, Mrs. Noceda,” MacKinnon said with a polite nod.

“Good afternoon,” Camila said frostily. She was still not over him tricking her, at least to a certain degree, into taking an Everlasting Oath. “Can I help you?”

“Indeed you can,” MacKinnon said, just the slightest hint of malice in his tone. “I am calling in the favor you owe me. There is a party tonight at the governor’s mansion in Hartford. You will be my plus one.”

Camila shivered at the thought of what MacKinnon might have her do as his date. As if reading her mind, he went on to say, “You will not be expected to do anything physical with me beyond dancing at the party. Nor would I be interested if you sought to do so of your own free will. I prefer my women less strong willed than you.”

At least that was a huge weight off her shoulders. “And that’s all? I just attend the party as your date, we dance, schmooze with politicians, and then we go our separate ways?”

“No,” MacKinnon said. “I will inform you of what I wish you to do at the party. It will not put you or your family in danger, that is all I will say for now.” He smiled exceptionally briefly. Camila almost missed it. “You will not like it. Not one bit.”

Camila put her head up defiantly. “Suppose I say no.”

“You cannot. An Everlasting Oath cannot be broken. You were foolish enough to give me one favor without any restrictions.” Camila did have to concede that was epically dumb on her part. It made Luz’s own Oath with Amity look like the height of wisdom in comparison. Camila had a propensity to make horribly ill-advised choices when she reacted impulsively, which is why she’d trained herself so carefully to avoid doing just that. “With this favor, our bargain is concluded, and I trust you will be more careful before agreeing to another one.”

He took a credit card out of his wallet and placed it on Camila’s desk. “Use this to purchase suitable clothing for the party. I will not have my date dressed in plebian wear. I have a reputation to maintain.”

“Can I use this to buy a dress for Vee?” Camila asked, holding the credit card in her hand as if it would explode if she handled it the wrong way. She had a hunch the amount of money that this card could access would make her current net worth look like small potatoes. “It would make Clara very happy, I’m sure.”

MacKinnon contemplated the question for some time. “Yes, but for no other purpose,” he decided eventually. “I’m sure you wouldn’t like to know what would happen if you swindled me.”

Unbeknownst to him, Camila intended to do just that, though not in the way he was thinking. Camila would indeed purchase another dress, but it would be Diana who would be the recipient of it, a very lavish coming out gift. The poor girl deserved someone who would spoil her a little bit (or, in this particular instance, a ton) after that disgusting excuse for an uncle. Vee didn’t need new clothes ever; she just used her shapeshifting powers to manifest whatever clothing she wanted to wear.

“A limousine will pick you up at your house at 6:30,” MacKinnon went on. “You will be present or the consequences will be quite dire.” Camila gulped. She knew what that meant. He was holding his charges’ true identities over her head. She’d be there, oath or no oath. “And do try to relax while we’re in public. It would not do to have others think there was anything untoward happening.”

He charged out of the room with the same calm, collected attitude he’d no doubt show in a boardroom or at tonight’s party. Camila had to admire the man’s composure. Learning there were other worlds – that his own daughter was dating a being from one of those worlds – hadn’t seemed to faze him at all. Not that Camila had a problem with Luz dating Amity, but she’d be lying if she didn’t say she was at least a little surprised.

You’re never gonna believe it, mom! she recalled the video Luz had recorded after the “episode” that she, for some bizarre and unfathomable reason, called “Knock, Knock, Knockin’ On Hooty’s Door.” I asked Amity out! Well, I mean, technically, she asked me out first, but I was so ready to do it! She’s my girlfriend now! I can’t believe it!

Camila gave a fond smile at the memory. Seeing those videos had been such a load off her mind. She’d worried Luz had been in constant, unending danger – especially after seeing her condition when she returned – and it was lovely to see her finding happiness and even love in the Demon Realm too.

Camila went to the mall and bought the most ostentatious dress she could find. No doubt, if she tried, she could find a much better one – it’d probably just be a drop in the bucket to MacKinnon – but she was pushing her luck already with the little trick she was playing with Diana’s new dress. Speaking of which, the one she picked out would look absolutely stunning on her. No doubt she would wear it on her first date with Willow. Once the two of them stopped dancing around each other and just admitted their feelings, that was. Even Luz could see it, and Luz was so oblivious that, in the video she recorded after Amity had kissed her on the cheek, she had spent a solid five minutes freaking out about how Amity’s obviously platonic gesture of friendship had sparked romantic feelings in her that could not possibly be reciprocated.

She had been forthright to her charges about what she was doing that night and why. They’d all been very hesitant to let her go. Vee had even offered to impersonate her. Camila appreciated the gesture (especially since stupendously awkward would have been a vast understatement to describe Vee impersonating her girlfriend’s father’s date who was also her own mother) but rejected it. She needed to fight her own battles. She would not countenance putting Vee in the slightest amount of danger, not after all she’d suffered.

MacKinnon didn’t even bother coming to greet her at the door. Instead, he just had his chauffeur honk his horn. Camila bristled at his rudeness. She may have been coerced into the date, but at the very least, she was hoping for some basic courtesy. Nonetheless, she decided not to make a fuss. She’d pick her battles, and she knew for certain some very nasty ones were coming up.

“A sterling choice of attire,” MacKinnon said with a polite nod as she got into the backseat of the limousine. He was dressed in a ludicrously expensive looking tuxedo. “Tonight, you will refer to me as Lionel in public. You will not be required to be physically affectionate towards me, as said, but I expect you to be friendly towards me around others at the very least.”

Camila nodded. She had no objection to those terms. “In fact, you may tell others if you wish that there is nothing romantic between us and you are merely there to get to know your daughter’s girlfriend’s father better,” MacKinnon went on. “I should warn you, however, that you will not be believed. Additionally, you should not be surprised if your picture appears in the newspaper. I am not a sociable man and my presence at the party may well be a minor news story in of itself. I will do my best to ensure your name and likeness do not appear in the press, but I may not be entirely successful.”

“I understand,” Camila said. Honestly and paradoxically, MacKinnon’s utterly cold, businesslike manner put her a little at ease. She could understand better now why Clara had as much respect for her father as she did. He seemed perfectly in control of everything. “I should warn you, I haven’t exactly danced with a man in a while.”

MacKinnon shrugged. “Do your best, that’s all I ask.”

Against her better judgment, Camila found herself relaxing on the drive to Hartford. She refused to accept any offers of drinks from the minibar out of a paranoid worry they might be poisoned, though. She had to admit, a part of her liked the glamor of the whole situation. She’d never expected to be moving in the circles MacKinnon moved in, and there was a certain thrill to it.

Once she got to the governor’s mansion, Camila couldn’t help but goggle at the finery on display there. To say nothing of the luminaries who were trying to soak up everyone’s attention. She didn’t just spot the governor, but also several members of the state government, her congressman, and one of Connecticut’s senators. And those were just the people she knew. There were no doubt various more important people.

Camila felt the eyes of the guests upon her when she made her entrance. They were jealous of her, she realized in a flash of insight which left her absurdly pleased. It wasn’t just the fact that she had the richest man in Connecticut on her arm, but how she herself looked. They wished they looked as amazing as she did. That was a gigantic boost to her ego, to say the least.

“Lionel!” a voice called out and Camila let out a gasp which she quickly suppressed at seeing the governor approach them. “My God, what brought you out of the woodwork? You hardly ever attend these shindigs. Maybe it has something to do with this lovely lady right here…?”

“I have the honor of introducing Camila Noceda, a respectable medical professional and the mother of my daughter’s girlfriend,” MacKinnon said, sounding even stiffer than usual. Camila could sense that he had contempt towards the governor.

The governor gave Camila a firm handshake. “Nice to meet you, Camila. You must be one heck of a woman to get Lionel here to emerge from that lair of his.”

A man Camila didn’t recognize sneered at MacKinnon. “Clara’s still on that phase of hers, then?”

MacKinnon’s hand twitched minutely and then he surged forward until he was standing mere inches from the man. “You will apologize at once for your homophobia and your grievous crime of insulting my daughter,” he snarled, true anger, not just the echo of it, all over his voice. “Or I will inundate your opponent’s campaign with funds. Do not think your political career will survive you making yourself my enemy, and an insult to Clara is an insult to me.”

The man gulped. “I…I’m sorry. Sir.”

“Get out of my sight,” MacKinnon said, and proceeded to pointedly ignore the man. The governor quickly found an excuse to get away, leaving him and Camila alone.

“That was quite impressive,” Camila had to concede. “I may not like you very much or trust you at all, but I can’t deny you’re a good father.”

MacKinnon looked actually quite flattered by the praise. “Thank you. And, speaking for the moment as one parent to another, you are quite a good parent yourself.” Camila wasn’t sure she agreed. Would a good parent really hurt her daughter like she had done to Luz? “Parenthood is the most difficult, important job in existence. Running a multinational corporation pales in comparison to it.” He held out his hand. “I believe I am owed a dance.”

It didn’t take terribly long to realize why MacKinnon was unbothered by her dancing prowess: he was just as bad a dancer as she was. Technically speaking, he was perfect, but there was no passion or emotion in his dancing, just rote, automatic movements. It was like she was dancing with a robot. He certainly was no Antonio, who was a marvelous dancer.

“You don’t seem to like the governor very much,” Camila observed.

“I despise all politicians, regardless of ideology or party,” MacKinnon explained. “They have no conception of true power. Look at them, scrounging around for money like they were some beggar on the streets. The kings and pharaohs of old saw what they wanted and took it. That is strength.”

Camila couldn’t help but shiver a little bit at that monologue. “And do you have a better idea?”

“Mankind lost its way when it forsook the way of kingship,” MacKinnon pontificated. “The ancient Egyptians had the right idea.” There it was again, a mention of ancient Egypt. MacKinnon certainly had a thing for them, didn’t he? And yet, curiously, Camila hadn’t spotted any Egyptian artifacts in his mansion other than the bracelet he’d used to bind her. “They believed the pharaoh was a god and possessed absolute authority over his subjects. He snapped his fingers and his will was done. Giving the people a voice was a mistake. Some are leaders and the rest are led. That is the natural order of things.”

Camila probably shouldn’t have expected any better from a man as powerful and rich as MacKinnon, but he was definitely starting to make her feel a little uncomfortable. “Can we get to our business for the night?”

She was worried he might react in a hostile manner, but he just nodded. “Certainly.” He pointed at a nondescript man Camila had never seen before in her life, standing in the corner and looking very uncomfortable to be even at the party in the first place. “That man is Robert Simmons, head of the Public Utilities Regulatory Authority. And you, Camila Noceda, are going to kill him.”

It took all of Camila’s self-control not to hit him at this point. “You can’t be serious.”

“You think I have paid for a limousine, as well as your dress, brought you to this party, and asked you to commit murder just for the sake of a joke? Do you even hear yourself?”

Camila couldn’t believe this was happening to her. It was like something out of a nightmare. “So what, I’m supposed to just go over there and beat him to death with my own bare hands?”

MacKinnon pulled a vial with a clear liquid out of his pocket and handed it over to her. “Put this in his wine and he will be dead by morning. The waiter near him is one of my operatives. If you have an alternative method you wish to use, by all means do so.”

“I won’t,” Camila said immediately. “And you can’t make me do it either,” she realized a second later. “The Oath isn’t effecting me. I’d already be over there by now if it was. Either you didn’t follow through on your end or maybe it just didn’t work in the first place.”

“The Oath may not compel you,” MacKinnon said serenely, “but I do. Your children will suffer the consequences if you refuse. Especially Vee. The military would kill, very literally, to get its hands on shapeshifting power. I can only imagine the things they might do to her if I place her in their custody.”

Camila didn’t want to believe he was capable of that, not deliberately hurting a child, but she knew in her heart he was capable of that and so much more. “Clara would be beside herself…”

“Clara is replaceable,” MacKinnon said, and then something quite bizarre happened. It looked like he was having a seizure. His face was twitching repeatedly and his hands were moving towards his mask exceptionally slowly, as if some force inside of him was preventing him from reaching there.

Then he grabbed onto her arm and looked her straight in the eye. There was something frantic and terrified in MacKinnon’s face. It wasn’t anywhere close to the usual expression he had. “Tell Clara…” he said in a rusty tone of voice, as if he was unused to speaking, and then before he could say another word, whatever fit he’d gone through abruptly ended.

MacKinnon let out a long-suffering sigh. “Fine. She is not replaceable. She, however, is able to be deceived, and I can have her on wild goose chases all the live long day. My involvement in the matter would not be discovered.” He glared at Camila. “You are starting to bore me, and that is not advisable. Do as I ask and our business is concluded.”

Camila clutched the vial, feeling numb, and walked over to where Simmons was standing. How did her life ever come to this? All she wanted was to raise her child, to live a happy, normal life, and now she was being coerced into committing murder! Yet the idea of refusing, as much as she wanted to, was not something she could do. MacKinnon was not Jacob Hopkins. If he handed Vee over to the government, it would be with a plethora of proof and they would believe him or at least humor him long enough to discover he was telling the truth.

Everything seemed to slow and fade around her as she walked over to the waiter, nodded at him, and slipped the vial into the wineglass. Before she could stop him, Simmons took the wineglass off the tray and ingested the poisoned drink.

Camila was a murderer now.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” she muttered to herself as she walked over to where MacKinnon was standing. “Why did you make me do that?!”

“Because you had the insolence to come into my home and make demands, as if we were equals,” MacKinnon said, fury filling his voice. “We are not. You are nothing compared to me, and this hopefully taught you that lesson. It is not a lesson I will teach to you twice. Good evening, Camila.”

Camila ran out of the room, tears filling her eyes, ran into the restroom and sank to the floor. She couldn’t stop crying. She didn’t deserve to. She didn’t deserve anything anymore.

She’d failed her daughters. She’d failed Antonio. And she’d failed herself.

*****

Vee had been Mami’s daughter for a far less significant period of time than Luz, but even she could tell something was terribly wrong when she returned home in a Lyft from her “date.” Mami’s walking was unsteady and she’d been clearly crying for ages.

“What did he do to you?!” Luz shouted. “I’m going to kill him! I’m going to sic Azura on his ass!”

“I don’t want to talk about it, mija,” Mami mumbled.

Diana walked down the staircase and let out a surprised noise. “Oh. Your first time killing, I’m going to guess?”

“How…how did you know that?!” Camila demanded, looking utterly stunned.

Diana shrugged. “Just a lucky guess. That was how I reacted when I killed for the first time too. I think I was…six?” They all stared at her. “Would you stop that? It’s messed up, I get it! Sheesh.” She helped Mami over to the couch gently. “Did you kill him?”

Camila shook her head. “He…he had me kill someone for him. I shouldn’t have done it…but he threatened you, Vee. Oh, I’m such a horrible person!”

Guilt squirmed through Vee’s body. As if she hadn’t done enough to hurt Mami by deceiving her and replacing her daughter, now her presence here had led her to commit murder for her. “Oh, Mami,” she said, and sat down next to her. “I get it. One of my first memories is killing a wild witch. I must have been three. They made me do it. Sometimes, you don’t have another choice. Not if you want to survive.”

Camila’s eyes widened in horror. “Santa Maria,” she whispered. “I can’t believe they did that to a mere child. Please tell me the rest of you don’t have similar experiences.” Everyone shook their heads. “Well, that’s something at least.”

“Just put it out of your mind,” Diana suggested. “That’s what I always did, and it worked perfectly! Look at me now, the picture of mental health!” Vee hoped she was being sarcastic. Somehow, she suspected otherwise.

Amity reached out and squeezed Mami’s arm. “Hey, it’s okay, Camila. You did what you had to do to protect us. We understand.”

“I just…I don’t want to think about this anymore,” she said. “Thank you all, but I just…I just can’t right now. Good night.”

The next few days weren’t pleasant for anyone involved, especially after Robert Simmons, the head of the agency that dealt with Connecticut’s power grid was found dead of his home from an apparent heart attack. But given Mami’s reaction to the news, Vee was pretty sure he’d been poisoned by Mami. Vee wished she could do something to help Mami, but what could be done? She was just one basilisk and Clara’s father was the richest man in the state. Mami spent a lot of time in her room and she was drinking more than usual. Luz assured Vee she’d be okay eventually, but Vee had her doubts.

“I can’t believe this,” Clara said in amazement as the two of them worked out in the gym where they’d originally met. Vee had told her the whole story, even though she’d been initially hesitant. “I mean, I knew Father was capable of murder, but to make Mrs. Noceda do it…it’s horrid. He’s a horrid man. I think I might hate him.”

“So you didn’t know he was going to do this,” Vee pressed her. If Clara answered yes or Vee had even the slightest suspicion she was being lied to, Vee would break up with her right there on the spot.

Clara shook her head firmly, and Vee believed her. “I swear on my mom’s life, I didn’t. I don’t blame you if you hate me for what he did…”

Vee couldn’t help but laugh. Hate Clara? The very idea was preposterous! Clara was one of the best things in her life. She was in love with her, and the two of them were certain they’d be together forever. Vee was already thinking about what she might name their children, though, of course, that was something that awaited them way in the future. “Of course I don’t hate you! I’m just really, really angry at your dad. How dare he hurt Mami like that?! Isn’t there anything you can do to stop him?”

Clara sighed. “I don’t think so, sweetheart,” she said, sounding genuinely regretful. “I really wish there was something I can do, but he’s just too powerful. Hopefully, we won’t have to deal with him anymore.”

“At least until we have to invite him to our wedding,” Vee muttered and took a certain satisfaction in seeing Clara blush ferociously. Funny how just a few words could make her as uncomposed as their underwater make out session had.

Vee opened his mouth to say something, but then the doors to the gym slammed open and Michael ran in, waving a piece of paper. Vee glared at him. She was still not amused at the fact he’d decided to break her cover, if only selectively and in a fashion that technically left her out of it. No one had really forgiven him yet for that. Yet by the looks of how excited he was by what he was holding in his hands, Vee realized that could be changing soon.

“The site finally paid off!” he said without preamble. “I got an email from a student in Würzburg, Germany. It’s from a journal he found in the archives of the university there, of the fifteen century occultist Johannes Trithemius. And look!”

He shoved the paper in their faces. On it was a drawing of a cavern full of floating cubes, and beneath that was a detailed list of instructions written in a language Vee didn’t recognize.

Michael had found a way to build a portal to the In Between Realm.

Chapter Text

Camila was shocked at how easy it was to build the portal to the In Between Realm. Whether or not it would work still remained to be seen, but the instructions were relatively straightforward, especially given the propensity of occultists to be oblique and metaphorical in their verbiage. Of course, the German student who had found the instructions in the first place had done the heavy lifting for them already, given that the text had not only been written in code, but also in an abstruse dialect of German.

But still, she’d expected them to be spending weeks or months figuring out what each instruction meant and assembling materials. Instead, they were able to get it done in a matter of days. At first, Camila had wondered why, if it was so simple, Trithemius hadn’t tried to make his ritual public. After all, setting aside the In Between Realm’s ability to communicate with people in other realms, its ability to allow people to communicate with people in one’s own realm would have utterly transformed the world. Just how different would the world have been if instant communication had been available in the 1400s? Camila bet she wouldn’t even recognize it.

But Trithemius had never actually gotten his ritual to work, and it didn’t take long for everyone to realize why: it required magic to power it. Fortunately, they had a source of it in the form of Clara, who somehow managed to make magic work around her. Camila still hadn’t the foggiest notion how, but she wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

According to Luz, who, after all, had the most experience and knowledge of magical portals out of all of them (a part of Camila still wondered how she’d gotten to the point where she’d just cavalierly thought things like that), the portal should remain permanently active so long as Clara was nearby. It would also be able to be reused later at their leisure. Of course, this was all theoretical. They were working in vastly uncharted territory. But Luz sounded very certain. Of course, she’d also been certain that bringing snakes to a book report had been a good idea, but Camila was choosing to trust her daughter.

Clara had offered use of the backyard in her home to construct the portal, but Camila had quickly shot the idea down. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Clara’s mother, but she wouldn’t put it past Clara’s father to have placed hidden cameras and bugs in his ex-wife’s home. Even thinking of the vile man who had made Camila commit murder for him made her just shudder. A part of her even wanted to forbid Vee from ever seeing Clara again, though the much more logical part of her that knew Clara was not complicit in her father’s crimes was stopping her.

Instead, they were, ironically, going to conduct the ritual in the very room Luz had led her to when she went to the In Between Realm: the back room of the Gravesfield History Museum. Camila had, of course, protested at the thought of Vee having to go to the place where she was nearly vivisected. But Vee had pointed out that she knew no one in the Demon Realm and thus wasn’t interested in participating in the ritual anyway, even with her girlfriend an essential part of it. She was instead going to be spending the afternoon with her friends.

“I still can’t believe I’m going to get a chance to see real, actual magic!” Marcia said as she led everyone into the back room. “This is the coolest moment of my entire life.”

Camila had, much to her surprise, become good friends with Marcia. It was a huge weight off her shoulders to be able to talk to an adult about all the otherworldly things that had been happening to her recently. Camila had been horrendously stressed recently, and been trying her best to hide it from everyone so they wouldn’t feel like they were burdens. (And, yes, she was well aware that was exactly the sort of behavior she’d been trying to discourage Luz from doing.) Being able to talk to Marcia, friend to friend, instead of mother to child and/or ward had helped her immensely.

“Oh, not just that,” Luz said. “If this works, I’ll gladly show you how to use the glyphs and you can do magic yourself! But only when Clara’s around in this realm. Still not sure why yet. You’re sure you’re not some sort of demigoddess, Clara?”

Clara laughed. “Vee would say I’m beautiful as one! But I’m pretty damn sure I’m human. If Father was a god, he’d be ruling the world by now.”

“Can we cut the small talk?” Diana suddenly snapped. “I don’t want to wait another second to reunite Gus with his dad.”

Well, that was fair, Camila supposed. Together, they set up the various elements for the ritual. Camila strongly suspected the ritual didn’t need to be as elaborate as it was, but she wasn’t entirely sure, so she went along with it. There was a lot of chanting in German. (Figuring out how to pronounce all of the unfamiliar words perfectly – a number of which weren’t a part of modern German at all – had actually been the hardest part of setting up the ritual.) The chanting was mostly about invoking the powers of various angels, asking for heavenly protection, and various other things. The actual materials for the ritual had been easy enough to find, though some of them they’d had to order online.

A circle had been drawn in chalk and everyone had taken positions outside of it. When the final words of the ritual had been spoken, everyone, even the magical visitors, let out a gasp as the floor of the circle just disappeared and beneath it was the In Between Realm. “That’s it!” Luz called out. “That’s where I was! We’ll contact Eda from there!”

“You mean I’ll be doing it first,” Camila reminded her.

“But –”

“No buts!” Camila snapped. “This was part of the agreement we made, remember?” The reason for that, though she hadn’t told Luz, was that Camila didn’t want to burden Luz with having to tell her friends if something had gone wrong in the Demon Realm. The secondary reason, the one she had told Luz, was that she didn’t want to bring Luz to the further attention of the Collector if they were still out there.

Luz sulked, but held out her palisman. Azura was in staff form but some primal part of Camila still feared it would turn back into a regular sized dinosaur and eat her. It was shameful to admit, but Camila was very uncomfortable having Azura in her house. Try as she might, the image of the raptors in Jurassic Park and their brutality would not leave her head, no matter how much Luz insisted the depiction of them was an insult to all paleontological dilettantes everywhere. But she set her fears aside, because she knew Luz was giving her an extremely large gesture of trust, letting her ride on her palisman.

“Thank you, Luz,” Camila said. “I appreciate this more than you know. Oh, and thank you too, Azura.” Azura gave her an extremely discomforting smile which simply did not belong on a reptile like her, in Camila’s opinion.

Camila grabbed onto the staff and, taking a huge deep breath, allowed Azura to fly her down into the In Between Realm. It was an extremely bizarre thing, going into a realm that her brain was telling her should not be there. Her mind was rebelling against the idea that there was anything beyond dirt below the surface of the museum. Camila wasn’t sure whether that was a human thing or just a her thing. Luz had never mentioned such an experience, but then again, it might have been different in the Demon Realm.

Nonetheless, the experience didn’t last too much longer. She called out to Luz, and Luz couldn’t hear a word she was saying. Camila didn’t mind; she was sure Azura could relay a message telepathically if need be. Right now, all she wanted to establish was that Luz couldn’t overhear the conversation she was about to have.

Steeling herself, Camila put out a hand, touched a cube, and said, “Edalyn Clawthorne.”

The image in the cube changed so that Camila was looking at what seemed to be some sort of cathedral. There were hundreds of people filling the seats, all dressed up in a great deal of finery. At first, Camila assumed they were there for a wedding, but then she spotted the crown on a tray of one of the officials standing on the pulpit. She was interrupting not a wedding, but a coronation ceremony.

Perhaps fittingly, it was the pint sized demon she recognized from Luz’s videos, King, who was about to receive the crown. On one side of him was Eda the Owl Lady herself and on the other side of him was a man who looked like a normal witch except for the horn crowing out of the left side of his forehead.

Camila wondered if she should come back later – clearly, she was infringing on an important ceremony, and the situation must have been stable if they were coronating a new ruler – but before she could withdraw, King spotted her. By the angle she was to the stage, Camila surmised her image was appearing in a window.

“MOM!” he cried out. “It’s Luz’s mom! I mean, her other mom. Her human mom!”

“Oh, boy,” Eda muttered. “Okay, everyone but family out! That’s me, King, Raine, Lily, and Hooty.” She gave an apologetic smile at the horned man. “Sorry, Steve, but this is a family meeting. You understand, right?” Steve gave her a thumb’s up and started escorting people out of the room. A woman with long black hair who could only have been Lilith, holding a birdhouse with an owl’s face sticking out of it approached the window along with Eda and King and a mint-haired witch.

“Is everyone safe?” Camila said immediately. “What’s been happening? Did you defeat the Collector?”

Eda gave a confident smile. “Oh, yeah. Hooty here took care of him. It was really a battle for the ages. Shame the kid missed it.”

“I ASCENDED INTO MY TRUE FORM, HOOT HOOT!” Hooty screeched.

Camila had heard of thousand yard stares, but the look Eda was giving right now was more akin to a hundred thousand yard one. Camila couldn’t help but shudder a little.

Eda cleared her throat and shook her head to ward off what must have been some truly traumatizing memories. “Anyways, the Collector really got their ass kicked. In the end, he had no choice but to give up their power if he wanted to live. So now they’re living with a foster family. I mean, we could have thrown him in prison, but…they’re just a kid. He didn’t know what they were doing was wrong. Now he can learn.”

“So everyone is safe?” Camila pressed hopefully. “Amity’s family, Gus’s dad, Willow’s dads, Diana’s teammates, they’re all right?”

“Who the hell is Diana?” Eda wondered. Camila decided to not answer that question and let Diana handle her own coming out process, even though she knew transphobia was nonexistent in the Isles. “Yeah, there were some casualties, but no more than a few dozen.” That sounded like a large number at first glance, but in Camila’s opinion it was actually fairly good considering they fought a war with a god. “And, yeah, the kids’ families are all fine! We threw Amity’s mom in jail, though.”

Camila breathed a huge sigh of relief. “I’m going to fly up and tell Luz the good news. You’ll get to talk to her, but not until later. There is much I have to say to you, Eda. And to you, Former Emperor’s Coven Head Clawthorne.” Lilith gulped, fear lining every feature of her face.

So Camila went back up to the surface and informed everyone that all was well to the sound of the largest set of cheers she’d heard in her entire life. Even Diana was crying tears of joy. “I’ll let all of you speak to your families very soon,” she promised, and flew back.

Camila put her most fearsome expression on her face as she returned to the cube. She was very grateful to the love, affection, and kindness Eda had shown her daughter – their daughter now, Camila supposed – but she was not going to let the immense missteps she made during Luz’s time in the Demon Realm go unaddressed. “First of all, how dare you take my daughter hostage? What is wrong with you that you think you can just go around doing that to children?”

Eda let out a gasp. “No, no, you’ve got it all wrong! Luz chose to stay with me of her own free will, I promise!”

“She eventually chose that,” Camila corrected her. “But at first, you withheld her only way back to her home so you could have her conduct a highly dangerous heist for an object you knew was just a toy! She could have been killed!”

Eda looked over at the floor. “I…yeah. You’re right. I’m sorry. Look, I’d been shunned for so long and people kept telling me I was a monster, that I was an evil wild witch that I kind of started to believe the hype, know what I mean? I lost myself in the role. But Luz showed me the error of my ways, and I promise, from after the heist until the portal was destroyed, she could have gone home at any moment.”

Raine looked concerned. “But still…” They blinked. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t introduce myself. Raine Whispers, Eda’s partner, they/them pronouns.” They and Eda shared a dopy grin that was extraordinarily reminiscent of the ones Luz and Amity often shared. “Eda, why didn’t you tell Mrs. Noceda where her daughter was?”

Eda twisted her hands – one of them, Camila noticed, was clearly artificial – until the point where one of them came straight off her wrist. Camila let out a shriek, because it was the flesh one that had come off. “Sorry,” Eda said quickly. “Side effect of the curse. Look, you’re not gonna like what I have to say…”

Camila could guess where this was going. “I’m going to guess this may tie into me being Luz’s Grom fear?”

“I’m gonna be honest with you here,” Eda said, her voice holding a seriousness Camila could tell it rarely held. “I didn’t know if she was safe with you at first. I know more about the Human Realm than I let on. I know you have these things called conversion camps.” Based on what Vee had told Camila, Reality Check Camp was not a conversion camp (at least not strictly speaking), but Camila could definitely see how someone – perhaps even Luz – might mistake it for one. “I asked myself, what kind of a place were you sending her to where she leaped at the first opportunity to go away from it? Even though that opportunity was spending a summer in a strange world. With a complete stranger. Who had nearly gotten her killed already.”

Camila sighed. “Okay. I assure you, you’re quite wrong, but I can understand how you’d leap to that conclusion.”

“But Luz kept telling me all these stories about you, and it sure as hell didn’t sound like you were a bad mom from them. And when Grom showed up…even the worst fears Luz had of you weren’t you being abusive, but you being disappointed in her. I kind of hinted a little she should tell the truth, but, well, you know Luz. Hints sail way past her head.”

“I’m sure her girlfriend would agree with you,” Camila said, unable to keep the amusement out of her voice. “It’s a wonder they even got together in the first place.”

“That was my doing!” Hooty called out proudly.

Eda rolled her eyes. “But what really sealed the deal for me was when she spent so much time trying to find a way to get back to you. She wouldn’t have bothered if she was afraid of you. So…yeah, I’m sorry I kind of kidnapped your kid.”

Camila gave a warm smile. “You’re forgiven for kidnapping our kid, Eda.” Eda’s eyes lit up with hope. “Luz will be staying with you when she does not have school – weekends, summers, and breaks. The rest of the time, she will be living with me. This is how it will happen. There will be no negotiation.”

Eda nodded frantically. “Yeah! Yeah, you got it. So…so you’re cool? Last time she saw you, you were upset…”

“We both said things we shouldn’t have that night,” Camila said, an echo of the sheer pain she’d felt when Luz said she’d chose to stay in the Demon Realm coursing through her. “Cooler heads have since prevailed.”

She turned her head to look at Lilith. “And as for you, you threw my daughter off a fucking bridge,” she snarled. “When I see you in the flesh, I’m punching you in the face, and I have to warn you that I have one hell of a left hook. If you ever want to speak a single word to my daughter ever again, when you see her in the flesh, you will get on your knees and beg for her forgiveness. Literally. Am I understood?”

“Yes, Mrs. Noceda,” Lilith said, hanging her head in shame. In truth, Camila was pretty sure Lilith had already learned her lesson about collaborating with fascist rulers, but a little bit more humility would probably be good for her.

Camila rearranged her face into a much gentler countenance. “Now that we’re done with all the yelling, I want to thank you, Eda. You did what I couldn’t. What I wouldn’t. You showed my daughter how to embrace her weirdness, but in a responsible fashion. You…you showed her support when I didn’t. You made her feel valued for who she was. And you taught her magic, treated her as your own child…eventually. You love her as I do. So thank you.”

“Luz is a special girl,” Eda said without a trace of doubt in her voice. “I’m just glad people see that. I’m glad she sees that now.”

Camila flew up to the surface. Amity loaned Luz ghost to fly on, and together, the two of them flew over to the cube. Luz burst into tears immediately upon seeing her family from the other realm. “I missed you all so much!” she said.

“Luz, I’m sorry!” King said. “I wanted to make sure you were safe…I shouldn’t have let go…”

“Hey, no,” Luz said firmly. “You did the right thing, King. I’m so happy I have you as a little brother.” King gave a smile that practically glowed with happiness. “So I don’t know if Mom told you, but I can come back! Not, like, forever, but every week! Um…so…am I coming back? Is there gonna be a portal?”

“We have our top scientists working on figuring out how to build a new portal, but we haven’t had any success yet,” Lilith explained. “Right now, we’re also having to devote a lot of resources to cleaning up the Collector’s rampage, so that’s slowing things down. But I promise you, we will figure it out eventually, Luz.”

King looked down at the floor, suddenly ashamed. “I’m sorry we started the coronation without you, Luz,” he muttered. “I wanted to wait, but they insisted.”

“During the war against the Collector, the people found out King was a Titan, and insisted he become the new emperor,” Raine said. “It was either that or risk a civil war.”

Camila didn’t exactly like the sound of that. King was, after all, a child. She trusted him with his sister’s life, but could he really handle the pressures of leadership? Did he possess enough wisdom to be trusted with supreme authority? “Um…not that I’m telling you how to run things, but isn’t King a little…young to be in charge?” she asked tentatively.

Luckily, everyone seemed to be understanding of her statement, even King himself. “Governing power will rest in the hands of the newly appointed regent, my good friend Steve,” Lilith said. “Who, I assure you, is an adult. Even if he doesn’t act like one sometimes…”

“Yeah,” King said. “Steve’s a good guy. He won’t abuse his power. I know I still have a lot to learn before I can be the ruler I need to be.”

Raine suddenly nudged Eda. “Tell her,” they whispered.

“Uh, yeah, well, me and Raine are together again,” Eda said. “I, uh, well…I kind of asked them to marry me. They said yes!” Luz let out a squeal that was so loud and high pitched it nearly blew out Camila’s eardrums. “We’re waiting for the wedding until you get back, though, kiddo. I don’t care if we have to be engaged for ten years – you are going to be there.”

“I am so happy for you, mom!” Luz said, and then she flinched and looked over at Camila. Eda looked shocked to hear those words come out of her mouth and looked at Camila as well.

“Luz, it’s perfectly okay for you to call her mom,” Camila assured her. “Remember what I told you. You can have love in your heart for us both. As well as your soon to be stepparent!”

Camila clapped her hands and almost lost her balance for a second. “Well, I’m sure there’s much more to be said, but I don’t want to interrupt this ceremony for longer than necessary. We’ll talk again later.”

“We’ll talk or we’ll talk?” Eda asked nervously.

“Just regular talking,” Camila assured her. “And again, Eda…thank you.”

*****

Amity scorned fanfic cliches. Well, that was what she told herself anyway. She was original and not at all trite, according to her, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. And yet, despite all this, she did have to admit that when she heard her family was safe, it really did feel like she was letting out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding. She’d been consumed with fear over what was happening to her siblings, her father, even her mother. She may have hated Mother for siding with Belos despite knowing his plans, but she didn’t want her to die.

Now, she was going to be doing something she never, ever thought she’d get a chance to do: introduce the mother of her girlfriend to her family. Well, Dad, Edric, and Emira anyway. She had dressed it up as a formal Boiling Isles ritual, but she was actually lying through her teeth. (She may have scorned the twins’ troublemaking, but she had still learned a thing or two from them over the years.) The truth was, Amity felt a lot more comfortable facing Dad with Camila by her side. Years of bad treatment from him didn’t just go away in a couple weeks.

Camila rode down into the In Between Realm on Azura, while Amity rode on Ghost. It’s going to be all right, symbiont mine, Ghost promised. Ghost had always been very possessive of Amity, as befitting the cat she was. He can’t hurt you. Still, Amity couldn’t help being a little nervous.

When it came time to reach out for a cube, Camila gave her an encouraging nod, giving Amity the courage to say, “Edric Blight.”

Amity let out a high pitched scream when she saw what was before her, and with very good reason: She’d shown up in the mirror of Edric’s bedroom in Blight Manor and had a horrifying view of Edric sitting on the bed, making out with Jerbo. Thank King’s father they both had all their clothes on, but still, that was not something Amity had ever wanted to see in her life. “EDRIC!” Amity shouted.

The two multitrackers quickly disentangled themselves. “We were studying!” Jerbo yelped.

“Yeah, studying anatomy!” Edric said jokingly. At least Amity hoped it was a joke. If he had thought she would actually buy that, then it was really, truly pathetic of him. He reached out and touched the mirror. “You’re really here, Mittens…”

“Well, not here, but…yeah,” Amity said, barely able to keep her composure. Her brother was really in the flesh in front of her. She looked over at Jerbo. “Get out.” Jerbo hustled out of the room so quick Amity barely saw him leave. “So…looks like I’m not the only one with a significant other Mom wouldn’t approve of.”

Edric leaned back on his bed, looking smug now that the initial awkwardness is over. “Dearest Mom doesn’t get a say in it. Not now that her marriage has been annulled by order of King and she’s in prison for crimes against witchkind. We’re not the only ones either. Emira finally got her act together and asked out Viney.”

“Thank the Titan,” Amity said. “Do you know how frustrating it’s been?” Edric nodded fervently. They both knew. Emira, in an uncharacteristic streak of nobility for her, refused to admit to her obvious feelings for Viney because she feared what would happen if Mother learned about them. And also because she’d somehow convinced herself Viney wouldn’t feel the same way. Obliviousness was not the exclusive domain of the Nocedas, it would seem.

“It’s nice to meet you, Edric,” Camila said, speaking for the first time. “As I’m sure you’ve guessed, I’m Luz’s mother. Luz told me about how you tricked her into trying to make Amity’s diary public, but I’m sure you’ve matured since then, haven’t you?” Edric nodded hurriedly. “Excellent. Now I’d quite like to speak to your father.” She gave a vicious smile. “It’s not going to be a pleasant conversation – for him.”

Edric looked like Modranicht had come early and he quickly left the room, soon returning with Dad in tow. Dad didn’t look remotely surprised to see Camila in his mirror, just intrigued. Nor did he look afraid. He soon would be, Amity knew. “Alador Blight,” Camila said in an absurdly frigid tone that rivaled Mother at her most cold. “I am the mother of Luz Noceda, and you tried to kill my daughter. You are lucky I am intangible, because were I there in the flesh right now, you would not have any of yours remaining when I finished with you.”

Dad twisted his fingers nervously. “I tried to stop her…”

“You barely tried at all!” Amity shot back. “I stopped her, not you! I got her to stay away from my Luz, not you! You did nothing!”

“Indeed,” Camila said. “As far as I am concerned, your inaction during that incident made you no less culpable than your wife.”

“Ex-wife,” Dad tried to protest. “I’ve changed…I’m doing my best to make up for my past mistakes.”

Camila scoffed. “Of which there are many! Standing idly by as your daughter was abused – and, yes, Mr. Blight, that was abuse your ex-wife inflicted on her – was just as bad as abusing her yourself! You forced your daughter, your seven year old daughter, on her birthday, to cut ties with her best friend. You threatened to ruin said friend’s future! You forced her to be friends with bullies. You turned her into a bully. Had she not met my daughter, she would have become as cold and vile as her mother!”

Amity was thrilled. She’d sometimes dreamed she would have the courage to say this sort of thing to her parents – always knowing it would never actually happen – but the idea of someone else leaping to her defense and Dad having no recourse but to just stand there and take it was simply astonishing. It was almost difficult to believe it was actually happening.

“And let’s not forget about how you stood idly by as Odalia forced Amity to dye her hair. Or how you spent all day in your workshop instead of giving Amity the love and affection she needed! And these are just the incidents I know about! There’s no doubt much more that Amity hasn’t told me – nor should you if you’re not comfortable, querida,” she added to Amity in a much gentler tone.

Dad cleared his throat. “Mrs. Noceda…you’re quite right. You’re right about all of it.” He looked Amity straight in the eyes. “I’m very sorry for how I treated you. I shouldn’t have forced you to give up Willow…to change who you were to meet my approval. I shouldn’t have stood by and let Odalia hurt you time and time again. I was wrong.”

Amity had to pinch herself to see if she wasn’t dreaming. Much to her shock, she wasn’t. “Okay, well…I don’t hate you, Dad. But it’s going to be a long time before I can completely forgive you. Camila has been a better parent to me in the last few weeks than you had in the previous fourteen years. You think on that.”

Dad just nodded. “But I still love you,” Amity went on in a much gentler, kinder tone. “And I’m really, really glad you’re safe. I can tell you’re making strides in the right direction. I mean, you let Jerbo be here with Edric, so…”

Dad looked alarmed. “Jerbo was here? In this room? Just the two of them?”

“You don’t approve, then?” Camila said, her voice icy.

“I don’t approve of them being alone in Edric’s bedroom, no!” Dad clarified. Okay, yes, Amity could definitely see where he was coming from there. “Oh, good gravy, I think I forgot to give him the talk! Hmm. I’d better go and do that.” He wandered out of the room without so much as saying goodbye.

That had annoyed Amity once upon a time. Okay, it still annoyed her. But now, she was happy to accept it as just another one of Dad’s quirks, now that it wasn’t associated with his utter insistence in ignoring all of her legitimate concerns.

“Amity, I’m terribly sorry if I went too far,” Camila said, sounding genuinely worried.

“It’s okay, Camila,” Amity assured her. “Truth be told…I’ve been waiting for someone to do that my whole life.”

“Well, then I’m glad I could help!”

*****

Gus could not begin to say how much of a relief it was to learn that his father was alive. Dad had done so much for him. He’d raised Gus singlehandedly for the past nine years. And how had Gus repaid him? By just running off and joining the rebellion without even bothering to tell him. Not only did Dad have to deal with the crushing feeling of betrayal he must have felt when he realized Belos was out to kill them all, but he also hadn’t the slightest notion where Gus was at that point! He’d gone completely missing, and he’d barely so much as thought about Dad during that time.

At least Gus knew his father would forgive him. But he probably wasn’t going to be in a good mood to agree to what Gus was going to propose. Well, that was too bad. Gus was going to get his way no matter what. Diana needed it, and Gus would lay down his life for his big sister.

Gus had been afraid Diana would be targeted for her transition in school. The school administration had been reluctant to update her records, but after Camila had threatened to sue them (and now she had the money to make that threat scary), they’d backed off. To Gus’s surprise, Diana didn’t really encounter too much backlash. The male bullies were scared of what happened to Ian to risk going after her and the female bullies were too scared of Clara’s wrath. Besides, Diana transitioning had probably been one of the most normal things she’d done since she arrived.

Gus could certainly not argue with the results of the transition. Camila had splurged on a whole new wardrobe for Diana with only token protest from her and to say she looked stylish was a gross understatement. Between that, the makeup, and everyone using her right pronouns, Diana was happier now than Gus had ever seen her. Of course, she still had issues – immense issues – but she was getting better, bit by bit.

“Hey, thanks for going with me to explain things to Dad,” Gus said, as they flew down into the In Between Realm. Willow had already gone before them – Diana had insisted – and had a very happy reunion with her dads. (Though she was grounded when she got back for putting her life at risk, a punishment Willow gladly accepted.) “I really appreciate it.”

“I’m not going to let him harm you,” Diana promised. Gus grimaced. Diana sighed. “I’m being weird again, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, but you figured out you were being weird, which is progress!” Gus assured her. Diana didn’t look particularly convinced.

Gus didn’t end up surprising Dad when he contacted him. It would seem that word was spreading to their loved ones about the visits from the In Between Realm. “Oh, Gus, I’m so glad you’re safe,” was the first words out of Dad’s mouth. “Do you have any idea how worried I was?”

“Yeah…I’m so sorry, Dad,” Gus said, and meant it. “I would have told you…it’s just…I didn’t think you’d believe me. I mean, Belos being evil, plotting genocide…I’ve seen the proof with my own eyes and it’s still a little hard to believe.”

“You’re not the only one,” Dad said grimly. “Conspiracy theories are already spreading about the various enemies in our midst that sabotaged the Day of Unity. But thankfully, Regent Steve doesn’t believe any of them.” He looked down at the floor, shamefully. “The conspiracy theorists don’t want to believe the truth because they can’t stand to face that they were complicit in Belos’s evil. But I can. I was. It was my fault partially, and those of my fellow collaborators.”

Diana pursed her lips. “Trust me, Mr. Porter, it was not your fault. If it was any of our faults, it was most definitely mine. I was the Golden Guard.”

Dad’s mouth dropped open in astonishment. “The Golden Guard was a child? Good Titan below. For Belos to make a child fight…well, I am very glad the man is dead.” Gus sneaked a look over at Diana’s face. It was utterly impassive.

“Diana made some mistakes, but she did them because she thought the emperor was family. But she has a new family now. Me.” Gus put his arm around Diana’s shoulder. “I think of Diana as my sister now. And Dad…when we get back, I’d like you to take her in.”

Diana looked utterly gobsmacked. “You can’t be serious! Me? But…but I’m a stranger to your dad! I don’t even know his first name! Gus, be rational. Why would he take me in?”

“I’d take you in because you’re Gus’s sister,” Dad said, his voice more certain and resolute than Gus had ever heard it before. “Because, if you would accept me as family, I would be honored to call you my daughter.”

Diana seemed utterly at a loss for words. “Whoa. This is…I don’t know what to say.” Flapjack chirped something. He looked very excited. “Okay, fine, I know when I’m outvoted. Yes. I’d be happy to stay with you. I…I’m kind of difficult at times…it’s not going to be easy.”

“Doing the right thing never is,” Dad observed. “Gus, next time you think our ruler is plotting to commit genocide, tell me, okay? I’m sorry for whatever I did to make you think you couldn’t trust me.”

“Of course Gus trusts you,” Diana said firmly, not a bit of doubt in her voice. “Why wouldn’t he? As far as I know, you’re an exemplary father, especially given how extraordinary your son is. He has gone above and beyond to protect me and help me, even when I was acting…”

“Totally nuts?” Gus suggested. Diana nodded. “Thanks, Diana. I mean that.”

The three of them chattered away for a few more minutes, and then the conversation came to a close. Gus moved Houdini upwards, but then he stopped when he realized Diana wasn’t moving. “Don’t you want to talk to our teammates?” Diana said, sounding confused.

Gus smacked himself on the forehead. Duh! He’d completely forgotten about Viney and Skara! Viney may have been informed already of their status by virtue of being Emira’s girlfriend (Gus’s inner wingman felt very satisfied hearing that piece of news), but Skara was less likely to know. Either way, of course Gus wanted to talk to them and he especially wanted Diana to talk to them as well.

They would start with Skara. Gus touched the cube and said Skara’s name and then an image appeared of her in her bedroom. Helpfully, Viney was next to her. The two of them appeared to be working on homework. According to Willow, multitracking was becoming increasingly more common, and by the looks of it, Skara was now multitracking in healing.

“Hi!” Gus called out when Diana wouldn’t say anything. “It’s us!”

“GUS! HUNTER!” the two of them called out and rushed over to hug them, only to collide with the mirror. Diana flinched at the use of her deadname.

Viney gave a nervous laugh. “Totally meant to do that. Emira mentioned you guys were alright, but there’s believing, and then there’s seeing, know what I mean?”

Skara gave a brilliant smile at Diana. “I love your new look, Hunter! It’s so much more you!”

“I can tell her if you don’t want to,” Gus whispered.

Diana steeled herself as Gus had predicted. Gus knew that offering to take on the burden himself was the surest way to make sure Diana worked up the courage to do it. “Actually, my name is Diana now. And I’m a girl.”

Both of the other girls gave a squeal. “Congratulations!” Skara said. “That’s amazing news! And don’t worry about this wrecking your chances with the captain – Willow’s into all genders!”

“Into…?” Diana said, her brow furrowing.

“Uh, you know, into?” Viney said. “As in the huge massive crush she has on you that you had to have noticed.”

Gus was really, really hoping Diana would finally figure it out. Instead, she burst out laughing. “Ah, that was a good one. Really solid prank. I see why you and Emira are a good fit.”

Both Viney and Skara looked concerned. “It’s…not a prank, Diana. It’s really, really obvious she likes you.”

“Okay, the time for joking is over,” Diana said, a hint of irritation slipping into her voice. “We’re done now, okay?”

Gus sighed. “Diana, just for the sake of argument, can you tell me why you think Willow doesn’t have a crush on you?”

“Uh, I don’t know, because I’m a murderer and I tried to kidnap her and I served a genocidal monster my whole life?!” Diana said, as if speaking something very obvious to a young child. “Willow could have literally anyone she ever wanted, she’s so beautiful and powerful. Why would she waste her time with me?”

Both Viney and Skara immediately opened their mouths, prepared to no doubt give many arguments why Diana was, indeed, someone Willow would be and was into, but Gus shook his head. It wasn’t the right time. Diana needed a push, but not from them. “Look, let’s just table this until we’re all together in person, okay?”

“Yeah!” Viney said, thankfully seeing where Gus was going. “Emerald Entrails for life! Diana, I’m going to contact the Healing Guild – we have guilds now instead of covens, by the way – and have them prepare a detailed transition plan for you. You’ll be able to take the first potion the minute you come back.”

“And come back soon,” Skara requested. “It’s not the same with you, teammate!”

“I will do my very best,” Diana pledged. “I miss you both. You’re great friends and I’m so glad you’re safe.”

After they finally flew back up, Clara walked out of the room and the portal to the In Between Realm deactivated. Everyone else proceeded to leave, eagerly chattering about the people they talked to and what got said.

“Hey, Luz, can I have a word in private?” Gus said. Luz looked surprised, but allowed Gus to lead her into an empty storage room. “I can’t take it anymore! It’s Diana. She and Willow are obviously super into each other, but neither of them will believe it!”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Luz said. “I was worried I was the only one who was seeing it. And I’m kind of not allowed to ship real people anymore after the Marinara Incident…but Willana is totally a thing!”

Willana? Oh, Willow and Diana! Very clever. “Yeah, so I’m kind of desperate. I have to get them to at least talk about their feelings to one another. But how?”

Luz gave a wide, confident smile. “You’re in luck, Gus, my man, because I have a plan that is so brilliant, it could not possibly fail. Operation Willana is a go!”

Chapter Text

Willow felt like she was walking on air. Her fathers were alive! Everyone was alive! Well, everyone she and her friends knew, at any rate. She wasn’t discounting the 47 people who died during the Collector’s rampage or the 92 people who saw Hooty in his true form and were permanently driven to madness. But the point was, her family was alive. There was no more reason to worry. True, they were still stuck in the Human Realm. But if they made a portal to the In Between Realm, then surely it would be possible to eventually make a portal between the Demon and Human Realms again.

Now that Willow didn’t have to feel guilty for enjoying herself when her fathers were facing unknown terrors, she was determined to enjoy her time in the Human Realm to the fullest. Her dads had insisted on it. And she was also determined to do something she’d been avoiding for far too long: finally doing something about her crush on Diana. After all, as Eddie had amply proved, Diana was an incredible catch and if Willow didn’t do something quickly, some other human would likely snatch her up.

Diana’s transition didn’t change the calculus of the situation one iota. In fact, from the very first moment they met, Willow had kind of suspected it was possible Diana was trans. Willow just had a sort of inner sense for those kinds of things. Well, actually, if Willow was honest with herself, the transition did change things: it just made Willow even more interested in Diana. Diana was hot before her transition, but it was nothing compared to the sheer magnificence of her in a dress. Willow was getting a little warm just thinking about it.

Willow had confided her situation to her dads. Dad had pointed out to her that there would never be a perfect time to ask Diana out, just as there had never been a perfect time for him to ask out Papa. And Papa assured her that even though it would seem phenomenally scary, the worst thing Diana would do was say no. There was no chance whatsoever it would ruin their friendship. 

And as Maria stapled a poster onto an information board in the hallway of their school, Willow realized she had a golden opportunity to ask out Diana once and for all. It was for a dance that would be occurring soon. Very soon, actually. Willow presumed it would be similar to Grom, with the exception of Grometheus itself. Luz certainly hadn’t seemed surprised by any of the other elements of the Grom celebration, though the punch bowl had almost given her a black eye before Amity took the punch instead. 

“Hey, Willow!” Maria said with a wave. “Given any thought to who you’re asking out to the fall dance?”

“Um…maybe,” Willow said with a bashful smile. Maria nodded sagely. Willow’s crush on Diana was obvious to everyone but Diana herself. If this was what it was like for Amity, then no wonder she was so frustrated. “We’ll see if she says yes.”

“Oh, come on, girl, who’d say no to you?” Maria said with a confident wink. “As for me, my darling partner has already said yes.” Willow had been a little surprised to learn that Maria and Linus were dating, but they preferred to keep their relationship quiet and lowkey. A welcome change of pace to the other relationships in Willow’s social circle, to be sure. The bell rang – there was something disturbing about it not screaming – and the two of them departed to their respective classes.

Willow was just glad she didn’t have any more classes with Diana anymore (their asshole English teacher had forced her to be transferred to another class out of transphobia), because if she had, she would have missed quite a bit just staring at Diana’s beautiful face. As it were, she still missed a fair bit daydreaming about what it would be like to kiss her. Something was going to have to be done, lest her grades slip, and Willow was quite proud of her grades.

On her way out of the school, she needed to go to the restroom, so she went into the girls bathroom (no one seemed to be able to give her a clear answer about why the restrooms were separated by gender in the first place – where were people like Linus supposed to pee?) and then, out of nowhere, someone grabbed her and pulled her into the largest stall. It was Diana. She looked panicky.

“Willow, I have to ask you something really important.”

“Diana, I get that, but is it life or death?” Willow asked. “Because if it’s not, there’s a reason I’m here, and I’d like to get to that before we talk!”

Diana gave a nervous laugh and walked out of the stall. “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Willow was pretty sure she could her saying to herself under her breath. Willow couldn’t help but feel sad and a little angry too. Diana had so little self-confidence. It was like she was completely incapable of seeing herself as the extraordinary individual she truly was. She may have been able to put Hunter in the past through her transitioning, but putting the Golden Guard in the past was much, much harder.

When Willow was finished with her business, she found Diana pacing around the room, anxiety lining her facial expression. Titan, she’d probably not looked that nervous when facing down the emperor. Despite her sadness at seeing her in such a state, Willow couldn’t help but feel a bit hopeful that it meant what she thought it meant.

Diana took a few deep breaths and counted to four under her breath. “Okay…so I’m going to say some stuff that sounds…way off the wall.” Willow nodded encouragingly. “I mean, totally bonkers. You’ll probably be thinking, oh, that Diana, she’s gotta be joking!”

“Diana,” Willow said gently but very firmly. “Just tell me.”

“It has been brought to my attention,” Diana said stiffly, “that I may in fact have developed…that is to say, I have…I…” She looked a bit green around the gills for a few seconds, and Willow was worried she might throw up. “I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU!” she yelled finally. Willow was glad the bathroom was surprisingly well soundproofed; the last thing she wanted was for everyone to hear it.

Diana put her head in her hands. Because of this, she was not able to see the jubilant expression on Willow’s face or the happiness in her eyes. Not that she probably would have interpreted them correctly anyway. “Titan, why? Why did I have to say it like that? What was that, a confession or a battle cry?”

She cleared her throat and adopted a more impassive expression. Her Golden Guard face, whether or not she realized it. “Ahem. As I was saying, I have a crush on you. But that’s not the crazy part. I mean, of course I have a crush on you, because you’re strong and powerful and beautiful and you could probably kill me in, like, a second, and maybe I’m totally crazy, but I’m into that!”

“So the crazy part is…?” Willow prompted, trying and failing miserably to keep the enthusiasm out of her voice.

“Well – and you must understand, this is not my personal interpretation, I’m just relaying what others have said – but some people…a lot of people have stated that you have a crush on me!” She winced. “So…I want to clear things up so this matter can be unambiguously settled, and people can put that frankly ludicrous idea to rest. And also so I can move onto finding someone who likes me back. Like Eddie, maybe.”

The very thought of Eddie getting his hands back on Diana filled Willow with rage. “Well, Diana, maybe…”

“So, Willow, would you be my date to the fall dance?” Diana said, speaking her words extremely quickly now. “And – in for a neonate, in for a snail, right – would you be my girlfriend too? And just be gentle when rejecting me, please.”

In answer, Willow leaned forward and did the one thing she’d been yearning to do for weeks. She kissed Diana on the lips. She tasted amazing. It was an incredible experience, one of the best she’d ever had in her life. She’d actually done some practice kissing with Skara before – nothing more than that – but it paled in comparison to the kiss she was having right now. When they were done – which took some time – Diana just looked utterly stunned, more so than Willow had ever seen her. “Zounds,” she muttered, sounding dazed.

“Let me spell this out for you, Diana Porter. I – I’m sorry, time out, did you just say zounds? Like…I think humans stopped saying that in Belos’s time!”

“First you give me a pity kiss and now you’re insulting me?” Diana asked incredulously.

Willow rolled her eyes. She really liked Diana, but she was honestly acting as dumb as a post right now. “Diana Porter. Hear what I’m saying right now. I have a crush on you. I like you. I want to be your date to the dance, and I want to be your girlfriend. And if you don’t stop this nonsense right now, we’re going to see just how ticklish you really are.”

Diana grinned. “Whoa. I have a girlfriend now…awesome! So…you’re not bothered by all the things I’ve done?”

“Of course not, Diana. You thought you were doing the right thing.” Willow sighed. “You weren’t the only one Belos suckered, you know. He fooled us all. I mean, okay, yes, your example was more extreme, but I still thought he was a good man. If I’d been in your shoes, I can’t say I wouldn’t have made the same choices.”

Diana looked like she was still trying to understand why Willow wouldn’t think she wasn’t pure evil, much less datable, but she was definitely actually trying, so Willow decided to throw her a bone. “Diana, let me tell you what I like about you. It’s everything. Your kindness, your willingness to help your friends at any cost, the way you get so into it when you talk about wild magic, the love you have for Flapjack, and so much more. Even your flaws are part of the wonderful package that makes you, you.”

She kissed Diana again. “And…you know what, you look…what’s the human expression? You look smoking in those dresses you wear, sweetie.”

Diana smirked. “Wait until you see the dress Camila bought for me as a coming out gift. It’s incredible.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Willow said with a wink. “Now let’s get going…girlfriend.”

Diana practically skipped out of the restroom, looking like she herself was walking on air now. She practically ran out of the school in an effort to reach the main entrance, where Flapjack was sitting in a tree, looking extremely smug. “Hey, buddy,” Diana said as Flapjack floated onto her shoulder. “I asked Willow like you suggested…and she said yes! Can you believe it?! We’re dating now! SHE KISSED ME.”  She scowled. “Rubbing it in is rude, Flap. Huh? Yeah, sure I’ll give you my phone.”

She put her phone on the ground and Flapjack furiously typed on it. He had gotten much better at typing since Diana’s trip to New York. When he was done, Diana held the screen out. The message written on it read If you ever do anything to hurt her, I will peck your eyes out.

“Message received loud and clear, Flapjack,” Willow said solemnly.

It was not all that surprising to learn that everyone had gotten back home ahead of them. Willow was about to go inside when she overheard her name being mentioned by Luz. Out of instinct, she had Diana listen in at the door with her. If this was what she suspected, they could all be doomed.

“I still don’t see what was wrong with my plan,” Luz sulked.

“Luz,” Gus said in the tone of forced patience one acquired only through dealing with their exuberant friend. “You cannot get them together by blowing up Philip’s statue and putting a message in front of it saying Willow was responsible. Setting aside the fact that I have no idea how you’d blow up the damn thing –”

“I’m sure I could get my hands on some C4 on the dark web!” Luz said cheerfully. Willow did not know what either of those things were, but she strongly suspected that a) she did not want to and b) Luz should not have been anywhere close to being proud of that.

Gus forced himself to take deep breaths. “Setting aside that, you’d just get Willow arrested!”

“Mami’s rich now; she can hire a good lawyer.”

“Luz, this is just like when you tried to get me and Matt together.”

Willow could practically sense Luz rolling her eyes. “Look, if I’d known you were ace, Gus, I never would have tried, you know that! Fine, it’s back to the drawing board, then!”

Diana gave a grin that could be only described as evil. “Wanna mess with them?” she whispered.

Willow’s first reaction was to say no. But…honestly, she did not appreciate Luz deciding to meddle in her love life. Willow may have been merciless in teasing Amity about her crush on Luz (and, later, the converse as well), but she would never have tried to push them together before they were ready. Luz needed to learn that her friends weren’t…weren’t characters in some fanfiction! She’d teach her a lesson she’d never forget. So she gave a firm nod.

The two of them walked into the house. Both Luz and Gus tried to look normal. “So…how was school?” Gus said in a horribly unconvincing casual tone.

“Not too bad,” Willow said, sounding much more convincing. “Say, Diana, I had a question for you. It’s about the dance that’s coming up.” Luz let out a squeal of excitement. “Do you know if Alice is single?”

The horrified look on Luz’s face was absolutely priceless.

*****

Luz couldn’t understand it at all. She had tried every trick in the book to get Diana and Willow together. She’d locked them in a closet together, absolutely certain that it would get them to talk about their feelings. Instead, Willow had just called Camila and gotten her to unlock the closet and Luz had ended up in trouble, just because she wanted to help her friends. She’d forged a love note from an anonymous admirer, but in Diana’s handwriting, and left it in Willow’s locker, but Willow somehow ended up thinking that Michael had written it, and Luz had no idea how she’d leaped to that conclusion. And she’d completely abandoned subtlety and begged on her hands and knees for them to talk to each other about their feelings, only for them to independently laugh in her face.

To make matters far worse, Willow was flirting with Alice now like it was going out of style. Luz would ordinarily be proud of her friend for having true game in the flirting department – she was certainly glad Willow had never directed any of her skills at her, because even Amity would be hard pressed to beat her – but could Willow not see that her and Alice were never meant to be together? What would their couple name be anyway? Willice? Allow? Both names were insanely dumb, not anywhere close to the graceful elegance that was Willana.

And Diana had been cheering Willow on! Did she not understand the two of them were fated to be together? It was as plain as day! The only thing that would have made it more obvious was if a red string connecting them had appeared on their fingers! Ugh. Being a shipper was hard sometimes. But Luz would persist. She just needed to come up with the right plan.

In the meantime, Luz had been feeling a lot better now that she was able to see her family on a regular basis. Of course, she’d have preferred to be able to touch them, but at least she knew they were all right. Better than all right, actually. The Boiling Isles were a more peaceful and prosperous place than ever before under the enlightened leadership of Regent Steve. Luz was extremely happy King was able to be recognized as a ruler as he wanted (while also very relieved he didn’t have any actual power right now).

But the best part of it? Luz had gotten to see real, actual dinosaurs. Just as Luz had suspected, it turned out that a number of dinosaurs had indeed fled into the Demon Realm. The asteroid, Tía Lilith speculated, had impacted so hard that it ripped a hole in realities, which the dinosaurs had climbed through. They had ended up at the Gallbladder, where they lived today. And Tía Lilith had gone there with a hand mirror for Luz to view through, just so she could see the dinosaurs!

But it went beyond just seeing them – Luz had actually gotten to talk to some! Over the past sixty-five million years, the dinosaurs had evolved to become sentient and developed their own civilization. It was like something out of a beautiful dream for Luz to actually interview dinosaurs and learn about how their culture worked. She knew her younger self would have probably committed mass murder just for the opportunity to talk to dinosaurs, but all Luz had to end up doing was become unwittingly complicit in attempted mass murder. Life was grand!

And to make matters even cooler, they were now going to be moving into their new house. The place had four bedrooms, five bathrooms, a massive amount of space, a backyard with a very tall privacy fence and lots of space for Azura to run around in, and even a small pool. Luz had never envisioned she’d ever be in a position to live in a place so nice. She also felt a little relieved to be away from the place with so many memories of Papi, and also guilt for feeling that way.

Amity was amazed that she was being allowed to choose her own décor. Of course, she would have to run it by Willow as well, since they’d be sharing a room, but still, Amity admitted to Luz that it was a very welcome change of pace from her bedroom in her home, where Mrs. Blight had to approve any and all changes to the room, no matter how slight. Mami, on the other hand, encouraged Amity to be creative and decorate the place however she chose. It was safe to say Luz’s bedroom wasn’t going to be the only one graced by Good Witch Azura posters.

Meanwhile, Gus was exceptionally enthusiastic about the prospect of sharing a bedroom with his sister, and absolutely insisted that Diana share a bedroom with him when they got back to the Demon Realm. Mami, Luz could tell, was sad that Diana had chosen to stay with the Porters instead of her when all was said and done, but Luz knew she wouldn’t say anything about it, since she wanted Diana to make her own decisions as much as possible, as that was something she’d been denied repeatedly in her childhood.

As for Luz, she didn’t think things would change very much with regards to her bedroom décor. She had once been uncomfortable sharing a room with Vee, but that had changed as of recent. Luz had struggled to deal with her feelings of resentment towards Vee for a while. The fact that Mami had just accepted Vee without an iota of suspicion…well, it hurt. It was easy to blame Vee for that. But it wasn’t about Vee in the end. It was about Mami, about how Mami had seen what she wanted to see and how, by extension, she hadn’t wanted to see Luz.

But the more Luz got to know Vee, the more she liked her twin sister. She still thought there was something seriously wrong with her for not liking the Good Witch Azura series, but Luz was nothing if not a generous person and Vee’s many positive qualities more made up for, if only barely, this horrifying defect in her character. Instead, Vee preferred science fiction books, especially the works of Asimov, Clarke, and Heinlein. They’d all watched 2001: A Space Odyssey and Vee had just been in awe the whole movie. Luz, by contrast, fell asleep halfway through.

For Vee’s sake, Luz had also made a major effort to forgive Michael. Having the possibility of Eda having a family member in the Human Realm ripped away from her hurt a lot less now that she was able to talk to Eda on a regular basis thanks to Michael’s efforts. As a gesture of forgiveness, Luz had provided him with pictures of the Demon Realm taken with her phone to add to his site, which had incorporated the new In Between Realm portal into his story. (To make sure their cover was intact, Luz had drawn pictures of the photographs she’d taken so they looked like normal art.) They’d gotten their most notes ever on the post about the dinosaur colony. (Naturally, they’d gotten the dinosaurs’ permission to be included.)

“Isn’t this something?” Mami said as she, Luz, and Vee hung up posters in Luz and Vee’s bedroom. A poster of the new Dune movie featured prominently. “Oh, I’m so happy the two of you are getting along so well.”

She sat down on the bed. “So, as you are aware, Luz, your fifteenth birthday is coming up.” Ah. Luz had a hunch she knew where this was going. “Vee, in our culture, a girl has a very special party called a quinceañera on her fifteenth birthday. Since our story is that you and Luz are twins, that means both of you would be having one if you wanted one. But both of you or neither would have one; it would raise far too many questions if just one of you did.”

Before being sent to Reality Check Camp, Luz hadn’t wanted a quinceañera. She wasn’t a person into big parties in the first place – she hated crowds and loud noises – and it would just mean she’d have to spend time with a lot of people from her church she barely even knew. She didn’t have any friends and half her family had abandoned her when she came out. But now, things were different. She had friends…but that came with new complications.

“What do we do when the family asks why there are suddenly two of us?” Luz pointed out. “Don’t you think they’re going to wonder why you’ve been keeping the fact you had twins a secret for fourteen years?”

Mami frowned. She had clearly not thought about that. “Well…hmm. We could tell them the truth?” Even as she said the words, she gave a grimace. With the notable exception of Mami herself, the Nocedas and the Serranos had always been very religious. True, the remainder of the family that was talking to them still were fairly tolerant, but there was a difference between accepting one’s bisexual relative (especially since the basis of hating on LGBT people because of the Bible was relatively sketchy in the first place) and accepting actual witches and demons.

“Just say we were separated at birth due to a bureaucratic mix-up and you only learned recently,” Vee suggested. “I mean, people may ask questions, but look, the two of us look the same. They’re not going to assume we aren’t twins.” She cleared her throat. “So…what would be involved in this quinceañera, then?”

Mami looked very pleased by the question. “Well, it’s often a very lavish celebration. Even with all this extra money I’ve acquired, I would prefer to keep your party more sedate, though. It’d start off with a celebration at our church. A court of honor – maybe about five or six pairs of girls and boys who are acquainted with the girl – would escort her.”

Vee put up a hand. “So where would Linus fit into this?”

“Uh…” Mami looked flummoxed. “I don’t know? Our culture is sadly very gender focused and that isn’t changing very quickly. It’s possible they might have to be included as the gender they were assigned at birth.” Luz wasn’t actually sure what one that was, nor did she care. “I’m not sure if there’s some alternative way we can do this to be inclusive for the nonbinary…I’ll have to do some more research. After the mass, there’s a reception and…” She trailed off, and Luz knew exactly why.

“At the reception, it’s traditional for the girl being honored to dance with her father,” Luz explained, a stab of hurt echoing through her. “Except my dad is dead.”

Vee hugged Luz. Luz was very shocked by the contact – other than with Clara and sometimes Mami, Vee wasn’t a very physically affectionate person, the exact opposite of Luz – but it wasn’t unwelcome either. “I’m so sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I can shapeshift to his form and we can dance together?”

“Uh, no,” Luz said, trying to keep just how weirded out she was by that suggestion out of her voice. “I’m going to have to say no to that one, Vee, sorry.”

“There is dancing and some other traditions – we’ll go over them closer to showtime,” Mami said. “It’s a very important ritual in a Latina’s life, a coming of age ceremony. I’m not going to force you to participate and I will respect it if you refuse, but if you say yes, it would make me a very happy woman.”

Vee nodded eagerly. Luz wanted to agree just as eagerly, but she still had reservations. “I don’t know, Mami…”

“What about if instead of people from our church, you had Amity’s friends in the GSA as your court?” Mami suggested. Luz had to admit she liked that idea. Though Luz was still maintaining a policy of plausible deniability, the GSA members had pretty much all concluded that Michael’s website was true and Luz and her friends were stranded just like “Astrid,” and thus Luz wouldn’t have to hide too much around them. And while some of them were technically strangers, they wouldn’t be mean to Luz, as she’d feared her court would end up being.

“If we did that and if we keep the celebration small and sedate, then…yeah, okay,” Luz finally agreed. “Let’s have a quinceañera.”

“Yes!” Mami shouted. “I’m going to start making phone calls right away. I have to tell people in advance about my ‘twins’ before I start sending out invitations.” She swept Luz up in a tight hug. “Gracias por esto, Luz. I know this wasn’t an easy decision to make. But you’ll enjoy it, you’ll see.” Luz certainly hoped Mami was right.

Vee immediately left to call Clara so they could go searching the mall for the perfect dress for her to shapeshift into, leaving Luz alone with Mami. “Mami…do you have any advice for getting Diana and Willow together? Everything I do seems to fail!”

“Luz, you’re not supposed to be shipping real people anymore,” Mami reminded her sternly. “You’re banned from every Olive Garden in the country due to the Marinara Incident, remember?”

Luz scowled. That would have succeeded were it not for pure dumb luck, she knew it. “But, Mami, this is important. This is some of my best friends we’re talking about here! If they weren’t interested in one another, that’d be one thing, but Willow and Diana have told Amity and Gus about their crushes! I just want them to be happy.”  

Mami gave her a fond smile. “Oh, Luz. You can’t force these things. They happen naturally. And the more you force them together, the more they may end up going apart. Diana’s been very courageous about accepting herself – don’t you think you’re asking a bit too much of her to also accept her feelings for Willow as well? Can’t you give her a break?”

Luz could practically feel the wheels turning in her head. “So what you’re saying is that I should avoid putting my friends in romantic situations…” Mami nodded, looking relieved. “…in favor of putting them in romantic environments and letting them do the work!” Mami nodded and then frantically shook her head, but Luz was already tuning her out. “Of course! That’s what Hooty did and it worked perfectly! Well, it would have if I didn’t try to destroy everything…”

“Luz, no, that’s not what I meant at all!”

Luz kissed Mami on the cheek. “Thanks, mami. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

“What have I done?” Mami muttered to herself.

*****

Being Willow’s girlfriend was just phenomenal. Diana cursed herself daily for not having the courage to have spoken her true feelings before that point. Even going on a date with Eddie, as fun as it had been, hardly compared to the giddy feeling constantly in Diana’s heart whenever she so much as looked at Willow. Willow was hardly any better, wryly remarking to Diana that while she had rolled her eyes a lot over Amity and Luz’s cloying flirting in the early days of their relationship, she did understand now where they’d been coming from.

Was Diana in love? Honestly, she had no idea. She didn’t know where a crush ended and love began. She really didn’t know a lot, to be honest. But she knew she was happy, and that was enough. They’d kissed a lot, gone on dates disguised as friendly outings, and spent quite a bit of time trolling Luz for her incessant shipping. Alice had gladly participated in their schemes by pretending to reciprocate Willow’s “feelings” towards her, since she wanted to make a girl in her PE class she had a crush on jealous. In fact, Willow had gone on a “date” with her twice, which in reality had been nothing more than a platonic outing.

Some might have been jealous (like, theoretically, Alice’s crush), but Diana wasn’t. She had absolute confidence in the faithfulness of her girlfriend. And, in all honesty, Diana wouldn’t begrudge Willow if she wanted to add more people to the relationship – it was a little unfair, really, that Diana should be the only one to experience what a good girlfriend Willow was. But Willow was very adamant that she wasn’t even attracted to humans and wanted to keep her relationship strictly monogamous.

This little game they were playing wouldn’t last much longer. They had decided to finally show mercy to Luz in a couple days and have Diana publicly ask Willow to the fall dance. They were undecided whether or not they’d reveal the truth at this point. Before, Luz’s shipping tactics had really been annoying Diana, but someone must have talked some sense into her because Luz’s methods had recently become much more subtle and light-handed. Willow had definitely enjoyed the supposed three person trip to the rose garden in Hartford, which had quickly turned into a two person trip when Luz made up an excuse to ditch them.

It would seem that Luz was the only person who hadn’t figured out that Willow and Diana were dating. Camila had figured it out almost immediately and proceeded to give Diana an in depth discussion on reproduction, why it was imperative it not happen for quite some time, and how to avoid that if push came to shove. Belos had never bothered telling Diana anything about sex – no doubt because he knew Diana wouldn’t live long enough to have to concern herself with that anyway. Diana had told Gus and Amity seemed to have figured it out on her own. She must have agreed with their plan because Luz still seemed ignorant. Or maybe she’d told Luz flat out and it had still passed over Luz’s head. Either option seemed likely.

In any event, Diana wasn’t too concerned with the things Camila had told her. She’d have to worry about that eventually, but right now, she was just getting used to kissing. Anything beyond that still made Diana uncomfortable. She certainly had no interest in having sex with Willow until she had genitalia that matched her true self at the very least.

“Today is going to be a historic day in the history of witch kind,” Gus intoned solemnly as the family (how odd to think of them as family when once only Belos had held that title) climbed into Camila’s minivan. “Today…we are going to make contact with the giraffes!”

Diana winced. She knew that it was likely all the horror stories about giraffes were just as fake as the stories about wild witches, but still the idea of being near a giraffe filled Diana with fear. But if they were as hostile and evil as the stories held, there was no way she was going to let her associate, her friend, her friend’s sister, her brother, her foster mother, and her girlfriend face them without her.

According to the legends, once upon a time, back when the Titan was still alive, the giraffes had run rampant throughout the Demon Realm. They could suck out people’s souls with just a glance, breathe fire, and trap one in an endless loop of one’s worst nightmares. The Titan had singlehandedly defeated and depowered the giraffes and banished them into the Human Realm, but at the cost of his own life. Diana knew that the stories were most likely just that, especially since there hadn’t been any reports of giraffes possessing their powers or even sapience since their arrival in the Human Realm. But still…

“Aren’t you scared?” Diana asked. “I mean, they killed the Titan! They killed our god!”

“They didn’t kill the Titan, Diana,” Luz said patiently. “This cult calling themselves the Titan Trappers killed most of them on the orders of the Collector.”

Diana blinked. “Most of them? Wait, there’s more than one Titan?”

“Sure!” Luz said as if it was the most natural thing in the multiverse. “Well, there’s probably only one living Titan now…but we’re hoping King has other family out there.”

What. The. Hell?! King was a Titan?! King? The whole time, it was the Owl Lady who’d been speaking to the Titan, not Belos? A Titan, Diana realized a second later with a flash of horror, she’d taken hostage. She’d threatened to drown her god. Diana didn’t know whether to laugh or hurl.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” she eventually screamed.

“Diana Porter, if I hear that word out of your mouth again, I’m washing it out with soap!” Camila snapped. “Think about the example you are setting for your brother!” Gus rolled his eyes. He was getting really sick of people thinking they needed to shield him from profanity. Diana’s verdict was that it was his own fault for being so adorable.

Diana took several deep breaths. “Sorry, just having a bit of an existential crisis over here! All this time I thought I was serving the Titan, but in reality, I was the Titan’s enemy! This is even worse than when I thought the Titan wasn’t real!”

“I’m sure King has let bygones be bygones,” Amity said. “Everyone else has,” she added in a much quieter, annoyed voice.

“I don’t know about that,” Luz mused. “He still hasn’t forgiven you for smashing his cupcake, remember?” Amity groaned. Diana gulped. So now she had an angry god to worry about when she returned. Oh, no, what if he decided to take his wrath out on Skara?! As Amity and Diana’s friend, she’d be a top target for vengeance by proxy. Diana couldn’t let that happen.

Luz looked over at Diana and then she looked taken aback by the fear Diana must have been showing on her face. “Hey…Diana, it’s okay. I was just joking. He’s not going to hurt you. And even if he tries, I won’t let him.”

“Yeah…thanks,” Diana said. “Sorry about that. I just…wasn’t expecting it.” 

The Gravesfield Zoo was one of the best in New England, thanks in large part by generous donations from Clara’s father. Mr. MacKinnon had, in particular, arranged, at great cost, to have one of the largest collection of giraffes in captivity at the zoo. Diana was actually already familiar with the basic concept behind a zoo. Viney had showed her the Beast Keeping Coven’s menagerie back in the Demon Realm, and it seemed to be a very similar thing. Granted, the purpose of the menagerie was to assert the supremacy of the Beast Keepers, but still, it was a big collection of buildings with animals caged up.

After getting to the zoo, the group split up despite Luz’s assertions that this was how everyone ended up dying in horror movies. Clara and Vee hightailed it to the reptile house so that Clara could show Vee animals like her. Camila was accompanying Luz and Amity to the otter exhibit, because the last time Luz had gone alone she’d jumped into the enclosure with them and nearly drowned. (“I was eight!” Luz had protested, to no avail.) And Willow and Diana had decided to go with Gus to the giraffe exhibit, just in case he needed their protection.

It would almost certainly be fine, Diana told herself. The stories of the giraffes were just that. More lies from Belos. It would be fine! There was no way they could suck out Diana’s soul. As a grimwalker, did she even have a soul to suck out?

“I’m going to go down in history,” Gus bragged as they walked towards the giraffe exhibit. “The first witch in living memory to see a giraffe. I’m going to be famous for it! Everyone at Hexside is going to be so jealous of me. Let Matt try to beat that.”

The various animals present at the zoo may have not been quite as impressive as the ones held captive in the Beast Keeping Menagerie, but they were still impressive in their own right. She saw rhinoceroses, tigers, and even a jaguar, which seemed to be so similar to the Demon Realm’s jagulars that she would not be surprised if they shared a common ancestor.

And then they finally reached the giraffes.

The moment they came within seeing distance of the giraffes, quite a few things happened at once. First of all, the screens of the phones of everyone taking pictures of them abruptly went dark. Diana took her own cell phone out of her pocket, and found it was just as inoperable as everyone else’s. But that paled in comparison to what happened after that.

The giraffes started glowing and levitating. Half the people watching seemed fascinated, the other were screaming in terror. The gentle docility that had once been in the eyes of the giraffes was abruptly replaced with a bestial malevolence. Their skin turned black with light blue spots, as if someone had inverted their skin colors. More alarmingly, it seemed to writhe, as if there was something beneath it that was trying to fight its way out. Their eyes started glowing a red color.

THE MAGIC WITHIN YOU HAS AWOKEN US, several voices thundered in Diana’s head in unison. By the looks of it, everyone else – including the humans around them – could also hear it. KNOW THAT THIS WILL GRANT YOU NO FAVOR. WHEN SUTEKH RISES, ALL WILL KNEEL BEFORE HIM OR DIE.

“So this…isn’t normal behavior for giraffes?” Gus asked Willow nervously.

“I’m pretty sure we would have read about it if it was,” Willow said, deliberately trying to keep her voice casual.

With no warning whatsoever, the giraffes opened their mouths and breathed fire at the fence keeping them within the enclosure. The fire lanced straight through both it and through the family – mother, other mother, and two kids who couldn’t have been older than 10 – standing in front of it.

Willow immediately made a spell circle and summoned the branches of the trees around the giraffes to tie them up, heedless of the fact that she was surrounded by humans and she was blowing her cover epically. And well she should – the family that had just been incinerated was not the only family present. But the giraffes did something and the branches all turned to dust.

BLESSED OF GAIA, YOU HAVE CHOSEN YOUR PATH. YOU HAVE MADE YOURSELF OUR ENEMY AND SHOULD OUR LORD DESIRE IT, ALL YOU LOVE WILL BE CRUSHED BENEATH OUR HOOVES.

“BRING IT ON, YOU FREAKS!” Willow shouted and hurled a tree trunk straight through one of the giraffes. It bisected it neatly at the base of the neck – but then, before Diana’s eyes, the pieces of the giraffe just put themselves back together.

The giraffes strode through the hole they’d made in the fence. WERE YOU NOT ASSOCIATES OF OUR HALF-SISTER, YOU WOULD BE SLAIN OUT OF HAND, their voices echoed. AS IT WERE, WE WILL HAVE TO CONSULT OUR LORD. DO NOT GET YOUR HOPES UP.

Willow tried spell after spell, but the giraffes were done playing around. They tapped their hooves on the ground and then Willow’s spells just wouldn’t work. The giraffes strode away without another word, which was a good thing in Diana’s estimation, because the sheer volume of their telepathic transmissions was giving her a splitting headache.

“What the hell just happened?” a human asked them, sounding desperate for answers.

“I don’t know,” Willow said. “I’m just as much at a loss as you are.”

“But…but…you were doing magic!” another human said.

Willow gave them a withering glare. “Don’t be ridiculous. Everyone knows magic isn’t real.” And then, without another word, she ran off in the direction of the otter exhibit, and Diana and Gus followed at her heels.

*****

The stories told of the giraffes, in actuality, weren’t all that far from the truth. Of course, it hadn’t been just one Titan who had defeated them, but rather nearly the entirety of their species. But, yes, the Titans had fought the giraffes, the giraffes had lost, and they’d been exiled. The god of the giraffes, Sutekh, had fought the Titan whose corpse now formed the Boiling Isles one on one, and had indeed struck a mortal blow before this.

After coming to Earth, Sutekh had been left as nothing more than a wraith. He could possess animals and humans, but the process killed them over time. Sutekh had, at first, tried to directly influence humanity through possessing a succession of pharaohs. As the god known more commonly as Set, he had personally led the ancient Egyptians to greatness, convinced them to build wonders known throughout the world for thousands of years. The Great Pyramid of Giza? That had been Sutekh’s idea. It was the only Wonder of the Ancient World still standing. When Sutekh did something, he did it to last.

But nothing ever lasted and ancient Egypt faded to a shadow of itself. Sutekh watched as civilizations rose and fell. He took to influencing ancient Carthage behind the scenes, only to have the indignity of watching them get conquered by the damn Romans. Then he’d gone to China for a few centuries, unwilling to even be anywhere near Rome after what they did to his beloved Carthage. By the time he came back, much of Europe was worshipping some carpenter, of all the ridiculous things. Needless to say, Sutekh was not amused, but Christianity was so entrenched in Europe that Sutekh knew it was futile to knock it all down.

He waited patiently for the balance of power to shift away from the Church, which it eventually if slowly did in the favor of merchants. Through a succession of host bodies, Sutekh built his fortune and manipulated society in the direction he wanted it to go. During this time, he tried desperately to return to the Demon Realm, but he soon discovered that as long as a living Titan existed, its power would prevent him from physically being able to return.

Due to a happy accident in 1643, Sutekh discovered that a willing possession would offset the inevitable decay process an unwilling possession caused. Instead of taking over his victim, he would merge with them. Of course, there were downsides. First of all, half of the target’s head would look like that of a giraffe, forcing Sutekh to have to wear a mask constantly. And second of all, Sutekh was bound by the terms of the agreement he’d made with his host. His first and only time breaking such an agreement had gotten him forced out of his host’s body and his consciousness eradicated for so long that he missed the entire nineteenth century.

When he returned to awareness, Sutekh was delighted to find just how much the world had changed in his absence. Humanity had made bold strides in technology and was on the verge of accomplishing things the ancient Egyptians could only dream of. It wasn’t all good news, though. The fad of democracy was persisting and getting stronger. The power and authority of the monarchs was waning, and as time went on, it only got worse.

Humanity may have been playing at the power of gods, but Sutekh knew that they were nothing more than mere children playing with toys, and their future behavior just proved it. They started not one but two world wars and built weapons of such incredible power that even Sutekh would be hard pressed to outmatch them. If they weren’t ruled by one supreme ruler, Sutekh knew they would destroy themselves. And without humans to rule, what was Sutekh?

In 1972, Sutekh’s host was dying of natural causes and Sutekh was on the lookout for a new one. By chance, he stumbled upon Lionel MacKinnon. Lionel was young, brash, and ambitious, but he was also a coward. He had just been drafted into Vietnam and he was terrified of dying there. So he’d willingly gone along with Sutekh’s deal to possess him. Of course, Sutekh left out the part where Lionel would just be a passenger in his own head from that point on.

Lionel had wanted to be rich and he’d wanted himself and his family to be safe, and Sutekh had given him what he wanted. It was his own damn fault he hadn’t bargained for freedom or power. After a brief cancer scare, Sutekh had arranged for Clara to be born with the hope of possessing her one day. Much to his displeasure, it turned out his bargain to keep Lionel’s family safe also extended to his daughter. Sutekh would not be able to possess her, nor would he be able to harm her in any way without risking another century long discorporation. In fact, he was obligated to support her socially, emotionally, financially and physically as much as possible.

But as much as Lionel loved his daughter, Sutekh did not. Nor did he think of Clara as his daughter. She shared Lionel’s genes, not his own. The idea of her being an equal to a giraffe was madness. She certainly hadn’t shown any signs of inheriting Sutekh’s power. Sutekh had children: Anubis, Sobek, Wepwawet, and Selket. Clara didn’t deserve to be said in the same breath as them; she was a puny human and a woman to boot. Even Sutekh’s daughters were worthier than she.

And now, after so many years of waiting, of carefully figuring out which giraffes his children had reincarnated into ever couple of decades, they stood before him, finally brought to awareness through the ambient magic of Clara’s friends. A rare tear of happiness fell from Lionel’s eye. His family was back with him. “My children, rejoice!” Sutekh called out. “It’s finally time to take back what is ours. The giraffes will return, and we will once more rule over these humans. And soon, we will return to the Demon Realm and have our revenge.”

And the best part of it? When Sutekh finally got back a true body of his own, he’d watch as his children tore apart their half-sister, and he’d laugh at the sight of seeing the flesh ripped from her bones. It was going to be beautiful…and if Sutekh had his way, it would be soon.

Chapter Text

Clara had always wanted to be normal. She wanted to be judged on her own merits, not as her father’s daughter. Unfortunately, that was an impossibility when you were the daughter of a billionaire. Her popularity was artificial. People didn’t like her. They just wanted to be close to her because she was a MacKinnon, and they thought Clara could do them favors, that Father would be more inclined to favor them because of their closeness to her. Everyone who ever tried to get close to Clara had always done so with an ulterior motive, even if they pretended otherwise to themselves.

And, sure, Clara would be the first to admit that this desire of hers was quite petty, in a sense. She had no right to complain about her life. Every opportunity she could ever want was hers. If she needed something, Father could snap his fingers and give it to her. She was the captain of the cheerleading squad, and her team’s success was accomplished thanks to her merits (even if she was pretty sure she didn’t solely become the captain on them) and she was also a straight A student, and that was all on her. Pretty much everyone had it worse than her. But for many years, she’d yearned for someone who wouldn’t see Clara MacKinnon. Who would just see Clara.

And then she found her.

Clara was head over heels in love with Vee. Sure, they hadn’t really been dating for too long, but to say otherwise would be a lie ludicrous in its scope. It wasn’t just Vee’s looks that Clara was into. After all, in her human form, she looked just like Luz and Clara (despite what she had first thought when Vee was hiding her true identity) had never been interested in Luz. Vee was the sweetest, kindest, most adorable creature Clara had ever met, but that wasn’t the foremost thing she loved about Vee.

No, what she loved about Vee was that Vee, perhaps because she wasn’t from Earth, didn’t care that Clara was a MacKinnon. She saw Clara for herself. Moreover, she saw a kindred spirit – despite the fact that she was abnormal in the extreme for Earth, all Vee wanted to do was lead a normal, quiet life, the same as Clara. Clara didn’t believe in soulmates, but then again, she hadn’t believed in magic or basilisks until recently either, and if soulmates were real, then Vee was assuredly hers.

Unfortunately, a normal life didn’t appear in the cards anymore for Clara, thanks to the incident at the zoo. Several of the giraffes had turned into some sort of Lovecraftian abomination and then fled, but not before killing a whole family and exhibiting powers that outstripped Gus, Willow, and Diana in every way. Someone had managed to cover the whole thing up somehow, no doubt Father with his usual combination of bribery, threats, and blackmail.

But that wasn’t the worrying thing. The giraffes had mentioned that Willow was acquainted with their half-sister…and given the fact that Clara had recently developed strange powers, Occam’s razor suggested that was her they were referring to. Clara hoped she was wrong. And she had no real proof she was right. She’d tried to turn herself into a giraffe as an experiment, to no avail. And other than her ability to make magic work, she hadn’t developed any other superpowers. But with her luck…yeah, she was definitely a demigoddess.

Which suggested that Father was the giraffes’ lord Sutekh. Clara had looked up Sutekh on the web. More commonly known as Set, Sutekh was associated with chaos and seen as a villainous figure by the ancient Egyptians. Clara wasn’t sure that really squared with Father: he was not exactly a figure particularly interested in chaos. But then again, the mythology could have gotten distorted over thousands of years, or maybe Sutekh just changed during that time.

Clara had no idea what Father wanted. In fact, she had no proof he had some sort of master plan at all. True, he’d had Simmons assassinated, but Father had people killed all the time, even if Clara couldn’t prove it. Given what she knew of Father’s rather…disproportionate responses at times, Simmons could have just looked at him funny once for all she knew. The giraffe incident seemed to have happened by accident too. But Clara suspected that Father had some sort of diabolical scheme involved – perhaps even involving her girlfriend and her friends – and her instincts regarding Father were rarely wrong.

That was why she was attending this afternoon’s meeting of the GSA. Clara had always wanted to be a part of the GSA – especially after she realized she was bi – but her busy schedule had never allowed it. But there were more important things to deal with there than mere social activism. The GSA had grown increasingly close to Vee and her friends, and were going to be discovering their secret sooner or later. After much arguing with Mrs. Noceda and her charges, Clara had gotten permission to divulge the whole truth to them. The more allies she had, the better.

“Okay, so first of all, I need everyone to swear yourselves to secrecy to what I’m about to tell you,” Clara announced. “I’m not kidding around here. If you tell anyone, I’m going to have my father fire your parents from their jobs. Maybe even your entire extended family.” It was a total bluff; the last thing Clara wanted was to ask Father for favors now. But they didn’t know that.

“What sort of people do you take us for?” Eddie asked, his fists clenched, clearly disliking having the honor of his subordinates besmirched. “We can keep secrets, Clara…especially if they involve certain new students.”

Clara took a deep breath. “Yes. It’s about them. It’s going to seem far-fetched, but I swear, every word I’m going to tell you is true.”

“They’re demons and/or witches from the Boiling Isles,” Eleanor said immediately. “Aren’t they?”

Clara blinked a couple of times. “Well…yes, actually. You’ve read A Witch Among Humans, I guess, then.” Everyone nodded. Michael leaned back in his chair and smirked. “Well, that does make things easier. The narrative of the site is fictional, but it is inspired by real events, real otherworldly creatures, and real magic.”

No one looked even remotely surprised to hear this. Wow. This turned out to be a lot easier than Clara had thought it was going to be. Well, so far. “So Diana, Willow, Gus, and Amity are all witches. The girl you think is Luz is actually a basilisk named Vee. And Lucia is actually the real Luz.”

Eleanor put their fist in the air. “CALLED IT!”

“You said they were time traveling aliens,” Linus reminded them. Eleanor just glowered at them in response. Clara was tempted to laugh, but she thought it might come across as rude. “So is Diana really Caleb Wittebane?”

Everyone looked over at Eddie, who groaned. “Oh, come on. Please don’t put me in this situation. She doesn’t want me to tell anyone…she hasn’t even told her own girlfriend!”

“I don’t know if Diana is Caleb or not, and I have a hunch asking her is a bad idea,” Clara said. “That’s not the point here. The point is, Vee and her friends are stranded here, and they need all the help they can get. They need your help. Covering for them, teaching them about human stuff, whatever you can do. I’m not making demands. I’m just asking for help.”

Alice raised her hand. “Where are they anyway?”

“Oh, they went to check out a lead to building a portal to the Demon Realm at Yale. I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

*****

Sparks flew as the dueling sword in Camila’s hand clashed against Professor Verboten’s own rapier. The mad conspiracy theorist was an even worse swordsman than he was a history professor, and given the extreme anti-Semitism that had featured into his rants, that meant he was really quite terrible. Not that Camila was any better.

“You’re using Bonetti’s defense against me?” Camila guessed.

“I thought it fitting, considering the narrow terrain.” The hallways of McClellan Hall were quite narrow, it had to be said.

“Naturally, you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro,” Camila, who didn’t have the slightest clue how to use Capo Ferro, bluffed.

“Naturally,” Professor Verboten responded. “But I find that Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro, don’t you?”

Camila smirked. “Unless the enemy’s daughter has a dinosaur palisman.” A loud roar echoed through the hallway. “Which she does.”

*****

“Does anyone think that was a good setup for a cutaway gag?” a kid asked.

Eddie rounded on him and glared ferociously. “What did we tell you about attempting to break the fourth wall, Saul?!” he shouted, looking angrier than Clara had ever seen him.

“It’s strictly against club bylaws,” Saul sulked.

“Damn right it is,” Eddie said. “One more time, just one more time, Saul, and you’re out of the club, do you hear me?” He gave an apologetic grin to Clara. “Sorry about that, but there are three things I won’t tolerate in this life: any kind of bigotry, pineapples on pizza, and trying to break the fourth wall.”

Clara blinked a couple of times. “The…fourth wall?”

Eddie nodded as if what he had said not only made perfect sense but was incredibly obvious. “I mean, come on. We live in New England. This is Lovecraft country. If we end up breaking the fourth wall, we’re probably not going to like what we find.”

“I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, we’re not in a Lovecraft style story – we’re just characters in someone’s fanfic!” Saul ranted. “I see through this little Matrix we’ve got going on here. When I got high last week, I even figured out who was responsible for it: a certain sentient duck! I don’t know what kind of duck, but it’s got to be a really crappy writer, in my opinion.”

Eddie pointed at the door. “That’s it! Out! You’re done for the day. You can come back next week, but one more strike and you’re out.” He rolled his eyes as Saul stormed out of the room. “Sorry for that, Clara. And of course we’re not characters in some fanfic, because that’d be ludicrous.” Just as ludicrous as her being a demigoddess and her girlfriend being a basilisk from another dimension? She sighed. Eddie was right, of course. All this weirdness was making her paranoid.

“So can I rely on you all to help me?” Clara said, surprising herself with the rawness in her voice. “If you tell anyone about this, if you post it on the internet, the government might find out and we’re going to be screwed. No one else can learn about this!”

Michael scratched his head, looking uncomfortable. “Yeah…about that…”

“What did you do?!” Clara screamed at him.

“Nothing!” Michael said, putting his hands up placatingly. “But I think some people might already be on the verge of figuring it out. Aunt Marcia says some people were snooping around the museum, asking questions. They didn’t seem like they were from the government, but they might be a problem. There were four of them, a man and three women. The man said his name was Dipper.”

Clara exhaled sharply. This was probably not good news. Dipper Pines was one of the leading parapsychologists in the field, despite his young age – barely even twenty. Clara had taken a deep dive into the occult after finding out her girlfriend was a basilisk, and Dipper’s book had been one of the few that impressed her. Dipper had an exactingly scientific approach to the paranormal; he didn’t tolerate conspiratorial thinking or leaping to conclusions without scrupulous investigation. In other words, if he did discover Vee’s secret, it would be much harder to discredit him than average. And he wouldn’t stop until he did find it either.

Fortunately, Clara was pretty sure she had an in to get in contact with him and figure out what he knew. The three women accompanying Dipper were Dipper’s wife Wendy Corduroy, Dipper’s twin sister Mabel, and Mabel’s wife Pacifica Northwest, and it was Pacifica who would be her in. Pacifica’s father was a business associate of Clara’s father; just as Father was the richest man in Connecticut, so was Mr. Northwest the richest man in Oregon. It was a tenuous connection, to be sure, but probably enough to get her foot in the door.  

So Clara left a message on Pacifica’s Facebook page asking to meet. Much to her surprise, she almost immediately received a response asking her to meet at a nearby Starbucks. Pacifica was not what one thought of when one thought of paranormal investigators. Her fashion sense was impeccable if a tad bizarre and she carried herself with perfect composure and just enough arrogance to look powerful, but not so much that it repelled people. It was how Clara would have carried herself if Father had raised her, she realized in a flash.

“So you’re Lionel MacKinnon’s daughter,” Pacifica mused as Clara took the seat across from her. Pacifica’s regal bearing made Clara like she was the one being interviewed, rather than the other way around. “Forgive me for saying this, but you look…far more normal than I was expecting. Your father, he makes quite an impression. He gives me the shivers, really.”

“Well, I was raised by my mom,” Clara said awkwardly. “My father…well, he gives me the shivers too, but he’s still my father. I owe him a lot.”

“Fair enough,” Pacifica said. “So what do I owe this chat to? I doubt it’s to compare notes on what it’s like to have rich, asshole fathers.” She looked Clara in the eyes as if she was trying to peer straight into her soul. “Does this have to do with the recent incident at the Gravesfield Zoo?”

Clara’s eyes widened in horror. Had her cover been blown so soon into the conversation and if so, how? “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“It’s not like it takes a genius like my brother-in-law to figure it out, you know,” Pacifica went on. “I come here investigating the giraffe escape and then suddenly, out of the blue, the zoo’s biggest donor’s daughter comes asking for a meeting. Well, my father had a lot of flaws, but he never asked me to do his dirty work.”

Clara shook her head. “It’s not about that. I’ve…look, my dad’s been fascinated by the occult and he passed that on to me. I read Dipper’s book, and I want to help out! In your, like, investigation, and whatnot.” Yeah, espionage was not going to be Clara’s career anytime soon. She’d never been an especially good liar.

Pacifica drummed her fingers on the table, her face unreadable. “We’re not really in the market for an assistant. Your age isn’t the issue so much as…well, I don’t really trust you, to be perfectly honest. I’m going to need a show of good faith.”

Clara took a deep breath. She was about to take a huge risk, but it might be a necessary one. She took a pen and paper out of her bag and drew a glyph. It wasn’t a particularly powerful one, just one that would cool the temperature in the area. But it seemed to be enough to convince Pacifica. “Now that’s a kind of magic I haven’t seen before,” she mused. “It has to be powered by some internal magic inside of you, am I right?” Clara nodded.

Pacifica was lost in thought for a few moments. “Okay. Okay, we could definitely use someone with magical capability, and also, you could provide us with an in for your father. You’re in, but if you betray us, I’ll have Wendy decapitate you.” Clara shuddered. She believed Pacifica. She’d seen videos of Wendy at work. She was legendary with an axe. “We have multiple witnesses stating that the giraffes at the zoo mutated into some sort of monsters and killed four people. We also have people attesting that a teenager fought the giraffes with some sort of plant based magic.”

“Giraffe monsters,” Clara said with a nervous laugh. “You expect me to believe that?”

Pacifica fixed her with a withering glare. “The first thing you learn in this business is never to dismiss anything out of hand. Our goal is to find these giraffes and stop them before they hurt anyone else.” It took all of Clara’s willpower to not breathe a sigh of relief. So they didn’t know about Vee and her friends at all! They were just investigating the giraffes. “Our secondary goal is to track down this mysterious witch.” Of course it was.

“What if she doesn’t want to be found?” Clara asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” Pacifica said in a tone of voice that matched her name. “We’ll find her anyway. If this power can be harnessed by the general population, it can do people a lot of good. We could be looking at an end to deforestation, desertification, all sorts of ills. Sometimes, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.” She made a face. “God, look at me go. Let me give you some advice, Clara: Don’t associate with nerds. Nerdiness is incurably infectious.”

“It’s a little too late for that,” Clara said with a fond smile, recalling how excited Vee could get over science fiction movies. By the smirk on Pacifica’s face, she saw exactly what was running through her head. “Um, so what’s the plan?”

“Follow me, and I’ll show you our base,” Pacifica announced, abruptly getting up from the table. Clara followed her outside to the parking lot, where a black van was awaiting them. It looked like something government agents in a movie would be using. They entered through the back of the van. Inside were a lot of strange science-y looking devices Clara probably couldn’t identify the purpose of in a thousand years. Wendy, Dipper, and Mabel were monitoring them closely.

Wendy turned around and there was suddenly a taser in her hand. In that same instant, Pacifica closed and locked the door behind her. Clara groaned. She should have known it was a trap! “Hi, Clara,” Wendy said, menace running through her voice. “We’re going to pay a little game of truth or pain.”

Clara backed up as best she could in the cramped confines the van. “I don’t know what you mean. I’m just a kid! Please don’t hurt me!” Wendy faltered a little at that. These were good, well meaning people at heart, Clara knew. But that didn’t matter in the end. They were still a threat to Vee. “I just wanted your help. I wanted to know about my magic! I thought if I helped you, you’d help me.”

“She’s lying!” Mabel chirped. “Zap her!”

“I…she’s just a teenager,” Wendy muttered. She steeled herself. “What do you know about the witch at the zoo? Huh?”

“We just want to help,” Dipper assured her. “We’re not really going to hurt her, I promise. Or you – Wendy, put the taser away.” Wendy hesitated for a few seconds and then put the taser away.

Clara sighed. He was right. They did just want to help. Maybe she was going about this the wrong way. Maybe, just maybe, these people could be trusted. Even though they were holding her hostage. But all they wanted was to know the truth and help people. Surely they could be trusted to keep it a secret. Maybe they could be valuable allies. “All right, all right, I’ll tell you – if you swear to keep it a secret. I will not have this secret getting out to the world.”

Pacifica was the first to agree, followed by Wendy, then Mabel, and finally Dipper. Dipper, Clara could tell, was really hesitant about agreeing. He was a man who believed information should be free. But his desire for information to be his was stronger. “Okay. So…the witch at the zoo is from a dimension called the Demon Realm. She and…a few others are trapped here, unable to return to their home. This doesn’t have anything to do with the giraffes – I don’t know what’s up with them, though I suspect my father has something to do with it.”

There was dead silence in the van for a few seconds. “Okay,” Dipper said eventually. “That does track. Are you from the Demon Realm?” Clara shook her head. “Okay…well, I can understand why you don’t want this getting out, then. If the government gets involved…” Everyone in the van, including Clara, shuddered. “I can help. My grunkle – great-uncle Ford is an expert in interdimensional physics. He’s made portals in the past. If anyone can get them back to where they belong, it’s him.”

“But it’s going to have to wait,” Pacifica said regretfully. “We have to find those giraffes before they hurt someone else.”

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” Clara said, really meaning it. She should have just been honest from the get go. “I was just so worried you might hurt my friends.”

“We only hurt monsters,” Wendy asserted. “Both nonhuman and otherwise. We have a lot of friends who aren’t from around here ourselves. We know what it’s like to be scared of having them exposed. We’ll keep your friends’ secret.”

“And if they’d care to talk to us, we’d love to interview them, just for the sake of advancing our knowledge,” Dipper said eagerly. “Um, of course our confidentiality is not contingent on that.”

Clara nodded. “We’ll see.” She gestured at the doors. “Can you let me out now?”

“Oh!” Dipper said, looking dreadfully embarrassed, and quickly unlocked the doors. “Sure. No problem. Look, if you learn anything new about the giraffes, please give us a call.”

“Will do,” Clara promised as she left the van. That had been a very productive meeting. She had recruited new allies with useful skills and there was now a very solid chance of building a real portal eventually. She hoped Vee’s trip to Yale had been just as useful.

*****

“Well, that trip was utterly useless,” Vee pronounced.

Diana had to agree with her. Everyone had been so optimistic at the start of the trip down to New Haven. Yale University was apparently one of the most prestigious in the country, so everyone had assumed that the history professor who claimed he had discovered a portal to the Demon Realm was on the up and up. Instead, he’d turned out to be a raving lunatic who had been trying to draw out demonic forces to kill them. There was no portal and the whole thing had turned out to be a trap. Thankfully, Azura had managed to knock the professor unconscious and they’d managed to escape.

On the bright side, after they made their escape, they were able to have a pleasant afternoon. Camila took them to see Yale’s planetarium, which appeared to be some sort of theatre where images of the night sky were projected. Diana was able to see images of other planets, distant galaxies, things that she’d never have ever expected to see in the Demon Realm. The things that humans were able to accomplish without magic were simply astonishing. They had set foot upon their planet’s moon. They’d sent automatons to Mars. They’d taken pictures of galaxies that were so far away that Diana could barely even comprehend how far away they were.

Gus, in particular, was enthralled by the planetarium. When they left, he was raving about how he wanted to be an astronaut one day. Diana didn’t bother breaking to him that this was a complete impossibility. Even with all the money Regent Steve was spending on scientific research, it would take centuries for the Demon Realm to be on par with humans technologically. But then again, when Gus put his mind to something, it tended to get accomplished. Who knows? Maybe he would be an astronaut one day. Stranger things had happened.

“It was hardly useless,” Luz said. “Mom got to showcase her awesome sword fighting skills! I had no idea you could handle a sword like that.”

“It was just beginner’s luck,” Camila said. She was right. As someone with combat training, Diana could say authoritatively that Camila indeed had as little skill as she thought she did. She had really just been swinging the sword around randomly and she was extraordinarily lucky that the professor had been just as bad as she was.

“If you want, I can train you in the art of combat,” Diana suggested. “I’m proficient in a wide variety of skills, including swordsmanship, ranged weaponry such as crossbows, and martial arts.” Everyone gave her that look of pity and disgust Diana hated so much. “Look, I can’t help my past, okay?” she snapped. “So if everyone could stop looking at me like that, it’d be much appreciated!”

Willow put a hand on her shoulder and Diana instantly calmed down. Her girlfriend was always very helpful in that respect. “Hey, I’m sorry, Diana. I didn’t know it bothered you so much. It’s not you we’re angry at, you know. It’s Belos. He shouldn’t have treated you that way.”

Diana shrugged. “Yeah, well, he did. I can’t change that, but I can use my skills in the service of a good cause instead.”

“Niña, it’s very kind of you to offer, but I really don’t have what you might call a killing instinct,” Camila said, and then she flinched as she recalled how that had turned out to be untrue. Diana had tried her best to comfort Camila regarding being forced to kill someone, but, well, she was pretty crappy at comforting people, and everything she did just made her sadder. “Um, that is to say, I think we should be focusing on other things. What happened today was an isolated incident.”

Diana changed the subject after that, but privately, she suspected Camila was making a mistake. There wasn’t just crazed professors to worry about, after all. The giraffes hadn’t been seen since their violent escape. Not to mention Jake, who hadn’t been seen since Willow knocked him out, but was no doubt lurking somewhere out there, waiting to get revenge. But if she wanted to remain untrained, Diana couldn’t force her. Well, she could, but she wouldn’t. Not like she had been.

“So are we going home?” Vee asked.

“No, as long as we’re here in New Haven, I decided we should do some shopping that we can’t do in Gravesfield,” Camila explained. “We’re going to IKEA.”

“What’s IKEA?” Amity asked.

Luz started bouncing on her seat. “Only one of the best places in the entire Human Realm! A land of wonder and enchantment. There’s a surprise behind every corner. Some say that you could spend a whole day exploring its glories, or even longer if you become lost in its innumerable corridors. Also, there’s a café where they serve meatballs!”

Camila gave a long-suffering sigh. Diana was very familiar with that sigh. It was the sigh one often used when hanging around Luz for an extended period of time. “Luz’s melodrama notwithstanding, IKEA is actually a perfectly ordinary furniture store. We need new furniture for the new house.”

“Perhaps to the unimaginative, it’s an ordinary furniture store,” Luz said contemptuously, pronouncing the word unimaginative as if it was a swear word of devastating impact. “Yet if you use your imagination, you can encounter new worlds of wonder there! They do have very tasty meatballs, or are you going to deny that as well?”

“No, they are quite tasty,” Camila conceded.

They pulled up to the store and went inside. As Diana had expected, Camila’s account of IKEA was the more accurate one. It was indeed a furniture store, albeit a fairly large one. It was still shocking to Diana to see huge stores dedicated to things that people in the Demon Realm mostly made on their own. Furniture in the Demon Realm was mostly hand carved or handed down as an inheritance. Yet here, people just bought it. It made Diana a little sad. How could people really appreciate furniture if they didn’t have an emotional connection to it?

No one else seemed to feel the same way, especially Willow, who seemed to have come around to Luz’s theory that IKEA was a magnificent, enchanting space. Diana disagreed profusely, but she wasn’t especially bothered by that. One didn’t have to agree on one’s girlfriend on everything. That actually sounded like a pretty bad way to run a relationship now that Diana thought about it.

“What’s that over there?” Vee asked, looking at a sign labeled Småland. A lot of the labels of the products were labeled in a mysterious, unfamiliar language and Småland appeared included in that list.

Luz started bouncing up and down. “Only one of the coolest places in the Human Realm! A play area where you can play with all sorts of cool toys and bounce in a ball pit!” She scowled suddenly. “But they don’t let you in if you’re ten or older, and I stopped passing for that a few years ago. Growing up sucks,” she added bitterly.

Vee’s eyes lit up. “That sounds fun! Hang on a second.” She found a nearby wardrobe and climbed inside it before anyone could stop her. When the doors opened, Diana couldn’t help but gasp, because she was looking at what had to have been Luz as a young child, not much older than eight, maybe. “Ta-da!”

Luz looked mortified to have Amity see a younger version of her, though Amity didn’t appear bothered in the slightest. Indeed, she looked extremely happy. “Oh my gosh, Luz, you were such a cute kid! The pictures didn’t do you justice!”

Camila shook her head in wonderment. “Every time I think magic can’t surprise me, I’m proven wrong. Well, Vee, I really shouldn’t be letting you stay in the play area since you’re, you know, a teenager…but then again, you didn’t really have much of a childhood, did you?” Vee shook her head. “Okay. Go ahead.”

Vee pounced on Camila with a hug. “Thanks, mommy!” she said, even sounding like a young child. She and Camila went over to Småland and a few minutes later, Camila returned alone. “Okay, I have a detailed list of what we need to get,” she announced and gave everyone copies of said list. “We’re going to be splitting up.”

“But, mom, the last time we split up, people died,” Luz reminded her.

“This is a furniture store, Luz,” Camila said flatly. “Nothing bad is going to happen if we split up.”

“You could have said the same thing about the zoo,” Luz reminded her.

“Enough!” Camila snapped, and then appeared to instantly regret her harshness. “Luz, we can’t live our lives in paranoia. We will be fine splitting up to do the shopping for a while, all right?”

Luz looked ready to argue, but she took one look at her mother’s face and then she caved. Camila split them up in groups of two, consisting of Gus and Willow, her and Luz, and Diana and Amity. Diana couldn’t help but groan a little at being paired with Amity. Things hadn’t gotten any less awkward between the two of them since their arrival in the Human Realm. Amity still had issues with Diana, and all of Diana’s attempts to figure out what they might be had been abject failures. Diana wasn’t even sure Amity knew what they were herself.

Still, surely they could set aside their differences in order to accomplish a task of mutual benefit. Well, more like Amity’s issues with Diana. Diana didn’t have any problems with Amity. Well, nothing significant, though it might be nice to have a break from her incessant fawning over Luz every once and a while. Though Diana was certainly no innocent in the field of fawning over one’s girlfriend.

“Look, we’re stuck together, so let’s just get through this as fast as possible” Amity said as soon as the two of them were left on their own. “I don’t like you and you don’t like me, but we need to work together to help Camila.”

“I don’t know why you think I don’t like you,” Diana pointed out. “I mean, you annoy me, but everyone annoys me. It’s part of the fun of being me.”

Amity grunted. “Just…shut up. Don’t talk, okay?”

Diana shrugged. If that’s what Amity wanted, she had no issues with that. Amity’s plan soon turned out to have some critical holes in it, because the two of them ended up having to collaborate to figure out what the strange, arcane objects on Camila’s list were. Both of them were too proud to ask an employee what they were, so they had to end up brainstorming, and frequently snapping at each other during the process. There was something about the energies between the two of them that seemed to bring out the worst in each other.

To make matters worse, Luz’s warnings about getting lost turned out to have more truth in them than Diana had suspected. After over a half an hour of walking, Diana had to concede she had no idea where she was in relation to the rest of the store. The hallways seemed to be rather haphazardly positioned and they kept on getting turned around and going in circles. Recently, Diana had been reading up on Greek mythology, to better understand the mythos behind her namesake, and this IKEA reminded her distinctly of the Labyrinth of Knossos, only with more spatulas.

“I think we need to make a left turn here,” Diana said.

“Absolutely not,” Amity said. “It’s a right turn. I can feel it in my bones.” Part of the reason why they’d gotten so lost was that every time Diana made a suggestion of where to go, Amity went the opposite way out of seemingly nothing more than pure spite.

Diana didn’t want to fight, so she duly made a right turn, and sure enough, the two of them got even more lost than before. On the bright side, they did stumble on some patio furniture. The concept of having a patio was a rather bizarre one, in Diana’s opinion. In the Demon Realm, one wouldn’t have bothered with outdoor furniture, since it would have gotten burnt when the boiling rain started falling. Just another strange thing about the Human Realm. Diana wasn’t sure if she’d ever get used to it.

Nor did she want to. Unlike Vee, Diana’s home was firmly in the Demon Realm. She had no desire to spend a single minute in Belos’s homeland longer than necessary. Her friends and girlfriend would be living there, and when they were back, Diana would be able to attend Hexside for real. Luz had promised to teach her the glyphs. She had no idea what she was going to be studying, but she was leaning towards beast keeping – Viney had always made it sound cool.

“Here, this is the chaise lounge on the list,” Diana said, pointing to the list in question.

“I know,” Amity snapped. “I’m not an idiot!”

Diana wheeled around, her patience finally gone. “You know what? If you’ve got a problem with me, Blight, then let’s hear it! Come on. Have at me! Hit me with your best shot!”

Amity looked at her like she was something disgusting on her shoe. “Everyone may have forgotten about the horrible things you’ve done, Wittebane, but I haven’t! You should be in jail, not shopping! You tried to kill me!”

“I’m hardly the only one of us who’s ever tried to kill anyone,” Diana said, trying to keep her cool and hide the fact that hearing her referred to as Wittebane, instead of Porter, was like Amity was stabbing her straight in the heart. “Didn’t you try to kill Luz?”

“How many people have you killed, Diana?” Amity went on. “Because if the answer is more than zero, I don’t think we’re exactly the same on the culpability front.” Diana looked at the floor, ashamed. She remembered every single person she killed. They haunted her dreams at night. If she could give her life to bring them back, she’d do so in a heartbeat, but since she couldn’t, she had no choice but to just charge forward and try to make up for her actions. “You know, Luz, called you a bad but sad boy, and she thinks all of that’s changed, but I think one of those things is still true.”

Diana’s eyes widened in shock. “I thought…I thought you were supportive of my transition…”

“I’m talking about the bad part, you moron!” Amity shouted. “Don’t put words in my mouth. You did the emperor’s bidding. It doesn’t matter that you were his niece instead of his nephew. You’re still a collaborator and you should be punished.”

“I was just a kid,” Diana said, her argument sounding weak even to her ears. Amity’s arguments had echoed through her head constantly ever since that fateful trip into Belos’s mind, but this was the first time they’d actually been verbalized by anyone, and it made them hit ten times harder. “He was my uncle…I thought I was doing the right thing…”

Amity grabbed a pillow and smacked Diana across the face with it. “YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!” she shrieked. Diana just thanked her lucky stars that no one was around to hear them argue. “You don’t get to use that excuse! The signs were all around you! And in the end, you didn’t turn against him because of his crimes – you turned against him because he was going to kill you.”

“I…Amity, you’re right,” Diana said, but this just seemed to enrage Amity further. She started hitting her with the pillow over and over again, rage lining her every feature. Diana just stood there and took it, because she deserved it in her opinion. She deserved a lot more than that.

“How could you not have seen it?!” Amity ranted. “How dumb could you be? You knew the sort of person she is!” Wait, she? “You should have turned against her a long time ago, and maybe people wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

Ah. Now Diana knew what this was about. In retrospect, she should have seen it a while ago, but in her defense, getting hit over and over again with a rather heavy pillow doesn’t do good things to one’s reasoning. Diana took a deep breath. “Against her, Amity?”

Amity’s eyes widened with horror as she realized what she’d said. She looked like she’d seen a banshee. The pillow slipped out of her hands. “I…I meant…”

“Is this about your mother, Amity?” Diana asked gently. 

All the fight seemed to evaporate out of Amity and she sat down on the nearest outdoor sofa, looking like she was struggling not to cry. “Why?” she whispered. “Why did she turn against everyone? I mean…if she’d gotten tricked like the rest of us, that’d be one thing. Denial…I could understand that. But knowingly participating in a plan to commit genocide…I just don’t understand it, Diana. It doesn’t make any sense at all.”

Diana sat next to Amity and patted her awkwardly on the back, cringing as soon as she did it. “I don’t know…but at least you’ve got the rest of your family, right? I just have Gus, and he’s…well, he’s my brother, of course, but he’s not blood. Look, maybe I do belong in jail. But would that help anyone? I don’t think so.”

“I shouldn’t have said those things to you,” Amity muttered. “I know how hard it is to turn against your family, even when you know they don’t love you for you. And Belos was such a better liar than Mom.”

“I miss him,” Diana admitted, feeling deeply ashamed for verbalizing her thoughts out loud. “I want my uncle back. I want him to love me.” Amity nodded. “But…my uncle, your mom, they’re never gonna love us, and we have to accept that. We don’t need them. We have people who care about us. Camila, your dad, Mr. Porter. We’re not alone. And, Amity…you have me if you want.”

Amity burst into tears. She leaned against Diana, sobbing incoherently for some time. She was in mourning, Diana knew. Even though Mrs. Blight wasn’t dead, the hope that she’d change and become the mother Amity deserved was, and that was just as devastating. “Can we start over?” Amity asked, her voice soft.

“Sure!” Diana said, and held out her hand. “Diana Porter, a pleasure to meet you.”

“Hi, Diana Porter,” Amity said with a smile. “I’m Amity Blight.”

The resetting of their relationship wouldn’t solve everything. But Amity had been making a real, genuine effort to be friendly after their confrontation ended and they went back to shopping. It didn’t extend to much more than small talk, so far, but anything was better than nothing. (And certainly better than being hit with a pillow. Diana was still sore.) Amity talked about what she liked about the Good Witch Azura, and Diana told her about her love of Ruler’s Reach, her favorite book.

Amity looked like she was about to explode from holding back laughter. “You…you’re a Ruler’s Reach fan?!”

Diana glared at her. “Like you can judge.”

“No, no, it’s just…you know that King and Luz wrote that book, right?” Amity said, as she let out a loud guffaw.

Oh, spectacular. Not only had she threatened to kill her god, but she’d also threatened to kill her favorite author at the same time. Diana hadn’t expected to be more embarrassed by than incident than she was already, but life, as always, had a way of surprising her. A memory floated back to her mind, one she’d nearly forgotten about.

“What are you reading, Hunter?” a soft voice said from behind Diana, and Diana jumped into the air and successfully resisted the impulse to hide the book behind her back. It would just make Belos angry with her.

“Um, it’s just a book, uncle,” Diana said with a nervous laugh. “It’s a novel, I mean. Just, you know, something fun.”

Belos held out his hand and Diana put the book in it. Belos flipped through the pages and then his lips twitched in a brief smile. “Luzura,” he whispered. “The final piece of the puzzle is finally mine.” He put a hand on Diana’s shoulder. “Great changes are coming to this world, my nephew. The Day of Unity nears and all things are possible with the will of the Titan. Who knows, perhaps one day, I will have the pleasure of meeting the author of this tome.”

He gave the book back to Diana. “Try not to be distracted. Your work comes first. I don’t want to hear any reports this is affecting your concentration, am I understood?” Diana nodded frantically.

Diana shook her head firmly, bringing her mind back to the present. True, she might have revealed that Luz had arrived in the Boiling Isles to Belos by accident, but it wasn’t as if she had done it on purpose. If she was going to start feeling guilty for things, there were a lot of things that would come before that incident.

“Diana, what happened back there, can we keep it between us, please?” Amity asked. “I don’t want people to know I broke down like that.”

“I promise,” Diana vowed. She meant it too. She wouldn’t even tell Willow. It wasn’t anyone’s business but the two of them.

After the two of them started cooperating, the IKEA turned out to be a lot easier to navigate than before. They were able to make up for lost time and finally get everything they were supposed to buy. When they rendezvoused with the rest of the group, including Vee, who’d turned back into her normal Luz form, everyone could tell that they were, at the very least, cordial.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Willow said and planted a kiss on Diana’s cheek. “I was getting worried about you, sweetheart.”

Diana moved to squeeze Willow’s hand but she was interrupted by Luz dropping a square box with no top and a circular hole on one of the edges – probably a house for Ghost – on the ground. She looked ecstatic. “You two are together! When did that happen?”

Everyone gave guilty glances at each other. Luz may not have been the sharpest person socially speaking, but she could tell what they meant. Her ecstatic look turned devastated and horrified. “How…how long?” she whispered.

Willow, looking somewhat ashamed, told her what day they’d gotten together. Luz opened and closed her mouth several times. She looked betrayed. “How could you do this to me?” she said, her voice sounding harsh. “You tricked me! You were making fun of me behind my back!”

“Luz, you do have a tendency to get a little…overenthusiastic when it comes to shipping people,” Camila reminded her. “You nearly went to jail because of the Marinara Incident!”

“Those charges were dropped,” Luz retorted, “and I deny them all!”

“You were planning on blowing up Philip’s statue,” Diana said. “We wanted to teach you a lesson that you can’t just treat people as pawns.”

Camila looked aghast. “You can’t just go around blowing things up, Luz!”

Luz’s eyes twitched. “I haven’t done anything, mami! I ran the idea by Gus, and he said it was a bad idea, and I decided not to do it!” She looked Willow straight in the face. “Here’s an idea. Maybe if you wanted me not to try to help you get together, you should have said that!” She pointed a finger at Willow’s face. “I can’t believe you. You pretended to be dating Alice just to spite me. You lied to me, you made a fool of me!”

“Look, in retrospect, it was a bad idea and I apologize, Luz,” Willow said. “I had no idea it would hurt you this much.”

Luz closed her eyes, unfathomable pain echoing through her every feature. “You all knew. You all were laughing at me behind my back.” She sighed. “I shouldn’t have expected otherwise. But I…I really thought things were different now. Stupid me.”

She picked up the box, shoved it into Amity’s hands, and stormed out of the store, the door slamming behind her with a loud thud.

Chapter Text

The funny thing was that Luz’s day had started so well. She’d been fully expecting to be in the Demon Realm, finally seeing Eda and King and Hooty in the flesh, by the end of it. After all, Fredrich Verboten was a highly respected history professor, known for his incisive books about the witch trials of medieval Europe. One of them had made the New York Times bestseller list. Why on earth would he be luring them into a trap?

Luz had spent all day at school daydreaming about her return. About her first weekend in the Demon Realm with absolutely nothing hanging over her – not her lies to Mami, not the looming threat of Belos, not her mami’s ultimatum, nothing. She would be able to relax, spend time with her family, and practice her magic without any constraints. Not to mention Willow, Gus, Diana, and especially Amity would be able to return home and unite with their families! It was going to be the best day of her life.

But Professor Verboten had turned out to be a maniacal zealot who had tried to chop Mami’s head off and didn’t know a damn thing about portals. That would have been bad enough. But then Diana and Willow turned out to have been together and keeping it a secret from her. Her own friends! Her girlfriend! Her mami! They’d all been in on it! Oh, no doubt, they’d thought it was funny, just like Luz’s peers had. It must have amused the hell out of them, watching Luz’s increasing desperation to get Diana and Willow together. They’d all laughed at her behind her back.

Of course, Luz was used to being laughed at behind her back. People at school did that all the time. Kids, teachers, the principal, that was pretty standard, normal stuff, wasn’t it? It wasn’t as if she hadn’t deserved it. Snakes, weird eyelid tricks, fireworks, her overdramatic audition for Romeo and Juliet, Luz had done many things worthy of ridicule in her time. It had happened so often that she’d told herself that it was just a part of life. She was not normal, and that was the cost she paid for being herself. She didn’t want it any other way. If being normal meant being a giant asshole like her bullies, then normal could take a hike.

But it was far worse this time around, because she’d gotten so used to people in the Boiling Isles not minding her deficiencies. Luz could be as weird as she liked and really not come anywhere close to approaching the Demon Realm’s baseline weirdness level. But now her friends in the Boiling Isles had figured out just how weird Luz was compared to her peers. They found out just how much of a freak she was, and she just wasn’t good enough for them anymore.

They’d found out Luz’s dark secret: She was Half-a-Human Luz.

And, of course, this time around, Mami was involved in the deception. Someone as sharp as Mami could hardly have avoided spotting that Diana and Willow were in a relationship. Luz kept telling herself in the car ride back to Gravesfield – where she resolutely avoided talking to anyone and tried her best to avoid showing emotion – that she deserved Mami treating her in that way. Luz had, after all, engaged in a systematic campaign of deception towards her for months. She was only getting a taste of her own medicine. It was justice. Maybe Luz deserved even worse from her: after all, it wasn’t as if everyone was hiding that they were in danger like Luz had.

But still…it burned to think of her mother deciding, cold-bloodedly, to trick Luz like that. To just let her flounder and laugh at her behind her back. It honestly felt worse than when Mami had sent her to Reality Check Camp, because Luz just kept telling herself that Mami was doing it for her own good, even through the sickening dread of how she was about to lose everything she ever cared about and valued. But what good was served by keeping Luz in the dark?

Luz knew she had a tendency to come up with wild and crazy plans. That hadn’t changed and it would never change. Reality Check Camp couldn’t have changed it and nor did the Demon Realm. What had changed was that Luz didn’t just charge ahead and do them anymore. She asked for advice. She’d run by her idea to blow up Philip’s statue (which, in her defense, totally would have worked) by Gus and when he told her it was a bad idea, she listened. She sought advice from Mami after her plans kept failing and adjusted them accordingly so they were less intrusive.

To Luz, it felt like she was being punished for trying. For having the audacity to believe she could ever rise above her nature. And why had she ever thought she could, anyway? Look at her. Even in the fantasy world of her dreams, what had she really gotten accomplished? She’d screwed up Diana comprehensively by getting her trapped in Belos’s mind. She’d helped Belos learn the magic he needed for his evil plans. She’d gotten her friends stranded in the Human Realm.

She never should have returned. She never should have made that damn door in the first place. She should have just stayed away from a realm she never belonged to in the first place. A realm where the way her own brain worked was seen as nothing less than a disease. A realm that had brought her nothing but heartache.

Maybe she was overreacting, she kept on telling herself. It was just a funny prank. Maybe Luz was the problem. It was just a funny prank, that was all, just like when the star quarterback had been dared to ask her out on a date and then stood her up. Like when she’d gotten tripped and twisted her ankle and the entire school laughed at how she was crying. Just roughhousing. Just a big misunderstanding. Kids being kids! It was Luz’s fault she wasn’t normal enough to see the humor in it, right?

Well, in Luz’s opinion, it wasn’t fucking funny.

“Luz, can you hear me?” a voice urgently called out. Luz blinked a couple of times and looked at Amity sitting next to her. She’d completely lost track of her surroundings for…wow, quite some time. They were approaching Gravesfield.

“Yes, what do you want?” Luz said, her voice as flat and cold as the prairie in the winter.

Amity closed her eyes briefly, looking incredibly guilty. “Luz, I’m sorry…we took things too far.”

“It’s not your fault,” Luz said dully. “I deserved it.”

“I – no! What? That’s crazy, Luz!”

Luz sighed. “Amity. I know how crazy I am. I don’t need you reminding me of it.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Amity protested, but Luz was already tuning her out and getting lost in her own thoughts again. A part of her longed to cry, but she was not going to show weakness in front of everyone. They’d just laugh at her, and Luz didn’t think she could handle that. Her insides felt like they were being weighed down already with all the negative thoughts that had taken a toll on her body.

As soon as they arrived, Luz grabbed Azura, in staff form, and charged into the house. She did not want to talk to anyone, so she put Azura in the hallway, turned her to her velociraptor form, and told her to growl intimidatingly at anyone who dared approach her room. And given that Azura was a dinosaur, that was pretty intimidating indeed. Of course, Azura wouldn’t actually harm any of them. Azura was bonded to her and Luz didn’t have the heart to harm any of her friends or family. But still, she was pretty sure no one would be willing to take that chance.

Luz spent a good ten minutes crying, and it should have made her feel better, but it just made her feel even shittier than before. Because what good was it doing her? Either she had to accept that she deserved what her friends did to her or decide she did not and do something about it, but she could do neither, and crying wasn’t helping. It just made her face ache with the way her cheeks were being distorted.

After her crying failed to help her, she decided to resort to the tried and true tactic of burying herself in the Good Witch Azura novels and pretending her troubles didn’t exist. But that didn’t help her either. Luz just felt so inadequate next to Azura now. Azura hadn’t gotten tricked into helping out an evil tyrant. She was a hero, a paragon of light, and Luz was just a silly little girl who thought she was the protagonist of her own story. If she’d been the protagonist, she would have been able to defeat Belos, but she couldn’t, and she nearly died, twice, because of it. No, the Collector had to do her job for her.

What had she truly accomplished? Nothing. Absolutely and utterly nothing.

“Luz?” a voice called out and Luz jumped in shock. Somehow, Vee had gotten past Azura and gotten into the room without Luz so much as noticing the door opening. “Sorry I scared you.”

“Hi, sis,” Luz said, a trace of bitterness still in her voice. “How did you get in here?”

“Shapeshifter, remember?” Vee reminded her. “I just turned into an ant and slipped under the door. You know, everyone wants to comfort you…it’s just your palisman’s stopping them.”

Luz highly doubted that, but she was touched that Vee was trying to make her feel better anyway, even if her lying skills needed some work. “Whatever,” she said. Some of her emo persona seemed to be slipping into her by the sound of it. “I don’t need them. I don’t need anyone.”

“Yeah…no,” Vee said dismissively. She turned back into a carbon copy of Luz and sat down next to her in the bed. No matter how many strange things Luz had seen, few would seem stranger than actually being able to look at a splitting image of herself. Usually, when she was at home, Vee was always in her original basilisk form. “Luz, I…I get it. I really do. The others, they probably don’t – well, maybe Willow – but I understand because I’ve been literally walking in your shoes since you got to the Isles. I know you’ve been bullied. I know it must have hurt to have your friends act the same way, even by accident.”

“What do you care?” Luz spat. “You hid it from me just as much as they did!”

Vee shook her head. “I assumed you knew. No one bothered telling me it was a secret. You’re…sorry, Luz, but you’re not good at noticing this stuff. It was kind of obvious.” Luz sighed. Vee was, of course, right. She should have known.

“You were right about me,” Luz whispered. “I shouldn’t have run away from home. I had it good, and I ruined everything. Ever since I came to the Isles, I screwed everything up.”

Vee sighed. “I shouldn’t have said that to you. I was just upset. It’s true that your life sucked a lot less than mine did, but it’s not…it’s not a competition. Your pain is just as real as mine. Luz, without you, I wouldn’t have come here! I would have been caught again, tortured, maybe killed!”

Luz had never thought about it that way. But it wasn’t as if she’d done that on purpose. It had been a total accident. “Yeah, but…”

“But nothing,” Vee said firmly. “Luz, you’re a good person. You’ve been honest, true to yourself. I’m a liar and a thief. I stole your life. I stole your mami. I stole her love.”

“Our mami,” Luz said just as firmly. “Look, Vee, it’s okay. I don’t really blame you. I’m not angry at you. I’ve never been angry at you. Or Mami. Or even me.”

Vee looked confused. “Then who?”

“I don’t know…God maybe?” Luz said, waving her hands around vaguely. “Whatever forces run the universe – whoever made my brain defective. I wish I could be different, but I can’t. I’m me, and I just have to accept that.” Vee nodded slowly. “So why…why is it so hard?! Why can’t I accept what a freak I am?!”

“Because you know, deep down in your heart, it’s not true,” Vee said, not a shadow of doubt in her voice, with so much conviction that Luz couldn’t help but falter a little. “Look at me! I’m a basilisk! Literally one of a kind here in the Human Realm, and not too much more normal in the Demon Realm either. Do you think I’m a freak?”

Luz’s eyes widened in horror. “No! No, absolutely not! Of course not! Did I ever give you that impression? Oh, God, Vee, I’m so sorry!”

Vee put up a hand. “No, you didn’t give me that impression, Luz. All I’m saying is if I’m not a freak for that, then you’re not a freak for having a brain that works in a different way than the norm. There are a lot more people with brains like yours than there are basilisks in either realm, I guarantee you that.” She looked uncomfortable all of a sudden. “I don’t…I don’t know how comfortable you are with me as your sister, but I really care about you, Luz. I love you. You’re my sister, even if I’m not yours, and I want to help in any way I can.”

Luz suddenly wrapped her arms around Vee, surprising herself even as she did so, and started sobbing into her shoulder. “I miss Eda,” she said between sobs, not knowing she was going to say that until the words came out of her mouth. “She never made me feel this way…”

“I get that,” Vee said. “And I promise you, Luz, you’ll see her in person again. Today may have been a waste of time, but you’ll get back there eventually. And I hope I can meet Eda too when you do, cause she sounds awesome.” She held out her hand. “Now…everyone wants to talk to you. Are you ready? Cause if you’re not, I’ll wait here with you until you are if you want.”

Luz wiped the tears out of her eyes. It was strange how crying to Vee had felt a lot better than just crying to herself. “No…it’s okay. They’ve worried about me enough already.”

Luz telepathically ordered Azura to cease standing guard. She grabbed Vee’s hand and together, they walked towards the door. But before they could even open it, it was opened from the other side. Everyone was standing outside the door, looking remorseful. Vee had been right – they had been wanting to talk to her and only Azura had been stopping them.

“Luz, I’m so sorry,” Mami said immediately. “Can we come in, please?”

Luz nodded and let them inside. They all stood around her in a circle. Under some circumstances, Luz would have been feeling trapped, but now, it felt good to have her friends encircling her, supporting her in case she fell metaphorically or literally. “It’s okay,” Luz said. “I know I get a little wild and crazy sometimes. Snakes, griffin models, locking Willow and Diana in a closet…it’s all the same type of thing. You don’t have to apologize, Mami.”

“Yes, I do,” Mami said, no doubt at all in her voice. “I am an adult and your mother, and as such, I have to hold myself to higher standards. Keeping you in the dark was childish and, well, it was spiteful, Luz. I have to admit it. I was motivated by spite, by anger about all the lies you told me. A part of me wanted to give you a taste of your own medicine.”

Luz wasn’t too bothered by that. That was understandable, much more so than her friends’ decision to keep her in the dark. “Okay.”

“No, it is not okay,” Mami shot back. “Two wrongs do not make a right, Luz. I should have anticipated that learning I kept this secret would hurt you, and that is on me.”

“It’s on us too,” Diana admitted. “All of us. Maybe not Gus, though – I swore him to secrecy and he really, really wanted to tell you.” Gus nodded.

“If we’d pretended to stay oblivious to our feelings for a few days, maybe that wouldn’t have been so bad,” Willow said. “But when I pretended to date Alice…that crossed a line from a prank into a lie.”

Luz gave a weak grin. “It’s okay. I forgive you. I shouldn’t have overreacted…”

“That was not an overreaction, Luz,” Amity said. “I’d be upset too in your shoes.” She held out her arms. “Can I?”

Luz practically jumped into Amity’s arms. After spending so much time moping in private to no avail, having the affection and comfort of her awesome girlfriend felt amazing. One by one, everyone else also gave her a hug. The one Mami gave her was the longest of all of them.

“So Diana and I talked, and we decided that to make up for it – well, we’ve already asked each other to the fall dance, but we haven’t made our relationship public to the school,” Willow said. “So we thought you could plan out a big proposal – big and flashy, Luz style – and we’ll do whatever you want, no matter how cheesy or cliched. As long as you don’t commit any crimes and no one gets hurt.”

Luz could feel her eyes lighting up with enthusiasm. “My moment to shine has arrived!” She let loose a maniacal laugh. So many lovely ideas. This was going to be the most epic, romantic proposal in human or witch history!

“It’s been nice knowing you, Willow,” Amity said in an utterly deadpan tone.

Maybe everything was gonna be all right after all.

*****

Camila had not been having an easy time of things recently. Between dealing with her constant, seemingly never ending guilt for killing Simmons and looking after all six children who were relying on her, she had been under a tremendous amount of stress. It still amazed her that just months ago, her biggest worry was whether or not Luz would come home from Reality Check Camp hating her. Now she had to worry about evil industrialists, escaped demonic giraffes, and the looming threat of her charges’ magical powers being exposed.

Thank goodness for her regular meetups with Marcia. Without them, she was pretty sure she’d have gone insane. Now that Marcia knew all about her charges’ secrets, Camila was able to freely confide in her about all her worries and fears, from being worried Luz loved Eda more than her to her recurring nightmares of Vee being taken away by the government. Marcia was always there to listen attentively. She was such a kind, sweet individual, but also extremely passionate about things such as history and politics.

“And now that I know the truth about that maniac,” Marcia said, as the two of them shared dinner at one of Gravesfield’s swankier restaurants, “I can’t even look at his statue without wanting to hurl. It was one thing when his sins were hundreds of years in the past, but we’re honoring a man who abused his niece and tried to commit genocide weeks ago!”

Camila nodded, feeling very pleased Marcia had accepted Diana’s transition without the slightest hesitation. Everyone around her had, really. Camila hadn’t known any trans people personally before she met Diana, but in her opinion, gender was a social construct and social constructs should serve the needs of humanity, not the other way around.

“Perhaps you could donate it to some museum?” she suggested. “At least that way, we wouldn’t have to look at it. Or, worst case scenario, my daughter could blow it up!” She coughed. “That was a joke, that last part, by the way.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Marcia said, sounding somewhat weirded out by the fact that Camila had to clarify that. “No, I wish we could, but the board is adamant that it stays. The only thing to be done is grin and bear it.” She reached out and squeezed Camila’s hand. It felt nice. “But having someone like you in my life makes it easier.”

Camila blushed a little. Marcia was such a flatterer sometimes! “Why, thank you.”

“Luz is doing better?”

Camila nodded. Willow had made a good decision about allowing Luz to plan a gigantic going public gesture. Luz had been back to her usual peppy self, filled with enthusiasm at the prospect of making a sappy gesture for her best friends. The end result had been…well, as the kids said, it had been exceptionally cringe. But it made Luz happy and that had been enough for Willow and Diana. Of course, Luz had managed to outdo herself when asking Amity to the dance.

“Luz bounces back from just about everything. Well, that’s what I thought…”

“But now you think she’s just really good at looking that way,” Marcia concluded.

“I wish I knew what I could do to get her to trust me more,” Camila lamented. “I feel like every time I end up taking a step forward, I take two steps back.”

Marcia gave her a warm smile. “I think you’re doing a good job, Camila. I don’t know how much better I’d be doing in your shoes. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m glad I never had any kids. Being an aunt is so much more fun. You get all the upsides of kids with none of the downsides.”

Camila couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, it’s not like there are any parenting books about how to deal with your daughter running away to a fantasy realm! Or a shapeshifter taking her place.” She sighed. “I still feel guilty for not seeing through Vee. You’d think a mother should just instinctively know her daughter, but…I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Because a part of me was happy she’d changed so much.”

Marcia gave her a skeptical look. “Come on, Camila. You’re not being fair to yourself. You know what kind of parents do assume changelings have replaced their kids? Antivaxxers and worse. You’ve done a great job. You’re not going to be perfect, any more than my brother does a perfect job of raising Michael. But at least you’re trying.” She gave her a radiant smile. “And we’ve got each other to lean on.”

“Yeah,” Camila said as she smiled back. “I guess we do.”

After another hour or so of conversation, the two of them split the check and walked over to the door. “As always, I had a terrific time tonight, Camila,” Marcia said. “I love going on these dates with you.”

“Yeah, me too – wait, what?!” Marcia couldn’t possibly mean what Camila thought she meant, did she? But then Marcia kissed her on the cheek just before walking out of the restaurant.

Oh.

Okay, then.

Camila’s first reaction was nothing less than profound mortification. She had not believed they were dating. Until that very moment, she was absolutely certain they were just friends. At no point had Marcia ever uttered the word date…well, not in a sense that implied a date instead of just an outing. Well…now that Camila was thinking about it, she wasn’t quite sure anymore. Marcia definitely hadn’t mentioned the word girlfriend. Oh, no, wait, Marcia had introduced her as her girlfriend when they went to talk to Michael’s parents. But Marcia had just meant that platonically! A girl friend! Or so she assumed.

It was starting to become more obvious just how Luz had managed to ignore the fact that Amity had a crush on her. This was just like Antonio all over again!

It was a shame that Camila was going to have to let Marcia down. After all, she was straight, right? Surely if she was into women as well as men (and she was definitely into men) she would have realized it by this point. For goodness sake, she was pushing forty-five. Luz had realized her bisexuality when she was twelve. She tried to think back to when she was that age to see if she had any memories of crushes on girls she was suppressing.

At first, she assumed there was nothing. But then she remembered Stacy Linton back in middle school. Every time Camila saw her, she was in awe at how charismatic she was, how she instantly took command of every room she’d been in. In fact, when she’d run into her by chance in college – by which time she was married to Antonio – she remembered being indignant at the fact that she was pursuing a nursing career instead of being in politics. Could that have been a crush she just hadn’t been able to parse?

And if so, did that mean she was into Marcia? Camila didn’t know. Marcia was certainly a beautiful woman, but straight people could appreciate female beauty. And Camila absolutely loved spending time with Marcia, but that could have been in a friendly manner. And, sure, she’d blushed a lot whenever Marcia said something nice about her, but…but…well, surely there could be another explanation. And then she wondered whether this was exactly how Luz and/or Amity had felt when they were trying to figure out their own crushes.

Fortunately, she had someone who had gone through these exact same circumstances close at hand. It was strange going to Luz for advice rather than the other way around, but as much as Camila did try to understand the LGBT community for her daughter’s sake, she had to admit a lot of it confused her. There were so many different labels with definitions that seemed quite fluid that it was hard to keep track of everything. Luz, on the other hand, was a certifiable expert.

When she got home, she was expecting a lot of possible things, but she was definitely not expecting what she saw before her: two teenagers she’d never seen before in her life making out on her couch. One of them was a boy with long red hair about Diana’s age and the second was a girl of about Willow’s age with medium length dark blond hair.

“WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!” Camila shouted and pulled a chancla out of her purse. “I presume you’re some of Amity’s friends, but that does not give you license to just do whatever you want in someone else’s house!”

Both of them looked embarrassed. “Sorry about surprising you, Mrs. Noceda,” the boy said. “We thought Gus was going to tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Camila said and then she let out a gasp at seeing the earrings the kids were wearing. Both of them were wearing a single earring on one of their ears, and Camila recognized them immediately. Antonio had given them to her as a wedding anniversary present. “Where did you get those?”

“Gus gave them to us,” the girl explained. “Uh, Flap, I don’t think she knows who we are.”

The boy sighed. “I’m gonna kill him. I’m Flapjack and this is Clover.” Camila blinked repeatedly. Surely she could not have heard what she just thought what she heard.

“But you’re…birds.”

“Gus figured out how to imbue your earrings with magic to turn them into concealment stones,” Clover explained. “They’re casting an illusion to make us appear human.”

Well, at least that made a modicum of sense. “So how long have you been together?”

“We went on our first date today,” Flapjack said. “When symbionts date, it’s common for their palismen to date as well. In general, if the palismen aren’t compatible, it’s regarded as a bad sign for the symbionts’ relationship.”

Clover nodded. “I mean, we aren’t in love or anything, but I had fun on our date and I do like kissing him. A lot.”

Camila sighed and put her chancla back in her purse. She was really tired all of a sudden. Having her charges’ palismen suddenly in human form and dating was just too much for her to handle in addition to her incipient sexuality crisis. “Look, as long as you’re being careful, I suppose it’s none of my business. Has anyone told you about the birds and the bees?” She flinched at the accident horrible pun she’d just made.

Flapjack rolled his eyes. “Mrs. Noceda. I know I appear as old as Diana, but I’m actually ten times your age. I don’t need a lecture.” Camila’s eyes widened. She had no idea Flapjack was so old. She assumed he’d been carved by Diana like Azura had.

“Okay, well…this isn’t going to be a permanent thing, is it?”

“No, we’re just trying it out for a while,” Clover assured her. “It’s okay being human, but I prefer being a bee. I miss my wings.”

Camila breathed a sigh of relief. She was not looking forward to more children to have to come up cover stories for. She was already pushing it with the six of them. “Okay, then I’ll just leave you to it. Clothes stay on, do you understand me?” Thank God, the two of them nodded.

Taking a few deep breaths to steady herself, she knocked on Luz’s door. Luz looked surprised to see her, especially looking so confused. “What happened, mami? Your date didn’t go well?” 

Camila took a step backwards. “You knew it was a date too?!”

Luz blinked a couple of times and then she smirked. “Oh, man, this is too good. You didn’t know you were dating Marcia! A classic fanfiction trope in real life!”

Camila gave Luz a look that showed just how unamused she was and walked inside the room. It was ironic that she was nervous. Luz had no doubt been just as nervous when she came out to Camila – no, no doubt way more nervous. The tables had turned. “Mija, not only did I not know Marcia and I were dating, I’m not even sure if I like women that way!”

“Aha!” Luz said triumphantly. She rubbed her hands. “So you’re coming to me for advice. You know what that means? It means I have finally achieved the title of wise bisexual mentor. Achievement unlocked!”

Camila cleared her throat. “Luz, surely I can’t be bi. I would have known…wouldn’t I?”

“Not necessarily!” Luz said. “In this heteronormative society, it’s hard to realize you’re bi, harder than it is to realize you’re gay. It was obvious to me, but it’s different for everyone. And there’s no time limit to this stuff. There are people who figure this stuff out when they’re loads older than you.” She leaned forward. “How do you feel about going on a date with Marcia?”

Camila considered the question. She wasn’t sure she wanted to charge into a relationship right now, not a serious one anyway, until the situation stabilized. But Marcia didn’t seem like the type to be super into making a huge commitment right away in the first place. Of course, the two of them could continue as friends, but…it did have to be said, Camila felt sad about the idea. “I…think I like it? Oh, but Luz, what if I’m wrong? I’ve never thought about being with anyone, man or woman, since your father passed. He was the only person I ever loved that way, you know. He was my high school sweetheart – there’s been no one else.”

Luz looked suddenly very serious. “Mom, I want you to be happy. Look, Marcia’s already done the heavy lifting, right? You don’t have to worry about whether or not she’s straight or if she’ll laugh at you in front of the whole school or if she’ll out you publicly on social media and you’ll get homophobic slurs spray painted on your locker or –”

She suddenly trailed off when she saw the horror stricken look on Camila’s face. “Uh, but, yeah, anyway, it doesn’t have to be too complicated. Just tell her about the misunderstanding and go on a real date with her. If you’re wrong, then Marcia will understand. You’re questioning. It’s okay if the answer to the question is no.”

Camila enfolded Luz into a hug. “I don’t know what I did to be blessed with a daughter like you.” Luz laughed. “Did you know Flapjack and Clover are dating?” She nodded. “Are Azura and Ghost dating too?”

Luz looked like she was about to explode from laughter. “Oh, heck no! Not only is Azura way too young for that, Ghost is acer than Gus. She’s too busy with her YouTube channel anyway.”

“Her what?!”

“Oh, would you look at all this homework I have to do,” Luz said in one quick breath. “It’s piling up as we speak – bye, mom!” She shoved Camila out of the room without another word.

Fortunately for Camila’s sanity, Ghost’s YouTube channel didn’t turn out to be anything particularly cover-blowing. It was merely where she posted adorable cat videos, and the only thing unusual about them was that the cat in question was herself.

Gus ended up getting a stern talking to about using her earrings without permission. It wouldn’t be so much of a problem under ordinary circumstances, but they were precious to her and of irreplaceable sentimental value. She did not want him using them for magical experiments. In any event, Flapjack and Clover didn’t use them too much, preferring their original forms to the human ones.

On the day of the fall dance, Gus asked if he could invite a few people from the GSA who weren’t going to the dance for various reasons. He had decided to stay home, not wanting to feel like a seventh wheel amongst Lumity, Willana, and Clarvee, as Luz had termed the couples. Camila had no objections to this, especially when she learned that Marcia would be popping around to drop Michael off, providing her with an ideal opportunity to tempt her into staying for the party and finally clear up matters between them.

“OH MY TITAN,” Willow shouted as Diana came down the stairs that evening in the dress Camila had bought for her using MacKinnon’s credit card. “You look…phenomenal! Gorgeous! Like the warrior woman you were named after.”

Diana, it did have to be said, looked as good as Willow said she did. Diana had been freaking out for days at the prospect of getting all dressed up for the dance, and she’d confided a lot of her worries in Camila. She was worrying she would be seen as lesser because she was trans, fearing that she was just an imposter when all was said and done. But she must have gotten through her fears, because she looked utterly confident and composed right now. Either that or she was faking it, but, no, Diana was just not that good at faking emotions.

“Oh, come on, I don’t look half as gorgeous as you do, mi flor,” she said, and Willow almost fainted at Diana’s suaveness. Luz, no doubt, had passed on that phrase. “I bet everyone on the dance floor is going to be so jealous of us.”

“I think I’m going to take that bet, Porter,” a voice called out and Amity descended the staircase with Luz hand in hand. “I think they’ll be more impressed with Luz and I.”

“Oh, it is on, Blight,” Diana said with a diabolical grin. Ever since their confrontation at IKEA, Amity and Diana’s icy relationship had thawed a considerable amount, though they still sniped at each other in a sibling-like manner. They’d never be best friends, but they at least weren’t at each other’s throats very much anymore.

Vee rolled her eyes. “I don’t know who you think you’re fooling. If anyone’s going to be jealous, it’s going to be of me and my awesome girlfriend.” Amity’s fists clenched at hearing her signature line stolen and by the look on Vee’s face, she knew exactly how Amity would react.

Luz stuck out her tongue at her sister. “Well, I don’t care who they’re more jealous of. I just want them to see the gorgeous woman on my arm and realize I’m not the Luzer they thought I was!”

“Except they won’t because they think I’m you,” Vee reminded her. Luz just scowled at her.

Camila took out her phone and snapped pictures of her daughters for a photo album. “It’s a true milestone moment, Luz. Your first dance. In this dimension. That you weren’t thrown out of. At least you’re not wearing the otter suit, Luz.”

Luz sighed, looking surprisingly morose. Oh, that did not mean what Camila thought it meant, did it? “Luz, please tell me you didn’t bring your otter suit to Reality Check Camp.”

“I did not bring my otter suit to Reality Check Camp,” Luz promised. “I never went there, remember?” Before Camila could interrogate her further, the doorbell rang and Vee started bouncing up and down. “That’s gotta be Clara!”

Camila opened the door and let out a gasp at horror at seeing who was on the other side. Clara was indeed there – but next to her was her father. “Mrs. Noceda,” MacKinnon said with a nod. “I see you must not have received the news I have decided to be a chaperone at the dance tonight.”

Camila had a sudden urge to tell her daughters to not go to the dance now that she knew MacKinnon would be there, but then she’d have to justify it, and she didn’t want MacKinnon to know they knew about the murder he’d had her do. “I did not hear that, no,” she said evenly.

MacKinnon looked over at Luz. “Have you made any progress in making a portal to the Demon Realm, Luz?”

“You don’t have to answer his questions,” Camila snapped. She forced herself to take some deep breaths and adapt a calm expression. “What I mean to say is we don’t have time for small talk. We want our children to get to the dance with plenty of time to spare, don’t we?”

There was dead silence for a while. Then MacKinnon gave a curt nod. “Quite so. A pleasure as always, Mrs. Noceda.” He looked over at Diana, looking disgusted. Camila braced herself to defend Diana against something transphobic. “That’s the dress you purchased with my money,” he said instead. Camila just nodded. Denying it would be fruitless. “It looks good on you, young lady.”

He spun around and walked over to the limousine parked in front of the house. “I’m so sorry,” Clara said. “He sprung it on me at the last second…I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. Probably.”

Camila wasn’t so sure, but she was confident her wards could handle themselves if push came to shove. In any event, they’d all gone through so much recently. She wasn’t about to rain on their parade, not without solid proof, which she did not have. “Of course not. Have a good time and take plenty of pictures!”

“Will do, mom!” Luz called out.

Yes, everything was going to go fine tonight. Wasn’t it?

*****

Amity didn’t really understand what the point of having a dance that didn’t involve fighting a horrible fear monster was. People just…danced? For fun? It was weird. She’d seen weirder in the Human Realm, of course, but it was still up there. Yet for Luz, Amity was willing to endure even stranger rituals. Attending the dance was extremely important to Amity’s girlfriend. The last school dance she’d attended, she’d gotten kicked out of for dressing like an otter. (Frankly, Amity could understand why the school administration had done that, but she’d never say that to Luz in a million years.) This time around, she was determined to have the fun evening she’d been denied the previous year and Amity was only too happy to make that a reality.

The three pairs of girlfriends stood out amongst all the other students. Everyone eyed them with what Amity presumed was envy when they made their grand entrances. As much as Luz probably thought everyone’s attention was drawn to her and Amity most of all, it was actually Diana and Willow who made the greatest impression. Though, of course, not all of it was positive – Amity heard people muttering transphobic things under their breath. Thus far, having Clara in their sphere of influence had prevented people from being open about it, but Amity feared it was only a matter of time.

Amity decided right then and there that if people said or did anything transphobic to Diana’s face, she’d defend her with whatever she had in her arsenal: snappy retorts, punches to the face, and even her magic if she could use it subtly enough. There were a lot of reasons to hate Diana, such as all the crimes she’d committed or her vastly annoying voice. Her gender wasn’t one of them.

Mr. MacKinnon took a position on the outer edge of the gym, sipping on a glass of wine and exuding an aura of pure menace. He must have brought the wine with him specifically to enhance his image. Amity reluctantly admitted that this was quite a stylish gesture, even if she despised him with all her heart. How dare he hurt Camila, who had just been trying to help people?!

The music played turned out to be a lot more kinetic than Amity thought it would be. She had pictured something akin to a formal ball or Grom. Human music could be very loud and bombastic at times and it was really making Amity’s ears hurt. But she pressed on. She was doing this for Luz, and after all the crap Luz had gone through at school, she deserved a win.

Willow tapped Amity on the shoulder, looking nervous. “I think it’s time,” she said. Willow had asked Amity to be with her for moral support (and so she wouldn’t cockatrice out) when she told Diana something very important. In Amity’s opinion, Willow could handle it on her own, but who was she to deny her friend?

“You don’t have to do this now,” Amity said gently. “There’s no deadline. You have as long as you want. If you’re not ready…”

“I’m ready,” Willow assured her. “It’s just…scary. A big step, you know? And what if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if she thinks I’m weird for bringing it up so soon?”

“Oh, come on, Willow,” Amity said. “There’s no reason she has to feel the same way. Also, Diana is a simp for you, so, you know, there’s really no risk involved here.” Amity was proud of having used slipped human slang into her conversation so effortlessly.

The two of them walked over to where Diana was standing. Much to their dismay, they discovered that Rachel, the bully they’d run into at the mall, was talking to her already. “I don’t care what you say,” she hissed. “You’re still a guy underneath that dress. You can pretend otherwise all you like, but you’re a goddamn freak, Hunter!”

Oh, this girl was going down. But, of course, Willow reacted first. Amity decided to let her handle it for the moment. Since Willow was Diana’s girlfriend, it was only honorable to give her first dibs. Willow would do the same thing for Amity if someone was harassing Luz.

Willow smacked Rachel across the face in full view of everyone. “I will not permit you to talk to my girlfriend like that,” she said, her voice ice cold. “Go take your retrograde viewpoints elsewhere, bitch.” Pride surged through Amity. Willow certainly had never reacted so strongly when Amity had bullied her.

“I’ll talk about your freak boyfriend however I want!” Rachel shouted back at her. “I’ll have you expelled for laying a hand on me! I will! You can’t stop me!”

She stormed off. Amity surreptitiously cast a spell and placed a little bit of abomination goop in front of Rachel’s feet, just enough to make her trip and fall face first into the punch bowl. Disappointingly, the bowl did not punch her and remained stubbornly inert. The Human Realm was so boring sometimes. Rachel ran crying into the bathroom, her dress completely soaked and ruined.

“You really think she’ll expel you?” Diana asked, sounding worried.

“Nah,” Willow said. “I mean, I just hit her. At most, I’ll probably be suspended or something.” She took a deep breath. Amity nodded encouragingly. “There’s something very important I have to tell you.”

Diana looked surprised. “Funny you should mention that. There’s something important I wanted to tell you! But I’ve been so nervous.”

“Why don’t you both go at the same time?” Amity suggested.

After a few seconds, Willow blurted out, “I think I’m in love with you, Diana!” at the exact same moment Diana said, “I’m a grimwalker!”

They both blinked in shock. Amity was just confused. She had never heard of a grimwalker and didn’t know what that meant. “What’s a grimwalker?” she asked. Willow looked just as confused as she did.

“Oh,” Diana said, sounding disappointed. “It’s, uh, you know what a clone is, right?” They both nodded. Luz had made them watch Star Wars. “Well, I’m Caleb – I mean, Charlotte’s clone. Charlotte was trans, you see. Uh, Belos made me, like, out of a lot of different ingredients. He thought I’d be like his sister. All the Golden Guards were grimwalkers…and Belos killed them all.”

Wow. Every time Amity thought she had learned the extent of Belos’s depravity, she was once more disappointed. And to think, there was a time in her life when she’d idolized him. “I’ve told Camila and Gus and Luz found out on their own. I’m sorry I kept this from you…”

“It’s okay, Diana,” Willow assured her. “I understand. It’s a big deal…and it’s really not my business either. It’s personal. I’m just honored you trusted me enough to tell me.”

Diana breathed a sigh of relief. “So…was I hallucinating or did you just say you were in love with me?!”

“I did say that,” Willow assured her and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips for emphasis.

“Um, wow,” Diana muttered. “Willow, I…I really like you a lot. But I don’t know if…if I’m quite ready to say I’m in love with you. It’s not…I mean, we’ve been together for only a little while. It’s not because I hate you or anything like that!”

Willow gave her another kiss on the lips, this time to shut her up. “It’s okay. I’m not going to rush you. I just wanted you to know, because Diana, I feel like you deserved to know. You deserve to have so much love in your life, and I’m just happy I can give it to you.”  

With her mission accomplished, Amity decided that it was time to leave Diana and Willow to themselves and return to Luz. The song she’d asked (by which she meant bribed) the DJ to play was about to be played any moment and she’d be damned if she wasn’t going to dance with Luz during it. Amity had picked the perfect song for it. She was, in her opinion, a genius.

“I saw what happened to Rachel,” Luz said as soon as Amity returned. “In my opinion, she deserved a lot worse. I’m glad you gave her a taste of her own medicine.”

Amity smiled at her, and as if on cue, a gentle waltz started playing. She held Luz close and started dancing slowly with her.

Beautiful Connecticut waltz, play it all over again

Luz’s eyes widened. “Oh my gosh! You got the DJ to play Connecticut’s second state song? Just for me?!” Amity nodded. She recalled Camila mentioning that state symbols had once been one of Luz’s special interests, and after some research, discovered that Connecticut’s most recently adapted state song was quite romantic.

Your rivers and streams flow through my dreams

“Of course, Luz,” Amity said, making it sound like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I’d do so much more for you, because I love you.” Luz practically fainted at that.

I’m hoping it would never end

Amity gave an evil grin. It was time for some revenge. Luz had flustered her far too many times. It was time to return the favor. “Te amo, Luz,” she purred. Luz blushed. “Tu eres la luz de mi vida.”

From Hartford to New Haven, I’ve kept on saving

“Oh, guau, español,” Luz muttered.

All of my dances for you

“Eres la chica más hermosa que jamás haya existido,” Amity went on. Luz’s breathing became heavier. Amity just smirked in response.

Beautiful Connecticut waltz, as cool as a midsummer’s breeze

“Amity…have you been practicing all these phrases just so you could seduce me?” Luz asked, anticipation in her voice.

The birds sing their song as we dance along

“Is it working?” Amity whispered into Luz’s ear, her voice low and sensuous. Luz nodded eagerly.

Together forever we’ll be

Hmm. What phrase should she use next? Aha! “Eres una luz que brilla en la oscuridad,” Amity said. “Antes de conocerte, mi vida era horrible. Tú cambiaste todo para mí.”

Beautiful Connecticut waltz, the birds sing their song

A tear fell from Luz’s eye. Amity freaked out for a few seconds before she realized it was a tear of joy. “No one’s ever said anything like that to me before,” Luz admitted.

As we dance along, together forever we’ll be

Amity took a deep breath and reached into her pocket and came out with a small box. “Camila told me that in human cultures, you have something called a promise ring, to signify commitment between couples. So…” She opened the box. “This is for you, Luz.”

Beautiful Connecticut waltz, all of my dances forever and ever with you

Luz’s joyful crying only intensified as she saw the ring inside and put it on her finger. “This is the most amazing thing ever,” she said, her voice raw with emotion. “Thank you so much, Amity.”

Forever and ever, forever with you

Amity leaned in to kiss Luz just as the music ended, but before she could do so, a tremendous banging sound erupted. It was one of the loudest sounds Amity had ever heard in her life and it deafened her for about two seconds. Screams echoed through the gym. Amity turned to see Jacob Hopkins charging in her direction, a pistol in his hand which he seemed to have just fired into the ceiling.

Hopkins gave a grin. “The moment of revelation has finally arrived,” he said, and then he pointed his gun at Amity’s head. “Are you ready for people to see you as you are, witch?!”

Chapter Text

Two days earlier…

Ever since he was a small child, Dipper Pines had believed in the paranormal. It was just a given to him and he never, ever understood why it wasn’t to everyone else. In fact, most everyone he knew did believe in the supernatural. It was just they called it religion and scoffed at anything that wasn’t written in their holy books. Dipper dreamed of one day being able to open people’s eyes to the existence of the supernatural, to the knowledge that the world around them was infinitely more complex than they’d first assumed. It would transform humanity, he knew. Make them better.

Then he went to Gravity Falls.

And there he learned that the supernatural wasn’t something to be trifled with. He had seen a mad dream demon wreak havoc all over the town and almost take over the world. He had seen a kid, younger than him, become corrupted by dark magic to the point where he was perfectly willing and able to kill. He’d seen that people were so hostile to things that were different that they’d rather willingly forget than face it.

Dipper had emerged from his first summer at Gravity Falls a wiser man. No longer was his ambition to drag the world kicking and screaming into understanding the truth of reality. That would have devastating consequences. But – with some exceptions – he believed people should have the facts available to them, so they could accept them when they were ready. Perhaps they never would be, but Dipper had neither the right nor the ability to force that readiness on them.

So ever since he graduated, he, Mabel, Wendy, and Pacifica had been traveling the world, looking for evidence of the supernatural and making it public. With Pacifica’s resources, Dipper’s intelligence, Mabel’s creativity, and Wendy’s ferocity, the four of them were an unstoppable, unbeatable dream team. Dipper had gotten books published, had been interviewed on television, and had his own award winning podcast.

And, sure, he was still derided frequently as a crackpot. As much as Dipper dreamed otherwise, it was unlikely (though not impossible) that would ever change. It didn’t bother him as much as it used to. Once upon a time, he’d had no one who believed him. Now he had a whole family who did, and thousands of loyal fans who did as well. Dipper was happy with his life. Could things be better? Absolutely. Dipper would have loved it if, for example, his parents would have believed him instead of trying to get him institutionalized, forcing Grunkle Stan to, from a legal perspective, kidnap him until he came of age. But life could never be perfect. They’d learned that lesson in Mabelland, after all.

When Dipper had heard about escaped giraffes with weird powers, he’d immediately caught the next flight out of Slovakia, where they’d been investigating a leshy infestation, and gone to Connecticut to investigate. (The rest of his team were unamused at the fact he’d left with only a note. It had taken a while to gain their forgiveness.) Giraffes had a long and storied history in mythology, especially as possible servants of the Egyptian god Set, but thus far, Dipper had never encountered any encounters of fire breathing giraffes.

It was hard to investigate witnesses to the attack. Many of them suddenly took on jobs far away, outright disappeared, or recanted their stories. There was foul play afoot, and then, out of the blue, they’d learned just who was responsible: Lionel MacKinnon, a ruthless billionaire industrialist. MacKinnon was not a man to be trifled with; rumor had it that he had assassinated the last lieutenant governor of Connecticut with tetrodotoxin, though the official story was that he’d been accidentally poisoned when eating puffer fish. Fortunately, MacKinnon’s daughter seemed to be against her father and had given them valuable information about MacKinnon’s assets and potential places he may be hiding the giraffes.

There was, of course, a separate issue, and that was the strange witches from a place called the Demon Realm. Dipper had never heard of a Demon Realm specifically, though he’d been in a few universes that could be classified as quite demonic. But just because he’d never heard of something didn’t mean it didn’t exist; the multiverse was infinitely vast and Dipper would never be able to comprehend all of it – or even one percent of it – even if he lived a million lifetimes.

Much to Dipper’s surprise, when he’d reached out to Grunkle Ford to see if he knew anything about the Demon Realm, it had been Grunkle Stan who’d actually been able to provide him of pertinent information. His ex-wife Marilyn (of “my ex-wife still misses me but her aim is getting better” fame) was from the Demon Realm, a powerful con artist in her own right by the name of Eda. Eda seemed to have been looking after the witches in the Demon Realm, and now they were trapped in the Human Realm.

Without any proof the witches were hostile, Dipper had decided to table the issue of them for the moment. The witches hadn’t killed anyone, whereas the giraffes had. Not to mention their alliance with MacKinnon made them a potentially very serious threat to the population at large. Dipper had no clue what MacKinnon was up to, but from what Dipper could grasp of the man, he was a person who thought big. He didn’t do things in half-measures, he thought laws were for other people, and he frequently pontificated about the need to replace the established order with one that would actually function. And while a part of Dipper could see where he was coming from with that last one, the giraffes had killed children for kicks. They had to go down.

Dipper’s team had algorithms that detected supernatural incidents mentioned on the internet. Nine out of ten times, these turned out to be hoaxes, but the tenth time was always so important that it mandated all ten times being thoroughly investigated. And the algorithm had paid off once more. A trail of corpses bearing strange spotted markings was appearing going down the Eastern Seaboard. The giraffes, it would seem, were not big fans of subtlety. The FBI, according to chatter on the web, suspected a human serial killer was responsible. Dipper knew otherwise; the corpses were likely the result of failed possession attempts.

The trail led his team to Tybee Island, off the coast of Savannah, Georgia. Tybee Island was known for its beautiful beaches, but historically speaking, there was another aspect of it that was far, far more important and alarming. In 1958, two fighter jets, one carrying a nuclear bomb, collided, forcing the plane carrying the bomb to jettison it. The bomb fell into the waters off the island and it hadn’t been seen since. The Air Force claimed it did not have a functioning core, but then again, they would say that, and unofficial reports had been inconclusive.

Either way, whatever doubts Dipper might have had about whether or not the giraffes were in town were wiped out when Pacifica found out that the Phoenix Ascendant, a yacht belonging to MacKinnon through one of his many shell companies was in port. They obviously weren’t there to enjoy the admittedly beautiful scenery. They were there for the bomb, and Dipper had to stop them before they got their hands – er, hooves – on it.

With meticulous precision, Dipper loaded the AR-15 style rifle he always kept traveled with (but rarely ever used). It was quite easy to get one’s hand on military grade assault weapons these days in the United States, which was good news for monster hunters (not so good news for the rest of the population, alas). Most people didn’t even blink at his huge arsenal anymore, assuming he was some sort of survivalist. Sad, but helpful.

“Remember, we can’t hesitate for an instant,” Dipper reminded his team. “Mabel, I know giraffes are adorable, but these ones killed children. Children, Mabel! They have to die. Take the kill shot as soon as you see them.”

Mabel sulked, but said nothing as she loaded her own weapon. She didn’t have much stomach for killing anyone, much less adorable supernatural creatures. That was a good thing, in Dipper’s opinion. Mabel may have matured since her first stay in Gravity Falls, but she still retained her happy-go-lucky attitude, her inimitable spark.  

Wendy and Pacifica were far more ruthless than Mabel, both in their own unique way. Wendy, with her fiery temper and her admitted love of violence (against the deserving) and Pacifica with her icy, cool, and utterly composed attitude which could identify a person or creature’s weak point and mercilessly strike at it until it was literally or metaphorically destroyed. Dipper didn’t anticipate them having any issues with the use of force.

Dipper felt sick to his stomach. He always did when going monster hunting. He never sought out to be a killer when he started following the path he was following. But he had learned that, like Bill Cipher, some creatures had to be destroyed, lest innocents be threatened by them. Still, it was rare that he just opted for flat out assassinations like this.

They all strapped their rifles to the back of their wet suits. They were also armed with several pistols and diving knifes on their person. They were aboard a boat they’d rented for this exact purpose, floating quite a ways away from the Phoenix Ascendant, hopefully far enough away that the giraffes and their minions would assume they were just out for an evening cruise.

“If anyone wants out, now is the time,” Dipper warned them, as he did before every hunt. As always, they just glared at him in response. “Okay. Remember, in and out. We kill them, we get out.” Dipper’s wife and sister-in-law rolled their eyes in an identical gesture. He hated it when Wendy and Pacifica ganged up on him.

Dipper got into the water with his typical quietness and subtlety. In her typical lack of those attributes, Mabel did a cannonball and, after a fair bit of cajoling, got Pacifica to do the same thing. Pacifica may have hid it underneath a veneer of apathy and coolness, but at the end of the day, she was still just as infatuated with her wife as she was when they first started dating during Mabel’s second summer in Gravity Falls. Mabel tried to persuade Wendy to do the same, but she was stronger of will. No one could persuade Wendy to do something she didn’t want to do. Dipper had tried and failed many a time.

Dipper was terrified they’d be spotted as they swam underwater to the yacht, but, nope, luck seemed to be on their side for once. This didn’t decrease Dipper’s worries one iota. In his experience, luck was never on one’s side, and if it appeared to be so, it was only so it could gain one’s confidence only to commit a base act of betrayal later. Something was going to go wrong here. Dipper could feel it in his bones. Of course, that was how Dipper felt pretty much all the time – anxiety was a bitch – but his feel for these things on missions was more accurate than it was for, for instance, mundane social interactions.  

And, as always, he was proven right soon after climbing aboard the yacht. A burly looking human dressed in black – probably a mercenary – spotted them and aimed his gun in their direction. Pacifica drew her suppressed pistol and shot him in the head in seconds, but the mercenary managed to get out a shot before Pacifica could kill him. The bullet had gone wide and not hit anyone, but the mercenary’s gun was not suppressed and the sound of the gunshot had no doubt alerted his coworkers to the presence of intruders.

“Aw, man,” Wendy complained. “Right off the bat, something goes wrong. This isn’t good at all.”

“I’m fine, you know, having killed a man, thank you for asking,” Pacifica muttered. This wasn’t the first time she’d killed a human – always in self-defense – but it was no easier on her the fifth time as it was the first time.

Mabel looked ready to smother Pacifica with kisses, but even she knew that this was not the right time. “It’s gonna be okay, sweetie,” she whispered instead.

“No time to talk, we’ve got to move,” Dipper snapped, trying to keep his mind off the consequences of what they may have to do, and on the mission. He’d freak out later. He’d freak out quite a bit, knowing him. But there was no getting around it – they had to kill the giraffes and/or disable the bomb.

The four of them crept through the hallways of the yacht, narrowly evading the mercenaries as they went. Wendy was forced to stab a mercenary in the base of the neck with one of her knives. Unlike the other three, Wendy really had no compunctions about killing people who deserved it, and these mercenaries were knowingly serving giraffes in their plans to dredge up a nuclear bomb, so they definitely fit that description.

Finally, they reached a large living room. It was one of the most luxurious spaces Dipper had ever been in, and with a sister-in-law who was the daughter of the richest man in Oregon, he’d been in some really luxurious spaces in his time. But the effect was spoiled by two things. One of them was a huge cage in the center of the room where four children, probably no older than six or seven, were caged up, looking utterly terrified. And the second thing was the four evil giraffes standing in front of the cage, looking like cats that swallowed the canary.

“Welcome to your doom, Pines,” one of the giraffes said in a mellifluous voice in an accent that didn’t sound like anything Dipper had heard before. So they could talk. Somehow, this shouldn’t have been a surprise to Dipper, not next to the fact that they could breathe fire, but it was anyway. “I am Lord Anubis and these are my siblings Wepwawet, Selket, and Sobek.”

“Hi!” Mabel said with a nervous laugh and a cheery wave. There was a flash of light from Selket and Mabel sank to one knee and screamed in agony.

“You will not interrupt me again,” Anubis warned her. “I am a god, and I will not be disrespected by mere mortals.”

Pacifica went for her rifle, but Wendy stopped her. “Hang on a second,” she whispered. “Let’s see if they monologue about anything important.” There was definitely wisdom in that plan. In Dipper’s experience, evil villains loved to monologue, and the more powerful they were, the more arrogant they were and the more details they let slip. And if these giraffes were really Egyptian gods, they were probably pretty darn powerful.

“For thousands of years, we have been reduced to mindless animals,” Anubis duly monologued. “Our lord has faired better, but even the mighty Lord Sutekh has been reduced to possessing humans and working within the constraints of human laws. But no longer. Soon, a portal to the Demon Realm will be opened and Sutekh will finally slay the last of the Titans. Our true forms will be returned, and we will rule this world with iron hooves!”

“You’re gonna have a hell of a time doing that,” Pacifica warned him. “Humans have been trying to rule the world for millennia.”

Selket laughed. “Foolish girl. Humans will submit to our vastly superior power. It was thus in the days of the pharaohs, and it will be thus today. Humans have not changed, nor can they.”

“Their command of science and technology may have increased,” Wepwawet said. “They have more powerful weapons than anything we could have envisioned. But at the end of the day, humanity’s essential instinct is one of submission. Pharoah, king, emperor, president, prime minister – whatever the title, humans are led.”

Sobek let loose a maniacal laugh. “Now onto business. You’ve fallen into our trap, pitiful children.” Aw, shit. Of course this was too easy. “We knew you would follow the breadcrumbs we left behind.” He gestured with a hoof at the children. “Now we will acquire new hosts. Real hosts, whose bodies and minds are weak enough for us to force a true possession. And there will be nothing you can do but watch.”

“That’s what you think!” Wendy shouted, and she drew her rifle and pumped several bullets into Sobek’s head. Dipper expected the bullets to just bounce off of it, but much to his surprise, the ancient god’s head exploded into chunks and bloody mist.

Anubis swore in what had to be ancient Egyptian and let loose a stream of fire in Wendy’s direction, but she was already diving out of the way and it missed her, though the heat of it gave her some superficial burns. Everyone on Dipper’s team drew their own guns and started firing at the remaining giraffes. The giraffes finally generated a magical shield and they immediately stopped firing; continuing to shoot would only cause the bullets to ricochet and strike them.

Instead, Dipper lunged at Anubis, his hands stretched out in claws. The physical nature of the attack must have taken Anubis by surprise and been enough to overwhelm the shield, because Dipper managed to knock the judge of the dead to the ground. Without further ado, he stuck his fingers into Anubis’s eyes, causing him to be distracted by the blinding pain long enough for Dipper to stab him over and over in the center of his very long neck until the light went out of his eyes.

Next to him, Mabel was wrestling with Wepwawet. Mabel was a sweet person most of the time, but once you threatened children in her presence, all bets were off. Mabel punched Wepwawet over and over in the face. Wepwawet begged for mercy and offered her a place in the new world order, but Mabel refused to listen to her. Instead, she drew her pistol and shot her repeatedly in the groin and then, for good measure, between the eyes.

With her siblings dead, Selket sank to her knees and put her hooves into the air. “I surrender!” she shouted at Pacifica, who looked back at her with a cool, even expression. “Don’t kill me! I have information about Sutekh’s plans!”

“I don’t make a policy of negotiating with people who hurt children,” Pacifica responded coldly and snapped Selket’s neck like a twig.

Well. That was easy. In fact, it was so easy that Dipper eyed the giraffes suspiciously for several minutes, expecting them to somehow be faking their deaths and attack them when they least suspected it. But after ten minutes passed, Dipper reluctantly concluded they were as dead as they looked.

So he walked over to the cage and released the kids. They looked at him with awe, like he was a hero. It was a moment he’d remember for the rest of his life. Sometimes, the job had its perks.

*****

In the present…

Luz knew she should be saying or doing something, but she was utterly paralyzed with fear. She’d faced down Belos and Mrs. Blight and an angry slitherbeast, but there was something about the sheer mundanity of the situation that was getting to her. There was a man with a gun in her school. This wasn’t some insane witch hunter or an evil industrialist with power over sludge golems. This was just a regular human being and a threat that hundreds of kids just like her had faced before.

And she didn’t have the slightest clue what to do or say.

“Nothing to say, Amity?” Hopkins sneered at Amity, who appeared to be just as at a loss of what to do as Luz was. “I know the truth about you. I know those ears of yours are fake.”

He reached out to touch them and Amity let out a shriek and took several steps backwards. She lost her balance and fell onto the floor. “No, no, no,” she muttered. “I can’t…”

Luz took a step forward, spurned by the need to defend her girlfriend. “You heard her! Don’t make me hurt you!”

Mr. MacKinnon cleared his throat, looking bored, as if he was watching a performance that he knew was going to be tedious. “I don’t know who you are or what you want, but whatever it is, I’m the one who can help you get it. If it’s a cause you’re doing this for, I have the resources necessary to achieve your goals or get your message out. If it’s money, I have more than you’ll ever need. Let them go and keep me.”

Hopkins spun around and shot Mr. MacKinnon in the shoulder. Luz was mildly surprised when perfectly normal red blood spat out of the bullet wound. “At the very least, let my daughter go,” Mr. MacKinnon went on, seeming to be quite unaware he’d been shot. “Clara has nothing to do with whatever crusade you’re on.” He looked down finally and then scowled. “Do you have the slightest clue how much this suit cost, you lunatic?!”

Mr. MacKinnon took a step forward and then sank to the floor, as if suddenly realizing that this was, in fact, when one did when one had been shot. In Luz’s opinion, it was intensely suspicious to say the least, but she had way bigger problems to focus on right now.

“Oh, you have everything to do with it, Clara,” Hopkins said, and walked over to where Clara was standing, holding a shaking Vee in her arms. Luz prayed that Vee wouldn’t lose control over her form, because if she did, they were screwed. “You and this monster you call a girlfriend!”

“Yeah!” Rachel called out. “Finally, someone has the guts to call the Luzer what she is!”

“Are you insane?!” a boy Luz didn’t recognize called out. “We’re hostages, and you can’t stop bullying people for two seconds?”

Hopkins waved the gun and everyone shut up. “This creature is one of the lizard people.” Everyone just stared at him. No one at all believed him. “I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I captured her in one of my traps and brought her to my sanctum! I was just on the verge of vivisecting her to discover how her shapeshifting powers worked when – ”

“You…were going to vivisect Luz? I mean, she’s a weirdo, but she’s still a child,” a girl said, looking disgusted. Interestingly enough, Luz recognized the girl as one of her bullies, though not one of the main ones. Evidently, while homophobia was cool with her, vivisection was not. Luz didn’t know how to feel about that.

The gun went off and the bullet smashed into the wall. Everyone screamed. “It’s not a child! It’s a monster! A demon sent to infiltrate our society and lead us to ruin! Anyway, as I was saying, the government stopped me. Doubtlessly, the lizard people have infiltrated it to the highest level. But the will of the people is stronger!”

He pointed at Luz and her friends. “Since then, I have learned that witches have infiltrated us. One of them even seduced my cousin to gain an opportunity to get close to me and assassinate me!” He pointed at Diana and then did a double take at seeing her appearance. It was the first time Hopkins had seen her since her transition. “A clever witch indeed. First taking the form of Caleb Wittebane, and then shapeshifting back into her original female form when it didn’t work.” Diana looked flattered she was passing so well.  

“Hunter Porter,” Hopkins said, pointing the gun at her head. Diana just looked coolly at him, not intimidated in the slightest.

“It’s Diana, you nutcase!” a boy on the football team called out. Strangely enough, Luz had heard him say some transphobic remarks about Diana in the past. Evidently, having a common enemy was enough for the football player to set aside his transphobia for the moment.

“Gus Porter, Lucia Noceda, Amity Blight, and Willow Park,” Hopkins went on. “All of them are witches. All of them are here to destroy you. Destroy us all! With your help, I can save us. Together, we can destroy the witches in our midst!” He gave everyone a crazed smile. “Now let’s set up a bonfire and burn them at the stake!”

No one moved a muscle. “Oh, I see they’ve corrupted you,” Hopkins said, his eyes twitching. “Very clever. You’ve probably fallen for their beguiling lies. But the devil lurks within them. All of them are nothing more than monsters in human flesh!”

“Hey, look, I’m just as human as you are,” Luz assured him. She pulled at her ears. “See? They’re completely real. Just…put down the gun and I swear, we can talk this out.”

Hopkins lowered the gun. And then he raised it once more and shot Rachel in the stomach. Everyone screamed, even Luz. She hated Rachel with the passion of a thousand burning suns and the feeling was so very mutual, but she didn’t want the bully to die. “STOP LYING!”

“Okay!” Luz shouted. “Okay, just don’t hurt anyone. I…I’ll tell you the truth.” There was nothing for it. She just hoped she could weave an impressive enough story to persuade Hopkins to back down or at least buy enough time for the police to arrive. Why weren’t they here already anyway?

“I’m listening, witch,” Hopkins snarled.

Luz took a deep breath. “The thing is, I’m not a witch.” Hopkins aimed the gun at Amity’s kneecap. “No, no, wait! Hang on. I’m not a witch, but I know about them. You were right all along, but not about them being hostile. This summer, I was supposed to go to summer camp, because, well, my creativity got a little out of hand.” Quite a few people around her shuddered. Luz was annoyed. She was saving their bacon and they still couldn’t let the snake incident go? “But on my way there…I found a portal to the Boiling Isles.”

Luz was pretty sure she could still keep the genie in the bottle by talking about her experiences in the Boiling Isles and pretend afterwards it was just a story she was making up, so long as no one used any actual magic. She could just claim she was inspired by A Witch Among Humans. As much as she had despised Michael for making the site in the past, she had to admit that if it helped her with this, all would be definitively forgiven.

For the better part of an hour, Luz talked about her experiences. It was absurdly freeing, being able to tell everyone everything. She was worried at first her peers would laugh at her, but being held hostage seemed to have given them a sense of perspective and they didn’t say a word. She’d probably get mocked later, but that was the way the ball bounced. She’d rather be alive to be mocked than dead.

“So can you really do magic?” Brittany, one of the popular kids, asked, sounding legitimately interested, after Luz outlined her experience casting her first spell.

Luz sighed and said, “Unfortunately, I’d need to be in the Isles for the spells to work.” It was a lie. She was close enough to Clara that Clara’s mysterious powers would cause them to function. Right now, that was the last thing she wanted. “But the plot continued to thicken, as I went to the Covention…”

Luz felt like Scheherazade, weaving what she thought, in all humbleness, was a really spellbinding account of her time there. Hopkins was completely taken in. She had him on the hook. Perhaps she’d embellished it here and there with some made up stories of heroic antics too, but in her defense, talking about her time having swapped bodies with Eda sounded incredibly dumb when she thought about it.

“And then I told Amity that I’d be her date to the dance, because that’s what friends do!” she said, and everyone collectively winced. Yeah…not her finest moment.

“How could you not tell she had a crush on you?” one of the parent chaperones asked. “It sounds really obvious.”

Amity just smirked at Luz. “Yeah, Luz. How could you not tell?”

“Well, maybe the systemic campaign of bullying I got here ruined my self-esteem a bit,” Luz snapped at her peers, more of whom seemed remorseful than Luz was expecting. “So the next thing that went on was a grudgby match…”

The words just seemed to flow out of Luz as she told them incident after incident. Her friends interjected at appropriate moments, but not too often; they knew that if their story seemed too coordinated, people might suspect it was actually true. Luz honestly had no idea where their cover would stand when she was done. She hoped it would be intact. It wasn’t as if people often listened to her and believed her, right?

“And then she said, ‘then why were you so easy to curse!’” Luz shouted and everyone let out a loud gasp, looking legitimately stunned by this plot twist. “I know, I didn’t see it coming either.”

“I bet this Belos guy is human,” a kid Luz didn’t recognized said sagely after Luz finished talking about her first duel with Belos. “Maybe he’s Luz’s dad!”

Luz snarled at him. “My dad is dead and if you don’t keep interrupting me, I can stop you from joining him!” The kid shut up immediately. “So with the portal door destroyed…”

Hopkins listened attentively throughout her tale of the second season of her story. A teacher tried to jump him right around the middle of Hunting Palismen, but Hopkins smashed his gun into her face, breaking her nose, and then shot her in the knee for good measure. Besides that, though, there were few interruptions from him. Luz really was starting to think she was going to be able to talk her way out of the whole thing.

“So…you’re, like, a clone? And your uncle abused you?” the girl from Diana’s math class who had tried to ask her out asked Diana incredulously during the accounting of Hollow Mind. Diana sighed and nodded. “That’s rough, buddy.” Willow squeezed Diana’s hand gently but firmly.

“And now we’re back in the Human Realm,” Luz said, as her story came to a close. “And we’re just trying to get through our lives and get back to the Demon Realm. And, you know, this hostage thing – kind of not helping. So now that you know we don’t mean any harm, how’s about you put down that gun, Jacob?”

“Is this what Eddie would want you to do, Jake?” Diana called out. “He’s not a violent man. You haven’t killed anyone yet. You may go to prison, but Eddie will forgive you. But if you kill a kid, if you kill me, he’ll never speak to you again.”

Hopkins looked at the gun in his hand with an unfathomable expression on his face.

And then he burst out laughing. “Nice try, Lucia,” he sneered. “That was the most absurd story I’ve ever heard. It belongs on the Disney Channel.” It actually would probably do well there now that Luz thought about it, but knowing the Mouse’s perfidious ways, it probably would only get two full seasons and a third season consisting of three 44-minute specials.

“I’m not tricked by your ridiculous story,” Hopkins went on. “I’m going to save humanity. No matter the cost.”

Without further ado, he pointed the gun at Vee’s head.

*****

Eddie didn’t need to attend any stupid dance. It was only for morons who thought subjecting oneself to ridiculously loud sounds the barely qualified as music was cool. That was what he kept telling himself, and since he was a pretty darn good liar, in his opinion, he often believed it too. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t taken a stab at getting a date. He’d asked out four different people – two boys and two girls – and gotten shot down each time. Eventually, he’d just given up and decided to attend Gus’s party instead.

Of course, this wasn’t quite the whole story. In truth, Eddie knew he was only going through the motions of asking people out, so he’d at least be able to console himself with the story that he wasn’t going because he’d been rejected. All four of the people he’d asked out were miles out of his league. He knew they’d reject him. The real reason why he wasn’t going to the dance was that it’d hurt too much to see Diana dancing with someone else. Not that Eddie had anyone to blame for that but himself. After all, he’d broken up with Diana, not the other way around.

But it was for the best. Diana was happier than Willow than she would have ever been with him, and Eddie knew that would be the case. Still, each time he saw her and Willow together, he felt sick to his stomach a little. Going to the dance (especially without a date of his own) would accomplish nothing but causing him pain.

He sure had a lot of fun at Gus’s party, no doubt about it. The guest list was small. It was just him, Alice (whose crush had turned out to be straight), and Michael, as well as Gus, Aunt Marcia (as she always had Michael’s friends call her), Mrs. Noceda and the various palismen. Flapjack and Clover had an illusory human form and joined them for the festivities. They played truth or dare, did charades, and watched episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender. (Gus had become a closet fan but was keeping it from Amity, who found Katara’s voice so annoying it made her want to claw her ears off.)

And, of course, they got the entertainment of watching Mrs. Noceda talk to Aunt Marcia, which was honestly worth the humiliation of not having a date to the dance in Eddie’s opinion.

“So…” Mrs. Noceda said and trailed off. Aunt Marcia looked at her attentively. “I think there’s…maybe been a misunderstanding?” She looked over at her guests, who pretended to be diligently reading various books and not listening in. Clover spoiled the effect by holding her book upside down, but thankfully, Mrs. Noceda didn’t seem to notice. “About our…uh, relationship?”

Aunt Marcia tilted her head. “Okay? Are you breaking up with me?”

Mrs. Noceda coughed. “Well…it’s not quite that simple. See…I might not have known I was dating you in the first place?” She gave a nervous laugh.

Aunt Marcia raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? I thought I was being so obvious.”

Mrs. Noceda put her head down in shame. “You’re not the first one. Luz’s father, he thought the same. We went on, like, four dates before I realized I was dating him.” She twisted her fingers nervously. “But there’s more to it this time around…”

“Because you didn’t know you were bi,” Eddie said, abandoning all pretense he wasn’t listening in.

“I’m still not entirely sure,” Mrs. Noceda said, directing a fearsome glare at Eddie, who just smiled angelically at her. “I…this is all very confusing. I never considered I was anything but straight until very recently. I was with Antonio for so many years. I loved him, I was attracted to him – the idea of being attracted to women too simply never entered my mind. Luz says it’s not unusual to figure it out at my age.”

Eddie nodded. “I could give you, like, dozens of examples. If I grew up when you did, I probably never would have figured out I was bi either. It sort of sneaked up on me. There wasn’t one moment when I said, oh crap, I must be bi. There were a lot of incidents that, in retrospect, were obvious but it wasn’t until I joined the GSA as what I thought was a straight ally that I realized that, yeah, not everyone felt the way I did when they saw a hot guy.”

Mrs. Noceda looked grateful for the support. She looked over at Aunt Marcia. “So, yes, anyway, Marcia, I’m really sorry about the misunderstanding.” She took a deep breath. “And I think I want to take you out on a real date! One that, you know, we both know about.” She winced. “Ugh. That sounded awful. I might as well say crickey and go the whole hog…”

Aunt Marcia gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. “Of course, sweetie. That’s fine with me. I’m just glad we’re on the same page now. And if it doesn’t work out, if you’re straight after all, I’ll be fine with just being friends.”

Mrs. Noceda breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Well. It feels good to get that off my chest.” She turned to face Eddie. “Now what should we do about your eavesdropping, young man?”

Before Eddie could face an uncertain but possibly unpleasant fate, the doorbell rang. Everyone looked puzzled – they hadn’t been expecting any more guests. Maybe Luz and her friends had decided to ditch the dance early?

Mrs. Noceda opened the doorbell and four people Eddie recognized immediately were on the doorstep. They were the Pines twins and their wives. He’d never seen them in the flesh before, but he’d seen pictures of them online when Michael had told the GSA they’d been snooping around.

“Mrs. Noceda?” Mabel said with an uncharacteristically solemn expression on her face. “I’m Mabel Pines. Look, with what’s happening at the dance –”

Mrs. Noceda’s eyes widened. “What’s happening there?”

“There’s a hostage situation,” Wendy said. She raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t know? The police didn’t call you?” Mrs. Noceda took out her phone and was surprised to see it wasn’t working. Neither was Eddie’s phone or anyone else’s. Mrs. Noceda tried to pick up her landline, but didn’t get a dial tone. “Oh, man. This is worse than we thought.”

“A man named Jacob Hopkins has taken the students at the dance hostage,” Pacifica explained. Eddie felt lightheaded for a few seconds and he was worried he might faint. He should have known Jake would do something like that. He was a good man at heart, but there was always a violent streak to him, and getting firsthand experience with Willow’s magic probably hadn’t made him any more sane.

Eddie took a deep breath. “I know him. He’s my cousin. I can talk him down.”

“You’re in luck, then, because we have room for one more in our van,” Dipper said. He looked very calm and composed. Eddie envied him. Presumably, that was what fighting monsters did to one. “Shall we?”

Eddie looked over at Mrs. Noceda, who nodded. “Good idea. We’ll take the van and go to a safe place with a phone.”

Eddie followed the Pines family to their van. It was definitely the type of vehicle that he would have expected paranormal investigators to have, complete with various scientific (or pseudoscientific) instruments, the nature of which he could barely describe. Dipper drove the van way over the speed limit. Eddie supposed most of the cops who would stop him were already at the school dealing with the hostage crisis.

When they got to the school parking lot, his hypothesis seemed to be proven right. A lot of police cars were there and police officers were swarming the parking lot. Several men in dark suits were arguing with the senior officers, who looked exasperated. “Those are Lionel MacKinnon’s bodyguards,” Pacifica explained as they got out of the car. “He’s one of the hostages.”

The five of them walked calmly up to the leading officer. Mabel took the officer aside for a few minutes. Eddie strongly suspected whatever tactic she was planning on using was going to be an abject failure, but when she returned, he discovered that she’d actually been successful. The two of them went inside the school alone. Dipper, Pacifica, and Wendy decided that Jake would probably freak out if too many people were there.

They got there just in the nick of time, as Jake was about to shoot Vee. Eddie’s heart practically broke at seeing that his cousin had shot three people. Where was the gentle man who’d promised he’d stand with Eddie no matter what, even when Jake’s own parents had disowned him for it? Had he ever existed in the first place?

“Jake!” Eddie called out, and thank goodness, Jake turned to look at him. He flinched upon seeing Eddie. “Stop it. Whatever you’re doing here, it’s not going to work. You have to let the wounded get medical attention.”

Jake looked devastated. “You…you’re in on it.” He steeled himself. “No. That’s impossible. They had to have brainwashed you. The Eddie I know would always stand with family.” He nodded firmly. “That’s it. We’ll get you fixed up soon enough, cousin, I promise.”

Mabel started walking forward in Jake’s direction. Jake looked shocked to see her. “Jake, do you know who I am?”

Jake nodded. “You’re Mabel Pines. The podcaster.”

“That’s right, honey,” Mabel said in a gentle tone. “Whatever you’ve found, I can help you publicize it, get you the attention you need to get out the truth. But only if you put the gun down.”

“All right,” Jake said, and Eddie breathed a sigh of relief. “As soon as I kill this lizard,” he added, and then he spun around and pointed his gun at Vee’s head.

Mabel reached into her jacket and came out with what looked like a grappling hook pistol. “JAKE!” she called out, and when Jake faced her, she pulled the trigger and the hook speared Jake straight through the chest.

Jake dropped the gun and sank to his knees, blood flowing out of the huge hole the hook had left in his chest. The wound was mortal. It didn’t take a medical genius to realize that. Eddie quickly hurried over to his cousin and sat down next to him. Jake trembled in his arms, his last moments coming quickly. “I just wanted to save everyone,” Jake whispered. “I wanted to help people…” So had Belos. Having good intentions wasn’t enough in the end.

“It’s okay,” Eddie whispered, unsure of whether he was lying. “I forgive you.”

“I’m so sorry…” Jake rasped out. “I failed…”

And then he closed his eyes and breathed his last. Eddie knew that maybe it was wrong, but he felt a deep, profound sadness for his cousin. Jake had touched the unknown and unlike Eddie, it had unleashed all of his worst impulses. Maybe if Eddie had made more of an effort to find him, he could have stopped this before it started. Or maybe not. He would never know, and that was the worst thing of all.

Luz rushed over to Mabel and tackled her with a hug. “Thank you,” she said, tears running down her cheek. “Thank you so much for saving us.”

“It’s all in a days work for a gal like me,” Mabel bragged. “Saving damsels in distress, slaying monsters…”

*****

“…and the like,” Selket finished using Mabel’s lips. Inside her own head, Mabel screamed as she’d been doing constantly since Selket had possessed her, and each note of the scream was like a beautiful symphony to Selket’s ears. “But never mind about me. Are you and your friends okay?”

Noceda nodded. “I mean, we’re shaken up, of course, but physically, we’re good.”

Selket ordered the Falconer boy to let the police in and then turned to Noceda, a compassionate smile on Mabel’s lips. “You were so brave. I don’t know if I’d be half as brave in your shoes. Oh, I haven’t introduced myself yet! Mabel Pines, great to meet you!”

A starstruck look formed on Luz’s face. Presumably, she was acquainted with Mabel’s podcasts already. “Oh my gosh, you’re one of the Pine twins. I am, like, your biggest fan! I have so much of your merchandise and maybe I might have written self-insert fanfic of myself investigating with you guys…”

Selket ruffled Luz’s hair playfully. “Well, from what I’ve heard, you handled yourself pretty well tonight. Maybe there’ll be room for you on the team when you turn eighteen.” Luz’s eyes lit up so much Selket was honestly surprised they weren’t burning a hole through her.

You may be able to trick these people, but you’ll never be able to trick Grunkle Stan! Mabel warned Selket inside her mind, and Selket just laughed internally.

My dear child, I don’t need to trick him. Not when I have such lovely hostages. She twitched her head minutely in the direction of the parking lot, where Anubis, Sobek, and Wepwawet were possessing Dipper, Wendy, and Pacifica respectively. Your grunkles – both of them – will do as they are told when the time is right. There’s a lot more that I can do with you than just make you kill.

Mabel did the smartest thing she’d probably ever done in her life at that point: she shut up. Selket breathed a sigh of relief. Honestly, possessing Mabel was just exhausting. Her siblings and her had drawn straws and she’d lost. Before the Pines had come aboard their boat, the giraffes had successfully possessed the children they’d captured, then created golems identical to their original bodies for the Pines to “kill.” Thus, they never saw it coming when the kids they rescued knocked them unconscious and possessed them.

And now? Now they had the perfect in with the Nocedas. Sutekh’s ill-advised decision to demonstrate his power to Mrs. Noceda had rendered them utterly distrusting of him. Selket had to admit, it was not her father’s finest moment. But things were back on track now. The Pines were now above suspicion, they had proven themselves, and they were ready to join the Noceda family’s inner circle. Between that and “Grunkle Ford’s” proven track record of creating interdimensional portals, there was no way they could possibly fail.  

As the humans said, you caught more flies with honey than with vinegar…and the last of the Titans was a very juicy fly indeed.

Chapter Text

The gun waved around unsteadily in Hopkins’s hands as Vee watched helplessly. The madman who had tried to vivisect her over something as inane as getting a social media account verified was standing in front of her girlfriend, ranting like a lunatic, and there was nothing she could do. Not without giving up her cover. She might as well cut her own throat if that was the case. She’d heard stories of the government experimenting on helpless supernatural creatures. Of course, they’d all been works of fiction, but still…

“I’m going to show you what happens to those who betray their species,” Hopkins announced, and before Vee could stop him, he was squeezing the trigger and blood was sprouting out of a hole in the middle of Clara’s forehead. The cheerleader was dead before she hit the ground.

“NO!” Vee screamed, her voice morphing to a growl as she did, and before she could stop herself, she was back in her original basilisk form. She leapt at Hopkins’s throat and sliced it open to loud gasps from the crowd. Everyone looked disgusted at her, even her friends, as the mad conspiracy theorist died.

“MONSTER!” someone shouted. It was Michael. Hang on a second, wasn’t Michael at Gus’s party? But the thought only briefly flitted through her head before more voices echoed his. They were shouting insults at her – even Linus and Maria – advancing on her with murderous intent. Luz’s friends were just standing by and watching. And what was Luz doing? She was smiling.

“FREAK!” “CHANGELING!” “WEIRDO!” “CREATURE!”

The doors to the gym slammed open and several men in dark suits wearing sunglasses stormed into the room. Two of them grabbed her and dragged her outside. Vee tried to get away, but the government agents were too strong for her and they dragged her towards a black van.

“PLEASE HELP ME!” Vee screamed. She spotted Mami standing at the front of the growing crowd. “Mami, save me!”

“I would move heaven and Earth to save my daughter,” Mami said softly. “But you’re not my daughter. I have Luz back. What do I need you for? You’re nothing more than a changeling.”

“Mami, please,” Vee begged. “I love you.”

“I don’t love you,” Mami said, her voice as cold as ice, and she turned her back on Vee.

The agents shoved her into the van and she looked through the windows as the crowd got smaller and smaller, but she could still hear them. They were cheering for the agents. They were happy to be rid of her and

Vee sat bolt upright in her bed, shaking tremendously. She was finding it difficult to stop herself. That had been one of the worst nightmares she’d ever had, and she’d had some doozies in her time, especially since the night of the dance. This one had been more vivid and lifelike than any of them. Than all of them put together, really. A part of her wondered if it was more than a nightmare, if it was a prophecy, but the rational part of her brain dismissed it. She was just stressed and panicked about the quinceañera, that’s all.

She looked over at Luz, who was still asleep. One thing Vee had learned about her sister was that she could sleep through just about anything, including, likely, the apocalypse. Vee was tempted to try to wake her up anyway, but she restrained herself. By the looks of the grin on her face, Luz was enjoying a very nice dream, and as someone who had just gone through an absolutely terrible one, Vee couldn’t take that from her.

Vee had not been doing well since the hostage crisis. The other Demon Realm residents had gone through much worse in their time – Diana, Gus, and Willow had beaten back an Emperor’s Coven invasion in their own school – and Luz wasn’t the type to be phased by anything. Well, any sort of physical danger, at any rate. But while school hadn’t exactly been an entirely pleasant place for Vee, she rather liked it, all things considered. She liked learning things. She certainly hadn’t felt unsafe there. The bullying she received rarely if ever got physical, and until now, she hadn’t imagine she could ever be hurt there.

Since that fateful night, Vee had been beset with nightmares. Most of them had been about Clara dying. Sometimes, she died in them. Occasionally, Mami died in them and even less often Luz did. She supposed the fact that Mami wasn’t present and Luz just projected an air of utter confidence meant her subconscious dismissed them as potential targets. Her being taken away by government agents was definitely a new one and did not bode well for her sleep in the future.

Thankfully, as far as the outside world was concerned, Luz’s storytelling session had been taken as just a riff on A Witch Among Humans and no one in any position of authority took the story seriously in any way whatsoever. Her peers, on the other hand, were less certain. About a third of the school seemed to be under the impression she was telling the truth. Another third was adamant she was making the whole thing up. The remaining third appeared to believe Luz genuinely believed her story, but was delusional. Either way, the collective will of the school appeared to be keeping Luz’s story away from outsiders. Though the story had inevitably gotten out, very few people were corroborating that she’d said it.

One thing the school pretty much universally agreed upon was that Luz and Vee had switched places, most of them assuming it was to avoid bullying. Only Luz could either make up such an elaborate story or be the sort of person it would happen to. Luz had tacitly confirmed it to multiple people while still maintaining plausible deniability. As a result, Luz and Vee had been able to be their true selves, more or less, without too many negative consequences. In fact, Luz and Vee were even openly going by their real names now among the students and even some of the teachers were agreeing to refer to them that way.

Luz’s attempts to save everyone had bought her a phenomenal amount of goodwill from the student body. Over two dozen people had apologized to her so far, with varying levels of sincerity, for their bullying. Some of them clearly appeared to just see which way the wind was blowing, but others were genuinely remorseful. Vee was very happy for Luz. It was about time people realized what they’d did to her was wrong.

But Vee’s thoughts continued to be consumed by the question of what could have happened. The possibility of having died in the shooting didn’t bother her as much as Clara possibly having died. Before she came to Earth, Vee had never had anyone she would have been sad about losing, much less the endless anguish she would experience if Clara died. It would have been much worse than her own death – Vee had accepted that possibility a long time ago, when she’d genuinely believed it was inevitable she’d die in the Conformatorium without ever seeing the sunlight.

And now, the quinceañera was nearing. Luz’s family was flying in from far off places like the other side of the country or even the Dominican Republic. As much as Mami tried to convince Vee otherwise, they weren’t her family. She’d never met them. She didn’t know if they’d ever be her family. But as much as Vee would like to avoid them, that wouldn’t be possible. Not when they thought she was Luz. So she was going to have to endure a fun weekend of spending time with total strangers who thought they knew her and pray, with all her heart, she wouldn’t break her cover.

If they did, who knew what would happen? As sensationalized and flat out impossible as her nightmare had been, Vee knew there was a genuine danger of being experimented on, of being locked away in the American equivalent of the Conformatorium, if the government became aware of her. And if Luz’s family found out about her, they’d sell her out in a heartbeat. Why not? She was just a changeling, after all.

There was nothing to be done but grin and bear it, unfortunately. Luckily, Vee would have Clara and her friends at her side through a considerable amount of the process, and of course Mami would be there as well. All Vee had to do was smile, chatter away about the Good Witch Azura, and act like Luz. She’d fooled Mami for weeks, after all, and they’d lived in the same house. How hard could fooling Luz’s family be?

That’s what changelings do, a cruel voice whispered in the back of her mind. It sounded a little like Warden Wrath. It wasn’t him, of course; just her own negative thoughts given voice.

She shook her head to send the thoughts packing and tried to get to sleep. But she couldn’t. Humans forgot their dreams, but basilisks never did, at least not beyond the rate she would forget an ordinary memory. This was an advantage when she dreamed about things like marrying Clara but a definite disadvantage when it came to nightmares. She’d have to deal with that nightmare for a long while.

Finally admitting defeat, Vee slithered out of the room, being careful not to wake up Luz (though she could likely play music at full volume and Luz wouldn’t wake up) and went across the hall to Mami’s room. She hesitated before knocking on the door. A part of her still remembered how Mami had turned against her in the dream. Also, she didn’t want to disturb Mami while she was sleeping. But Vee had to admit it: she needed Mami right now.

So she knocked on the door just hard enough to wake up Mami if she was sleeping. About a minute or so later, a bleary-eyed Mami answered the door. She took one look at Vee’s face and swept her up in a hug. “Oh, mija, did you have another nightmare?”

“Uh-huh,” Vee said, not trusting herself to say anything more, out of fear she’d burst into tears.

“Come here, sweetie,” Mami said and led her into her room. “It’s okay. I understand. I…I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in danger like that. I know Luz is used to it now…” She scowled a bit. “But I’ve never had anything like that happen to me before in my life.”

She got back into her bed and motioned Vee to sit next to her. “Aw, you look so adorable like that, niñita,” she cooed. Vee looked down and was mildly surprised to see she’d changed shape into the younger version of Luz she’d used at IKEA. “Mami will keep the nightmares away, I promise you.”

Vee wanted to believe her, so she climbed into bed next to Mami. She hoped this would work. She also hoped Luz would never find out. She’d be holding it over Vee’s head for all eternity, most likely. “In my dream…Clara died.” Mami nodded solemnly. This wasn’t the first nightmare she’d told Mami about where Clara had died. “But there was more to it than that. The government took me away…and you let it happen. You were glad to be rid of me.”

Vee winced. She hadn’t meant to share that with Mami. Maybe there was something about the younger form that loosened her tongue. Now she was in for it. Mami would be angry at her, berate her for thinking so lowly of her. Maybe ground her or something worse. Instead, Mami ruffled her hair and kissed her on the forehead.

“Well, that should have been your first clue it was a dream, right?” Mami said, keeping her voice deliberately light. “Because I would never do that to you.”

“But why?!” Vee shouted, instantly regretting the tone she was taking the moment the words came out of her mouth. But Mami wasn’t offended. “I don’t understand why you’re so nice to me. How can you love me? I’m not your daughter!”

“That is preposterous, Vee,” Mami said sternly. “Family is about more than mere blood. So many of my relatives decided Luz was a sinner for something she was born as, and so I cut them off, because that’s not what family does. It didn’t matter that we share blood, just as it doesn’t matter that you and I don’t.” She gave Vee a compassionate smile. “Yes, you entered my family in a more…unconventional manner than most, but that doesn’t matter. And even if we hadn’t become family, I am not a woman who would abandon a child when she needed my help, ever.”

Vee nodded. “Okay. I understand.”

“Your decision to replace Luz was…well, I can’t say I approve, but I do understand, quite well. And ultimately, I am the one who failed to realize your true identity. You could not have deceived me if part of me hadn’t wanted to be deceived. I will have to live with that guilt. I deserve that guilt.” She stroked Vee’s head. “But you, basilisquito, should not feel guilty for seeking out safe harbor in an existence that had provided you with none.”

Mami poked Vee’s nose playfully. “Now enough moping. It’s time to go to sleep. You want to be well rested for this weekend’s festivities, don’t you?” Vee just nodded, trying to keep her trepidation out of her face. “Not to worry. You’ll have Luz, Clara, or me close at hand at all times. We’ll keep you happy and your cover intact. Now would you like me to sing you a lullaby?”

Vee nodded again, this time much more sheepishly. Mami sang her a gentle, quiet song in Spanish. Vee didn’t understand a word of it. She didn’t need to either. It did its job just the same. She drifted off to sleep, feeling secure with her mami by her side and this time, she didn’t have any more nightmares. 

It was quieter around the breakfast table the next morning. In order to minimize questions, Luz’s friends as well as their palismen were staying with Marcia this weekend. Vee supposed it would be like this sooner or later on a full time basis, at least during the school year. Luz’s friends would have to make it home eventually, right? Still, the idea of it being just Luz, Mami, and her was…strange. It would take a while for Vee to be comfortable with it.

“All right, so everyone remembers our story,” Mami prompted them. “You two were separated at birth due to a bureaucratic mix-up, you were raised in Gravity Falls, Luz, and none of us had a clue until you ran into each other at camp. I’m going to have to answer a lot of awkward questions about how I could possibly not know I was going to have twins, but that’s my problem, not yours.”

Vee nodded, a feeling of guilt settling in her stomach. If it weren’t for her, they wouldn’t be in this mess. Luz could have just been herself. Vee had stolen that from her. Now Luz was going to have to act like a total stranger to her beloved relatives and Vee was going to be showered with all the love and affection that Luz rightfully deserved.

As always, though, Mami could see through her bad moods as if she had oracle magic. “Oh, Vee, none of this is your fault. Without you, things would be terrible between me and Luz. I would have forced Luz to return home right away, she probably would have ran away…I don’t know what would have happened after that.”

“Yeah, Vee, you really saved my bacon!” Luz said. “I probably would have gotten the chancla without you.” Vee remembered the chancla’s terrible power and shuddered.

Mami gave both of them fond grins. “I know there is a lot of risk involved here, but I want you to let me worry about that.” Easier said than done. “For now, I just want you both to focus on what this event means: it is a celebration to honor you as you turn from children into young women. You’ve earned this. It’s going to be a party, and you are the guests of honor. Try to enjoy yourselves!”

“I’ll try, mami,” Vee said, just as the doorbell rang.

“That’s probably the Pines twins!” Luz said, bouncing up and down in her seat.

“Ooh, the Pines twins,” Vee ribbed. Luz had confessed privately – pledging Vee to secrecy – that the Pines twins had both been her first celebrity crushes once upon a time and part of what she termed to be her bisexual awakening. Of course, she’d long rid herself of those feelings and was utterly devoted to Amity, but still, Luz couldn’t help but be overjoyed to be spending time with the twin paranormal investigators. Naturally, Vee would never divulge her secrets, but she wasn’t above playfully alluding to it in a matter impenetrable to those not in the know.

The Pines team had remained in town after the hostage crisis. Though they had killed the escaped giraffes, they believed Mr. MacKinnon was the mastermind for whatever plans they had in mind and were looking into his operations. They even believed it was possible Mr. MacKinnon had masterminded the hostage crisis, getting himself shot to place himself above suspicion. Clara did not believe it, not because she didn’t think her father was capable of it, but because she was certain if he had been responsible, he would have used one of his own operatives instead of taking the very large risk of having the very unstable Hopkins do his bidding.

The Pines had taken on Luz as a sort of intern, and Mami could not bring herself to stop her, especially since it had been one of her foremost dreams. Over the last few days, Luz had gone with them frequently as they sought out paranormal creatures to be documented on their podcast. Most of the time, the searches had been dead ends. According to Dipper, there were a lot of those in the paranormal investigation business.

Mami walked over to the door and opened it, only to blink in shock at seeing the man on the doorstep. It was not Dipper. It was an elderly man Vee had only seen in photographs. It was Luz’s grandfather, the father of her dead father, Alejandro Noceda. A man who was a perfect stranger to Vee, yet someone who thought he knew her inside and out, not knowing how wrong he was.

“Alejandro,” Mami said, trying to keep her composure and failing quite miserably. “I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow.”

“Surprise!” Alejandro said, doing jazz hands and looking remarkably like Luz did for an instant there. A lot of Luz’s mannerisms, Vee realized, had come down his side of the family. No doubt Antonio had looked like that at times. “Well, it’s only fair, isn’t it? I got surprised by learning I had another nieta.” What the hell was a nieta? “And so I’m here to repay the favor. Mind if I come in?”

It was clear Mami did mind, but she could not think of a plausible reason to deny her father-in-law entrance, so she stood aside and let him into the house. He moved with surprising vigor for a man in his seventies. He had a vitality about him that once more reminded Vee of Luz. “So you’re the famous Lucia,” Alejandro said, walking up to Luz. Luz looked devastated that Alejandro hadn’t figured out her true identity by just looking at her, even though she must have known intellectually that would have been a very bad thing.

“Yep!” she said with a nervous laugh. “It’s nice to meet you, abuelo…er, sir!”

“It’s quite all right if you call me abuelo, Lucia,” Alejandro assured her. “After all, that’s what I am. I only wish you could have met your father.” A somber silence settled around the room. “He was an extraordinary man, the most open mind of anyone I’ve ever met. Well, except for your sister, of course!”

He gave her a fond smile. “I hear we have you to thank for saving everyone’s life at the dance. With quite an inventive tale. You did Antonio proud with that one. That’s exactly the sort of thing he would have done.”

Luz’s fist clenched minutely. Being told about her dead father as if he was a compete stranger to her was really getting to her, Vee could tell. Perhaps a change of subject would be good. “So what brings you here, um, abuelo?” Titan, Vee hoped she’d pronounced the word correctly.

Alejandro nodded sagely. “Yes, forgive me. I should have known you wouldn’t want to dwell on that night. Well, I was hoping to spend the day with you, Lucia. I’d really like to get to know you.” He smiled at Luz, who smiled back nervously. As soon as Alejandro looked away from them, Luz frantically shook her head at Mami. She did not want to go with Alejandro, to spend a day pretending one of her beloved family members was a compete stranger.

“How about we spend the day together?” Vee suggested. She didn’t want to spend the day with him either – so many ways her cover could get blown – but she couldn’t let her sister get hurt either. “Please, abuelo? I have so many things I want to talk to you about!” Vee gave her most adorable pleading expression.

Alejandro gave out a sigh. “As if I could ever resist that face. Your papi’s puppy dog eyes were even more potent – thank goodness he only used them for good!” He nodded. “Fine, but we will be spending time later, Lucia. Don’t think you can get out of family bonding time that easily!”

An awkward breakfast later (though thankfully Alejandro didn’t appear to notice the tension), Vee was in Alejandro’s car and the two of them were driving into town.

Vee was worried she wouldn’t be able to make conversation very well with him, but it proved to be easier than expected. For starters, she told him all about Clara, which took up a fair bit of time – Vee could gush about her amazing girlfriend like there was no tomorrow. Alejandro didn’t mind in the slightest “Luz” was dating a girl – indeed, he seemed quite impressed that she managed to snag such a wealthy girlfriend.

“It’s not like that,” Vee said with a frown. “I didn’t start dating Clara because her dad’s rich. I’m with her because I love her. She could be the poorest girl in the world and I’d still love her.”

“Oh, of course, of course,” Alejandro assured her, sounding quite mortified he had insinuated Vee was a snail burrower. “I’m just saying, I know you’ve sometimes…had difficulties socially in the past, and look at you now, landing the most popular girl in school!”

Vee nodded slowly. She really shouldn’t have made a fuss. She didn’t want to argue with Alejandro and make him suspicious. But maybe she was overthinking things. Luz probably would have defended Amity just as fervently. Heck, given that Amity’s family was extremely wealthy as well, she probably had.

Alejandro said something to her in Spanish that she didn’t catch. Vee could feel her ears burning in embarrassment, because, honestly, she was terrible at Spanish. Luz and Mami had tried to tutor her, but she just really couldn’t wrap her head around it. There were so many verb tenses and familiar and unfamiliar parts of speech and honestly, it just made her head ache.

“I…could you speak English, please, sir?” Alejandro narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Crap. “It’s just…” Vee cast her mind for an excuse that was plausible and was quite alarmed when it came up blank. “I’d appreciate it, that’s all. I can’t really give you another reason.”

“Okay…” Alejandro said slowly. “If that’s what makes you more comfortable, Luz, then that’s what I’ll do.” Vee sighed. She should have realized Alejandro would want to converse in Spanish and had a cover story prepared in advance. Luz would have done that. It would have been utterly plausible. (Or at least ridiculous enough to make Alejandro amused instead of suspicious.)

But Vee wasn’t Luz. She was just her changeling, and she was starting to fear that was all she would ever be.

As the car proceeded into town, Vee redirected the conversation back towards the direction of her friends. Alejandro, who must have no doubt heard Luz confide her failures in making friends to him on numerous occasions, looked overjoyed to hear Vee was so happy with them. At least Vee didn’t feel too guilty about that. Luz, after all, had made friends of her own in the Demon Realm.

Alejandro parked the car in front of a building whose sign denoted it as “Gravesfield Bowling.” Vee had no idea why they were there. She knew what bowls were, but not what it had to do with their presence at this building. Was Alejandro taking her shopping for kitchenware? It seemed rather a strange thing for a grandfather to do with his granddaughter.

When they walked in, Vee’s confusion only deepened. Instead of a place selling kitchenware, she found herself in a room with several lanes with wooden floors, where people were throwing balls at objects with a cylindrical bottom half and a smaller cylindrical top half. This was some sort of sport or game, she realized. The object was to knock down as many of those white objects as possible.

“Ta-da!” Alejandro said, gesturing grandly, as if he had personally created the place just for her own amusement. Vee could not help but giggle a little. “I thought you and me, bowling, just like old times would put you in a better mood. Your mother has told me you’ve been a little down in the dumps recently.”

“It’s my fault,” Vee whispered, not realizing she felt that way until the words escaped her lips. “The shooting. That man, he had a fixation on me. If I hadn’t ran into him, he never would have gotten it into his head that I was…you know, a lizard person. And I just stood there! I froze! But Lucia knew how to handle him! I should have done that! It was my mess, I should have cleaned it up!”

Alejandro crossed his arms and shook his head firmly. “It was not your fault, lucecita. That man was insane. If he hadn’t shot up your school, he probably would have shot up somewhere else eventually. And, Luz, you are a child. You’re not a hostage negotiator or a cop of any kind. It was not your responsibility to do anything.” He tried to give her a smile. Vee could not return it, no matter how hard she tried. “Now how’s about I get you some bowling shoes?”

Alejandro got her bowling shoes. Vee invented a sudden need to go to the bathroom, took her shoes there and left them next to the toilet, and shapeshifted a copy of the shoes onto her feet. When she came back, Alejandro had already gotten a lane for them.

Vee had expected to suck at the game, but much to her shock, she turned out to be really, really good. She just possessed naturally good hand-eye coordination, apparently. Quite unlike Luz, who had a remarkable faculty for tripping on just about anything and everything.

“You’ve been holding out on your abuelo, haven’t you?” Alejandro said with an impenetrable expression. Was he suspicious? Vee couldn’t tell.

Vee coughed. “Uh, Clara’s dad has a bowling alley in his house,” she lied. She was quite impressed with herself for coming up with such a plausible lie so smoothly. But after all, that’s what you’re best at, isn’t it, changeling? Deceiving the ones you love, the Wrathful voice in the back of her head whispered to her.

“Just one of the many perks of dating a rich girl, I suppose!” Alejandro said, seeming mollified by her explanation. Vee couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief, but a stab of guilt worked its way through her once more. Alejandro had been nothing but kind to her, but how had Vee repaid him? With lies and deceptions.

After they finished bowling, Alejandro took her out to lunch. It felt nice spending time with him. Vee didn’t have biological parents and thus no biological grandparents, but if she was going to have a grandfather, she would have been very happy to have it be Alejandro. He listened attentively as Vee infodumped about her various interests during lunch. She’d made a perfunctory effort to talk about the Good Witch Azura, but then confessed that she was now into science fiction.

“Oh, sweetie, you don’t need to feel guilty about not liking the Good Witch Azura anymore,” Abuelo – Alejandro! Vee reminded herself frantically – assured her. “I know you felt the need to be loyal to that series in part because your papi illustrated the first book.” He did? Now that was weird. Why had Luz not mentioned that? One would think that’d have shown up constantly in her monologues. But she’d never once mentioned that. “But it’s okay to move on to other interests. It’s not disloyal to your papi, I promise you.”

Vee nodded. “Okay…it’s just…I don’t want to hurt you.” That was true in more ways than Alejandro knew. She cast about for something else to talk about. “So…my grandmother?” She trailed off as she realized she didn’t know anything about Luz’s grandmother, only that she was not on the guest list. She winced. For all she knew, Luz’s grandmother could be dead!

Alejandro sighed and squeezed Vee’s hand. “Oh, Luz. I really tried my best to persuade her to come. But, well, you know Isabel. Once she gets an idea in her head, nothing can dissuade her from it, even if it’s as preposterous as thinking you’re some sort of degenerate.” He shook his head sadly. “I know you probably still feel guilty about us breaking up, but Luz, it was not your fault. It was a long time coming. There were many factors; it was not a decision I made cavalierly. Her rejecting you so cruelly was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

Vee had no idea what a camel was, but she definitely got the gist of the statement. It was sad. Knowing Luz and her legendary guilt complex, she no doubt believed with all her heart she had caused her grandparents’ marriage to come to an end. Vee hoped she could persuade her sister otherwise. “I know, abuelo,” she said. “I just wish she was here.”

“Me too,” Alejandro said with a current of pain in his voice. “She wasn’t like this before Antonio died, you know. She just…needed there to be a reason. So instead of him dying because sometimes people just get cancer and die, he died because it was a punishment from God. And she started seeing sinners everywhere, even in her own family. But it wasn’t like that.” He cast his eyes upward. Vee had no idea why. Weren’t gods supposed to be below them, like the Titan? “Antonio was just such a wonderful person that God called him back early, that’s all. He charmed everyone he met; why couldn’t the same be said for the Lord?”

He gave Vee a somewhat wry smile. Vee wasn’t sure whether or not he believed what he just said, and for that matter, Vee knew he wasn’t sure either. “Isabel believes life is fair, that if you sin, you get your just deserts. Perhaps that is true in the next life, but not in this one. But I believe life is unfair for a reason. If life was fair, what motivation would we have to make it better? We’d still be in caves.”

Vee shrugged. All of this deep theological stuff wasn’t something she was very good at wrapping her head around. All she knew was that the people who experimented on her thought they were doing the will of the Titan, so she was pretty distrustful of those who thought they knew what higher powers wanted. “I guess.”

“Ah, you’re not in the mood to talk about the big stuff, especially about your padre. I get that. Let’s talk about something else, then. Tell me about these friends of yours.”

Vee was relieved to talk about something she didn’t really have to lie about. She could talk all the livelong day about her friends, who were some of the nicest, kindest people in any realm. After quite a long time chattering away about them, Alejandro led her back to the car.

The two of them didn’t drive back to the house, though. Instead, Alejandro drove them to a plot of land on the edge of the city whose sign labeled it as Gravesfield Cemetery. The two of them walked through the grass, passing by stone objects situated throughout the area. They had writing on them commemorating people who’d died, and Vee realized Alejandro was taking her to see a similar object commemorating Antonio.

And sure enough, the stone read Antonio Noceda, then gave his date of birth and date of death, and then said something in Spanish Vee didn’t understand. She wished she did. She made a mental note of the words and decided she would ask Luz to translate them later.

“Well, Antonio, it’s a momentous day,” Alejandro said, visibly struggling to hold back tears. “Your daughter – daughters, as it turns out; I wonder if you knew anything about that. Your daughters are celebrating their quinceañera. I’ll be taking your place in the dance, but I wish you were here to dance with them.”

Vee could feel bile forming in her throat. This was perverse. She was standing in front of her dead father’s – Luz’s dead father’s grave and pretending that she was related to him when she was nothing more than a changeling. And she was going to be expected to say something nice to him? She couldn’t do it. It wasn’t right at all.

“I’m not Luz,” she blurted out, and then she braced for Alejandro to hit her or do something violent towards her.

Instead, he did the last thing she expected. He just gave her a gentle smile and said, “I know.”

Vee blinked repeatedly. “You…you do? But how?”

“You think I can’t tell my own nieta? What kind of a grandfather do you think I am?” Vee scowled. Mami hadn’t been able to tell it wasn’t her. “I’m sorry, sweetie, but only Luz could tell such an elaborate yarn at a moment’s notice like that. Lucia, I’ve heard a lot about what your sister went through in school, and I think it’s incredibly compassionate of you to take on that burden, just so she could have a fresh start.”

“My name is Vee,” Vee said.

Alejandro…oh, to hell with it. Abuelo said, “That’s a beautiful name. It suits you.”

Vee could feel the tears streaming down her face. Titan, she looked so undignified. But she knew Abuelo didn’t care. “Thank you, abuelo.”

“I do have a question, though,” he said. “Is Clara really your girlfriend or is she Luz’s?”

“She’s mine,” Vee said with a proud smile. “Luz has her own girlfriend. You’ll meet her tomorrow.”

“I can’t wait,” Abuelo said, and without any warning, pulled Vee in for a hug. It felt nice, like he was family. But he wasn’t. Vee had stolen her place in the Noceda family. She didn’t deserve any affection from him. Or anyone, really.

When they got back to the house, Abuelo informed Luz and Mami that he had figured out the switch. Luz looked so relieved she didn’t have to lie to her grandfather anymore and that their cover was still intact in front of it. She spent most of the rest of the afternoon gushing about Amity, being careful to alter all her stories so they fit the cover of them having met at Reality Check Camp.

During dinner, Abuelo told them a lot of stories about Antonio and so did Mami and Luz. Vee wished she could feel an emotional connection to this complete stranger who had died a dimension away from her, but she didn’t. She just felt absurdly guilty for not being able to do so.

“Luz, why do you never talk about your dad having illustrated the first book of the Good Witch Azura series?” Vee asked Luz.

Luz just stared at her, looking gobsmacked. “He…he did? No, that’s not possible, is it? It wasn’t him. It was Fernando Diaz. That’s the name on the book.”

“That was his pseudonym,” Mami said slowly. “I am certain I told you that.”

Luz sighed. “Maybe I repressed the memories, so I wouldn’t have to feel awful every time I looked at my favorite book.” Her eyes lit up. “Whoa! I’m related to the illustrator of one of the Good Witch Azura books! Amity is going to be so impressed when I tell her!”

The next day, the day of the quinceañera, Vee shapeshifted into her special dress, a skill Luz was profoundly jealous at her for being able to do. Luz had tried to convince Mami to let her wear something less traditional, such as an otter costume, but Mami had refused to budge. Vee liked her dress. She bet Clara would like it too.

Mami drove them both to the church for the mass that would be the first part of the ceremony. Their court of honor was waiting for them when they arrived. The court consisted of Amity, Willow, Diana, Clara, Maria, and Alice on the girl’s side and Gus, Eddie, Michael and three other boys from the GSA Vee didn’t recognize on the boy’s side. Linus had refused to participate in an activity that would require them to claim to be the gender they were assigned at birth.

“You look absolutely stunning,” Clara said to Vee as soon as she saw her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Not half as beautiful as you do,” Vee said. It was quite true. Clara was wearing a very expensive dress that even outstripped the one Mami had bought Diana, no doubt bought with Mr. MacKinnon’s money. Vee felt much lighter and confident now that her girlfriend was there.

Vee turned out the actual religious ceremony. She didn’t care much about religion, nor did she feel obliged to even try to worship the god Mami believed in. Mami didn’t expect her to either. She occasionally cast a sympathetic smile in Diana’s direction. She knew Diana felt uncomfortable partaking a ceremony dedicated to the god which Belos had used as a justification for his evil schemes. The only reason she’d been there at all was Mami pointing out that Belos probably actually hated Catholics, so being at a Catholic ceremony was sticking it to him.

Then she was called up to the front and received a tiara. She liked the way it looked on her, but still, she was hoping she wouldn’t have to wear it on a regular basis. It was pretty gaudy, in Vee’s opinion. But she still wore it with pride because of what it meant to Mami. Mami had given her everything, even though Vee didn’t deserve any of it. The least she could do was wear a stupid crown for her.

And then, finally, they went back to Vee’s house for the reception. There were so many relatives. Well, not too many – around a dozen or so – but there were still so many names and faces to remember. And they all wanted to talk to her. Vee tried her best to give her most effective Luz impersonation, but it was exhausting. Fortunately, though people seemed to notice “Luz” wasn’t her normal exuberant self, they all seemed to attribute it to her still being a bit traumatized by the hostage crisis.

Luz did the traditional father-daughter dance with Abuelo. Both of them looked very sad during the dance despite the ostensibly joyful nature of the occasion. Vee knew both of them were missing the man who should have been dancing with Luz. After Luz was done, it was Vee’s turn. At least dancing was something she could do well – she’d practiced plenty in advance. Vee wished she felt something about having an opportunity to dance with her new grandfather, but she didn’t feel anything at all.

Afterwards, Luz and Vee danced with their girlfriends. Some people, Vee couldn’t help but notice, still looked slightly uncomfortable at seeing the girls dance with one another, but whatever they may have been thinking, they kept their thoughts to themselves.

“You’re doing so well,” Clara praised her. “I know this isn’t easy for you.”

“I feel like I don’t belong here,” Vee admitted. “I tricked my way into this family.”

“Your mom would disagree with you. Really strenuously.” She leaned forward and gave Vee a gentle kiss. “I love you. I know everyone here cares about you too. You’re Vee Noceda. Remember that.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Vee lied. She didn’t feel like a Noceda. She wasn’t sure she ever would.

Afterwards, the song changed to songs chosen by the honorees themselves. Luz’s chosen song was “Disco Girl” by Icelandic pop sensation BABBA and Vee’s chosen song was “Isn’t She Lovely?” by Stevie Wonder. In Vee’s opinion, her song was much better. She didn’t understand for the life of her how anyone could enjoy music like BABBA, and strongly suspected that Luz just picked the song because it was Dipper’s favorite song.

After the dancing was over, the guests milled about in the reception. Vee stayed close to Mami, wanting her around in case members of the Noceda and Serrano family she didn’t know wanted to talk to her. “That was a very lovely dance you and your abuelo had,” Mami said. “I only wish…” She shook her head. They both knew what she wished. “Well, anyway, I’m sure he’s watching us right now and very, very happy.”

“I’d agree 100% with you,” Marcia said from behind them. Vee jumped a little. She did not like surprises. “Hi, Luz. You and Lucia were real stars today.”

“Thank you?” Vee said. She was reasonably certain Marcia had been complimenting her. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“As if I would miss such a special day for my girlfriend,” she said, planting a kiss on Mami’s lips. Vee wasn’t sure how she felt about Marcia dating Mami. On the one hand, she was happy that Mami was happy. On the other hand, she was a little jealous that Mami had yet another person in her life who wanted her attention. Also, the idea of her maybe eventually being cousins with Michael was just weird.

Mami took a deep breath. “Are you ready? I mean, if you’re not, it’s okay! I won’t think any less of you. I don’t know how ready I am…”

“I’m ready,” Marcia assured her. “And so are you.”

The two of them walked over to where Abuelo was standing. They both took a deep breath. “Alejandro, I’d like to introduce you to Marcia Waters. She’s…she’s my girlfriend.”

Abuelo was silent for a few seconds, his face unreadable. Then he reached out, grabbed Marcia’s hand, and planted a kiss on the back of it. “A pleasure to meet you, Marcia.” A sad look flitted on his face briefly. Vee knew it wasn’t the fact that Mami had a girlfriend as opposed to a boyfriend that was making him sad, but rather the fact that Mami had found someone at all to move on with who wasn’t his son.

“I’m not presuming to be able to meet the high expectations your son set, Mr. Noceda,” Marcia said, her voice unusually humble. “I’m just trying to treat her as well as I can, to the best of my ability. We’re not…we’re taking things pretty slowly right now. There’s been a lot of major changes in her life. So we’re cool?”

“We are cool,” Abuelo confirmed. “To be honest, Camila, I’m quite relieved. I thought you were in a relationship with Clara’s father.”

Mami looked like she might throw up at the very thought. “Why in God’s name would you think that?!”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it was the fact that you were very publicly seen on a date together. Or the fact that you suddenly live in a mansion.”

Mami scowled at him. “I happened to stumble upon buried treasure. I know it sounds implausible, but I can back it up. If you don’t believe me, I can put you in contact with Dr. Kessler at the Met, which I sold it to. And as for that ‘date,’ I was paying a debt, no more than that. I despise Lionel MacKinnon. The man is a monster.”

“But Clara’s nothing like him,” Vee hastened to assure him.

Mami nodded. “Clara is a very good girl and I heartily approve of Vee dating her. I have no doubt they’ll be extremely happy together.”

Vee spotted Luz gesturing for her to come over. She was talking to a relative Vee recalled was Mami’s aunt Cecilia, the sister of Mami’s mother. Luz’s friends were nearby, looking annoyed. Luz did not look very happy and presumably was calling her sister over for moral support.

“Hi, Lucia,” Vee said, trying to keep her voice airy. “What’s up?”

“Just…talking with Tía Cecilia, that’s all,” Luz said in a pained tone. “So I’ll just leave you two to it…”

“Oh, no,” Cecilia said, grabbing Luz’s arm and pulling her back just as Luz started to walk away. “Someone is going to give me some answers, and I suggest you do it quickly. I know for a fact Camila didn’t have twins. I remember her talking to me about her ultrasound. She would have mentioned she was having twins. So what in God’s name even are you, ‘Lucia?’ Some demon?!”

For once, Luz appeared lost for words. But Diana was not. “Hey! Leave her alone! This is her special day, and she wants to spend it with her family, not some interfering busybody!”

“What the hell is his problem?” Cecilia asked Vee.

“It all started on the day of her birth,” Luz said dramatically. “Both her parents failed to show up.” She blinked a couple of times. “Hang on, did you just misgender her on purpose? Because that’s a real dick move, Tía Cecilia.”

Cecilia’s eyes twitched. “It doesn’t matter if he is wearing a dress or makeup. He’s still a man underneath that get up!” Everyone around her gasped in shock. Vee had not expected one of Luz’s relatives to be such a blatant transphobe. Weren’t the people at the party the remaining members of Luz’s family who were tolerant of the LGBT community? What was up with that?

“Your decision to spurn what God made you as is an affront,” Cecilia went on, uncaring of the hostile stares around her. “Unlike Luz, who was born this way, you chose to defy your true nature. It is blasphemous, young man, and I will not tolerate it.”

Cecilia reached into her purse and pulled out a chancla. “Don’t you dare,” Willow called out, but Cecilia’s hand was already moving and the chancla, a weapon Vee had only heretofore associated with justice and the defeat of Hopkins, smashed against Diana’s cheek. Diana looked so surprised that she didn’t even bother to fight back. Maybe she was used to being hit.

Willow’s eyes glowed green, but Gus put a firm hand on her shoulder and shook his head. As tempting as it was, Willow couldn’t use her magic to put this disgusting transphobe in her place. Cecilia struck Diana three times more, and then she moved to strike her a fourth time, but Mami was suddenly there and grabbed the chancla out of Cecilia’s hand.

“Enough,” Mami hissed. “You are no longer a welcome guest in my home, tía. Get out.”

“Your mother would be so ashamed of you,” Cecilia said, obviously expecting the words to have a devastating impact, but Mami barely looked phased by them at all.

“It is you she would be ashamed of,” Mami retorted. “Attacking a fellow guest is not an honorable thing to do, Cecilia. If you knew a tenth of a shit she went through…well, let’s just say she’s gone through a hell of a lot more than you have. And even if she hadn’t, her gender wouldn’t be any of your business. Now get out!”

Cecilia was silent for a few seconds. Then she gave Mami a ringing slap across the face. “Insolent whelp,” she snarled. “My sister was always too lax. She should have given you the flat of her hand when you dared to talk back to her!” She rolled up her sleeves. “I’m going to make up for that right here, right now!”

“GET AWAY FROM HER!” Vee snarled, and a chorus of gasps echoed through the room. Panic and fear coursing through her, Vee looked down, hoping against hope she wouldn’t see what she thought she was going to see. But it was for naught. She was in her full basilisk form in front of all of Luz’s relatives. Her nightmares were about to come to pass.

“Demon!” Cecilia said, pointing a shaking hand at Vee’s head. “You’re a demon!” Wow, she finally got one right. Even a broken clock was right twice a day, Vee supposed.

Mami stepped in front of Vee. “You stay away from my daughter, Cecilia,” she said in a voice as cold as the Knee. “I will not permit you to harm her. I will defend her with lethal force if need be. And that goes for you all!”

Abuelo walked over towards Vee and put himself between her and Cecilia. Vee watched on with wonderment as member after member of Luz’s family joined him. They…they were going to protect her? Even though they knew she wasn’t a real Noceda? Even though she was a changeling? Was this all some magnificent dream she was having?

“She’s family,” one of Luz’s cousins said. “We protect family.”

She was family? “I…I’m a Noceda?” Vee whispered, awe filling her voice.

“Sí, nieta,” Abuelo said. “You are and always have been a Noceda.”

Even Cecilia could see she was outnumbered and that she couldn’t take down everyone. And that wasn’t an exaggeration. There was no one who was on Cecilia’s side. No one at all. “She is family and you are not,” Mami said strongly. “So get out now, while you still have all your limbs attached!”

Cecilia drew her head up, trying to maintain a haughty air, but it was ruined by the fact that she was clearly frightened out of her wits. “You will remember this moment and regret it when you stand judged for your many sins,” she promised. No one looked impressed, especially when Vee let out a growl and then Cecilia ran for her life, tripping and falling twice on her way out.

And then, suddenly Vee was surrounded with affection! Mami and Clara and Luz were giving her hugs, but it wasn’t just them. Her friends, Luz’s friends, and Luz’s family – no, Vee’s family now – were hugging her. It was the most wonderful experience she’d ever had. She wasn’t a changeling anymore. She was a Noceda.

“So if someone would care to give us some answers…?” Abuelo prompted.

Luz went into her storytelling mode almost immediately. She mostly told the truth, but instead of demons and witches, she claimed her friends were aliens. Instead of a portal, there was a wormhole. But other than that, yeah, she pretty much told them everything as it had happened.

“Vee Noceda, you have gone through so much, but I can promise you, whatever happens, you will always have the backing of your family,” Abuelo vowed. “I’m honored to be here at my granddaughter’s quinceañera, and I’m honored to be your grandfather. We will keep your secrets.” Everyone gave sounds of agreement. They would stand with her, Vee realized.

“Thank you,” Vee said, not able to keep from crying tears of joy and not even bothering to try. “Thank you so much for accepting me. I thought…I thought I didn’t deserve to call you family…I thought I was just a changeling…”

“Of course you aren’t, mija,” Mami promised her. “You’re my daughter. Never forget that.”

And so Vee went through the rest of the quinceañera feeling like she was on top of the world. She was Vee Noceda – Vee Noceda! – and she could tackle absolutely anything. And when she drifted off to sleep that night, all of her dreams were magnificent.

Chapter Text

Gus had had a lot of fun at the quinceañera, especially after Camila’s awful aunt was kicked unceremoniously out of the party. It was fascinating to see how traditions were different between different cultures. In the Isles, cultures would have differed based on species. Witches and vampires, for example, did things very differently. But with humans being the only sentient species in the Human Realm (Gus was unconvinced by Ghost’s claims her fellow cats were sentient), they’d developed cultures based on locations. If Luz’s relatives had grown up in a different part of the world, they’d have done things very differently.

But as much fun as he’d had during the rest of the festivities, it was dragged down by the fact that Diana had been in a foul mood and nothing seemed to get her out of it. Cecilia’s words had gotten to her. They had zeroed in on her fears and insecurities and attacked with vicious abandon. Gus didn’t know what it was like to be trans, but he did know a thing or two about how cruel words – or even well intentioned ones – could activate all of one’s worst thoughts and feelings and refuse to let go. Humans had a saying that said sticks and stones could break your bones, but words could never hurt you. Many human sayings didn’t make any sense, but this was the only one he’d encountered so far that seemed flat out harmful.

Unfortunately, Gus didn’t know what he could do in order to break Diana out of her funk. He’d tried so many different things. He’d taken her clothes shopping, only for it to seem to make her even more self-conscious. After talking to Viney through the In Between Realm, he’d given Diana a detailed account of how the transition potions would change her body to the point where she’d be completely indistinguishable, physically speaking, from someone who was assigned female at birth. But even though Diana tried her best to act as if this was helping her, Gus could tell it was not.

Gus may have had no idea what to do to help Diana, but he wasn’t the only person who cared about Diana. Surely Gus’s friends would know what to do. So with Diana distracted by the book sale at the library, Gus assembled his friends and told them about the problem. He hoped one of them would have a plan – with minimal explosions in Luz’s case – because he was frankly stumped.

“I’ve got a brilliant idea!” Luz announced, and Gus could see everyone else’s expression become just the slightest bit wary. “Oh, come on! Don’t judge it until you’ve heard it!”

That was fair enough, Gus supposed. And it wasn’t as if Luz wasn’t capable of coming up with good ideas. In fact, the vast majority of her ideas had at least some good element to them; they just needed refinement, which Gus was more than happy to provide as her friend. “Okay, let’s hear it, Luz,” he said in an encouraging tone.

“Well, you know how Diana doesn’t have a birthday?”

Willow frowned. “Except she does have a birthday. It’s May 12.”

“Yeah, but it’s not really her birthday, cause she wasn’t really born,” Luz argued. “Heck, it was probably Charlotte’s birthday. So we can decide what her birthday is and throw her a big party! And I think tomorrow is a great time for it, cause it’s Halloween!”

Gus had heard quite a bit from Luz about Halloween this last week. It was, according to her, the best holiday in existence, because you could be as weird as you liked and no one would judge you for it. Humans dressed up in all sorts of different costumes. In many cases, they were supposedly mythological and frightening creatures (most of which were, unbeknownst to them, quite real), but sometimes, people just dressed up as random things, like as superheroes or Star Wars characters. On Halloween evening, children went to neighbors’ houses and threatened the neighbors into giving them candy. It was a weird thing to do, in Gus’s opinion, but he always made a point of respecting cultural differences unless they were harmful and it was his understanding the children weren’t supposed to follow through on their threats.

Gus and his friends were of two minds about Halloween. On the one hand, it was rather stupendously racist. People dressed up as hideous looking hags and called them witches, and that wasn’t even getting into how they portrayed vampires and werewolves, who were just ordinary people who happened to be cursed with a thirst for blood or becoming wild beasts during a full moon. On the other hand, humans clearly didn’t know any better and thought they were just telling stories about fictional things. And Luz’s enthusiasm for the holiday was admittedly infectious. Vee was also positively overjoyed at the prospect about being able to be out in her true form all day and go on a date with Clara as a basilisk.

So they’d all decided they’d go out and trick or treat, because they didn’t want to disappoint Luz. (Luz was supposedly too old to trick or treat according to Camila. Luz asserted that the Halloween spirit never truly died and thus there was no age limit. Uncertain as to who was right, Gus decided he would err on the side of his friend.) Their only condition was that none of them (save Vee’s “costume,” of course) would be dressing up as any creature found in the Demon Realm, which Luz had happily acquiesced to.

“Luz, you can’t just arbitrarily state Diana doesn’t have a birthday,” Amity said gently but firmly in response to Luz’s previous comment. “How’d you like it if she did that to you?”

Luz looked morose. “Oh. Sorry. I was just, like, trying to help. So if having a party is out, then what?”

“I don’t see why having a party is out, though,” Amity pointed out. “We don’t need to have it be Diana’s birthday to celebrate her.”

“But what’s the occasion?” Luz said, sounding confused.

“The occasion is Diana’s the best sister in the multiverse!” Gus shouted enthusiastically. “Sorry, Amity, but Diana’s got Emira beat hands down.” Amity just shrugged in response.

Willow nodded fervently. “And she’s the best girlfriend!”

“She’s…well, she’s not as bad as I thought she was,” Amity grumbled. But it was only perfunctory, Gus could tell. Amity and Diana had been getting along a lot better recently. Maybe friends wasn’t the right word to describe them yet. Frenemies, perhaps? They argued a lot, but there was really no maliciousness behind it.

“So it’s agreed, then!” Luz shouted. “Tomorrow, we’re having a Diana appreciation party! It’s going to be great! But we need to keep her away from the planning, because it has to be a surprise. Gus, can we rely on you to do that?”

Gus nodded. It was about time the two of them had some brother-sister bonding time anyway. Diana might make a token protest, but all Gus had to do was give her puppy Cerberus eyes and Diana would do whatever he wanted. It was a power Gus only used sparingly, but this was definitely for a worthy cause. Diana would be so much happier when she remembered she had friends who cared about her and appreciated her – as a woman, as a friend, as a sentient being. And if there was one thing one could rely on when it came to Luz’s plans, it was them being very in your face about things. Diana would not be able to hide from that truth.

So the next day, Gus spirited Diana away for a day that Gus was really looking forward to enjoying. It wasn’t just an excuse to keep her away from the house while they planned out her party – Gus was genuinely feeling gleeful about spending time with his sister. Diana had indeed protested, but Gus’s pleas combined with Camila (who had been briefed on the party plans and approved wholeheartedly) backing the plan got Diana to cave.

The first order of business was procuring everyone’s costume. Fortunately, Gus had the perfect costume for himself. Gus had finally finished with Avatar: The Last Airbender (and was looking forward to watching Legend of Korra soon) and had decided to pick a costume pertaining to that show.

“So what kind of person is this Zuko character supposed to be again?” Diana asked once they got to the costume shop and started looking through their collection.

“He’s like you as a cis male,” Gus explained. “A brooding emo with an abusive relative who is at first a fanatical enemy of the heroes, then almost grasps on to a chance for redemption only to choose said relative, but in the end, he turns against his relative and fights on the side of the heroes. Also, you’re both snarky, have a scar on your face, and need way more sleep.”

Diana was silent for a while. “I want to object to that, but I’m not sure how.”

“Well, don’t worry – his girlfriend may be badass, but yours could beat her in a fight, no question.”

“That does make me feel better,” Diana said, seemingly completely seriously. She spotted a costume a few rows down and ran over to it, her eyes lighting up with glee. “Whoa! Gus, Gus, come look over at this!”

More than happy to look at whatever had made Diana more enthusiastic than she’d been in the last week, Gus walked over to her and was completely unsurprised to see her looking at a Wonder Woman costume. Well, so long to Gus’s plans of asking Diana to dress up as Azula so their costumes could match. There was no way Diana was going to pass on the chance to dress up as her namesake and idol. It probably would have been insensitive for Gus to ask Diana to dress up as a villain anyway.

“Oh, man, this’d be so cool to wear,” Diana said reverently. “But…”

“So…buy it?” Gus said, confused as to why Diana seemed to think there was a problem. Camila had given them plenty of money for their costumes.

Diana sighed. “I’d like to, but…but I’d look weird. I mean, it shows so much of my legs and they don’t…they don’t look…” She gestured helplessly. “They’re so muscular.”

“Willow’s legs are muscular too,” Gus reminded her. “Maybe it’d help if I made you a concealment stone?”

“I don’t…I don’t know, Gus. I’d still know what was underneath. You know, I know you thought you were helping me when you told me about those transition potions, but…all you did was remind me I can’t have any of that right now.”

Gus winced. He hadn’t thought about it that way. “Look, Diana, people come in all shapes and sizes, masculine, feminine, whatever. And, look, I don’t know what it’s like to not like the body you were born with, but I do know what it’s like to not like the person you are. It sucks.” He put a hand on his sister’s shoulder. “But what makes it suck less is having friends – and a brother – who will be there for you, sis. Whatever you need, whenever you need it.”

Diana wiped a tear from her eyes. “Thank you, Gus. That really means a lot to me.”

In the end, Diana decided to buy the Wonder Woman costume, as well as a more modest pirate costume in case she wasn’t feeling up to wearing it. For Amity, they got a costume of an elf from the Lord of the Rings so she could go out with her real ears, something Luz was very insistent on. Neither Diana nor Willow cared one way or another how Willow’s ears were, so Diana ended up buying her girlfriend a Jedi Knight costume. Luz already had a Halloween costume picked out in advance. It was, of course, the Good Witch Azura. 

After Gus and Diana dropped the costumes off at Marcia’s house so she could deliver them to Camila, two of them went to a place called McDonald’s for lunch. According to Luz, while the food there was dreadfully unhealthy, it was practically a rite of passage for being human, and Gus was always up to trying new human rituals. He may have become more disillusioned with humanity as of recently, what with learning about their manifold and bizarre reasons for hating one another, but that didn’t mean he was writing them off entirely. There was still much to appreciate about them. He was just taking a more critical eye towards things.

At any rate, Gus and Diana both loved the food there. They had something called a Big Mac, as well as these delicious potato strips called French fries on the side. He could eat this stuff at every meal, though he was smart enough to realize that would be a bad idea.

“So where are we going next?” Gus asked Diana eagerly.

Diana shrugged. “I thought we’d head home. We’ve got the costumes, we need to try them on before the trick or treating.” Gus’s flash of worry at this deviation from his plans must have shown on his face, because Diana narrowed her eyes. “What’s up with you? Wait a second. You’re hiding something. This has to do with why we brought the costumes to Camila’s girlfriend instead of her.”

This was going to be a tough one. Lying to his sister would be wrong, especially with her trust issues. But Luz would be so disappointed if Diana’s surprise got spoiled early. “Diana…do you trust me?” Diana nodded immediately. “Then just trust me when I say we can’t go home just yet, okay?”

“Did Luz kill someone? Are you trying to hide the body?”

“What?” Gus said, genuinely shocked this would be the first thing that leapt to Diana’s mind. “Hell, no! Diana, I promise you, nothing bad is happening. There’s just a secret I’ve been asked to keep, and we have to stay out because of that.” 

“Well…I do trust you,” Diana admitted. “You wouldn’t keep something dangerous from me. So what now?”

Gus had to admit he hadn’t thought that far. At any rate, he had a more pressing problem: he’d drank way too much Coke way too fast. He sprinted off to the restroom and thankfully found an available stall. As he was doing his business, he heard loud crying coming from the stall adjacent to him. Someone was seriously upset in there.

“Uh, you okay in there, buddy?” Gus called out tentatively after he was done and out of the stall. He immediately cursed himself for asking a question whose answer was trivially obvious. 

“Gus?” a voice called out and Gus was quite surprised to find it was Eddie’s. Of all the people who he would expect to find crying in a McDonald’s bathroom stall, Eddie was way near the bottom of the list. He always seemed to have it together. “What are you doing here?”

“Having some brother-sister bonding time with Diana,” Gus responded. “I should be asking you the same question. You need me to call someone, man?”

There was silence for a few seconds, then Eddie’s stall opened. Wow. He looked awful. He must have been crying for ages. “I…I need…” He tried to get a hold of himself. “Can I tag along? Please?”

Only a monster would have refused Eddie’s request when he was in such an awful state. Besides, having Eddie around would prove a good distraction for Diana. “Okay, but there are a few things you need to know.” He told Eddie about Diana’s present issues as well as the surprise party awaiting her at home later.

“You know, you’re a damn good brother, Gus,” Eddie said with a slight grin. “I wish I had a sibling like you. Sorry to say, the closest thing I had to a sibling was Jake.”

The light suddenly dawned. “That’s why you’re so upset!”

Eddie nodded. “Losing him was hard on me. He’s not…I know you saw him as a monster, and I’m not saying he didn’t live up to that at the end. But I’ve known him all my life. He was with me through thick and thin. I miss him so much, and I can’t talk to anyone about this, because he shot three people and everyone already thinks I’m like him by association.” He sighed. “It’s not like either of you could understand…”

Gus gave a grim, humorless smile. “You know what? I think Diana would understand quite well. Why don’t we go talk to her and see what she has to say?”

Gus led Eddie over to Diana’s table. Diana looked surprised to see Eddie, but not at all displeased. In fact, she seemed happy to see her technical ex-boyfriend. Gus explained the troubles that Eddie was having. Without a second of hesitation, Diana gave Eddie a hug. Eddie looked shocked Diana was being so nice to him, even after he had spent a lot of time avoiding her recently.

“I know exactly how you feel,” Diana assured her. “Everyone’s like, you should hate that person forever, but it’s just damn hard to let go of everything!” Eddie nodded. “And everyone’s asking you to analyze all your slightest interactions with that person, because it was all a manipulation. Well, maybe I don’t want it to be a manipulation, okay?! Maybe I want to keep those happy memories of Uncle Belos happy, damn it! He took everything from me – does he have to take the good times too?!”

“Right!” Eddie said enthusiastically. “Jake was out of his mind, but he loved me. I guess I was luckier than you were on that front. And he swore to me when the lizard people were defeated, I could live in a world where homophobia doesn’t exist. Which is totally demented, of course, but, man, did I appreciate the sentiment. He was fighting for me, because he loved me.”

“I live in a world where homophobia doesn’t exist,” Diana pointed out. “It’s nice. Even Amity’s mom, who’s a total…Carmen? Clarissa?”

“Karen?” Eddie suggested.

Diana nodded. “That’s it. Karen. Even Mrs. Blight doesn’t discriminate based on that. I mean, she’s in prison for conspiracy to commit genocide, but still. Anyway, if you like, you can come visit when the portal’s open. Maybe see one of my flyer derby games.”

Eddie’s eyes lit up. “Really?! That’s awesome! The Demon Realm…heh. Guess Aunt Florence was right about me going to hell one of these days.” He gave a wink. “Diana, I’m sorry I haven’t been around for you. Letting go of you was harder than I thought.”

“You dumped me, remember?” Diana pointed out. “Pretty sure that makes it not my problem.”

“I was right, though,” Eddie said, somewhat smugly. “Willow loves you and she’s a better fit for you than I was.” He shrugged, looking somewhat philosophical. “My Prince or Princess Charming is still out there somewhere.” Gus decided not to inquire as to what specifically he meant by that; human phrases were bewildering and humans didn’t really understand them either. Besides, he got the gist.

Eddie clapped his hands suddenly. “Anyway, enough moping! I’m gonna take you two to the arcade. It’s gonna be a lot of fun.”

It didn’t take very much persuading at all to let Diana have Eddie take them to the arcade. In fact, the hard part was persuading her that Gus didn’t mind having Eddie infringing on their sibling bonding time. Gus assured her that missing out on one-on-one time was a small price to pay for cheering their friend up. They couldn’t let Eddie cry in an unclean restroom stall. It was undignified.

The arcade turned out to be a neat place filled with games for them to play. Eddie showed them how to play air hockey, which was kind of like air shockey, except the paddles didn’t deliver a miniscule shock whenever they hit the puck. He also showed them how to play mini golf, which Diana pronounced to be the most boring game in the history of existence. And then they played laser tag, which proved to be a very dreadful mistake. Gus wanted it noted for the record that it was definitely Eddie’s fault, as he should have realized that playing a combat-like game would cause Diana’s competitive side to come out.

Long story short, Diana bested all seven of the people on Eddie’s team singlehandedly, and then got them promptly kicked out of the arcade, because apparently, you weren’t supposed to bite people. Or use them as human shields. Or beat them over the head with their own laser gun.

But all things considered, they had fun. Eddie was in a much better mood, Diana was distracted from coming home and spoiling the party, and Gus was having a great time with his sister and his friend, because, honestly, Eddie was just too cool not to be friends with.

“Thanks for this, Gus,” Diana said as they ran away from the arcade while the proprietor shook his fist in the air and threatened grievous bodily harm if they ever returned. “It was nice to get out of my head for a while.”

“I’m just glad I can help, big sis!”

Diana gave a grin at hearing those gender affirming words coming out of Gus’s mouth and Gus couldn’t help but grin back.

*****

Clara was having the best day of her life. No day she’d ever had even came close to competing it. Not the day she made captain of the cheerleading squad, not the day she learned magic was real, not even the day she had her first kiss with Vee. Before this year, Clara had been, at best, ambivalent towards Halloween. But now, it was definitely her favorite holiday, because it allowed Vee to go out in her true form and nobody batted an eye. Clara had spent the whole day with her amazing serpentine girlfriend, and it was absolutely spectacular. Her only problem with Halloween now was that it only happened once a year.

They’d spent the entire day together, and she did mean the entire day. Clara came to Vee’s house at the crack of dawn and the two of them watched the sunrise together in Vee’s backyard. Then the two of them went out for breakfast at a diner. Vee got some odd looks, but they were more along the lines of “wow, your Halloween costume is super weird” instead of “you’re a lizard person and I’m getting the government here right now.” Their waitress said Vee’s costume was the best she’d ever seen.

Vee pronounced waffles to be the Titan’s gift to the multiverse. Clara was more of a pancakes gal herself, but, hey, different strokes for different folks. The two of them just chattered throughout the meal about various topics. Clara didn’t want them to discuss anything particularly heavy.

“Do you think you’ll ever go back to the Demon Realm?” Clara wondered. “Once the portal is open, I mean.”

“Uh, no,” Vee said, sounding as if the answer was obvious. “Well, not permanently. I might go with Luz to visit Eda and the rest of her family there. But, no, there’s no way I’m gonna study at Hexside or live there or anything like that. The Human Realm is my home, full stop.” She leaned forward so that their lips were almost touching. “You’re my home.”

“How did you become so smooth at flirting? You sure as hell didn’t learn it from Luz!”

“I guess I’m just naturally talented,” Vee said with a wink and then gave her a peck on the lips. Just a small one. A taste of things to come, Clara supposed. She really wanted a longer kiss, but she knew Vee was going to wait for that. Half the fun was in the anticipation, after all. 

Clara knew, on some level, it was weird she was attracted to a giant snake creature. She certainly wasn’t attracted to snakes in general. But Vee managed to push her buttons much more effectively as a basilisk than she could do as a human. Not that she couldn’t push her buttons in human form, of course. Vee was a girl of many talents. She’d freaked out about it for…well, quite a while when she first learned of Vee’s true identity. But now, she wasn’t bothered in the slightest. Vee was a sentient being, and she was stupendously beautiful, and that was all Clara needed to know.

Clara was simply giddy these days whenever she looked at her amazing girlfriend, and it didn’t matter what she had on the outside. She was still Vee inside, and that was what Clara had fallen in love with.

After breakfast, Mom drove the two of them to Hartford. She had to pay the price of having Mom tell Vee many embarrassing stories from Clara’s youth, but Vee didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. Mom was still under the impression Vee was wearing a costume and Clara decided not to tell her the truth just yet. Setting aside the fact that she didn’t know how Vee felt about telling Mom, Clara just wasn’t in the mood for that conversation. This was supposed to be a special day, and she wasn’t going to be ruining it with awkwardness.

Mom dropped them off at the Connecticut Science Museum. Visiting there had been Vee’s idea. She wanted to know more about the Human Realm and how it worked. Clara had been there on several occasions in her childhood (she was a real science geek as a kid) and the place hadn’t changed much since then. She was able to show Vee extremely cool things such as the butterfly house, dinosaur animatronics, and an actual moon rock.

All right, so maybe the museum was a little bit of a letdown in Clara’s opinion. She distinctly remembered it being cooler in her youth. Yet Vee loved the place, enthusiastically participating in the various activities, even the ones that were geared towards little kids. Clara had to remind herself sometimes that as mature and responsible as Vee could look, she hadn’t had an actual childhood. Sometimes, Vee took advantage of the opportunities she had missed, and that was okay.

At the museum, too, no one even came close to suspecting that Vee’s basilisk form wasn’t a costume. Well, no one except little kids. Fortunately, they were too young to be believed by adults. Which was a good thing too, because Vee couldn’t bring herself to lie to the kids and happily admitted to being a basilisk from the Demon Realm.

“Hey, Clara, who’s Harry Potter?” Vee asked as the two of them walked to a Subway near the museum. Clara did a doubletake at the sheer randomness of the subject. “It’s just, when I told those kids I was a basilisk, they started talking about how Harry Potter killed one…is he some, like, government agent or something?”

“Uh, no,” Clara said, coughing to give herself time to respond. “No, he’s a fictional character. A wizard. Yeah, the basilisks in those books are based on the mythological basilisks which are…very much not like you. The basilisk in that book was a monster who turned people to stone. You’re nothing of the kind.”

Vee nodded, looking contemplative. “Are there any good basilisks in fiction?”

Clara wracked her brains for an example of a character who fit that description, but she was coming up blank. “Sorry, I can’t think of any. Luz’d probably be able to think of some. Snakes in general get a raw deal in fiction, probably because of the serpent in the Bible.” She gave Vee a reassuring smile. “It doesn’t matter. J. K. Rowling is like, a transphobe among transphobes anyway, so you have a real legit excuse for not wanting to read those books.”

Vee gave a scowl. “Stupid transphobia. I mean, gosh, like it’s anyone’s business what people have between their legs.” Clara nodded. She was in complete agreement. “Gender is confusing enough without people hating you for it. Like, I know I like she/her pronouns more than the others and I’m cool with being called a girl, but I’m not sure I really think of myself as one. As a shapeshifter gender’s…not really that important to me. I can do without it.”

“Good to know,” Clara said sincerely. “If that ever changes, you let me know, okay, sweetheart? I’ll be with you 100%, I promise.”

The two of them went into the restaurant and, once more, all they got were compliments about what a lovely costume Vee had on. Clara wished it could be Halloween every day. If only the world was in a place right now where basilisks like Vee could be accepted. But it wasn’t. It may never be, and Clara was just going to have to accept that. 

There would never come a time when Vee would be able to go on public dates with her in her true form, or go to parent teacher conferences, or be recognized as the biological parent of her and Clara’s child. Wait, where did that come from? Clara could feel her cheeks flushing at the very thought of her having kids with Vee.

“Say, Vee, do you know if you can have kids?” Clara asked casually.

Vee’s eyes went wild and terrified. “I…uh…”

“I just meant that in a general sense,” Clara hastened to clarify. Vee breathed a sigh of relief. “I mean, come on, we’re fifteen here. But, like…if you got me pregnant in a human form, for example, would we have human kids or hybrid?”

Vee shrugged. “I don’t know anything about that. I don’t think anyone else does either. Thank the Titan that wasn’t the sort of thing they were interested in learning about in the Conformatorium.” Clara gave a shudder at the very thought. “I don’t like this topic. Can we talk about something else?”

Clara immediately changed the subject, and the two of them had a very pleasant lunch right up until the doors opened and Father walked in. He looked very out of place in a casual restaurant, especially since he was dressed to the nines as if he was going to have a meal at a luxurious steakhouse. Clara could see the sandwich artist taking out his phone to snap a picture of him, only to find that it wasn’t working. Father was moving as normally as ever, with absolutely no indication to show that he’d recently been shot.

Father sat down across from them in the booth, his face as expressionless as ever. “Bold of you, Vee, to be going out in your true form this way, even with the excuse of Halloween.”

“Did you need something, Father?” Clara said coldly. She wasn’t going to be able to hide her anger with him and she wasn’t even bothering to try either. Let him think she was angry at having her date interrupted.

“Indeed I do,” Father said, and placed two airplane tickets on the table. “One way tickets for you and your mother to Sydney. You will stay there until such time as I deem it to be safe for you to return. If you refuse, I cannot guarantee your safety.”

Something in Clara snapped at the cavalier way her father was threatening her. “Exactly what do you have planned, Father? Or should I call you Sutekh?”

A deep, unearthly growl emerged from Father’s mouth. “You are not worthy to utter that name! None are, but certainly not you!” This was the angriest Clara had ever seen Father. He was gripping tightly onto the table and there was a murderous glint in his eye. “I am obliged to keep you safe, Clara. Spurning this offer would be inadvisable for you.”

“Keep me safe from what?” Clara demanded. “You? Is that what you’re keeping me safe from, Sutekh?”

There was a loud snapping sound as the pieces of the table Father was holding onto broke off in his hands. He looked mildly surprised. “Clara, don’t be immature,” he said in a calmer tone. “A realigning of power is imminent.” Father didn’t even need to bother saying the obvious truth: whatever power would be realigned would be moved in his direction. “Should my plans work at optimal functionality, the number of casualties will be quite limited, but there is a not miniscule chance we could be looking at casualties in seven or even eight digits. Nine on the outside. Definitely no more than that.”

Clara was sick to her stomach. Father was just casually talking about killing millions of people now?! What the hell was even going on here? “Father, you can’t kill so many people…”

“I, in fact, can. I sincerely hope I won’t have to.” He was honest, Clara could tell. He really didn’t want to kill so many people, though he wouldn’t care if he did. “Stay, and there is a nonzero chance you will join them. I must do everything I can to prevent that.”

Clara stood up, grabbed the tickets, and ripped them in half. “Screw you,” she snarled. “I don’t know what you have planned, but whatever it is, I’ll stop you.” Father actually let out a chuckle. “I know the truth about you!” she said in a much louder volume. “I know you had Robert Simmons assassinated! I know you’re not human! I know you were behind the giraffe monsters!”

Father looked at her coolly. “Clara, if you don’t stop talking right now, I’m going to have to kill everyone else in this room aside from you and Vee.”

Clara actually laughed in his face. “There’s a dozen people in here! You think you can kill all of them by your lonesome without questions being asked?”

“Yes,” Father said, and he snapped his fingers and everyone but him, Vee, and Clara abruptly went rigid. He waved a hand and moved them all telekinetically to the center of the room, near their booth. With a single, guttural word in a language Clara didn’t recognize – probably ancient Egyptian – and the sharp movement of his hand, their skin started desiccating. Their faces became thinner, their exposed skin started drying up. Before Clara’s very eyes, they started turning into mummies. They were dead, hopefully, before they turned to dust and were blown away.

A dozen people. Dead. Right in front of Clara. And all because she was dumb enough to provoke a malevolent god. 

“No doubt the disappearances will eventually be noticed,” Father said, as calm and blasé as he usually was. “But it isn’t as if there is anything that can connect them to me. And soon enough, this town will have quite a lot more to deal with.” He looked her straight in the eyes. “And so will your friends.”

*****

Diana was not stupid. Had she had blind spots bigger than the Titan himself in the past? Oh, most definitely. But even then, she’d never been stupid, just naïve. She could practically smell some harebrained scheme from Luz being involved in the brother-sister bonding day she’d had with Gus. Not that she hadn’t enjoyed it. It was nice to be spending time with just Gus and later Eddie, and it was nice that the latter two were getting along well. With a house full of girls, Gus should be able to have a guy friend to confide in.

Still, it wasn’t a surprise at all when she walked into the house late in the afternoon to be met with a chorus of yells calling out “SURPRISE!” As unsurprising as it was, though, it still warmed Diana’s heart to see the huge party they’d set up for her. They’d made cake, hanged up streamers, put up a big sign that said “DIANA APPRECIATION DAY!!!” And they’d done it all to cheer her up, because they cared about her.

“Diana, welcome to the first – but not the last – annual Diana Appreciation Day!” Luz said. “A day to celebrate our favorite good and hopefully no longer sad girl! To thank you for being in our lives. I know I want to thank you for being in mine.”

“This is…this is the nicest thing anyone’s done for me!” Diana said, wiping a tear from her eyes. “You…you made a special party for me? Just because you saw I was feeling bad?”

Camila gave her a warm smile. “Certainly, cariño. We all care about you a great deal.”

“Even you?” Diana asked Amity.

Amity let out a long-suffering sigh and nodded. “I suppose…I suppose I wouldn’t object too loudly if you wanted to call me your friend.”

Diana was in front of Amity and hugging her without seeming to have made much of a decision to do so. “Thank you so much,” she whispered. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”

“Yeah…I think I do,” Amity said. “Anyway, if Willow and Luz like you, you can’t be too bad, right?” Gus pouted at being left out of her statement. “But I got to warn you, I will get an abomination to rip your head off if you hurt Willow in any way.”

Diana couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “You clearly don’t know Willow as well as you think you do if you think you’ll be the person I’m scared of if that happens.” Amity’s face twitched a little in annoyance.

She turned to face Camila. “Camila, I feel so guilty about accepting this party when I denied you an opportunity to adopt me.” Camila looked surprised to hear those words. “It’s not because of you. Honestly – and please don’t take this the wrong way, Gus – I’d rather have you raise me than Mr. Porter. But I don’t want to live in the Human Realm, because it’s where he came from.”

Camila put a hand on Diana’s shoulder. “Diana, I understand completely. But I want you to know, you will always have a place in my household, whether I raise you or not. Now let’s get our partying on!”

Diana had not heretofore considered herself much of a party person. Her last two experiences with partying, after all, had gotten her taken hostage and hit over the head with a sandal respectively. She had gone to parties before in the Demon Realm as well, back when she was the Golden Guard, and not enjoyed them at all. She wasn’t even allowed to take off her mask on the dance floor, and the parties had been very rigid and formal. Not fun in the slightest.

But this party was different, because it was her family giving the party to her. And they weren’t doing it to honor some ridiculous made up holiday of Belos or because they wanted to make social connections. They were doing it because they all, every last one of them, even Amity, loved and cared about Diana.

Together, they played games, listened to music, and people even willingly subjected themselves to Diana’s infodumps about the Battle of Lexington. And throughout the whole celebration, they gave her words of encouragement, words meant to affirm her gender, words meant to uplift her. It was amazing how good it felt to hear those words. Even when Belos had offered her praise in the past, it was all about the things she did for him.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Amity said softly as the party was winding down. “Dysphoria is a bitch, I've heard."

"Thanks, Amity," Diana said. "It's easier when I have good friends like you to remind me of who I really am."

“All right, let’s have everyone get your costumes on!” Camila called out. “And remember not to eat too much candy. I don’t know what it’s going to do to your systems. And that goes for you too, Luz – I know exactly what it does to your system.” Luz pouted.

Diana took a deep breath. It was the moment of truth. She went into the bathroom and changed into her Wonder Woman costume. And then she looked into the mirror.

She looked like a superhero.

There was no better word to describe it. She was strong and muscular and she looked absolutely amazing. She looked like a true Amazon. Diana loved the girl she was seeing in the mirror. She loved herself. She was a true and worthy successor to Diana Prince. She didn’t even know why she had felt so nervous in the first place. Of course she wasn’t a man. She never had been.

She spent so much time admiring herself that by the time she had emerged from the bathroom, her family as well as Clara had all gathered in the living room, dressed in their own costumes. Diana could feel her ears burning just looking at the gorgeous costume Willow was in. Clara was dressed as fictional crimefighting cheerleader Kim Possible. It was a good look on her. Vee definitely agreed, because she couldn’t keep her eyes off her.

“Uh, what do you all think?” Diana said in reference to her costume, giving an experimental twirl. “Be brutally honest. I need to know the truth. Is it…me?”

Amity put her hand on her chin, looking contemplative, studying the outfit with a critical eye. “Brutally honest, you say?” she mused. Diana clenched her fists in anticipation of the coming blows. “Well, then, I have to tell you that red is not your color.”

I could have told you that, Flapjack snarked. Leave the wearing red to me. I’ve got way more experience at it.

“And it’s way too gaudy for my taste,” Amity went on. “But hey, no one’s tastes are the same, right?” 

“So it’s not…I’m not too masculine to wear it?”

“Don’t be absurd,” Amity said dismissively, then let out an oof as Diana practically pounced on her with a hug. “Yeah…don’t mention it. Please.”

Camila took pictures of everyone. Luz protested, but only perfunctorily. She was secretly overjoyed to have pictures of her friends trick or treating with her, to have friends trick or treating with her. She particularly focused on getting lots of pictures of Diana, specifically, Diana knew, to make her think she looked good enough to be photographed so many times. It was a little bit of an act of manipulation, but this time it was for her own good, so she let it slide.

With Eddie joining the trick or treating, they naturally paired off into the three groups of girlfriends plus Gus and Eddie. Diana was pretty sure she was going to rock this trick or treating stuff. She had threatened Amity’s parents and all sorts of people way above her weight class in the past, so how hard would it be to threaten these normal families?

Willow rang the doorbell of Luz’s neighbors. “Your treats now,” Diana snarled. “Give them to me and we won’t have a problem. Otherwise, I’ll lay waste to everyone and everything you’ve ever loved.”

“SHE’S JOKING!” Willow shouted in a high pitched tone. “She was just dared to say that! Please don’t call the police, please, please. One second.” She led Diana away. Diana was bewildered. She didn’t understand what she had done wrong. Maybe she wasn’t being graphic enough in her threats?

Willow took a deep breath. “Diana. You can’t just threaten people like that.”

Diana blinked. “Oh, I’m sorry. How should I be threatening them, then?”

“You shouldn’t be threatening them at all!” Willow snapped. She forced herself to calm down. “Look, Diana, you are dressed up as Wonder Woman. When you’re dressed up as Wonder Woman, you represent Wonder Woman. Would Wonder Woman threaten an innocent family?”

“Never!” Diana said ardently. “She’d die first. Oh. Oh. Okay, I get it now. So…I should try to persuade them in a manner befitting my chosen costume, right?”

“Sure, I guess that works.”

Diana returned to the door and gave her most charming smile to the family inside the house. “My humblest of apologies. My temper got the better of me. I beseech you, noble dwellers of this demesne, to please spare us some delicious treats in honor of this holiday. My noble lady here has a sugar craving most desperate and I, as her girlfriend, am charged with satisfying that craving. Please, may we have some candy?”

“Will you go away if we give you some?” the man of the house asked, sounding nervous. Diana nodded. The man immediately put quite a bit of candy into her bowl.

His wife cleared her throat. “You know…I like your costume. You have the legs to pull it off.” The man glared at her and slammed the door in Diana’s face. Diana was practically walking on air for the remainder of the trick or treating. A total stranger had complimented her costume. Not someone who was obliged to say it because they were family or friends, but a total, random stranger! She was feeling more like herself than she ever had.

When she returned home, flush with candy, Flapjack flew at her direction at top speed and started flying around her head, looking more excited than she’d ever seen him. IT’S HAPPENING! IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING!

“What’s happening, Flapjack?” Diana asked. She had no idea what he could be referring to.

Camila stepped forward, a huge smile on her face. “What’s happening, Diana, is that I just had a long conversation with Dr. Stanford Pines, the world’s leading expert on interdimensional portals. And he’s about to build one to the Demon Realm. And if it works, you’ll be home by the end of tomorrow.”

Wow. Home. Now there was a thought. She’d be able to go to Hexside, go on dates with Willow with their real ears showing, play more flyer derby, hang out with Viney and Skara. Live with Mr. Porter as his daughter. It was a terrifying prospect in one sense, but she was definitely looking forward to it in another.

“Thank you, Camila,” Diana said, struggling and failing to keep her voice even. “Thank you so much for taking us in, spending all these resources on us. I know what you’ll say, you’ll say it was nothing, but so many humans wouldn’t have bothered. You shouldn’t underestimate what a good person you are.”

“You’re not so bad a person yourself, Diana Porter,” Camila said, and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

*****

Blood dripped onto the hotel room’s carpet. Ford Pines couldn’t take his eyes off of it. It was mesmerizing. Perhaps the reason for that was that if he did, he’d have to face the person who had shed it. Or rather, whatever was inhabiting the body of the person who had shed it, because while he still wasn’t clear what was going on, it wasn’t Wendy Corduroy who had cavalierly rammed a knife into her own husband's arm.

Stan and Ford had arrived in Gravesfield on the red eye that morning. Mabel and Dipper and their wives had been most adamant that he needed to get there as soon as possible and help construct a portal to a universe called the Demon Realm. Ford had been there on his interdimensional wanderings, and he had no idea why anyone would want to visit there. It wasn’t nearly as bad as some of the places he’d been to, but it was still ruled, to the best of his knowledge, by a tyrant with abysmal fashion sense. But presumably his great-niblings had their reasons.

But as soon as they met up with their family, Stan could tell that something was amiss. A couple of carefully leading questions later, and Stan figured out that something was impersonating his family. Ford believed him at once. Stan’s truly horrendous luck with romantic relationships aside, his knowledge of interpersonal matters was unquestionably superior to Ford’s and he trusted him implicitly when it came to such things. Stan had been bent on destroying the imposters, but Ford had pointed out that they may be possessed, not impersonated.

So the two of them lured the imposters into a trap, a foolproof ritual circle that should have managed to trap anything short of a chaos god like Bill Cipher. Yet the imposters had just stepped out of it like it was nothing. And then Imposter Wendy had casually put a knife to her own throat and threatened to slice it open unless Ford called Mrs. Noceda and told her the portal was going to be ready soon.

When Ford had hesitated for a bit during the call, trying to figure out some way to let Mrs. Noceda know it was a trap, Imposter Wendy had calmly put the knife through Dipper’s lower arm without even changing the expression on her face. After that, Ford had caved entirely.

“You’re not going to get away with this,” Ford vowed. “You’re strong, but I know my niece and nephew. They’re stronger. They’ll break free!”

“Oh, they can try,” Imposter Pacifica drawled. “But I don’t think they’ll like the consequences if they do.” She stroked his face with a mockery of affection. “Now are you going to be a good boy or am I going to have to hurt your brother before you’ll cooperate?”

Ford shivered. Those words were wrong…well, in any context, but especially coming out of Pacifica’s mouth. “I’ll cooperate. You don’t have to hurt him.”

“That a boy!” Imposter Wendy said, her voice dripping with condescension. “Now lights out, Grunkle Ford!” She punched Ford in the face with more strength than even the mighty Wendy had ever been capable of and everything went black.

Chapter Text

Lionel MacKinnon was a man living in his own personal hell. He had once been a kind young man with big dreams. He wanted to become rich and powerful, but not just for his sake. Growing up, his parents had struggled to keep food on the table, and many times, they’d had to make sacrifices so he could have the best future available to him. He wanted to repay the favor, wanted to make it so they would want for nothing. It was the least he could do for them.

What he did not want was to fight and die in a war happening half a world away from him, a war that had nothing to do with him. Why was it his business what people in Vietnam did? But, no, the damn government decided that young men – barely even adults! – had to fight in some godforsaken jungle. Not Lionel. He wasn’t going to throw his life away.

So when a swirling, amorphous blob of ooze came to visit him in his dreams and offered him everything he’d ever wanted, he said yes. In Lionel’s defense, he genuinely thought he was just dreaming at the time, that it wasn’t real. If he’d been awake, he never would have taken the deal. But he figured he had nothing to lose by agreeing to a deal that was only a figment of his imagination. Lionel considered himself a good person. He was not the type to make deals with the devil in real life.

Even in the dream, though, Lionel had found Sutekh’s promise to be suspect. Lionel was a smart man. Even if he hadn’t taken Sutekh’s deal, he was pretty sure he could have become a millionaire at the very least using just his wits. Sutekh was offering fame and power and he hadn’t mentioned a cost. Lionel had recently read a short story where a person was offered a large sum of money at the cost of the death of someone she didn’t know – only for the person’s husband to be the death in question, since she didn’t really know him. He wasn’t about to let something like that happen to him. So he bargained for the protection of his family as well.

This proved to be a rather smart move on his part, because the moment he agreed to the deal, he found himself a prisoner in his own head. Sutekh had possessed him. The evil giraffe god was able to kill and torture to his heart’s content using Lionel’s body, but he was completely unable to harm Lionel’s family in word or deed, even indirectly, or he would risk the deal being nullified. For the next fifty years, Lionel watched as Sutekh built a business empire and killed just about anyone standing in his path.

He was not entirely helpless, however. Sutekh may have been a megalomaniac, but he was also able to listen to reason. Lionel had been able to mitigate the damage Sutekh had done over the years, using pragmatic arguments to persuade him to take a less risky approach than mass slaughter. Certainly he hadn’t been able to save everyone Sutekh wanted to kill, but Lionel’s arguments had probably saved hundreds, if not thousands of lives. Sutekh really liked killing. In all honesty, without Lionel’s rationality, Sutekh probably would have been caught decades prior and thrown in prison. Lionel didn’t want that. He was already a prisoner inside his head; he didn’t want to be one outside of it too.

For the first few years of his possession, Lionel had been frantically trying a way to escape from Sutekh’s clutches, but as time went on, he developed a more sanguine attitude. He had gotten what he wanted out of the deal, after all – the prosperity and safety of his family and not having to go to Vietnam. And he got to live in the lap of luxury. He was relatively content with his life. Certainly, a lot of people had worse ones. And then he got cancer and everything changed.

Thankfully, the cancer turned out to be operable, but it had still rattled Sutekh. Sutekh’s solution was to sire an heir. Thank goodness Sutekh opted to do it through artificial insemination, because the alternative would have been frightfully awkward, and that was a huge understatement. When Clara was born, Lionel instantly loved her, like someone had flipped a switch inside his brain. His daughter was a marvel and Lionel loved her with all his heart.

Sutekh, on the other hand, despised her. He was completely unable to possess her, and because, biologically speaking, she was Lionel’s daughter, nor could he harm her in any way. Clara was a limit, and more than anything in the entire multiverse, Sutekh despised limits placed upon himself. He’d been obsessed with studying the occult so he could find a way to get back to the Demon Realm and slay the last of the Titans, since he was blocked from returning via the portal in the abandoned house.

As the years went on, Lionel used every ounce of his cunning in order to not only keep Clara safe, but also happy and prosperous. He’d persuaded Sutekh that his mandate to protect Clara didn’t just apply to keeping her healthy physically, but also emotionally. Through reasoned arguments, Lionel persuaded Sutekh to divorce poor Lisa, who had no idea she’d married an evil god, to support Clara when she came out, to give her as much affection as possible. Which, given Sutekh’s dire hatred of her, wasn’t very much, but Lionel would take what he could get. Lionel’s never ending love for Clara and Sutekh’s never ending hate ended up balancing out in the end as a sort of benign indifference.

And for quite some time, Lionel had been content to leave it that way. Clara would not end up like him. She would live her life free, happy, and good, and that was more than enough for Lionel. When he died of natural causes, Sutekh would find another host and Clara would inherit MacKinnon Pharmaceuticals. She’d become a true force for good in the world and make up for the manifold sins Sutekh had used Lionel’s body to commit.

And then something must have happened in the Demon Realm, because for a few minutes, Sutekh could finally sense the last of the Titans, something that he’d been unable to do for as long as Sutekh had been in Lionel’s body. Sutekh rushed over to the portal, but he was too late; by the time he arrived, it had collapsed in on itself. But now Sutekh knew that the last of the Titans was alive. If they were slain, then Sutekh could return to his true form, and it would spell doom for the multiverse.

It had been a long time since Lionel had been so frustrated at his prisoner status as he was now. Sutekh had been running rings around his opponents and they barely even noticed. He’d gotten his fellow giraffes back in action. Even Lionel’s suggestion to have Mrs. Noceda kill Simmons, thus alienating her towards Sutekh hadn’t mattered in the end, because she now trusted the people the other giraffes were impersonating implicitly.

Lionel had to face it. He was probably going to lose. Humanity was probably going to lose. But that wasn’t what bothered him. No, what bothered him – the reason he was in his personal hell – was that the minute Sutekh was returned to his former glory, he wouldn’t be restricted by his contract with Lionel, and thus he would kill Clara in the most horrible ways possible, but not before subjecting her to torture and degradations scarcely imaginable. To fail Clara, to have his daughter die because of him…well, being trapped inside his head barely compared to the horror of that fate.

Lost down memory lane in there, my host? Sutekh sneered at Lionel. You should rejoice. Your freedom is at hand.

I don’t care about my freedom, my lord. Sutekh responded very well to flattery, Lionel had learned over the years. The giraffe had an ego the size of Nebraska. I only care about the welfare and safety of my daughter. Please spare her. Please!

I gave her an opportunity to be spared. She denied it. Lionel envisioned himself rolling his eyes. Sutekh had deliberately provoked Clara so she wouldn’t accept the deal, allowing him to get what he wanted while still not technically violating the letter of their contract. Worry not. I will kill you before I kill her. Consider it a reward for being such a generous host.

Sutekh stepped into the dusty, hardly used ballroom of his mansion. His children, still possessing the bodies of the Pines family, were waiting for him. And in the center of the room was the nuclear bomb they’d dredged up off the coast of Georgia. It looked…rather unimpressive, especially compared to the weapons of the modern age. But Lionel knew it still had a great deal of power to it, enough to wipe Gravesfield off the map.

That was not Sutekh’s intention, though. The Pines twins had provided him knowledge of a barrier spell of almost unimaginable power. It had once been cast upon the town of Gravity Falls to keep its “weirdness” from infecting the rest of the world, and was so powerful it had stopped a chaos god exponentially more powerful than Sutekh from wreaking havoc upon the world. Sutekh was about to test it.

It turned out to be a rather simple ritual, though Lionel did understand that part of the reason for its simplicity was that Sutekh was just casting it around the bomb for the moment, to test just how powerful the barrier spell was for himself. More importantly, Sutekh didn’t want what was happening inside the spell to be detectable in the slightest outside the spell. A nuclear bomb would simulate some, though not anywhere close to all, of the energies that would soon be enveloping Gravesfield. Sutekh was not invincible right now. He was very difficult to kill; it was probably beyond the means of law enforcement to accomplish. But the military could probably pull it off if they tried hard enough.

“We stand at the threshold of a glorious new era,” Sutekh announced. “Mankind is about to ascend into a time of greatness under our enlightened leadership. Look at what they have done under their own guidance. Hatred and xenophobia runs rampant. They look down on each other because of skin color and sexuality – what is even up with that? The planet warms by the day and the humans do nothing but sit around and twiddle their thumbs! No, they have had their chance to rule, and they have failed. It is now our turn.”

Lionel tuned out the rest of the speech. He had, after all, been present when Sutekh had thought it up in the first place. The lord of the giraffes really liked hearing the sound of his own voice. Lionel wished this was the most grandiose speech he’d ever had to be subjected to, but alas, it was not.

When all the vainglorious ranting was stripped away, here was the gist of the monologue: Sutekh would trick Noceda and her friends into bringing the last of the Titans into the Human Realm to be killed. The battle could be rather spectacular, which was why the barrier spell would be cast over Gravesfield to prevent the government from learning about it. Once Sutekh and his children were at full power, they would go to Washington DC, slaughter everyone of importance in the government, openly take over the country, and get their hands on their nuclear arsenal. He’d expand the barrier spell over the whole United States, nuke the rest of the world, and then absorb all the life energies of the dead to expand his power exponentially and, in theory, turn the world into a paradise. Lionel was pretty sure it would only be a paradise for Sutekh.

Lionel tried his best to figure out a way to sabotage the plan, but damn it, it looked really solid. The only two areas where the plan could fail, by his estimation, was the actual fight against the Titan, who could possibly win and kill Sutekh, and possibly the people of the United States refusing to accept Sutekh as their new leader and fighting him. But Lionel didn’t exactly hold up much hope for that last one.

“…crowning me – I mean, us – with glory forever and ever!” Sutekh finished. “Now let the fun begin!”

Without further ado, Sutekh activated the bomb. There was a flash of light brighter than anything Lionel had conceived of before in the circle. Everything went dark as his eye burst. But a few seconds later, Sutekh healed himself and pulled a Geiger counter out of his pocket. He tossed it into the circle and it started beeping incessantly before exploding. A second Geiger counter showed there was no radiation outside the circle.

“Well, I think we know the barrier spell works now,” Sutekh announced. “We all have our roles to play. The pax giraffica nears, and there is nothing our enemies can do to stop us.”

And the worst part was Lionel was pretty sure he was right.

*****

Anubis was not a happy giraffe. It was bad enough awakening from tens of thousands of years of hibernation to find out that Earth now belonged to an inferior species of jumped up monkeys, that no one at all worshipped them or thought of them as anything but harmless animals, and that for some reason, people thought he had a dog’s head. But now in order to restore himself to his former glory, he had to pretend to be Dipper Pines, parapsychologist extraordinaire, and endure Luz Noceda.

Luz annoyed the hell out of him. He yearned to reach into her chest, pull out her intestines, and use them to strangle Luz’s girlfriend, then paralyze her and bury her alive. Of course, this wasn’t going to happen for two reasons. First of all, she’d die of blood loss probably not too long after Amity was strangled. But secondly and more relevantly, Anubis needed her alive because she was the only one of them that could lure the last of the Titans – the unoriginally named King – to his doom. Luz had chattered away about just about every topic she could think of, but she’d also given a lot of useful information about the Demon Realm, including her adopted sibling relationship with King. He would gladly go with her, alone, towards his death and suspect nothing.

Nonetheless, despite the necessity of keeping up his disguise, it was wearing on Anubis’s nerves, and he’d never been particularly noted for his patience. That was why he’d volunteered to set things up for showtime. Sutekh was very paranoid about being stopped at the moment of his ultimate triumph, which was why his children were currently executing a variety of contingency plans, as well as people standing in the way of said contingency plans.

“Are you sure this isn’t, you know, illegal?” Luz asked nervously. It had amused Anubis to have her accompany him on this errand. She had absolutely no idea she was inadvertently contributing to the downfall of her civilization and the inevitable rise of the Camelopardine Empire. The idiot, in fact, would likely never realize it on her own, though, of course, Anubis would take great pleasure in informing her the truth before he killed her. It was going to be really gory, he decided. Her voice grated on his ears, and that could not be allowed.

Anubis was a master actor, though, so he gave absolutely no indication that he was annoyed in the slightest. He just gave Luz a confident smile as they walked through city hall. “I notice that didn’t stop you when you needed fake IDs from Grunkle Stan,” Anubis reminded her. “Trust me, Luz, this is absolutely necessary if the portal is going to successfully bring you back to the Demon Realm. You’ll thank me later.” All quite true: it was necessary for the giraffes and Anubis would make Luz thank him later.

Anubis led her to the council chambers and started drawing the ritual circle. In reality, the ritual circle was just a prop. He was going to be using his own power for what he was about to accomplish, but Dipper Pines wasn’t supposed to have any power at all. Luz spent the next ten minutes as Anubis meticulously drew the circle and the various runes asking all sorts of questions about the ritual and how it worked. Anubis answered the questions as patiently as possible, lying every single time, but some of his irritation must have slipped through, if only minutely, because Luz finally shut up after a while.

After the circle was created, Anubis sliced Dipper’s hand open and “activated” the ritual. Luz had been told the ritual was to protect the city government from occult influences, but it actually had the exact opposite purpose. Everyone who the city government had jurisdiction over would fall under the control of Anubis when the time came. It was unclear exactly how far this would extend. At best, it would allow Anubis to have control over the entirety of the people who saw themselves as being subject to the laws of the municipality, namely pretty much everyone. At worst, it would only apply to those directly employed by the government. But since that included the entire police department, it would give the giraffes a very large advantage.

Of course, the ritual wasn’t perfect. Particularly strong willed individuals might be able to regain control of their will, though that was very unlikely. However, it was probable that there would be more people with just enough willpower to have the ritual leave them in a stupor. And the ritual wouldn’t work on people whose brains were still developing, but, honestly, what harm could the kids of Gravesfield accomplish? The idea of a child against a giraffe was laughable. What children would have the courage to fight him? None, obviously.

Luz tagged along for the rest of the afternoon’s errands as well. She unknowingly participated in her own doom. They cast a ritual over the power network that would shut down all electrical devices when Anubis gave the command. They sure as hell couldn’t have word leaking out before the time came. Assassinating Simmons hadn’t just been done for fun (though that had been a major factor). It had also allowed Sutekh to place his own minion as his successor and through him, gain information on precisely how to magically target the power network (as well as providing a scapegoat in case the barrier spell failed and people noticed the outages.)

And more importantly, the two of them placed the nodes to activate the barrier spell in a circle around town, and Luz fell for Anubis’s lies hook, line, and sinker. The girl was painfully naïve. All he had to do was throw her some compliments and she would eat out of Anubis’s hand. Heck, she’d probably even do that literally if he asked.

“You’ve done such a good job, Luz,” Anubis assured her as he drove her back to her house. “Thanks to you, MacKinnon’s plans are sure to be thwarted.”

“Aw, thanks,” Luz said with a blush that she looked embarrassed by. “Don’t tell Amity I said this, but I kind of had a major crush on you back in the day. Like, I used to doodle your name in hearts on my notebooks. It’s kind of really embarrassing thinking of it.”

“I’m really not sure how to respond to that,” Anubis said, for once being honest. If Luz was coming onto him, then there weren’t enough words for how little he wanted that. He may be looking forward to breaking her in a wide variety of ways, but that wasn’t one of them.

Luz coughed. “Uh, sorry, I realize how that sounds. I’m just saying, you’ve always been a major inspiration to me, that’s all. And, uh, working alongside you has been a dream come true.” She put her head in her hands. “I really should shut up now.”

“You kind of should,” Anubis agreed. “Don’t worry. I guarantee, whatever feelings you may still have for me, you won’t have them for much longer.”

Luz narrowed her eyes. “That’s a weird thing to say…” Anubis mentally berated himself. As much as he found Luz to be annoying and naïve in the extreme, she wasn’t actually stupid. She was, in a sense, much more intelligent than his host, because it was based around creativity and not believing in the limits of the possible.

“Maybe I didn’t say it quite right,” Anubis said with an apologetic smile. “I just meant, as we grow up, we mature and we let go of our pasts. It was a normal thing for a girl of your age to do, and I’m honestly a bit flattered. But you understand that it will never, ever happen, right?” Luz nodded fervently. “Good. Now I don’t want things to be awkward between us, okay? So are we good?”

“Yeah, we’re good,” Luz assured her. “Thanks for bearing with me. I know I can be a lot.”

If you know that, Anubis wondered, then why are you still that? Still, she’d be dead soon enough, so he just shrugged. “You’d have to be a lot more than you are to beat Mabel.”

Luz laughed. “I don’t think I could aspire that high!” 

Anubis dropped Luz off at her home and then went for his final errand of the afternoon. As much as he really wanted Luz to have witnessed it – it would have been preposterously amusing – it would have blown his cover instantaneously. She’d witness the fruits of it soon enough, and Anubis really hoped he’d be there to see the look on her face.

He drove the car over to the cemetery. One thing mythology had gotten right was his connection with the dead. Anubis’s magic was very good at working with dead bodies. Modern media seemed to have a particular fixation on the undead, and Anubis was a showman when all was said and done. A zombie horde would be quite a potent distraction to say the least. Between his zombies, the police, and the giraffes themselves, King would be toast.

But there was one corpse that Anubis was particularly interested in. He parked his car and walked over to the grave of Antonio Noceda. If there was one thing Anubis had learned from all of Luz’s ramblings, it was that the loss of her father practically defined her. It had made her into the person she was today. Seeing him “alive” would break her.

Of course, Antonio wouldn’t actually be alive. Right now, Anubis wasn’t powerful enough to bring back the dead. He would be when King was slain. But he could imbue Antonio’s corpse with magic that would simulate a soul. A pale imitation of one, but it was doubtful Luz would be able to tell that in the midst of her fear.

Anubis waved a hand and Antonio’s corpse flew out of the ground and landed in a crumpled heap before him. It was nothing more than a skeleton now. Anubis channeled magic into the corpse and flesh wrapped itself around the bones once more. It was really nothing more than a golem when all was said and done – it would never fool anyone into thinking it was actually alive. But it was sufficient for his purposes.

“Tell me, ‘Antonio,’” Anubis said, as he finished channeling the magic and making the golem. “What do you think of your daughter Luz?”

“I hate her,” Fake Antonio said instantly and with a surprising amount of venom. “Stupid ungrateful brat. She should have been born normal and her very existence is a punishment to me and her poor, saintly mother.”

Anubis smirked. This was going to be so much fun. Try to subject him to rants about the Good Witch Azura, whatever that was. Vengeance was about to be his and that would make him a very happy giraffe indeed.

*****

Luz had tried her best to keep her composure all day, but she’d failed miserably. She was going back to the Boiling Isles! She’d see Mom! Er, Eda. And King! And Aunt Lilith! And Raine! (She made a mental note to give them a shovel talk when she saw them. Whatever the reason their relationship had failed the first time, Luz wasn’t going to let it happen a second time.) Her friends were going back home and they’d be with their families again! Mami would get to see the Isles for herself, and she’d understand just why it was so important to Luz.

And the best part of the day? She didn’t have to go to school! Luz was as surprised as anyone when her entreaties to have the day off had actually worked on Mami. Luz had argued that her sheer excitement at returning meant that there was no way she would be able to focus on her classes for a single instant. And Mami had agreed! (With the stern warning that this argument would only work on her once.) So she’d been spending the day with her idol Dipper, running errands with him and, in one of the most mortifying moments of her life, blurting out her one-time crush on him. When she got back, she was going straight for the memory tweezers and removing that memory from her mind.

After getting home, she’d talked to all her friends one by one, reminding them of the deal she’d made with Mami. They’d see each other on a regular basis, but not constantly. Luz wasn’t going to push her luck trying for a better one. Nor would she sneak out to the Isles. Mami had given her a second chance to gain her trust, and after betraying it so egregiously the first time, Luz wasn’t going to jeopardize it for anything.

“I’m glad things are better for you now here, Luz,” Amity said with a wistful smile as Luz finished explaining this to her. “When you used to talk about your life here, not that you did very often, you sounded so miserable. And then in the tunnel of love…when you said you were afraid of being made fun of again…”

Luz winced at the memory of how she’d acted there. She’d nearly ended her relationship with Amity before it began. “Can we not talk about the tunnel of love? The things I said, they were so cheesy and dumb…”

“They weren’t dumb!” Amity shouted at a surprisingly loud volume. Then she cleared her throat and in a quieter tone, she said, “Luz, they weren’t dumb. When you said I was smart and cool and classy, I…I really liked it.” Luz blinked. How was that even possible? “Do you realize no one’s had ever said anything like that to me? No one. Not my siblings, not my so-called friends, certainly not my parents. And then when you ripped everything up, I thought…oh, of course. Silly me. It was just all a mistake. And it hurt, Luz. It hurt to think…” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. It all worked out.”

Luz was pretty sure it did matter, though. It sounded like it mattered to Amity. “I didn’t realize I hurt you like that. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Amity assured her. “It was just a misunderstanding. But I’m glad we’re talking about it. I know you have problems letting people in, Luz. Because you’ve been hurt when you do. But, I’m…I’m really grateful you let me in. I’m honored, really.”

Luz felt really awkward all of a sudden and a bit annoyed as well. She didn’t want all these big feeling talks spoiling what was no doubt going to be the best day of her life. There would be plenty of time to talk this stuff over at a later date. Hopefully with a therapist if the Boiling Isles even had them. There was probably a wait list a mile wide if they did, though.

She needed to change the subject, and she fortunately had the perfect subject available to her. “So, Amity, I recently found out something you’re just gonna be through the roof – er, really excited about.” Amity nodded encouragingly. “My dad actually illustrated the first Good Witch Azura book!” She sighed. “I guess I repressed those memories? It sounds kind of lame when I say it like that, but I swear I wasn’t hiding it from you on purpose…”

She trailed off when she saw the look on Amity’s face. It was a complex one, filled with annoyance, discomfort, and maybe even a little bit of guilt. “Amity…? I promise you I wasn’t keeping it from you on purpose. I’ll swear it on my dad’s grave if you want.”

Amity sighed. “Now? Do we really have to do this now? Today, of all days?” She looked down at the floor. “This is my punishment, isn’t it? I never should have smashed my god’s son’s cupcake…”

“I don’t understand.”

Amity left the room for a few seconds and then returned with a vial of clear liquid. It was a potion bottle, Luz realized. Why was Amity carrying around that potion? “Luz, just drink this and you’ll understand. Just don’t blame me, okay? I was only doing what you wanted.”

Well, that was a mysterious turn of phrase if she ever heard one. But Luz absolutely loved mysteries and she trusted her girlfriend implicitly, so she immediately downed the vial, and, as she suspected, she was suddenly swept into a memory.

It was just after she’d returned home from the Bonesborough Brawl, and Luz was drowning. Metaphorically drowning, but there was barely even any difference between the two with how intense her feelings of grief were bearing down upon her. She hadn’t been there to leave flowers at her dad’s grave. He was in heaven right now, thinking what a disobedient and disappointing daughter she’d been.

Papi would be so disappointed with her in general. Acting out in school, lying to Mami, getting tricked by Philip, letting Mami think she’d abandoned her on purpose, the list went on and on. Papi was a great man, and what was Luz? A screwup. A failure. A disgrace on every single front. She’d nearly wrecked her relationship with the best girl in any universe because she couldn’t be honest with her. Luz hadn’t been able to be honest with anyone, least of all herself. The weight of the disappointment Papi must be feeling pressed upon Luz like it was a physical thing. Like it was crushing her.

So Luz made a beeline for the stash of apple blood Eda thought Luz didn’t know about. And not the children’s variety. The hard stuff. People drank to forget, didn’t they? Luz just wanted to forget now. Forget about being trapped between two worlds, unable to lead a happy life in either. Forget about that promise that hung over her head like it was the sword of Damocles.

When you come home, you’ll stay with me, and you’ll never go back to that place.

Never.

Go.

Back.

She would never go back. She’d never see Eda again. She’d lose her second mother. She’d lose another parent. It had nearly broken her to lose one. A second one? Luz didn’t know how she could possibly take it. What would be left of her if she lost Eda? If she returned home with nothing but a basilisk who had stolen her life as proof she’d ever been in the land of her dreams?

In Luz’s defense, the idea she came up with next was not something she would have ever come up with while sober. As suspect as her planning skills were, even sober Luz would have known better. But with a few cups of apple blood in her – Luz was a real lightweight when it came to demonic liquor as it turned out – it sounded like the most brilliant idea in the history of existence.

Luz had wanted to forget, so she’d been drinking. But there were more permanent ways of forgetting in the Boiling Isles! All she need to do was find a pair of memory tweezers and she’d be able to forget she ever had a father in the first place! And that way, Papi’s death wouldn’t hurt anymore, because she wouldn’t remember it.

“Hey, Hooty,” Luz said, somehow managing to make it into the living room without losing her balance too much. The room was spinning. “Wanna play a game?”

“Oh, boy, do I?!”

“The game is called Find Eda’s Memory Tweezers.” Luz nodded sagely. At the moment, her drunken mind decided this was the most brilliant, inventive, creative name she’d ever come up with. “Yeah. And whoever finds them first wins!”

Hooty eagerly started tearing things up in an effort to find the memory tweezers. By some stroke of luck, he managed to find them underneath the floorboards. Luz held them in her hand, her mind afire with the possibilities they entailed.

“What the hell is all this racket?” Eda asked, stamping into the living with an irritated look on her face. Then her look turned to horror when she saw the memory tweezers in Luz’s hands. “Put that down now, sweetie,” she said gingerly. “That’s not safe for you.”

Luz waved them around. “You can’t stop me!” she said in a sing song voice. “No, no, I figured it out. If I use this, I can forget my dad!” Eda looked incredibly alarmed. “Uh-huh! And it won’t hurt anymore. I won’t have to feel all…this…” She gestured ineffectively to cover all the unfathomable pain Papi’s death was still causing her even today. “But! But, wait, there’s more!” Luz added in a tone of voice that sounded like one of those informercials.

“More, you say?” Eda said in probably the same tone of voice she’d use to stop Luz from jumping off a cliff. (In Luz’s defense, she’d only done that once, and there had been extenuating circumstances.)

Luz nodded eagerly, and kept nodding because the motion felt so good. Eda cleared her throat. “Oh, right! The more! Yeah, see, if I forget my mami too, then I don’t have to go back! I can stay here forever! Be a witch! Be with you and Amity and Willow and Gus! Cause if I go back, I can never return. Ever.” She felt a tear running down her cheek and wiped it away. “Yeah, mami wants me back, but if I don’t know that, I don’t have to go!”

“You…you don’t think she’s gonna be upset?” Eda said. “You can really do that to her?”

Luz laughed. “Upset? Come on! Vee can play my role, she’s better at being me than me is. Are. Am. Whatevs. I mean, she’ll get used to it. Probably not even miss me. Better a basilisk than a retard, am I right or am I right?” She tried to elbow Eda and missed and fell to the floor with a loud oof.

“Luz, I don’t know what that word means, but whatever it means, it’s not you.” Luz didn’t believe her. People had tried telling her that for years. Their words were hollow. They didn’t mean anything. “You know I can’t let you forget your parents.”

“It’s not fair!” Luz whined as she picked herself up. “I’d let you forget your parents if you wanted!” For some reason, this sterling argument was not persuading Eda. She hiccupped. “It hurts! It hurts so much. Every time I look at my Azura book, I see…I see him. His drawings…”

“Wait, are you saying your dad illustrated the books?” Eda asked, sounding surprised. “I mean, you probably mentioned that, but – and I’m saying this cause you won’t remember it later – I tune you out when you start talking about those books.”

“Just the first one,” Luz explained. “I look at it and I see the drawings and it HURTS!”

Eda took a deep breath. “Kiddo, I’m gonna make you a compromise here, all right? I can’t let you forget your dad or your mom.” Luz scowled at her. “We’re talking major league brain damage if you do that. So much of your identity is tied into your parents. Everything that makes you Luz Noceda could just unravel if that happened.” A part of Luz didn’t think that was the worst idea she’d ever heard. Fortunately, even drunk, she wasn’t listening to that part. “But what I can do is make you forget he illustrated those books. He used a pen name, right? Shouldn’t be too hard to make you forget that.”

Luz practically tackled Eda with a hug. “Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Don’t go thanking me yet, Luz,” Eda warned. “Because here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna bottle up this memory and give it to Amity for safekeeping. You’re going to swear me an Everlasting Oath that you will never use memory tweezers without my permission. I can’t have you doing this again. And then and only then will we extract the memories. Do you understand me?”

“I love you, mom,” Luz said, and Eda froze in her tracks.

“I, uh…thanks, owlet. Love you too.”

Luz opened her eyes in real life as the memory ended and could feel the shame spreading across her face. How dumb had she been? She’d tried to forget her parents even existed? She’d had to get Eda to remove her memories of Papi illustrating those books to stop her from potentially doing something even dumber? And then she’d placed Amity in the unenviable position of having to keep that secret from her.

Amity didn’t look particularly bothered by that, though. “Luz, I’m sorry you hurt so much. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you through that. I want to be here for you whenever you need me.” She gave a whimsical smile. “You know, I know you learned pretty early on destiny wasn’t a thing, but I can’t help but wonder sometimes. I’m literally the only person in my universe who likes the Good Witch Azura books. And you are one of a very small segment of people in your universe who likes them. Yet somehow we met and fell in love. I mean…what are the odds?”

“A thermodynamic miracle,” Luz muttered, remembering something she had read in one of her favorite comic books of all time.

“Yeah. I like the sound of that.” Amity leaned in and kissed Luz on the lips. “Look, none of us are perfect all the time. We’re gonna have relapses back away from the people we wanna be. I can’t say I haven’t used my inner mean girl to get people to back off these last few weeks. As long as we keep moving forward, it doesn’t matter how many times we stumbled.” She gave a radiant smile. “Now how about we look at those illustrations together?”

So for the rest of the hour, that was precisely what they did. And it felt good. For Luz, it was the first time she’d ever done that, because she still didn’t have her memories of having done it with Amity in the past.

Luz and Amity joined Willow, Gus, and Diana, who were in the living room, waiting for something. A few minutes later, it became clear what they were waiting for, as Mami returned from work as she did every afternoon. She looked a little startled to see them all there. “Is something wrong?”

“Quite the opposite, Camila,” Willow said with a reassuring smile. “Since we’re going back, we all wanted a chance to thank you for your hospitality.” Mami opened her mouth to say something. Willow put up a hand. “Yes, I know, it was nothing to you, but it wasn’t nothing to us, so please let us thank you.”

She twirled her hand and a bouquet of irises appeared in it, which she handed over to Mami. “Thank you for going out of your way to help us. I can see where Luz gets her generous spirit from. You made things so much easier on us, and I hope I’ll be able to come back and visit in the future.”

“Oh, Willow, you’re too kind,” Mami said.

Gus handed over Adrian’s mirror to her. “This is a very powerful illusion artifact, which can be used to scan people’s memories. Maybe you could use it on the animals you work with to find out what they’re sick with?”

Mami practically lit up like a Christmas tree at the very idea. “Oh my goodness, Gus, what a wonderful idea!”

“You’ve been so nice and kind to me, and to Diana, and to all of us, really. So thank you.”

Amity made a spell circle and used her abomination magic to make a bookcase. “You can keep all of Diana’s books in here for when she comes to visit,” she suggested.

“I think I’m going to need a bigger bookcase for that, sweetie!” Mami said with a laugh. “Thank you.” She looked uncomfortable. “But you all know I don’t really need any gifts…”

“It’s traditional for guests to give their host a gift upon departure in the Demon Realm,” Diana explained. She sighed. “Which makes it all the more egregious that I don’t have one for you. In fact, I have a request instead. I want…” She steeled herself. “I want to call you mom! My mom. I want to be your daughter. Like Luz and Vee. I mean, you practically already are my mom. At least, I think of you that way! If I’m being too presumptuous…”

Mami put her hand up. “Not at all, mija.” Diana practically preened at that word. She didn’t know much Spanish, Luz knew, but that was one of the words she did know. “It would be my distinct honor. How far we’ve come from you taking me hostage, eh?” She nudged Diana playfully.

After having one final dinner together – well, not final dinner, just the final dinner of their forced stay in the Human Realm – they all got into Mami’s car and drove over to the abandoned house where the original portal had been. It made perfect sense to Luz that the new portal would be constructed there; the old portal had probably left all sorts of energies there over the decades.

Luz was going back! She was going back to the Isles and now she would be able to return too! She didn’t have to choose. She didn’t have to give anything up. Everything she wanted was close to her and all she needed to do was reach out and grab it. She practically skipped her way into the house and then she stopped suddenly in her tracks. Dipper, Pacifica, Mabel, and Wendy were waiting for them, and there were guns in their hands, pointed straight at Luz and her friends. 

“What…what’s going on here?” Luz stammered.

“The giraffes!” Diana suddenly realized. “You’re being possessed by the giraffes! Oh, Titan, I should have seen it before now.”

“No flies on this boy,” Giraffe Mabel purred, and Luz had to physically restrain Willow from launching herself at her for her deliberate misgendering. There was no telling what Giraffe Mabel was capable of. Somehow, Luz suspected guns were only a small part of the giraffes’ arsenal. “Now here’s what we’re gonna do. Luz, we have a hankering to meet the last of the Titans. And by meet, I mean kill. So you’re going to go through the portal and bring him here, and we’ll kill you all.”

“Uh…don’t you mean or?” Gus asked. “Cause that sounds like a pretty crucial conjuncture.”

Giraffe Pacifica cackled malevolently. “Oh, no, Gus. Because there is so much fun we can have with you without killing you. Your body will survive it…your sanity will not.”

What other choice did Luz have? They were in a confined space with demigods who could breathe fire and were all armed. How could she beat them in a fight? “I understand,” she muttered. “Just…don’t hurt them.”

Giraffe Dipper patted Luz on the top of the head condescendingly. It hurt. She’d spent the last couple of days going along with his errands, doing things that she thought was going to keep the town safe, only to be played for a sucker again! This was, like, the third time! It was honestly getting old. “You have one hour and then we start playing games with your mommy, okay, honeybunch?”

And with that, he shoved Luz through the portal.

Luz was back in the Boiling Isles, and the moment of triumph she thought she’d feel was utterly denied to her. This was not a triumphant moment. Luz Noceda, the multiverse’s greatest sucker, had failed her family yet again, and now she was being asked to bring her little brother to the slaughter. So she trudged through the streets of Bonesborough – which, a distant part of her noted, seemed a lot more sedate and clean than ever before – and made her way to the Owl House. Thankfully, Hooty let her in without a word. She didn’t think she could take his…Hootyness right now.

“Hey, Raine, wanna hear a joke?” Eda called out, sounding jovial as ever. God, how Luz had missed that voice. Luz followed it into the kitchen where Eda and Raine were making dinner. “My ex-husband still misses me BUT HIS AIM IS GETTING BETTER!”

There was dead silence as Raine spotted Luz and their mouth dropped open in astonishment. Eda hadn’t noticed it, probably still wrapped up in whatever part of her own head that had thought that would be a good joke. “His aim is getting better!” she repeated. “You see, it’s funny because marriage is –”

“Behind you, Eda!” Raine called out.

Eda turned to face Luz and her mouth dropped open. “Owlet…? Is it really you?”

“Hey, mom,” Luz said, her voice cracking with emotion. “I’m home.”

Chapter Text

Motherhood had sneaked up on Eda, and then attacked her with vicious abandon. Before Luz entered her life, she was going through the motions of living. No, not even that. Surviving. She’d denied her maternal instincts with every fiber of her being. She’d even termed her son in all but name at the time to be just her roommate, something that King was only too happy to go along with because it fed his delusions – the delusions Eda had encouraged – that he was the mighty and all powerful King of Demons.

And then Luz swept into her life. At first, she’d found the perpetually bright human to be annoying. But as time went on, Eda got to know her better and she realized a couple of things. First of all, Luz was just as skilled a con artist as Eda was, except her specialty was conning herself. She regularly tricked herself into thinking everything was fine, that she could triumph against the grim forces of life with a peppy attitude and an endless array of clichés. In reality, Luz was just as miserable as Eda was, just in a very different way, even if she didn’t know it.

Second of all, Eda was damn good with kids, surprisingly enough. It took her a while, but she figured out how to work with Luz instead of against her, to ensure she kept as safe as an aspiring witch with a seeming death wish could be. She was able to perfectly balance the need to give Luz freedom with the responsibilities of keeping her safe. As she grew to understand her pupil, as Luz turned from a dumb kid to her dumb kid, Eda became more and more fond of Luz.

The last few weeks should have been the happiest in her life. After all, she’d reconciled with Raine, they were in love once more, and the two of them were engaged. Belos and the Collector had been defeated, and she was a hero instead of a pariah. The people of the Isles could mix and match their magic as they pleased and Eda had been making money hand over fist tutoring people to do just that. She was in symbiosis with her inner Owl Beast, her relationship with her parents was stronger than ever, and she was getting along better with her sister than she had since they were teenagers.

And yet none of it meant anything, because Luz was gone.

Even being able to communicate with Luz through the In Between Realm, even when Mrs. Noceda backed off on her ultimatum to keep Luz permanently in the Human Realm, none of that eased the sheer, unending pain Luz’s absence caused her. She’d cried herself to sleep a majority of the days Luz had been gone. She’d tried her best to put on a brave face, but her daughter was so much better at that than she was, and everyone she loved could see straight through her.

Everyone around her had tried to help her, to no avail. They meant well, but they were vastly annoying. Eda had had to put Hooty into hibernation because he kept trying to psychoanalyze her, which was really rich coming from the creature that had caused half of Bonesborough to require therapy and the other half to have their memories wiped of Hooty’s “ascension.” The only thing that could help Eda now was the return of Luz.

Well, that was what she thought. Right up until Luz entered her house, gave a pithy statement, and then fell into her arms crying.

“I got tricked again, mom!” Luz called out in between tears. “I…the giraffes, they possessed the Pines…people I trusted…and now they’re gonna kill King!”

It took all of Eda’s self-control not to scream in fright. The giraffes were alive?! Luz had mentioned that once, Eda recalled, but Eda, for the sake of her sanity, had chosen to believe she was just messing with her. Oh, this was all kinds of not good. If the legends were true, or even vaguely approaching the truth, the giraffes’ malevolence made the Collector look like a Snaggleback in comparison.

“Luz, calm down,” Eda said in the most soothing tone available to her. “We’re going to fix this. I need you to explain everything that’s going on.”

Luz was unusually concise and to the point. Normally, these things were accompanied by ramblings and digressions in a wide variety of directions, so Eda took this as a very bad sign. She talked about how the giraffes had possessed trusted experts on the paranormal and deceived her into casting all sorts of rituals that would aid in their quest for multiversal domination. She told Eda about the ultimatum they gave her. About how they would torture her family if she didn’t give them King.

Eda gave Luz a reassuring smile. “Luz, none of this is your fault. This isn’t like Adegast, where the list of warning signs was a mile wide. This impersonation was flawless, by the sounds of it. And you’ve done the exact right thing, coming to me for help.”

Raine nodded firmly. “Eda’s right. These giraffes are arrogant, and they made the mistake of letting you in here unsupervised. We have the forces necessary to defeat them.”

Luz looked bewildered. “How? With what army?”

“Uh, our army,” Eda said slowly. “We’re not some ragtag band of rebels anymore. We won, remember? The government belongs to us now. King is emperor, and Regent Steve is going to throw every single resource we have available to us at these giraffes. We have hundreds of combat trained witches on our side. I mean, I know in your stories, this is the sort of thing where the heroine has to fight the evil all by herself, maybe with her friends, because the government’s useless. But this is real life.”

“Exactly, Luz,” Raine said encouragingly. “We’ve got oracles who can break the possession. Witches highly trained in the art of combat who can fight the giraffes one on one. You are not alone anymore. We’re going to win.”

Luz looked like this wasn’t making any sense to her, like she didn’t want to believe it for fear of being disappointed. “You…you’re sure? What if Regent Steve doesn’t believe us?”

“Of course he’s gonna believe us,” Eda said. “With us and King vouching for you, of course he’ll believe us.” She patted Luz on the head as Luz finally disentangled herself from her arms. “There’s nothing to worry about, honey. I promise you, we’ll do everything we can to help, and you’re safe now.”

“I’m not safe!” Luz snapped. “I have to return with King in an hour, and they’ll kill him when I do!”

Raine looked lost in thought for a few seconds. “Perhaps an illusion would suffice? Do you think they’d be able to see through that?”

“When they don’t get their full power back after he ‘dies,’ then, yeah, they’re definitely gonna see through it,” Eda pointed out. She sighed. “Kiddo, you’re going back, aren’t you?” Luz nodded. “Yeah…I’m not even going to try to stop you. You’ll just sneak back out if I do. Okay. Raine, can you get a message to King, tell him to come here?”

Raine nodded, pulled out their scroll and stepped out of the house to give them some privacy. Eda helped Luz over to the couch. The poor thing was trembling and looked like she was on her last legs. “I screwed up again…”

“Luz, I don’t really wanna downplay your feelings here, but it doesn’t exactly sound like you did very much here,” Eda pointed out. “The giraffes had everyone fooled. If you knew the Pines well enough to be able to notice discrepancies, then maybe you’d have a tiny bit of a point. But you didn’t. You just knew their public personas.”

Luz nodded slowly. It would take a while to convince her, time Eda did not have at the minute, but convince her eventually, she would. To take Luz’s mind off of things, Eda quizzed her about how she’d been doing at home. Eda was overjoyed to hear that Luz had missed her almost as much as the other way around. Well, overjoyed Luz cared so much about her. The actual missing part, not so much. Storytelling always made Luz happier, and by the time she’d finished regaling Eda about how she’d audaciously told her full story in public to stave off a school shooter, King had arrived with Steve and several of the top witches in the Oracle Guild.

“Hermana mayor!” King called out as he practically jumped into Luz’s arms. Eda had stumbled upon a Spanish textbook amidst her piles of Earth junk and King was eagerly soaking up the material to surprise his big sister with when she returned.

“Oh my gosh, you’ve grown!” Luz called out, twirling him around with an expression of pure joy on her face. It was true. King had picked up about two inches since Luz’s forced exile. Rulership seemed to suit him. “I bet you’ll be eventually as tall as me! No, way, way taller!”

“Good morning, Your Highness,” Steve said with a polite nod.

“My…what…?” Luz asked, looking totally bewildered.

Eda smirked. This was going to be so good. “Didn’t anyone tell you? You’re the crown princess of the Boiling Isles now. Yep. Until King has kids, you’re the heir to the throne.”

Luz blinked repeatedly. “Okay…I’m really not sure how to process that.”

“Then it will have to wait,” Steve said calmly. “Princess Luz, thank you for bringing this dire security risk to our attention. These are the top oracles the Guild was able to loan us at short notice. I assure you, they’re extremely powerful, hopefully enough to break the possession and allow us to slay the giraffes.” He sighed. “But I must warn you, slaying the giraffes is our top priority. If the possession cannot be broken…” He didn’t even need to bother finishing the sentence.

Luz drew herself up, putting on her customary look of total confidence, regardless of how she actually felt. When this whole mess was over, Eda was dragging her daughter to therapy, kicking and screaming if necessary. “Right. We can do this. Thank you, sir.”

“Ugh, sir,” Steve said with a shudder. “Just call me Steve. Regent Steve if you have to, but please don’t. I’m just a regular guy who happens to be friends with the King of Demons, that’s all.”

“You’re a lot more than that, Steve,” King promised.

Steve looked nervous for a few seconds. “Well, I hope you’re right. Because if you’re not…this could go very bad, very fast.”

They wouldn’t. Eda had spent enough time with Luz to know that. She’d pull something out of her hat in some form or another. She always had. She’d rescued Eda from being petrified, defeated Grom, and tricked Belos. How hard could defeating some giraffes be?

*****

Amity couldn’t believe her rotten luck. Just when she thought she was going to be returning to her home, to see her siblings again, even her dad, those stupid Pines had turned out to be secretly giraffes. Amity had thought there was something odd about them from the get go, but she had dismissed her feelings as jealousy that Luz was enjoying spending time with them so much. Turns out she should have trusted her instincts from the get go.

And worst of all, the giraffes wouldn’t shut up. They kept yammering about their inevitable victory, about all the manifold torments they would visit upon them when King was dead, the brilliant way they’d rule the Human Realm when they were at full power. In Amity’s opinion, they were both insane and moronic. Their complete lack of subtlety would just cause the humans to rebel against them. If they’d had a singular ounce of it, maybe things would be different. Not a ton, just one ounce! But, no, they didn’t.

By the time the portal opened once more, Amity was wishing the giraffes would just finish her off rather than have to endure a single second more of their villainous monologuing. Whatever else you could say about Belos, at least he wasn’t boring.

King stepped out of the portal, doing a sterling job of putting on a brave face, but Amity could sense he was absolutely terrified. “Okay. I’m here. You got me. Now let everyone go!”

“Hmm, let me think,” Sobek said with a mock expression of thoughtfulness. “Nah!”

He reached out using Wendy’s hand and used his powers to slam Amity against a wall. “I’m thinking for the appetizer of today’s banquet, I’m gonna have fresh bile!” He reached towards her chest.

“That sounds disgusting,” King pointed out. “I mean, I know you’re evil, but come on, everyone knows the bile sac is the least delicious part of a witch.”

Sobek didn’t look particularly impressed with this logic, but he didn’t get a chance to argue with King further, because King abruptly let out an enormous “WEH!” targeted directly and specifically at the giraffes. Amity fell to the floor as the hold on her was broken. The force of the sonic attack slammed the giraffes against the ceiling and King used his power to pin them there. Vibrations surrounded the bodies of the Pines family and they struggled to escape, but they could not.

Without any fanfare, several witches bearing clothes with the logo of the Oracle Guild appeared out of nowhere, having used invisibility glyphs to hide themselves. Several purple spell circles appeared as the oracles cast an exorcism spell to get the giraffes out of their victims.

And they were successful. It was an odd feeling, seeing oracle magic used for good instead of just another tool in Mother’s arsenal of ways to control Amity. Even though Amity could never bear to learn oracle magic, she was beginning to see the appeal.

The giraffes oozed out of the orifices of the Pines family until they were fully formed back in their original form on the floor. This, however, didn’t make them any less dangerous than before, as the poor oracle witches discovered a few moments later as their heads exploded from a single twitch of the giraffes’ hooves.

“If this is the way you want to play it, then we are happy to oblige,” Wepwawet said with a mockery of a courtly bow.

They lifted their hooves, and then the door to the shack was kicked off its hinges and two identical old men Amity had never seen before in her life charged in, firing rifles at the giraffes with a vicious intensity. “Hurt my family, would you!” the wilder looking of the men screamed as he loaded bullet after bullet into the giraffes. The bullets didn’t seem to be affecting the giraffes much, but at the same time, healing themselves was taking up much of their attention.

The portal flared again, and at least a dozen witches from various guilds, led by Eda the Harpy Lady herself, charged out. Eda was in full harpy form and looked angrier than Amity had ever seen her. “Hey, giraffes! No one messes with my son and lives.”

And before they could stop her, Eda jumped onto the nearest giraffe – Anubis, as it happened – and ripped his head off. Black, oily blood spilled everywhere. It hadn’t killed Anubis, but it definitely took him out of the count. The head fell to the floor with a splash and the rest of his body collapsed, unable to move. Eda snapped her fingers and one of the witches returned to the Demon Realm with Anubis’s head in tow.

“This isn’t over,” Selket announced. “You’ve just delayed the inevitable.” And then she and the remaining two giraffes charged straight through the walls of the house, running in separate directions.

Amity breathed a huge sigh of relief. At least she wasn’t going to die anytime soon. Her relief only got stronger when Luz stepped through the portal and gave her a shaky smile. “Those freaks should have known better than to mess with my batata,” she said proudly.

“Your…sweet potato?” King said, scratching his head. “That can’t be right. I need to reread that book.”

Regent Steve stepped through the portal next, and nodded approvingly at Anubis’s bisected lower half. “Very good work. All right, spread out, everyone! There’s still three more lesser giraffes to kill, as well as their leader.”

Luz raised a hand, looking sheepish. “Uh, I don’t want to, like, rain on people’s parade, but we kind of can’t let people around here know magic is real. They’ll freak out.”

Eda placed a gentle hand on Luz’s shoulder. “Owlet, they’re gonna find out magic is real one way or another. I’d rather them find out from us instead of the giraffes, wouldn’t you?”

“Your concerns are valid, Princess Luz,” Regent Steve said, “but the giraffes are a threat beyond anything you can possibly imagine, and stopping them supersedes nearly all other priorities. We can deal with the repercussions later.”

Dipper cleared his throat. Amity had almost forgot he was still there, he and his fellow former victims of the giraffes had been so quiet. “Not necessarily! Anubis set up a barrier spell of incredible power around Gravesfield. They don’t want the government finding out about them before they’re ready. That combined with cutting the power to the whole town means we have a better than average chance of keeping this contained.”

“What are we still standing around here for?” the grungy old man complained.

Eda turned her head all of a sudden to face him. “Stan?! You’re alive?”

“Hey, Marilyn,” Stan said sourly. “Long time, no see.”

Pacifica rolled her eyes. “Uh, hello, this is not the time for a goddamn soap opera! Threats to the fabric of reality, remember?”

“Right,” Regent Steve said, looking a trifle embarrassed he’d taken his eye off the ball for even a couple of seconds. “We’ll split into three teams, one for each remaining giraffe. Destroy any obstacles in your path. Don’t concern yourself with hiding magic. We’ll worry about that later. 

Diana stepped over to Gus. She’d been very quiet for a while. Atypically so. Normally, it was kind of hard to get the former Golden Guard to stop talking. “Gus, I’m really sorry about this,” she said, and then she wrapped her arm around Gus’s neck in a stranglehold. Gus barely had time to look betrayed before his sister had choked him unconscious. “I can’t risk you getting hurt.” She gave Gus over to one of the witches from the Illusion Guild. “Get him back to his dad. Don’t let him come here, whatever you do.”

At a nod from Regent Steve, the witch carted Gus through the portal. Amity had to admire Diana’s sheer audacity. She didn’t think she’d ever have the guts to do the same thing to Willow. “He’s gonna hate you when he wakes up.”

“But he’ll be alive to do it,” Diana retorted.

Willow gave a very menacing look at her girlfriend. “I hope you don’t plan to do the same thing to me.”

Diana put her hands up placatingly. “And take out one of our best fighters? No way!”

Amity put on her most adorable expression and looked at Luz imploringly. “Cariño, la luz de mi vida –”

“I’m not going to cower in the Demon Realm while good people fight in my place, Amity,” Luz snapped, her voice utterly firm. “And if you try to choke me out, we’re done.”

Amity looked over to Camila for some backup and was alarmed to see that she was just staring off into space, a totally blank look on her face. “Ah, yes, I thought this might happen,” Dipper admitted, and then explained how Anubis’s mind control ritual worked. “There are probably very few adults out there right now with the will to fully overcome it – even Mrs. Noceda’s partial overcoming of the spell speaks to an impressive level of willpower.”

“So if we’re gonna get human support, we’re gonna need to rope in some kids,” Luz concluded. “Now where are we going to find a ready made army of kids to fight for us?”

Amity groaned. She knew exactly where this was going.  

*****

Even if Eddie hadn’t been fully briefed on the existence of magic, it wouldn’t have taken a genius to realize that when the adults in his school all abruptly walked out of their various classrooms and left the school all at once, something magical was happening. There were a handful of adults who had not left, but were not precisely what you might call helpful, as they appeared to be staring blankly into space now and were unable to be roused. The fact that all electronic devices, including their cell phones, had failed hadn’t helped anyone’s mood either.

Eddie really hoped something hadn’t gone wrong with the portal. The news that Diana and her friends were about to depart had made Eddie a little sad, though that had been eclipsed by relief that they were finally going to be reunited with their loved ones. He was also really excited about the prospect of visiting the Demon Realm himself. A brave new world with no homophobia in it? Sign him up! But the whole thing had seemed a little too good to be true and had seemed to happen all at once. Maybe Dr. Pines had turned out to be some sort of fraud and his ritual had backfired spectacularly.

As the kids gravitated towards the lunchroom and speculated as to exactly that the hell was going on with the adults, Eddie nearly collided with a very determined looking Luz. He had never seen her quite like this before. She was in full battle mode, he realized, taking on the role that Diana played nearly all the time. “Luz, what the hell is happening here?”

“Giraffes,” Luz said curtly, which explained nothing. “I know, it sounds crazy, but they’ve brainwashed the adults, there’s a horde of zombies, I don’t know what else. I got reinforcements from the Demon Realm, but we need all the hell we can get to defeat these guys.”

“What are you high on and where can I get some?” someone asked.

Luz stood on a table and clapped her hands sharply, gaining everyone’s attention. “Listen up, everyone! I don’t give a crap about whether you believe what I’m gonna tell you! I’ve got bigger fish to fry! Magic is real, evil giraffes are here to kill us all, and they have a zombie horde and a horde of brainwashed adults! Good news: There’s an army of witches here to fight them – they’re the good guys – but we need all the help we can get! I can’t promise anything but a decent chance at a violent death if you help, but I’ll do my darndest to get you a bitching headstone if you die!”

Everyone just stared at her.

And stared at her some more.

And some more.

“Also, griffins breathe spiders,” Luz went on, heedless to the silence around her. “So anyone who made fun of me for that should be ashamed of themselves!”

“Anyone who made fun of her for anything should be ashamed,” Eddie said firmly, deciding to take advantage of the fact that no one seemed to know quite how to respond. “Now some of you know me and others don’t. I’m Eddie Falconer, and I believe Luz. I’m ready to fight! Now if any of you are not willing to stand alongside me as we fight against these…giraffes?” Luz nodded. Eddie sighed. There was no dignity in making a rousing speech against giraffes. “If any of you aren’t willing to fight, then that’s fine. But I’m gonna make a stand! Who’s with me?”

Very few students turned out to be willing to make that stand, mostly consisting of about three quarters of the GSA and a handful of outsiders. Eddie was shocked. After that terrible speech Luz had given, he wasn’t expecting anyone to be willing to even come anywhere close to believing her, much less be willing to fight evil giraffes for her.

“Sniveling cowards!” Eleanor called out, shaking their fist at the GSA members unwilling to fight.

“No, Eleanor,” Eddie said in the sternest voice he had available to him. “They agreed to join an advocacy organization, not go to war. There’s no dishonor in choosing to save yourself when you’re just a kid and there’s a damn good chance we’ll die.”

“So why are you fighting, then?” Alice asked.

Eddie shrugged. “It’s the right thing to do, that’s all.” But there was more to it than that. Jake had died fighting for what he believed was right, even though he was completely off base in what that was. Eddie admired that courage. More importantly, Jake had known that there was an invasion coming, even if he’d gotten all of the details dreadfully wrong. It would have dishonored his memory for Eddie not to fight now that it was here.

He drew himself up. “Okay! First order of business is to get our hands on some weapons. Fortunately, I know exactly where to get some.”

Eddie led his team out of the school. A few kids joined them as they departed, but by and large, the student body decided to stay inside where it was presumably safer. Though Eddie knew it wasn’t. If the giraffes decided to attack the school, they’d be dead meat. Eddie figured his chance for survival was better on the move.

Jake had left Eddie everything in his will and that included his ungodly large collection of guns and ammunition. There was enough of that stuff at the storage facility outside of town to start a small war, which was fortuitous, because that was exactly what they were there to fight. On the not so bright side, Luz turned out to be not joking in the slightest about the roving bands of brainwashed adults or the zombies. Luckily, both of the groups didn’t seem to have enough independent thought available to them to notice Eddie’s team, much less pursue them.

Luz was also right about the teams of witches. Eddie watched in awe as dozens of witches fought against the brainwashed adults and zombies with a wide variety of different spells. Witches with green spell circles manipulated vines to tie up the brainwashed while witches with brown spell circles threw rocks and bricks through the heads of various zombies.

The team managed to make it to the storage facility with zero casualties. Eddie opened up several crates absolutely packed with guns and ammo. After loading the guns and giving everyone a brief lesson on gun safety, they trudged away from the facility and decided to find the place where there was the greatest concentration of witches fighting, because it probably meant they were going after a giraffe. (How was this even his life now?)

Eddie spotted Diana in the center of a large concentration of witches close to the history museum and rushed towards her. Diana looked incredibly alarmed to see them. “What the hell are you doing here?! Are you out of your mind?”

“Luz said you could use some help,” Eddie said defensively.

“Luz must have lost whatever is left of her mind,” Diana snapped. “You’re kids! You shouldn’t be putting yourselves at risk.”

“You’re a kid too,” Alice argued.

Diana laughed caustically. “Yeah. Sure I am.” She rolled her eyes. “Well, as long as you’re here, leave your guns here. We could use them. Selket and Wepwawet have been spotted nearby. Those are two of the giraffes. There are three left, plus MacKinnon, who’s their leader. We’re not sure if he’s a giraffe or something much, much worse.”

“MacKinnon? Lionel MacKinnon, the billionaire industrialist?” Diana nodded. Oh, spectacular. So they were up against the richest man in the state as well as evil giraffes who sounded like they had a side gig as Egyptian gods. “Look, there’s no time to argue. We have to fight.”

“NO, YOU FUCKING DON’T!” Diana screeched. “You don’t know what it’s like to go to war, Eddie! Not like I do! You don’t know battle like me. It rips out chunks of your soul.”

Alice sighed. “Maybe she has a point, Eddie. This was…now that I think about it, I think this was really stupid.” The other members of the GSA gave sounds of agreement.

Eddie opened his mouth to speak, but before he could do it, a massive explosion ripped through the building across the square from the historical society. Selket and Wepwawet strolled through the flames like they were out for an afternoon stroll.

“Ah, so some more foolish children think they have what it takes to defeat the infinite glory that is us,” Wepwawet purred. “It’s truly pathetic. Sad, really. I’m almost inclined to give you all a painless death.” She bared her teeth in a sadistic smile. “Almost.”  

Diana pulled out a pistol she must have taken from a defeated brainwashed police officer and fired it at the giraffes with a surprisingly steady hand. She must have gotten ranged weapon training during her mysterious past, though probably with bows and arrows instead of guns. While she did this, the various witches fired spells at the giraffes, who tanked most of the damage done. Eddie and his friends fired their own guns at the giraffes, but the bullets just bounced off their hides.

“I AM MORTALLY WOUNDED!” Saul called out, and Eddie looked over at him with alarm, only to roll his eyes when he saw that Saul had the slightest of grazes to the leg from a ricocheted bullet. “Truly, this is a punishment for the hubris I had to think I could ever glance beyond the boundaries of this reality. The sentient duck has given me what I rightfully deserve.”

“Dude, it barely even counts as a flesh wound.”

“WHY?! Why did I ever think it was wise to reveal the truth of the fanfic I’m living in?” Saul lamented, heedless to the fact that he was not, in fact, dying at all. He looked down at his shirt and gave a shriek. “IT WAS FORETOLD! I should have known better than to wear a red shirt, for it has made me one!”

A witch knocked Saul out “accidentally” with a concussive blast. Eddie sighed. He really shouldn’t be thinking so badly of Saul, especially since Saul was willing to fight at his side against a highly dangerous foe, but there were times when Eddie just was not in the mood for humoring his delusions and this was one of them. “Thank you,” Eddie muttered at the witch, who gave a curt nod.

“If you surrender now and kneel before us, we will spare your lives,” Selket offered with a whimsical grin. She looked very surprised when Alice stepped forward and did just that. But not half as surprised as she looked when Alice took out the automatic shotgun she’d been hiding behind her back, aimed it at Selket’s groin and started firing over and over again. Chunks of viscera that was probably best not identified started flying everywhere. When the astonished looking Selket collapsed to the ground, Alice kept on shooting her until the gun clicked empty.

Eddie and the other members of the GSA stepped forward and fired their own guns at Selket. Selket screeched in pure agony as bullets tore into her. Finally, for the coup de grace, Diana walked up behind Selket and shot her in the back of the head at point blank range.

“Wow, that was so awesome!” Alice called out, bouncing up and down with excitement.

“You idiots, there’s still one more!” Diana snapped, but before anyone could process that statement, a huge pulse of energy emerged from Wepwawet and everything went dark for a few seconds. When Eddie regained consciousness, he was resting against the wall of the historical society. The square was rubble, the statues of the Wittebanes were nothing but slag, and Eddie was pretty sure all of his limbs and his back were now broken. Everyone looked similarly injured. Two kids were outright dead, and so were all of the witch forces except for Diana, whose right leg was blown off. Eddie only vaguely recognized the dead kids as being new members of the club.

And he’d led them to their deaths.

What had he been thinking, going up against dark gods with just a couple of guns? In the end, he had just as much hubris as Saul thought he had. (Ironically, Saul looked completely unharmed by the blast. If he had gotten some duck writer god to put a target on him, then it was clearly terrible at it. A quack, one might say.) But, no, Eddie thought he could be a hero. And because of that, he was about to die.

“You killed Selket. My sister,” Wepwawet said, and then gave a perky grin. “I have to thank you for that. I really hated her. I owe you for that…and that’s why your deaths will only last years instead of millennia.” 

She raised a hoof and tapped it on the ground. Nothing happened. Then there were several more taps – stomps, really – followed by a clapping sound. There was something damnably familiar about that rhythm, but Eddie’s concussed mind couldn’t quite place it. Before Eddie’s eyes, the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen in his life stepped forward. She was a witch with dark skin and silver hair and was wearing a red outfit. She stomped twice and then clapped several times in quick succession and Wepwawet screamed in agony as she levitated into the air.

“Buddy, you’re an old man, poor man, pleading with your eyes gonna make you some peace some day!” the girl half-sung, half-screamed and Eddie couldn’t help but grin as where he’d heard the rhythm before finally hit him. The spell the girl was casting slowly started to rip Wepwawet into shreds. “You got mud on your face, you big disgrace! SOMEBODY BETTER PUT YOU BACK INTO YOUR PLACE!”

It was only then that Eddie noticed a second witch next to her, a girl of the same age with a fishhook in her ear. “Any takers for that position, Skara?”

“Oh, I think I can think of a few, Viney,” Skara purred, and then she and Viney simultaneously held out their hands. “We will rock you, giraffe!”

The two of them cast a spell simultaneously and then Wepwawet just exploded into a shower of rotting meat. It was the single most amazing thing Eddie had seen in his life. He was pretty sure he was in love at first sight. And/or about to pass out from blood loss.

Viney walked over to the various wounded witches and humans and cast spells to heal them, including regenerating Diana’s leg. “Sorry, I’m kind of an amateur,” Viney apologized as she healed Eddie. She was only able to heal them partially, especially after the power she expended, but it would be enough to keep them alive and in good condition until a more skilled healer could get to them.

“What are you even doing here?” Diana asked, her voice filled with wonder.

“We couldn’t let you fight giraffes all by your lonesome,” Skara explained. Her voice was so soft and musical, like chocolate bells. Wait, what? Perhaps the blood loss theory had more merit to it than Eddie thought. “When we heard – and don’t ask how; we have our ways, that’s all I’ll say – we knew we were gonna have to stop you from doing something stupid. You like my song? Eda taught it to me.”

“It’s pretty damn awesome,” Diana admitted, and then swept Skara up into a tight hug.

Eddie frantically gestured for Diana to join him. “Is Skara single?” he whispered. Well, tried to whisper. He was pretty sure the words came out louder than he thought. Was it his imagination or did Skara look flattered by that question? He was going to give fifty-fifty odds, frankly. “Please tell me she’s single.”

“She’s single,” Diana said with a slight smirk. “And into guys. But if you dump her on the first date, we’re gonna have a problem, understand?” Eddie nodded hurriedly.

He wracked his brain for the perfect pickup line as Diana led Skara over to him. You know what you would look really beautiful in? My arms. Do you have a map? I got lost in your eyes.

“Do you have a map?” Eddie said in the most confident, flirtatious voice available to him. “My arms.” Nailed it, he thought, just as he lost consciousness.

*****

Willow was not exactly what one might call impressed by the giraffes. She’d expected a great deal more from the creatures said to have slain King’s father. True, she knew they wouldn’t be anywhere close to their full power until they killed King, but still, it was unimpressive how easily the brainwashed Gravesfielders and zombies that the giraffes had placed in their path went down to the Boiling Empire’s most elite troops.  Of course, part of that might just have been because she punched in a higher weight class these days. After facing Belos, everyone else kind of seemed unimpressive. Willow certainly knew that if Boscha gave her a hard time after she get back, she’d laugh in her face.

Willow was now accompanying Luz, Eda, Vee, King, Regent Steve, and Clara, as well as a squadron of witches from various guilds in the direction of the cemetery so they could shut off the ritual that was powering the zombies. That would halve the impromptu army the giraffes had set up and remove the last of the defenses between them and MacKinnon Manor so they could kill Sutekh once and for all.

Willow had thoroughly objected to the idea of the not-at-all combat trained Clara being present, to say nothing of King, whose death was the primary objective of the giraffes’ master plan, but her objections had been overruled by Luz, and Regent Steve seemed to be content to follow her lead. Luz assured Willow that she had a “foolproof plan” requiring King and Clara’s presence inspired by “season one, episode eight.” It would be far more reassuring if Willow had the slightest clue what Luz was talking about, but Luz refused to elaborate. Ostensibly, this was because Luz was trying to keep information close to the vest so the giraffes couldn’t torture it out of her, but Willow suspected a good part of it was revenge for keeping her relationship with Diana a secret.

“We’re getting close! Look alive!” Clara cried out. “Except, you know, the zombies, who should look dead, because if you’re undead, we’re chopping your heads off!”  

“Yes, thank you…kid,” Eda said, rolling her eyes and stuttering a bit before uttering the third word.

Vee squeezed King’s hand. King looked atypically scared, and it was probably much worse than he was letting on, given the fact that he was adverse to showing fear. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispered at King. Willow was touched to see Luz’s two siblings getting along so well. She hoped they would think of one another as siblings eventually instead of just sharing Luz as a sibling.

“I’m not scared,” King transparently lied. “Why…why should I be? I have nothing to worry about. I mean, I’m the mighty Emperor of Demons, aren’t I?” He looked over at Clara, who gave a so-so gesture.

Fortunately, the awkwardness of the conversation was soon forgotten when a horde of zombies abruptly surged in their directions from all sides. Luz gave a savage grin and then Azura was suddenly in front of her, at full power, and Luz jumped on top of her. Azura let out a huge roar and Luz ran straight towards the nearest zombies, with the velociraptor savagely dismembering their undead attackers with the greatest of ease.

“THIS IS THE SINGLEST COOLEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME IN MY LIFE!” she shouted. “I’m riding a frigging dinosaur into battle! Does it get any better than this?”

Willow frowned at Luz’s blasé approach to matters as one of the witches closest to her nearly got torn in half by a zombie before King blasted its legs off with a shotgun. She was impressed. She had no idea he was such a good shot. In fact, she’d never really considered him particularly dexterous before. So much for assuming things about people, right?

Slowly but surely they carved their way through the zombies. Having a dinosaur on their side helped a lot with that, but everyone else held their own. Between King’s shotgun, Willow’s plant magic piercing and breaking bones with vines, the wrath of the Harpy Beast, and Vee sucking the magic out of the zombies until they became normal corpses again, the zombies never stood a chance. They were going down so easy that Willow almost suspected a trap. But she was starting to realize one critical point. Like Belos had no clue what the Human Realm was like after so long away from it, neither did Sutekh know about the Demon Realm. He had left before witches even evolved and all he knew was just secondhand accounts.

“So you’ve come to shut off the ritual,” a voice called out as they approached the cemetery and Luz froze. A distinguished looking man with waxy skin and a slightly misshapen face stepped out of the fog that had suddenly and ominously appeared out of nowhere. This man wasn’t quite like the zombies – he had flesh – but he wasn’t quite alive either. “What did you think, Luz? You were just gonna waltz in here with a positive attitude and everything would be all right?”

“Papi,” Luz whispered as she got off of Azura and just stared at him, and Willow practically boiled with fury. This was low. The giraffes created a facsimile of Mr. Noceda just for the sole purpose of psychologically torturing Luz, just so they could make her suffer. And she wasn’t even that much of a threat to them, not compared to the others. This wasn’t something they did cavalierly either. A lot of magic went into this.

“Am I, though?” Fake Mr. Noceda said, his voice cruel and calm. Merciless. “I remember a daughter who was good, who made me proud of her. Not a stupid ingrate who made life harder for her mami. Not an imbecile who can’t sit still in her classes, who embarrasses me at every turn.”

Luz let out a yelp and started shaking. Vee slithered forward, but Eda held out her arm. “No,” she said softly. “She needs to win this. Don’t attack until he does.”

The facsimile jumped over the fence, a confident expression on his face, as if he was just out for an evening stroll. “It’s been so humiliating watching you, Luz,” he went on. “That’s why I came down here, you know. So I could give you a piece of my mind. Camila sent you to a camp that would make you normal, give you the life I wanted for you on a silver platter. But what did you do? You spurned it!”

“That camp wouldn’t have helped me,” Luz said, sounding unsure. “I found my true home in the Boiling Isles.”

The facsimile shook his head sadly. “So it’s true, then. You really did abandon your mother. I thought I raised you better than that, mija.”

“It…it wasn’t like that…” Luz whispered. “Mami understands that now.”

The facsimile smirked. “Does she? Or is she just biding her time to leave you in the Isles, just like you left her? To ride off into the sunset with her true and perfect daughter. The one who is normal. Not a freak like you! Disgusting, worthless waste of space!” There was suddenly a knife in his hand and he tossed it onto the ground near Luz. “If you had the slightest shred of integrity, you selfish bitch, you’d ram this thing into your own heart.”

Luz looked at the knife. She started trembling. Eda opened her mouth to give the order to attack. And then Luz burst out laughing. She wasn’t trembling from fear – it was from trying to hide her mirth! “You just…wow! You’re just really laying it on way too thick to be credible!”

The facsimile’s face tightened, but he said nothing. “I can’t…look, I think that way sometimes. I do. It gets bad. I’m not going to deny it. But you know what? You say it out loud, and it just…well, it just sounds silly.” She looked the facsimile in the face with a satisfied expression on her face. “Everything you’ve said, I’ve thought in the deepest, darkest parts of me. But all I need to do is take one look at my friends, the people I love, and I know it’s not true. So go screw yourself, you monstrosity!”

She gave the facsimile the finger and turned her back on him. When he lunged at her, Azura ate him in one bite.

Luz’s confident, defiant attitude vanished abruptly and she almost lost her balance as she sank to her knees. It had all been a very good act. Tears ran down her face. “Oh, God,” she whispered. “I don’t…I can’t…” Willow just hugged her best friend. “I can’t believe that just happened. I almost fell for it. I really almost fell for it! I thought my own father…”

“It’s okay, Luz,” Willow assured her. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t bet the farm on that,” a voice drawled and Willow glared as the fog parted to reveal Sobek. “You killed my siblings, and that means nothing is going to be okay for you ever again. This was just a small taste of the horror that awaits you.”

Regent Steve cleared his throat. “Excuse me, Mr. Sobek. We’re having an very important moment of emotional catharsis here. I’d kindly request that you let us bring our conversation to its conclusion, or I’ll be forced to kill you.”

Sobek burst out laughing. “You…seriously? You think you can threaten me, the great and all powerful Sobek?!”

“That was the threat,” Regent Steve said, sounding bored. “And here’s the follow up.” He twirled his hand and gravestone after gravestone flew through the air and landed on Sobek over and over again, crushing him beneath their combined weight. Blood sprayed into the air and before long, the last of Sutekh’s children was no more. He waved his hand once more and the gravestones returned to their original locations. “Please continue, Luz. I promise this time, there will be no interruptions.”

“That was so cool,” King said, his eyes shining bright with enthusiasm. “Can you teach me how to do that?”

“Unless you use glyphs that have a similar function, I’m afraid not,” Regent Steve said, sounding genuinely regretful. “Luz?”

Luz looked about to say something, and then shook her head. “I’m okay.” Everyone looked skeptical, even the regent. “I mean, I can hold on until we’ve taken out Sutekh. We don’t have any time to waste.”

“You’re not wrong, kiddo,” Eda admitted. She put a hand on Luz’s shoulder. “Still, whenever you need me, I’m around to talk. And whatever you tell me, it stays between us. I won’t even tell your mom, okay?” Luz nodded.

It didn’t take very long to dismantle the ritual that Anubis had set up. “Hey, Eda, what’s going to happen to Anubis? Because I’m not normally vindictive, but after what he did to Luz…”

Eda gave a vicious grin. “Oh, I definitely think he’s regretting all his life choices right now.”

*****

“My name is Hooty!” the hideous creature screeched at Anubis, who was indeed regretting all his life choices right now. “And we’re gonna be best friends forever!”  

“No, please! I’ll do anything!”

“AND SINGING BUDDIES!” Hooty went on relentlessly. “I love you, you love me!” he sang in the most off key voice imaginable. “We’re a happy family! With a great big hug, and a kiss from me to you, won’t you say you love me too?!?”

“SOMEONE SAVE ME!”

But there would never be any salvation to be found for Anubis.

*****

Since Willow’s team was closest to MacKinnon Manor, they were sent in first. If Luz’s plan failed, the other teams would come in and attack, though this would likely be utterly useless. As unimpressive as the giraffes had been, Willow knew that once Sutekh was at full power, nothing short of a Titan would be strong enough to defeat him. She just prayed Luz knew what she was doing. She usually did when the situation was really serious. It was as if her planning skills were proportional to the danger level. When the situation involved book reports or shipping, she came up with terrible plans, but when people’s lives were in danger, she rose to the occasion.

Still, Willow still had no clue what the plan actually was, and Luz’s vague comments about being inspired by episode eight didn’t help. Willow really hoped Luz wasn’t planning on ramming the manor at lightspeed. That had not ended well for Admiral Holdo, after all. No one would tell her no matter how much she tried. Neither Regent Steve nor Eda knew what the plan is and none of the others were talking.  

“Remember, today is the first day of the rest of our lives!” Luz called out as they approached the gates of the manor. “Of course, you could say that about any day, but this day’s really important, because this is the day when we’ll win against Sutekh! And how will we do this? Through three things: stealth and caution. Stealth and caution and superior planning – that’s three things. Stealth, caution, superior planning, and unmitigated awesomeness, three – no, four things, the nature of which I divulged in my previous utterance.”

Regent Steve stared at her. “Luz, a word of advice. When you give speeches as the princess, have someone else write them.” He clapped his hands. “Let’s move and groove, people! Time is snails!”

Luz stuck her tongue out at Regent Steve, who just looked back impassively at her and then cast a spell. A beam of brown light emerged from his finger and tore through the bars on the gate as if they were ligament paper. Luz looked extremely impressed. “Wow…construction magic is so cool. I gotta learn that spell when I get back to Hexside!”

A gunshot rang out, the bullet smashing onto the ground near her foot. A team of gunmen in heavy armor emerged from their hiding places and fired a stream of gunfire in their direction. Unlike the brainwashed police officers, these shooters were firing in short, controlled bursts and looked to be in possession of their wits, most likely mercenaries Sutekh had hired to defend his manor.

They may have planned for a lot of things, but they certainly never planned for the Harpy Lady. At lightning quick speeds, Eda ran at them, bullets just bouncing right off of her. A few lucky souls got hit with ricochets. The rest met the wrath of the Harpy Beast. Until she saw it with her own eyes, she had no idea that human intestines were that color or that they had two kidneys, unlike witches who had just the one.

“I really didn’t need to see that,” King said, sounding like he was ready to throw up. Beside him, Clara rolled her eyes. Luz cast her an annoyed glare.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay,” Vee assured him. “This is gonna be over soon enough. We’re gonna win. We’ll get him for what he did to your dad, I promise.” King nodded curtly.

They charged into the foyer of the manor, which was completely empty. Then there was a tinkling of glass and the skylight above them broke as Sutekh jumped through it and landed on the floor in front of them in a three point landing. Willow rolled her eyes at the blatant melodrama involved. The various witches Willow didn’t recognize fired spells in Sutekh’s direction, but Sutekh dodged most of the spells and tanked the rest. He waved a hand and threw them through a wall. They lay unmoving on the other side of it. Willow couldn’t tell if they were alive or dead.

“It’s over, Sutekh,” Luz called out. “We’ve defeated your children, taken out your zombies. Your evil plan has failed.”

“On the contrary, Luz,” Sutekh smarmed. “My plan has just begun. You were, after all, kind enough to do precisely what you were told: bring the last of the Titans before me.” He looked over at King, appearing distinctly unimpressed by King’s diminutive countenance. “Really? This is he? How…distinctly unimpressive. Your father was a much more intimidating enemy…right up until the point I killed him.”

“I’m not afraid of you!” King squeaked, sounding very much like he was lying.

Sutekh cackled fiendishly. “You will be. All of humanity and witchkind will learn to fear me when they accept me as their rightful and eternal leader.” He cast his eyes upon Clara, who just stared back at him defiantly. “And as for you, you will be taught your place. It will be a long, extensive, painful process. One that I am eagerly looking forward to.”

Sutekh removed the mask on the side of his face, revealing the face of a giraffe underneath. Then the giraffe just melted into an oozing, amorphous blob that smelled absolutely disgusting. There was nothing left on that side of Lionel MacKinnon’s face. MacKinnon looked dazed and confused. Sutekh oozed over to the last of the Titans. “Any last words, pitiful creature?”

“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!” King shouted.

Sutekh thrust a spike in the direction of King’s chest. Yet as soon as it touched King’s flesh, Sutekh let out a shriek of agony and started convulsing. “WHAT IS THIS?!” he screeched.

Willow knew the answer to that question even before Eda took down the illusion spells she’d had placed on King and Clara, revealing that “King’s” eyes were now blue and Clara’s eyes were yellow. The Pines had become privy to lots of useful information about Sutekh during their possession. That included the precise details about the contract Sutekh had made with MacKinnon…and the fact that if he violated it, by, say, hurting his daughter swapped into King’s body, his possession would come to an end.

“This isn’t over!” Sutekh said, as he started disintegrating. “A thousand years, ten thousand, a hundred, I will return one day! You cannot stop me forever! You –”

Vee sucked all of the disintegrating particles that had once comprised Sutekh into her mouth, swallowed them, absorbed their magic, and let out a loud burp. “Excuse me,” she said, sounding mortified.

Eda twirled her hands and King and Clara were back in their original bodies. King breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank…uh, Dad, I guess?” King said. “No offense, but being a lowly human isn’t really fun.”

“None taken,” Clara said. “You’re so tiny!”

“Hey, I’m gonna grow the size of a continent, for your information!”

There was a groaning sound as MacKinnon, for the first time in fifty years, got himself to his feet under his own power. His face was now completely healed and intact. He looked at Clara as if she was the most priceless treasure in creation, something far beyond the worth of his ridiculous levels of riches. “Clara…” he said, his voice rusty from disuse through his own will.

“Father,” Clara said with a huge smile. She then scowled. “Yeah, no, that’s gonna be tainted forever. Can I call you dad?”

MacKinnon looked bewildered. “I don’t understand why you’d want to call me anything.” He gave a rueful smile. “You know my story by now, I assume. For the last fifty years, I’ve had everything I could ever want except for two things: freedom and the opportunity to tell you how much I love you.” He sighed. “Except you don’t believe me, do you?”

Clara stepped forward and to MacKinnon’s confusion, swept her father – her true father, not the imposter Sutekh had been – into a hug. “Yes, I do. Every generous thing you did, the way you treated me after I came out, sending me to live with mom, that was all you, wasn’t it?” MacKinnon nodded. “I thought so.”

“I love you so much, Clara,” MacKinnon said, openly crying. “I’ve wanted nothing more than to tell you that for the last fifteen years. I understand if you don’t want to see me anymore, after what he did to everyone…”

“Oh, you’re not getting away from me that easily, Dad,” Clara promised. “We’ve got a lot of time to make up for, after all.”

Eda cleared her throat. “This is touching and all, and I promise we’ll have time for it later, but we need your help to wrap things up around here, Mac. Can you give us a few minutes, kids?” Eda led MacKinnon away.

Vee leaned against a wall, clutching her stomach. “I’m probably gonna spend all night puking,” she lamented. “That was disgusting. Giraffes taste horrible.”

“I’m gonna have to take your word for it,” Willow said. She gave an encouraging smile at Luz. “Looks like your plan worked after all. Episode eight…?”

“Once Upon a Swap,” Luz said, as if that was supposed to clarify anything. “True, some have considered it to be the lamest of all the episodes of my summer, but it worked in the end, didn’t it?” She took a step forward and stumbled a bit. “I am so tired right now,” she admitted.

Everyone seemed too overwhelmed to say anything as the reality of what they’d just gone through suddenly sank in. They spent about ten minutes in utter silence before Eda and MacKinnon returned. “Okay, here’s how it’s gonna go, folks,” Eda announced. “We’re gonna repair all the damage and heal everyone who can be healed. Then we’ll break the brainwashing spell, cast a mass forgetting spell over the town, and finally take down the barrier spell.”

“NO!” Luz shouted. “I can’t forget! Don’t make me forget you, Eda! I learned my lesson! I don’t wanna forget my family!”

Eda rolled her eyes. “Stop being a drama queen, Luz, you’re only gonna forget the last day.” Luz gave a sheepish laugh. “As a matter of fact, you won’t be forgetting anything because you’ll be in the Demon Realm when the spell is cast.”

“The missing time as well as the dead will be blamed on a chemical leak from my research facility,” MacKinnon explained. “People will accept it. After all, there’s no such thing as magic.”

Luz stumbled abruptly and fell into Eda’s arms. “I’m sorry, I tried to be strong,” she muttered. “It was too much for me.”

“It’s okay, owlet,” Eda said. “I got you. Your mama’s got you. Everything’s gonna be all right.”

It was hard to tell from the expression on Luz’s face before she fell asleep, but Willow was pretty certain that, for once, Luz believed her.

Chapter Text

Camila was honestly quite mortified to learn she’d been affected by the giraffes’ spell and been forced to space out through the entire battle. She had absolutely no memory of that time, and the idea that she didn’t possess the necessary willpower to overcome the spell and stand beside her daughters as they fought against a terrifying evil was galling. The fact that no one had ended up possessing that much willpower and that she was one of only a small number of adults who had even partially resisted the spell was only a small consolation.

Naturally, she’d also been horrified to learn Eda had allowed her children to fight at all. True, sending Luz back to the Human Realm had been an unfortunate necessity while the giraffes held her family hostage, but the moment they were safe, Eda should have evacuated the children to the Demon Realm. And, yes, Luz probably would have sneaked back and fought anyway, but that would have been on her, not Eda.

But despite all this, Camila was proud of Luz, especially when she learned how she’d resisted the disgusting words of the imposter Antonio. Luz had heard what appeared to be her own dead father say some of the worst things Camila could even think of to her, and she’d possessed the strength necessary to rebut them, even though they reverberated in her head constantly. Maybe because of that.

(Luz had felt absolutely terrible to learn that the golem had been made using Antonio’s actual bones and that she’d had her own father’s corpse eaten by her palisman. Camila had immediately set her straight. Not only was it a matter of self-defense, Antonio would have preferred having his corpse devoured by a dinosaur to rotting in the ground any day of the week.)

Though Luz’s recklessness continued to bother Camila – especially when combined with the theory it derived from a lack of faith in her own personal worth – Camila was in awe that Luz was ready and willing to ride a dinosaur into battle, trick a bona fide god into dooming himself, and defend a town full of people who were indifferent to her at best with her very life. Camila had to admit she probably wouldn’t have been able to accomplish very much in her place.

But then again, Luz had always been extraordinary.

The coming days were quieter than Camila had expected them to be. The witches had done an extraordinarily good job of repairing the damage done to the town. Were it not for the 31 dead humans and the time they’d had to make the people of Gravesfield forget, no one would have suspected that anything at all occurred during the battle. The odd conspiracy theorist or three notwithstanding – all of whom suspected false flag operations or some other mundane coverup – everyone had accepted the story of a chemical leak causing the deaths and amnesia.

Despite all the casualties his company had supposedly caused, it was starting to look like Lionel – as Clara’s real father had insisted Camila and her associates call him – would get away with nothing more than a slap on the wrist. Under ordinary circumstances, this would infuriate her in the extreme, but since he was actually innocent, she wasn’t especially bothered. Especially since Lionel had gone out of his way to try to make up for all the damage Sutekh had been causing. He’d been especially adamant about making things up to Camila for Sutekh forcing her to commit murder.

At first, Camila hadn’t thought there was anything she possibly wanted from him. After all, she didn’t need any more wealth and she was very content with her life. But then, she’d realized there was, in fact, one thing that Lionel could do for her.

And that was why she, her daughters, and their friends were gathered in the grounds of MacKinnon Manor, with sledgehammers in their hands, looking over at a very familiar statue. Lionel had purchased the statues ostensibly for his private collection. It turned out the historical society’s objections to getting rid of a statue of a criminal warmonger evaporated in the face of a huge pile of cash. Luz had advocated they smash the statues in public, but Camila had shot that idea down. That would just get Philip publicity. It was far better to do it in private so he could just fade away from memory.

They’d already separated the statue of Charlotte from Philip’s statue and brought it to the Demon Realm. The only person who had a possible interest in smashing that statue was Diana and she wasn’t even sure she wanted to do that. They would deal with that later. For now, Camila only had one priority and that was vengeance. True, this was just a statue, but there was something fitting about that. Philip had tried to turn Luz into a statue. Now the biggest piece of his legacy in his beloved Human Realm was just a statue, which would soon be powder.

“Diana, I think we can all agree you deserve to go first,” Camila told her.

Diana held her sledgehammer into the air, her arms trembling. She just stood there for a few seconds, and then she dropped the sledgehammer on the ground. “I…I can’t. I’m so sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Camila assured her. “I understand completely. You’re a good niece, Diana, far better than that hijo de puta deserved.”

Willow, on the other hand, had absolutely no compunctions about laying into the statue with her sledgehammer with vicious abandon, snarling animalistically and ranting incoherently the whole time. “HOW DARE YOU NOT LOVE HER?!” were the only coherent words Camila could catch from the whole monologue. Diana, on the other hand, seemed to understand every word and looked like she was going to faint from sheer joy.

“Hey, Willow, save some for the rest of us,” Luz called out. Willow gave a sheepish laugh and lowered her sledgehammer.

Gus raised his own sledgehammer next, but then lowered it. “You don’t even deserve my hatred. I hope your god is teaching you what hell is really like.”

Vee similarly refrained from smashing the statue. It was beneath her dignity, she had said, but Camila suspected the real reason was her conflicted feelings towards Philip. Without him, after all, she never would have been born in the first place. But neither would she have suffered either.

Amity gave a frightening snarl at the statue when it came her turn to smash it. “You tried to kill my Luz. You turned my mother into…into a monster as bad as you.” She sighed. “I know she made her own choices, but what would she have been if she had been born into the world we should have had before you interfered? I guess we’ll never know.” She smirked. “But I do know what’ll make me feel better,” she added, and in one powerful blow, she knocked Philip’s head off the statue and proceeded to smash it into powder.

Luz walked up to the statue. “You know, there are some similarities between us,” she said. Camila frowned. She hardly thought there were any similarities between her lucecita and a genocidal maniac. “We both thought we had a destiny in the Isles. We both thought we were the Chosen Ones. The difference between us was that I figured out that was bullshit right away with the help of my family. But every time your family tried to save you from yourself, you responded with murder.”

She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a block of what looked like clay. With a flash of horror, Camila realized that Luz had not been bluffing: she really had been able to buy C4 off the dark web. Now that was a scary thought. “So it’s time to say goodbye to you once and for all.”

Luz placed the C4 at the base of the statue and handed the detonator over to Camila. After following the others inside the house out of the blast radius, Camila hesitated for a few seconds. But at the end of the day, she was just blowing up a statue. It was just an act of symbolism. It wasn’t as if she was really killing anyone.

So she pressed the button and when what was left of the statue was reduced to powder, Camila was left with an immense sense of satisfaction.

It was a satisfaction that stayed with her for quite some time, and she was still feeling it when she went to the Demon Realm for her first real stay there. The time she’d spent after the battle didn’t really count, since she didn’t plan for it, and also because she spent most of it keeping her charges calm and happy. Still, it had warmed her heart to finally get Gus, Amity, and Willow reunited with their families, as well as to see with her own eyes Diana would be well taken care of by Mr. Porter.

But now, she was in the Demon Realm for quite a different reason. Well, actually a couple, but the primary one was to give her wonderful girlfriend the date of her dreams. She’d worried Marcia would be put off by the sometimes disgusting nature of Luz’s adoptive homeland, but Marcia seemed to love it almost as much as Luz did. She was constantly full of questions about how things worked that Camila couldn’t answer in the slightest as she was just as bewildered as Marcia was about that stuff.

“You sure you don’t mind going along while I meet with Luz’s teachers?” Camila asked. Marcia had already told her she didn’t mind, but Camila was a bit nervous she had just been saying that. “I really should have done one of these things first, but I couldn’t decide!”

Marcia gave her a warm smile and a kiss on the cheek. “Camila, it’s fine. I understand completely. And, you know what, I’m kind of excited to see what a real life magic school is like. And when we’re done, Eda recommended this great ice scream parlor near Hexside.”

“You mean ice cream, right?” Camila said, knowing the answer was otherwise. Sure enough, Marcia shook her head, a huge grin on her face. Spectacular.

Hexside turned out to be surprisingly similar to Luz’s school back on Earth. There were, of course, quite a few differences – the bell screamed (and, worryingly, appeared to be possibly sapient), the lockers kept Luz’s school supplies in their stomachs, and, of course, there were creatures straight out of folklore regularly wandering the hallways. But not all of the differences were bad. When Camila interrogated Luz’s teachers to see what needed to be done about disability accommodations, she was shocked to find that not only were they willing to honor them all, but the idea that they wouldn’t was quite befuddling to them.

Luz had also left one important thing out of her account of her time at Hexside: the fact that she was actually acing all her classes! Well, relative to the inherent difficulties her inability to use magic conventionally had posed, at any rate. Luz was not one to brag about her academic achievements, but Camila had assumed that the reason why she hadn’t mentioned her grades was because they were not very impressive. Not because Luz was stupid or anything like that, of course! No, Camila had just thought it would have been because she was overextending herself. But, nope, Luz was actually doing amazingly.

More than that, she got along amazingly with just about everyone. Some pink-haired girl with three eyes appeared to be the only exception, but everyone said she was a bully anyway and one couldn’t please everyone all the time, after all. None of Luz’s peers were fazed by her quirks in the slightest. And it wasn’t hard to tell why after spending just a little time shadowing her classes. It was because in the Boiling Isles, Luz was normal.

Luz had pursued that dream all her life, even if she didn’t admit it to herself. How could Camila have even thought about taking it away from her? Even the memory of making Luz promise to stay on Earth made her deeply ashamed of herself now.

Camila was a ridiculously stubborn woman, but she was not unreasonable and she could be persuaded, with great difficulty, to change her mind. She had to do what was best for her daughter, and now she knew what that was.

Luz practically tackled her with a hug when she got back to the Owl House after finishing her date with Marcia. “Well? What do you think? Did you like Hexside? It wasn’t too scary, was it? Did you jump when the bell screamed?”

“I would have appreciated some advanced warning, yes,” Camila said. “Luz, you never told me you were doing so well in school here! I am extremely proud of you.” Luz beamed. This was a memory she’d cherish for a long time, Camila knew. “Even spending a little bit of time here has taught me why it matters so much to you. And that is why I have decided to renegotiate our deal.”

Luz looked worried, as if she was expecting some sort of trap. “I will allow you to go to school here and live here.” Luz let out an excited squeaking sound. “On two conditions!” Camila added hastily, and Luz’s face fell. “First of all, you will stay with me on weekends. And second and most importantly, you will start seeing a therapist.”

Luz laughed caustically. “Right, right. How long before they put me in a rubber room? One minute? Two minutes?”

“A therapist here in the Demon Realm,” Camila clarified. Luz still looked a little worried. “Luz, I’m going to be blunt. You need help. Your past issues, your guilt complex, your recklessness, it all worries me immensely. What I am offering here is a big ask on my part, and it requires a similar level of sacrifice on yours. I think it is a fair deal I am offering.”

Luz was silent for a few minutes. “I don’t think it’ll be easy to find me one, though. There’s a lot of demand.”

Camila had thought of that, but she wasn’t especially worried. As the crown princess of the Boiling Isles, Camila had a feeling Luz would jump to the front of any waiting lists quite quickly. “We’ll do our best. And even if you’re on a waiting list, that’s good enough for the moment for the purposes of our deal. All right, Luz? Do we have an agreement?”

After yet another long period of silence, Luz nodded. “Okay. Thank you, mami. Thank you so much.”

“Te quiero, Luz,” Camila said, planting a kiss on Luz’s forehead. “Never forget that.”

*****

Diana had never faced an enemy like the one she was facing right now. It was an enemy whose malevolence far outstripped that of the giraffes, the Collector, and Belos combined. It was an enemy, if not defeated, that would destroy everything they’d ever known and loved and leave a black and completely irremovable stain upon their honor.

“Don’t you think you’re being a little melodramatic, Diana?” Viney said after Diana had told her flyer derby team this. “We’re just playing flyer derby against Glandus.”

“Diana takes school spirit very seriously,” Gus said with a grin.

It was a relief Gus was talking to her again. Getting the silent treatment from her brother had been a very unpleasant experience. Gus had been very angry, to say the least, when they reunited again. It wasn’t that she had removed him from the battle that bothered him. It was the fact she’d done it without giving him a choice in the matter. It had also been utterly unnecessary, as it turned out. Gus would have withdrawn from the battle in exchange for Diana doing the same, a price she would have gladly paid.

But eventually, Gus had come around, and fairly quickly too. He understood that Diana moving into a new environment was a very stressful experience and having her own brother furious at her would just make things worse. That wasn’t to say Gus had entirely let the issue go. Diana found herself the victim of quite a few illusion based pranks over the next few weeks. She strongly suspected Gus had recruited the Blight twins in getting his vengeance. But none of them had actually hurt her and she’d accepted them in the spirit they had been meant.

It had been quite awkward living with Mr. Porter at first, and even after a good deal of time, the awkwardness hadn’t entirely abated. But Mr. Porter was kind and understanding, a good father who clearly cared about his son, and now, Diana supposed, his daughter as well. He never pressed Diana for details about her unpleasant past (though he’d insisted she start getting therapy to recover from it) and was very understanding of Diana’s paranoia and distrust. It was a slow and laborious process, but Diana was getting more and more comfortable at talking to Mr. Porter and confiding in him by the day.

It hadn’t been as much of an adjustment to leading a normal life in the Demon Realm as Diana had feared it would be. Life in the Human Realm, as strange as the idea was, had been good preparation. Though the details were often quite different, the basic principles were the same. She went to classes, she hung out with her friends, and she went on dates with her awesome and beautiful girlfriend.

Something else that made it all better? The transition potions. They had worked extremely quickly, quicker than they would on the average witch, actually. Diana’s body was now completely indistinguishable externally from someone who had been assigned female at birth. It would take more time to finish off her transition internally – it would take a few more months before she started having periods, for example – but most of that stuff was pretty academic to Diana. There were days when it was easy to forget Diana had ever thought of herself as a man. And, of course, there were days when it was not, but on those days, her family and friends were there to help her, and that made it better.

“Diana is right to take this seriously,” Willow assured the team, bringing Diana’s thoughts back to the present. “I mean, probably not that seriously, but still. We are Hexolios. We have our school’s honor at stake.” She blew a kiss at Diana. “And, on a more personal note, my awesome girlfriend promised me a long make out session if we win.”

Viney coughed a word that sounded like “simp.” Willow, as she always did when her teammates teased her for her relationship with Diana, ignored her. “Now let’s get out there and win ourselves a game!”

They all hopped onto their palismen and went out onto the field. Skara sneaked a glance over at the stands where her boyfriend Eddie was cheering for her enthusiastically. Eddie had, at his request, forgotten the battle with the rest of Gravesfield (probably to spare himself the memory of his abysmal flirting attempts with Skara), but when he went to the Demon Realm for the first time, he’d been just as taken with Skara as he had the first time. Without blood loss being a concern, Eddie’s flirting attempts had been much more successful and Skara had enthusiastically started up the third known witch/human relationship in all of history.

“Let’s do this thing,” Gus said. He looked particularly psyched to see that Bria was among the flyer derby players Glandus had fielded, because it meant he finally had a chance to get revenge on her for her betrayal at the illusionists’ graveyard.

And Diana would do everything she could to help him do that. Because that was what family did. They helped each other. They didn’t cut each other down or make it only about them or murder copy after copy of their sibling like Philip had. Philip had never truly been Diana’s family, and life was a lot better now that she knew that.  

As she flew through the air, she saw the statue of Charlotte in the courtyard of Hexside. The Construction Guild had changed it so it was reflective of her true self. Everyone else thought it was a statue of Diana herself, to honor her defense of Hexside during the Emperor’s Coven raid. Only Diana, her friends, and Principal Bump knew the truth. Diana still didn’t know how she felt, truly, about Charlotte. She most likely never would. There were a host of emotions Diana felt, many of them contradictory. Resentment at not being the original. Grief for never knowing the woman who was more or less her mother. Existential confusion. So many other things.

But as for how Charlotte felt about her if there was still a her somewhere to think about things? That one was easy. Diana knew Charlotte felt proud of her.

And she knew it because Diana finally, after so long of waiting, felt the same way about herself.

*****

“This was a mistake!” Mom shouted. “A horrible mistake!” Luz couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She was also a little irritated. Self-deprecating panicking was her brand. Mom was encroaching on it, and Luz had a lot more experience at it too. “Oh, Titan, Luz, what if I’m just not good enough for them?”

King poked his head into the dressing room. “You rang?”

“King, you’re not supposed to be here, silly,” Luz said, mock sternly. In truth, it was probably a good thing he was there. Mom needed both her children to support her now.

“I was summoned! What’s the point of being a god if you can’t answer prayers?”

King’s grandiosity notwithstanding, he’d actually mellowed out a lot in deed, though not necessarily word, over the previous few months. He took his responsibilities as emperor very seriously, even if Steve was doing most of the actual work. The empire was slowly transitioning to democracy. It wasn’t easy, bringing in completely foreign ideas like due process and rights to the Isles, but it was nonetheless occurring, albeit in fits and starts. When the transition process was over, the country’s government would resemble a constitutional monarchy like Britain, with Steve functioning as the country’s prime minister. King was totally behind this 100%; he found himself very bored with statesmanship at times, and was happy to hoist the hard work on someone else.

“Yeah, Mom,” Luz said. “You literally have the blessing of the Titan. How can this possibly go wrong? I mean, look, I’m no stranger to thinking badly of myself.” She gave a wry grin. Therapy had taught her a lot of things, especially with regards to her self-worth. The lessons were taking a while to sink in, but she knew them now at the very least. “But you have nothing to worry about. Right now, there is a bard out there who is beside themself with worry that you won’t want to marry them!”

Mom gasped. “How could they think that? I need to see them right now!”

Luz and King both grabbed their mother before she could flee the room and sat her firmly back down on her chair. “Don’t you dare,” Luz said. “You’re not supposed to see Raine before the ceremony, or you’re just asking for bad luck! My point was, you not wanting to marry Raine is as ludicrous an idea as them not wanting to marry you.”

Mom gave a nervous laugh. “Yeah, I…I guess I was acting a little silly. I mean, it’s not like this is the first time I’ve done this.”

“Yeah, I don’t think a Vegas wedding so you can steal Stan’s car counts,” Luz said. She’d been so excited to learn that she was, if only extremely indirectly, related to the Pines family with Stan as her technical stepfather. That was, of course, until Stan formally divorced Mom a few weeks after the battle against the giraffes. But still, it counted enough for Luz.

“Hey, we don’t mind, Mom, you know that,” King said soothingly. “You know that, right? I mean, we’re not jealous of them. We know you love them and us, and that’s cool!”

Mom exhaled slightly. As silly as it sounded, Luz could tell this was indeed a worry she had had. Luz was an expert in silly-sounding worries. Well, in having them, anyway. Getting rid of them…not necessarily so much. “Okay. Okay, you’re right! Yeah. Let’s go!”

Luz and King shared a high five and then followed their mother out of the dressing room and into the ballroom of the imperial palace. Luz had thought it was weird they were having the wedding where Belos once ruled from and where King now ruled from, but then she realized it was really the ultimate revenge on Belos. If there was one thing that would have pissed him off, it was having two witches – the ultimate wild witch and one of his coven heads – get married in his own ballroom.

“There you are!” Amity said, practically pouncing on Luz with a hug. “I thought you’d never get her out of there.”

“Ah, the patented Luz Noceda charm can get anyone to do anything,” Luz bragged.

“Yeah,” Amity said wistfully and then gave Luz a kiss. As always, Luz’s brain practically short-circuited whenever her girlfriend kissed her, though she had thankfully gotten out of the habit of saying incredibly dorky things when it happened. “Crikey level?”

“Yowza-wowza level, Am!” Luz said as she wrapped Amity up in a hug.

Life had been great for Amity since her return to the Demon Realm. Mr. Blight had sold the manor and moved to a more modest house not too far from the Owl House, so Luz and Amity were able to see each other on a regular basis. It had been tough for Amity to rebuild her relationship with her father – the two of them had provided much work for a therapist of their own – but slowly but surely, it was happening. Amity had complicated feelings about that, but the majority of those feelings were positive ones.

“I wonder how our own wedding will compare to this one,” Amity said.

“Uh…wedding? Ours? Uh…” Luz could feel her face heating up and her mind overloading. Amity watched with a smirk on her face. She knew exactly what she was doing to her, the devious little witch. “I don’t think I can process that right now!”  

Amity gave a smirk and a wink. “Oh, well. Perhaps another day.” This was just too much for Luz’s Blightsexual – er, bisexual heart. Having a heart attack on the day of her adoptive mother’s wedding would be a serious faux pas, most likely, wouldn’t it?

Mami cleared her throat. “I think your other mother has been waiting long enough for this, don’t you, Luz?”

Luz laughed nervously and quickly found her seat next to Mami. Marcia was on Mami’s other side. Luz felt a little jealous sometimes that Marcia was taking the role Papi had once taken, but her happiness that Mami had someone who loved her in her life the way that Luz loved Amity always overtook that jealous part of her. In any event, it would be a lot longer before Luz’s biological mother walked down the aisle.

“I’ve had a lot of regrets in my life,” Mom said when it was time for her and Raine to give their vows. “Not recognizing my children for far too long, hiding in the woods while good people were suffering under Belos’s reign, not kicking Odalia’s face in when I had the chance. But the biggest one I ever had was letting go of you, Rainestorm. Not being honest with you. Letting my fear get the better of me.”

She leaned in and gave Raine a passionate kiss. “But no longer. I’m not afraid anymore! Not of telling you I’m cursed, not of what the future might hold, and certainly not of telling you how much I love you. I love you so much, Raine. I always have since the moment I saw you. I was really dumb to give that up. But even an old bird can learn new tricks. I’d really like to be your wife. So can we get to that part?”

Raine laughed gently. “You’re perfect, you know. Every part of you. The Owl Beast, your inside, your outside. You’re Eda and I love you. So…” They paled as their stage fright took ahold of them. Frankly, Luz was shocked it hadn’t happened sooner. “Yes! Yes, marry you! I’ll…uh, marry you. Right now!”

Luz led the audience in a round of applause before Raine could embarrass themself further. “Yeah! That’s my parent over there!” she shouted. “You go, mom!”

Raine and Mom were a flustered mess by the time it actually came time to kiss and formalize their marriage. But it didn’t matter. Luz was pretty sure they wouldn’t have it any other way. Finally, the time came for the moment Luz had been waiting for during the whole ceremony: the throwing of the bouquet. Luz was determine to catch it and bless her and Amity with a happy marriage. When the time came to propose, of course. Even one could do that when one was sixteen, Mami had been very firm Luz was not to do so until she was eighteen.

Luz held her hands into the air eagerly and the bouquet sailed towards her, and there was no way she could avoid catching it. And then Willow made a spell circle and summoned the bouquet to her own waiting hands. “Willow,” Luz sulked. “You knew I wanted to catch the bouquet.”

“Sorry, Luz,” Diana said, smugly wrapping her arm around Willow’s shoulder. “But all’s fair in love and war.”

THE END